Despite the ever-changing nature of the desert, the Triet Ruins were an immutable part of it; gray, crumbling, yet constant. Their true nature was no longer known, but it was obvious to anyone that they were a remnant of an ancient civilization from a time before magitechnology had disappeared from the world.
Indeed, there was much about the very architecture that made absolutely no physical sense. Thin pillars that held up slabs far too heavy, corners that took up more space on one side than the other...there was unmistakable magic woven into the very structure of the building. The knowledge of how to do such things had been utterly lost by time.
Rai couldn't help but want to know more about how it had been built. It pained him to think of all the technology, and more importantly all the knowledge, that had been lost. It was too sad, that a civilization this advanced was now gone, with most records destroyed and only ruins left to mark its existence.
Thankfully there was still Tethe'alla. He couldn't wait to gain access to the flourishing world. Maybe he'd just forget about the Journey of Regeneration and go into research.
But then there was the small problem of half-elves being subhuman there...
"Rai!" Lloyd slung an arm around his shoulders, the sudden weight making Rai stagger as he tried and failed to push the swordsman away.
"What?"
"So are you going to tell me what the new technique was?"
"Nice try, but no," Rai shot back, but he smirked despite himself. Lloyd had been trying to catch him off guard with that question ever since they'd trained.
"What are you guys talking about?" This was Genis, who had paused his conversation with Colette and was looking back at them through narrowed eyes. "I really do feel like you're keeping secrets from me lately."
Rai looked off towards the ruins, leaving Lloyd to answer. The swordsman laughed awkwardly and moved away to run a hand through his spiky hair. "What makes you think that, Genis?"
Genis said nothing, but Rai could feel his brother's gaze burning into him. His skin prickled with unease. It was obvious that Genis was still irritated and suspicious that Rai was hiding things from him. He still wasn't sure how Genis was so sure that he'd been lying the day they'd left Iselia.
He is your brother, you know, said Akira. People can pick up the strangest things sometimes.
I'm still trying to figure out why Genis was so suspicious of us earlier, Future interjected tiredly. I've yet to hit any concrete conclusions. Although he always has seemed to be able to suspiciously tell when you lie to him.
He's still staring at you, CO noted. He looks suspicious, and angry, and even hurt. Probably he thinks you don't trust him.
There were murmurs of assent from the others and Rai groaned internally. Don't tell me you all think I need to confront him again about this?
There was no answer, but there was definitely a general air of agreement. You guys...I already talked to him about it once...
It's not just a matter of stupid emotions and annoying confrontations, said another soft yet firm voice at the back of his mind. If you want Genis, or anyone else for that matter, to be useful to you, you need to be able to make them trust you. With their lives, if necessary.
What was this voice? Rai had a feeling it came from the part of his mind that housed his selfishness. But he couldn't help but think that it was right, regardless of how callously the idea was phrased.
He pushed the resolution to resolve matters with Genis aside temporarily as they finally reached the entrance to the ruins. One could see that it had once been elaborate and grand, but now not much was left but crumbling pillars and a slab on the ground. There was a stone tablet on a pedestal next to it - the oracle stone, of course. Rai found himself fascinated by the rich, forest-green color of the slab, however. Was this - ? His suspicions were confirmed when Raine shot forward as if propelled by some unseen force, caressing the stone slab lovingly. "This is polycarbonate...! Oh, just feel the wondrous smoothness!"
Polycarbonate. Now that he thought about it, wasn't that something commonplace back in that weird place where Akira had lived?
It's called Earth. I lived on Earth, muttered Akira.
He remembered it being some kind of thermoplastic substance. In fact, it wasn't stone at all. Ignoring the conversation about Raine's eccentric behavior, he strode forward and knelt to touch the surface himself - yes, it was smooth, far too smooth to be any kind of stone. Raine and the others wouldn't know that, though, he realized. Things like plastic or other synthetic materials probably didn't even exist here in Sylvarant. No wonder Raine kept going about its wondrously smooth surface. Of course it was going to be smooth.
He was caught up with a rush of both pity for the Sylvaranti - who had no idea of the kinds of luxuries they were missing - and anger at Mithos for putting in place a society that halted technological development. The flourishing world, Tethe'alla, just like the ancient civilizations that had been advanced in magitechnology, was probably similarly advanced to the civilizations back on Earth. And this was over four thousand years in the future of that ancient civilization. He couldn't even imagine how much more advanced this world could have been after that much time; and yet all that time had been wasted, with these two isolated worlds simply existing, making no progress but simply swinging back and forth through loss and gain of the same exact technology like a pendulum. Such a waste of the intellect of all those scientists and researchers, rediscovering the same concepts again and again and again...
He backed away to allow Colette to open the entrance and closed his eyes briefly. When you looked at it that way, it wasn't only the angels on Derris-Kharlan that were puppets. Everyone on this world, everyone in Sylvarant and Tethe'alla - they were all governed by the regeneration process, and Mithos was the puppeteer.
In fact, in an odd way, Mithos really had made himself a god.
It would be interesting, though, he mused as the slab finally slid open and they made their way into the ruins, to look at the development of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla over that time. Magitechnology had been lost and rediscovered several times; it would be intriguing to see whether that development had followed the same or a similar trajectory each time, or whether it had differed in any significant way. How replicable was the human condition, when a large population of people was exposed to the same conditions again and again over thousands of years?
He made a mental note to check for that information if he ever had the opportunity. Hopefully Cruxis had kept an accurate historical record, despite neither Sylvarant or Tethe'alla having one.
Entering the ruins was more nerve-wracking than he'd expected. In the game it had just been another dungeon, but in real life, it was pitch-black, crumbling, and ominous. Raine had procured a lantern in Triet, and was using it to light the way, but that didn't change the fact that it was extremely difficult to see anything clearly and that the footing was precarious.
"This is so cool," said Lloyd in a stage whisper. Kratos snorted from ahead and Genis shook his head resignedly.
"In a few minutes, you'll be whining about how boring this is," he pointed out. Interestingly, Lloyd didn't respond. He was too busy looking around, eyes wide.
"What is this place, anyway?" the swordsman asked finally.
Predictably, it was Raine who answered him. "A remnant of the ancient civilization who once occupied this land. Almost no records of its true nature remain."
They traveled in silence for some time, down a long, crumbling corridor that sloped slowly downward, deeper and deeper underground. Although they hadn't yet encountered any opposition, Rai could hear faint sounds of life from further into the cavern and knew that this was probably a sign of the monsters that had since settled here, either placed deliberately by Cruxis or drawn here by the power of the summon spirit. But they probably wouldn't even encounter Efreet this time around; no, they were here to see Remiel. Rai's lip curled in disgust at the thought of seeing that bastard again. He acted so high and mighty...Rai couldn't help but want to rip him off his pedestal to get rid of that attitude.
Come to think of it, weren't they also supposed to meet - and fight with - Sheena on their way out of the temple? Or had that been outside the Balacruf Mausoleum?
Whichever it was, he wondered if that would still happen with the slight changes he'd so far rendered to the events. He couldn't help but hope they wouldn't meet her - they'd be exhausted after fighting whatever monster lay in the seal room, and Colette would probably be suffering from some effects of "Angel Toxicosis", as Raine would soon dub it.
Genis stumbled suddenly next to him and Rai caught him by the arm at the last moment before he went tumbling into the dark abyss that had opened up on the right. His heart had sped up to a startled pounding, threatening to burst out of his chest. He struggled to regain his normal breathing as he righted his stunned brother and pulled him firmly to his other side. "Be careful," he warned the younger half-elf, trying to sound firm, but it came out shakily. Genis hadn't died in the original plot. If Rai had been a moment too late just then, would his brother have died because of him?
From what Rai could see in the meager light from Raine's lantern, Genis was just as shell-shocked. His hand clutched at Rai's side, probably involuntarily, and after a moment Rai grabbed his brother's hand, ignoring Genis's slight resistance when he realized.
The other group members were shuffling from up ahead, but they obviously weren't sure what had happened due to the dim lighting. "Is everyone all right?" Raine called worriedly from the front. Genis still appeared to be trapped in a shocked silence, his smaller hand shaking in Rai's grasp, so Rai decided to answer.
"Genis almost fell into this chasm that appeared on the right," he called. "Everyone, be especially careful here. It would be nice if we had more light, but..."
"You're right," Raine said, sounding even more worried. "But lanterns are expensive, and we couldn't afford...still, perhaps we really should have tried to get at least one more..."
Lloyd's voice sounded from directly in front of Rai and he realized that the swordsman must have made his way back towards them. "Are you okay, Genis?"
Genis finally spoke. "Y-yeah..."
Lloyd, who now had possession of the lantern, probably noticed their clasped hands, but to his credit he said nothing, only falling into step beside them near the leftmost wall. After awhile Rai made eye contact with him and, upon some silent agreement, they shuffled Genis forward to his sister, who immediately grasped his shoulders. The small half-elf let himself be maneuvered, still oddly silent. After a few moments the lantern had been passed back up to Raine, who wordlessly held it out so that Genis had a clear view of his footing. The rest of them shuffled close together, unwilling to risk a fall; Rai could feel his shoulder brushing Lloyd's with every step and Kratos was so close in front of him that he nearly bumped into the swordsman more than once. Thankfully the left wall remained solid, but progress was slow, Raine swinging the lantern carefully all around to make sure there were no more sudden drops that went unnoticed. The silence was unsettling, too; earlier Rai had been able to hear the sounds of monsters, but now it was oddly quiet, as if there were none this deep into the ruins. Or perhaps they were here somewhere, still and silent, and one wrong move would stir up something terrible. He preferred not to think too much about that.
After so long of walking in silence that Rai thought he might be going insane (and imagining noises to boot) there was a scuffling sound from up ahead; Genis had stumbled into Raine, pushing her slightly into the wall. They were okay for a moment, and then a slight rumbling became what felt like a full-out earthquake. "Cave in!" roared Kratos, diving forward and taking Genis and Colette with him. The Professor was still on the ground, the lantern several paces ahead. Rai felt a crumbling of stone across his face and tried to move, but was frozen in indecision - forward, towards Kratos, or backwards? What would fall? The whole cave or part? Should he cast Guardian? Akira's voice sounded in his mind. Move! Now!
There was a sharp pain in his shoulder as he was jerked backwards, and a resounding crash came from where he'd just been. There was more rumbling as rocks fell and shifted and it seemed like everything was suddenly ridiculously loud, most of all Rai's heart, pounding in his ears. He realized as the noise died away that he'd unconsciously cast Guardian after he fell, which was good, since from its meager light he could see that it had protected both himself and Lloyd from some large boulders that had rolled towards them from the cave in.
As it became silent again, their breathing sounded loud and labored in the darkness. Rai could feel Lloyd's hand, still on his arm from when he'd jerked Rai out of the way, shaking slightly. He himself was no better, and his shoulder had probably been dislocated too...
"Rai! Lloyd! Are you all right?" Raine's muffled voice sounded from somewhere on the other side of the rockfall. Rai let Guardian fall with a sigh of exhaustion and tried to respond, but found he was entirely too breathless. Lloyd's voice sounded from beside him.
"Wasn't that the Professor? But what did she say? I couldn't understand her, did you catch that?" Lloyd's voice was quiet; he too sounded short of breath and a bit shaky.
Rai inhaled deeply and then shouted in Raine's direction, "We're both all right! Is anyone over there hurt?"
"Ow! You just took my ear off with that yell," Lloyd grumbled, shifting in the darkness. Rai chuckled despite himself and then cut himself off at the sharp pain from his shoulder at the movement. He was distracted from this as Raine gave her response.
"We're fine. But it seems we have a dilemma now. Perhaps we should go on, and ask Remiel whether there is an alternate way out. Meanwhile you two should make your way back out - be careful, since you no longer have a light - and wait until morning outside the ruins. If we're not back by morning you should try to brave your way back to Triet and fetch the supplies to come in and take care of this rockfall. We should be fine for now - we have enough supplies to last at least a week in here."
Rai thought it over. "Understood," he shouted back after a short pause, with some disappointment that he'd be missing what went on. "Be careful!" At least they had Kratos to look after them. The seraph wouldn't die that easily.
There was a short silence. Finally Lloyd said, "Um, Rai? Mind telling me what she said? How could you hear, anyway?"
"You mean you couldn't understand anything?"
"I listened as hard as I could, but..."
Rai realized suddenly. "Oh. It must be because I'm a half-elf. We've got better hearing." He thought back over what he'd said and cursed inwardly. He probably shouldn't have brought up his race again.
"Oh, I should have known," Lloyd said cheerfully. "Uh, anyway, what did she say then? Are they okay?" he added worriedly.
"Yeah, they're fine," Rai managed through another jolt of pain from his injured shoulder as he tried to shift his position. Lloyd seemed to notice something odd in his voice.
"Did you get hurt?" he asked. Rai gritted his teeth through another onslaught of pain but couldn't hold back a gasp of pain.
"Yes," he admitted tersely. "My -" he hissed again, "my shoulder. Dislocated. Could you help me out?"
Lloyd seemed to understand what he meant because he shifted slightly and then, after some difficulty due to the lack of light, placed his hands carefully on Rai, one at his shoulder and the other braced at the side of his neck. "Good thing the Professor taught me this. It's going to hurt a bit," he warned, gently probing Rai's shoulder with his fingers, which were bare - he must have removed his gloves. He was probably trying to get a feel for where the bone was supposed to be.
"I know," Rai said more sharply than he'd intended. "Can you just get it over with?" He narrowed his eyes and braced himself, but he still couldn't help his hiss of pain as Lloyd quickly jerked his arm back into place.
"Sorry. Did that do it?" the swordsman asked.
Rai moved his arm experimentally, rolling his shoulder. "Yeah, I think so. Thanks." He felt the ground carefully, to get an idea of what the footing would be like in this darkness, then stood, stumbling slightly and catching himself against Lloyd, who in turn must have braced his hand against the wall from the sound of it.
"Hey, careful," Lloyd said, a hint of playfulness in his voice. That drained away as he added, "It's going to be a bit difficult getting out of here with no light. We'll have to stick pretty close to this wall."
Rai bit back the scathing retort. He knew Lloyd wasn't trying to be patronizing, and that his own mood was just sour. He shouldn't take it out on Lloyd. "We'll manage," he said stiffly, pushing past Lloyd and starting to move forward while keeping close to the side of the cavern. After a short pause, he heard the other start up after him.
They traveled in silence for only a few moments before Lloyd spoke. "Did I offend you?"
Rai sighed. "No." Somehow, in the following silence, Rai felt like Lloyd didn't believe him. "Okay, maybe a little bit. But I'm just being me, you know. Rude. Easily offended. I'm working on it."
"That's not what I meant," Lloyd sighed. "I just...I want to learn how to stop doing that. It sucks for you to keep being offended because I don't know how to word things."
"It's fine," Rai insisted. He really needed to stop snapping at Lloyd every time he was in a bad mood. Even as this thought crossed his mind, a wave of nausea washed over him. Somehow, this darkness wasn't agreeing with him, and Akira didn't seem to like it much either; he could feel the tension radiating from his other self. He was forced to stop as the feeling threatened to become overwhelming, and Lloyd bumped into him from behind. The very air around him seemed to be closing in.
"You okay?"
It took a few moments for him to respond. "I hope so," he managed finally, voice thick. "I...hell, I need to get out of this place."
Lloyd sounded worried. "I think we're almost out, but it will be a few more minutes still...do you want to stop and rest?"
He didn't want to, but...he was starting to think he'd have no choice. If he could see, the world would have been spinning, but as it was he felt dizzy and had to lean heavily against the wall.
"Rai?"
He remembered the question. "I guess so," he said weakly, letting himself slide to the floor and cradling his head between his knees. He hardly heard Lloyd lower himself to the ground nearby, but he felt it when a gloved hand tentatively touched his back.
"Do you feel ill?"
"Don't touch me," he groaned, and Lloyd pulled his hand back as if he'd been burned.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No."
They sat in silence for a while, Rai breathing heavily and fighting off waves of nausea. His head was pounding terribly, and he felt a sense of terror - about what, he had no idea. Was it the darkness that was causing it? Why? His head split in a fresh wave of pain as a silent command made itself known in his mind.
Kill. Humans should die.
The voice was high and unbroken - the voice of a child. But it struck in him a terrible fear, though he still couldn't place its source. He could feel trembling wrack his body and he pressed his head hard to his knees, trying to stop. Nobody is here, he argued shakily to himself. Nobody but you and Lloyd. That voice was nothing but a figment of your imagination. Get it together!
Kill the boy!
His hands started to move, reaching almost against his will towards where Lloyd sat beside him, quivering with murderous intent.
Then W had broken itself back into existence, even though he'd heard nothing from it for quite a few days until now. No, no, no, no, no, it was saying frantically, making Rai's heart speed to a startled thrum. I don't want to, don't want to kill anyone - let me die instead - Some other voice tried to respond to this, but Rai couldn't bear it any longer.
NO!
W's voice faded away, at least he thought it had, leaving only the cold air of the cave and the blood roaring in Rai's ears, making his head pound. He'd broken out in a cold sweat, but the surroundings were returning to him more clearly and the nausea was fading away, though the fear was still there, clearer than ever. He didn't feel like himself. Lloyd's hands were on his shoulders, shaking him.
"Snap out of it, Rai," the swordsman said urgently. Rai hardly cared what he was saying. His sense of relief at remembering that another person was here with him was so great that he couldn't help but lean into him, barely holding back the urge to cry. What was wrong with him? He inhaled shakily, trying to get ahold of himself, but hot liquid spilled out of his eyes all the same. Somehow the hardness, the voices, his shell, his mask - all seemed to have dissolved until it was only just him, torn apart by the darkness and the voice, that voice -
He inhaled again, so sharply that it was nearly a sob, and let himself collapse against Lloyd's presence, trying to remind himself of where he was, when he was. Lloyd hesitated before putting one arm around him, rubbing his back slightly in an attempt to comfort. He said nothing now, perhaps realizing that asking questions wouldn't help. Rai's breathing was fast, labored, almost hysterical, and he tried to force himself to slow it, to calm down. Lloyd must have noticed the tears - he'd have felt them, at this range - but to his credit he said nothing, just stayed right where he was. Silent. Accepting.
Helplessly, Rai cried.
Lloyd kept still, and his movements when he made them were very careful. He felt like the situation was fragile, and that any wrong move would bring everything crashing down.
Rai was openly sobbing now, which gave Lloyd a weird feeling because it made everything feel so unreal. He had an idea that this boy here with him now was not Rai, or at least not the Rai that walked around with them every day. Maybe it was the boy he'd seen only a few times before while Rai was sleeping - but he'd never before surfaced with the half-elf was awake. This boy was hurt, and afraid, and didn't know how to handle either of those things. The usual Rai embodied none of this, which was what made this so confusing.
Who was this stranger that lived inside the half-elf? Was it his true self? Was it some shadow of him that represented what he had been as a child? Lloyd didn't know, he couldn't know, so he only held him, trying to just be here, trying not to think so much. The boy - Lloyd was having a very difficult time thinking of him as Rai - shook in his arms and his hands tightened on Lloyd's back. Lloyd reflexively pulled him closer in response, making a shushing noise as if he were soothing a child. He thought maybe he was. He'd thought for a second the boy might be calming down, but then he began breathing too quickly again and his breaths became fast and violent, his whole body quivering. "N-no," he pleaded, his voice so thin, so small, so much so that it hardly seemed like Rai's voice, but at the same time it was. "I don't want to. No more."
Lloyd hadn't told him to do anything. He felt a cold chill run down his spine. "It's okay," he said firmly, putting his voice close to the upset half-elf's ear. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."
He wasn't sure if he'd been heard. Rai continued, "Please don't - don't make me - I don't want to die - "
"You're not dying!" Lloyd said firmly, not letting him go on a second longer. "Rai - please - you're here, with me, not in whatever terrible situation you're remembering. You're strong, you can fight. Nobody can make you do anything. You're not going to die..." He continued, just saying whatever was on his mind, not wanting this to go on one second longer. The half-elf went a bit stiller and lifted his head from the crook of Lloyd's neck. Maybe he was listening. Emboldened, Lloyd continued. "I won't hurt you," he said urgently. "It's me, Lloyd. Come on, snap out of it. You're not in danger."
Finally Rai seemed to go completely motionless. The tears stopped slowly as the half-elf brought his shuddering breaths under control. "I...w-what...?" But it was Rai's voice again, now. It seemed like he'd returned to himself. Lloyd felt such relief flood through him that his whole body sagged with it. That had been freaking scary. He released his grip and let his forehead drop onto the fabric of Rai's shoulder, now having to bring his own breathing under control. He felt like he'd just fought a strenuous battle.
"Lloyd?" Rai's voice was even clearer now, though he still sounded shaken and out of his element. "Are you all right? What happened?" He could feel the vibrations of the half-elf's voice when he spoke.
Lloyd felt a long, tired breath leave him. It was a few seconds before he worked up the will to lift his head and blink his eyes open - not that this mattered, anyway, in the unrelenting darkness that he was really starting to hate. "You mean you don't remember?"
Rai's voice when he answered was both apologetic and apprehensive. He probably had some idea that whatever had happened hadn't been good. "Only sort of. I remember feeling unwell, and kind of...scared...and then everything's kind of a blur. What was I...?" He shuddered and fell silent. They were still sitting close, though Rai had stopped leaning against him, but Lloyd didn't have the energy to move. He'd let Rai field this one. The half-elf didn't move either.
Finally, after they'd sat in silence for a few moments, Lloyd decided he needed to take control of the situation. Rai seemed perfectly content to just sit here, perfectly still - maybe he was in shock or something, or trying to remember what had just happened - but Lloyd didn't think he could bear this place for much longer. He extricated himself from Rai and forced himself to his feet, staggering a little bit. One of his feet had fallen asleep. "Let's get out of here."
For a few seconds he thought Rai wouldn't respond, but then he said wearily, "Good idea."
They stumbled their way up the hallway in a subdued silence. Neither spoke again until they'd reached the sunlight.
"What should we do now?"
Rai looked back at him through swollen eyes. He looked exhausted. Lloyd wasn't sure if he'd registered the question. "How about I go hunt something for us to eat," he suggested, when it was clear his companion wasn't going to answer. "It's almost dark, after all, so we shouldn't try to head back to Triet tonight. You should rest."
Rai only blinked at him. Lloyd sighed, and then put a hand on his shoulder and guided him to the corner of the clearing, gently pushing him down next to a large stone slab where the party had camped earlier. "I'll make a campfire," he announced finally, though he was pretty sure now that Rai wasn't hearing a word he said. "That should help keep monsters away, but I can set Noishe to keep watch just in case. You should get some sleep if you can."
Rai might have nodded, but he wasn't sure. The half-elf was staring at the ground now, his hands clenched into fists. Lloyd hesitated, then rummaged in his pack for the cloak he'd brought with him, draping it around Rai's shoulders. It was starting to get cold as the light faded and it didn't seem like Rai would have the presence of mind to do anything himself. Then he set to work.
Not long after, Lloyd was roasting some small rodents he'd found over the campfire. Rai still leaned against the tree, now staring into the flames. Lloyd finished cooking one of the animals and he pushed the stick it was skewered on into Rai's hand. The half-elf finally took it after some nudging, and some level of awareness entered his eyes. "Thanks," he said faintly. "Sorry, I'm a bit out of it right now."
"I noticed," Lloyd said dryly as he quickly skinned the next rodent. "You going to be okay?"
Rai sighed. "I hope so. I've remembered some of what happened back there - I totally fell apart." His voice was bitter now. "I was like a frightened little kid. I couldn't even keep my head wrapped around reality." He shook his head in disgust, his knuckles whitening on the stick. "I was pathetic."
The self-hate in his voice was so strong that Lloyd felt alarmed. "That's not true," he said quickly. Rai gave him a narrow-eyed stare. "Okay, yeah, so maybe you weren't super in control of the situation. Maybe you were even a little scared, fine. It happens. There's obviously something going on there - maybe you have some bad memories that came back to you at that moment. That doesn't make you pathetic."
Rai broke eye contact, staring down at the meat instead. "You would say that," he muttered. "Can you really tell me you didn't feel pity, feel disgust, when I clung to you for no reason and sobbed like a toddler?"
"Of course I didn't!" Lloyd burst out, feeling a little angry now. "I was worried about you! Yeah, it frightened me, the way you were acting, but not because I was disgusted or thought you were pathetic. It was because it seemed like you were in pain and I wanted to help. There was nothing I could do, and I hate the idea of just watching people suffering right in front of my eyes and doing nothing about it!"
Rai glanced back up at him, something odd in his gaze. "So you would have done the same for just anyone?" he asked softly, his eyes burning into Lloyd's with some significance Lloyd didn't understand. He felt like he was missing something here, as if Rai was really asking some other question, but he didn't know what the right answer was.
"I don't want anyone to suffer without cause," he said honestly. "I think that if someone were in pain, I would try to do what I could to help, no matter whether I knew them or not."
Rai's face tightened and he looked away again. Lloyd's heart sank a bit. He'd said something wrong, it seemed. "Of course you would," the half-elf murmured, his voice oddly empty. He took his first bite of the food, which had probably gone slightly cold by now. He seemed like he wasn't going to say anything else, but Lloyd wasn't happy with that. He was tired of trying to guess what was on Rai's mind.
"I'm sorry."
Rai glanced up again tiredly. "Why?"
"I know I said something wrong again."
A bitter expression crossed the other's face. "You didn't say anything wrong, Lloyd."
"But I did!" Lloyd burst out, a bit louder then he'd intended. He lowered his voice again. "I know you didn't like something I said. I can't read your mind, Rai. You have to tell me for me to know."
"Why do you care if I didn't like what you said?" Rai shot back. Then he gave a short laugh. "Oh, right. You care about that with everyone, is that it? If anyone seemed to be offended by something you said, you'd stop at nothing to get to the bottom of it. Friend or foe. Whether you knew them or not. No big deal."
"What?!" Lloyd closed his eyes briefly in frustration. "I don't understand what you're trying to say. What's wrong with caring about that?"
"I don't need that compassion," Rai said coldly. "Save it for the other thousands of people you give it to. Ignoring just me won't matter."
Something dawned on Lloyd. "Rai," he said carefully. "It's true that I don't want to see anyone in pain. But you're different from just anyone else. You're my friend."
"Am I?"
"Of course you are!" Lloyd said, exasperated with Rai's tone. "And my relationship with every one of my friends is different. It's not like I go around caring about people just for the sake of caring about them, you know! Recently, I want to know more and more what you're thinking. I want to help you. I want to know what makes you sad. I want to understand all the things that confuse me about you. That interest isn't something that I just project outwards to every single person. It's my relationship with you specifically."
Rai looked mostly unmoved, but there was a faint color in his cheeks. "You're just saying that," he muttered.
"Am not. And you know it."
The coldness in the half-elf's posture seemed to melt, and he looked at Lloyd again, his green eyes only slightly exasperated. "Why do I let you do this?" he mused, half to himself.
"Because we're friends now," Lloyd said firmly. "That isn't something you can just erase by wanting to. You can't run away from it just like that."
Rai sighed. "Maybe...you're right," he said, wonderingly. Then he put his face into his palm and groaned. "Martel. I can't believe I just said that."
Lloyd felt some of the tension fade away, and he laughed. "Hey, I can be right sometimes, you know. Although not as much as you, Prince of Logic."
"Don't call me that," Rai said, but there was no bite to his voice. Lloyd marveled at the fact that he was actually showing his embarrassment. Maybe he'd decided that, after breaking down in front of Lloyd, there was no point being emotionless anymore. Lloyd was glad for it.
"You're all red." He wasn't really, but by Rai's usual standards he was a tomato.
Rai punched him in the shoulder, which actually hurt. "Shut up, Lloyd." He hesitated, then met Lloyd's gaze squarely. "Thanks."
Lloyd grinned easily. "No problem. Your Highness," he couldn't resist adding, and then dodged the next blow to his arm. He shivered a little, realizing for the first time that the fire was starting to die out. "Man, it's cold." He fed some more twigs into it.
Rai finished eating his meal and poked his stick into the fire as well. "What's the plan, then?"
Lloyd was a little taken aback. "You're asking me? Haven't you planned it all out in your head already?"
"I have," Rai admitted, "but it would be a little one-sided of me to just decide everything on my own, right?"
"Who is this and where is Rai Sage?"
"I'm starting to think you want me to be terrible to you," Rai grumbled. Lloyd capitulated quickly.
"Forget I said anything." He grinned a little. "I was thinking we'd wait and see if the others made it out, then try going back to Triet in the morning for help if they don't."
"That's what Raine said, too," Rai admitted. "I'm surprised at you, Lloyd. Actually I'm surprised that you didn't insist on staying back there in the ruins to dig through the avalanche. With our bare hands. In the pitch dark."
"Hey, you're not the only one trying to change," Lloyd protested. "You and Kratos and the Professor are right about one thing, at least. I have to start thinking through my actions if I want to protect Colette - protect anyone, really."
"Wow. Our little Lloydie is growing up."
It was Lloyd's turn to blush. "Hey! I'm older than you, you know!"
"Yeah, yeah, details."