Chapter Two
Bloodlust
"Just let me do it my way, Damon." Stefan argued as he was walking around his room, packing a bag. "Starting her on animal blood is the smart way to go." He continued.
"That's garbage! You name one vampire that has survived on animal blood alone. She's a baby vamp, Stef. The bloodlust will eventually take over and when it does, you'll be calling me to get rid of all the drained corpses." Damon couldn't help but chuckle as he pictured a devastated Stefan trying to control his ripper girlfriend. He swayed back in the desk chair waiting for Stefan's response.
"I won't let it get that far." Stefan replied, making eyes to Damon.
"You're delusional. Ignoring the bloodlust isn't gonna magically help her control the bloodlust. Of all vampires, you should understand that the most." Damon took a dramatic pause and got to his feet. "She needs to drink from the vein, it's the only way she'll learn."
"We're doing my way, Damon. Elena agreed to the animal blood." Stefan said, trying to bring the conversation to an end.
A confused look fell over Damon's face. "I'm sorry, but I recall you begging me to stay for this exact reason!" Damon replied with a snap. Stefan just stared down his brother, not wanting this to turn into a physical confrontation. But Damon didn't care, he only exhaled and gave his brother a light grin.
"Whatever, Stef. It's not like I care anyway." Damon lets out as he passed his brother, nudging his shoulder. "Don't be calling me for body disposal." He smirked before leaving the room.
Elena, having heard most of the exchange between them from downstairs because of her new vampire hearing, she entered Stefan's room, almost bumping into Damon.
Damon just coldly looked into her eyes. "Say hi to Bambi for me." He smirked darkly at her before leaving the room. Elena wanted to pull Damon back, they still hadn't talked about anything, in fact their last interaction was the phone call. But she thought against it at that moment, it wasn't the right time, and Stefan didn't need to hear it.
"No doubt you heard all that?" Stefan said.
"Yeah, the amplified hearing is weird." Elena replied, tucking her hair back. "Is Damon right, about the bloodlust?" She continued, flashing concern on her features. "I can't hurt people, Stefan."
"You won't." He replied as he picked up his bag, taking her hand and leading out of his room, heading for the woods behind the Salvatore property.
"Damon." Liz interrupted him at the Grill while in the middle of his seventh drink or maybe it was his thirteenth?
"Come to enjoy a drink with me." He smiled before turning to face her.
"It's ten o'clock." She puts him down. "There was an explosion at the Young farm last night, twelve people were killed." She explained. "The same night you were there."
"I don't care about the council Liz, but I didn't do it, I don't like wasting food." His smile stayed in place.
"Those people were my friends, Damon." Liz defended.
"Well, your friends tried to kill your daughter." Damon's face straightened as he brought his drink to his lips.
"Sheriff Forbes?" A tall bald man approached the two at the bar. Liz was pulled away by him, so Damon ignored it at went back to his sweet bourbon. An hour later Elena entered the Grill, seeking out Damon. She wanted to talk to him about everything but there was something more urgent.
"Are you the next one to interrupt my day of drinking?" Damon spoke before Elena could take the stool next to him. She didn't reply. She had drunk from a deer which was horrible enough, but she couldn't keep it down either. All she kept thinking about was the horrible taste and the feeling of animal fur being pushed between her teeth. It made her sick, literally.
Now she felt lost and confused. Without bringing up the issue of blood to Stefan, protecting him from himself, she sought out Damon. "Hello!" Damon waved at her, bringing her back from her concerns. "Deer blood tastes bad, doesn't it?" He huffed humorously.
"Yeah, something's wrong. I…I couldn't keep it down." She said in a hushed voice.
"Huh, Oh my god! Damon was right." He let out in a mock voice, shaking his head.
"I need your help." She asked in a soft tone.
"Why doesn't your boyfriend do that?" Damon replied in a voice that can only be described as emotionless.
"It's blood, Damon. I know what it can do to Stefan." She turned her body to him.
"Drained bodies and flying limbs everywhere." Damon chuckled at her, his words sending a chill up Elena's spine.
"Don't joke about it, Damon." She chided, giving him a narrowed look. "But that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid." Elena knew Stefan had been the one to teach Caroline when she turned. She knew he could handle it but thinking about what happened the past few months, with Klaus and his ripper alter ego. She had too many doubts and concerns to take this issue to him.
Damon knew bloodlust and control, it was a smart play, even Stefan had to understand that.
"Just pick somebody and have lunch." He said, swirling around on his stool, gesturing to all the customers in the restaurant.
"No, I can't. I don't want to hurt anyone, Damon." She refused and he let out a rough exhale and turned back to his drink, rolling his eyes.
"Is something wrong? You seem different..." She asked, completely oblivious to the fact she led him on for weeks only to stomp on his heart.
Stefan had decided not to tell Elena that Damon had flipped the switch on his humanity, considering she was mostly the cause for the change, he didn't want her feeling guilty about it. But that wouldn't last.
Damon didn't answer. Instead, he downed the last of his drink and pulled Elena away from the bar and into the bathroom. Before Elena could ask what, he was doing, he tore into his wrist with his fangs and told her to drink.
"What, does that even work?" She asked. Damon didn't know if it would work in this situation, but he did know the other benefit about blood sharing with another vampire. He did his very best to hide a smirk.
"You're a baby vamp, Elena. Human blood from the vein is the only thing that'll work. But since you didn't want to lure a human in here with you, I suggest this." He said, holding this bleeding wrist to her face. Elena hesitated. "Drink."
The smell made Elena's fangs descend, she grabbed his arm with both hands and bit down without hesitation. Compared to animal blood, Damon's blood was like fine dessert wine. A coppery start but as she sucked, she picked up other notes, a dark richness that reminded her of chocolate and a spicy, burning finish that made her think of bourbon. Elena was feeling so relieved as she felt her hunger starting to dissipate.
As Elena fed on Damon he held onto her, with one hand on her head, sliding his fingers in her silky hair and the other holding her around her waist. After a moment, Elena felt something more, a feeling of excitement mixed with the pleasure of feeding. Her body began to move as she drank, causing her to push into Damon's body and falling back until he hit the wall. Elena's grip tightened around Damon's arms, causing her to claw at his leather jacket. She didn't know why her body was behaving this way while drinking his blood.
Was this normal for new vampires?
Would she be able to keep this down?
Did feeding from the vein always feel like this? She had so many questions.
While Elena was feeding and thinking about what this was, Damon was in a state of bliss. The feeling on her mouth on his wrist, the way she pushed her body up against his, their hands on each other's bodies. He let out a deep exhale and closed his eyes, enjoying the pulls of blood she was taking from him.
Deep down, Damon knew this wasn't right, he hadn't explained what blood sharing can do to both parties and how personal it was. But his humanity was locked in a steel chest right now. He didn't care. He didn't care that this would turn Stefan into an insecure and jealous boyfriend. He didn't care that Elena would be mad at him for not being up front about this kind of feeding. He didn't care about the twelve dead council members that suspiciously died. He didn't care that he had to drink alone because his best friend was gone. He didn't even care about her.
It made him stop to think, why was he still in Mystic Falls?
After what felt like hours had passed, Elena broke away from his embrace, removing her fangs from his arm. "Better?" Damon asked her while wiping the blood from her chin with his thumb.
"Mmmmmh..." Is all Elena said. She moved out of there embrace and over to the sink to wash the blood from the rest of her mouth. In the mirror, she noticed a little color had returned to her cheeks. "That tasted better than the deer blood." she said into the mirror.
"Yeah, probably all the bourbon I drink." Damon winked at her while cleaning his wrist. Elena had to suppress a slight chuckle, knowing that's exactly what she tasted from him.
"Thanks, Damon." She said while looking at him through the mirror again. He just smirked. "I've got to go, I'm volunteering for the memorial at the church." She moved past him and left the bathroom.
After feeding from Damon, she was feeling better, but it seemed to get worse later on at the memorial. She found herself in the upstairs bathroom, spilling up Damon's blood. "What the..." She let out before spilling more up, causing bloodstains on her dress. She was so scared. She didn't know what was happening.
Why wasn't she handling the blood? Vampires drink blood, right? Now stuck in a locked bathroom with a ruined dress and bloodstains over the toilet and sink, she panicked and called Damon.
"Bring a blood bag with you too." She had asked over the phone.
It took some convincing to get Damon to bring her a clean dress and a blood bag. Elena didn't know what else to do. She knew she only had two feeding options left. Bag or vein.
All her friends and family knew that Elena had a burning compassion for all those around her which only burned brighter when she turned. She didn't want to risk killing anyone, it was her worst fear.
After sending someone away that had tried to enter the bathroom, Damon knocked on the door. "Elenaaaa." He let out in a raspy voice.
"Damon. Thank God." She said only opening the door slightly, taking the bagged dress from him. Elena cleaned the bathroom of blood and changed dresses. The new black dress made her look a lot paler than before. "Let's hope the bag works." She mumbled to herself, looking at her reflection in the mirror.
While Damon was waiting for Elena in the hall, he was greeted by the same man that approached Liz only hours ago.
"Hey there, I'm Connor." The stranger opened up, with a handshake. Damon noticed the fingerless glove and refused.
"Damon, germaphobe." They then both dished out lies to each other. Clearly Connor was talking about vampires. Damon had to stop himself from licking his lips as he realized this must be the vampire hunter that showed up. Stefan had notified Damon about Tyler being shot by a stranger while he was secretly fetching a blood bag for Elena at the boardinghouse.
Before Damon could go into detail in his mind about how to remove the hunter, Elena emerged from the bathroom. She apologized to Connor before making way outside with Damon in tow.
"Did you bring the blood bag?" She asked, a little too loudly.
"Yep, here." He handed her the bag discreetly as they both huddled under a tree for cover. Elena being so starving by her thirst, took the bag and sucked in a massive gulp. She then spat it out once the taste settled in her mouth. It was like eating soup that had been burned and seasoned with soap.
"No, I can't. It tastes like..." Elena couldn't finish, she was too disturbed by the off taste that lingered in her mouth.
"How is the blood bag not working for you?" Damon questioned, mostly to himself. She is supernatural, a doppelgänger, maybe that's it. Elena shakes her head.
"What's wrong with me?" She asked as Damon wiped her chin with his thumb.
"Maybe it's your doppelgänger blood rejecting the transition." They both paused together wondering if that was the reason. The only person that could confirm that would be Katherine, and it wouldn't be easy tracking her down.
"I'm dying, aren't I?" She asked with a worried expression.
"No, you're not dying, you just need to drink from the vein."
"No. I can't risk killing anyone, Damon. Maybe I'm better off dead." For a glimmer of a moment, a feeling rose up inside Damon.
"Don't you think like that, Elena. You'll figure it out." He said, peering his icy blues in her deep brown. "You'll be fine." With their eyes so close, Elena noticed something missing from him. Normally Damon walks around with icy blue irises but today they seemed darker. Elena also noticed he was also behaving differently. She wanted to ask him again, but this also wasn't the right place for it.
A ring of the church bell broke their silence. "I have to go back inside." She murmured before walking away.
As he turned, Damon spotted Stefan approaching. "Oh, great." Damon sighed as he tucked the blood bag into the satchel.
"What's in the bag, Damon?" Stefan asked, even though he had a suspicion.
"Yeah, not like you can smell it or anything." Damon quipped. "I bought it for Elena."
"Are you really intent on having your way?" Stefan said while moving up into Damon's personal space.
"I don't care but Elena begged me to bring it to her." He replied with a wink.
"Why? She told me she was fine." Stefan's face changed to confusion.
"She obviously lied. The girl is starving Stef, she hasn't kept any blood down. Bambi didn't work, and the bagged variety apparently tastes like crayons. She can't even keep my blood down." Damon finished with a twisted smile.
Stefan took a moment of disbelief. "She drank from you?" He asked sadly and Damon only smiled in response and left his brother to stew.
Damon didn't care about the service or the hunter that was attending, even though killing the hunter would be fun. Instead, he took to the right on the lawn and followed the path up to the church parking lot. Once he sat back in the seat of his Camaro, he reflected back on the thought he had at the Grill earlier.
"Why am I here?" With his humanity off he realized a large city would be a lot more fun than Mystic Falls. Granted, he helped Elena when she asked for it but that wasn't fun. He wanted fun.
During the service, to avoid being assassinated by the hunter, Elena fed off Matt after he offered. It seemed to work instantly. She felt the color back in her face, her body tingled with a strange power, making her feel stronger. Her heightened senses resurfaced, making her feel better. "Thank you." She whispered to Matt. She moved back to Stefan's side. "We have to help April." She murmured.
"I know." Stefan replied, looking around the crowd to find Damon.
He wasn't here.
After the hunter attempted to take out Tyler, he was chased by Stefan and followed by a wounded but pissed off Tyler. Connor was confronted by the vampire just as he reached his truck, but the hunter overpowered him, throwing him to the ground and pulling out a stake. They struggled, Stefan using all of his strength to keep the stake from reaching his chest. Stefan was shocked at how strong the hunter was. He knew that an animal blood diet made him weaker than other vampires, but this stranger was still stronger than an ordinary man. Before the stake pierced his skin, Connor is tackled by Tyler. Stefan made it to his feet. Tyler reared his head back showing off his hybrid eyes and teeth before going for the kill. In a second there was a loud pop followed by three more. Connor had managed to reach for his gun and shoot Tyler again, as Tyler took the shots, Connor made his getaway. Driving off in his truck. Stefan held out his arm to Tyler. The hybrid accepted, getting pulled back to his feet.
A hunter strong as a vampire, that's new.
Later at the boardinghouse, Stefan and Elena were in the library.
"It helps with the cravings." Stefan said, sliding a tumbler of bourbon across the table to a seated Elena. Elena is hesitant but takes a slip and lets out a displeased sound of the strong taste. How can Damon be drinking this all the time? She thought before looking up at Stefan, seeing the disappointment in his face.
"You're mad?"
"Yeah, I'm mad. You lied to me." Stefan replied with his head looking down.
"I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you."
"Come on, Elena, you lied to me." He brings his head back up and makes eye contact.
"You were just so happy that things were working." She said, still holding on to the fact that she also kept it from him because she wanted to protect him from himself.
"You think I'm happy now?" Stefan gestured to her with his hand. "You were starving Elena, then you went to Damon for help." Stefan said, looking more disappointed.
"Yes, because I knew he would understand." She answered.
"You don't think I don't?" Stefan questioned.
"I was protecting you, Stefan. The animal blood didn't work, I needed human blood, and I know what that can do to you. I asked Damon for help because I didn't want..."
Stefan interrupted. "You didn't want me to fall off the wagon and become a ripper again." Elena nodded. "But you fed on him, Elena, you fed on him. I know that may not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me. And I know it meant a lot to Damon." Stefan finished and then took another mouthful of bourbon.
"Damon said it could've worked. I was hungry, I didn't want to hurt anyone." Elena explained but Stefan's expression didn't change. He refilled his glass from the decanter and moved around and fell back into the couch opposite her.
"I get that, Elena." Is all he said and threw back his drink.
There was pause for a moment. Elena didn't want to bring up Damon in the conversation again, but her concerns overwhelmed her.
"Have you noticed anything about Damon?" She risked asking.
Stefan shifted, sitting forward. "Why are you asking?" He knew exactly what was different with Damon, but he wanted to hear what Elena noticed.
"The things he said today, or how he said them. He seemed cold at times." Hearing this, Stefan realized it's time she knew, and the reasons why.
"He's not the same Damon that was there for me before." She added.
Stefan couldn't help but recoil at her words. Being reminded of that time he was so focused on revenge against Klaus that he pushed her away and threatened to drive her off Wickery Bridge. Stefan shook his head and swallowed hard, trying to rid the images and guilt from his head. She noticed Stefan's reaction, but she asked again.
"What happened to Damon?"
He didn't know where to begin. "You remember the night on the farm, when Damon saved us?" Stefan questioned, his eyes met hers.
"Yeah, I remember hearing you two arguing from the barn, but I couldn't focus." She answered, putting her glass down and leaning forward.
"He saved us, but he wasn't in a good place. I've never seen him like that before, not for a really long time." He admitted, bringing his hands together.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"He was hurting, Elena. He kept talking about pain and that running away was the only solution."
"Running away? Why was he hurting, do you know?" Elena moved closer, almost on the edge of her seat.
"You know..." He took a dramatic pause mixed with a sympathetic look to make sure what he said had sunk it.
"I know? What y…." Elena couldn't believe how oblivious she was until the entire realization came crashing down on her like a landslide.
He was in pain because of her.
That night had torn and twisted Damon's heart until only a burning pain was left and knowing that Damon didn't show his feelings to anyone but her made Elena feel worse. From the shock of everything, she stood from her chair, and she began pacing near the fireplace. With the beginning of tears in her eyes, she turned back to Stefan.
"So...it was me... I'm the one that hurt him..." She said in a voice that was beginning to break. Stefan got up to his feet, wanting to comfort her but she kept pacing.
"It wasn't just you, Elena." He tried to reassure her. "He lost Ric that night too and he was hours away from the rest of us." As soon as he said that he knew it was a mistake.
"So... when we thought that all you guys were going to die, he was alone?" She questioned with a sob, but she already knew the harsh truth. Stefan couldn't find the words to respond. "I didn't even think about that, on that night." Elena comes to a stop, wiping tears from her eyes with her sleeve. "I was forced to make a choice in such a crappy situation, and I…I said goodbye to him over the phone." She sobbed out but she wasn't finished. "And when I was on my way back to you, Damon was fighting Ric, who would've died in his arms. His friend." She had to stop again to wipe away more tears. "And in that moment, he would've realized that I died too." She sobbed more, her voice now completely shattered.
"It's okay, Elena. We'll make sure Damon comes back." Stefan tried to comfort, trying to soothe her breakdown.
"What do you mean, comes back?" She took a deep breath, not wanting to know the answer to her next question. "Did he leave?" She quickly looked around the library, realizing she hadn't heard him at home or seen him since the memorial.
"No, he did stay." He replied.
"You said come back, Stefan!" She snapped, now sounding angry. "Come back from what?"
Stefan took a deep breath of his own before answering.
"I told him he couldn't leave because you would need his help. He thought running was his only way from the pain, until he found another way." Stefan explained, his voice dropping near the end.
The last five words rolled around in Elena's mind like a whirlpool until she figured it out.
"He turned off his emotions?" She spilled out with tears. "He was so hurt from that night, he turned his humanity off..." Elena turned inward to the fireplace, taking her eyes off Stefan. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" She asked while staring into the fire.
"I wanted to protect you. You don't need to feel guilty about this." He confessed.
Her guilt and grief were filling the brim, almost boiling over. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like she was drowning all over again and her eyes were already sore from minutes of crying.
"It's my fault he's broken." She let out in a wail.
"We are all at fault, but we can get him back, Elena. We can fix this." Elena turned back to face Stefan.
"This is what I didn't want. I knew when I had to make that choice, I was going to lose the other." She exhaled. "I didn't think it would feel this bad." She shook her head, trying to breathe.
"Your emotions are heightened, the grief gets to us all." Stefan said as he reached with a hand and placed it on her shoulder, but she recoiled from it and yelled.
"It's not just grief, Stefan! Now I have guilt too. Guilt for hurting your brother like that." She paused. "He looked after me for months while you were gone, and I thanked him by breaking his heart over the phone and leaving him to die." She let out many cries before finishing with three words.
"He was alone..." She sniffled.
She began walking out of the library before Stefan called out to her.
"Where are you going?" He asked in a worried voice. She looked back at him to answer.
"Home. Damon wasn't the only one that lost Alaric, I need to see Jeremy." She said before leaving the library and then making her way out the front door. Elena needed space to sort out her strong feelings, she thought talking to Jeremy would help with the grief about losing Alaric. As for the guilt, she had no idea how to resolve that.
While moving through her pockets for her car keys she noticed Damon's car wasn't anywhere to be seen. Did he end up leaving anyway? She felt a sudden need to know where he was. She took out her phone and hit Damon's name in her contact list, it rang all the way to his voicemail. She'll try again tomorrow, it had been a trying day and she was exhausted.