The last time her concentration deteriorated, the undisputed justification were the late nights completing an urgent compound for Lord Danzo. But in the midst of a very cold winter's day, her mind, on multiple occasions, drifts into a serene world of haziness that makes abstract sense.
The accompanying physical sensation is also different. Instead of the weak, fatigue and sleepy feelings that courses heavily through her body, she is trapped in a funny zone that gets her stomach quenching and her chest beating frantically for unidentifiable reasons.
A severe inconvenience, considering the mountain of work piling beside her, courtesy of two lazy lab partners who spends more time bullying her than actually working. Yet Honoka remains indifferent.
Working within the undergrounds of Root's lab, Honoka did not need to interact with the outside world. Her comrades had a shared goal, a purpose, thus they never pried, nor questioned her existence. It was incredibly peaceful being confined to a dark, dainty lab.
Unfortunately, the hospital environment can not be anymore different.
"...I'm jealous, of course that necklace looks good on you," the older woman with the ruler straight hair says.
"Agreed," the other woman with a shrieking voice concurs, "Although I am sure it would look good on you also."
Months in and Honoka never remembers their names. They have never formally introduced themselves, nor do they identify themselves as anything more than lab workers.
Honoka is here on orders. She does not need to involve herself in petty affairs. The exception it seems, is the friend she has recently made. Shisui is one person she remembers, both in name and face. However Izumi and Itachi also make the memory list, despite being only acquaintances.
"I'm excited for the Winter's Festival. It can't come any sooner can it?" the older woman with the ruler straight hair sighs.
"I wonder who is going to win the Council's Mission this year?" the other woman with the shrieking voice ponders.
"No doubt it would be Uchiha Itachi."
"You know, I do wish it would be someone else for once," the woman with the shrieking voice says.
There is a brief pause.
"That person you mean?" the older woman with the ruler straight hair says, and she points at the windows.
Honoka's gaze tracks to the figure walking serenely outside. His back is facing them, but she instinctively knows the person. And immediately as it appears, the funny stomach churning sensation and tightness in her chest transpires. It leaves a discomforting sensation that quickly dissipates into nothingness.
But Shisui is not alone. Moments later, another figure, a girl not much younger than Honoka, is hurriedly keeping pace with his long strides.
The bright red hair is all that sticks to Honoka's mind before a surge of inexplicable gloominess surrounds her. The heavy feelings grip in an uncomfortable embrace and pins her to the ground in one swift movement.
"Uchiha Shisui, seems like he is popular with women, you've got competition Tsubaki," the older woman says.
"Are you serious?" Tsubaki shrieks, "that little brat? She is obviously too young for him."
"Not too young. There are only two Uzumakis under the age of fifteen, she is not one of them," the older woman corrects, "besides, Shisui isn't that old. I believe you are two years his senior?"
"Why would that matter?" Tsubaki mutters.
The older woman does not answer, but Honoka catches a brief grimace lining her thin lips.
For the rest of the hours, Honoka's concentration is permanently impaired. No longer can she focus on the task; mixing up solutions, overheating chemicals and mopping spillage for the umpteenth time.
Unimpressed, she leaves the laboratory hours after the two women depart. An unusually early retreat for her, considering she would normally stay standing for hours on end for the sake of her experiments.
In the comfort of her bed that night, she stares restlessly at the ceiling. There is a swarm of frustration encircling her, yet she does not understand the situation or the strange feelings associated with seeing her friend.
Honoka is a problem solver, and a strong believer that there is an explanation for everything. But she is standing in a parade of conflicting emotions.
Sleep does not befall her easily that night, and when it does, it is marked by discomforting dreams of abandonment and rejection.
For the first time ever, she is afraid of being alone.
x
"…it can be confusing when you see your friend spending time with other people. You may feel sad, left out or worry that they may not like you…if you feel uncomfortable, try bringing it up with them. Do not be confrontational as this may upset them. Instead, ease into the conversation. You can say things like 'I noticed that we have not been spending time much lately, is everything okay?' Be gentle but not too forward."
There is a momentary pause.
"Be gentle but not too forward? How do they mean by that?" Honoka says.
She stares blankly at the pages of a heavy book. The words merge and forms a jumbling sentence she cannot understand.
But she continues, nevertheless.
"Sadness can sometimes manifest in the form of stomach cramps, fast heart rate and even bowel problems. It is important to understand the underlying cause so a resolution…"
Perhaps the cause of her sadness is the fear of losing a friend? It is true that she has been spending less and less time with Shisui as of late, but a brief look at her calendar tells her that a fortnightly evening game of chess is scheduled with him in two days.
For the past week, she has been looking forward to the day. Keen to maintain her friendship yet oddly jubilant that she gets to see him.
She likes to attribute this to a case of friendship fever. She has never had a friend before, so the excitement of sharing her stories and interests without any negative repercussions is something she is always looking forward to.
On her way home, she encounters her friend sooner than anticipated. He is walking ahead, alone, and unusually the scene brings a wave of relief and happiness to her surroundings.
"Excuse me, Shisui," she says politely.
"Honoka, it's nice to see you," he answers brightly.
His cheeriness has a way of enhancing the atmosphere and Honoka cannot help but feel lifted.
"I figured I would come over and greet you, as we are friends and not strangers," Honoka explains.
Shisui gazes interestedly for several seconds, then lets out a short laugh.
"No need for an explanation, although I do enjoy hearing your reasoning," he says.
For a moment, she is sure her interactions with Shisui does not correlate with the strange feeling, but the more she converses with him, the stronger the discomforting feeling manifests.
It is by no means a negative sensation. The incongruent state of contentment and discomfort is far more disconcerting to her pragmatic mind than the bizarre feelings themselves.
"I believe we have our fortnightly game in two days," Honoka says.
Shisui's earlier comment has embedded itself into a more panic-stricken part of her mind. Even a socially awkward person like her can see it as a compliment. Her best bet is to steer from exploring that side too deeply. For whatever reason, it seems to spiral those funny sensations.
"Yes, about that," he replies tentatively, "I was going to ask whether we could postpone it?"
His request takes several moments to hit her. And instead of politely accepting, she pushes for an answer.
"May I ask why?"
At her question, Shisui appears taken aback, as if he is being reprimanded.
"The Winter Festival coincides with our catch up. I have agreed to accompany someone to the Council's Mission ceremony," he answers uncertainly.
"That would mean you made a double booking," she hesitates, thinking hard, "Would that perhaps translate that our catch up has moved down from your list of priorities?"
"No, no please don't say things like that, Honoka," Shisui says swiftly.
His tone indicates unease, mimicked by the look of guilt that is suffusing his expression.
"We do our catch ups more often than there is a Winter Festival. I thought it would be best if we postponed our catch up. It could be earlier or later. I hope you understand," he continues quickly.
Honoka stares attentively at him. She does not understand. Is this perhaps another contingency? No. Shisui knew of their catch up yet he went ahead and scheduled another event over it.
When Honoka remains quiet, Shisui moves closer with a look of genuine regret. But his sudden proximity brings a tidal wave of unexpected emotions she does not anticipate.
Flustered, she falters several steps back, startled at the alienness of such situation.
On Shisui's end, he is still watching her guiltily, acutely aware of his sudden invasion of her personal space.
"Sorry Honoka. I take full responsibility for this. If you'd like I am more than willing to reschedule for a time tomorrow instead."
"An earlier catch up?" She says confoundedly.
"Yes."
An earlier catch up may work.
"Our schedules may not coincide because we did not plan for changes beforehand," she says anxiously.
"Don't worry about that. You tell me your free time and I will make arrangements for it."
Without hesitation, Honoka fumbles for her schedule, a desperate urge to re-write the whole thing as a result of change.
"Only during the day," she says.
"Not a problem. And it does not have to be chess. We can spend the day seeing other things too," Shisui suggests.
Honoka merely nods. She cannot refute his offer of generosity.
"Okay, then I will accept that."