Chapter 12: Might May Not Make Right
The car door opened. Flippy and Flaky looked over.
A mauve shape stepped out of the vehicle, light glinting off its dark shades. The Christmas-colored animals scrambled up in embarrassment.
The Book of the World hovered over. The both of you, c'mon. Hasn't it sunk in that the dude's blinder than a bat?
"B-Bats aren't blind." Flaky stammered. She knew because their preferred target for dive-boming practice was her head. The Mole turned and wandered off.
Here we go, you too? The Book complained. I was clearly being figurative, but what if I wasn't? Sometimes I deserve to be contextually ignorant just like all of you—ignorance can be bliss.
"Turnabout is fair play…" Flippy muttered, barely lucid. Little tap-tap-tapping noises were coming from the hallway.
Hey, you say that like I forced you to look at my tender secrets. And just let me remind you, I wouldn't spread my pages for just anyone. Eyep. The Book made a forward motion as if it were nodding. It ain't easy being a reality-warping object. I'm in the hot seat, too—don't forget the other writers who've been scorned.
"What?" Flaky asked. Flippy blinked twice, standing straighter. Right, he may've forgotten to mention the fact that there were other Bookworms. As he breezed that tidbit by her, the three of them were oblivious to all the ruckus deeper in the house.
Oh, don't worry about them, The Book told Flaky, who was now terrified and on high alert. I mean, they're literally just worms with writing utensils. That doesn't sound any weirder than a hedgehog riding a motorized scooter, does it? They're not magical.
At least I don't think they are. What's the worst that could happen?
Flaky tapped her pointer fingers together. With The Book finishing with that magic phrase, her mind told her anything and everything. Then again, she was still hiked up on adrenaline and other hormones she couldn't possibly name.
Several loud crashes erupted in the distance. The Book said to Flippy, Speaking of the worst that could happen, that blind guy's roaming around your house and you casually use weapons as décor.
After only the first step into the hall, Flippy saw the path of destruction The Mole had left. He chattered his teeth together in annoyance; things were knocked off the walls, littered on the floor…he quickly stopped taking it all in for the sake of his mental state.
When he tried going into the garage, the door flung open and pinned him to the wall as The Mole walked back in.
Flaky stuck her head into the hall. The Book nudged her and she hesitantly continued on until she turned the corner. She shrieked, almost jumping out of her quills.
The Mole was heading for a suit of armor. He crashed into it, making the axe in its hand wobble and tip forward.
"No, no, no!"
She sprinted over and yanked him out of the way before the axe cleaved him into the floor. Flaky slowly let go of him and backed away, quivering. She was far past done.
She drifted away and out the door, dazed. She was clocking out for the day.
Minutes later Flippy was grumbling as he ushered The Mole down the hall. There was a flying squirrel in his living room, inspecting the wrecked car.
"Oh, ah ha!" Splendid exclaimed upon seeing the pair. He crossed his arms, satisfied. The car he'd been pursuing all day had been stopped, and the reckless driver was being detained! All in a day's work!
The superhero blasted off, blowing a hole in the roof. Flippy wanted to lie down and sob himself to sleep.
Later…
It may've actually been in the very early morning by the time he got done putting a band-aid on all of the property damage. Handy had come to tow the car away and for now, placing tarps over the holes would just have to do.
Flippy stumbled around aimlessly. He could barely remember what he'd been doing three minutes ago. He kept missing the Book of the World, which had been trying to get his attention.
Missing…something…
He needed sleep, but something was keeping him awake. The Book flung itself on his face. He peeled it off, tossed it aside, and then bumbled sideways into the wall; he slouched his head against it, easing to the floor.
Wasn't...I supposed to be...doing something?
Lumpy drug his new batch of explosives out into his yard. He scowled, looking around before grumbling and shaking his fist at no one in particular. His light show had been massively delayed. Hours earlier he had been close to finishing his first batch of firecrackers.
Then Lifty and Shifty had decided to rob him. He'd tried chasing them, but they sure knew how to run.
Sobbing, he'd walked all the way back home. He'd seen that Flaky's scooter was parked outside Flippy's house and thought nothing of it at first. At some point he'd heard a ruckus and raised voices, which meant…
He stopped, squinting.
What had that meant? Oh, well.
Now animals were supposed to be asleep, but that little detail slipped his mind. Lumpy lit a match and set the first firecracker alight. Here came the fun!
POP-POP-POP-POP!
The bear jolted awake, opening his bloodshot eyes wide. The Book of the World was wandering up, angled in a way like it was 'looking' over its 'shoulder'.
Lucky news…the big lug is fine, it said inattentively. It took me awhile to notice, but Lumpy's latest entry is gone. It must've happened earlier…something kept him away from dying. Good news for us, since Flaky decided to pop in and YOU kept...
It stopped short. In the near darkness it could only see a slashing grin and a pair of yellow eyes leering down at it.
...ignoring me. Oh.
Well, this isn't good.
Flipqy loomed over it, raising his hands—
POP-POP-POP!
—or maybe, he should've been dealing with whoever was making that noise, instead of…Flipqy grunted, eyeing The Book of the World. This was his first time seeing an inanimate object floating on its own, though that could've just been a trick by the enemy.
He opened his jacket, grinning as he alternated a finger between his choices. The Book quickly exited stage left.
After catching a tiger by its toe, he landed on…a homemade pipe bomb! He plucked it off his bandolier. He hadn't remembered making it, but that was okay. It'd be the only thing he needed.
"Oooohhh…"
Lumpy's eyes were wide and shining as he stared skywards. A little ways away, a grinning face popped up from behind the fence.
Flipqy had set the timer on bomb. He whistled, then hauled back and flung it.
In the perfect world, Lumpy would've looked around at the noise and gotten impaled through the neck with the bomb. Boom, headshot. That didn't quite happen.
The Book of the World appeared out of nowhere, quickly batting itself upward and knocking the pipe bomb high in the sky. It exploded innocently along with the other fireworks, showering the night sky with a ton of shrapnel.
By now Lumpy was sitting with his head in the empty overturned box, searching for more firecrackers. Sharp shards of metal thudded like rain against the cardboard. Flipqy growled, slamming a fist on the fence.
"Huh?" Lumpy pulled his head out, confused to find his yard littered with glistening shards. He snapped his fingers. His metal detector! He could use it to find a safe way through the tall grass...except he didn't have it. He doubled over, squinting, and started tiptoeing through the grass.
Flipqy hurtled a hand grenade. The Book of the World was hovering over Lumpy's head like a guardian angel. In a twittering panic it knocked away that explosive as well. Lumpy glanced up in confusion, just missing the floating artifact.
More grenades flew. The Book whack, whack, whacked them all, lighting the sky up with smoke and fire. Lumpy wrinkled his snout as a thick blanket of refuse fell. He hadn't remembered using so much gunpowder. He went into a coughing and sneezing fit, sounding like he'd hack up a lung.
How can someone be as imbecilic as they are lucky? The Book wondered, then looked towards the fence line. Flipqy was gone. Well, shit.
The ground behind them shook. In an eruption of dirt the bear leapt out, pouncing on the Book and pinning it to the ground.
With a laugh Flipqy stood, trying to tear the Book in half. The binding was tough and would not give at all; it was like he was trying to rip a malleable diamond in half.
A small blot of text appeared in the pages and Flipqy leaned in. His smile grew for a split second then dropped completely as he snarled. The words were, That HURTS, you son of a bitch. But betcha can't kill me!
The Book slipped free and slammed shut on his nose. Flipqy tossed and threw his head, flinging it off and away...
Thud.
"Ow!" Lumpy complained, rubbing his head. What hit him?
He turned, peering down through red and irritated eyes. A book? The last time he'd held a book he wound up in the emergency room. He still picked it up.
Something leapt out at him from the haze, roaring.
A bug! With the hardcover in his hands Lumpy swung as hard as he could. He caught Flipqy square in the side, belting him across the entire yard.
Eventually, the moose picked his way out of the haze, rubbing his eyes. He noticed his neighbor laid out on the grass with a trickle of blood running from his temple.
"Oh, uh oh!" Lumpy exclaimed. He hoisted the bear over his shoulder and ran into his home. He knew he had a first aid kit somewhere in the freezer...