Percy couldn't quite figure out why his stomach was in knots, uneasily sloshing around or why there came a feeling of impending doom.
Nor could he get rid of either of those.
His brothers left nearly an hour ago once dinner was over, vaguely mentioning how they needed to go out for a bit but wouldn't be long. Mum, with pursed lips, seemed displeased by their plans as she much preferred then all to be under the same roof when they were together. He expected her to protest, but she did not. Perhaps she was still sour after what happened at dinner, that interrogation. It left her flustered, offended at what she saw as nothing more than unfair accusations.
It's all my fault, he thought as the guilt bubbled to the surface. He could have kept his mouth shut, pretended that he didn't see Fred and George playing with his gift. Then Bill wouldn't have intervened. He wouldn't have punished the twins by keeping them out of the upcoming quidditch game. He wouldn't have seen the reaction that came from Mum and he and Charlie wouldn't have ambushed her like that.
He sat in his bedroom, no different than any other time. From the second he heard that his brothers were going out, the knot had formed. He told himself he was being foolish as it was likely nothing to be concerned about.
He was overreacting.
He was looking for a problem when it didn't exist.
You're always doing that
Pacing around his room, the floor thudding lightly underneath him, Percy's hands were on his forehead, the tips of his fingers in his hair. Something didn't feel right. He could feel it, stirring inside of him so ferociously that he could not help but imagine several unpleasant scenarios that did nothing more than to worsen how anxious he was.
Percy flinched at the soft tap, tap noise. Heart hammering, he noticed a tawny owl sitting on the edge of his window, impatient waiting for it to be opened. A mixture of dark and light brown, it stared at Percy with disturbingly determined eyes.
It didn't look familiar. It couldn't have belonged to his brothers and certainly not to anyone here.
Upon opening, he shivered at the rush of freezing air that hit him. He undid the letter as quickly as he could, his face apologetic that he had no treats to give to the owl as compensation for its journey.
"Sorry," he murmured.
The owl hooted, flying off back to where it came from.
Who could this be from? Well, perhaps there was no reason to wonder. There was only one person out there who would willingly be owling him; not to mention, now that he turned it over, there was some rather familiar scribbling on the front.
Percy,
Your brothers were here asking about you. Don't worry, I haven't told them anything.
Just thought you should know.
Oliver
His blood ran cold. They...they went to Wood's? What had they been thinking? How could they do that to him? He'd known they wanted more information than what he revealed to them, but he'd thought they would respect him enough not to go looking for more.
Perhaps not.
Why would they respect you when no one else does?
His eyes ran over that second line again. Don't worry, I haven't told them anything. Had he truly not? Had he resisted the urge to spring everything that he knew on them? Another thought occurred to him. What if it was all a lie? Wood had been persistent, he thought the family deserved to know what almost happened. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why Percy had wanted to keep it all to himself.
So he did this.
He lulled you into a false sense of security just to do this
He tricked you
He hates you and he's probably laughing to himself how gullible you were
He probably wrote to Bill and Charlie himself, the sneaky sod. That way, he could tell them everything, then act like they went to him to save his own bum. Percy's pulse was palpitating in his chest, his mind running wild. The anger, the panic; building and building, coursing through him so forcefully he could have combusted at any moment.
He should go over there. He should confront Wood for having the audacity to say anything to anyone. It wasn't his place to say anything, no matter how 'helpful' he thought he was being. Percy would remind him of that. He wouldn't accept any excuses, any kind of feeble justification.
Honestly! What business was it of Wood's, anyway? What right could he possibly have to take initiative like that?
None
He had none
Better yet, what right did Bill and Charlie have? Why did they think they were privy to his innermost thoughts? He knew they were trying to help, trying to understand what he was feeling.
But he didn't want it. He didn't want their help. He didn't want them to understand anything.
It's none of their business
They don't need to know
They wouldn't truly get it. They couldn't ever get it.
He couldn't keep trying to explain. He couldn't keep hearing the suggestions that were supposed to fix things or to be told that his perceptions were wrong, that the family did indeed care for him.
The last one angered him the most.
It stung more than anything else he heard. Whether it came from his older brothers, Wood or Mum, its meaning was clear.
It didn't matter what the family did to him, what they said or how they acted around him-he was wrong for thinking the way he did. He was wrong for pointing it out, wrong for taking it as anything more than a joke.
You're too serious.
Can't you take a joke?
You shouldn't take it personally.
Mum and Dad used to say that last one to him all the time. He shouldn't take it personally because that's just how they were. They just want to wind you up, Dad would say after an explosion occurred between him and the twins. It never made any sense to Percy why he said that. If he knew that was what they were doing, why didn't he and Mum put a stop to it? Because they don't care. Mum had moments where she expressed frustration at Fred and George not listening. She'd played a part in that. She'd only reinforced the rules sometimes and honestly, it wasn't always done very well.
Percy had tried his hardest not to take things personally. Liar! He tried taking his dad's advice. Dad thought, with foolish hope, that if he changed just a little, it would help his relationship with the twins tremendously.
Why did he have to be the one to change? Why couldn't Fred and George comprehend that sometimes he just wanted to be left alone? Why was it so difficult for them to see that sometimes they took things a little too far?
/
"Oi, Percy!"
"Be quiet, will you? Merlin, you'll wake up the whole house."
"Take your knickers out of their twist. I've got this; Percy, hey, Percy-"
His eyes opened sleepily, momentarily going wide at seeing a blurry figure's face inches away from his own. A strangled gasp left his throat and he was left thoroughly startled.
"See?" Charlie beamed at Bill, who rolled his eyes. "He's awake."
"After you nearly sent him into early heart failure," Bill sighed heavily. "You alright?"
Obviously not
With his hand on his chest, Percy let out a shaky breath as he reached for his glasses. "What are you doing?" he whispered, anger masking the embarrassment he felt.
"We wanted to talk to you," Charlie responded and instantly, the dread from earlier came back worse than ever.
"I was trying to sleep," Percy said tersely.
"We know, but this is important," Bill said before Charlie could. "You don't have to get out of bed and we'll put a privacy charm on so no one will hear a thing, alright?"
He felt cornered as they surrounded his bed whilst he stayed in it. Even though he knew his brothers wouldn't try anything, he couldn't help that feeling. That feeling of being trapped with no way to escape.
Slowly, he exhaled. He told himself he was being ridiculous.
"I know you don't want to talk about it." His eyes darted over to where Bill was. "But you need to."
I don't need to do anything
"I've already talked to you about it," Percy managed to keep his voice calm and steady, the opposite of the panic that was overtaking him on the inside.
"Not everything!" Charlie cut in.
This took Percy's breath away. Bill's critical gaze wasn't helping either.
"I suppose he's told you," Percy said, keeping his eyes on his lap.
Of course he has
"He hasn't."
Percy looked up, not expecting that.
"He wouldn't," Charlie told him, not sounding entirely pleased by it. "He said we needed to ask you."
He didn't? Percy wondered.
"So that's what we're doing," Bill jumped in. "Please, Perce. Talk to us."
"There's nothing else left to say."
A lie. A big, gaping lie. There was so much more but none that he was willing to share.
"We don't believe that," Charlie said firmly.
I don't care
You're lying
Of course you care
"I don't have to tell you both everything," Percy gripped the bed sheet with both hands.
Neither of his brothers said anything at first. Then, Bill unexpectedly said, "Can I sit down?" Percy simply stared at him for his odd request. Clarifying, he said, "On the bed?"
"I suppose..."
He sat on the edge of the bed while Charlie remained standing. "Percy," he said after a brief pause, "you're worrying us. We know there's more than what you're telling us. I'm glad you have Oliver and you feel comfortable talking to him but you need more than just him."
Percy resisted telling him that it wasn't done out of him being comfortable with Wood.
"Let us help you," Bill finished with a plea.
"You can't."
No one can help me
"Why?" Charlie said without hesitating.
You can't fix this
I can't even fix this
"Why are you doing this to yourself, Perce?"
Time came to a standstill. Bill shot Charlie a look between incredulity and anger. Percy himself was stunned to hear the question out of his brother's mouth.
Is that what he thinks?
He wouldn't have been surprised to hear it from Wood, but Charlie?
As for his brother, he seemed to have regretted the words as soon as he finished the question. "Perce, I-"
He didn't even realize he was out of bed until the chill of the floor hit his feet. He could feel the blood pounding in his ears, could feel the air around him restricting.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Did they think this was done on purpose? Did they think he liked feeling this way? Did they think this was all his fault?
Of course they do
"Do you really think that?"
"I didn't-"
"Do you think that?" Percy's chest heaved up and down.
"No!" Charlie shook his head roughly. "It-it just came out, that's all."
It just came out because that's you think
You think I'm just doing this to myself
You think this has an easy fix
He was brought back to the conversation he'd had with Wood back at Hogwarts.
Just don't think about it
Think happy thoughts
Haven't you tried?
Percy never stared someone down. It was usually himself under the scrutiny of someone else. But by Merlin, he did it this time; staring unblinkingly at Charlie, the emotions swirling inside of him evaporating at once. "I don't want to feel like this."
"I didn't mean-"
"Let me speak!"
His brothers were stunned into silence. They were unable to do anything but watch as he paced within the room, arms flinging, breathing rapid. The anger had returned.
"I'm bloody sick of everyone assuming! Mum and Dad think I want nothing to do with anyone. Ron thinks I'm selfish. The twins and Ginny think I'm boring and that I only care about school. When did they ever ask me?" The smile on his face was ironic, meaningless. "Why did they never ask me instead of assuming?"
Charlie let out a sigh, shutting his eyes.
"I just want some respect," Percy continued on. "I'd like to be treated like a bloody person and to be seen as one. Every single bloody person in this bloody house is allowed to act like one but me! I can't be who I am without being questioned, without someone assuming and it isn't fair!"
He stood there breathing heavily, his voice having risen higher than it had been in ages. Bill and Charlie, to their credit, didn't attempt to refute any of what he'd said. If anything, they seemed defeated. Worn.
"You're right," Bill accepted this. Percy wondered if he truly believed that or he was merely placating him. "You're right, it isn't fair."
"We should have done more," Charlie said. "Something to help."
"I don't reckon that would've helped anything," Percy muttered.
"You don't know that," Charlie argued. "It could've."
Percy was growing steadily agitated at how his brothers, Charlie in this instance, just couldn't get it. This was not anything that could require a simple fix. This misconception that they had the power to swoop in and change everything sparked a flame of irritation within him. "No, it couldn't!" He snapped. "Why don't you understand?"
Because they can't
No one can understand
Ron wasn't the only one who processed the infamous Weasley temper, Charlie shot back at him, "What's your problem, Percy? We're trying to help you!"
"I don't want your help!" Before Percy knew it, he was yelling back at his brother. "I didn't ask for it either!"
"Calm down!" Bill hissed them. "Honestly you two-"
"Well, you clearly need it!" Charlie shouted, his face flushing as red as his hair.
"No, I don't!"
"After what you told us? Excuse me if I don't take your word for it," Charlie scoffed.
Percy got right up close, mere inches away from Charlie's face. "I don't bloody care what you think, Charlie."
"Okay, enough," Bill physically came in between them both. This forced him and Charlie to break apart, though they still glared at one another. "Blimey, I haven't had to break up a fight in ages. Calm down you two."
"Talk some sense into him!" Charlie flung a hand in his direction.
"Sense?" Percy reared up again in anger.
Bill looked at them warningly, then turned to Charlie with a pointed finger. "You're not helping."
"Me?" Charlie cried out indignantly.
"And you," Bill said to Percy with a sigh, "calm down. There's no need for this."
"There's no need for you two to be involved!" Percy said loudly. "I'm fine."
"Fine?" Charlie repeated. "You call this fine?"
Bill interjected, "Percy, I know this isn't easy to deal with but as your older brothers, we're not going to let this go. You're not acting like yourself-"
"That's the point, isn't it, Bill?" Percy spat. "I can't be."
"Yes," Bill ended up agreeing. "That's true. I know what you mean."
"They should have done something about it sooner," Charlie added sulkily and whether that was from the topic or him still stewing over that explosion that happened, Percy didn't know.
"It's out of hand now," Bill nodded.
"Well, it doesn't matter," Percy shrugged, feeling drained.
"Why?" His brothers asked simultaneously.
He stared at them as if they were mad. "It isn't going to change anything. Mum and Dad won't do anything about it."
"It doesn't mean we shouldn't try," Charlie insisted. "We've got to do something."
"It should be my choice, shouldn't it?" Percy said tersely.
"If you make the right one," Charlie folded his arms.
Bill grimaced. "Here we go again..."
"This really isn't any of your business, Charles."
"I think you'll find that it is," Charlie said coolly. "Now since Wood wouldn't say anything, you can start by telling us-"
"I'm saying a bloody word to either of you!"
"Why not?" Charlie shot out.
"I don't have to!"
"Yes, you keep saying that," Charlie rolled his eyes. "But why? What are you hiding?"
"I'm not hiding anything," Percy denied.
"You're lying!" Charlie accused.
He's got you
The accusation sent a chill up Percy's spine, who desperately needed to keep them from finding out. "No...No, I'm not."
"Really?" Charlie said flatly. "Because I know when each one of you is lying and you're definitely lying right now."
It did nothing to keep him off the edge, feeling discomfort at how well Charlie could read him while not knowing what he was doing to tip him off.
"Just go away," he mumbled, wishing he could be back in his bed without being crowded.
"No," Charlie tilted his chin upward. "We're not going. We're not leaving here until we know what's wrong so you might as well just tell us now."
The figurative walls were starting to crumble. His brothers could do that; they just had this ability that no one else had where they could get him to talk even when he didn't want to. Percy took in their pleading stares, the silent way they begged him to let them in.
"Please, Percy..." That came from Bill, who seemed exhausted all of the sudden.
"Alright," Percy whispered in the darkness, his arms falling limply by his sides. "I'll tell you."
His brothers inhaled, awaiting his response.
"What Wood didn't want to mention is that...well," he couldn't get the words out. He'd acknowledged it, he'd thought it. But to stand here and confess to his brothers, the brothers he'd idolized at a young age-
"You what?" Charlie said urgently.
"I...I almost jumped off the astronomy tower."