"First quidditch game tomorrow," Wood said conversationally.

Wood dragged him outside to do their homework. It was an exceptionally nice day and he wished to treasure it while they could. On the courtyard they sat, feet tucked underneath them. Percy could hardly concentrate; every little noise sounded like it was next to his ears.

His eyes lifted from his textbook he'd been trying to read for the past ten minutes. The same paragraph, same words that wouldn't absorb. There was an oncoming headache. Percy felt it behind his eyes, just forcefully pushing itself in. "Yes."

"First chance at crushing those snakes," Wood added with emphasis.

Why can't you just leave me alone?

Percy sighed. He put down his homework, knowing it would do no good to keep trying while Wood was adamant on talking. "Is that some kind of hint I should understand?"

Wood was sheepish. "I was hoping you'd come to the game."

"No."

"Please," Wood begged, leaning far too close. He leaned backwards out of instinct. "Please, Percy? You've got to!"

I don't, actually

"This is our last year! You've got to come. You can't miss out!"

The stands. Packed with people. Cheering, screaming. Closely seated together. Trapping him.

"No," He shook his head. "I can't."

"Why not?" Wood frowned.

I'm scared

"I just don't want to," Percy said. "And I don't have to."

"No," Wood agreed. "But you should. You might regret it if you don't."

I won't

I assure you

Percy ignored him and then he felt a hand on his arm. He jerked. Wood looked like he hadn't intended for that to happen.

"Err, sorry-"

"What?"

"Right, er," Wood said, "tell me why you don't want to go? And before you tell me you don't have to, I know that but I'm not asking to make fun of you. I just want to know."

"It's nothing," Percy mumbled, grabbing a quill to write even though they'd been out here long enough he should've had half the parchment full by now. He exhaled, eyes staring down hard at the parchment his vision was going spotty.

"It's always nothing."

"Then you don't have to ask me, do you?"

It came out sharper than he intended for it to be. But Percy couldn't help it. He was sick and tired of being questioned like a suspect; as if he'd done wrong and Wood needed to probe him in order to find out the truth.

And his dormmate only seemed to take his frustrations seriously when he blew up or an equivalent.

Wood went quiet. "M'sorry."

Percy ignored him.

"I just want to help."

We've established that

"I'm worried about you."

No you're not

"Can you at least tell me?" Wood said carefully, as if he anticipated Percy not reacting well to his question.

"Tell you what?" Percy was looking down again and didn't glance up.

"Why you don't want to go," Wood clarified. "I promise I won't ask again. I just want to know."

You're lying

He's lying

Wood was giving him a look. It looked earnest. Percy was honestly caught off guard. He rubbed a hand over his mouth, his head turned away, hand rubbing up and down his leg.

"I..I just don't like crowds."

"Oh," Wood breathed and unbeknownst to Percy, he was looking at him in a new light. "You are?"

Percy's cheeks colored. He coughed. "Yes."

"I didn't know that," Wood said, still staring.

Because I never said it

He shrugged.

"What's it like?"

Percy locked eyes with Wood. "Excuse me?"

"What's it feel like?" Wood elaborated. "Being scared of crowds?"

Like I'm drowning

Like there's no way out

Like I feel faint

But Percy didn't say any of that.

"Uncomfortable," He said, shortly.

"I'm sorry," Wood said. It was useless, apologies were. They didn't do anything to help.

I don't care

"What...what if I could help?"

Percy's head whipped around. "What?" He demanded.

"What could I do to help?" Wood repeated.

"I...I don't understand," Percy blinked dumbly.

"You know," Wood was struggling to be articulate, "to not make it so crazy out there. Would you come if it wasn't?"

Why do you want to help?

You've got nothing to gain from this

"What do you mean?" Percy said, frowning.

"I could cast a noise muffling charm," Wood offered. "You could sit in the back on the right side. Everyone likes to crowd the middle. Not there so you'd have plenty of room."

Percy fiddled with the sleeves of his uniform. The prospect of going made him squirm.

People.

Unable to escape.

Trapped.

"I don't know," Percy gave a shrug, shaking his head slightly.

Wood slumped. "I really think you should," He said.

I don't care

"M'worried about you," Wood admitted.

"Why?"

Percy immediately felt stupid for asking by the way his dormmate was staring at him.

"You only leave the dorm for class. You don't even go to the library anymore!"

"I have no need to."

"I'm worried about you," Wood said. "You need to get out. I want you to come so I know you're alright."

So he doesn't think you tried to kill yourself again

Like last time

When He found you

And pulled you back

"I'm fine," Percy said tiredly.

I'm not fragile

I don't need your concern

I don't need your protection

Just leave me alone

"Please?" Wood said softly. "Just consider it. I'll make sure it's all set up before the game starts."

Percy was wary. Even with the muffled noise, he didn't know if he wanted to be there.

"Please?"

He closed his eyes, sighing.

/

The candle dimly lit up the room. Wood was at the desk. Percy on his bed. He toyed with the sheets, gripping them by the fistfuls.

"Do you promise?" He said suddenly.

"What?" He'd startled Wood.

"Do you promise to have it...all set up?" Percy bit his lip.

Wood brightened up alarmingly fast. Percy shrunk back instinctively. "Yeah! Definitely will. Don't worry. I'll do it before you get there."

"I..I don't want anyone to know," Percy could only imagine how Fred and George would react. They'd laugh uproariously. They'd call him a baby. He'd be teased mercilessly by other classmates who would inevitably find out once the twins spread it around.

"Don't worry," Wood tried to reassure him, which didn't happen in the slightest. "No one will know."

Somehow I doubt that...

/

It was very early in the morning when Percy was abruptly woken up. The sky hadn't even lightened up yet; the tsars were out, scattered across like freckles on a person's cheeks. It was much disappointing when this happened because he'd actually been in a decent slumber.

Until that bloody whistle went off.

Percy sat up straight in his bed; the world was spinning and spots were clouding his vision. His heart was beating rapidly, his head darting around the room in search of the source of the noise, for his mind didn't register what had happened just yet.

What on earth-

"Wake up you lazy scum!"

Wood.

He should have known it was him.

Of course, it was him.

He could hear his dormmate yelling, which would surely wake up the majority, if not all, of everyone in Gryffindor Tower.

"Up, up! Get up! We have a game today!"

Which didn't start for three or four more hours.

Percy groaned, dropping back on the bed.

/

Not to be dramatic, but Percy felt like he was heading towards his death.

He was dressed in a jumper that hung off his frame slightly since he hadn't been eating correctly lately. The leaves crunched under his shoes as he made his way over to the pitch. A good portion of students and faculty were there already, talking amongst themselves, laughing so carefreely, pumped for what was to come.

At this point, both quidditch teams were probably in their respective locker rooms, getting hyped up and going over their plays one last time. He thought he remembered Charlie saying as much. He took reluctant steps, the heavy feeling that seemed to keep his legs from walking faster was overtaking him once again. It wasn't too late to turn back. He could go straight to the tower and Wood wouldn't be able to catch him without the risk of being late. And Wood would never be late for quidditch. That was a fact. Without a doubt.

"'Ello," Wood came out of nowhere, all dressed in his quidditch uniform from head to toe. He had that manic gleam in his eyes that practically screamed how ready he was to crush those Slytherins. "Glad you came!"

"Yes," Percy said stiffly. "Yes...I came."

"You're going to love it!"

Somehow I don't think I will

"I suppose."

"If you get too overwhelmed, you can just leave," Wood offered, like Percy needed permission to do so. "No one will see you, m'sure."

Or they might

They'll see or Fred and George will see

And I'll never hear the end of it

They'll know something's wrong with me

Because there is

There's a lot wrong with you

Percy tugged at his collar. It was starting to feel tight. He tried to tell himself this was just his imagination, that everything was fine and he'd be just fine. It had to be, right? A gust of wind sept through and his arms folded across his chest in an attempt at keeping warm.

"Probably should've put something else on," Wood observed. He put up his hands in surrender when Percy gave him a sharp look. "I only meant that you'll be cold. Should probably put a warming charm on."

Percy begrudgingly acknowledged, inwardly that is, he hadn't thought about that. He'd been prepared to sit amongst the chilly air, counting down the seconds until it was all over. "Right," he mumbled.

"Want me to do it for you?" Wood brandished his wand, hesitant and waiting for an answer.

Percy shrugged.

"Okay then," Wood muttered. He flicked his wand and murmured the incantation. Instantaneously, Percy felt a soothing warmth come over him. It felt like he was sitting near a crackling fire without being overtly so. The red-head's arms fell down at his sides and he let out a puff of air. "Feel better?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes," Percy said quietly.

"Oi, Wood!" George was at the bottom of the stands, hollering up at the quidditch captain. Never once did he look at Percy. But he didn't feel bothered by this. Not really. He was all too used to being ignored by the twins or Ron or Ginny to feel saddened over it. "You coming or what?"

Briefly, Wood was annoyed by the interruption. Percy didn't know why, but he was. He huffed like an animal, like Hermione's cat, Crookshanks whenever he was caught doing something he shouldn't. "I'm coming," he said somewhat grumpily. "Give me a moment."

Gorge sighed dramatically. He was saying something but Percy couldn't decipher what that something was by merely reading his lips. Turning on his heel, his brother headed back towards the locker room presumably to inform the rest of the team.

When they were alone once more, Wood sighed. "I'll be honest with you."

I'm not sure I want you to be

"Your brothers grind on my nerves sometimes."

"Oh," Percy murmured.

"Yeah," Wood glanced over to his left. "I, err, I better go. We've not that much time left."

"Right."

Wood's shoes thudded horrendously as he made his way off the stands and back onto the pitch where he crossed back over to the locker room. Percy watched him momentarily, eyes roving over the spot he would-hopefully-have to himself. He sat down, thankful for the charm that prevented the coldness of the metal to seep through his trousers.

Eventually, more people came out. The stands in which he sat on held a sea of red and elsewhere, the majority of other students were holding up signs in support of Gryffindor. All except for the Slytherin stands which was a given. They were dressed in all green, naturally, and scowled at anyone else who dared look their way. Percy tried not to. He didn't want to be accused of trying to antagonize them, thus giving them a reason to retaliate.

It sounded ridiculous but exactly the kind of logic they would use.

He flinched when Lee Jordan began booming into the megaphone, wasting no time in making a remark at Marcus Flint's expense. Professor McGonagall rounded on him, wagging a finger and warning him just like she did all the other times. He was sort of surprised she hadn't made Lee quit and simply take over herself, considering she's had to interject ever since he'd started. It was well known she was one of the more stricter teachers, although she did share her students' dislike for the rival house so perhaps she tolerated Lee's behavior for that reason.

Wood had been right, astoundingly enough. His fellow Gryffindors packed themselves closely in the middle of the stands, many cramming towards the front. He knew he must have looked a sight; being all by himself in the corner while everyone else was with their friends, happily chatting and laughing and screaming. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. True to his words, Wood did put a muffling charm over the spot. It was as if water was plunged deep into his ears; he could hear but the sounds were distant, rendering them tolerable.

The two quidditch teams took off towards the sky after Madam Hooch forced Wood and Flint to shake hands. It was customary for all captains to do so, though many disliked it. Except perhaps Hufflepuff. He'd never heard a complaint come from them.

Harry went off to the far side, waiting until the time would come when he would see the snitch. Malfoy wasn't too far behind him, ready to follow Harry when needed. Percy hoped there wouldn't be any unnecessary injuries or blood coming from this game. He'd been a witness to Malfoy obnoxiously slamming his shoulder into Harry as they passed each other in the corridor, laughing loudly when Harry would tumble back or drop his things. It wasn't far-fetched to believe the same thing could potentially happen now. Although, Malfoy was in the presence of Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore, which could deter him. Who knows? Percy certainly didn't.

Ron and Hermione were seated within Percy's line of sight. They were at the front, holding onto the railing, their mouths open wide as they yelled out their support of Harry, who he would imagine didn't hear because of all the other noise that drowned it out.

He didn't know why, but seeing his younger brother made an ache return to his heart. He remembered a time before his own first year where he talked to Ron about Hogwarts quite often. They were equally as excited and Ron was eager to inform him about all his plans he wished to accomplish.

"Queeege!" Ron said excitedly.

"You mean quidditch," Percy corrected patiently.

His brother nodded so hard his head could have fallen off.

"What about a Prefect?" Percy said teasingly. "Don't you wanna be more than a smelly old quidditch player?" He ticked Ron's stomach, causing the seven year old to burst into giggles. He squirmed, rolling on the floor, trying to get away from Percy's fingers.

"Percy!"

Percy laughed and stopped to ruffle Ron's hair. "You're a little menace, you know that?"

"Nuh uh!"

"Oh, really?" Percy said playfully.

"Yeah!" Ron nodded his head seriously.

They'd been so close.

Ron was his baby brother. The two of them, like Ginny, had a strong relationship. They did nearly everything together; for Merlin's sake, Ron would become noticeably jealous when Percy, in his brother's opinion, spent too much time with their sister. However, just like Ginny, things had begun to change as Ron grew older. Percy knew it would. He knew things wouldn't stay the same forever. It was inevitable. But that didn't mean it hurt any less.

On the contrary, Percy watched as everything began to deteriorate before his eyes. At a certain point, Fred and George's influence became too great and Ron didn't want to be around him too much anymore to avoid getting made fun of for being boring or whatever else they called him. Not only that, but Ron would be the sibling that yearned for independence. He didn't want to be a baby and be stuck at Percy's side all day nor did he want their mother to give him a hug and a kiss on his cheek. He wanted to be his own person. He wanted to break free; and so, he avoided Percy and went on to do his own thing.

He supposed, in a way, he should have seen this coming and not have taken it so personally.

You're just overreacting

You always do that

You can't just be normal

This is why no one likes you

He just never would have thought it'd be this bad.

It wasn't as simple as Ron had grown up a bit from his younger days with his own interest and preferred his friends over sticking around his brother twenty-four seven; Ron actively avoided Percy, becoming annoyed with him more often than not. It was like he wished Percy wasn't his brother at all with the way he acted. Was that what he felt? It wasn't a secret he looked up to and respected Bill and Charlie just like Fred and George did, regarding them as the cool older brother with the wicked jobs.

Percy wasn't cool.

And the job he'd been striving for, the one he'd previously wanted more than anything, was far below what Ron would think of as wicked.

(And now, life seemed so bleak. That job...he didn't even know what he wanted anymore).

Percy would have given everything to have just one more chance with Ron or Ginny or Fred or George; any one of them. Just one more chance to make things right or to feel like he belonged with them or to hug them like he had during which they all were mere children.

But he'd never get that chance.

And that was the part that hurt the most.

/

People were looking at him.

Glancing at him from their peripheral vision.

Judging him.

Were the other houses doing that as well?

Whispering. People were whispering. He spied a young girl with her hand covering a friend's ear as she spoke into it. Was it about him? Was she snickering over the fact that he was alone? Did she know? Was she aware he hadn't been to a game before? Yes, that was it. He must have stuck out from all the other attendees.

His hands started to move around, mind racing so fast he didn't comprehend what he was doing.

Strange

She thinks you're strange

Perfect Prefect Percy is strange

He needed to leave. Now.

Just as he was maneuvering down through the bleachers, a roar of victory swept through the crowd; Harry had caught the snitch! Lee was bellowing his excitement and Professor McGonagall didn't even tell him off for it.

Worse yet, the spell that Wood promised would help abruptly broke.

The noises were excruciatingly loud; people screamed, they hollered, their feet stomped. Percy's panic heightened. He had to get out of there.

Wood would probably notice and pester him later on about it. But right now, Percy didn't care. Nothing else mattered in that moment except for him finding a way out of there.

/

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

It wasn't working. It wasn't working.

Why wasn't it working?

Percy's hand kept wandering up to his throat, swallowing repeatedly. It was dry. But he had no drink. His breathing was labored but there was nothing physically keeping him from breathing like normal.

It's all in your head

It's always been in your head

You're mad

And you know it

Don't you?

He paced.

And he paced.

And he paced some more.

His fingers clawed at his face, though his nails were short enough that they did no damage. Pity.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

He couldn't shake it. Couldn't brush off what he'd heard. It was as if it was happening once again. Right next to his ear like a taunt. A never ending taunt.

Screaming. Hollering. Stomping.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Dizzy. He was dizzy. The world was spinning again. Worse than it had been that morning. Was he still moving? Or did he stop? His arm reached out to grasp something, anything-the pole of his four-poster bed but he couldn't. It was too far and he could only move his hand in a clenching motion.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

The door opened. He thought. Maybe. Just like how the noises sounded when Wood put that muffling charm up, that's how it was now. Like he was under water. Someone shouted his name. Wood. He was there. Over and over he said his name. He might have shaken his shoulder as well. He came around Percy's front.

"Percy," His lips were moving, eyes wide with freight. "It's okay! It's okay!"

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

"I can't-" Percy rasped out helplessly. "I can't-"

He couldn't breathe.

The spots in his vision came like large clouds. And at last, his legs gave out and he tumbled to the floor in a heap so fast that Wood couldn't catch him in time.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

1, this was my first attempt at a panic attack

2. I don't know if I'll get out chapter 24 next week. Sometimes the chapters take a bit longer, plus I'm studying for finals