December

An open trunk. Clothes piling his bed. An impending feeling of doom that couldn't be brushed off. Nausea. Breathing. A sensation of a hand wrapped around his neck-

It was just mere days before Christmas. The castle had been bustling with excitement. Students were eager to leave, be that for the break of doing classwork or to be reunited with their families once again. Percy felt like a shadow, as though he were witnessing this with no capability of experiencing it himself. Because he didn't feel that way. He didn't feel much of anything.

Empty.

That was more accurate.

A feeling of emptiness that he carried everywhere.

And it wouldn't get better once he returned to the Burrow.

Percy, in all honesty, did not want to leave. He didn't want to be there, but he also didn't want to go home. He didn't know what he wanted to do. Even if he had something in mind, there was no possible way he could do it. Not without tremendous guilt or shame. Not without being made to feel horrible in doing so. Not without immense disapproval.

In short, he was stuck with the circumstances he was in.

And so, on a dreary winter morning with snowflakes falling down, Percy sat in his dormitory. There was no holiday cheer within him. He felt so...bleak on the inside. In turn, that only made him feel worse. Christmas was almost upon them and normal people weren't like this near the holiday's. They were happy and upbeat. They were excited for Christmas morning.

Why couldn't he feel that way?

He was supposed to be putting together his trunk. He and his fellow students would be ushered to the platform soon enough to board the train to take them all back to Kings Cross by the evening time. Thus far, it remained mostly empty.

"You okay?" Wood was stuffing his clothes into his trunk-he had no organization whatsoever.

"Define okay," Percy hadn't meant to sound so bitter. It just came out that way.

Why can't I just stay here?

You know why

Do you really want them to think less of you?
They already do. It wouldn't change anything

"It won't be that bad," Wood said.

Says you

You've got a home worth returning to

You don't get it

Perhaps it was for the best that he didn't. Percy wouldn't' wish these feelings on anyone.

"It'll go by quick," Wood said after letting silence fall over them momentarily. "Always does."

"Not quick enough," Percy knew that by experience. While most students wished the holidays would last forever, he did not. It always went by too slow for his liking.

"I could stop by..maybe," Wood offered. "M'sure my parents wouldn't mind."

"Don't," Percy shook his head.

"You sure?" Wood asked. "Thought you could use some company."

"I don't want nor do I need any," Percy said. "Having the family, plus Harry and Hermione will be enough."

And if Fred and George bring anyone

"Oh," Wood said. He glanced down at his shoes. "Suppose I'll have to wait to give you your gift when we get back, then. Don't have it now."

"You don't have to get me anything," Percy started but was interrupted.

"Course, I do. There's just nothing right for ya when I went to Hogsmeade. Nothing jumped out at me. I'm waitin' till I get back home to find you something in town," Wood told him.

There really was no point in arguing. His dormmate would proceed to do it regardless of what was said.

"If you wish," Percy muttered.

It meant he would have to buy something for Wood. Currently, he had nothing as it never occurred to him to get anything for him.

You're an awful person

Always thinking about yourself

Wood thinks about you all the time

And you can't even be bothered to get him anything

"I know that look," Wood's voice cut through his thoughts.

"What look?"

"You don't have to get me anything," Wood said, as if he were a master of legilimency-which Percy knew for a fact, he wasn't. Or, what the muggles would refer to as a mind reader.

"Nor do you have to get me anything."

"I want to," Wood said.

Percy didn't have the energy to argue.

/

"You're quiet," Wood observed from his seat across from Percy.

"I usually am," Percy wasn't even pretending to read the book that laid open on his lap. His eyes had roved over the same page for the last fifteen minutes. His mind couldn't focus, he couldn't be at ease. All he could think about was how close they were to Kings Cross which meant a crowded platform and rowdy brothers making an unbearable amount of noise which meant things would be crazy at the Burrow which meant-

He exhaled, trying to gather himself.

"Right, but...quieter," Wood elaborated.

"I wasn't aware I had to talk," Percy was starting to become snippy. What business of it was Wood's if he wanted to be silent on the train or not?

"Well, you don't," Wood said.

"Then, let's leave it, shall we?" Percy's voice was sharp.

Wood mumbled an agreement, scratching the back of his neck.

But that didn't last long.

"You know-" Percy almost groaned. "I just had a thought."

Shall I applaud you?

"Shouldn't you be doing Head-Boy stuff?" Wood asked.

"No," Percy said curtly. Being that the holiday's were near, there was nothing necessary to do. It was strongly encouraged that they move around the train to chat with the first years, see how they felt about the school year thus far, but there were no meetings or duties of any kind until they returned from their break.

"Oh," Wood said. "Alright."

Percy covered one eye with his hand. It made him appear like he had a headache but in reality, he was just tired. Genuinely tired from not getting enough sleep. He'd had difficulty the night before.

"You okay?" Wood asked.

"Fine," Percy muttered. "Just tired."

"You can sleep if you want," Wood said. "I'll wake you up when we get there."

Much as it was tempting, Percy couldn't do that. For one, the train ride was a little too bumpy to sleep without an interruption. Plus, he didn't want people passing by and seeing him asleep. He just...he couldn't. It would put him in a vulnerable position.

"No."

Wood didn't push the subject. Instead, he filled any possible silence with his own voice. "M'looking forward to getting home. Whole family's getting together. Plus, after Christmas, I usually babysit my neighbor's kids."

Percy didn't look up as he said, "I didn't know you babysit."

"Course I do," Wood was proud. "My neighbor's a single dad so I help out when I can."

"And you...like kids?"

"Love 'em," Wood agreed. "Want to have some of my own someday."

That was unexpected. He'd always believed Wood to be obsessed with quidditch to the point that things like getting married or having children would be an afterthought.

Maybe he's not as obsessed as you are of your perception of him

"Want at least two or three."

"Oh," Percy said. "Well, that's nice."

"What about you?" Wood was curious, which was never a good sign. "You want kids?"

I don't know what I want anymore

"I suppose I wouldn't mind," was what he settled on.

"Yeah? You going to have a big family like your parents?"

"No," Percy said immediately. Should he have a family, he'd want to only have a couple. That way, he could give them the attention they deserved. A big family might seem nice to some but it wasn't so nice when he was forced to babysit endlessly or watching as his siblings were on the receiving end of their parents' attention whilst he was on the sidelines.

"No?" Wood tilted his head.

"I'd be fine with one or two," Percy said. Come to think of it, he couldn't imagine any of his siblings having a large family of their own.

Wood hummed. He peered out the window. "Nearly there," he said.

I wish we weren't

I don't want to do this

I can't do this

I can't

I can't

"Hey," Wood frowned. "You alright?"

Percy was wringing his hands, unknowingly rocking back and forth.

"Percy," Wood tilted his head, trying to meet Percy's eyes. "Look at me, okay?" he got out of his seat and grasped the red-head's shoulders. "Look at me, Perce. Breathe. Don't hyperventilate on me."

It took a few minutes, but Percy was able to gain control of himself again. His hand flew up to his throat. He exhaled deeply.

"I'm right here," Wood said quietly.

What's wrong with me?

Why do these things keep happening?

Why can't I just be normal?

"There's nothing wrong with you," Wood disagreed.

Oh, he'd said that out loud.

"Why do you think there's something wrong with you?"

"There has to be," Percy didn't feel like dealing with any games. Wood had to have known the truth. There was something wrong with him. Normal people didn't react like he did. Normal people were...normal.

"Why?"

"You know why," Percy inched away. For once, Wood respected that and went back to his seat.

"No, tell me."

I'm going to lose it...

"Do you think normal people do...that?" Percy's voice was barely above a whisper. "There's something wrong with me. There has to be."

"Why?" Wood asked. "Maybe that's just you."

If that's the case, I wish it wasn't

"I don't want it to be." Why can't he just be like everyone else? At least in a sense where he didn't feel so different. Why did he have to feel like he wasn't even human?

"People get afraid, Percy."

"That...that isn't just being afraid," Percy whispered. "Why can't you see it? There's something wrong with me and I...I can't fix it. I can't do anything about it and it's just getting worse!"

"We'll figure it out," Wood promised.

Percy was skeptical. "How?"

"Dunno yet," Wood admitted. "But we will. Research? You like research."

"I doubt the Hogwarts library will have any useful information."

"Doesn't have to be Hogwarts," Wood said. "There's a library near my house. I'll go there sometime before we come back, see what I can find."

"You're going to the library?"

"Yeah," Wood said easily.

Now I know he's mad

"Uh huh," Percy didn't know what to think.

"Don't worry, Perce!" Wood beamed, "We'll get this sorted out!"

Somehow, he wasn't so sure he believed him.

/

The train came to a halt. They were there. They were at Kings Cross. Percy sucked in a breath. There was no getting away from it now. There was no denying it-it was happening.

And he wished it wasn't.

"Just breathe," Wood advised, rising to his feet, looking ready to reach out if Percy collapsed on the floor. "Want me to walk out with you?"

"No," Percy shook his head. It wasn't like his siblings didn't know about Wood because they did but he didn't want it to be brought up in front of his parents. He didn't want to see the amazement on his mum's face. Because he seemed to have a friend for the first time...ever.

He wouldn't be able to withstand it.

Or the remarks that would inevitably come with it. His siblings wouldn't let it slide. They never did.

"You sure?" Wood asked.

"I'm sure."

"Okay," Wood eventually said. "Well, have a good Christmas, Percy. I'll send your present by owl sometime before we come back."

"Okay," Percy mumbled. He let Percy go first, who got to the end where he stepped out onto the crowded platform. All at once, time slowed down and he couldn't push away the sensation that he was trapped.

"You okay?" Wood was behind him, hand on his shoulder. It shattered his thoughts.

"F...Fine," Percy's eyes darted around for his mother. He couldn't see her yet. That was a good thing.

"Want to meet my parents?" Wood said.

"Uh-"

"It'll be quick," Wood assured him. "Bit keen on meeting you, they are."

"...What?"

Wood was sheepish. "Might've mentioned you in a few letters. Don't worry, didn't tell them anything. Just basic stuff."

The question is, what do you think qualifies as 'basic'?

"I...erm-"

"If you want to," Wood said.

"No," Percy decided. "No."

"Alright," Wood accepted this. He smiled at Percy. "I'll see you."

"Yeah," Percy watched on as his dormmate walked away. "See you..."