Privacy is a relative concept when you work for the NSA and CIA. Chuck had always been careful, but how well could he really cover his tracks? Casey thought he knew everything—until something unexpected appeared in the data.
This was part of cover. Well, not really, but it was an interesting part of staying in control. When we think about privacy, a lot of things come to mind, but internet search history and grocery store receipts probably aren't the first.
Chuck was way too smart to fall into the trap of searching for anything on a normal open network, and Casey had quickly noticed he'd set up his own way of covering his tracks online. But come on—it's the NSA and the CIA. You don't just disappear from them. It took a few weeks after Operation Bartowski started for them to realize that, despite Chuck spending most of his day on a computer, tablet, or phone, there was barely any trace of his online activity. The numbers just didn't add up. A little unannounced visit one afternoon let Casey pinpoint the encrypted line Chuck was using to browse, and a few weeks later, he had full access to every site and search. For security reasons, obviously, Chuck had no idea. And he never even suspected.
Casey found it all a little boring, honestly. He'd expected at least some suspicious searches, some sign that Chuck had figured out how deep this really went and was leaking intel or at least slipping up. But no. His browsing habits were as mundane as you'd expect from a nerd working tech support at the Buy More. He watched videos on reverse engineering, programming tutorials, game analysis, and, occasionally, deep dives into Swiss cheese—odd, sure, but it tracked for a guy who split his lunch sandwich with Morgan Grimes.
The digital surveillance went on for weeks. Sarah, on the other hand, thought they were overdoing it. Chuck already had enough on his plate, being forced into a double life, and now, on top of that, having Casey constantly in the apartment next door. But orders were orders.
The monotony didn't last long.
One night, after a long and exhausting mission, Casey returned to his post and checked Chuck's latest searches. At first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But then, something stood out.
Chuck's search history had changed.
Casey frowned. It wasn't exactly a national security threat, but for Chuck? It was… unexpected. He did some quick mental math. There was only one woman close enough to Chuck to justify this kind of concern.
He grunted, grabbed his phone, and sent a message.
Casey: "Here's the full report. Enjoy the read."
Sarah opened it and started scrolling. Within seconds, her expression shifted from indifference to pure disbelief.
Her phone buzzed again, Casey, always efficient. She tapped the files and found a list of Chuck's recent searches. At first, nothing unusual. A few forums, some medical articles… and then, a few very specific pages.
"How to rebuild trust in a relationship?"
"How to deal with emotional insecurities?"
"Tips for staying relaxed in intimate moments."
"How to get back into sex after years without?"
"How long before your body forgets?"
"What if I get nervous in the moment?"
— Oh, Chuck… — Sarah muttered, biting her lip.
There was a pattern. He was really worried about this. Some of the pages offered tips on staying calm, others were advice for guys who'd been… out of practice for a while. But what really caught her attention were the forum posts. Chuck had clearly made an anonymous account just to ask.
"Is it normal to feel anxious even with someone you trust?"
"Can nerves mess things up?"
"What if I just freeze?"
Something twisted in Sarah's chest. This wasn't funny anymore. It wasn't something to tease him about. He was genuinely taking this seriously.
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Casey wasn't exactly known for his subtlety. When he spotted Sarah in their makeshift base at Castle, he simply held up his phone with a knowing look before tossing it onto the table.
— You saw the report. — His tone was flat.
Sarah sighed. Of course she had. She didn't need Casey rubbing it in.
— He's not doing anything wrong, Casey.
— Never said he was. But he's spiraling, and that could be a problem.
Sarah crossed her arms.
— A problem?
Casey scoffed.
— Look, Walker, I could just pull the nerd aside and tell him there's no time for this kind of insecurity. That despite all his anxiety, nothing's ever gonna happen with you. But we both know that wouldn't work.
Sarah frowned. The idea of Casey addressing this with Chuck was almost laughable… and a total disaster waiting to happen.
— So you want me to talk to him?
— I want someone to talk to him before he ends up Googling 'how to talk to women without looking like a complete idiot.'
Sarah rolled her eyes but couldn't hide the small smirk that tugged at her lips.
— You really think he needs help with that?
Casey shrugged.
— I don't care if he needs it. I care that he thinks he does.
Sarah was quiet for a moment. Casey wasn't wrong—it wasn't about whether Chuck actually had a problem, but about the fact that he was worried enough to think he did. And she didn't want him carrying that alone.
— Fine. I'll talk to him.
Casey nodded, satisfied.
— Good. Saves me the trouble.
Sarah grabbed her phone and walked out of the base, her heartbeat just a little faster than before. Chuck had always been honest with her. Now, it was her turn to do the same.
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That night, when Chuck said goodbye to Morgan and walked into Wienerlicious, he found Sarah leaning against the counter. She was holding a cup of tea, watching him with a soft but attentive look.
— Do you have a minute? — she asked, her voice calm.
Chuck hesitated. From the look on her face, he knew this wasn't about a mission.
— Sure… Did something happen?
She took a deep breath, as if carefully choosing her words.
— I saw some things today… about your searches.
His face turned red instantly. He opened his mouth to deny it but knew it was pointless. Instead, he just let out a groan.
— Casey showed you, didn't he?
— Yeah. — She set her cup down and took a step toward him. — But I'm not here to judge you. I just wanted to say that… if you want to talk about it, I'm here. I mean it.
Chuck looked at her, unsure.
— This is kinda embarrassing, Sarah…
— I know. But it doesn't have to be. You've been dealing with a lot of changes, Chuck. And a lot of interference in your personal life… it's normal to have doubts.
He averted his gaze, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
Sarah gave him a small, reassuring smile and lightly touched his arm.
— Too much pressure can make things harder. But you don't have to go through this alone. It's just research, Chuck. Nothing more.
He looked at her with a mix of doubt and resignation.
— You have no idea how humiliating this is for me.
Sarah smiled softly and ran a hand through his hair, a gentler gesture than usual.
— Actually, I do.
But she didn't tell him. She didn't mention the anonymous forum posts he had made, or the medical websites he'd visited.
Because, somehow, this made Sarah realize that despite all the pretense, Chuck wasn't thinking of her as just part of his cover.
And maybe… she wasn't either.
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Sarah took him to her apartment, a space she rarely shared with him outside of missions. Chuck, still a little embarrassed, sat at the edge of the bed while she grabbed two beers from the fridge and settled next to him.
— So… — Sarah began, turning the bottle in her hands. — Do you miss it?
Chuck's eyes widened, and he coughed.
— Uh… miss what exactly?
She rolled her eyes with a small smirk.
— You know what I mean, Chuck. Relationships.
He glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck.
— I… — He sighed. — It's not like I think about it all the time, but… yeah. I guess I do.
Sarah nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving his.
— And when was the last time?
Chuck grimaced, as if the mere act of remembering was painful.
— About five years ago.
Sarah blinked.
— Five?
He shrugged, a sheepish smile on his lips.
— More or less. Maybe five years and a few months… — Chuck knew it was closer to six, but he didn't want to sound that pathetic.
Sarah raised an eyebrow.
— You actually kept track?
— Well… not exactly. But when you go that long without… — He waved a hand vaguely, clearly flustered. — You kind of have an idea.
Sarah was quiet for a moment, studying him.
— And that's why you were researching?
Chuck let out a short laugh, still uncomfortable.
— Casey showed you my history, huh?
— He showed me more than that.
Chuck groaned and covered his face with both hands.
— Great. Now you know I'm just some awkward guy who needs to Google how to do things that are supposed to be instinctive.
Sarah smiled slightly and gently pulled his hands away from his face.
— I think… — She hesitated for a second. — I think you're being way too hard on yourself.
Chuck raised an eyebrow at her, curious.
— Oh yeah?
Sarah gave a small smile and leaned back against the couch, relaxing a little.
— You have no idea how many guys mess things up because they think they know everything. Most don't even bother to ask, let alone research. So… — She tilted her head slightly. — That's… kind of thoughtful. Sweet.
Chuck blinked a few times.
— Sweet? That doesn't sound very manly.
Sarah laughed and took a sip of her beer.
— Maybe not. But trust me, some girls appreciate it.
Chuck smiled.
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Sarah leaned in a little closer to Chuck, her eyes shining with a curiosity that felt more personal than professional.
— And what exactly do you miss? In a relationship.
Chuck swallowed hard. She was close. Too close.
— I… — He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding her gaze. — I mean…
— The contact? The warmth? The way someone touches you? Or is it just, you know… the act itself?
Chuck looked at her, feeling his face heat up. Sarah's expression remained serene, but there was something there—an intensity he couldn't quite decipher.
— Uh… a little bit of all of the above? — He let out a nervous laugh, trying to break the tension.
Sarah smirked and moved even closer, now just inches from him.
— Do you miss being touched, Chuck?
The air between them grew heavy. He could feel her breath, warm, contrasting with the coolness of the apartment. Sarah didn't blink, her eyes locked onto his.
— I think so. — He spoke softly, unable to look away.
Sarah slowly lifted her hand and touched his face, her fingers trailing gently along his jawline. Chuck held his breath, feeling the warmth of her touch.
— And this? — she whispered.
He exhaled shakily, trying not to let it show how much it affected him.
— This is… nice.
Sarah let her fingers glide down his neck, watching his reaction. A shiver ran down Chuck's spine.
— And this?
He closed his eyes for a second, letting the sensation sink in.
— Definitely nice.
Sarah leaned in even more, her nose almost touching his. Chuck could smell her perfume, feel the way her hair brushed against his skin.
— And what if I kept going? — she murmured.
Chuck opened his eyes, now filled with a mix of nerves and something deeper. He realized his hands were clenched on his knees, trying to keep himself in check.
— Sarah… — His voice came out hoarse.
She tilted her head slightly, as if waiting for him to finish his thought. But he couldn't. Not there, not with her so close, their bodies nearly touching.
The tension was palpable. Neither of them moved away. Chuck knew it would only take the smallest motion and…
— Are you tense, Sarah? — he asked, almost without thinking.
She blinked, her expression faltering for just a second.
— What?
— Your heart… it's beating fast. I can see it in your jugular.
Chuck swallowed. He wasn't exactly sure what was happening. But he knew he didn't want her to stop.
Sarah watched Chuck as he spoke. He was visibly nervous, his brown eyes shining with something undefinable—desire, insecurity, maybe even relief at finally being able to talk about this with someone he trusted.
She wasn't sure when, exactly, she had gotten so close, but she could feel his warmth against her skin, the faint scent of his soap and the cologne he always wore. She swallowed, realizing she was staring at his mouth.
— Five years is a long time, Chuck — she said softly.
He let out a humorless laugh.
— Yeah, I know. But honestly, I don't even know how to… you know.
Sarah tilted her head, studying him. She felt something tighten in her chest, a mix of tenderness and… something else she didn't want to name.
Chuck had always been so careful with her, so respectful. Even in the most awkward moments of their cover, he had never crossed a line, never pushed for more than what was needed. And now, seeing him like this—vulnerable, admitting his insecurities without hiding behind jokes—it did something to her.
— I don't think you've forgotten — she said, her voice softer than she intended.
Chuck's eyes met hers, surprised.
— What?
She didn't answer. Instead, she lifted a hand to the back of his neck, feeling the soft hair between her fingers. His body tensed for a moment before he relaxed into her touch, as if he had been waiting for this for a long time.
The silence between them grew thick, electric. Sarah felt her heart pounding against her ribs, and she realized she wasn't thinking anymore—only feeling.
And then, before she could second-guess herself, she kissed him.
Chuck froze for a second, then responded, his hands hesitantly finding her waist. The kiss started off slow, uncertain, then deepened, as if the barrier between them had finally broken.
Sarah felt Chuck's hands slide up her back, his touch sending shivers through her skin. He gently lowered her onto the bed, his body hovering over hers but not pressing down—he was still being careful, still trying to do everything right.
She smiled against his lips and whispered:
— You think too much, Chuck.
He let out a breathy laugh, looking at her with a mix of admiration and desire.
— I just want this to be good for you.
Sarah felt her chest tighten again, but this time in a different way. She cupped his face in her hands and murmured:
— Then stop thinking and kiss me.
Chuck obeyed.
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Chuck's breath was heavy against Sarah's skin. The room remained silent, except for the sound of them, the soft rustling of sheets moving beneath their bodies.
Sarah wasn't sure when things had escalated this far, but at that moment, nothing felt more right.
Chuck was careful. He watched every expression of hers, attuned to any sign of hesitation, as if every moment mattered more than anything else. Sarah realized that, despite all the inexperience he claimed to have, he made up for it with kindness and patience.
She guided him, reassured him, murmuring against his skin whenever she felt his tension rise. Sometimes, Chuck let out a quiet, embarrassed laugh, and Sarah smiled, running her fingers through his hair.
The heat between them grew, but there was no rush. Chuck gave himself to her completely, holding Sarah as if she were the best thing that had ever happened to him. There was something deep in the way he looked at her, as if trying to etch every detail into his memory.
When it was over, Sarah realized he was trembling slightly.
— Are you okay? — she whispered, touching his face.
Chuck let out a small, shaky laugh.
— I just… I can't believe this actually happened.
— It's okay — she repeated, pulling him closer.
And it was.
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In the quiet that followed, Chuck remained still, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Sarah rested beside him, her head on his shoulder, her breathing soft and steady.
And then, it hit him.
Heat rose to his face like an uncontrollable wave. His mind started racing at full speed, replaying every detail of the last hour.
He squeezed his eyes shut.
"Oh my God. I just had sex with Sarah Walker."
Sarah noticed his silence and shifted slightly, lifting her head to look at him.
— Chuck?
He cleared his throat, trying to sound casual.
— Yeah?
— Are you okay?
— I… — Chuck pressed his lips together, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. He felt that if he looked directly at her, his head might explode. — Yeah. Just… thinking.
Sarah raised an eyebrow.
— Thinking about what?
He ran a hand over his face, mumbling something unintelligible.
Sarah propped herself up on her elbow, watching him closely.
— Chuck, you're blushing.
— I know! — he groaned, covering his face with his hands.
Sarah couldn't hold back a smile.
— Are you embarrassed?
— No! — he replied way too fast. Then sighed. — Okay, maybe a little.
Sarah bit her lip, trying not to laugh.
— Why?
— Because… — Chuck hesitated, finally turning to face her. — I just… This was… — He gestured vaguely with his hands. — This was really important to me.
Sarah smiled.
— It was important to me too — she said softly.
Chuck studied her face, as if trying to gauge the sincerity in her words.
— Really?
She nodded.
— Yes.
He smiled, relaxing a little.
Sarah took the opportunity to lean in closer, brushing her nose against his.
— Then there's no reason to be embarrassed.
Chuck sighed.
— Easy for you to say. You're… you. I'm just…
— Chuck.
— Yeah. Exactly.
Sarah smiled, her fingers tracing lightly over his chest.
— And I like Chuck.
His smile grew a little bigger, and the embarrassment began to fade. His heart was still racing, but now, it wasn't just nerves. It was something else. Something warm, something comforting.
Chuck was just starting to settle in when Sarah got up unceremoniously, grabbing a random piece of clothing to put on. He wasn't looking directly at her, but he realized—too late—that he had a full view.
He froze.
His first instinct was to keep looking—not out of disrespect, but because it was impossible not to feel mesmerized. But as soon as his mind registered what was happening, he turned his head away so fast he almost felt his neck snap.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
He heard Sarah moving around, adjusting her clothes, and tried to think of literally anything else. Anything. Binary. Math. The ending of Star Wars. The cooling system of a PC.
Nothing helped.
Sarah, completely unfazed, glanced at him before heading to the bathroom. She noticed.
— Chuck… did you look away?
He coughed, uncomfortable.
— I don't know what you're talking about.
Sarah crossed her arms.
— After all that, you're still worrying about this?
— I… I just… — He gestured vaguely. — I respect you.
She gave him a curious smile.
— I know you do. But you don't have to act like it's a crime to look at me.
Chuck squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead.
— I just… it's instinct, you know? I don't want to seem like… like a creep.
Sarah chuckled softly and leaned down, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead.
— You're the only guy I know who could do what we just did and still be worried about being respectful afterward.
Chuck let out a nervous laugh.
— Is that a compliment?
— It is.
Sarah winked at him before heading into the bathroom.
Chuck exhaled deeply and buried his face in the pillow.
Oh my God.
Sarah returned from the bathroom to find Chuck lying on his side, watching her with an expression that was equal parts affectionate and nervous. He didn't look entirely relaxed, and Sarah realized he was trying to put something into words.
She lay down beside him, pulling the sheet up over her shoulders and resting her head on her hand.
— What is it? — she asked softly.
Chuck hesitated for a moment, looking away before meeting her gaze again.
— I just… wanted to know how it was for you.
Sarah raised an eyebrow.
— You want a report?
He smiled, sheepish.
— I just want to have an idea, you know? It's been five years. I didn't want to be… weird or awkward.
She studied his face, the way his eyes were sincere and anxious, like he genuinely wanted an honest answer.
— Chuck, you were very sweet.
He waited for a moment, as if expecting more.
— But…?
Sarah smiled.
— There's no 'but.' You're thoughtful. You care about me. That's more important than anything else.
Chuck let out a breath, but he still seemed uncertain.
— Did you… like it?
She chuckled softly.
— Yes, Chuck. I liked it.
He relaxed a bit, but Sarah could tell he still had something on his mind.
— Did I do anything… weird? Anything that felt, I don't know, awkward or clumsy?
Sarah bit her lip, remembering the small moments of hesitation, the nervous way he touched her at first, as if checking if he was doing it right. But she also remembered the way he looked at her, the gentleness in every movement.
— You were a little nervous at first.
He groaned, covering his face with his hand.
— Sorry. — he murmured.
— But, honestly? — She moved his hand away so he would look at her. — It just made everything feel more... real.
Chuck blinked a few times.
— You didn't try to impress me or act like you knew everything. You were just... you.
He was silent for a moment, absorbing that.
— So, I wasn't... a total disaster?
Sarah laughed and leaned in to kiss him softly.
— No, Chuck. You were great.
He smiled, finally looking convinced.
— That's good to know.
Sarah pulled him closer, and he relaxed against her. He didn't need to ask again.
The silence between them settled comfortably, only their soft breathing filling the space of the room. Chuck was still nestled against Sarah, his head resting on the pillow beside hers, his fingers tracing slow, absentminded patterns on the sheet.
Sarah felt the warmth of his body, but more than that, the vulnerability he rarely let show. He was processing everything. And she knew that when Chuck thought too much, a question always followed.
And it did.
— Can I... — He hesitated, and Sarah felt the weight of the moment before he even finished. — Can we do that again?
It was such a timid whisper, so full of uncertainty and hope, that Sarah felt her heart sink.
Chuck wasn't just asking for the physical act. It wasn't an impulse or a fleeting need. He was asking for more. For what they had just shared. For the connection.
She blinked a few times, surprised by the sudden wave of emotion, and had to swallow before answering.
— Chuck...
His eyes widened, already looking ready to retreat.
— I'm sorry, I didn't mean to— I mean, I don't want you to feel pressured or…
Sarah silenced him with a kiss.
— Yes.
His eyes searched hers, still unsure. — Yes?
She smiled, her heart tightening with tenderness.
— Yes, Chuck.
The relief in his eyes was immediate, but what truly made her throat tighten was the way he smiled. That shy, genuine smile of someone who hadn't expected to hear that but wanted it more than anything.
She touched his face, and Chuck closed his eyes for a second, melting into the gesture.
— So... can I kiss you again? — he asked quietly.
Sarah couldn't hold back a laugh.
— I think that's already included.
It was almost midnight. The room was bathed in soft shadows, only the faint city lights filtering through the curtains.
This time, there was no hesitation. No nervousness, no uncertainty. Just a mutual desire, a connection that felt natural, inevitable.
Chuck was attentive, careful, and Sarah realized his concern wasn't just about his own pleasure but hers. He studied every reaction, responded to every touch, every sigh, every shiver with a dedication that made her tremble.
And when it happened, it was different.
It was deep.
Intense.
Unexpectedly overwhelming.
Sarah felt her body weaken under the crashing wave of pleasure, her fingers gripping the sheets, her breath ragged. Her legs trembled, and for a moment, she wondered if she'd ever be able to move again.
Chuck noticed. He propped himself up on his elbows, his face hovering above hers, his eyes shining with a mix of surprise and awe.
— Are you okay?
Sarah was still catching her breath when she saw that goofy smile spreading across his face.
— Everything is perfect, Chuck. She laughed, still breathless, and tried to push him away with a weak shove to his chest. — But don't get cocky.
Chuck lay beside her, watching as she tried to steady her breathing. He moved closer, pulling her into a lazy embrace, and Sarah curled up against him without hesitation.
After a while, he broke the silence.
— So... was it good?
Sarah turned her head to look at him, her eyes shining, a smile forming almost on its own.
— Chuck.
He raised his eyebrows, waiting.
She took a deep breath and whispered:
— It was really good.
He laughed, hugging her tighter. — I'm never going to forget this night.
Sarah closed her eyes, letting herself sink into his warmth. — Me neither.
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— Chuck seems a little different today... did you talk to him? — Casey asked, narrowing his eyes.
Sarah shrugged, keeping her expression neutral.
— Something like that.