Author's Note: TW: References to self-harm, thoughts of self-harm, references to past trauma.
Hi, friends! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I know there was a long wait, and there's a good reason why. My uncle passed away and I had to help my family through the final stages of his life and then I had to help plan the funeral. His funeral was yesterday and now I'm beginning to heal and I'll have more time on my hands.
I can't thank you enough for your patience. I love you all so much. Please remember that you make this world brighter and better by existing. I'm glad you're here. You are loved.
Previous Chapter Summary: Harry wakes up and talks to Remus and Sirius. Sirius takes Harry flying. Harry encounters a trigger and has an Occlumency lesson and Snape finds out. Draco talks to Harry about the razor.
Chapter Summary: Harry talks to Remus about what happened, Remus and Sirius talk about bringing a friend to see Harry, and Harry brews with Draco and lets some things slip.
Guest Reviews:
Urgwaew: Hi, friend! It's so good to hear from you! Boundaries are certainly important to have and challenging to set. We love Remus for it! I love that you enjoyed the baby bird scene! I thought it was funny so I'm so glad that you liked it! YES a safety net is such a good word for it. I completely agree. And you liking what I said about costumes? You are a GEM! Thank you so much, dear friend! I appreciate you and your reviews!
Harry knew he had to talk to Remus about what happened and while he was dreading it at first, he had accepted it by the time Draco walked Harry to Remus' office.
Draco knocked on the door and Remus answered, prompting Draco to open the door and gently push Harry in.
"Harry, are you alright?" Remus asked, seeing his son's eyes red from crying.
"I'm doing better now." Harry looked back at Draco who nodded at him encouragingly. "C-can I talk to you?"
"Of course, Love. Come sit," Remus said, standing up from behind his desk and leading Harry to the couch.
"I'm going to go now. I'll talk to you later, Harry, okay?" Draco said.
"Okay. Bye, mate," Harry said quietly.
Draco gave Remus a kind smile before softly shutting the door behind him.
"What happened, Harry?" Remus asked, concern evident in his voice, as he made himself comfortable in the armchair.
"I flew with Dadfoot before my Occlumency lesson; you know that."
Remus nodded, following Harry so far.
"I decided I would shower in the locker rooms as that was closer to the dungeons and it would save me time."
Remus nodded again.
"I was showering when I saw a razor in the shower."
Remus kept his face neutral and nodded, listening.
"I was triggered. I didn't do anything, really. I sat on the floor and took deep breaths and did some other coping mechanisms you taught me."
Remus gave Harry a proud smile.
"I eventually got up and went to my Occlumency lesson. I did pretty well in it until Draco came in. The door was really loud. And, uh-" Harry took a deep breath. "It reminded me of Vernon."
Remus nodded sympathetically, his heart breaking once again for his son,
"That's when Snape got in my mind. I was still thinking about the razor and what I wanted to do and he pulled out. Then he made me tell him what happened. He also went with me and vanished the razor."
Remus was happy to hear this and was thankful Severus did that.
"Then I sat down and Draco joined me and then I came here," Harry finished up quickly.
"I'm so proud of you for telling me what happened and being brave and coming here," Remus praised.
Harry shrugged.
"It's not easy," Remus said knowingly.
"No, it's not," Harry agreed.
"How are you feeling right now?"
"I dunno," Harry shrugged.
Remus sat back and allowed Harry to think about his answer.
After a moment Harry said, "Defeated. That's what I told Draco. I feel embarrassed, too."
"Your feelings are valid," Remus affirmed to Harry.
"I just feel so weak by it!" Harry exclaimed, frustrated.
"You are most certainly not weak, even if you feel that way. You are one of the strongest people I know, if not the strongest."
"I don't feel that way."
"Harry," Remus said warmly, leaning forward in his chair. "You are fighting to be here, yes?"
Harry nodded.
"And fighting to stay clean?"
Harry nodded again.
"That takes so much effort and strength. I know it and so does every single other person in the castle right now."
"But it is so frustrating! Why, Moony Da!? Why is it that I get triggered all the time? It's always on my mind. I can't go a day without thinking about it!"
Harry was in tears.
"I just think about it all the time and I am so tired of fighting it."
Harry sniffed, looking down before clenching his fists.
Remus nodded. "I hear you. I know what it's like. It is not easy. I wish I could make the thoughts go away, but I can't. I can work with you on them and promise to be there for you. I am so sorry it is there."
Remus made some mental notes of what Harry was saying and planned to come back to them in another session, but he knew there was a topic he needed to address first.
"Harry, do you want to hurt yourself right now?"
Harry squirmed in his seat. It didn't matter how many times he was asked that question- he didn't like to hear it.
Remus leaned forward. "Harry, there's no wrong answer," he reminded him. "I just want to know if you still want to hurt yourself?"
Harry nodded as he looked at the floor.
Remus nodded and said, "That's okay."
It was quiet until Harry started to cry. "It's all the time, Moony Da. I can't escape the thought. Why? Why can't I get rid of it?"
"Oh, Cub," Remus said, walking over to Harry. He sat next to him but didn't initiate contact in case Harry didn't want it.
"Why can't it just go away? I have to fight the thought all the time. It's exhausting."
Remus hummed. "I understand."
"When will it go away, Moony Da?" Harry looked up with his tear-stained face.
"It's different for everyone," Remus answered honestly. "It's a process and it takes time. I so wish I could tell you that they'll go away tomorrow. I do know that no matter how long it takes that you should keep fighting and that you have people who love and support you and are here to help."
"I don't want to!" Harry yelled, becoming angry. He stood up and began to pace in Remus' office. "I'm so sick and tired of it! I just want to do it!"
Remus has been where Harry's at. He knows exactly how he's feeling and he can practically feel Harry's anguish and exhaustion.
"I know," Remus affirmed compassionately.
"It's like, why even bother?!" Harry added, still pacing and shouting.
"I know," Remus repeated, nodding.
Harry felt himself curl his fists until they hurt and he couldn't do it anymore, before sinking to the ground. He pulled his knees up to his chest and put his head in his knees, crying.
Remus got up and sat next to Harry. He once again didn't touch him, wanting to respect him.
"You're not alone. It's exhausting and challenging and takes a lot of effort. I hear you, Cub. You are allowed to have all of these feelings. You're doing great."
Harry picked his head up upon hearing the warmth in Remus' voice. He leaned his head on Remus and was quiet for several minutes before saying, "Sorry. I don't know why it all came out."
"You don't have to and shouldn't apologize," Remus chastised gently. "You are allowed to have all of those thoughts and feelings. You should share them. This is a safe place and I am a safe person. I am here for you. I love to help you, Harry. I love you."
It was quiet for a while again. Remus gave Harry his time and ran a hand through Harry's hair.
"Do you still have the thoughts?" Harry asked.
"Yes," Remus told him honestly.
Harry brought his head up to look at Remus, not expecting that. "Really?"
Remus nodded. "I do. It's less of an appealing thought than it used to be. It's now an annoyance. It's an intrusive thought that I don't give much thought to." Remus chuckled at his wording.
Harry thought about it. "So you don't have the urge to do it?"
Remus shook his head. "No. Most days I don't. Of course, there are a few days where I do, but I use my coping skills and get through it. It's never easy, but always worth it."
Harry sighed. "Listen, I believe you, I do, but it just doesn't seem like it will," Harry admitted.
"I know," Remus replied. "It's hard. As I said, you are not alone in this. We are here to help. What can we do right now?"
"I don't know," Harry admitted.
"Well, one helpful thing I do when I feel like I want to hurt myself or do something really big is HALT."
"Ohkayy.." Harry said. Remus stops, no big deal.
Remus chuckled. "It's an anagram. I stop and think to myself, 'am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired?' This helps me know my needs. I can fix all of those. If I can't pinpoint if it is one of those, or if it is something else, I get help. You should always get help when you feel like this, but this is a good place to start."
Harry liked that: HALT.
"I feel embarrassed. And triggered. I'm also tired," Harry said.
Remus nodded. "Would you like to take a rest?"
"Yeah. But, uh," Harry paused and took a deep breath, gathering courage. "CanyoustaywithmeuntilIfallasleep?"
"A bit slower, Cub," Remus said, giving him an encouraging smile.
"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"
"Of course. I'd love to," Remus assured him, giving his arm a comforting squeeze. "Would you like to rest here or at the Marauder Quarters?"
"Marauder Quarters please," Harry requested.
"Would you like to go now?" Remus asked.
Harry nodded.
"Let's go, Love," Remus said, standing up and then helping Harry up.
Remus went with Harry to his bedroom in the Marauder Quarters and stayed with him as he fell asleep. When he did fall asleep, Remus lingered for a bit before slipping out to the sitting room, where Sirius was sprawled out on the couch, lesson plans long forgotten.
"Moony, what is going on?" Sirius asked, sitting up and grabbing tea to sip.
Remus sighed and sat next to Sirius on the couch. He held his head in his hands and rubbed his face. "Sirius, Harry's hurting so much."
Any playfulness Sirius had disappeared. He set down his tea and turned to his husband. "What happened?"
"There was a trigger. Harry's got to tell you when he feels comfortable. He's safe right now because he's sleeping. I placed a charm on his room to alert us when he wakes up."
"Damn it, Moony. The boy can't catch a break," Sirius said, standing up and pacing.
"He's got a lot of people to love and support him through it," Remus reminded Sirius.
"Yeah, but you know just as well as I do that it doesn't make those thoughts any less painful."
Remus nodded. "You're right."
"We've got to do something, though," Sirius said, sighing before sitting down again.
"I've got some ideas," Remus admitted.
Sirius looked at Remus for a moment before saying, "Okay, who are we bringing here?"
"I think it's time Neville came for a visit," Remus smiled
"It has been a while and he is a great kid. You've got some tricks up your sleeve, don't you?"
"Who needs tricks up your sleeve when you have real magic?" Remus winked.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "C'mere, you prat," he said as he leaned in to kiss his husband.
When Harry woke up, he took stock of how he was feeling. The urge to hurt himself had diminished but hadn't fully gone away. He debated staying in the bedroom but he knew he had to face Remus and Sirius. Harry sighed and rolled out of bed and padded to the sitting room.
"Pup!" Sirius said as he saw Harry, his face lighting up.
"Hi, Dadfoot," Harry said softly with a small smile. He grabbed a blanket from his bed and was glad he had it as he pulled it tighter around himself protectively.
"How are you feeling, Harry?" Remus asked warmly as he turned around in the armchair to look at his son.
"I'm okay. It's not as bad as it was," Harry admitted, looking away as he blushed. "I'm just feeling kinda out of it and tired."
Remus nodded. "You went through a lot. Would you like some lunch? That should give you some energy."
"Okay," Harry agreed. He followed Remus to the kitchen where Remus had the elves whip up a sandwich for him.
Harry was able to eat his whole sandwich, much to the delight of Remus and Sirius.
The three of them had a mellow rest of their day and Harry rarely left the sight of Remus and/or Sirius, but he was okay with that. He didn't have any energy to fight it and he also liked being looked after today. It made him feel safe and that was a strong emotion he could cling to.
After dinner as bedtime was looming, Remus brought something up.
"Harry?" Remus asked lightly.
"Yeah?" Harry asked, lifting his head up from his book.
"We're bringing a friend here tomorrow if you're okay with it. Would you like it to be a surprise or would you like to talk about it?"
"I-I'd like to talk about it if that's okay," Harry stuttered nervously.
"Of course," Remus assured him warmly. He leaned forward in his chair and gave Harry an encouraging smile. "You in control, Harry. If you're not okay with anything, all you have to do is say the word. We aren't forcing you to do anything."
Harry nodded, feeling a bit better.
"We've talked about bringing Neville here tomorrow. How do you feel about that?" Remus asked.
"Neville? Oh," Harry said, sitting up. For whatever reason, he wasn't expecting that. "Of course. He's great."
"" He'd be here for a few days. Is that alright?" Sirius asked.
"Of course. Besides being with me, what would he be doing here?" Harry questioned.
"You won't have to be with him the whole time. He wants to get some of his summer homework done and take a break from his gran."
Harry nodded, knowing how overbearing his grandmother can be.
"He's also going to meet with Professor Sprout at some points," Remus said.
"It sounds good. What time is he coming?" Harry asked.
"Probably in the afternoon. We are going to talk to them tomorrow morning during tea," Sirius explained.
"Okay, cool. Can I see Draco while you're gone?"
"I don't see why not," Remus said, smiling. He was glad to see Harry wasn't slipping into a deeper depression and had something to look forward to.
"Awesome. Thanks, Moony Da. Thanks, Dadfoot," Harry said, smiling.
The boys continued to do their own things until bedtime when Remus helped Harry close his mind before bed and kissed him goodnight.
The next day when Sirius and Remus made their way to the Longbottom's, Harry did find Draco brewing.
"Hey, Draco," Harry said, walking into the lab.
"Harry!" Draco said happily. He wiped his hands on a rag he had near him and turned to look at his friend. "I'm glad you're here! How're you doing?" Draco asked, trying to hide his worry. The last time he saw Harry, the boy was triggered and wanted to hurt himself.
"I'm doing better. Moony Da helped me through and we had a mellow rest of the day. Thanks for everything," Harry said, blushing.
"O' course! You're my friend!"
Harry smiled before walking over to Draco and said, "Now, what are you brewing?"
"Pain relieving potion since someone used part of her stock," Draco teased Harry.
"Prat," Harry said, lightly nudging the blonde boy. "What can I do to help?"
"Cut these up," Draco said, handing over some ingredients to him.
"Yes, Sir!" Harry saluted.
Now it was Draco's turn to mutter. "Prat."
The boys worked in silence until the potion needed to simmer for 5 minutes.
"What's Snape doing today?" Harry asked.
"Brewing. Planning torture for the fall," Draco joked.
"Yeah, that's likely," Harry agreed.
"What about your dads?"
"They went to have tea with the Longbottoms. I think Neville's going to come for a few days. I'm excited."
"He's a good bloke, isn't he?" Draco questioned.
"Yeah, he is. He's a good friend and really loyal. I think you should give him a chance," Harry said.
"I should probably apologize for first year," Draco said, running a hand over the back of his neck.
"Yeah, you should," Harry said honestly. "Neville's stood up for you, too, over this past year. He's seen how you're my friend and look out for me."
"Yeah, I've even heard him. We'll all have to do something together. I'm not sure what though. He'd probably blow up a potion."
"Draco," Harry said warningly.
"Sorry," Draco said, wincing at the reprimand.
"He's actually not that bad at potions. He just doesn't do well with Snape breathing down his back."
"I can understand that," Draco admitted.
"He tons a ton about Herbology. He could probably tell you about some healing properties from certain plants," Harry said.
Draco's eyes lit up. "That'd be great! Anything I can do to learn would be great! Madame Pomfrey even said that if I keep up at the rate I'm going I might be able to test out of a year!"
"That's awesome, Draco," Harry replied, happy for his friend.
"What about you? Any apprenticeships on your mind?" Draco asked casually.
Harry's eyes darkened over. "I don't really want to talk about that."
"What's wrong?" Draco asked.
Harry shook his head. "Draco, I really don't want to talk about it. Let's not go there."
"I'll drop it but just tell me. Does Professor Lupin know whatever it is?"
"Yes, he does. We've talked about it. Can we drop it now?"
Draco held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. When is Longbottom joining us?"
"Neville," Harry amended, "is joining us this afternoon. When we finish this potion I'm going to go back to my quarters and make sure it's neat and all."
"Ugh, cleaning," Draco sighed. "I've had to do some with Snape and it's something I didn't have to do growing up."
"It's not that bad. You just have to get into a routine. Sometimes it's even mindless. It's the four-hour mark that starts to get difficult." Harry didn't even think of what he was saying.
Draco stared at Harry. "Four hours? I don't even do forty minutes."
Harry blushed, realizing what he said. "Uh, yeah."
Harry was frozen and unsure of how to handle the situation.
Draco recovered first and said, "Listen, we don't have to talk about it. Let's get back to the potion, okay?"
Harry nodded, wanting to do anything except talk about it.
The boys quietly finished the potion, only talking about light topics before they finished and Harry went back to the Marauder Quarters.
Harry cleaned up a little by washing all the dishes and straightening up the sitting room, but he was mentally exhausted from being with Draco.
Draco didn't do anything wrong, but Harry couldn't handle those topics. After a quick wipe down of the bathroom, Harry found himself back in his bed falling asleep from it all.
Remus, Sirius, and Neville showed up about 10 minutes after Harry had fallen asleep.
"We're home, Harry," Sirius called jovially.
Sirius looked around as Neville dusted himself off.
Remus looked around before peeking into Harry's room. He saw Harry sprawled out on his bed, completely asleep. He smiled to himself and put up a silencing charm and softly shut Harry's door.
"Is he in his room?" Sirius asked as Remus went back into the sitting room.
"I'm sorry, Neville, it looks like Harry fell asleep. He was so excited for you to come, too. I'd wake him up, but I think he needs his rest. Is that okay?"
"Oh, it's no problem at all! I totally understand. I was pretty excited to see Professor Sprout, too. Is it alright if I set my stuff down and see her?"
"Of course, Neville," Remus replied warmly.
Neville smiled and ducked his head as he went to the guest bedroom.
Sirius and Remus smiled until Neville was out of sight and then Sirius went to Remus. "Remus, is he okay?"
Remus smiled reassuringly. "Yes, he is. He really is sleeping."
"Why?" Sirius asked.
"I'm not sure, but his body sure needed it. I didn't smell any overwhelming despair or angst when I peeked in, so I think Harry's safe. He'll talk to us when he wakes. I'm just glad his body is getting some much-deserved rest.
"Well considering he is resting and Neville went to go see Pomona," Sirius stepped toward his husband and cupped a cheek (no, not the one by your mouth).
"Sirius," Remus muttered, blushing.
"No one's awake," Sirius reminded him, turning his husband around and kissing him.
Remus kissed Sirius for longer than a moment before reluctantly breaking away. "Sirius, Harry'll wake up soon and we should start dinner."
"The house elves can do it," Sirius reminded Remus, not ready to let him go.
It took all of Remus' willpower to shake his head. "We said we'd only use them sparingly. C'mon, let's wait until we have more time."
Sirius stepped away and nodded, clearly downtrodden, although understanding.
"However, tonight," Remus began, leaning in to whisper in Sirius' ear.
Now it was Sirius who blushed at Remus' words. "Rem," Sirius breathed.
"And that's not all," Remus said when he stepped away.
"I suppose I can wait for that," Sirius agreed.
"I thought so," Remus smirked. "C'mon. Let's get started," he said as he led Sirius to the kitchen.
Remus and Sirius prepped dinner and Harry woke up about half an hour later. Once he came to his senses he made his way into the sitting room, rubbing his eyes.
"Mornin'" Harry said, rubbing his eyes.
"Good afternoon," Sirius said teasingly.
"Yeah, I didn't mean to fall asleep," Harry said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I'm glad you got the rest that your body needed," Remus said warmly.
"I was tired for sure. But, uh, some things came up with Draco and it was mentally exhausting."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus offered.
Harry nodded.
"Here or my office?" Remus asked.
Harry looked around. "Is Neville here?"
"He's with Professor Sprout right now," Remus told him.
"Can we go to your office, then? Just so we're not interrupted?"
"Of course. Come, let's walk there," Remus said, standing up from his spot.
Harry took Remus' outstretched hand and went with him out of their quarters and into the hallways.
"How was Mrs. Longbottom?" Harry asked as they walked to Remus' office.
"She was good. Neville is so excited to be here with us. He'll be here for the next three days and two nights. He'll return before dinner on Wednesday."
"Cool. I'm glad he's here, too. I even got Draco to give him a chance."
Remus raised his eyebrows. "That's huge, Harry. I'm proud of you."
"I want my friends to be friends, y'know? I mean I know I can't make them but I can try."
Remus chuckled. "Yes, you certainly can."
They continued to walk to the office until Remus gently ushered Harry into the waiting area and then the office, shutting the door behind him.
Harry made himself comfortable on his couch and Remus sat in the armchair. "What's going on Cub?"
Harry wrung his hands together. He felt much more confident about this before he was actually sitting in here.
"I know I can't always talk to you about little stuff like this, but I just thought I should. I don't want to bother you."
Remus gave Harry a warm smile. "You're never bothering me. I love being with you. You're right, the school year is busier, but I am here and available right now and you're using your resources. That's a good thing. I'm glad you spoke up. You did the right thing," Remus reassured him.
Harry felt more secure in what he was doing and took a deep breath. He grabbed a pillow to hold and started to tell Remus what happened. "I went down there to brew. We were brewing a pain-relieving potion."
Remus nodded, listening.
"He didn't say anything wrong, really. He told me he could maybe take a year off of healer school if he keeps working hard with Madame Pomfrey and then he asked me what I wanted to do after school."
"How did that make you feel?" Remus asked when Harry had gone silent.
"Uncomfortable. I don't have a good answer for that. I can lie to other people, but not my close friends."
Remus nodded. "Where are you at with the answer to that question?"
"Same place where I was before," Harry admitted quietly. "I don't see a future for myself," Harry admitted, holding back tears.
"You're safe, Harry. You can cry," Remus said softly, pushing the box of tissues near him.
"I know, but I don't want to!" Harry replied, a bit angrily. He sniffed and wiped a few of his tears away. He grabbed a tissue and held it in his hands, fiddling with it.
"We're working on it together, aren't we?"Remus reminded him gently.
"Yeah," Harry admitted honestly, nodding. "It's better now that someone knows. And I know we're working on it and I am better than how I was, but I still don't have the answer!"
"That sounds difficult."
Harry nodded, ripping the tissue in his hands.
"As someone who is getting older, more and more people will be asking you what you want to do after Hogwarts. Would you like to come up with a few answers together?"
"Yeah! Oh, Moony Da, that's such a good idea," Harry said, breathing a sigh of relief. Getting an answer that was Moony-approved was always a solid answer, even if it wasn't the whole truth.
"Well, you can always tell someone you don't know what you're going to do."
Harry huffed. "There's pressure on me to do something important, Moony Da. I know I don't have to listen to it, but it's there."
Remus nodded. "That's true. You don't have to listen to it, but it's easier said than done and I understand that."
"What else is there?" Harry asked.
"You can say you don't know and you're working with me on it. You can also say that you have a few ideas and they all involve making sure people stay safe. There are a lot of careers that involve that."
"Yeah, you're right," Harry said, thinking. "That's specific enough to get them off my back but vague enough to not tell them anything in particular. What if they keep pressuring me?"
"Well, you can make up a career that's real. Or make one up that's fake and say it's in America or a Muggle career."
Harry laughed. The thought of telling people he would go into a muggle career was hilarious because they wouldn't know what to say.
"And, of course, you can always say you're playing Quidditch and staying with Dadfoot and me forever," Remus said with a smile.
"Moony Da," Harry groaned good-naturedly.
"You know we love you so much. We would keep you with us forever," Remus smiled.
"As much as I love you both: no."
Remus laughed and nodded. "As you should. Now, how do you feel about those options?"
"I like them. I mean, I wish I could give them a real answer, but I'm not there yet."
"We'll work on it. I believe in you," Remus said, smiling.
"Thanks. Anyway, once we changed the topic he brought up chores and how they're no fun." Harry sighed. "I wasn't even thinking, Moony Da! I said that they're not that bad when you're in a routine and they only become brutal when you hit the four-hour mark!"
Harry hit his head with his hand and then groaned, burying his head in his hands. "It's been years and I still said it," Harry moaned, muffled by his head still in his hands.
He brought it back up and said, "He just froze! And then I froze! He was quick to say that we didn't have to talk about it, but ugh! It was my fault!"
Harry hit his head with his hand again muttering, "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
Remus didn't move the first time Harry hit his head, but this time he got up and sat next to Harry. He gently grabbed Harry's hands and said, "Hey, don't hurt yourself."
"Oh, sorry," Harry blushed, realizing what he was doing.
"It's okay. I know it's a force of habit," Remus said gently. He released Harry's hands and set them in his lap. "You're allowed to feel all of this."
Harry nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah."
"How was Draco after this?" Remus asked.
"He was good. I mean we just talked about light things, y'know? He really didn't seem bothered by it. I mean, I've told him that the Dursleys were unkind to me and everything, but I just wish I hadn't brought it up again."
Remus nodded. "I understand. Do you think Draco will bring it up again?"
"I don't think so. As long as I'm talking to you or another adult he's content. I just didn't mean to just dump it on him."
"I understand your feelings. I can also say that you didn't dump it on him. You were communicating your feelings. I think it shows you felt safe enough to share that with him, even unconsciously."
"Huh," Harry said, leaning back on the couch. "I never thought of that."
"I'm not saying you need to run down and tell Draco everything that's ever happened to you, but he does seem like a safe friend to confide in."
"He is. I mean, the most he overreacts is making me talk to you or another adult like I said, and you already know everything," Harry waved his hand.
Remus chuckled. "Well, I'm honored you trust me enough to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences."
"I wouldn't trust anyone else," Harry replied, leaning on Remus.
Remus smiled at the contact and ran his hand through his hair. "You're allowed to share what you went through, Harry."
"I just don't want anyone to think any less of me. Or think I'm a, well, y'know."
"You are not a freak," Remus said firmly, moving so he could look Harry in the eye.
Harry hesitated, but then nodded before resting his head once again on Remus.
"No one who you already feel safe with will think less of you for sharing. They know how strong you are and they want to help you. They want to be there for you."
"I don't really believe you, but I'll work on it," Harry told him honestly.
"That's all I can ask for," Remus replied.
"Thanks for listening," Harry said after a pause.
"I'm happy to do it. I'd get into more with you, but I know it's not our session right now and you're looking forward to seeing Neville."
"Yeah," Harry agreed. "I'd like to not be crying around him the entire time he's here."
"I know he wouldn't care, but I understand that," Remus replied. "Why don't we stay here for a bit and just chat before we head back, hm?"
"Yeah, that sounds good," Harry agreed.
Remus and Harry chatted for another half an hour before they went back to the Marauder Quarters.
"Hey, Pup. How're you doing?" Sirius asked Harry as soon as the teenager walked in.
Harry saw Sirius' warm and concerned expression and gave him a smile. "I'm better now, Dadfoot. Moony Da and I talked and I'm feeling better."
"He is handy, isn't he? I suppose we'll keep him around," Sirius teased, winking.
"Dadfoot," Harry said, rolling his eyes.
"He knows I'm joking. I love him so," Sirius said, going to hug and kiss Remus.
"I love you too," Remus said, kissing him back.
Harry shook his head and sat on the couch. "What're we doing for dinner?"
"We're having a salad and some lemon chicken."
"Okay, cool," Harry said, grabbing a Quidditch book.
"Which you can help me with," Sirius said.
"Fine," Harry groaned.
Sirius shook his head and ruffled Harry's hair as he passed by. "And don't forget to wash your hands!"
"Yes, Sir," Harry replied.
Sirius and Remus watched as Harry headed into the kitchen and then Sirius put up a discreet silencing charm.
"I've got him. You do your notes and take a moment for yourself," Sirius said to his husband.
"Are you sure?" Remus asked, craning his neck to look inside the kitchen.
"Remus, I'm sure. I know you always have notes to catch up on, and we're about to care for two teenage boys. Take some time for yourself, please. I'll let you know when Neville returns, okay? You're only a floo away," Sirius reminded him.
"You're right. Thanks, Love."
"Of course," Sirius said, kissing him again.
Sirius took down the charm and Remus said, "Harry, I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back."
"Okay, Moony Da. Love you!" Harry called from the kitchen, poking his head out.
"I love you too, Cub," Remus said warmly, smiling.
"Have fun," Remus told Sirius.
"We will," Sirius replied. Harry may groan, but Sirius knows he enjoys cooking (when it's fun).
Remus went back to his office to write some notes on Harry (and a few other students he has kept in contact with over the summer).
Sirius and Harry prepared the chicken together (and made a rather large mess while doing so).
While change is a constant in our lives, some things will remain the same. The love some people have for you will stay the same (or grow), and that is hope to cling to.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555