Yeah, I know it's been a while but I have a good excuse. I was lazy. Loved the Fallout Amazon show, it actually felt like fallout. Though I didn't particularly like what they did to the NCR or how they were pushing the 'Vault Tec started the great war' theory, though it's still really unconfirmed. Honestly I prefer the mystery. Still, I'm really looking forward to season 2.
Chapter 4: Managers and Misunderstandings
Heaven, Palace of the Messenger
The man in the trench coat walked through the green halls of the heavenly palace, and with the holy light streaming through the windows, the entire place shone like a polished emerald. Beings of all shapes and sizes, be it avian humanoids, living flames or a stereotypical humans with wings made their way through the hallways, carrying packages and armfuls of paper. Some greeted one another as they crossed paths while others chatted as they walked. Yet no one greeted the stranger.
On earth, his appearance would make him blend into the background, unnoticed by all save the most perceptive. In heaven, his muted colors stood out amongst the ethereal beauty of both the land and its inhabitants. The fact that he had neither a halo nor wings had many question if he was even an angel, though that thought was quickly discarded once they sensed his power. Still, as he made his way down the hall every angel made sure to give him a wide berth.
That was fine by him. He was a nameless angel, an Ishim. He was the closest to humanity and was thus considered the lowest of the angels. Technically. The truth was that an Ishim was a servant by nature, yet their power reflected the angel that they served. It was only logical to be wary of a direct subordinate to an archangel.
As he made his way down the hall, he turned a corner and was surprised when someone slammed into him with a squeak. With a raised eyebrow, he glanced down and saw a young looking woman sprawled out on the floor and holding her head while groaning. Her skin was a light grey that almost looked silver, long periwinkle hair that went down to her thighs, beautiful blue eyes and white freckles across her cheeks and nose. She wore a white and blue dress that resembled something a princess might wear with periwinkle fingerless gloves. She was beautiful, more so than the standard angel as well as having a blue halo that resembled a tiara and six white wings on her back.
"Are you alright miss Emily?" The stranger asked in his monotone voice.
"Oh, uh y-yeah." She said standing up and dusting herself off. "I'm sorry for that sir."
"No harm, no foul." He said before leaning to the side and seeing that she was coming from where he was heading. "What does the youngest seraphim want from the Messenger of Heaven?"
Emily perked up and broke out into a smile. "Oh! You see I had an awesome idea! Recently it came to my attention that the people of earth don't have a lot of time to learn how to play music and I recently ran into a delightful soul named Agatha who always wanted to play with the old masters. So, I got to thinking, why not have a musical competition for musicians of all types and skills? The novices can play right beside the experts and lean from them while competing in their brackets. Soooo I decided to ask Gabriel for advice on how to organize an event like this as well as have him announce the event in tomorrow's news cycle."
The Ishim nodded his head. "An excellent idea. Humans both love and require competition."
"Thanks, I thought so as well. Oh! I'm Emily, but you already knew that." she said rubbing the back of her head. "But I would like to apologize again Mr…?"
"Stranger. Both a name given to me, my title and what I am. It fits." He said with a blank face.
"Well sorry again Mr. Stranger and I hope you have a pleasant day!" she said as she walked away and waved goodbye.
Stranger gave her a nod before continuing on his way. He made his way to the golden double doors and knocked three times. There was a gruff "Enter" before he opened the door and walked into the office.
The room was cozy with forest green wallpaper with a floral pattern and several framed newspaper articles and several old filing cabinets. There was a mahogany desk in the center of the room and a heavy smoke hung in the air, one that smelled like flowers. In the corner of the room sat a wooden radio that played soft trumpet jazz. Behind the desk sat the archangel himself. He was taller than the average human with skin an obsidian black, short white hair and with a similar colored goatee, brilliant golden eyes and wrinkles that made him look like a man in his fifties. His outfit consisted of a white dress shirt with rolled up sleeves, green slacks, a yellow bowtie and green fedora with a slip of paper with the word 'Press' sticking out of the yellow band. He also had a cigarette between his lips that burned as he tapped away at the black typewriter in front of him.
He glanced up at the angel in the trench coat and his eyes widened. "Stranger? What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting a report for another few years." Gabriel said in a deep but gentle voice.
"I was forced to come in early sir. We may have a problem."
"Anything in need of immediate attention?" Gabriel asked before leaning back in his chair.
"Possibly."
Gabriel nodded at Stranger before taking the cigarette out of his mouth and snuffing it out in an ashtray. "Alright before I hear about the problem, just give me a summary of what's going on with earth. How are the potential leaders of men doing?"
"Most of the ones under my watch are doing well. Queen Morgan ascended the throne and managed to annex Ireland and Scotland mostly through trade deals and created what she is calling the Republic of Camelot. Amon declared himself pharaoh and is currently leading his people against the hordes of rogue automatons that plagued them. King Louis of the Franklands and Kaiserin Annalise of the Eisenland are entering a political marriage to tie their nations together, though I suspect there is more than politics to their union. Finally there is a man in Australia named Daku who I believe has potential to be a good king and might put an end to the war between the Road Raiders and the mutant Emus."
"I always knew those birds were trouble." Gabriel said with a shake of his head before glancing up at Stranger. "Wait, weren't you watching another human? Paul…uh Harbinger, yes a Paul Harbinger. Said he had the most potential to change the world, more than any of the others, correct?"
Stranger gave his boss a quick nod. "Yes, however he is the reason I am here. It appears he is missing."
That news was not something Gabriel expected to hear. Stranger was an expert tracker and observer and had the ability to find any mortal soul he was looking for, whether it be heaven or earth. If he was missing, that was cause for concern.
Gabriel took a long drag of his cigarette before speaking again. "In what way is he missing?"
"Paul Harbinger had taken leave of command of his empire for a years' time, intending to both see how well it functions without him as well as taking a sabbatical. However, on the second day of his rest, I sensed his presence vanish without warning. When I arrived to investigate, I found signs of battle as well as several discarded weapons. Weapons of infernal make, as well as the lingering scent of brimstone and several pools of blood belonging to the demons of wrath. There were no bodies to be found and I detected a disturbance that pointed towards a portal between the realms being opened."
"Oh son of a Babylonian whore," Gabriel cursed as his golden eyes widened. "You think he was taken to hell?"
The stranger gave him a simple nod without any emotion on his face. "I do."
"Oh f̶̨̨̮̟̪̣̺̘̲̘́Fu̴͇̤̳̮͋͐̒̉͜͝͠c̸͌͒̕k̶̢͎̹̝̲̲̰͌͂̒̎̏̈́͌͑͒̒̃͝!" Gabriel swore and the radio squealed and let out an ear piercing wail while the light in the room flared to life as symbols of the divine burned in the air. It was only a moment before the room returned to normal, but it was a reminder to Stranger just how powerful the elite angels truly were.
"Okay we can deal with this. Stranger, as of this moment you are relieved of your duties on earth, I'll have Miss Fortune take over until this is solved. As for you, I need you to head down to Hell and see if you can find Harbinger and bring him back to earth. Tell no one about this." Gabriel stressed the last sentence, eliciting a raised eyebrow from his servant.
"Why? Surely if Hell has made a move on earth, Sera should be told so that she can send Adam to deal with this. Monitoring Hell is his duty after all, and he has proven himself extremely devoted to the defense of humanity."
The Stranger was actually surprised when Gabriel let out a scoff at his suggestion. "Sera has the best of intentions, but she has always struggled with adapting to situations outside her control and always tries to maintain the status quo no matter what. No, if we tell her how we know about Harbinger, she'll want to know how we know and that'll lead to her finding out about what we've been doing on earth."
Stranger nodded in understanding. After the Great War, Heaven and Hell had both been flooded with new souls and a great many angels had wished to intervene on earth to protect the remnants of humanity. The head Seraphim had shut the idea down and declared that Heaven would continue to watch over humanity, but not intervene. Gabriel had disagreed.
So with his position as the messenger of Heaven, he had sent some of his best servants to find those among humanity who had proven themselves capable of greatness and with the ability to lead their fellows. Preferably into a brighter future. Earth had been ruined by corrupt leaders who were more concerned about politics than serving the people. Those like Paul Harbinger had already proven their superiority to such fools and would hopefully learn from the mistakes of the past. Stranger and his fellow servants had simply given them a helpful nudge to make sure they had the opportunity to do so.
"Adam on the other hand is another matter altogether. He used to be a true defender of humanity but that was centuries ago. He's not what he once was and quite honestly, he just might make the whole situation worse."
Gabriel leaned back in his chair before pulling out a pack of cigarettes, put one between his lips and snapped his fingers, causing the end to flare to life. There was a long moment of silence as he reduced the cigarette down to the butt and let out enough smoke to fill the room and the Stranger noted that it smelled like lilies.
"Before you head down there, I need you to be honest with me. Just how much chaos should I expect from Mr. Harbinger?" Gabriel asked.
Stranger looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. "Yes." Was all he said before turning around and leaving the office, ignoring the annoyed glare the Messenger of Heaven shot at his back.
…-…
Hazbin Hotel
"What?" I asked as the one eyed manager continued to hold me at spear point.
"You heard me." Vaggie snarled.
"Heard? Yes. Understand? No. You think I'm an angel?"
"I know you are! You may have everyone else fooled but not me. At first, I thought you were just some sinner off the street, then you took off your helmet. Newsflash imbécil, the only ones who look human are hellborn demons with illusion magic and angels. You're no hellborn, so guess what that makes you?"
That…was actually good to know. If what Vaggie said was true, then that was both good and bad news for me. Good, because if hellborn had an entire powerset meant to blend in with humans, that meant traveling to earth was relatively common and a possible option for me to get back home. Bad, because that painted a target on my back for people like Vaggie who knew that apparently angels looked human. Except for the fact that there was a flaw in her logic.
It was true that most demons didn't even look remotely close to humans, more like animalistic monsters or mutants. Charlie and Alastor could pass for human from a distance, but up close it was obvious that they weren't normal. Alastor had his antlers, red eyes and a set of teeth that looked like they belonged to a wasteland monster rather than anything close to human. Charlie was human shaped, but her color palette was all wrong with her white skin, black tipped nose and permanently rosy cheeks. Vaggie was right that I stood out next to them, but I wasn't the only one. Vaggie herself was the most human looking demon I had seen all day, and the only sign she wasn't human was the slight discoloration of her eyes and greyish skin, which really wasn't that unheard of on earth because of various mutations. Looking up at her, I could even see that the most magical part of her, the red X that could be seen through her bangs, was actually from an eyepatch.
It was almost funny how Vaggie had the right idea but came to the wrong conclusion while looking almost as human as me. The fact she accused me of being an angel because I looked human was almost hypocritical of her consider how she looked. Unless…
Unless she wasn't being hypocritical and was actually speaking from experience. If what she said was true, then that would make her a hellborn demon, which didn't fit considering she said they used illusion magic. That meant she would look completely normal rather than have her skin tone be off. Which would mean…
"Oh son of a commie bastard, you're an angel!" I said as I shot to my feet and stood on the bed. Vaggie backed up but still held her spear near my throat, though she looked very surprised at my actions. As I looked down at the shorter girl, I glanced at the spear tip, and I now saw just how different it was. I was a large broadhead that came to a sharp point and the metal it was made of was a silver so bright that it almost looked white and seemed to emit its own faint glow. I also noticed that there was an almost imperceptible hum of energy running along its wickedly sharp edge.
"Wait, is this an angel blade?" I asked as I leaned down to get a better look at the weapon.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" Vaggie said taking a step back. "Do you want to die?"
"It looks similar to polished silver, but that glow is obviously not something you would see on earth. Does the material it is made of have a name?" I asked and flicked the spearhead, eliciting a high-pitched ringing that for some reason reminded me of a church bell.
"I will kill you if you don't take this seriously and answer my question! What are you doing here?" Vaggie said obviously annoyed.
"Oh that's simple, I need a place to stay while I find a way to get back to earth." I said while still trying to analyze the spearhead. I wonder if it could be magnetized or possibly melted down? If that were possible, could it be remade into other forms of weaponry? It almost disturbed me how fast I came up with the idea of holy bullets.
"W-what? What do you mean get back to earth? Angels aren't allowed on earth you idiot."
"Well then it's a good thing I'm not an angel then." I told the manager, but she just scoffed and rolled her eye.
"Would you just drop the act already! I know you are an angel and you have ten seconds to tell me why you're really here before I start cutting off limbs."
"That's' not very Christian of you." I said and was rewarded with the spear being lifted from my neck and placed an inch away from my right eye.
"Ten."
"Seriously I'm not an angel."
"Nine"
"What use is asking me questions if you're not going to believe what I say?" I asked exasperated.
"Eight."
"I am not, ah fuck this."
"Sev-"
Before she could finish the word, I lashed out and slapped the spear to the side just as Vaggie thrust her weapon towards me. The spear head harmlessly passed by and slammed into the wall behind my bed. I saw her eye widen slightly as she realized that her attack had missed and more importantly, left her guard open. I sent a left hook crashing into her nose with a wet crunch.
Vaggie was a shorter woman and I was stronger than a normal man, so it didn't surprise me when she went flying off my bed and over the railing where I heard her land on the lower floor with a crash. I glanced over at the spear still embedded in the wall and yanked it out with a bit of effort.
The handle was odd. The black material was a smooth black and had a texture that felt like a smooth stone. It reminded me of obsidian except it was much lighter than one would expect. I gave the weapon a quick twirl and I realized that the balance and weight were perfect. The weight was just enough to give a strike more power but light enough to not slow you down.
"Neat." I said to myself before getting off my bed and leapt over the railing. I landed with a thud and ten feet away from me was Vaggie using the green couch to pull herself to her feet. She used the back of her hand to wipe away the blood that was flowing from her nose. The blood glowed a golden yellow.
She glanced at her blood before glaring up at me. "Still want to say you're not an angel?"
"Yes?" I said uncertainly. Then with a sigh I flung the spear with all my might to the right and embedded it in the wall just above the television. "Look, Vaggie, I know we just met, but I can promise you I don't mean any harm. Whatever you have against angels, it has nothing to do with me. If you want, we can talk to Charlie and-"
"AAAGH!" Vaggie lunged at me with a yell, surprising me enough where I just barely managed to dodge a punch to the face.
"Note to self, don't mention Charlie." I said as I ducked underneath a high kick. I responded with a palm strike to her abdomen that knocked the wind out of her. She quickly recovered and went on the attack again.
Vaggie was a fast combatant and had I fought her back when I was a fresh-faced vault dweller, she would have easily overwhelmed me. But I wasn't a vault dweller anymore, I was a wasteland conqueror, and it was easy to see the difference in our skills. Fast she may be, but all of her attacks were so obviously telegraphed it was pitiful. Worse than that was that she didn't even try to dodge my counter attacks, instead choosing to block strikes that sent her flying across the room. I did have to commend her on her determination though because every time I knocked her down, she popped back up bloodier and more bruised but still just as willing to fight. That determination could only go so far however, and had I been serious about the fight I was confident I could have taken her out in seconds.
It went like that for several minutes and her refusal to quit was honestly starting to get on my nerves.
I easily sidestepped another punch aimed at my head before retaliating with a backhanded fist to the cheek that made her stumble. Then I placed my right foot on her chest and sent her sailing across the room before slamming her back against the wall. I realized with a small grimace that I had accidentally kicked her right next to her spear, and Vaggie seemed to realize it as well.
She stood up as fast as her sore body would allow and yanked the spear out of the wall with a twirl before leveling the spear at me. I let out a small sigh and pulled up my pipboy, quickly selected a weapon and with a flash of light, I felt a weight settle in my hands. Vaggie rushed me with fury in her one eye, but as the spearhead came for me, I met her strike with one of my own.
The protonic inversal axe was a powerful piece of technology. It was about four feet long with a black metal handle with a blade of violet energy formed between two small emitters. Designed and built by the Geniuses of Big MT, it was designed to be used by power armored soldier to cleave through Chinese robots, power armor or even tanks. Yet as the blade of energy struck the metal spear head, it wasn't sliced in two and the blade wasn't even warped. Instead, there was a burst of yellow and blue sparks and the sound similar to a bell being struck.
Vaggie and I both recoiled at the strange event. I let out a curious 'hmm' while she just blinked in shock for a second before shaking her head and charging again.
Just like before, Vaggie was fast but predictable. I easily blocked her quick strikes and easily dodged her more powerful ones. Ducking under a horizontal strike, I gave my axe a twirl before slamming the butt of my weapon into her abdomen, eliciting a gasp as the manager doubled over in pain.
I took the opportunity to relax and let the axe rest on my shoulder as I looked down on her. "So, is this your first fight? Because for a fallen angel, and I'm going to take a guess and say former exorcist, your fighting style sucks."
"Screw you." Was all she said as she got back to her feat while leaning on her spear.
"No thanks. But seriously, is that the best you can do? You're small, fast and agile. Play into that and start dodging instead of taking unnecessary hits. If you want, after we settle this little misunderstanding, I can give you a few lessons. What do you say?" I said holding out my hand for her. I had to pull it back as she swiped at it with her spear.
"I don't want anything from you!" she said before lunging at me again. I leaned to the left to avoid the stab and was surprised when Vaggie spun on her heel and drove the spear at my chest. I swiped the energy axe upwards to deflect her strike before bringing it back down on her head. I grinned as Vaggie actually followed my advice and threw herself to the side, rolling across the ground before springing to her feet.
She closed the distance in the blink of an eye, and I didn't have time to bring up my axe or dodge. Instead, I let go of my axe, spun towards the fallen angel and grabbed her wrist. She was strong, but I was stronger and brought her attack to a sudden halt. One second too late.
An intense pain shot through my chest and a glance down revealed that about an inch and a half of angelic steel was buried in my ribcage. I had been stabbed hundreds of times and had learned how to endure the pain of much worse injuries, but I had felt nothing like this. It felt as if my entire body had been dunked in arctic water and all warmth left me. The wound itself felt so cold that it practically burned. What was worse was that it didn't feel like it was my body that was affected, if felt like it was something deep within me that was just struck. I simultaneously wanted to scream and cry at the same time.
I slammed my hand into her chest and sent her sliding back, taking the spear with her. As soon as the metal left my body, the warmth returned but there was still a deep ache deep within me that still felt the wound.
Vaggie didn't rush forward to attack again, instead she just stood there, staring at her spear. Seeing that I had a moments reprieve, I lifted up my shirt to inspect the wound. It was a rather clean cut that didn't bleed that much, but I still had to make sure there wasn't some hidden damage. So, I gritted my teeth and stuck my fingers in the wound. It wasn't all that deep so I quickly reached the end, but when I did, my eyes went wide.
My fingers ran along the edge of a perfectly cut bone. That was a had thing to do since bone had a tendency to splinter unless you used either a saw or something extremely sharp, like saturnite. It wouldn't surprise me if the angelic steel could be just as sharp if not sharper than space age alloy. The thing that should have been impossible was what it had cut through before reaching the bone. After taking over the Big Mountain research facility, I had undergone a procedure that had lined my skeleton with adamantium, a nigh indestructible metal that could stop most weapons. The thin layer around my bones was tough enough to take a hit from an armor piercing fifty caliber round without so much as a scratch. And the angelic spear had cut right through it.
"Holy shit. Literally." I said as I stared at Vaggie's weapon in shock. Though I noticed that she was doing much the same, with her one eye wide in disbelief.
"That's not possible." She said as she reached out to touch the blood on her weapon. My blood. My very red and very human blood. She rubbed her fingers together before shifting her gaze over to me, then stared at the still bleeding wound in my side. "You're not an angel."
I let out a bark of laughter at her hearing that. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. I'm not angel, and I'm no demon either." I told her before showing her my bloody hand. "I'm human."
Vaggie's jaw fell open and her spear clattered to the floor in shock, eliciting another laugh from me. I walked over to the couch and didn't so much sit down, as I fell into it.
"Now, if you're done trying to kill me, how about both talk about like a couple of adults over a few drinks." I said as I reatomized a bottle absinthe and held it up for her to see. "What do you say?"
The manager stared at me with disbelief before rolling her eye. "Fuck it. I could really use a drink." She said before joining me on the couch.
…-…
Several hours later.
"And then he says to me, "Do you know what you're doing? Making a nation like you think you're doing, ain't like chowing down on a pile of Fancy Lad Snack Cakes. Think you got the guts to carve out a frontier? Build towns, protect the roads, run supplies, train troops?" Then I walk up him with my biggest grin and say, "My sycophant tells me "Yes."""
Vaggie let out a laugh, spilling come of her drink as she did so. "Oh shit, he must have been pissed being talked down to like that."
"Like you would not believe." I said with my own laugh. "I swear I could literally see his blood pressure rising. But anyways not much happened after that. I forced him and the NCR to retreat and withdraw out of the Mojave and then I basically crowned myself king of New Vegas."
"You know he wasn't exactly wrong. Just because you can kick ass doesn't mean you can lead." The manager said before taking another sip.
"True, but the good general forgot who he was talking to. I don't mean to brag but I'm one of the most capable people on earth, who also just got his hands on a robot army. It took a few months, but Vegas was firmly under my control. After that I started annexing former Legion territory and as well as the NCR after things started going bad for them. Within a decade I had managed to take control of North America."
"Then you went on vacation, got attacked by imps and wound up in hell." Vaggie finished for me as I nodded at her.
"Exactly."
Vaggie rubbed her eye in disbelief. "Qué cojones, how does one man get caught up in all that insanity. You really did all that?"
I smirked at her. "Lady, I gave you the abridged version of my life. I didn't even mention the times I was abducted by aliens or that time when I was experimented on by some mad scientists and had to get my brain back."
"You're joking." She said but I just stared at her. "Oh, you're not joking."
"Nope, which is why when I wound up falling into literal Hell, it wasn't that massive of a shock to me. Now that I've told you my story, let's hear yours."
Vaggie let out a tired sigh as she leaned forward. "Well, you were right earlier. I'm both an angel and used to be an exterminator. How did you figure that out?"
"When you described how angels look human, I realized not only did you fit the bill, but you would also only know that if you had personal experience."
"Uh, I'm an idiot." She said pinching the bridge of her nose.
"You said it, not me." I said, causing her to shoot me a glare. "So former exterminator. I heard you guys come down and slaughter the sinners once a year. You mind me asking why? I've got this whole theory that you guys are doing it to give the sinners a common threat and force them to come up with ways to escape your wrath. Of course if someone were to come up with the idea of redemption, then wouldn't that just be a happy accident."
Vaggie just looked at me as if I were crazy. "Not even close."
"Damn. And here I was thinking I was clever." I said before taking a sip of absinthe. "So, what's the real reason then?"
"I was told it was to protect Heaven. My boss once told me that if Hell ever got too full, the sinners could rise up to threaten all of creation. That the Lords could potentially gain enough power to even hurt and kill angels." She said, then looked me in the eyes and just stared at me.
What was she trying to tell me? The way she described angels being hurt made it sound like that should be impossible. Except it wasn't, because she sure seemed hurt when I punched her in…the…oh.
"Oh! I shouldn't have been able to hurt you!" I said as I eyed the golden blood on her clothes that had finally dried.
"No, you shouldn't have. As far as I knew the only one thing that could hurt an angel is another angel. When you made me bleed, I thought that confirmed that you were actually an angel as well. Then I saw your blood."
I let out a sigh, suddenly feeling tired. "So I did something that according to the literally Heavens should not be possible. Any reason as to why I could do it?"
Vaggie just shrugged. "Not a clue. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're actually a living human, not just a soul. You are really not supposed to be down here messing with demons and angels."
"Don't I know it. You said that Lords could hurt angels if they had enough power, right? So, there is something that can hurt you."
"Normally, no. Do you know how the Overlords and Warlords gain power?" she asked.
I just shrugged. "Sort of. The guy I spoke to said that the Lords were such massive pieces of shit in life and committed so many sins that it made them more powerful in death. That about right?"
Vaggie let out a scoff. "No that's a lie, and one that most people believe because that's what the Lords want them to believe. The truth is that Overlords and Warlords both gain power the same way, by making deals and signing contracts."
I raised my eyebrow at that. "Let me guess, full blown Faustian? Do something for me and you can have my soul?"
"You catch on fast. Yeah, lots of sinners get themselves into a tough spot and are usually more than happy to make a deal with a Lord to get out of it. Since they're already in Hell, they usually think 'what do I need my soul for?' They sign the dotted line and then bam, they've got a leash around their neck."
I let out a sigh. It was Hell, I knew that slavery was probably rampant here, but I still hated thinking about it. To hear that someone could be enslaved so absolutely and have their eternal soul bound? It made my blood boil.
"So these people sell their souls, are enslaved and I'm guessing the Lords use their souls like a battery to give themselves more power?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Yep, get enough souls and you can hurt an angel." Vaggie said before throwing back her drink, grimacing as it burned her throat. "Of course, it's not that easy. It would take millions of souls to get that kind of power."
I let out a "aha" as realization struck. "So that's why extermination exists. You guys come down to either kill the Lords or deprive them of their fuel sources. Preemptive strikes. Smart."
"Yeah, smart." She said grimly.
I shot her a questioning look. "I take it you disagree. That why you left the holy rollers club?"
"I didn't leave, I was kicked out." She said before pouring herself another drink. "You wouldn't know it, but I'm pretty young for a heaven born angel and was only an exterminator for a few decades. Yet while I was one, I was one of the best. I mean, how could I not be, I was literally made for it. I was dedicated to the cause, relentless and merciless. At first anyways."
"What changed?" I asked.
"Nothing. That was the problem. No matter how many sinners I slaughtered, there were always more. It felt like I was accomplishing nothing, and I had only been an exterminator for a few decades while it had been going on for thousands of years. After a while I felt nothing as I killed them. After that period, I began to pity them. Then one day, I cornered a sinner, a child. It was in an alley way; he was trapped and had nowhere to go. He was just so scared and…and I let him go."
Vaggie looked at her drink before setting it down and slumping. I let out a low whistle as I leaned back into the couch.
"I take it the higher ups didn't take to kindly to that." I said, causing the manager to let out a scoff.
"That's a massive understatement. After I let the kid go, the next thing I know, the second in command of the exorcists is standing behind me and suddenly I'm missing an eye. It turns out the leader and his second were nearby and saw the whole thing." She paused to rub at her eyepatch. "After my eye, they cut off my wings and took my halo. They called me a traitor, banished me, and left me in hell. I was alone and at my lowest. That's when Charlie found me. She still doesn't know what I am, all she saw was someone that was hurt. You know, I still can't believe that she let me into her life." She said with a smile.
I eyed her for a second before I realized what that smile meant.
"Ooooohhhh! You two are a thing." I said face palming. "That's why you attacked me. You didn't just think I was an angel, you thought I was an angel sent to mess with her."
"Yeah, sorry about that." She said rubbing her arm.
"Eh, water under the bridge. Still, that sounds pretty rough. You'd think they would have given you a warning before firing you though, but I'm guessing your boss takes the exterminations pretty seriously. Good thing he decided to be merciful."
I threw back my drink before setting it down. When I did, I noticed that Vaggie was just sitting there, staring at me.
"What's the look for?" I asked.
"Merciful?" Vaggie said, sounding like she couldn't believe what she had said was real. "He had his bitch literally maim me and left me to rot in hell. And you call that merciful?"
"Yyyeeesss?" I said uncertainly.
"How in Heavens name is that merciful!?" she said with a glare.
"Because you're still alive." I answered while pouring myself another drink. "They called you a traitor for sparing a sinner, right?"
"For not killing a kid, yeah." She said icily.
I rolled my eyes at hearing her that. "The Pint-Sized Slasher was a kid too; age doesn't stop someone from being an evil prick. Anyways, your boss sees you not only not doing your job, but actually working against the group. The fact that you were deemed a traitor means he saw what you did as a betrayal. Now personally, I consider betrayal one of the worst sins someone can commit. Mainly because it doesn't come from your enemies, it comes from those closest to you."
I couldn't stop the scowl from working its way onto my face. I threw back the absinthe and let the burning in my throat numb the pain of those particularly bad memories. I had felt the sting of betrayal several times, but none was worse than that of the Brotherhood of Steel. They had been heroes, beacons of light in the dark world that was the Capital Wasteland. I had fought for them, bled for them, almost died for them. When I had decided to move on from D.C. they had sent me off with a great celebration and I had left thinking I had left Project Purity in safe hands. Then Elder Lyons had died of old age and Sarah Lyons was promoted to Elder, where she supposedly died in combat. I doubted those claims as Sarah was one of the best combatants I had ever seen. Instead, I suspected foul play, someone not content with the Brotherhood's path at the time. After her death the Brotherhood had changed. They spat on everything that the Lyons, that I had stood for and became just another faction seeking power. It made me sick.
"Some people react differently to a betrayal. Some try to excuse it, to convince themselves it wasn't as bad as it actually was and that it could be forgiven. Others lash out in rage and depending on the severity of the betrayal, things can get violent. Trust me Vaggie, maiming you and then letting you walk away was a mercy. The normal response to treason in an organization like yours is summary execution."
The fallen angel just stared at me slack jawed, seemingly stunned by my words. I couldn't blame her. She had been brutally maimed and exiled; it was hard to think of that as a lesser punishment.
"They left me in Hell. They left me alone to die." I couldn't help but notice that she said it more as a question than a statement.
"Did they? You were the one who told me that other than another angel, nothing in Hell could hurt you. Plus, you have that." I said, motioning where she had dropped her spear. "Doubt you just found another one of those things just lying around, so I'm guess that they let you keep the one issued to you. The way I see it, you may have been cast down, but not to die."
Vaggie just stared at me for a minute before slumping backwards and letting her head lean against it to stare up at the ceiling. She let out a long "fuck" before sighing.
"Sooooo. What happens now?" She asked.
"Now, I get some shut eye and, in the morning, I'll head out to see if I can't find someone who knows something about portals to earth. Unless a certain angel would be kind enough to open one for me?" I asked.
"Sorry, no can do. Opening portals to other planes of existence, whether it be Heaven, Hell or the Mortal Coil takes a lot of 'umph'. Only the most powerful angels or demons can do that. That or you need to get your hands and a majorly powerful artifact."
I perked up at that. My mind instantly went to the book that had started this whole thing. "Alright, say I got my hands on one of these artifacts, but it was damaged through…unknown means. What would I do with it?"
Vaggie shot me a questioning look with a raised eyebrow, but didn't ask me to elaborate. "No idea. To be honest I never bothered learning about dimension travel. If need help you could ask Charlie, she would help you in a heartbeat. How useful she would actually be is another matter."
I responded by shaking my head. "Nah, I've known her for less than a day, but I get the feeling that any secret she hears won't remain a secret for long, no matter how hard she tries. She's just to open and the last thing I want are sinners, especially someone like Alastor learning that a human wound up down here. They might start wondering if they can get out as well."
"That's not…untrue." She started to defend Charlie before thinking better of it. "Well, as much as I don't like the idea, you could always ask heaven for help. There is an embassy at the center of the city."
"Oh, I didn't know that. I'll keep that as a backup plan. I kind of want to keep a low profile and I'm not too comfortable about getting the direct attention of the Heavenly Host. My life is already complicated enough."
"Then, how about heading over to the Public Library. It's been around for thousands of years; it probably has information on portals."
That took me by surprise. "Hell has a library?" I asked.
"Yeah, no one really knows who built it, but it's been more or less agreed upon that its open to everyone. Supposedly there is an ancient Overlord running the thing, but no one has seen them. Still even other Lords respect the place."
I nodded at that. "Alright, thanks for the information. I'll head over in the morning. But first I need to get some sleep. It's been one hell of a day." I said as I got up from the couch.
"That's an understatement. I need to head out and get cleaned up before Charlie sees me like this. Sorry again for attacking you." She said as she grabbed her spear and made her way towards the door.
I was halfway up the stairs when Vaggie called out to me. "Paul." I stopped and looked at her, halfway out the door.
"Thanks for listening. It felt good to tell someone about my past."
"Any time Vaggie," I gave her nod. "But it's not me you should be telling. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." She said as she closed the door behind her. Leaving me alone in my hotel room once again.
…-…
Mourning
When I woke up, in the morning, it had been to the sound of distant gunfire. It was such a familiar sound that I almost forgot that I was still in hell.
I quickly got dressed in my armor and made my way downstairs where I found Husk, Nifty and Angel Dust going about their morning. The little maid was running around apparently trying to stab bugs with a slim dagger. Angel was eating cereal while doing something on that small glass box similar to the one I looted from the mugger and Husk was having his own breakfast, one Cass would have definitely approved of. I made my way over to the spider demon and sat beside him on the couch.
"You reconsider my offer soldier boy?" he asked without looking at me.
"No," I snorted. "I just wanted to ask what these little machines were?" I said holding up my own.
"You just got here. How did you already get your hands on a hellphone?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I ran into a mugger after I got here. He didn't need it anymore." I said with a shrug.
"Oooo, you know how to play rough. Yeah, that's a hellphone. Basically, think of it like an old telephone only small, transportable and with a bunch of other stuff shoved inside. They've been around for a few decades. A few hundred years ago, a bunch of science nerds wound up down here along with a bunch of other schmucks. Even in hell, geeks are gonna geek and started making all sorts of doohickies, including that little thing."
I stared at the hellphone with wonder. I had suspected it to be some sort of magical device powered by infernal magic. But to hear that this thing was truly a product of science and technology? Well, I was practically salivating at the thought of tearing it apart and seeing how it worked so I could start mass producing it. Something like this would be a massive boon to earth. I smiled to myself as I imagined the possibilities.
"Its also a great way to look up porn."
"Aaaand just like that the magic is gone." I said as I glared at Angel Dust who didn't look the least bit ashamed. I got up from the couch and made my way towards the front door when Charlie and Vaggie made their way downstairs.
"Good morning Paul!" Charlie said as she ran down the stars to greet me.
Eyed her for a moment before asking, "Did you change your look?"
Charlie had seemingly forgone the clothes I had met her in and decided to wear a form fitting red tuxedo. She had also bound her hair in a couple of black ribbons so that it wouldn't go all over the place.
"Yep! I decided now that we're actually getting sinners to come, I decided I needed to appear more professional~!" she said, singing the last word and completely invalidating her attempted image.
I gave a snort of amusement before nodding at the manager. "Vaggie."
"Paul." She said nodding back. "I was bringing Charlie down, apparently Alastor has something to show us. You might want to see it as well."
I pulled up my pipboy for the time. It was only nine o'clock and I didn't think the Library would close anytime soon.
"Sure, I've got time to see what the prick has to show us." I said, and a few minutes later Charlie, Vaggie and I were seated in front of a TV. Alastor Then came in without a word and shoved a holotape into the player.
I did not have high hopes for the video considering it started off with one demon seemingly stabbing another on the ground to death.
"Well hello there you wayward sinner! Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do! That's why you're in Hell! But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that?
Well then come to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded fourteen days ago by Lucifers delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar! Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you!
Here we have fun things, such as somewhat functional staff! And twenty four hour pest control. Custom rooms and just look at this parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident! Woooooow!
All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!"
Then just like that, the blasphemous attempt at a commercial ended.
"So, what do you think?" He asked with a massive grin.
I really tried to stop it, but I couldn't help myself. I burst out in laughter at the thought of just how awful it was.
"I'm sorry, what the fuck was that!?" was Vaggie's own outburst that thought summed up how we were all feeling.
Charlie, ever the cinnamon roll, tried to be polite about it. "Uh…yeah…one note. Alastor, first off, thank you so much for making this. Seriously amazing, but um maybe the tone is a bit…off." She said causing his ever-present smile to strain. "We want people to want to come here. This makes it look…um…"
"Bad, the word you're looking for is bad." Vaggie said upset.
"Funny, the thing I was going for was Hilarious! Paul certainly seems to agree with me."
I let out another laugh, though this one was much more mocking. "Please, I'm laughing at you not with you. Seriously I've seen cheap homemade tapes that were faded and scorched beyond recognition that were better than this shit. Seriously, I'm pretty sure a blind baby could do a better job than this. I can see why you went serial killer, ya talentless hack."
He sent me an absolutely withing glare that could have sent a deathclaw running in fear. I just smiled right back at him, taking far too much enjoyment in pissing him off.
"Well then, why don't YOU make a commercial then if you think it's so easy." He said as nicely as possible, though I could hear the venom underneath.
"I wish I could, but unfortunately, I have somewhere to be. Since I'm new to Hell, I thinks its best if I go out and find my footing while getting the lay of the land." I said as I got up from the couch. "I'll be gone all day so go ahead and have fun. Oh, and Alastor?"
He tilted his head at me.
"Stick with radio, you've certainly have the face for it." I said, flashing him a smirk before leaving.
…-…
Purson Public Library
The Buer Public Library was an old Greek style building with plenty of beautifully carved pillars and columns. All of it carved from black marble that shined in the red light of Hell. Unlike the surrounding buildings, there was no sign of any damage or decay, not even graffiti. I also noticed that no one was even approaching the building.
It felt like I walking into a deathclaw's lair.
Steeling my nerves, I walked up the blackened step and through the large wooden doors.
The inside looked like every library throughout history. There were hundreds of bookshelves filled with all types of reading materials. From leather bound book, scrolls made of parchment paper, bone plates, even stone tablets bound in leather strips. It was a historian's wet dream. And this was only the first floor.
"This is going to take me forever to find any info." I said before spying a demon behind a desk, smoking a cigarette. "Unless I can narrow down the search."
As I approached the woman, I took in her appearance. She was of average height with light purple skin, long whit hair held back by a black bandana, and two purple horns sticking out of her head. Her eyes were a solid red behind equally red glasses, with a dark red long sleeved prewar looking outfit with a black skirt that was torn at the knees, revealing her purple hooves and barbed tail. She also looked pissed.
"Excuse me miss-"
"The porn is three rows back and ten rows to the right."
I stood there in shock for a moment before shaking my head carrying on. "Uh, no. I was going to ask if you were a librarian and if you could help me find any books and dimensional travel and teleportation."
This caused the demoness to give me a questioning glance. "That's a new one. Follow me." She said, putting out her cigarette in an astray and making her way through the library as I followed behind her.
"Soooo, what made you want to become an infernal librarian?"
She stopped and shot me a withering glare before continuing on.
"Sorry, I was just trying to make conversation." I Mumbled.
The librarian let out a sigh "I used to be a teacher until a few years ago, teaching children in my settlement. When I got down here if found out teachers were not in demand. This was the next best opportunity."
"Huh, what did a schoolteacher do to get sent down here? It didn't involve the kids, did it? God knows how many times Mr. Brotch wanted to throttle Butch." I said.
What happened next took me by surprise. One moment we were just walking along, the next I had an angry demoness in my face. Her eyes were blazing red, and her white hair was flowing in the air like fire. Here previously pissed off look had shifted into one of unbridled rage.
"Don't you ever insinuate I would ever do anything to hurt those children! EVER!" she screamed.
"Okay, okay. Jeez." I said with my hands raised in surrender.
Then just like that, she was back to being a pissed off librarian. I followed along in silence, just taking in all the various books. Oh, if only I wasn't in such an urgent situation, I could go through all of this history. We were passing by a shelf of normal looking books with a plaque that read "Recommended". I glanced at their covers, only to let out a gasp as I recognized one.
"No way." I said as I went over and picked up the book. It was somewhat thin compared to the other books, but what made it stand out was that was predominantly white and black with the upper part of a skull emblazoned on its front. Above the skull was the title, The Wasteland Survival Guide.
"How is this down here?"
"I don't know how, but we sometimes get books from Earth, particularly popular ones. That one has been pretty popular the last few years. Apparently, some of its tips and advice translate well to Hell." The librarian said. "Have you read it?"
I let out a small chuckle. "Read it? Lady, I helped write it."
She raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm fairly sure you are not Moira Brown." She said pointing at the picture of the author on the back, one of a cheery looking red-haired woman with a somewhat crazy smile. I smiled behind my mask, remembering the rather eccentric, annoying and lovably optimistic woman.
"No, but I am Paul Harbinger, Subject Matter Expert. You know if you had a marker, I could autograph this for you." I said and she just stared at me until I put back on the shelf.
"So now that you know my name, would you mind telling me yours Missus-?"
"Its, Miss Mayberry." She said, practically hissing the first part of her name.
I decided not to comment and instead followed along in silence. I had already pushed my limits, and I still needed her help, so I just decided to let my gaze wander again.
"Murder suicide."
"What was that?" I asked as I brought my attention back to Miss Mayberry.
"You asked what a schoolteacher like me did to wind up in hell? It was a murder suicide."
I let out a small ah as I finally got my answer. So, she was a schoolteacher and most likely died in her late twenties to early thirties. She seemed chronically pissed off but the moment you even got close to insulting children she seemed to want to literally chew your head off, so that implied she had a good heart underneath the rage. At her age the likelihood of marriage was high, and the emphasis on 'Miss' probably meant she had a falling out with her partner, when that led to bitterness. Add in the confessed murder suicide and there were only so many reasons for that particular sin and her story became fairly obvious.
"I'm guess you didn't take it well when you found out he was a cheating bastard?"
Mis Mayberry stopped dead in her tracks, whipping her head around so fast I thought she might get whiplash. Her eyes were wide in shock. "How did you…?"
"Eh, I'm smart and know how to put the pieces together." I said with a shrug. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry."
Miss Mayberry closed her eyes, breathed in deeply and let out a long tired sounding sigh. "No, its alright. Not like it is any grand secret. Yes, my ungrateful ex-husband decided to cheat on me with that bitch Martha."
"I take it you already had some bad blood with her before the affair?" I asked.
"Like you would not believe." She hissed. "I used to live in a fairly large settlement called Smallsburgh in the Georgian wastes. We were isolated and didn't have all that much trouble with raiders or their ilk, so we were more trusting of newcomers. So fucking naïve.
One day a new family arrived and were offered a place to stay. The husband was a fantastic hunter, Martha was a great cook, and they brought along two young kids. They seemed they would be just perfect, except me that is. From the moment I saw them, I knew they were rotten. The problem was no one else seemed to notice it. They always made excuses for my feelings. "you're just mad you're not the best cook anymore", "you just wish your husband was half the man as hers," or "You just wish you had her rack." It went like that for months. Then one day I ended class early in order to surprise my husband for our anniversary."
"Shit, on your anniversary, really?" I said appalled. "Man, he sounds like a prick. I'm guessing that's when the murder suicide happened?"
"Yes, but originally tried for a double murder. Shot Martha first, then that cheating bastard, then…myself." She said, dropping her angry expression and instead looking tired. It only lasted for a second before going back to pissed, but it had been there.
"Did one of them survive?" I asked.
"The bitch did." Mayberry hissed. "The worst part was that everyone felt bad for her, saying that she was "hero" for surviving the schoolteacher who went crazy. That didn't last too long though, when a good chunk of the settlement was murdered in their sleep. As it turns out I was right about the family. Not only were they a bunch of murderous cannibals, but they were also satanists."
"Are you serious?" I said rolling my eyes. "Let me guess, they were all super friendly, cheerful and polite beyond the point of reason?"
"Yes, they were."
"They always are. Seriously, why do cannibals always act like that? I can always tell when someone wants to eat you just based on how extremely considerate they are."
The librarian just snorted "I can see you haven't been to Cannibal Town yet. So why did you end up down here?"
"Pretty normal reasons. I killed people for money and eventually got in a fight where my enemies got lucky. You know I was just thinking, you may have gone a bit too far in killing your husband, but I'm pretty sure you would still qualified for heaven if you just shot him in the dick."
That caught the librarian by surprise, and she burst into laughter. It was equal part bitter and sweet sounding. I got the feeling she hadn't laughed in a long time.
"Hehe, oh I needed that. Thanks." She said before stopping in front of a shelf full of leather-bound books, some of which looked like they were centuries old.
"Here's all the books on dimensional travel. Let me know if you need anything else." She said walking away.
"Thanks for the help, Miss Mayberry." I said, giving her a two finger salute.
I turned back to the shelf and saw that not all the texts were in English. I let out a small sigh, knowing this was going to take a few hours. "Alright, I best get started." I said as I grabbed a book and started reading.
…-…
A few hours later
"Thanks again!" I called out to the librarian as I left the building with a pile of books in my arms. At first, I had been worried that I would have to sign up for some sort of soul bound library card, but thankfully no. Instead, Miss Mayberry had explained that the books were magically marked and if they weren't returned in thirty days, they would send a 'collector' to retrieve them. Apparently, whoever ran the library took their job very seriously.
I was in a relatively good mood as I left the building, only to quickly lose it as I witnessed the chaos and mayhem that had taken over the streets. As I walked along I literally had to duck to avoid a flaming tire that went flying through the air.
"Okay, what the hell is going on." I said to myself before grabbing a panicking sinner by the arm and pulling them in front of me. it was a small goat man dressed in worn out clothes and a bowler hat with a bullet hole through it.
"let me go you Baaaastard!" he said in fear.
"Not until you tell me what's going on. What is everyone losing their minds?"
"What's going on is that we are all FUCKED! Look at the Heaven Embassy!" He said pointing towards the shining white tower that could be seen from anywhere in the city. It resembled an hourglass with a countdown timer with the top of skyscraper sitting on it, with a halo of light floating above. Yet something was wrong with it. I had only glanced at it before, but I swore the top of the glass was mostly full. Now? It looked only about half full and the countdown that had previously said 351 had been changed to 184. It seemed like whatever was counting down too, the time had been cut in half.
It took me a second to realize that there was only one thing in hell that would be worth keeping track of.
"Oh shit." I said, my eyes widening. "The next extermination is in six months."
…-…
Aaaand bam! So, what did you think? Heavenly intrigue, a fight that lead to a hear to heart and ending with a bit a reason to figure out a way out of hell ASAP. Now I'm obviously making things up when it comes to the Lords being able to gather enough power to threaten heaven, but I wanted to come up with a genuine reason why the exterminations happen. Lets be real, as much as we want Charlie to succeed in redeeming sinners, most of us would gladly see the sinners killed off. Yes, there are those who would truly wish to change their ways, but the show also shows that the majority of sinner are unrepentant evil bastards. Plus, its not like Adam was wrong to think that hell was forever because after slaughtering what was most likely billions of sinners, no one was worthy of ascending to heaven until Sir Pentious.
Speaking of Adam, you might be wondering what was going on with say that he was merciful? That's because he was. Look, getting your eye gouged out, wings cut off and banished to hell is rough, but what they saw her do was considered an act of betrayal. In the real modern time and in all first world countries, treason is punishable by death. Then let's consider that Adam is literally the oldest human and was therefore around when humanity was at its most brutal and survival of the species was paramount, betrayal would be seen as even more vile. The fact that after a little bit of maiming, he just let her go is unbelievably merciful. Now I didn't come up with this idea all on my own and would thus suggest another fanfic called Uncle Adam on AO3.
Now go ahead and leave a review and have a great day.