CHAPTER 40

CONTROLLING THE UNCONTROLLABLE

It ended up being a house warming party, after all. Sonny grilled burgers, Davis brought bread and other things from the market, Trent and Clay had already bought beer, tequila, and diet coke and rum for Dianna, so by that same night, Dianna had her fridge full, her curtains and TV installed, her sofa at the right place, shelves on the kitchen wall, which had glasses and décor on them, because Davis helped Dianna with that. Later that night, Naima and Stella showed up too, and they all took pictures and enjoyed her patio, backyard and living room. Jason and Ray calculated if there was enough space for a pergola, and Davis concluded that she could install a fire pit in the grass, but a small one. Dianna had a full house, in a matter of hours, and she made a very thankful speech to Bravo family, and everyone had tears in their eyes, of course some of them were a bit drunk at that moment, but still. It was amazing.

"I'll get a dishwasher, don't worry" Dianna told Jason, when he was piling up the plates to wash them. She had detergent in one of her boxes, but was too tired to do that now.

"Yes, but until you do, the plates can't stay here" he joked, coming closer to her, sitting on the sofa.

"I'll buy it tomorrow. With the money I saved with the moving company" she chuckled.

Jason smiled, cocky. "Ok, then I'll install it for ya. You can thank me later, hum" he leaned on her, kissing her slowly. He couldn't wait for her to thank him. They were finally alone, and the sofa was really comfortable and soft. And big. Perfect for what Jason had in mind.

Dianna wanted to take advantage of Jason's great mood and how relaxed he was. He only drank a few beers, and she also didn't drink too much, so she thought it would be a good time to tell him about what she found out that morning.

"Jason" she called him when he had his face on her neck and his hand on her breast, under her sweater. He just hummed.

"I have good news, come on, we can do this in a minute" she told him, excited, and he finally distanced from her and got excited too.

"What is it?"

"I wanted to tell you earlier but I couldn't. I went to see Mr. Eller this morning" she said, smiling. "And I talked to him, and he-"

"You did what?" Jason's smile vanished in a second, when he registered her words, and he almost yelled at her. That was not the reaction that she expected.

Dianna knew he might feel annoyed for her going there, but not to that point. So she tried to apologize in advance.

"I'm sorry, after you told me last night what happened, I felt terrible, so I thought-"

"You thought what? That I needed a solution to my problem?" he stood up, furious. So much that his voice echoed through the semi-furnished house. "I was venting, Dianna, not asking you to talk to him behind my back".

"I know I should've talked to you about it first, but I knew you wouldn't want to go there, so I just tried to help you", she quickly said, standing up.

"You tried to help me, huh?" he said, with a dangerous voice and gesticulating.

"Yes, I did. I really think it'd be good for you, especially when I tell you what I-"

"Dear God, would you listen to yourself?" he raised his voice again, "You're just like her" he whispered, livid. "Trying to control me. Meddling".

"Excuse me?" Dianna now was livid with the comparison. "Are you seriously saying I'm like her?" she still couldn't believe that he was saying that to her. "I never wanted to control you, ever", she said, annoyed.

"Oh, didn't you? So you just what, showed up at my therapist's office and did what, huh?" he challenged her.

Dianna sighed, trying to remain calm. "I talked to him, and after some pressure, he admitted that Natalie was at his office, and had access to appointments of a couple of sessions that you had with him" she said, slowly and clearly, and Jason was staring blankly. So she continued, "She got the notes one day when he left her alone in his office, he noticed that only after a week. He calculated the weeks and said she got the notes from your third and fourth sessions with him. I made him look through all your notes". She finished, and Jason was still staring blankly ahead. He blinked.

"He swore that he never told her anything about your sessions, but admitted he pushed you to be with her. And if you want to know what the sessions were about, you can go to his office and talk to him, he'll help you remember". Dianna said it all calmly and reasonably, and she looked at Jason, and now he was looking down, with his hands on his hips. Then he walked around, looking down. Obviously he had an idea about what the sessions were about.

"What did he tell you about the sessions?" Jason suddenly asked, murmuring.

She looked confused. "Nothing. I never asked him to. He just said that on the next session, when he realized he was missing your previous appointments, you were annoyed and he told you something like to just move on, and forget about it, whatever it was".

Jason snorted. "Yes. He sure did. That son of a bitch". He smiled, sarcastically.

Dianna smiled, relieved because she didn't see his sarcasm, and came closer. "See? Isn't it good that you know exactly what she knows about you, now?" she asked, smiling, but he looked up, stern.

"No, it's not Dianna. It's not just about me that I talk during my sessions. And I really can't believe you'd do something so serious behind my back".

Dianna was caught off guard because he was still angry at her. "I'm sorry, I really am. But you have to admit that at least now you know what she knows, right?"

"Are you seriously not thinking that what you did was wrong?" he came closer to her, gesturing and pointing at the floor. "You squeezed information out of my therapist, Dianna, probably in some dangerous and inconsequential way, and while I was asleep, for fuck sake" he raised his voice again, and Dianna kept quiet. She never saw him like that, not even when they fought in Mongolia.

"Then you came back and spent the entire day with me, not saying a word" he was furious, "and you're suddenly acting all appreciative. Grateful. Vulnerable. Even fucking with me, so eager. But not having a minute to just mention that, huh?"

They both had tears in their eyes, but Jason hadn't finished. "I told about my therapist last night. Around 2AM. You went to interrogate him at what time, huh? 10AM? Did you, for once, actually thought about asking for my opinion? Or thinking that maybe talking to him was something that I wanted, or had to do? To feel better? And that, for you, isn't acting like a control freak?"

He walked to the front door, while Dianna didn't move, and just stared, feeling awful. He turned right before opening the front door.

"Maybe you shouldn't criticize Natalie so much. After all, both of you have one or two things in common".

And he slammed the door.

Jason was so furious about what Dianna did that he couldn't even go back to his apartment. He roamed around with his truck until he was almost out of gas, then he parked at the gas station and bought a lot of beer. Only then he went back to his place, that reminded him of the two last women of his life. Two controlling women, apparently. The box with Natalie's stuff, and the bed and sheets where he just fucked Dianna.

He sat on the sofa, staring at nowhere, and drank. He didn't know for sure about what his sessions with Mr. Eller were exactly about, but he remembered perfectly that around the first month he told his therapist about his kids, what they liked, how was their relationship with Alana, and of course that Natalie coincidentally acted a lot like Alana, supportive and understanding when she met his kids, with a lot of tastes in common, and they all fell for it.

Jason also remembered when he told his therapist about Dianna, and he first told him to let out his anger and shit, and find someone that supported him, someone like Natalie, he almost said, and then on the next session, probably his fifth session then, the therapist was all awkward and insisted to Jason 'forget about' Dianna, let go of her.

He took another sip of his beer. There was something more he remembered about those first sessions. That when he talked about Dianna, he admitted that he was angry at her but missed her, and admitted how much he loved to protect her, and since he thought Dianna had played with him, all he wanted was a woman who would support him, and that showed how she truly was. And he said he felt unappreciated by Dianna, at that time, and by the Navy, and even by his teammates sometimes, so he'd love to find someone who showed gratitude once in a while. Natalie did all those things, very well, and he was relieved that he didn't fall in love with her.

But now Jason thought that maybe it wasn't just a coincidence that Dianna was so grateful, and showing her vulnerability so much, that day. And so passionate. She was being too perfect to be true. His therapist must have opened his big mouth again, because she easily could squeeze that information out of him.

Dianna was starting to hate how she kept crying all the time in front of Jason, and even Davis. She seemed to be always teary and vulnerable, and it was annoying her. Before Bravo, she was always a friendly person but reserved, and she didn't remember a single time when she cried in front of her colleagues, or in front of a guy, to be honest. Apparently, when she started to work with Bravo Team she received some type of mission to cry all the tears she held her entire life. She cried at The Bulkhead in front of the team, in Belgrade when she was saying goodbye to them, that same night in front of the team again, and in front of Jason a thousand times, even when she was telling him she forgave him, she cried.

But now, she knew it was very understandable if she cried, a lot. Because not only she deeply hurt Jason, he also hurt her back with his words. But it was all her fault.