Despite being the third eldest of his family and in his last year of Hogwarts, Percy tended to feel younger than he was. Trying to direct his siblings or the students as a Prefect-and how head-made him feel like an imposter. He didn't know why, either. It was a feeling. A nagging feeling that latched on sometime ago and never went away. Was it normal? Did everyone have those thoughts from time to time? Or was it just him?

He didn't like it. He always felt like other people besides him sensed it as well. He didn't feel like he was the older brother or one of the older, technically more authoritative students. He felt like there was something wrong with him that prevented him from his correct age-mentally speaking. It didn't make much sense.

But it was apparent. He wasn't like the other students in his year. Most of it boiled down to the fact that he was socially inept and it was painfully obvious. He just couldn't handle it, talking or being around people, especially if he didn't know them well. He didn't know many people at all because he'd never thought to try. He didn't want to try. A part of him was paranoid. A part of him felt too easily overwhelmed, imagining every possible scenario that could happen. He could embarrass himself or say the wrong or-

But another part of him feared the worst; that people would misconstrue all of that, all of his hesitancy to engage as it being snobbish behavior on his part. Thinking that he was too good to be talking to anyone. But he wasn't. He wasn't. Not at all. He didn't want other people thinking badly of him. He wished he were well liked. He wished he could talk to others without any problems, without making it unintentionally awkward or causing the other person to leave.

That won't ever happen

You'll never be liked

No one will want you

You're just Perfect prefect Percy

The annoying Weasley brother

The one that everyone can't stand

/

It was the second meeting for the Prefects and Heads since term began. Technically, it was the first one for Percy because he'd missed out on it last time due to his supposed illness. He'd been dreading it for days now. The nausea, the squeezing sensation in his stomach kept getting worse as the date neared. To say Percy was petrified-no pun intended-was an understatement.

Which was downright silly! It was only a meeting. Only a meeting with people that he'd known for years. People that he'd worked with-if that was the correct way of saying it-since he was fifteen. What sort of reason did he have to be nervous?

None, his brain supplied.

You have no reason

You're being paranoid

And strange

Stop being so strange

No one likes that

He trudged along, wishing he didn't have to. Wishing it could be cancelled at the last minute so he didn't have to come down here. As he passed on by, there were a few younger students who snickered amongst themselves and pointed at Percy. He didn't acknowledge it. Because if he did they'd know. They'd know how much it tore him up, how defeated he felt.

So he didn't.

It was really for the best.

Wood had been lounging around on his bed, lazily writing another essay. Although, in Percy's opinion, he'd huffed out air in frustration more than he'd written. But he didn't say that. His dorm mate practically fell off his bed, jerking up when he noticed Percy was almost out the door. He'd inquired where he was going, seemingly concerned. But the red-head didn't feel like he was concerned. It felt like he was being treated like a child again, needing for his guardian to know his whereabouts for safety reasons. It made him feel disgruntled.

"Where are you going?" Wood blurted out.

Percy's hand was on the doorknob. He'd been lucky, having not had to say a whole lot of anything to his dorm mate. Wood had backed off a smidge, allowing him the chance to breathe. Apparently, it wasn't going to last as long as he'd hoped. "That's none of your business," he said in a clipped tone.

Wood sat up, tucking his feet under him. "I was just wondering," he said carefully.

Well don't

I don't need you to

Percy's nerves were already on edge, already frazzled from just knowing what he had to do today with no way out. No way to escape this because what else could he say? He couldn't have come down with another phony sickness without raising suspicion. And beyond that, he didn't think that unless he was called to do something else, summoned to Professor Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall's offices or-Merlin forbid-something happened to his family and he needed to get with his parents right away-

There wasn't any chance of him missing this meeting. He didn't want or need Wood interrogating him on top of everything. He took a deep breath. "Well don't."

"Come on, that's not fair," Wood said and Percy almost, almost ignited at that. "You know I'm just worried for you. You know, after you almost-"

"Yes, I'm aware," Percy said snippily, cutting him off. He whirled around to face his dorm mate, eyes heated. "For your information, I have a meeting to attend."

Wood's mouth was slightly ajar, then he clamped it shut. "Oh," he uttered, sounding the tiniest bit embarrassed.

Yes

Oh

"Percy," Ivan greeted him cheerfully when he arrived at the abandoned classroom they were using. "It's great to see you! I'm glad you're feeling better."

To his utter relief, he wasn't the last one to get here. That was all he needed; being the last one meant that every set of eyes would look his way, the attention momentarily placed on him until he found a seat and the meeting continued. Just like on the train. Remember? You got distracted and forgot so you were late. You put everyone behind because you can't be punctual.

His mouth quirked upwards into what he hoped looked like a normal, convincing, happy smile. "Thank you," he said. There was nothing more to say.

He took a seat at one of the desks at the far left end near a large window. The curtains were drawn shut but the sunlight peeked it underneath. As Head-Boy, it might have made more sense for him to be standing up by the teacher's desk but he didn't do that. If he was younger, more obnoxious and sure of himself, he might have. But they would talk about him. Behind his back, about his audacity to just take over things without the consideration of others.

He didn't want to be like that and he didn't want to be talked about.

There weren't that many people present at the moment. A glance at his old, beat up watch informed him that he was early for once-so far this year-and they would have to wait for the rest of them to show up. So far, other than him, Ivan and a couple of the Hufflepuff Prefects-a boy and a girl, they were without a great deal of their group. His eyes roved around the classroom subtly; Ivan was going through some parchments, laying them on the teacher's desk in stacks of four and the two Prefects were in the middle of a muggle card game. They must have been new this year, for they weren't people he recognized.

You just pay attention

You're selfish

You only care about yourself

Slytherin Prefect Gemma Farley came strutting in next. Her eyes fell upon Percy and she smirked. He quickly looked down, gripping the sides of the desk. She sat down at one of the spots in the middle, still looking in his direction. "Weasley." He wasn't fooled by the so-called pleasant tone she tried to pull off. "I'm pleased to see you're fully clothed."

"Enough, Farley," Ivan said, sharply. He paused in what he was doing to level her with a glare.

She was sucking on a lolli from Honeydukes and Percy wasn't sure if her lips were bright red from the sweet treat or a lippy she applied. She took it out of her mouth, taking her time to respond to Ivan. "Is there a problem, Renshaw?"

Ivan didn't get angry with her, but let her know the issue. "We're supposed to be setting an example for the students," he reminded her, stressing it. "How can we expect them to take what we're saying seriously if we don't?"

It caused a stare off between him and Farley. Percy watched them. The two Hufflepuffs watched them.

Finally it broke.

"Why don't you worry about your own behavior, Renshaw?" she said coldly. "And let me worry about mine. What I say or do is none of your concern."

"It is when you're bothering other people," Ivan was calm yet firm. "If you do it to Percy, who's to say you won't do it to a student?"

The tension heightened.

Percy wrung his hands. You did this, You started this and now they're going to argue because of you.

The door flew open. Penny, with her wild hair that he found endearing at one time back when they were together and her bag slung over her lopsidedly, panted in the doorway. She didn't seem to notice anything between Farley and Ivan. "Sorry, I'm late," she said breathlessly even though she wasn't because they were still waiting on some more people. "I was in the library and completely lost track of time."

Farley's attention was on Penny now. Eyes narrowed. "I suggest you invest in a watch then, Clearwater," she snarked.

Penny was either used to or too tired from running to deal with Farley. She dropped down in a seat, uncharacteristically slouching whilst getting out her needed things. Why can't you be like her? You can't do that. You're too sensitive. Everyone knows it.

"You're not late," Ivan said to her in a tone that was much more kind than what he'd use for Farley. "We're still waiting on a few people."

"Thank goodness," Penny sighed.

The conversation lulled. Percy didn't have anything to do to appear busy. The only thing he could do was to look elsewhere and not at anyone else, especially Farley. The silence that came over them was not a comfortable one. He didn't like these kinds of silences; when it was so quiet he could hear his own heart thumping in his chest, where it felt like-even if he didn't see it happening-all eyes were on him. Couldn't they start yet? Better yet, could they just leave?

He was usually alright with silence. He preferred it, even. It was better to deal with than being talked to. But he didn't like this. He didn't like it at all.

"You know you can sit closer if you want, Percy," Ivan offered.

Now all eyes were on him.

He really felt like a child now. What sort of Head-Boy needed someone to guide his hand? But if he didn't go, they would talk. They would say Percy was avoiding them, trying not to communicate and be all by his lonesome. They'd replace him with someone better suited. Someone who was great at everything he wasn't-

He felt exhausted.

He just wanted to be back in his bed away from everything. At this point, he wasn't even sure he wanted to be Head-Boy anymore. What was the point? Why was he chosen in the first place? Expectation? To make a mockery out of him?

Farley held up her hand as if to inspect her fingernails. They were shiny when the light hit them, a bit of a distraction. "I wouldn't waste your time, Renshaw. Weasley's too good to be around us."

Penny frowned but kept out of it. That was true of her nature; always trying to be the peacekeeper. She wouldn't get involved unless she felt it was absolutely necessary of her.

She doesn't care about you

She thinks it's funny

She thinks it's true

Ivan was disapproving. "That's not true."

Farley scoffed. "Right. And when was the time Weasley talked to you willingly?" Percy felt his stomach clenching when Ivan couldn't answer. "You must think of me as blind, Renshaw. Everyone knows you can't get more than a handful of words out of him. I don't know why you even bother."

"That's enough," Ivan commanded with an edge to him. He glanced at Percy cautiously, as if he expected the red-head to refute that claim with anger.

He didn't.

He didn't bother to defend himself.

Why bother? Nothing that Farley said was a lie. He did act like he was too good to be around them, didn't he? He was difficult to talk to. He didn't understand why Ivan kept trying.

Farley sniffled haughtily. The subject was dropped. Ivan tersely returned to the parchments and eventually the rest of the members arrived, unaware of the storm they had successfully avoided by mere minutes. When everyone was seated, with Percy still being the odd one out sitting there by himself-like you always are-Ivan cleared his throat to gather their attention.

He put on an upbeat pretense, trying to shake off the dampened mood from his mild disagreement with Farley. "I'm glad everyone could make it! This is our second meeting, or third if you count the one on the train. So, before we start, how's everybody doing?"

There were murmured responses that went around the room, ranging from alright to could be better. Farley rolled her eyes. Percy didn't say anything. He shifted in the stiff, severely uncomfortable chair. His eyes gazed up at the clock on the wall that was directly above where Ivan was standing. He didn't look at his watch. That would show everyone he wanted to go. But you do. They would notice. They would talk. The red-head exhaled.

Forty-four minutes until this was over. Forty-four minutes and thirty seconds. Forty-three minutes...

"That's great," Ivan nodded at some of the more positive responses. "I know we've gone without having a meeting longer than usual but I thought it might be best to give everyone a chance to settle in for the term without having to juggle this on top of things." He began to hand out the stack of parchments to them, walking around the room to personally deliver it. "I have some things I want to go over today. First things first; quidditch. We definitely need to keep an eye out at night for any late night fliers-"

"You've already said that," Farley interrupted him. "On the train ride."

"Yes," he agreed. "There's a reason. I know there are some seventh years that have scouts coming later in the year and have been trying to prepare as much as possible. Plus, I caught two first years in the broomshed the other night. We really need to make sure we're going on petrol so we can keep an eye on things."

There was a collective murmur of agreement. Except from Farley and Percy. They didn't say anything at all. "Moving on," Ivan continued, shuffling the parchments, "I was thinking of ways we could help the first years become more comfortable. I know we all talked to them on the train-" You didn't. You stayed in the compartment because you're scared of a tiny first year. You're not brave. You aren't worthy to be a Gryffindor. And you aren't worthy to be Head-Boy either. "And I know they might be a little shy about it, but I think it's worthwhile to try and maybe come up with something your House can do maybe once a month."

"Like a game night or something?" Penny spoke up.

"Precisely," Ivan nodded.

"I like the idea," the female Hufflepuff Prefect that was there when Percy arrived said. "But where would it be held? I'm not sure if we could manage to get everyone out of the common room and stay out of there."

"Wherever you like," Ivan told her. "You could be by the lake or in the greenhouse or wherever there's room."

She was satisfied with his answer.

"So we're planning a game night?" Mervyn Wynch clarified.

"You're planning whatever you guys think your House would like best," Ivan said. "You could set up a game night. I think Professor Burbage has some muggle games in her closet you could use. Or do a little book club. Or a sleepover in the common room. Again, it's whatever you think will work best. Hopefully, you know a little bit about your first years so this should be an easy decision."

You don't

You didn't bother talking to any one of them

Because you're too good to talk to them

Isn't that right?

Perfect Prefect Percy can't talk to anyone because he's so superior

Well that's alright

No one wants to talk to you anyway

The room buzzed, springing to life with people offering suggestions and talking about what they were going to do. Even Farley was speaking to the Slytherin Prefects that were there. All but him. His gaze wandered over to Mervyn, who was twisted in his chair to talk to a couple other Prefects for Gryffindor. He should be over there. He should engage with them. It was part of his responsibility. But that wasn't what he was doing.

Go join them

Don't just sit there!

What's wrong with you?

Why can't you do anything right?

He should. He just needed to walk over there and pull up a chair. They wouldn't mind. Mervyn Wynch seemed to be an alright bloke even if he gave off an impression to Percy that he was somewhat starstruck by his brother and Harry.

But what if they didn't want him there? What if he ruined a perfectly good conversation by going over there? It was precisely two minutes after everyone started talking. Too much time had passed for him to go over without it being awkward.

He should just stay where he was at.

Thirty minutes remaining. Thirty minutes and forty-five seconds.

The time couldn't run out soon enough. He wanted to get out of there. Be somewhere-his dorm-where he wasn't filled with overwhelming tension. Why, why was he like this? Why couldn't he be normal for Merlin's sake? He reckoned no one else's heart was beating rapidly in their chest or sweat accumulating on their palms.

Later on, when he got back to the dorm, Wood tried to casually ask how the meeting went. Percy squeezed his hands into a fist, trying to squash down the tinge of embarrassment he felt.

You're just a failure

A huge failure

And you'll never change