Chapter 8: An Exhibition of Home Defense

Shifty was in the garage stealing the tires off Flippy's pickup when his brother ran in, absolutely hysterical.

"What?" Shifty grunted. Lifty swatted the lug wrench out of his hand and tried forcing him to touch the—

The stupid book! They both wrestled with each other for a bit but Lifty finally managed to get his brother to touch the sweet spot on the page. Shifty shuddered and went still as he was shown something very odd, very familiar, and very dangerous.

They'd been murdered last Christmas.

Shifty immediately seized his right elbow after the vision ended, blinking his eyes back to normal. The brothers gaped at each other. Without a single word they crept back to the living room.

Flippy was still passed out on his side or they thought he was, at least. They had gagged and blindfolded him.

The brothers were lost in thought, thinking the same things in tandem.

Wait, we died?

No, we didn't.

Then what was that?

It felt too real!

Was it real?

What made it feel more real were their phantom pains. Lifty kept rubbing his chest, periodically glancing down to make sure it hadn't been pierced in four spots. Shifty was still clutching his right arm. They both felt like they were itching out of their fur and skin.

Then, Flippy gave a start and they both flinched.

He was awake. He couldn't see but could tell he was bound.

Flippy remembered where he was. He knew it wasn't wartime and that he hadn't been captured by enemy forces.

It had just happened again, considering what the Book of the World had shown him—those two idiots had managed to tie him up. But this time he couldn't see.

He remembered and knew what had happened but because he couldn't see, his mind was unable to fully believe it.

His body was already starting to react. Dread and fear overtook rationality, causing his adrenaline to pump and his heart to race.

Flippy buckled down, gritting his teeth. He was in his living room.

I'm in the living room.

I'm in the…living room.

I'm in….

…the…

…living…

r…

..oo…

…mmm…

He growled deeply and began contorting against the ropes.

"AHHHHHH!"

The brothers screamed, tripping over each other as they rushed forward. Shifty pulled Flippy upright while his brother knelt down, rolling up sleeves he didn't have.

Flippy was almost to the brink of madness, lost to his previous rationale…then he jolted. A very sharp and funny sensation had snapped him back. He snorted then outright began giggling, trying to kick himself free. Lifty was tickling his belly.

Cautious, Shifty pulled the blindfold off. The bear still looked normal. He didn't have the crazy eyes. Shifty remembered the crazy eyes.

"Keep going!" he ordered his brother, wanting to make sure.

"Mmph mmph!" Flippy cried, shaking his head. They jumped on him, put him to his back, and gave him a hard time for the next several minutes.

"Hmm." Shifty held his chin in thought. While Flippy gasped for air below them he and his brother disputed on what to do.

They came up with the intelligent plan of poking the bear over and over with different objects, trying to see what set him off. They tried with a yardstick, a fire poker, a pool noodle, and giant foam finger. Nothing seemed to work. Now thoroughly pissed, Flippy snapped at them through his gag, flexing against the ropes.

With his trademark laugh Lifty held up a long chain of iron. Together they wrapped the entire thing several times around Flippy's body with Shifty somehow making the slack into a ribbon.

The brothers grinned at each other. It looked like they were safe for the time being! They proudly high-fived each other then got back to work.

Seething, Flippy glanced at his alarm system's control panel. Although it had sent a notification to his phone, the alarm itself was completely silent but still active. If it was tripped and not deactivated in time, his house would shut down and fortify itself. That'd be the only mercy for intruders considering what came after.

Flippy tried to stand but only ended up flopping to his side. Shifty, who was at the fridge pulling out all the meat he could, pointed and laughed. Flippy darted his eyes to the control panel, trying to get his point across. It had been way, way too long by now! He could only deactivate it with his voice or by an eye scan before—

SLAM!

He sighed, rolling his eyes. Whelp…

That had been a steel plate slamming down over the front entrance. One by one the rest of the entrances, chimney and windows included, were sealed, leaving them in near darkness.

"Oh, for…"

Lifty grumbled impatiently, flicking the living room light on. Once the brothers saw that their exits were blocked they got agitated, blaming the other for taking too long.

That was when a slot in the wall opened up, firing a poison-barbed arrow. Shifty leapt into his brother's arms and it missed him by an inch, embedding itself in the wall.

Before they knew it arrows were whizzing at them from all directions! With a scream Lifty flung his brother and ran for cover. The ceiling opened up and a giant axe swung down, missing him only because he'd flung himself down in time. A little ways over Shifty was practically break dancing to avoid a volley of poisonous darts, only to get his head nearly knocked off by a flail.

Flippy watched on edge, hardly flinching when a herd of throwing stars flew over his head and shoulders. His home defense system recognized him, so he wasn't a target.

It didn't take too much longer for Shifty to notice this. Lifty did as well, close behind his brother and shrieking as the end of his tail was singed by a flamethrower. A mechanical hand wielding a chainsaw was after the both of them.

Uh oh, Flippy realized all too late, as they ducked for cover behind him. He could only pull his head back as far as possible, gritting his teeth. The spinning blades of the chainsaw came in and halted an inch from his throat.

Another hand came out of the ceiling, pinched Flippy between its fingers, and casually moved him aside. With a swear Lifty punted his brother in the back, offering a sacrifice to the murder weapons before diving behind the couch.

"Mm hmmf!" Flippy urged.

Lifty carefully popped his head out, taking a moment to follow Flippy's eyes to the control panel. The raccoon groaned; there really was no rest for the wicked. Why couldn't they have had an easy job for once?

He leapt out of cover and quickly started to unwind the chain from Flippy's body. He glanced around nervously, watching for danger on all sides. Luckily by the way his brother was screaming in the background, Shifty was still alive and taking all of the defense system's focus.

The chain fell off. Lifty snatched the knot of the ropes and dragged Flippy across the floor, slamming the bear into the panel several times before it recognized his eye signature.

Immediately the traps went offline and the steel barriers began retracting. Shifty was cornered, moments from being cut to pieces when the chainsaw hand stopped, gave him the middle finger, then withdrew back into the ceiling.

"Whew," Lifty sighed. An open slot in the wall fired an arrow right into his knee. Whoops! It looked like one of the traps hadn't gone offline yet. "AAAAUGHHH!"

Shifty grunted at the sight of his brother's knee leaking blood like a burst pipe. Lifty could be such a crybaby. "C'mon!" he snapped, hoisting several bags up over his shoulder. They weren't taking any more chances being in that house. He ran out, leaving his brother to limp after him.

Then Lifty popped back in, flashing a grin at Flippy before snatching The Book of the World off the table and vanishing.

Flippy flexed greatly against the ropes. With a muffled bellow he broke free, then ripped the gag off his mouth.

The thieves' kidnap van sputtered and started up outside. Flippy barreled out the door with a head full of steam.

The two raccoons were yucking it up as they pulled out onto the street. Lifty held up the book, ignoring the blood spurting from his knee. After what they'd seen in it earlier, their curiosity was too much. They drove around town for a bit and once they were sure they weren't being followed, lurked to a stop in the middle of an empty four-way intersection.

Curious, Shifty flipped to the pages after the animal profiles. He oohed when he got to a page that said: Brainstorming Ideas...Write What You Want To Make Canon!

Lifty whipped out a pen. When he tried writing his wish to be a zillionaire on the page, the words stuck for only a moment before fizzling. To their disbelief the ink literally flew back into the tip of the pen.

THA-THUMP!

"OH GOD!" Lifty shrieked.

"'ey, shaddup!" Shifty snapped, only to hear knock knock knock on the windshield and look over. His soul nearly left his body. Flippy was on the hood, fist cocked back.

Then both brothers screamed, pointing, prompting the bear to spin around in confusion. He had the same reaction as them.

A mile down the road, a car was barreling right towards them with a blue blur streaking after it.

Splendid stayed low over the car, trying to finish off the strawberry shake he'd bought at Smoothie Kingdom. He nibbled on the edible straw as he swerved behind the car, matching its movements down to the inch. He noticed a van in the intersection ahead.

He swooped low and grabbed the back bumper of the car, then slammed his heels into the ground. He peered an eye into his smoothie cup, tearing a fissure in the road as he pulled the car to a stop. Or so he thought.

With a shrug he tossed the empty cup into a nearby trashcan, then realized he was holding the rear bumper by itself. The car that had left it behind was blazing off into the horizon.

"Uh oh!"

He rocketed forward, leering beams of heat vision at one of the car's rear tires to burst it. The car swerved further out of control, entering the intersection in a wild drift and circling around the van. It wobbled, corrected itself, and continued down the road on three tires and one rim.

Lifty and Shifty clung to each other, breathing sighs of relief when the car somehow avoided them. Flippy popped up behind them, pressing his hands on their heads. "DUCK!" he yelled, forcing them down. It was just in time.

Instead of going over or around the vehicle, Splendid speared right through its windshield with that one track mind of his, buckling the van as it was blown back up onto its rear.

Moments later and battered, Lifty and Shifty climbed out of the wreckage. They both stood together, looking at their van and feeling bad for themselves. It had just been another one of those days, they thought sadly.

Flippy snatched the sides of their heads and slammed them together, knocking them out instantly.

With a grimace he dusted his hands off, eyeing the van since plenty of his things were in there, likely damaged or broken at this point. As if he hadn't had enough to deal with.