Author's Note: TW: References to past trauma, references to passive suicidal ideation and being killed by Voldemort, swearing
Hi beautiful souls! I've had a pretty rough few weeks, so I apologize for the delay. I hope you know that you make this world SO much brighter. You're doing SUCH. a good job. I'm proud of you! You are loved!
Chapter Summary: It's the beginning of the school year! Harry sees some professors and helps a student when something comes up. Harry just wants to be "normal".
Previous Chapter Summary: It's September 1st! Harry gets his schedule. There's a flashback to when Harry received his OWL results. He sees his friends again. There's the welcoming feast and new professors arrive.
It was the official first day of classes and the first day of sixth-year for Harry. However, the sixth years didn't have classes today, as they were meeting with their head of house and/or Remus to plan their schedule. A few met with them last night, but most did so later today.
While Harry didn't have to wake up, there was something about the first day of school that always excited him. There was hope.
Harry sloppily put his uniform on and went down to the Gryffindor Common Room, which was buzzing with excitement. Harry hung out there for a bit, talking with some people, before making his way out into the corridors. He watched the first years frantically try to find their way around. He helped a few to Charms, which Flitwick was already talking down a student. He gave Harry a grateful look before the raven-haired teen slipped out.
Harry decided to head to see his Auntie Marlene. He would usually have her at this time anyway, so he knew she would be free.
On his way there, Harry stopped at a familiar classroom. He poked his head in. "Have a good day, Professor," Harry smiled.
Sirius looked up and beamed when he saw his son. "C'mere, Harry," Sirius said.
Harry was expecting this. He walked into the classroom and went to his godfather, who wrapped him in a hug.
"Have a good day, Dad," Harry said.
"Thanks, Son. Don't have too much fun," Sirius whispered back before pulling away and winking.
"Have fun with the third years!" Harry called as he walked away.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I love you, Harry!"
Harry turned around and gave Sirius a small smile. "I love you too."
While telling your godfather you love him may be something most 16-year-old boys would never want to do, especially in front of other students, Harry was raised with it by Sirius and Remus. Besides, Harry has faced death enough that he wants to say it to them any chance he has. He doesn't have shame about it. Harry wanted his parents to know that he did love them, especially if he's not going to be around for much longer.
Harry made his way to Marlene's classroom.
"Professor McKinnon? Are you in here?" Harry called out, grinning.
Marlene popped her head out of her office and beamed when she saw Harry.
"Harry! Oh my goodness, it's been a shitshow of a morning," Marlene said as she made her way down the stairs.
Harry chuckled. "I don't think you're supposed to say 'shitshow' as a professor," Harry remarked.
Marlene waved her hand as she hopped off the last step. "No one else is in here. And don't call me professor unless you have to. It's nice hearing it, but it sounds stuffy," Marlene said, wrinkling her nose.
"Fair enough," Harry agreed, chuckling again. "I know you'd normally be teaching me right now, so I wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing. I know it's a lot."
"Yeah, it is," Marlene agreed, "but I'm doing pretty well. Sirius, Remus, and Dorcas have all been a big help. You have, too. I know you spent more than a couple of hours cleaning and setting up my classroom."
Harry smiled. "I didn't mind it at all. I'm just glad you're here," Harry replied.
"You are the best. Can I give you a hug?" Marlene asked.
Harry nodded and leaned into Marlene's open arms.
"I'm proud of you," Marlene whispered before kissing his head.
"Now, I'm going to get things set up for my next class. Why don't you go take a nap or something? I'm sure you're tired from all the excitement," Marlene said, clearly seeing the bags under Harry's eyes.
Harry had to admit that he was tired. "Okay, Auntie Marls. You're right. If you need anything I'll be in my room in the Marauder Quarters."
"Is everything okay in your dorm?" Marlene asked, concerned.
"Yeah, it's all good, really. You're right, I am tired. I just know that my room with my parents is going to be darker and quieter."
"You'd tell me if something was wrong?" Marlene checked.
"Yes, Auntie Marls. I promise," Harry said, rolling his eyes.
"None of that sass. I'm a professor now. I can take points," Marlene warned.
Harry shook his head. "Bye, Auntie Marlene."
"Bye, Harry," Marlene replied, smiling at her pseudo-nephew as he left.
Harry did in fact go straight to the Marauder Quarters and headed to his bedroom. He smiled as he went to his bed. He didn't feel very safe this year, even with all of the people he loved around him. He knew that the final battle was coming closer, and it was a huge weight to carry. For just a moment, Harry relished the feeling of safety as he curled up in his bed and took a nap. Even if it was just for a moment, Harry relished the feeling. Safety.
Harry woke up around lunchtime. He was surprised to see Sirius there.
"Dadfoot? What are you doing here?" Harry asked when he walked out of his bedroom and into the sitting room.
"Hey, Pup," Sirius smiled.
"You have classes to teach," Harry pointed out. "It's the first day of school."
"I know that, thank you," Sirius said. "It's lunchtime, so I wanted to spend it here."
"You love the great hall," Harry pointed out, unconvinced.
Sirius sighed. "I might've had a tip that you were here and I wanted to check on you."
"I was just tired! I wanted to take a nap!" Harry said.
"I know, I know. You didn't hold your necklace and I know you would've told Marlene if you needed help."
"Then why are you here?" Harry asked.
Sirius smiled. "Is it so hard to believe that I missed you?"
"Yes," Harry said dryly.
"And that I'm always worried about you," Sirius added.
"Now that I believe," Harry said, rolling his eyes.
"It hasn't even been a day. I just needed to see for myself that you were doing alright."
"I am, Dadfoot. I was just tired," Harry reassured him.
Sirius gave him another once over before nodding and smiling. "Alright then. Come have some lunch with me, my sixth year."
Harry shook his head, but couldn't help but smile at how cheesy Sirius was.
Harry enjoyed a nice lunch with his godfather before Sirius checked his watch. "I've got to head to my next class. Do you want to go with me?"
"Sure," Harry agreed, shrugging.
He walked with Sirius to his classroom and hugged him goodbye. He stopped by the kitchens and grabbed some crisps and an apple and brought it up to Remus' office.
Harry walked into the waiting room as he saw Remus walking out a Ravenclaw sixth year. Harry gave them a wave as they walked out and Remus smiled when he saw him.
"Harry! It's good to see you! How are you doing?"
"I'm good," Harry smiled. "I took a nap and had lunch with Dadfoot. I stopped by the kitchens and picked these up for you because I'm guessing you haven't stopped to eat."
Remus smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I do need a break. Do you want to sit with me while I eat?" Remus offered.
"While that sounds nice, I think you need like 10 minutes of silence. I'll sit out here in case someone needs you. Why don't you shut your door and just enjoy the quiet?" Harry offered.
Remus let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "That would be lovely, Harry. Are you sure?"
Harry smiled and nodded at Remus. "I'm sure. Take some time for yourself. You're not going to be much help if you burn yourself out."
Remus smiled and ruffled Harry's hair. "I wonder where you've heard that one," Remus teased Harry.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Enjoy your snack, Moony Da," Harry replied.
Remus kissed Harry on the head and went into his office He kept the door a crack open while Harry sat on a couch in the waiting room, flipping through a magazine Remus had on the table.
After about 10 minutes, a small Ravenclaw came into the waiting room on the brink of tears. She saw Harry and seemed to light up.
"You're Harry Potter, aren't you?" She asked.
"Yeah, I am," Harry replied. "Are you okay?"
"I can't find my way to class. I have Astronomy and this is the only place I remember being a place I could go if I didn't know what to do!"
Remus must've heard the commotion and poked his head out. "Is everything alright?"
Harry gave Remus a reassuring smile. "I'm going to walk her to her class. Astronomy."
"Ah, those towers can be challenging to find. What's your name?" Remus asked kindly.
"Isabella," the girl hiccuped. "Isabella Newton."
"Well, Miss Newton, Mr. Potter here is an excellent guide. Is there anything I can do for you?"
She shook her head. "N-no, Professor. I'm good as long as I get to class."
"Best be off, then," Remus said, giving her a kind smile. "I'm here if you need anything."
"Thanks!" The girl said, practically running out of the office, completely forgetting Harry.
"I'll see you later, Moony Da," Harry said, smiling at Remus.
"Thanks, Harry," Remus said, smiling back.
Harry shook his head and caught up with the first year.
"I know it's hard to figure out where everything is at Hogwarts. It's helpful to stay in groups the first semester," Harry suggested kindly after a moment of walking in silence.
Isabella sighed. "I know. I was doing that, but I just wanted to finish the second chapter of my Astronomy textbook!"
"It's the first day. You certainly don't need to do that. Most of your professors are pretty understanding. Except for Snape, of course. He wants you to know things already," Harry snorted, remembering his first year.
Isabella looked up at him and wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Who? I've heard that name, but I don't have him."
Harry felt his stomach drop. "Oh, yeah. He is the head of Slytherin. He was a potions professor. You might see him around eventually."
Isabella shrugged and continued to fast walk. "I have Professor Slughorn for potions. I haven't had him yet, though, only Professor Flitwick for Charms."
Isabella continued to go on about her first charms class and Harry half-listened. She reminded him of a first-year Hermione with her enthusiasm. Harry nodded along and smiled and murmured when appropriate, but he was still stuck on Snape.
Eventually, they reached the staircase for Astronomy. "Bye, Harry! Thank you!" Isabella said before bounding up the stairs.
Harry stood there in a daze for a moment before shaking his head and healing back to the Marauder Quarters.
This time, he really did just want to be alone in his bedroom.
He knew that he could've easily gotten out of the headspace, but he just didn't feel like it. He felt like it would take more effort to try to get himself out of it than it would be to sit through it. He just didn't have the energy to deal with it.
Harry felt disappointed in himself. He was doing perfectly well and then it all hit him like a brick. He curled up in his bed and pulled Prongsy near him. He hated this. He hated his trauma and hated his brain.
Harry kicked his feet under the covers and squeezed his eyes shut and a few hot tears fell out.
Harry stayed in bed for a while before falling asleep (again). He didn't want his first day to look like this, but alas, trauma is a bitch.
When Harry woke up he felt a bit better. He rolled over and stared at his ceiling for a few minutes before deciding to head back to the dorms. He didn't want to bring any more attention to himself than he already did today He was hoping in his dorms he could fade into the background and listen to his dorm mates.
However, Harry had no such luck. As he was leaving his bedroom, he saw Remus sitting on the sitting room couch.
Harry froze and then tried to quietly sneak out of the quarters.
"Harry?" Remus asked, standing up.
"Hey, Moony Da," Harry said, chuckling lightly and spinning around. "What're you doing here? I thought you had meetings?"
"I did. I finished them all. I've been in my office since 7 this morning and it's almost 5 so I thought that it was time for me to take a short break. I'm going to head back soon before dinner to check-in. I have a button students can press if they need me while I'm away. Are you doing okay? I wasn't expecting to see you here."
"I just wanted a quiet place to rest," Harry replied. He wasn't exactly lying, but he wasn't telling the truth either.
Remus narrowed his eyebrows. "Are you sure? You smell a bit off," Remus said.
Harry sighed and rolled his eyes, "Sorry I didn't shower today."
Remus shook his head. "You know that's not what I'm talking about."
Harry groaned and turned toward the door. "Moony Da! Just leave me be!"
"Harry, I'm just asking if you're doing okay. I don't want that attitude," Remus warned.
"I'm not giving you attitude!" Harry cried, throwing his hands up.
Remus was quickly over by Harry. "I'm not going to make you tell me anything, but I do not appreciate that tone with me. This is your last warning."
Harry bit the inside of his cheek and squeezed his eyes shut. It was the first day of school and he didn't want to be grounded already.
"Fine," Harry spat. "Can I go now?"
Remus sighed. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything?" Remus asked, trying to soften his voice and lower his temper.
"Yes," Harry replied through gritted teeth.
"Okay," Remus sighed.
Harry quickly left the Marauder Quarters and Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
He sat on the couch, going over the situation, and Sirius came in a few minutes later.
"Hey, Moony, how w-" Sirius quickly took in Remus' body language and mood. He saw Remus playing with his cardigan sleeves. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
Remus sighed and Sirius sat next to his husband. "Talk to me, Love."
Remus told Sirius about what happened with Harry.
"He already took a nap today. There's something definitely going on, even if there wasn't earlier," Sirius commented.
"I knew something was going on. I should've reacted better," Remus sighed.
"Hey," Sirius said softly, gently rubbing Remus' arm. "You're doing great. You have had a very long day, and you didn't do anything wrong. You have had a lot to handle today. Be gentle with yourself."
"I should've tried to sit him down," Remus mused, ignoring Sirius' words.
"Hey," Sirius said again, this time a bit more forcefully. "You are doing a good job. Do you hear me?"
Remus opened his mouth to protest but Sirisu cut him off. "I'll stick Minerva Mum on you."
Remus stopped and chuckled. "Okay, I hear you."
"We'll check in with Harry later. There's a lot going on today and it's okay for both you and Harry to have some big feelings. It's been a long day and it's not over yet."
Remus took a deep cleansing breath. "You're right."
"Why don't we stay together until dinner, hmm?"
"I was going to head back to my office and hang out there for a while."
"Let me rephrase that. You and I are going to spend time together until dinner."
"Padfoot, I'm fine," Remus protested.
"You're clearly fine," Sirius gently pointed out, gesturing to Remus fidgeting with his sleeves.
"Shoot," Remus whispered. Sirius summoned a fidget and placed it in Remus' hands.
"I didn't realize how upset I was," Remus admitted.
"It's okay. You already started, like, two hours early today and stayed an extra hour later. I know you'll have students wanting to talk to you after dinner and I'm sure you worked through lunch, correct?"
Remus nodded.
"Take an hour for yourself right now. C'mon, let's take some time together and calm down," Sirius encouraged gently.
"Yeah, you're right," Remus sighed, pulling on the fidget.
"I'm going to get us some water and we'll cuddle, hmm?"
"That sounds lovely, thank you," Remus said.
As Sirius got up and started to walk into the kitchen, Remus spoke up again and said, "Are you able to handle this right now? I know it's been a long day for everyone and-" Sirius walked back over to Remus and kissed him on the lips. "There's nothing else I'd rather be doing. I'm good, Remus."
"Okay," Remus breathed, letting out another breath.
Sirius gave Remus a reassuring smile and went to get water.
Sirius made sure Remus drank his whole glass of water before refilling it and bringing it back to him. They cuddled on the couch and Sirius and Remus talked quietly to each other. Remus ended up even falling asleep for twenty minutes, which Sirius was grateful for. He knew that Remus loved taking care of other people, but he needed to talk care of himself as well.
When Remus woke up, they continued to snuggle and occasionally drink water until it was time to go to dinner.
Remus felt much better when they went to dinner and he was glad Sirius stayed with him. He held his hand tightly as they made their way to the Great Hall.
Minerva smiled as she saw them. "How was the first day?" She asked.
"Busy, but good," Sirius replied.
"Rather eventful," Remus said. "Did we finish all of the sixth years?"
"Yes, we did. We're all rather relieved."
Remus nodded in agreement before looking out over the students. "Have you seen Harry today?"
"No, I haven't. Is everything okay?" Minerva asked, clearly seeing Remus' thinly veiled concern.
"He had an attitude with Remus earlier and he's spent some time in our quarters today. We can tell something is up."
"I could smell it," Remus murmured as he finished searching for Harry (but no such luck).
"Something is up with who?" Marlene asked as she took a spot next to Remus, Dorcas on her other side.
"Harry," Remus replied, greeting her and Dorcas with a smile.
"Really? I thought he was okay earlier," Marlene replied.
"He was. It was later on in the day. He gave Remus some attitude and Remus said he could smell that something was off with him."
"Give him some space. We can always have Minerva check on him after dinner. She checks on her students tonight anyway," Dorcas suggested.
Remus let out a relieved breath. "You're right. Thanks, Dorcas. Now, how was the first day for both of you?"
"It went well! Most of the students seem pretty great. I was nervous, but it was chill," Marlene said.
"I was able to talk to a few students about art," Dorcas said, smiling.
"That sounds great," Remus said, smiling.
The adults continued to talk as dinner got started, but as they were clearing their plates, Sirius once again scanned The Great Hall. "Have any of you seen Harry at all during dinner? He's not here right now."
Remus' face creased with concern at Sirius' observation. "I haven't seen him at all. Anyone else?"
The girls shook their heads.
Remus sighed and put his head in his hands. "Shit," He whispered quietly.
"What happened?" Minerva asked, worried for both Harry and Draco.
"Harry spent some time in our quarters this morning," Sirius began to explain as he rubbed Remus' back. "Remus found him in there later as well and Harry was clearly lying from him, or at least not telling us the truth. Remus tried to get Harry to talk about it but he wouldn't and stormed out," Sirius said.
Well, I made it worse," Remus whined with his head still in his hands.
"You didn't. You reminded Harry to respect you. There's nothing wrong with that," Sirius said firmly, but kindly.
"I am sure that you handled the situation well," Minerva told Remus kindly. "You are doing a good job."
Remus lifted his head up. He looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he smiled wearily and said, "Thanks, Mum."
"Now, is Harry safe?" Minerva asked.
"We think so, or at least he was," Sirius said.
"I want to go check on him, but I don't want to embarrass him. I'd be there in a heartbeat if I was extremely worried about his safety, but he's been doing well as of late and I don't want to ruin any trust we already have," Remus said.
"I check on the Gryffindors after dinner anyway. I will check on Harry when I'm there. I check on several students so they won't think anything of it," Minerva said.
"That would be amazing! Thank you, Mum!" Sirius said.
"I know I checked on you boys more than once on the first day of school," Minerva reminded them with a raised eyebrow.
"And many days after that," Remus chuckled.
"I will talk to him. He is sixteen, after all. His hormones are all over the place."
"Mum, you gave us this talk almost twenty years ago! We don't need it again!" Sirius hissed (although he was just teasing Minerva).
Minerva rolled her eyes and said, "Keep up that attitude and you'll find yourself in detention, Mr. Black."
"He is a professor," Marlene pointed out.
Remus smirked and said, "Ah, Marls, Minnie isn't joking. She has and will give professors a detention."
"Oh, shit," Marlene whispered, sipping out of her goblet.
"What was that, Ms. McKinnon?" Minerva asked loudly.
"Nothing, Professor," Marlene said, smiling.
"That's what I thought," Minerva said, smiling to herself.
"Minnie sure hasn't changed," Marlene commented to Remus.
"No, no she hasn't," he confirmed.
"Thank goodness for some things staying the same," Marlene said with Dorcas nodding in agreement.
"I'll drink to that," Remus said, clinking his goblet with hers.
While Sirius and Remus were worried about Harry, they knew that Minerva could handle whatever the situation was and would report back to her.
Dinner ended and there was still no sign of Harry. However, Dumbledore had none of his alarms that went off that alerted him if Harry's life was in danger, and Harry also had not activated his charmed rock necklace. Sirius and Remus also reminded themselves that he could've gotten food from the kitchens (as unlikely as it was).
Minerva convinced Sirius and Remus to go back to their quarters and walked them back there herself before heading to the Gryffindor tower.
In the tower, Minerva talked to the prefects and gathered the first years together before going around and checking on the older kiddos, especially the fifth through sixth years.
It wasn't lost on Minerva that Harry wasn't in the common room with 98% of the other students. Minerva made her way up the the sixth yeat boy dormitories and knocked on the door.
"This is Professor McGonagall. May I come in?"
She was hoping it wasn't in that bad of condition yet, considering they had only slept one night here so far.
She heard some commotion and then Neville opened the door, brave lad.
"Come in, Professor," Neville said.
She gave Neville a nod and a smile.
"Hello Mr. Finnegan, Mr. Thomas, Mr. Longbottom. I already saw Mr. Potter downstairs. I also saw you, Mr. Longbottom. I did not see you two boys," Minerva said, raising an eyebrow.
Seamus and Dean looked anywhere bit their professor's face.
Minerva kept her stern face on, but was secretly amused.
"Is Mr. Potter in his bed?"
Seamus shrugged but Neville nodded. "Yes, Professor."
Neville lowered his voice and said, "I tried to talk to him but he wasn't answering me. I think something's wrong."
Minerva creased her eyebrows in concern. "Thank you, Mr. Longbottom. Can you please take Mr. Finnegan and Mr. Thomas, well, somewhere else?"
"Of course, Professor," Neville said, walking over and grabbing Dean and Seamus and dragging them out of the room.
Minerva shook her head at them and watched the door close. She waved her wand and put a locking charm on it before going over to Harry.
"I didn't see you at dinner, leanbh," Minerva commented gently, sitting on Neville's bed.
There was no answer behind the curtains of the four poster bed.
"Harry," Minerva tried again. "I want to give you space. I also need to make sure you're safe."
"I'm safe," came a muffled reply from Harry.
"What happened?" Minerva asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," Harry said.
"Okay. Besides being left alone, how can I help right now?"
Harry huffed. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "I don't know."
Minerva heard Harry's voice break as he replied.
"Love, what happened?" Minerva asked again.
"It was something stupid that triggered me," Harry finally admitted. He sat up and pulled the curtain aside. "It's not a big deal at all and I'm safe. I'm just frustrated with myself."
"If it triggered you,it's not stupid," Minerva reminded him, sitting next to him on his bed.. "I don't care how small you think it was. It could be the way a cloud looked, Harry. I know that triggers are challenging. You're not weak for that. You are strong for enduring it."
"It doesn't feel like that. And Moony Da knew something was up, too, and I snapped at him about it and he wasn't happy with it. I know he was trying to help, but I couldn't handle it and words were too… hard," Harry said, trying to find the right word.
"You're not the first 16 year old boy to say that and you won't be the last. It can be hard to communicate. Words can be challenging; you're absolutely right."
Harry huffed again. "It's a lot, Grandma Min. It's more than I thought it would be and it's only the first day. I should be able to handle this."
"No one should handle anything on their own. We support each other. You are not alone. I daresay you have a lot on your plate as it is. You have people who want to support you. We love you."
"I know that, but I just want to act like other people."
"I don't know if you've noticed this, Mr. Potter, but most people have support systems. Their parents, loved ones, significant others, professors, coaches, mentors: the list goes on and on. We all have people we lean on in different ways. Sure, some people hide it more, but everyone leans on someone. Life is hard, leanbh. Life is much more manageable when we work together and help each other out."
"Yeah, you're right," Harry admitted reluctantly.
"You don't have to talk to me and you don't have to talk to your parents, but I do think it's important for them to see you tonight."
"Why? No one else has to deal with that in the castle!" Harry pointed out spitefully.
"You're right," Minerva nodded patiently. "However, I saw two very worried parents at dinner tonight. I am not going to force you to see them or talk to them, but I know they're not going to rest until they know you're safe."
"It's bloody annoying" Harry groaned, leaning back on his bed.
"It may be, but I do know that you still appreciate it."
Harry blushed and pulled a pillow over his head. His grandmother was right. He did love having two parents who loved him. As annoying and overbearing as his parents could be, he knew what the complete absence of love was like and always treasured the amount of love he was given by his parents.
"What do you think?" Minerva asked softly.
"Okay, fine," Harry grumbled as he put this pillow aside and sat up.
"Come on, I'll walk you there," Minerva said, smiling.
Harry nodded and followed his professor out of his quarters and eventually out of the common room. Harry kept his head down and didn't make eye contact. He walked in silence with Minerva until they reached the Marauder Quarters.
"Go ahead, Harry," Minerva prompted him.
Harry looked at her, not moving.
Minerva opened the door and walked in, ushering Harry in. "Look who I found," MInerva said, seeing Remus and Sirius in the sitting room.
Sirius was pacing and Remus was leaning on the chair. Both lit up when they saw Harry.
"Harry! Are you alright?" Sirius asked, going over to him.
"I'm fine," Harry said.
Remus turned around and went to the window to take some breaths. He could see that Harry wasn't "fine".
"Harry, you weren't at dinner. We were worried," Sirius pointed out, not even mentioning that Harry used the 'f-word'.
"I came to show you that I was safe. Listen, I love you both, but I just need some space. I'll talk about it tomorrow, but I just want some time. I'm safe and not going to do anything, but I just want to be with everyone else right now and at least pretend that I'm living a normal life."
Remus was back over with his son and husband now. "Okay, Harry. We hear you. We are thankful that you let us know you're okay. We are always here if you need anything."
Harry nodded and then turned to Minerva. "Can I please walk back by myself?"
"Sure," Minerva nodded.
Harry gave them all a weak smile before walking out.
"Mum!" Sirius cried after the door was shut. He threw his arms up. "What are we going to do with him?!"
"As if you didn't have angst when you were 16. I know for a fact you had more drama than this."
"But I didn't have to parent me! I have toparent him!"
"He's safe, Sirius. I wanted to reassure you of that."
"And we appreciate it. I do feel better, but I hate that he isn't opening up," Sirius admitted. "When does he have therapy with you, Moony?"
"Thursdays at 11."
"Bugger. We still have a few days," Sirius said, running a hand through his hair.
"I don't think you'll have to wait that long," Minerva mused.
"What do you know?" Sirius asked suspiciously.
"I don't know anything. But I do know my grandson and I think he's going to open up to you sooner than you think."
"I hope so," Remus said.
"Now, is there anything I can do for you before I head to my quarters?" Minerva asked.
"No, thank you, Mum," Remus smiled.
"I'm only a floo away if you need me. Take care of yourselves. I mean it," Minerva warned, wagging a finger.
"We will, Mum," Sirius promised.
"Good. Sweet dreams, boys."
"Night, Mum," they replied.
Remus and Sirius hugged each other after Minerva left. They didn't know what was bothering their son and they wanted to find out.
Minerva, as usual, was right.
Harry tried to pretend he was like every other student in the Gryffindor tower, but he knew, deep down, that he wasn't.
He tried to talk to his dorm mates before trying ti go to sleep, but he had no such luck.
After casting a tempus spell and it revealing it was nearing 1 am, Harry gave up. He quietly got out of his bed and grabbed his cloak and draped it over him.
Harry made his way through the coriddors and to the Marauder Quarters.
When Harry entered, he wasn't surprised to see a light on in the kitchen.
"Lo," Harry said, taking off the cloak.
"Harry?" Remus' voice came from the kitchen. Remus walked to the front door. "Harry, Love, what are you doing here? Are you okay?"
Harry shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."
"Do you want to talk?" Remus offered.
Harry nodded.
"I was making some hot chocolate. Would you like some?"
"Course!" Harry replied.
"Lovely," Remus said with a smile.
Remus went back to the kitchen and Harry made himself comfortable on the couch. He pulled a blanket over him and leaned on a pillow.
"Moony, what's taking so long?" Sirius' voice said from behind the door.
Sirius opened the door to their bedroom and was surprised to see his godson. "Harry, are you okay?" Sirius asked, heading over to the couch.
"'M okay," Harry shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."
"Neither could we," Sirius admitted.
"Sorry," Harry said, feeling like it was his fault.
"No need to apologize, Pup. We love you."
Remus came out with three mugs of hot chocolate. "Here you go," Remus said, levitating a mug to Harry and Sirius.
Remus sat down in the armchair and gave Harry a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry you couldn't sleep. What was going on in your head?"
"I tried to be like everyone else. I did what I should do, but I'm not. I've got too many things that they don't have to worry about."
"What happened?" Sirius asked.
"Today, after I saw you, I saw Moony Da. I brought him a snack and I sat in his office in case someone came in. A first-year Ravenclaw did. She needed help finding the Astronomy tower. I took her there. At one point we were talking about the professors and I jokingly warned her about Snape. I totally forgot that she had no idea who he was. And then I was reminded of the whole situation all over again. I-I know it's stupid, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was reliving the memory. I laid down here because I just couldn't handle anything. I didn't want to talk about it, because, well, like I said, I just wanted to pretend to be normal, but I couldn't. It's really frustrating," Harry said.
"It's not stupid, Harry. Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that and that you dealt with it alone. You don't deserve that," Remus said.
Harry shrugged. "I'm here now."
Remus smiled. "You are, and I'm so glad you are. What can we do?"
"I still don't want to talk about it a ton. I just wanted to tell you both and I wanted to feel better."
"We are so proud of you for telling us. Thank you. We we worried about you because we could tell something was off, but we didn't know what. Harry, you are a remarkable young man. It's okay to ask for help," Sirius reminded him.
"Yeah, I'm learning that slowly," Harry admitted, rubbing the back of his neck before yawning.
"Would it be more helpful to keep talking about it or to change the topic for now? I know it's late," Remus said.
"I'll talk more about it later, not now. Can you tell me a story?" Harry asked, curling up to Sirius.
"Of course," Remus smiled.
Remus began to tell Harry a story about how he and his fellow Marauders snuck out of their dorm room one night during a thunderstorm.
Sirius gently raked his hand through Harry's hair and the teenager smiled, already feeling better.
If only someone had told him to talk to his parents from the beginning!
Before Remus was done with the story, Harry had fallen asleep and Sirius wasn't far behind him.
Remus carried Harry to his bed and tucked him in, before bringing Sirius back to their bed.
All was right in the Marauder Quarters and they could finally sleep peacefully.
Sweet dreams.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
16. Puzzles (jigsaw, Sudoku)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652 OR 116 123
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Mexico: 5255102550
Romania: 0800 801 200