Genis had to admit that the Ossa trail scared him a little.
Although he'd kind of had his fair share of being in less-than-inviting places before now, what with the Desian ranch and the Triet Ruins, each new area seemed to bring its own perils. Now that they were out of the desert and into a more habitable area, the poisonous vipers and scorpions seemed to have mainly subsided, but Genis could feel the presence of many other creatures in the vegetation here. It kept him tense, battle-ready, even as he tried to keep the group talking.
They weren't making it easy for him, either. Lloyd seemed to have remembered again that he'd been worried about Colette, because now he was trailing after her like a watchful bodyguard, and of course Kratos was as impassive as ever. Genis had hoped he'd at least be able to strike up some conversation with Rai, but his brother appeared weirdly tense and distracted.
Although maybe it wasn't that weird now - he'd just been weird in general ever since all this Regeneration stuff had started.
Genis sighed a little and quickened his pace a little bit to catch up with Raine, who was walking in the lead with her blue eyes narrowed critically at the path ahead.
"Do you know how long this trail is, Raine?" he asked, for lack of something to say. She answered without taking her eyes off the road.
"It'll take us until nightfall to get through it, most likely. Factoring in a short stop in the middle to get something to eat."
Genis nodded, having expected something like that. "Hey, Raine - did you notice it seems like there are some underground catacombs here?"
She gave him a brief, approving glance. "Yes, Genis - you're right. They were left behind by the same ancient civilization that left so many other ruins - most likely some kind of mining tunnels. That's about all that's been documented about them."
Lloyd, a few paces behind them, seemed to perk up at this. "Woah, tunnels! Professor, can we - "
"No," Raine said in mock exasperation, not even letting him finish. "Lloyd, this journey is perilous enough as it is. We don't need to go looking for trouble."
Lloyd looked crushed. "But - "
"It's okay, Lloyd," Colette murmured. "We can always come back later, after the Regeneration."
Lloyd looked a little appeased. "Ah, yeah, you're right," he chuckled. Raine didn't look at either of them, something tired and sad lining her expression, and Genis felt a heaviness in his chest that he didn't know how to voice. On impulse, he glanced back at Rai, who was trailing behind at the very rear, but his brother didn't even seem to be paying any attention to the conversation.
Genis wondered how Rai could pride himself on being so analytical and observant when half the time he quite literally didn't perceive things that were right in front of his face.
He decided to try again, slowing his pace until he was back next to Rai. "Hey, what's wrong with you today?" he probed softly. Rai blinked like he was waking up from a trance and then looked at Genis.
"I'm just worried about the Journey," he said, in that light tone he always used when he was making excuses. Genis sighed.
"Rai, can you do me a favor?"
His brother's green eyes turned wary. "What is it?"
"Don't lie to me. I understand you can't tell me everything, but then just say so, say that you can't tell me. I want you to stop lying."
Rai said nothing, his expression neutral. Genis kept eye contact for a few more moments and then let out all his breath in frustration.
"Am I really asking something so hard, Rai?"
Rai simply looked at him for a few more moments, during which Genis tried and failed to read his expression. "I guess I shouldn't lie again in response to this," he eventually joked, and Genis could have hit him. "Anyway...look, Genis. I'm different from you. What you're asking may seem obvious to you, but it's not necessarily that easy for me."
"Because it's so hard to just not lie when I already know every time you lie anyway," Genis said sarcastically, letting some of his frustration bleed into his tone.
"If you really do know when I lie, it shouldn't matter either way," Rai pointed out maddeningly.
"That's not the point," Genis insisted. "It's about the principle of the thing. Lying feels like you don't trust me. Lying feels like you think I'll be fooled. Do you really not understand how well I know you, Rai?"
Rai's eyes flashed and Genis knew he'd hit a nerve. "No matter how well you know me, you still don't know everything," Rai said in a low voice. He kept going when Genis tried to speak. "Let's stop arguing, Genis. I feel like we hardly ever talk without arguing anymore. Can't you just let it go?"
Genis glared at him but subsided, turning his gaze back to the front and noticing the uncomfortable silence from the rest of the party, who had obviously heard the whole conversation but were trying to pretend they didn't exist. Genis sighed, and Lloyd let out an awkward laugh.
"Ah, so...wow, the sky is just so blue today, isn't it guys?"
Genis closed his eyes. "Lloyd. Shut up."
"Hey, it is, though!" Lloyd protested.
"Wow, you're right, Lloyd!" Colette exclaimed. Genis rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, such a surprise after it having been blue every other day before this," he drawled, flitting his eyes to Rai. His brother was directing an icy look at the back of Colette's head. Genis elbowed him.
"It really is, though," Colette chirped sincerely. "It's so pretty, it surprises me each and every day." Genis couldn't help his wince. He snuck another look at Rai, who now looked downright murderous.
Yeah, this would be a long day.
Lloyd had been giving him weird looks quite literally nonstop ever since his conversation with Genis, so Rai wasn't too surprised when the swordsman drew him aside as soon as they'd made camp for the night.
"Rai, can I talk to you?"
"Do I even have a choice?" Rai said wryly, even as Lloyd turned to lead the way without waiting for his response. Resignedly, Rai followed. He didn't particularly want to deal with Lloyd right now, not while he had so many other things on his mind - why hadn't Sheena been here? Still, maybe it was best to just hear Lloyd out and get it over with.
After they were several paces away from the others, Lloyd turned and met his eyes squarely. "Rai, I agree with Genis."
Well, that much was obvious. Rai waited, but Lloyd didn't continue.
"So?"
There was a hint of confusion in the other's eyes. "What do you mean, 'so'? Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Well, of course you agree with him," Rai pointed out. "What about it?"
"You don't seem like you agree."
"I don't," Rai confirmed. "Again, what about it?"
Lloyd's gloved hands formed into fists. "Stop acting this way."
"What way?"
He should have seen that punch coming, now that he came to think of it. Rai got to his feet, scowling heavily and rubbing his aching jaw.
"What happened to the person who was so against my getting injured before?" he snapped, feeling more hurt than was probably necessary. "You seem okay with aggravating the wounds now."
Lloyd looked slightly abashed, but only slightly. "You had it coming. Rai - do you lie to me, too?"
What a stupid question.
Rai opened his mouth to say 'of course not', but when he looked at the expression on Lloyd's face he didn't quite manage to get the words out. His silence was answer enough.
"How can you believe that's right?" Lloyd said angrily. "You shouldn't lie to your friends!" When Rai still didn't respond, Lloyd's gaze darkened further. "Or is it that you don't consider us to be your friends?"
Tread carefully. "It's not that," Rai said, trying to sound as non-aggressive as possible. "Maybe we just define friendship differently. I don't think even a friend has the right to demand truth all the time." Even as he said it, he could tell just by looking that Lloyd didn't understand. Maybe I'm wasting my time here.
"It's not about demanding things," Lloyd insisted. "It's because if you're lying, that means you don't trust the other person. If you don't trust them, how can you be friends?"
"I don't even trust myself, Lloyd, how do you expect me to trust you?!" Rai snapped, then reigned in his temper with an effort. "Look, it's not that I don't trust your or Genis's intentions. But good intentions aren't enough sometimes!"
"I guess friendship is impossible, then," Lloyd shot back. "You won't even bother to show me your true self, or consider me a true friend."
Rai felt his expression harden along with his heart. "That's that, then," he said coldly. "You needn't try either." He turned on his heel.
"Wait - Rai - " It seemed to be dawning on Lloyd just what he'd said, but Rai wasn't exactly feeling very gracious towards him right now. "Rai, wait!"
Rai stopped in his tracks and turned back to glare at the other's grip on his wrist. Lloyd let go quickly and held up his hands, gaze imploring. "Sorry. Hold on - that's not what I meant, okay? Let me finish."
Rai didn't give him the consideration of an answer, opting to stare at him flatly instead. Lloyd rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
"Eh, right, so. Look, I...this is hard for me, too, okay? Normally it's simple, people who lie or cheat or steal are bad people and I'm not friends with them. But even though you do things like tell lies and say rude things to people and...ah..." He looked apprehensive, but plunged onwards. "...anyway, you do some of those things, but I don't think you're actually a bad person! I - I know you're a good guy, Rai. I know you actually care, deep down...that's why I want to consider you a friend. But it's confusing, because from the things you do, you're not the sort of guy I'd want to be friends with. No - I mean! That didn't come out right - "
"I get it," Rai cut in, saving them both the trouble. Despite his efforts to hold on to his anger, it was waning fast. Lloyd was just such a well-intentioned, bumbling idiot that it was almost impossible to stay irritated at him. "It's hard for you to reconcile the discrepancy between my character and your paradigm of friendship with the fact that you consider me a friend."
Lloyd looked sheepish. "Ah...yeah? I didn't quite understand all those words, but I think so."
Rai sighed. "Okay. Fine. Is that all?"
"I...well." Lloyd's dark eyes held an apology. "So...truce?"
Come to think of it, Lloyd's eyes weren't all that dark, not compared to Akira's...they were closer to brown than black. Like a chocolate brown...
Why was he thinking about this? His eyes closed briefly. "Fine," he caved.
"And...can you...try to be more truthful with me? Just try," Lloyd added hurriedly. "I understand if you can't always do it."
"Fine, I'll try."
That was a lie, too, but Lloyd's expression was so hopeful that Rai felt like a jerk. Great. I need to stop letting him get to me.
"Anyway, are we done now?" Rai threw over his shoulder, starting to walk back towards the camp. He was starting to think he was getting the hang of dealing with Lloyd now. He wasn't that difficult to predict -
"Can I touch your hair?"
"Ye - What?" Rai stopped walking and gave him an incredulous look. Akira was snickering.
"It looks really soft and shiny," Lloyd said, with no embarrassment whatsoever. Rai opened his mouth and closed it. "Not like mine," Lloyd added when he didn't respond.
Rai found his voice again. "That's because you slather it with gel every morning."
"I - how did you know?!"
The objection actually startled a laugh out of Rai. "Lloyd, do you actually think anyone would believe your hair could be so gravity-defying without it?"
"Oh. Yeah. Heh, good point." The hand at the back of the neck was back as Lloyd chuckled sheepishly. "So...anyway. Can I?"
He'd almost forgotten the question.
"No, but you're going to do it anyway, aren't you?"
"Yep!" Lloyd slipped off his gloves - at least he'd had the foresight to do that much - and tucked them into his belt. Then he reached out reverently and stroked Rai's hair.
"Lloyd, this is more than a little weird."
"Right, sorry, almost done!"
"Okay, that's enough. Any more and I'll start messing with your hair."
Lloyd's hands left his head immediately and his face split into a grin. "Your hair is soft."
"I'm starting to think you're actually insane."
"What does ins - "
"Don't ask," Rai groaned. "Never mind."
"Hey, tell me!"
They bickered all the way back to camp, but to his chagrin, Rai wasn't genuinely irritated for a minute of it.
The dark, early-morning sky above was still, and there was no sound but for the wind sifting through leaves. For a few moments, the two figures standing in the shadow of a large cliff said nothing. Finally, the taller of two spoke.
"Yuan, I've told you many times. Although I'm looking past it in light of our friendship, you won't be able to keep this from Mithos for long."
The half-elf crossed his arms and looked away, his green eyes hard. "That's nobody's business but my own, Kratos. Or are you planning to move against me on your own?"
"You already know the answer to that. I care only about bringing peace to the two worlds, but the revival of Martel has no importance to me. I don't think she herself would have wanted to be brought back to life in this way."
At the mention of Martel, the pain in Yuan's eyes was obvious, but none of it bled into his speech. "Then we have nothing to discuss."
Kratos sighed. His friend wasn't going to be convinced. He knew that sooner or later, Mithos would find out that Yuan was the true leader of the Renegades who kept foiling Cruxis's plans, and he didn't particularly want to be around when that happened. Mithos would be absolutely furious, and his state of mind right now wasn't exactly the most sane...
"Oh, right. I wanted to ask you, Kratos - why did your group slaughter four of my Renegades? They wouldn't have engaged you in battle on their own."
"...Do you really think I will discuss that with you, Yuan?"
"No, I suppose not." Yuan's eyes glinted with suspicion. "I can only assume your group has something to hide. And considering certain...factors, I have a good idea about what it is. ...Be careful, Kratos. If you step wrong, your son's life could very well come into jeopardy."
Kratos stepped forward threateningly, his eyes flashing. "If you cause harm to him in any way, then your life is forfeit," he growled.
Yuan held his gaze for a few moments, then amended, "It'd be a last resort, of course. ...Mithos is holding that over you as well, isn't he?"
Kratos only grunted noncommittally in reply. It was true, of course. Mithos Ygdrassill was a friend in name, but in reality he kept him close simply because he knew too much about Kratos to be safely made an enemy. Even Yuan was only safe because Mithos still believed he was on their side.
Still. If Yuan was going to use Lloyd as a bargaining chip...
"There's something I do need to share with you."
"What is it?" Yuan asked, his green eyes sharpening with suspicion.
Kratos hesitated for a moment. "The child you refused to acknowledge fifteen years ago...He didn't die."
Something unreadable flashed in Yuan's expression, but there was none of the shock Kratos had expected. "I know," he said stiffly. "I encountered him recently."
Kratos rallied quickly. "You're probably curious about why he's still alive. As you know, I initially brought him back to Cruxis as my own son. However, Mithos was getting too heavy-handed with him, so I placed him elsewhere. Mithos believes he is dead."
"Why are you telling me this?" Yuan asked coldly, still not meeting his gaze.
"He's your son, Yuan!" Kratos snapped.
"I have no son!" Yuan snarled, his eyes snapping back to meet Kratos's.
"Denying it won't make it untrue."
"He's dead to me, Kratos. It was that way when you brought him to me fifteen years ago, and it's the same way now."
"How can you be so irresponsible?!" Kratos snapped. He wanted to physically hit Yuan until he came to his senses. "Refusing to acknowledge him back then was bad enough, but your son is alive and is nearly an adult now. You can't just hide from that."
"Why had you led me to believe he was dead for the past ten years, then?" Yuan shot back. "Until a few days ago, I had no idea he was alive!"
"I knew that you had never wanted him, so I thought it was best to tell you that. Since I left him and did my best to forget him for ten years, even I didn't know if he was still alive. But now I've stumbled across him again through sheer chance, and somehow he remembers me." His voice was thick with despair now. "I did him so much wrong, and - the boy still thinks I'm his father, Yuan! He deserves the truth at least!"
"I assume you're talking about me?"
Kratos's blood ran cold as Rai stepped into view around the tall outcropping, face shadowed by the dim evening light. How had Kratos not noticed him approaching? Had he really been that distracted?
"Cat got your tongue, Kratos?" Rai said, sounding faintly amused. The composed expression on his face was entirely unnatural. What he had just heard had to have shocked him terribly, but the utter lack of concern nonetheless present in his voice sent a chill down Kratos's spine. "So you weren't my father after all." He sounded mildly interested now, as if he was curious about something.
Frozen in place, Kratos darted his eyes to Yuan. The man's facade had finally cracked - he wore an expression of complete and total shock. Kratos couldn't blame him; Rai in this particular mode was rather unsettling.
Rai turned his face towards Yuan. "So you are my biological father. Interesting." He paused, then added, as if he had just remembered something, "Ah. I apologize for being alive," he said seriously. "I must have given you quite a nasty shock the other day. No wonder you were so surprised, I was wondering about that."
For the first time in more than a hundred years, Kratos saw Yuan absolutely lost for words. The half-elf simply stared at his son, his eyes lost. Both standing together in the same place like this, their resemblance was obvious. Rai looked more like his father than he did his mother; they had nearly the same nose and a similar overall facial structure, and their eyes, despite being different shapes, were precisely the same shade of green. Even his hair wasn't fully his mother's; although it was almost white, there was a hint of blue.
Still, Kratos knew there was something about Rai's face, a soft beauty, that reminded him of the elf Yuan had become entangled with years ago.
Finally Yuan seemed to regain some semblance of control. "A-at any rate. Rai - you seem to have misunderstood something. I am not your father - "
"Please," Rai snapped. "Do not underestimate my intelligence. I'm hardly asking you to take responsibility or to publicly proclaim me as your son, but don't try to deny what's obvious."
Yuan looked weary. He raised a hand to his forehead, eyes closed, and then finally turned to Kratos. "Look, I - why don't we discuss this later? This has been a long day..."
There was nothing but pure exhaustion in the lines of his face now. Kratos couldn't blame him. He had not only recently found out that the son he'd rejected was still alive, but that very son had realized the same thing, appeared in front of his eyes and confronted him, acting like a soulless angel. Rai cut in, unfazed. "We must meet again later, then. I have questions to ask you, Yuan. Even though I'm not asking you to act like a father, I think I deserve some answers at least."
Normally, Yuan would probably have refused, but at this point Kratos didn't think he would have the energy to object even if Rai insisted on going back with him right now.
"Very well. I will return." Without another word, the blue-haired angel sprouted his wings and leapt into the air. Within a few seconds, he was out of sight in the darkness.
Raine had been planning to have a word with Rai when he got back about just wandering off on his own, but when her brother finally appeared on the trail she took one look at him and stopped short. Rai's eyes were blank, and he didn't even look at her as he walked slowly towards the fire, passing several people until he reached his pack. Then he wordlessly extricated his sleeping cloth and lay down, all without acknowledging her or maybe without even noticing she was there.
This behavior was starting to become more frequent, she realized, and it worried her. It was characteristic of Rai to be like this when something happened to shock or worry him, but the fact that it was a state he was now in almost more often than not was...both telling and difficult to explain. The Journey might be stressful, but not enough so to merit this.
What was going on with her brother these days? Raine cast her mind back. This had first started around the time Kratos had come to the village - she still remembered the time when Rai had had that suspicious meeting with the man, and then retreated into his shell afterwards - and had continued, on and off, throughout the Journey. There had been the morning they set off, the time after that incident with the Desians, the time just after the Triet ruins, and now...it was all too often. What did all of these incidents have in common? The one with the Desians she thought she might understand. The others, however, seemed unrelated. She could only conclude that there had been other factors she hadn't been aware of.
Raine made up her mind. She'd wait to bring this up to Rai, but if she couldn't find out from him then she could at least ask Lloyd and Genis, one or both of whom was sure to suspect something. Genis had been close to Rai for a long time; she had to admit that he was better at reading their brother than she was. Lloyd had also grown quite friendly with him of late. She'd have to bring it up.
She couldn't help but notice, too, that Kratos was also absent. Had Rai encountered him again, and had they discussed something that had been disturbing? Rai had departed shortly after Kratos had - the mercenary supposedly to scout the nearby area for enemies and Rai to take a stroll - but on second thought, maybe it had been purposeful. Perhaps Rai had some reason to want to speak to Kratos alone, away from the rest of the group.
She thought back to the earlier argument between Rai and Genis and sighed. That, too, had been a long-standing issue - Rai's inability to be truthful even about the smallest of things - but it wasn't until now that it had become such a major problem. It seemed like Rai was hiding more from Genis than ever before, or perhaps Genis had simply become more perceptive. Either way, this didn't bode well for their relationship. Raine knew Genis wouldn't turn his back on Rai - he cared about his brother too much to do that - but feelings of hurt, of not being trusted, could run deep. It could form an irreparable rift in their relationship, and she didn't want that.
Not like what had happened with her...
She sighed. She had tried, she really had. Keeping her relationship with Rai good would have been hard enough if they'd had a stable one to begin with, but she'd never quite managed to establish one in the early years, because the young Rai had been almost more unpredictable than he was now. At least at this point she had some idea of what to expect from him; back then, she had been continually shocked and blindsided by his behavior. And the child, in turn, had sensed her mistrust and taken it to heart. She loved Rai, she really did, but she had to admit that there was a thread of misunderstanding between them, some level of wariness that they both had around the other - her because she had yet to understand aspects of him, and it was scary to think that she didn't know this child she had practically raised; and for his part, because - her heart gave a pang - he didn't truly believe she cared about him.
How ironic, she mused, that he associated her lack of trust and understanding in him with a supposed lack of love. The two didn't go hand in hand - Rai had to know this, as it was quite literally why he was arguing with Genis. She wondered whether he'd thought to apply it in this setting.
There had been a point in the beginning where she'd thought she had started to get an idea of what Rai was like, and how to handle him - but then that had occurred, and...
Raine shivered. She still couldn't understand, still couldn't begin to understand - how such a small child could view others' lives as so insignificant, like flies - how at such a young age he could have utter disregard for another race so thoroughly enmeshed in his very way of thinking. In hindsight, it probably had to do with whoever his guardian or guardians had been before he had come to live with her - whoever they were, Raine would kill them if she ever met them, because what did they do to the poor child - but at the time, she had been unable to react with anything but shock and fear and mistrust. She'd tried to hide it, of course, but Rai had always been uncannily perceptive - almost more so as a child, before he'd learned to systematically lie to himself as well.
She had reason to suspect Rai had been, for lack of a kinder way to put it, abused as a young toddler. The way he used to withdraw into an empty shell of himself, and shrink back from her touch when he couldn't see her, and a great many other signs (some of which he'd grown out of, others of which he never had) - she'd recognized them from what she'd seen of other half-elf children in the past. It was an unfortunate commonality, that half-elven children who were raised by elves or humans almost never had happy upbringings. It was hardly surprising that so many grew up bitter or insane.
Raine sighed and arched her back, feeling her stiff muscles scream in protest. She'd been sitting here a few hours now, and she was looking forward to Kratos getting back so she could catch some sleep. He'd switch off with her again in a few hours, of course, but Raine was exhausted, and the mercenary had ungodly stamina. She caught herself wondering sometimes if he even needed sleep, impossible as it was that he didn't.
She glanced over at Rai one last time, feeling that familiar constrictive pain, like someone had a fist around her heart and was compressing slowly. Tentatively, she got to her feet and made her way over to his side, kneeling next to him and pausing to look at his face. His eyes stayed closed, but she wasn't sure that he was really asleep. She hoped he was, hoped he wasn't lying awake still worrying about whatever had been troubling him. Gently, she reached out and brushed his hair out of his face, tucking it neatly behind one long ear.
Her hand brushed against something cold as she did so and she started slightly, then realized that Rai was wearing earrings. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it before - maybe because his hair covered them - and when had he gotten them pierced, anyway? It wasn't a big enough deal for her to be irritated that he hadn't consulted with her about it, but it still saddened her. Rai had been trying to make his own decisions since he was four - never had he once voluntarily asked her about anything.
They looked nice, though - silver. Rai's ears were exceptionally long, but having the lobe piercing balanced them out a little bit - the overall effect was flattering. She doubted that was his reason for having them, though. She could sense a faint trickling of mana from the artifacts and had an inkling that they were enchanted. That was Rai, all right - ever practical. She sighed fondly, smoothing his hair a little more before getting to her feet again and making her way back to her post.
Though Raine did not notice it, Rai's eyes blinked open once her back was turned.
A/N: So...no Sheena yet. Don't worry, she'll show up eventually...
Thanks for your comments, xSporkyx! Raine's parts may increase in the future as she and Rai start to understand each other a bit better.
To everyone who's still reading, what do you think of this chapter? The story so far? Feedback does affect future updates, so if you have any, I definitely recommend taking a few seconds to communicate it. ^_^ Either way...until next time. Hopefully sooner rather than later!