All rights belong to Rick Riordan

Chapter 86

I Steal Christmas

(Diana)

'I don't know what you are all complaining about, it was only a bit of water.' I said smiling looking around the room full of now mostly dressed hunters who were most definitely not smiling back.

'The water was not the problem, the fact that is was freezing cold was, this is idiots fault. You used to be serious and didn't pull things like that.' Thalia complained from within a cocoon of at least four towels and a duvet. In fairness I had used glacial melt water on her as opposed to standard freshwater for the others so it stood to reason why she was complaining more.

'I will admit that maybe he has caused a few changes in the way I interact with others but you forget something Thalia. You dyed my hair green and so until I say so you deserve everything you get.'

'I didn't do anything wrong!' She protested and I noticed the remaining hunter's heads swiveling back and forth between us.

'You didn't join in on the team exercise therefore you have to pay the penalty.'

'You said I could stay!'

'There's no I in team.' I defended smugly.

'Well there sure as hell is an I in Thalia!'

'And you seem to think I care sister. Besides a little fresh water hurt no one.' I said brushing her off.

'Easy for you to say miss goddess of Tides.'

'Do you want another bath or are you quite finished? Some of us have things to do today.' I said raising my hands my fingers ready to click causing all the hunters close to her to move away quickly.

'Oh yeah because having dinner with Sally Jackson is such a chore, it is him I have to feel sorry for. Once she gets going with the stories she doesn't stop.' Thalia commented rolling her eyes.

'You have not seen my mother in action, the last time she spoke to Percy I got locked in a room for several hours and I still have no idea what they were talking about.'

'She probably asked the moron to count to ten.' Tania scoffed.

'Hey be nice it must have been at least a dozen because he can count us just fine.' Phoebe remarked playfully while unwrapping the towel around her hair only to find it still damp as well as being a mess causing her to frown.

'Percy's ability to count aside I need to get going, So all of you behave and try not to cause trouble.' I said focusing on Thalia.

'I just plan on a friendly visit to see my little brother, what harm could I cause?' She explained with a mischievous grin that would make Hermes proud.

'Just remember I know exactly how much Greek fire we have. Zoe are you ready yet?' I said narrowing my eyes before turning to the other girl who had been carrying on regardless of the banter around her.

'One minute Milady.'

'Oh and I am taking Nemea with us.' I explained looking at the catatonic feline who was fast asleep in a ball of fur.

'Why?' Jacqueline asked innocently.

'Because until I can think of a way to keep her out of the food supplies permanently, you all run the risk of finding out you have nothing to eat for dinner.' I explained causing several looks of horror to appear on their faces.

'You know what, feel free to take her. I think we can all agree we will be fine for one night.' Atlanta remarked holding her stomach.

'Lucky you I am probably about to get my first ever dose of food poisoning courtesy of Perseus.'

'You gave me food poisoning that one time in Macedonia.' Zoe mocked standing up straight as if to indicate she was ready.

'Don't give me that, only half the hunt was affected and it only lasted a few days.' I explained thinking back to that particular 'incident'. Ancient Greece did not have flushing toilets after all and the quality of the little girl's room in a forest is not great.

'We never did go there back after nor did we ever let you cook poultry.'

'Zoe, remember that time you died…' I said glaring at her causing her smile to falter.

'Never mind… I am ready now.' She said quickly.

'Zoe in case you get bored take this.' Tania said tossing her a paperback book. I didn't catch the full title something New Moon. Though judging by the look of disgust on several faces it obviously wasn't very good.

'Thanks… I think.' She said before tossing it in a small bag on her back.

'Right then just try and behave and Reyna call your sister, she wants to speak with you.' I told them scooping up the mass of fur on the floor and immediately decided she definitely needed to go on a diet. How could something so small weigh so damned much, had she spent all day eating lead as well as everything else?

'… Yes Milady.' Reyna answered after a pause and ending with a sigh.

'Remember when the Amazons used to be Ares' cheap knockoff version of the hunt, what was our capture the flag record with them in the end before they gave up?' Zoe said laughing at the memory.

'Four hundred and seventeen to one thanks to that lucky daughter of Hades.' I recounted remembering the arguments over whether shadow travel counted as cheating. Camp half blood got off easy due to the relative rarity in which we went there as opposed to running into the Amazons around the Hellenistic world back in the day.

'Blatantly cheated that time, the game was only going for a minute no way did she run to our flag and back.' Zoe complained as she moved over beside me.

'Have fun with the in-laws Milady, you're not supposed to enjoy this remember!' Phoebe called out laughing as I flashed the trio of us away. I was definitely turning her into a hyena for a week when I got back.

(Percy)

'That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard.'

'Oh you are one to talk; this is like the pot calling the pot black. How many stupid ideas have you had and pulled off. So relax and trust me on this.'

'You want to break into one of the most heavily defended buildings on Earth to steal someone's Christmas dinner, how is that even comparable with anything I have pulled off?'

'I'm sorry last I checked I was told to procure a meal and I plan on doing it, therefore your argument is invalid. So shut up and let me do this.'

'I am so gonna be the target of a nationwide manhunt…again. If we get away with this no one can find out especially not Artemis or mom.' I explained with a sigh. That was the last thing I needed, I could already see the disapproving look my mum would give me, it was the same as when she always received my report card.

'That's the spirit, now if you would kindly stop playing about with our hair I can get this show on the road. Besides you can dress up as a girl and play with your hair after, you seriously need to stop doing that.'

'Just remember no one gets hurt, this is probably gonna be on CNN enough as it is without that added drama.' I told him ignoring his jab about the whole 'Persee' situation. Regardless after taking one final look in the mirror and deciding that my hair was the best it was ever gonna spike up, I began to walk away.

As for clothes I had decided to do something I had not done since school. I was wearing a shirt and tie. A black shirt with a sea green tie to be specific along with black pants though the fact I actually lacked formal shoes meant I still ended up wearing my boots. If I was gonna go through with Perseus's hair brained plan I might as well look good while doing it.

'Let's just get this over with.' I said with a sigh as I let him take control of our body only for us to immediately get engulfed in shadows.

(Perseus)

'Nice place you got here, so this is what people's taxes pay for.' I commented looking around the room while the assembled family was still taking time to acknowledge the fact I had teleported into a vacant chair alongside them.

'Who are you? how did you get in here and past the guards? What do you want; because I will not negotiate with a terrorist.' The aging dark skinned gentlemen declared holding the carving knife defensively, when I had arrived he had looked just about ready to begin on bird which would have been a shame. Compared to his official photos he was not grinning.

'Sorry pal I can't tell you that or I could get in trouble as for being a terrorist I think in the grand scheme of things I outrank you no matter how great you think you are. As for how I got in I teleported so don't worry about your precious guards. Finally as for what I want, I guess you job is not allowed, so I guess I will just settle with this delicious looking meal.' I explained smiling putting my feet up on the table and looking at him.

'Guards!' The guy shouted and sure enough the door was almost immediately flung open to reveal two guys in suits with hand guns out who immediately noticed me and raised them in my direction before freezing.

'That was unnecessary besides I am under orders not to hurt anyone here, not that you could do anything to me. So how about you sit down and we talk. I thought that is what you politicians are good for, I am more of a actions kind of guy personally but each to their own. By the way that dress looks nice.' I said turning to the woman seated near the guy who looked ready to dive in front of her daughters as if I was going to attack them.

'I don't know how you did that but tell me what you really want and please leave my family alone.' The guy said sitting down obviously noticing his goons were not in any event going to be able to help. Though he still wisely kept a hold of the knife in his right hand.

'Jeez I just told you, I plan on taking your food. I am having a family get together and no one thought about the catering, was kind of last minute after all. Massive misuse of my abilities but what can you do when someone else crews up.'

'Mister why are your eyes golden, they look really cool.' One of the kids piped up causing her parents to look in horror as I turned towards her. Jeez how untrusting were these people?

'Magic, you should see what else I can do. But by the look of your dad he would probably freak out if I did anything actually never mind your parents this will be our secret.' I told the kid smiling before standing up and freezing the entire rest of the family. Jeez if only I had a camera to take a picture of the guys stupid expression.

The kid was now looking from her family to me with worry before her jaw hit the floor when I materialized almost a dozen golden wings on my back and gave them a small flap taking note of the fact they still hurt in places. After a brief inspection I found a suitable candidate and plucked a large feather before making them fade away again.

'Keep this our little secret, Merry Christmas kid.' I said grinning before handing it over.

'Are you an angel?' She asked stroking the metallic strands the fact she was completely mortal protected her from the razor sharp edge.

'Like hell are you! You're more of a bloody demon.' My counterpart complained inside our head.

'No kid I am far more awesome than that, ask your folks to get you a book of Greek myths, read the stories of Hercules and pretend the guy was a hundred times cooler and stronger. That is me. Anyway I need to go before my girlfriend gets angry, tell your dad to get you a McDonalds, seriously what kid wants caviar?' I told her with a grin before placing my hand on the table and letting me and it disappear into shadows only to reappear at in our room at Orthrys.

'Ta-da Dinner is served. Now all we need is some guests which is your responsibility. Better make sure it doesn't turn cold first.' I commented locking the food in time before turning control back over to my moron counterpart. Talk about over dramatizing robbing a meal. I can't believe he actually expected me to cook it at first. What in hades did I know about cooking? Ask Hestia if you want it done properly.

(Reyna)

'Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano explain what the hell is going on now!' The voice screamed out of the laptops speakers causing me to cringe at the noise bombardment.

'What do you mean your highness?' I said sarcastically as I looked into the camera at my sisters enraged face.

'How about the fact I have not heard from you in almost six months and go from there. When you left here you were supposed to be staying out of trouble. Not joining the damned hunt!' She stated hitting the table or whatever she was sitting at hard enough to snap a lump off. She clearly had the same problem as Zoe with over using her strength by accident. Though unlike Zoe hers was not natural but as a result of her girdle.

'I am staying out of trouble, or as much as as humanly possible with having Percy Jackson around. Besides hanging around other demigods a demi-Titan and two immortals is a hell of a lot safer than being on my own. So stop shouting and throwing your toys out of your pram Hylla Twice-Kill.' I told her baiting her to respond with some other stupid argument. Though we had both chosen paths to authority both of us had ended up completely different upon obtaining it. I like to think I was rational and pre-meditating in how I conducted affairs which had helped to deal with others.

Hylla just hit things until they went her way, which in a society where the strongest leads was equally effective. So it was no surprise that our relationship could be a little tenuous at times.

However to my surprise she seemed to take a deep breath and calm down. 'What is up with that anyway I thought that little shit boyfriend of yours declared he was punished by the gods for helping you kill your ex.' She said trying not to laugh as I looked at her blankly wishing they would install a throttle feature already.

'As if I would even willingly be near that piece of shit and as for Octavian… Go fuck yourself.'

'Oh sister you wound me with your words, but more importantly who taught you to lighten up. Someone has made you take that stick out your ass it seems. I kinda like the new you, less boring.'

'Glad to see all the crap I have been through in my life is making you happy.'

'I am not saying anything though you certainly look happier and judging by the home movie I saw earlier you look like you could actually be having fun. Besides you didn't answer my question what is up with Percy Jackson and the Hunt?'

'Technically or honestly?' I asked offering the politically correct version or the now abundantly obvious version.

'Both.'

'He is supposed to be here as our 'Guardian' until the hunts numbers recover from Octavian's little stunt at the end of the last war.'

'Fair enough a noble enough cause I could see him doing based on what I know of his character. But even so he is just another demigod what qualifies him to do what the hunters and a goddess cannot?'

'First question or that? Fine then back story first or it will make things confusing. Percy is not a demigod or at least he is not anymore…'

'So he is a god? And people think he is dead how?'

'Stop interrupting and I will explain, besides you are wrong he is not a god he is a Titan and not like lesser domains like the rest of the seven got from the gods. I mean powerful enough to attack Jupiter and get away with it, because he terrifies the guy.'

'Interesting suddenly I think I may have to overrule Kinzie in the claiming him if he turns up here.' She said day dreaming as if she could claim Percy as her next 'pet male'.

'I would like to see you try, besides that brings me onto the real reason he is here. He and Lady Diana are dating though you can't tell anyone yet until they announce it publicly.'

'Well he certainly doesn't aim low coming off the rebound. Certainly explains his want to shut me down earlier as I am guessing she was still in the room. So does this mean the Hunt has got rid of the whole no boy's thing?'

'No.'

'Jeez you girls need to lighten up and enjoy a bit of company, men do have some 'practical' uses. Even your goddess can apparently see that or are you still held up on that daughter of Aphrodite stealing your chance with Jason?'

'Shut up Hylla! I am not interested.' I said firmly clenching my fist and starting to breathe heavily. Ok maybe I was not completely over that yet.

'Of course you're not, then again isn't his sister Lieutenant or something like that in the hunt. Something you are not telling me little sis, no harm if you are.'

'I AM NOT A LESBIAN!' I screamed at the screen only to find her smiling back at me.

'Someone's getting awfully aggressive over it.' She said mockingly.

'Haven't you got a slave boy to whip or something or some merchandise to ship because I think we are done here. Speak to you in a decade.' I said coldly scrolling across to the end call function.

'One last thing then little sis. Merry Christmas.' She said dropping all tones of sarcasm and mockery and I remembered back several decades when everything was a lot easier when we were kids and didn't have to worry about the problems we had now.

'You too sis. Speak to you soon.' I said cracking a smile as I hit end call and the smiling Amazon Queen's face vanished.

As much as she could wind me up, it was still the little things that reminded me she was the only real family I had left. The thing was now I was immortal it meant that one day I would be truly alone which was something I didn't like to consider as I closed the lid and rested my head on the warm plastic surface for a second.

No I would never be alone. I had a new family now, they may not be blood like she was but they were every bit as dysfunctional as the real deal and that was probably what added that extra bit of weight to the concept. Families were not perfectly happy environments where everyone got along. Occasionally there were arguments and disagreements and maybe one or more attempted murders within people in love but at the end of the day. All you could do is forgive them and maybe call them a idiot a few times. I thought as I stood up and walked out of the room.

'So anything you didn't want the whole house to hear? Because I think anyone in the backyard didn't hear your declaration.' Thalia said from my right leaning up against the hallway wall besides the door.

'Errrrrr.' I stuttered feeling my face heat up.

'Don't worry about it Warrior girl, besides let's see what everyone else is getting up to.' She explained grabbing my arm and leading me down the corridor towards the stairs. To my surprise someone had located a box of basic decorations and most of the other girls were in the process of making the lounge look as tacky as possible. The stuff looked ancient and I guessed it must have been one of my predecessors that had been shoved in the cupboard under the stairs and forgotten about for years.

Still it was the thought that counts and it did the job of making the place less well… dead and lifeless. For the first time since I moved in the room actually looked like someone lived in it.

'You might want to look out… never mind too late.' Amy said grinning at the pair of us.

'Huh?' We both asked as one.

'Look up.' Suzie answered digging her head out of a dog eared cardboard box that was evidently the source of the decorations and the offending item.

'Oh come on who seriously puts that up in a house full of ninety percent girls?'

'Someone who thinks she can get a kiss from Percy.' Suzie muttered causing Amy to turn beetroot red.

'That's it I am going to burn it.' Thalia declared reaching for the mistletoe.

'No not until you do the tradition.' Amy said defensively.

'Oh for gods sake. I knew there was a reason I hate Aphrodite kids.' Thalia muttered.

'Jokes on you, Venus for the win, sucks to be you sis.' Suzie declared. I wanted to mention how both aspects were pretty much useless but it decided to keep that to myself.

'I can't believe I am going to do this.' Thalia muttered causing me to look towards her just as she had been about to put a peck on my cheek to satisfy the love twins. Instead she ended up making contact with something else as we both looked each other in the eyes in surprise whilst two idiots squealed in excitement as we both hurriedly pulled apart.

'Right then I think I speak for the pair of us when I say this needs to be destroyed ASAP.' Thalia said quickly jumping and grabbing the mistletoe before it caused anymore problems.

'Err. Yeah likewise I think there must be something flammable in this house.' I said leading her towards the kitchen, sure I saw some white spirit or something like that under the sink. Do something to occupy my mind that was all I needed to do.

But the truth was I hadn't actually minded the sensation.

(Zoe)

The thing is when you spend three years in the stars the view from the moon becomes rather boring after a while and once Lady Diana was gone. I was truthfully very quickly becoming bored especially as the vast majority of the world below was either uninhabited ocean or was obscured by cloud.

Thankfully I had the book Tania had given me which was sandwiched in between the food I had brought with me in my pack.

As I brought it out and looked at it closer I understood why she was suddenly so keen to get rid of it.

Once I read the first line and found it quoting Shakespeare that I knew I was thoroughly the butt of some joke.

I mean seriously what crap was this to begin with.

'These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder which, as they kiss, consume.'

I had been given a damned Sparkly Vampire love story.

My only salvation was that I hopefully got collected first thing in the morning as this was gonna be a looooong night.

(Percy)

'Well then bright spark how are you gonna sort out this situation?' Perseus commented sarcastically as I sat in the lounge of my mum and Paul's apartment, where they were distinctly absent. Something I had not planned on happening and just to add further worries. I was running out of time due to someone's decision to not only break and enter but also stay for a chat and magic show.

Now a normal mortal person would have just whipped out their phone and given my mum a call and found out where she was. But I am not and because I generally couldn't use phones never bothered to learn her number meaning I couldn't use the landline.

Well I guess I didn't have the whole monster/phone issue anymore. Seeing as it would probably resort in a mass exodus of them away from me out of fear now, perhaps I would invest in one at some point.

'Sod it time to cheat. Iris goddess of rainbows show me Sally Jackson.' I called out flicking a drachma at a sheet of water I summoned causing the coin to dissolve as the water darkened revealing an image of my mother…. Four doors down the hallway and approaching fast causing me to immediately cancel the message.

'Well that was a waste of cash.' Perseus commented and I had to agree as I stood up and walked to the door opening it and scaring the crap out of my mum and Paul. Wasn't too surprising I guess you don't normally expect you're front door to open when no one else has a key or should be inside.

'Oh Percy you almost gave me a heart attack.' Paul said getting over the shock.

'Yeah sorry about that I had expected you to be home when I got here. Merry Christmas by the way.' I told them cheerfully before stepping inside and allowing the trio inside my mum holding Andromeda's hand as the toddler tried to run inside before she wrangled her out of winter coat and rubber boots.

'Good to see you too Percy, you have actually dressed up for once… No Artemis?' My mum said stepping on her tip toes to kiss my cheek before looking around and noting me being alone.

'About that, what are you doing for the rest of the day?'

'Well we were booked to go to a restaurant for dinner why?' My mum said looking from me to Paul and back again.

'Fancy a trip to California for dinner with me, the girls and Leto?'

'Why do I get the feeling this is more than just a Christmas dinner Perseus?'

'Ok you got me. There is some news I would like to share as well.'

'How come you are not inviting your father?'

'Because then I would have to invite Zeus and things will get real awkward real quick, I don't think he likes me.' I explained with a chuckle that was putting things a little lightly after all.

'I guess the old man found out then, did he not take it well then?' Paul said putting two and two together.

'That would be an understatement, but I can explain that at my place if you want to come.'

'One condition who cooked the food and don't say you because I know how your food turns out.' My mum said causing me to laugh.

'I provided the food but someone else cooked it for me.' Well it wasn't a lie though technically the chef cooked it for someone else.

'Good enough. I hope you are not planning on flying us there.'

'Don't worry about that, though if you want to grab anything now would be the time. Andromeda might need something to do while we talk. My place is not exactly child friendly.' I explained looking down at my sister who was hugging my mum's leg.

'I'll grab a bunch of toys for her; she will probably just go for a nap anyway. She has been running around all morning already.' Paul explained before heading towards my old/Andromeda's room.

'So I take it the reason you didn't invite your father is so you didn't make Paul feel awkward.' My mum whispered once we were alone.

'Sort of but he already knows everything we are going to discuss as it kind of became a subject of contention at the winter solstice meeting unexpectedly.'

'So how is Leto? She never really appeared in the myths apart from when her twins were born and the whole Python incident.'

'She's a lot like you I guess, though who got the short end of the stick would be up for debate. You got me; she got Apollo besides both of you love telling stories. Seeing a grown goddess blush in embarrassment is a major highlight from any visit.' I explained.

'My stories aren't embarrassing are they?' She asked innocently.

'…'

'Well there was that one time when you were a baby…' She began with a smile as I groaned before becoming thankful as Paul returned with a small hold all.

'So how are we getting there exactly?' He asked.

'Just grab a hold of each other tightly and make sure you have a grip of Andromeda.' I explain as they quickly complied with Paul picking up my sister who buried her head in his shoulder so only her short curly black hair was visible.

'Right then I hope you like Rollercoaster's.' I said laughing as I put my hand on my mum's shoulder and engulfed us all in shadows.

'Please don't make me do that again.' Paul complained leaning up against a wall as soon as my mum relieved him of Andromeda, who contrary to her father's pale look was smiling from ear to ear.

'You get used to it, but when I take you back I will just flash you there. Bit easier on the stomach.' I told him as he straightened out and joined my mum at looking around the room in wonder.

'Our entire apartment could fit in your lounge.' He explained looking from one side of the room to the other and to be honest he was probably right.

'What can I say other than I think I earned it after the stuff I had to go through.
Yet I still end up spending my time in a tent in the woods. Besides most of my fellow Titans remain in their natural size so the place has to be large, whereas I prefer everything to be normal. Gives me more room for other stuff. Bathroom is through that door over there.' I said pointing it out.

'The gold is a little ostentatious don't you think?' My mum said pointing at a gold bust of my father.

'Compared to Apollo that is nothing, besides it was only ten Drachmas more than the marble one. Can I get you anything to drink the others aren't due here until half one, so we quarter of an hour to kill.' I explained.

'But it was after four? Oh right different time zone, wow this takes some getting used to. Coffee please if you have it.' Paul answered while my mum merely shook her head and settled on looking around.

'The ceiling looks so real. It is like the stars are actually out.' He commented taking note of the darkened ceiling.

'That's because it is a real time image of the sky above without being affected by other sources of light.' I explained making my way over to the kitchen area. I could have probably just summoned the drink but truthfully I didn't want to appear I was misusing my powers. As cool as Paul was about the whole what I really was thing, it must have still been rather disconcerting to have a son-in-law who could be classified as a walking weapon of mass destruction amongst other things.

'What's your favorite constellation then?'

'Well to avoid her kicking the crap out of me I would have to say the huntress.' I explained in deadpan pointing at the slightly dimmer than before representation of the demi-Titan. I guess now she was no longer in the heavens, the constellation appeared slightly dimmer as a result.

'That's the new one they discovered a few years back isn't it? Wait you sound as if was a real person?'

'Oh Zoe Nightshade was and is a very real person all right. She was Artemis's former Lieutenant before Thalia, who died when I helped her rescue Artemis from Atlas, her father by the way. Point is the whole death thing didn't quite turn out how we expected it and she sort of cheated the system and now she is back. She is babysitting the moon tonight so Artemis and Diana can both be here.'

'Because that makes complete sense.' He responded shaking his head in disbelief.

'Yeah I wasn't exactly expecting it either, didn't help she ended up punching me halfway through a building.' I added finishing the drink and handing it to him just in time to see my mum walk back into the room dragging a reluctant Andromeda who wanted to go back the other way.

'You can play in the water another time.' She said calmly trying to reassure the child who was having none of it.

'Look Sis FISH.' I said walking over and getting on one knee and pointing towards the wall length fish tank and causing her to shift attention from the pool to a safer large body of water as my mum let her go as she hurriedly ran towards it and began pounding on the toughened glass. Never underestimate the power of Nemo on a toddler.

'So I noticed the food, isn't that going to be cold?' My mum asked taking her eye off the amazed child.

'Not until I decide it can, you could freeze the room and it would stay hot. I have frozen it in time until we are ready to eat.'

'That sounds like the most mundane use of being able to control time I can think of.' Paul commented.

'No that is laundry and clothing repairs. Anytime they get affected by anything the automatically revert to the state they were before.' I explained laughing while my mum looked at me as if to say seriously this is what you get up to now.

'Don't look at me like that, I had a lot of free time when I first came here. There is a reason I went and got a job.'

'Oh the problems of immortality weigh heavily on us mere mortals.' My mum said sarcastically.

'Every time I offered to make it so you don't have to work anymore you refused.' I pointed out.

'And the answer is still the same, besides you are proof that having free time is mind numbingly boring.' She explained and I nodded wearily. The thing was I guess I was making the same mistake my dad had offered her years ago. To take care of everything for her and put her on a pedestal as we thought she deserved. But to her it just wasn't what she wanted and we could not force the issue.

'Where did the cat just come from?' Paul asked looking blankly across the room where a golden feline had mysterious appeared stalking towards the dinner table.

'Oh no you don't. You are on a diet remember.' I said running forward and scooping the protesting cub up.

'Oh right you have never met Nemea. Meet the newest addition to my eclectic menagerie of animals. Though technically she is actually a monster I suppose.'

'Nemea…You have got the Nemean Lion…ess as a pet. Why does that not surprise me, First a Pegasus, then a hellhound, though I can safely say she is cuter and not large enough to wreck the room.' My mum said raising an eyebrow before stroking the cubs cheek before I hurriedly put the heavy lump down.

'What can I say collecting weird things is a hobby, though don't let this little monster confuse you. She could probably defeat most of this places inhabitants if she wanted. Those shiny claws are not just for show.' I explained putting her down.

'What do you mean shiny?' Paul asked looking at the cub in confusion.

'Her claws are made out of what looks like gold you probably can't see it through the mist. Don't worry about it.' My mum said reassuringly and explaining what he was missing.

'Kitttty!' A soft voice shouted out before a small figure barreled across the room and grabbed the cub in a tight embrace. I was about to get worried about Nemea's flailing paws accidentally hacking my little sister to pieces when I watched a bare claw pass clean through her skin without making contact. The same way Celestial Bronze did on mortals.

I had mortal proofed Nemea.

Well unless she grew larger and sat on someone… Or ate them, her teeth weren't Imperial Gold after all.

'Well now we are in for it, she is never going to let go now.' My mum commented.

Fortunately the frantic feline saved us the effort and disappeared out of her arms only to reappear behind me across the room in her bed before glowing gold and supersizing herself catching the adults attention who had been looking at the girl cradling nothing.

'Ok neat trick, explain that one.'

'Truthfully I honestly don't know for certain, if I had to guess I would say she keeps absorbing powers from me to affect her own body and make her stronger.'

'Look at the big kitty. Nemea play nice and I might feed you what's left.' I told her reassuringly after pointing the child at her.

'Is that safe?' Paul asked worried for his daughters safety around a SUV sized monster lioness.

'Promise her food and she will let you do anything except bath her, besides her fur is remarkably soft considering its hardness. I am more concerned with how she got here, as she should be with the hunters, unless.' I explained before curiosity hit me and I turned towards the door just in time to catch it opening.

'Calm down the pair of you, He is just trying to annoy you.' A calm women's voice could be heard before it finished opening revealing a familiar Titaness, her twin and most importantly two crimson faced armed look-a-like auburn haired goddesses. Both of which looked like they wanted to murder someone. (Three guesses who).

Atlas aside I couldn't help but stare at Artemis and Diana and what they were wearing. I had actually only been expecting them to share a body and alternate but this would do either way. Besides I had actually been half joking when I suggested she get changed though, I never expected her to actually go and do it.

'For a goddess who never had any interest in getting men's attention until you came along and spent most of her time as a child. She certainly seems to have collected a lot of clothes that do the opposite unless she wanted to be considered jail bait and I would be ok with that.' Perseus commented and I had to agree he had a point because the goddesses in front of me were outright radiant.

Diana had a floor length silver gown that had a deep V in both the front and back showing a generous amount of her gorgeous pale toned skin whilst her counterpart had settled for a shorter dress that only covered one shoulder and hugged her figure before ending at a slant just above her left knee and below her right. The only thing ruining the image was the fact they were both armed to the teeth.

Eventually though both of them turned towards back towards the room and me before electing that Atlas-acide could wait for the time being.

'A-hum. Your catching flies dear.' My mum commented to her husband who was staring at the arrivals with an open mouth which he hurriedly fixed looking noticeably embarrassed.

I was sure I was probably doing the same thing but the difference was I was totally allowed to do it and that was what made it all the more awesome.

'Well Seaweed Brain are you going to show us in or what?' Diana commented losing the knives and crossing her arms expectantly as I hurriedly decided to remedy the situation and practically launched myself across the room.

'You both look beautiful.' I commented truthfully kissing both of them on the cheek. The thing was because of their shoes they were both actually taller than me now by an inch or two.

'You don't scrub up to bad yourself when you put the effort in.' Artemis responded looking me over appraisingly.

'On that we can agree, so what do you think? You like it?' Diana added before doing a quick spin and showing me what the back looked like.'

'I would like it more if it was left on the floor on the way to the bedroom.' Perseus remarked through imaginarily gritted teeth inside my head.

'errrrrrrrr.'

'Awww you say the cutest things. Now come on then I believe introductions are in order.' She said smiling causing me to clamp my mouth shut so I did not look like a drooling idiot.

'As your son seems to have been rendered mute for the moment. Sally, Paul may I care to introduce you to my Mother Leto Titaness of Demurity and protector of the young and my uncle Lelantos who is totally not hiding from my grandmother for keeping secrets.'

'Hey I am not hiding; I am just merely evading the topic for a while. Nice to meet you by the way.' He argued before getting back on point and bending forward a little and bowing towards them. Which drew my attention for the absence of a mass of bronze on his back. this was actually the first time I had ever seen him without his signature wings. Well that and in human form he was far shorter than me around five foot six if he was luck as compared to his sister who was only a inch shorter than her daughter(s) despite the fact she was wearing flat shoes. Clearly Lelantos got the literal short end of the stick.

'Now now dear play nice, if you want I can always fetch my parents and we can have my father glowering the whole evening.' Leto remarked laughing causing me to cough uncomfortably. Clearly Koios had yet to get over our little announcement.

'It is a pleasure to meet you, I have always been curious about the woman who could tame the god of the seas and produce such a fine young gentleman.' Leto then added turning towards my mum who proceeded to blush at the compliment.

'At least I did not have the misfortune of being chased around a country by a giant snake to which I can be thankful. Besides I only had to put up with one at the time.'

'My second born was and still is… difficult. But what can a mother do but smile and wave and encourage them to get back up every time they fall down.'

'Hell of a flight of stairs he keeps falling down.' Artemis muttered so that I could barely hear.

'Mine is currently manhandling what she probably thinks is a giant stuffed toy which I am going to have to convince her she cannot keep. I know what you are coming from.' My mum explained causing Leto to chuckle as she saw the little girl sitting on Nemea's head and pulling on the lioness's ears while she futilely tried to cover her face with her paws to no avail.

'Then she is braver than my brother.'

'I merely know what that cat is capable of thank you, cats play with captured birds and pull their feathers out.' Lelantos defended in embarrassment.

'Well seeing as we are all here, we can talk now or have something to eat.' I proposed pointing at the stolen banquet table. Only for every girl in the room to start making their way towards it with Artemis and Diana looping their arms through mine and practically dragging me with them.

'Ok idiot what gives? Where did you get this?' Artemis whispered so only the three of us could hear.

'You wouldn't believe me if I told you, I will let him explain his crack potted plan after everyone is gone.' I explained though in fairness it was probably on every news channel around the world by now.

'Judging by the fact the food looks edible I can safely assume my daughter had nothing to do with cooking any of it.' Leto said laughing as the girls on my arms, stuck out their tongues in childish defiance of their mother's jab.

'Sit where you want then and we can get this show on the road.' I explained before immediately getting thrust into a chair between the two goddesses who were then flanked by our mothers to provide a buffer zone from any other male contact. Which was good because from my seat beside her, I totally had a view of most of Diana's chest with an added amount of side boob for good measure.

Sorry Arty but Diana totally won that competition. Sex factor out trumped her more conservative look.

Unfortunately my lingering eyes served to get some unwelcome attention as Artemis proceed to sharply poke me in the side causing me to turn and find a pair of glaring silver eyes. That told me everything I needed to know. Eyes front which I quickly followed though not missing the fact Diana was smirking at her counterpart's jealousy.

'I think the honor of cutting the Turkey goes to you Percy.' Paul announced, sure it was not exactly a traditional Christmas dinner. Well the food was the people eating it not so much, but there was still some things we could go properly. And as host I guess it was my job to carve the bird.

However despite the table filled with food, plates and cutlery there was one thing missing. Because it had been in its original owners hand and there was nothing else visible that would do the job properly.

'Arty can I borrow a knife?' I asked quietly earning raised eyebrow before she merely flicked her hand in a circle and summoned one of her never ending supply of sharp instruments before tossing it over in her hand and catching the point and handing me it handle first.

'So she can give us a knife without chucking it at us…Who knew?' Perseus commented dryly as I turned my attention towards the large roasted bird.

(Artemis)

I couldn't help but cringe as Percy butchered the poor bird and it was abundantly clear, that this was yet another skill I was going to teach him to stop him being an embarrassment to our joint domain. Seriously it is cutting meat off a bone, it is not difficult.

'Percy stop and put the poor bird back together again and let someone else do it. Hacking up monsters feel free to do what you want, but not the meal because I think we all plan on eating some of it and not what you throwing across the table.' Diana said beating me to the punch causing the flustered Titan to look at her in betrayal which lasted as long as it took for her to bat her eyelids.

'Was it really that bad?' He asked innocently.

'Yes.' Everyone agreed simultaneously.

'Oh sorry, who wants this?' He asked dejectedly holding up the knife while the turkey put itself back together again magically.

'Pass it here and let me show you how it is done, just like everything else.' I told him standing up and retrieving my knife from his grasp. I was really not dressed for this but the idiot could clean my dress if it got dirty.

'While I do this you may as well help yourselves to everything else.' I instructed them all.

'Who wants a glass of wine?' Percy asked indicating the chilled bucket in the centre of the table.

'Maybe it will drown out the horror of what I just witnessed.' Lelantos said mockingly.

'Who invited you again?' Percy countered grinning grabbing the bottle and stripping the foil off the top and pulling out the cork.

'Percy you are still not old enough technically.' Sally pointed out more as a matter of fact than as a warning.

'I guess I will have to take that up with the President next time I see him.' Percy commented with his head still down as he filled the glasses though I saw the flash of gold in his eyes signifying who had really spoken.

Wait.

'You have got to be kidding me.' I whispered getting his attention causing him to suddenly look fearful before giving that stupid smile of his. Confirming my suspicions about where this meal had really come from. We were going to be having words later on.

(Percy)

Thankfully the meal itself past relatively quickly and uneventfully with the sole exception of Artemis glaring at me every so often, after Perseus had given the game away about where he had got it.

Had to give the guy credit it was really damned tasty compared to my usual diet.

But there was no way in hell I was breaking back into Camp David to give my compliments to the chef.

Yep Perseus had invaded the home of the President of the United States, attacked the secret service, trash talked the guy before immobilizing him and the first family whilst chatting to his kid before stealing his family Christmas dinner.

And he wondered why I thought he was insane.

No wonder I had already gone through three glasses of wine, I had to numb the headache I knew was coming when Artemis got through with the pair of us. The good thing was I could just cause the bottle to refill whenever it ran out which was a good because it had seven people drinking it rather than the intended two.

Andromeda had also finally decided to join us after Nemea managed to convince the child she really was a over sized plush toy, so she had ended up sitting on my mum's lap and eating bits of her meal which seemed to make her happy.

'So Percy what did you want to announce?' My mum asked once everyone had finished eating.

'You know how Artemis is pregnant…turns out so is Diana.' I said simply earning a blank look in return.

(Diana)

Dear gods he could be an idiot, he had all the subtlety of a kick to the head. No wonder the two mortals were both looking at him unmoving.

'What?' Sally finally asked after a deep breath.

'We are both pregnant.' I repeated gesturing towards my counterpart on the other side of the idiot.

'Percy how could you be so stupid! How did you not learn your lesson after the first time.' Sally snapped surprisingly causing the Titan to flinch at the surprising reprimand.

'But… mum…' Percy stammered nervously.

'Sally please do not jump to conclusions, I am sure he has an explanation.' Paul said calmly and I had to be thankful for the mortals help. Wasn't the guy a teacher from what I had been told, he was probably used to hearing excuses I suppose. Though this was a little different from where is your homework?

'Sally please let me explain before you blame anyone. The truth is I have been pregnant since the same time as Artemis I just never realised because of her own pregnancy. In fact of it wasn't for Apollo I probably still would not know now. So it is essentially still Aphrodite's fault.' I explained calmly taking the heat off Percy as he seemed to still be unable to respond.

'Why can't things ever be simple with you Percy?' She finally commented after a few moments and taking another deep breath and a slight shake of her head.

'If you think that is bad, you should hear the rest. Perseus say hi.' Artemis remarked prompting an instant change in the guy between us.

'Hi mum!' Perseus remarked excitedly resulting in a confused face on the woman in question.

'Drop the act and stop playing innocent you idiot.' Artemis said looking at the smiling aspect.

'I don't understand what act?' He asked innocently smiling.

'The point my counterpart is trying to make is your son has a split personality aspect like Artemis and myself, who nine times out of ten is a complete assh-. A little difficult.' I corrected noting the child present who seemed to be paying attention.

'So your saying Percy has schizophrenia? I could have told you that years ago.' Sally mused causing Perseus to pout.

'But mummm.'

'Be quiet and change back, the adults are talking.' Artemis commanded causing him to tut in disapproval.

'You're just jealous because she looks better than you do.' He retorted playfully pointing at me, before changing back as Artemis looked ready to attack him, meanwhile I couldn't help but smile at the comment. Sure he was annoying but flattery might eventually get him somewhere. Other than impaled on my knife.

'So can you do the whole splitting in two like you two can?' Paul asked pointing at me and Artemis.

'Unfortunately not, well fortunately in Perseus's case otherwise he would probably have been killed about a hundred times already by one of the three of us. No he is mostly just this annoying voice in my head, with some even more stupid ideas than what I could hope to come up with. Most of them revolve around killing things.' Percy explained with a sigh.

'Is this something all immortals go through?' Paul asked more aimed at my mother and uncle.

'No while we Titans for the most part got different names because of the Romans we never developed the split personality to go with it because we were not worshipped in the same way as the gods, we were for the most part the proverbial bad guys so to speak. As far as it goes Perseus is unique in that regards.' Lelantos explained looking up from his glass of wine.

'Oh he is most certainly special.' Percy muttered only for his eyes to twitch before Perseus reconsidered whatever he was going to say, which considering he was flanked by me and Artemis was probably a good thing.

'I heard he caused quite a stir on Olympus though.' Lelantos commented.

'Hey I was just defending myself!' Perseus claimed innocently.

'Yes because repeatedly punching my father in the face is defending yourself.' I explained sarcastically.

'Hey he started it throwing that firecracker of his, besides you can't talk you stabbed Aphrodite!' He argued back narrowing his eyes.

'I thought you/he died and it was all her fault!'

'Yeah what a great idea, almost as good as him being the idiot he is and proposing, to cheer you up!' He declared causing me to glare at him as he hurriedly realised what he had sent and wisely decided to beat a tactical retreat and change back.

'Haha… surprise!' Percy added goofily turning towards his mother.

(Percy)

'You are such a moron.' I cursed internally to my loud mouthed alter ego.

'Hey she started it, besides you were going to tell them that next anyway, I was just laying all the cards on the table.'

'No you started it, just like you always start it.'

'And you always switch off from your surroundings when we have these little chats dumbass.' He said laughing as I hurriedly snapped back to the real world.

'Wait for it…and he's back.' Artemis said dryly from my right as I noticed everyone staring at me causing me to look nervously between them.

'You really need to pay attention to your surrounding rather than that idiot.' Diana commented shaking her head.

'Percy did you have something you wanted to announce?' My mother asked with a small smile causing me to take a deep breath and stand up in preparation.

'Everyone. We are getting married.' I announced only to have Artemis and Diana rise on both sides of me and loop their arms through mine.

'Ok shows over, everyone can leave now, to the bedroom!' Perseus announced in my head mockingly.

'My sympathise dears.' My mum said sadly in contrast to the grin that was plastered on her face as she failed to say it seriously.

'Thank you we are taking one for the team so to speak.' Diana replied laughing.

'Wow you make it sound like staying around me is a bad thing.' I complained weakly.

'For your sanity it totally is.' Artemis remarked.

'Chaos does seem to follow you.' Diana added.

'He's yours now, no refunds.' My Mum finished causing all three to laugh.

'Cheer up Seaweed Brain, despite all your many flaws and a reeeeeaaaalllllly annoying lodger in your head. We all still love you and don't you forget it.' Diana said before kissing me on the cheek only for her counterpart to do the same on the other side.

'One down, one to go. Now if only Apollo would finally settle down.' Leto said cheerfully smiling at the three of us.

'Congratulations all three of you.' Paul toasted holding his glass up. At least someone was taking this seriously.

'Thank you; see someone likes me for who I am.' I said happily.

'Well I don't know about that my life used to be so simple after all.' He retorted causing me to sigh in defeat.

'I can really feel the love in this family, might as well invite the old mans and let them have a go.'

'Glad to see everyone appreciates me for who I am and hopefully our children will not inherit to many of my apparently very long list of flaws. The next year is going to be very interesting for all of us I should think. To Family.' I said grabbing my glass and holding it air.

'To Family!' Everyone else did before taking a drink.

To think this dysfunctional family was going to grow larger.

I couldn't wait.

'Why does my head hurt?' Perseus asked his head seemingly booming in my head as I slowly opened my eyes revealing the darkened scene of my bedroom ceiling above me.

'Whose idea was the drinking ga—Oww.' I whispered to myself only to feel a sharp pain in my sides as I finally noticed the other occupants of the room and their weight on my arms.

'Too loud.' One complained as I looked at the Auburn haired beauty to my left before looking at the other and realising I was in a conundrum. Artemis's hair had obviously come out of its ponytail and now I honestly had no idea which was which. Clothes were no use because boths dresses were absent and were it not for a pair of borrowed shirts and some silver panties the two were naked. Well there was a positive at least as I gazed at the generous figure of their bare legs laying across my own.

Thankfully I had remained a bit more of my clothes or at least my bottom half, I had no idea what had happened to my shirt but pants were still present and accounted for.

'No one's pregnant are they this time?' I chuckled quietly only for a pair of eyelids to open and the silver eyes within began to glare at me promising pain. Well judging by aggressiveness I had successfully worked out who was who.

'Sorry Ar-iana.' I corrected realising my mistake as the Roman goddess's glare intensified at my mistake. Apparently alcohol made even the (relatively) calm one aggressive.

'Arianna... I like it, now shut up kelp head.' The one on my other side mused before commanding.

'Wanna see something funny. Look what ten thousand years does to a piece of fabric.' Perseus remarked playfully before seizing control and causing the garments on their top half to disintegrate.

This gave me about three seconds of viewing time as the hungover goddesses realised what had changed and who was responsible.

'Have fun!' He said laughing only to fall short as I refused to take control of our body back. He dug this hole he could get out of it.

Besides I could think of worse ways to die than being beaten to death by half naked extremely attractive twin goddesses armed with pillows. Besides I had an amazing view of the show, well until Perseus curled up into a ball and screamed like a girl.

(Zoe)

'So...mind...numbingly...bored...Stupid...Sparkly...Vampires...Die...Book...Die...So...Hungry...Milady...Where...The...Hell...Are...You?' I thought to myself for close to the thousandth time.

She was late, no correct that she was very late. It was now close to 11AM PST which meant I had been here alone for almost twenty-two hours in which time I had been reduced to reading what could best be described as printed toilet paper. My only consolidation was that it was now hopefully settling in the Marianas Trench where no one would ever find it.

Even the view of Europe below had long since become boring mostly because people were obviously having fun and I wasn't.

After a few more minutes of nothingness I finally felt something change as I turned around and found the three sorriest looking immortals I had ever seen. With one looking a bit more bedraggled than his female companions.

'About time!' I shouted only for all three to cringe at the noise.

'Lower the volume please.' Diana asked gesturing with her hand to bring it down a level. As I looked over the two goddesses it was clear she was distracted judging by the fact she had not even attempted to straighten out her outfits.

'I would ask whose fault it was but that is rather obvious.' I said glaring at the golden eyed figure in the middle noting the complete absence of sea-green around the pupils.

'Stupid thieving girls, stupid idiot in head, stupid hangover.' He cursed quietly only to get double slapped around the back of the head causing him to whine in pain.

'Ok I'll bite what did you take from him?' I asked the goddesses who smiled in satisfaction.

'Nothing much.' Diana said quietly drawing a watch out of her pocket and transforming it into a very recognisable steel and Celestial Bronze blade.

'Give me that back!' Perseus demanded reaching for it only to get knocked back by a light blow to the chest from a black shield that appeared on Artemis's arm.

'I don't know what you are talking about you let me use them after all, though I do like them so we might keep a hold of them.' Artemis mocked causing the Titan to pout.

'Sorry about the delay but we were teaching someone that stealing is bad.' Diana explained holding the sheathed sword away from it's owner.

'What could he have possibly taken, other than a certain someone's maidenhood? I asked smiling only for both of them to glare in response.

'Not funny and technically that wasn't him thank gods and you can find out by reading the news.' Diana replied cryptically.

'Didn't see you complaining at the time.'

'Yeah and that is all you are good for at the moment, other than making a great punching bag. Are you going to remember the rules this time?' Artemis asked him causing him to reluctantly nod and look away.

'Good boy. You ready to go Zoe?' Diana mocked before turning to me and collapsing the sword back down and putting it back on her wrist. Before her counterpart did the same I could have sworn I saw what looked like my own constellation on its face but I would need to check that again later.

'I was ready six hours ago.' I replied sarcastically raising an eyebrow.

'Good because let's go see what your sisters have got up to.' Well New Rome was still standing and not on fire at 6AM when I last checked so hopefully nothing major.

AN. And I am back, believe it or not guys I have a life, just because I do not upload for two weeks does not mean I am abandoning the story. I do have a job to do as well as this, so calm down and stop with the messages about it I am not abandoning you anytime soon like a few certain stories on my own reading list. Also why do guests ask questions you cannot respond to?

First things first. Reyna x Thalia. You decide I can have it go either way depending on peoples opinion. Yes I have expressed my 'displeasure' over the whole Nico fiasco in the past in canonicity and have retconned it in this with someone who I think everyone knows now. But in truth I have always been tempted to do these two since I introduced Reyna to the hunt. If she could not get one Grace she can try and get the other one.

In truth I had difficulty with the whole mortal talking to immortal side of the family and will probably flash back to it in the future or have it part mentioned now and then. Besides I felt it was becoming bloated as a chapter.

I would like to give special thanks to the First Family for their delicious dinner, I don't know about stateside but McDonalds is open in UK on Christmas day so hopefully they didn't starve. Though it gave me a scene of Perseus both being a jackass like usual and yet showing a friendly side to Natasha Obama.

In complete contrast to that Pet the dog moment from him is the upcoming kick the dog scene which I am oh so looking forward to writing. As someone put it in the last chapters reviews #Herecomesthepain.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and review, I am always open to suggestions on how to ruin a Praetors day and remember aisles one through three are in the splash zone.