In this chapter: Darry battles nightmares, and his girlfriend is there to help.
The mattress underneath me moved abruptly, jerking me awake. At first, I didn't think anything of it and I was going to quickly fall back asleep, but the sound of rapid breathing behind me told me that Darry was awake, and it wasn't by choice. I turned around to face him, and I saw that his eyes were screwed shut.
"Darry?" I asked quietly, trying not to startle him.
He opened his eyes, and I watched him as he quickly went from someone who looked scared to someone who had plenty of practice putting on a brave face. "Hey darling, I'm sorry I woke you up." He moved closer to me, kissed my forehead, and wrapped an arm around me.
"You okay?" I asked.
In response, he tightened his grip on me and pulled me closer to his chest. "I'm fine. Go back to sleep. It's too early to be up."
I was too tired and naïve of my boyfriend's nightmares to know that it wasn't just a one-time thing, so I listened to him and fell asleep in his arms.
For a while, Darry's nightmares would just cause him to jerk awake, which made me to wake up whenever I slept at his house and shared the bed with him, but we'd quickly fall back asleep once Darry realized it was just a dream. At least, I thought Darry went back to sleep after his nightmares, but looking back on it, I'm not so sure he did anything except watch me sleep.
One night, a loud gasp and sudden movement woke me up and practically gave me a heart attack. While my heart continued to race, I turned my head, and I spotted Darry sitting on the side of the bed, head down, fingers intertwined in his hair, and he was still panting like he had run a marathon.
"Darry?" I muttered, but he must've not heard me over his own breathing, so I reached for the tight spot between his shoulder blades and touched him. "Darry?"
He jumped in surprise at the contact, but he looked back at me and offered a smile. "I'm okay, just a nightmare. Go back to sleep, Kate."
"You've been having those a lot lately," I said as I sat up and moved closer to him. He didn't move to face me or anything, so I gently wrapped my arms around him and hugged him from behind. "You want to talk about it?"
He sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm fine."
I didn't believe him, but I didn't argue either.
It was eleven o'clock by the time Darry and I finished patching up the guys after the Socs jumped them. Pony, Soda, and Steve were at the drive-in when it happened, but they managed to escape with mostly just cuts and bruises. I could tell we were all bothered by what happened, especially since Pony was the one that had a blade slice across his side before Soda knocked the Soc out. It wasn't a deep cut at all, but it was a reminder how far the Socs were willing to go with their grudges.
Darry helped get Pony and Soda cleaned up, but Steve seemed too proud to let Darry help him, so I stepped in. I had my fair share of experience playing nurse for the gang, so I was done with Steve in no time.
I cut slices of chocolate cake for everyone, and after Steve took his to the living room, I could hear Darry talking with his brothers in the bathroom. "You guys sure you're okay? Pony, how's that cut?"
"I'm fine, Darry. Barely a scratch," Ponyboy mumbled, although I wouldn't have been surprised if he was fighting back tears. He didn't like fights, and I figured he was more scared than hurt. That poor kid didn't deserve to be picked on by the Socs so much.
There were more words exchanged in that room, but they were too quiet for me to hear, so I focused on cutting the cake and leaving enough for the following day since we wouldn't have time to make another one that night. Before I knew it, Pony and Soda walked into the kitchen, and when they saw their slices of cake prepared for the on plates, they both grinned happily.
"Thanks, Kate," Soda said as he grabbed a plate and sat next to Steve on the couch.
When Pony reached for his, I caught his eye. "You alright, Ponyboy?"
He nodded, but I could see the red rims around his eyes. "Yeah. Thanks," he said before following Soda.
When Darry walked out of the bathroom, he immediately went to the dinner table and dropped heavily into a chair. Knowing how exhausted my boyfriend was, I brought his slice to him and sat next to him. "You okay?"
He let out a long sigh and buried his face in his calloused hands. "I'm fine. I'm not the one who got jumped." His tone wasn't harsh, and he wasn't even being rude, but after the words left his mouth, he looked at me with wide and tired eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I-"
"You don't have anything to be sorry about," I interrupted, not about to let Darry feel guilty about something that I wasn't even upset about.
He closed his eyes briefly and sighed again. After a beat, he slowly stood up, "I'm going to bed. Are you staying over?" He always asked in a way that sounded hopeful, like he wanted me to spend the night, but he also made it clear that I didn't need to. He's always such a gentleman.
I nodded. "Yeah, I'll stay here." He gave me a small smile before he leaned down to give me a kiss goodnight. Then he went to his bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar.
I wanted to give Darry some time to himself, so I ate part of his slice before putting the rest back with what was left of the cake. As I walked towards Darry's room, I glanced at the three guys in the living room. "You sure you're all okay?" I was asking all of them, by I kept my eyes on Ponyboy the longest. He wasn't weak, but he was the youngest in the gang, and he's the one that got cut with a blade.
"We'll be fine," Soda said as he slung and arm around his kid brother's shoulders. "Steve's gonna spend the night on the couch like our guard dog. Right Steve?"
Steve shot a glare in Soda's direction, but the joke made Pony laugh, which all of us knew was the goal, so Steve didn't say anything.
"Alright, goodnight you guys," I said before quietly entering Darry's room.
I approached the bed, and saw that Darry had already nodded off. He's so tired all of the time, he could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. He always left half of the bed open for me, and even after a stressful and emotional night, he still made sure I had room. Even in his sleep, Darry looked unbelievably tense; his muscles seemed tight and his shoulders were up by his ears. I wanted to offer comfort or massage his muscles to get him to relax, but since he was already asleep, I let him be. He was a light sleeper, and the moment I would touch his skin, he'd be sure to wake up, so I slowly laid next to him and went to sleep.
It felt like I had barely shut my eyes when a strangled noise woke me up. My eyes popped open, and when I turned to face Darry, I was surprised by what I saw. Darry had slightly curled into himself and was mumbling into his pillow through quiet, choked out sobs.
"Darry," I said softly, hoping he'd talk to me about what was going on, but he didn't reply. It took me a moment to realize he was still asleep, which meant he was having another nightmare, and by the looks of it, it was the worst one I'd seen.
His breathing became more ragged and I could hear him muttering the names of his brothers into the pillow. I can't let him keep suffering like this.
I reached out and gently touched his shoulder. "Darry, sweetie, wake up." Darry flinched, his eyes shot open, and he gasped for air. I slowly ran my fingers through his hair, trying to offer support and give him something to ground himself with as he regained his breath. "It's okay, babe. It was a nightmare; it's not real."
He let out a sigh, and as he sat up, I spotted a tear falling down his cheek. Before I could hug him or give him any other form of support, he turned around and sat on the edge of the bed closest to him. His back was facing me, his elbows rested on his knees, and he buried his face in his hands like I've seen him do so many times.
"That's not true," he mumbled, finally responding to me.
What's that supposed to mean?
I took his short sentence as a sign he was willing to talk, so I moved across the bed and sat next to him. Then I slowly put my arm around him in order not to spoke him, and to my delight, he didn't flinch. In fact, he seemed to relax ever-so-slightly from my touch. "Please talk to me, Darry."
He shook his head in his hands. "It's okay, Kate. I'm alright."
"Darry, look at me," I instructed. I didn't say anything else until Darry finally pulled his head away from his hands and looked at me with teary eyes. "I'm worried about you. Please talk to me. You can tell me anything, but it better be the truth. I don't want to hear you're fine when you're obviously not."
I could see the wheels in his head turning as he debated whether or not to tell me what was going on. When he spoke, it sounded like he was being very careful about the words he said. "I don't want to worry you. I've dealt with them-"
"You'll worry me more if you don't talk about it," I interrupted. "I know you're strong and you've been dealing with this on your own, but let me help you."
After an eternity passed, he let out a sigh. "Okay."
I released my own sigh of relief. Finally. "So what's going on? What did you mean by something wasn't true?"
He looked down at his hands, apparently unable to meet my eyes anymore. "You said it was just a nightmare and it wasn't real, but that's not true. It is real."
"What's real, Darry?" I asked softly as I squeezed my arm tighter around him, encouraging him to keep talking.
"My brothers getting hurt." Oh, I think I know where he's going with this. He took a breath before he revealed his secrets. "I've had the occasional nightmare ever since I was a kid, nothing like Ponyboy though; I don't think I ever screamed in my sleep or be impossible to wake up like him. But ever since Mom and Dad died and I became a legal guardian, the bad dreams have happened almost every night. I constantly have nightmares about my brothers getting hurt, or worse, and I can't do anything about it."
It made complete sense to me; Darry wants absolutely nothing more than to protect and provide for his brothers, so having something bad happen to them is quite literally his worst nightmare. "And since they just got jumped tonight, it became real?" It wasn't really a question since I knew the answer, but he nodded his head anyway.
"Yeah." I thought he was going to stop there, but I was surprised when he kept talking. "A lot of times, the nightmares are about my brothers and all the ways I'm not enough for them or can't protect them. Once in a while I'll dream about our parents and how they died, or something happening to the guys, but usually it's something happening to Soda, Pony, or you. Seeing any of you get hurt… I can't handle it." I was a little surprised that I was in the same category as his brothers, and if the situation at hand wasn't so upsetting, I might've been happy about the newly revealed information.
Darry dropped his head in his hands again, and this time, he was openly crying and his body was shaking. I didn't like seeing my boyfriend sob, but it was good that he was finally letting his emotions out. He's been so strong for so long that he doesn't know how to let the walls he built fall.
I wrapped both of my arms around him as he cried. I knew he hated anyone seeing him so vulnerable, probably me most of all, but I was so proud of him for it. "It's okay, Darry. They're both home, safe, and okay." I gave him a minute of silence before I pulled away from him and put my hand on his cheek, causing him to look at me. "Darry, why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked, trying to sound kind and not accusatory.
He took a breath and his eyes dropped to his hands again. "I- I didn't want to worry you… or make you think I was some kind of wimp or bawl baby." The idea of Darry Curtis being a wimp was laughable, and I tried to remain neutral instead of look at him like he was crazy for suggesting such a ridiculous idea. "I've dealt with these nightmares for years; I can handle it on my own."
"Here's the thing, Darry: you don't have to deal with this alone. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere," I said was so much confidence, it made him look up at me. "And if you really think anyone in the world would call you a wimp or bawl baby, you're not as smart as I thought you were," I said with lots of sass, making him smile a little.
I attempted to get my tone to return to serious, yet soft. "I've been worried about you for a while Darry, and not because I knew what was going on, but because I didn't know. I can't help you if you don't tell me the truth, and this is something I want to help you with."
He looked into my eyes, I assumed to see if there was a hint of a lie in them, but seeing only truth and honesty, Darry nodded. Then he pulled me into a tight and warm embrace, which I returned. "Thank you, Kate," he whispered into my hair after kissing the top of my head.
It didn't feel right for Darry to be thanking me when it was him that was doing the hard part by allowing me to see him be vulnerable. I squeezed him tighter, and spoke into his chest. "Thank you for telling me all of that. I know it's not easy."
He pulled away from me so he could look at my face. "It's not, but you make it easier." Then he pulled me into a kiss that I was happy to reciprocate.
When we broke apart, both of us had heavy eyelids. "Ready to go back to sleep?" I asked.
I would've understood if he didn't want to try sleeping again for fear of another nightmare, but I was happy when he nodded. "Yeah, that sounds nice."
Together, we laid back down on the bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, Darry put a protective arm across my waist and pulled me closer. By the sounds of his breathing, Darry nodded off before me.
When I woke up the next morning, Darry was surprisingly still sleeping beside me. I wanted him to sleep as much as he could, so I carefully slid out from under his arm and went to the kitchen to get some breakfast. As I walked, I glanced to the living room and saw Steve still out cold on the couch, so I stayed as quiet as I could as I continued walking.
I was surprised to find Soda sitting at the table, eating chocolate cake and drinking chocolate milk. I didn't know what it was with the Curtis boys and chocolate, but it was their kryptonite.
"Good morning," I whispered, hoping nobody else in the house would wake up.
Soda looked up and gave me a toothy, and chocolatey, smile. "Mornin' Kate." He looked behind me as I sat down, and he raised an eyebrow at me. "Darry still asleep?"
"Yeah, he's been pretty tired lately," I said casually. "I hope he sleeps in today."
Soda looked at me like he was analyzing my brain, and it made me feel like he was reading my mind. I thought he could only do that with Ponyboy. Finally, he let out a breath and spoke even quieter. "How was he last night?" When my eyebrows shot up, he grinned. "I know about his nightmares, and you must know about them at least a little by now. He doesn't tell me much about them, but once in a while I can get him to talk."
I gave him a smile. "You're a good brother, Soda. You know that?"
He gave me a mock superior expression. "Some might say I'm the best brother," he joked, and I had to cover my mouth so I wouldn't laugh hard enough to wake anyone up. When I could control my laughter, Soda went back to talking seriously. "So really, how was he? He must be getting some sleep if you managed to sneak out without him waking up. Usually he can't fall back asleep once he wakes up; the bad dreams kinda haunt him for a while."
No wonder Darry is always tired. He probably only gets a couple hours of sleep every night.
"He had a pretty bad one last night, and it must've been his breaking point because he finally cracked and told me everything." Then I let out a breath, and I almost felt ashamed about what I admitted next. "I knew he was having bad dreams, but until last night, I didn't know the extent of them."
Soda nodded understandingly. "Don't feel bad, he's good at hiding stuff like that. How much did he tell you?"
"Everything, I think," I said. I hoped Darry wasn't hiding anything form me anymore, but I guess he would be the only one who would know. "Told me how long he's had them, what they're about… all that kind of stuff."
Again, Soda nodded. "He doesn't like to talk about his feelings in general, but his nightmares are a sore subject. Pony's are more obvious and he can wake up the whole house, but Darry is quieter and can hide them better. I know he's had them since we were younger, but after Mom and Dad… he's always so stressed and worried, they happen almost every night."
I sighed. "I hope things will be better for him now. I can't imagine going through that all the time."
"The fact he could talk to you about it says a lot," Soda said, his grin never faltering. "You know Darry; he doesn't open up to just anyone."
I felt a smile sweep across my face. "Yeah, he's not a fan of showing his emotions, is he?"
Soda chuckled quietly. "No he's not. But you and I, we found a way to get him to spill his guts… so congrats to us," he said, holding his glass of chocolate milk like a toast, then he chugged it.
I grinned and shook my head at Soda's antics, but after he wiped the milk mustache from his face, he spoke seriously. "You know, he sleeps better when you're here," he said with a smile spreading across his face. "Probably because he wakes up and everyone he loves is here, and if they're here, he can protect them. That's what most of his nightmares are about anyways."
I felt myself blush a little. Of course I knew Darry loves me and wants to protect me, but it's different to hear someone else say it. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."
Deciding to forget about breakfast, I stood up and let out a yawn that was only semi-forced. "I think I'm going to get some more sleep."
Soda grinned at me. "Sweet dreams, Kate."
I went back to Darry's room and found my boyfriend in the same position that I left him in. I slowly climbed back into the bed and put Darry's arm around me once again. His breathing was still even, so I knew he was still asleep, but I heard him let out a breath in his sleep as I moved closer to him and pressed myself into his chest. I smiled before allowing my eyes to shut and returning to the land of slumber.
I realize several chapters include Soda and Kate having conversations about Darry, but I really believe that would be the dynamic if Darry did have a girlfriend because they both love Darry so much and just want what's best for him, so if you disagree... sorry.