Five days preceding the Fireworks Festival, there is a contradictory ambience of tension and delirium that saturates the village. Organisers and stall participants expend the vast majority of apprehension, whilst prospective attendees sprawl beneath an aura of gaiety.
Yet for one inconspicuous villager, the notion of festivities does not stir emotions that sit outside vacancy and monotony. That statement however, applies to the knowledge of strangers - those who are incapable of comprehending the complexities, and how they mutated a myriad of colourful emotions into inky monotones.
"You're back again?"
She is, and this time, she requests the bookseller's assistance.
"Indeed. May I trouble you for some recommendations?"
The bookseller is mildly inquisitive, perhaps more out of surprise than discomfort.
"I wouldn't be doing my job if I declined. What sort of books are you looking for?"
"Ones closely associated with relationships, either of a platonic nature or romantic," Honoka answers.
She gives a brief pause, then continues when the bookseller is looking contemplative.
"With respect to structure and layout, please provides one that have specific methodology - a step by step guide if you will, each detailing sample scripts and speeches. Ideally, ones that outline strengths and limitations or associated risks."
When she finishes, the bookseller is still staring contemplatively, albeit with a disconcerting expression that is perhaps more in response to Honoka's monotonous tone of such an appealing topic.
"We don't sell academic books here but if you want more of a generalised approach to relationships," she gestures for Honoka to follow, "I suggest trying this section."
She halts at a small selection of books.
"These would be sufficient," Honoka says.
"Are these for yourself?" The bookseller asks.
When Honoka turns her gaze, the bookseller is flustered.
"I'm sorry," she says quickly, "that was rude of me, I didn't mean to pry."
"Yes, I am conducting personal research. For many months, I have been trying to understand the concept of love and relationships. Then there is the intersectionality between platonic love and romantic love. Attempting to understand them within myself has been incredibly difficult, but getting those feelings reciprocated is something new. I have always seen human relationships on a biological lens. Males and females have key biological aspects that makes them more attractive to each other. Amongst many species, males display certain features that promote their superior genetics. This in itself attracts females. But in humans, what happens when females are attracted to males and there is no reciprocation? Perhaps I am missing something. I have learnt very recently that social aspects play an enormous role, and human males and females are equally involved in presenting and displaying their best features in order to attract each other. In essence, there are two sections to my personal research, understanding love and comprehending the mystery of what attracts a mate in humans."
A momentary silence.
"I…see…"
Not for the first time, Honoka's oral disquisition has ignited a host of bewildering sensations amongst her listeners. The bookseller may have mentally tuned out, but her expression remains disturbingly attentive.
"So…will you be purchasing these?" The bookseller continues.
Honoka nods.
And as she leaves the store some ten minutes later, the bookseller suddenly speaks by the doors.
"The second part of your research, people do that all the time when they are looking for someone. And once two people find each other, they commit eternally. In the human social world, we call that marriage. Is that perhaps what you are looking for?"
She re-enters the shop before Honoka can respond.
Marriage? She hears the term every now and then. But marriage is a social concept is it not? Perhaps then, she is contradicting herself. After all, she is seeking to understand what makes one person attractive to another. In other words, and in a manner she does not wish to admit, what attracts Shisui? Is marriage what she is seeking from him?
x
Marriage and its association with Shisui is what keeps her mind occupied. Never in her life had she thought of the term's significance and what it could mean for her. Lonely as she may have been in the many years of servitude, it never deterred her from the daily grind of laboratory work, nor the countless errands imposed by Lord Danzo. But in recent months, she finds herself wondering, preoccupied with the excitement outside her very black and white world.
What constitutes marriage? Her research in the past days brought about some peculiar revelations. The books differ in their definitions and ideology of marriage. She leans towards a biography of some sort - far from her world of pragmatism.
"…marriage is about love…to enjoy one another's differences, to celebrate change, to forgive…"
Words she cannot comprehend, yet there seems to be a subtle feeling of breathlessness when she thinks of Shisui. Perhaps it is her subconsciousness that is processing the meaning of those words?
In the last section of the book, she keeps focus on the description of marriage practicalities.
"Cooking is a desirable trait in a partner. This is particularly useful when one spends most of their time at work and the other within the home environment. Ensuring your working partner returns home to a clean and comfortable space with a nice meal shows your love and appreciation for them," she reads.
Perhaps she should start with this?
"What do you think, Ko?"
She takes the turtle and sits it in her top pocket. It has been her only companion since returning to Konoha.
A clear cut methodology works in Honoka's world - almost always. So for the next two days, she spends copious hours researching recipes. Happy recipes, comfort recipes, strengthening recipes. She compiles a list and begins her experimenting. She forgets the hours and even the days, but by the time she narrows and perfects a selection, she presents them to Shisui.
Twice a day for almost five days, she attempts to offer her creation. Shisui is barely home, so she takes to leaving them by his front door.
Unsolicited as her offerings may be, Honoka does not view the matter as unasked. The note she leaves specifically referenced her 'gifts' as a thank you for assisting her during the mission. However, one gift or ten gifts are equivalent in her mind.
On the two occasions she manages to present her food to Shisui, he appears wildly confounded.
He gingerly accepts the gift both times without so much as a thank you and a "you don't need to do that," before bidding her farewell.
Honoka is aware of his discomfort relating to their broken friendship contract. She is mindful to keep her distance and reduce her need to impose. Yet what she is hoping, according to 'Understanding Marriage: A Guide to a Happy Marriage,' is to re-arrange his way of perceiving her as an ex-friend and more of a person who is capable of fulfilling the role of a partner in marriage.
But as the days past, she no longer sees Shisui, nor hear of his presence within the village. The food she leaves by his door is gone by the next day, and whilst that is more than enough motivation to keep her going, hope and desire does not often hold for long in her world.
"Marriage is about having almost every aspect of your daily life shared," she reads aloud.
In her tiny living space, she struggles with the imagination of an extra occupant.
Shisui's tall stature would barely fit her bed, let alone sleeping beside him.
Yet she holds to that fantasy, a world of potentials that extracts her mind from this very monotonous environment she calls home. But the physical is bound to reality, and no matter how far removed her conscious is, Shisui will always belong in the real world.
"May I ask a question?"
On the eve of the Fireworks Festival, curiosity takes her further than she would ever imagine. For the first time, she utilises her circumstance, much to the detriment of her safety, as a way of extracting knowledge.
What she has is the need for change. With change comes the desire to seek. But these have their limitations, because if the information given is far from what is expected, then perhaps ignorance is better suited.
"You never ask questions, but go ahead."
Lord Mizuku is looking equally inquisitive.
"As someone who is married, do you believe I too can experience such thing?"
For a brief moment, Lord Mizuku halts his change of clothes.
"What?"
His response is more out of incredulity than the actual question itself.
"As someone who is married, do you believe-"
"I heard you the first time," he snaps.
His sudden condescending remark may be a reflexive response to Honoka's first sentence. Yet that inertia to comprehend social situation persists like rolling waves.
Lord Mizuku approaches and sits by the bed.
"Why are you asking such nonsense?"
"Nonsense?"
She does not understand.
"Yes, nonsense. You and marriage? Give up on the hope of it ever happening. No man would ever want to marry a dirty woman."
He leans in and holds her by the hair.
"You belong to Root. You belong to Lord Danzo and therefore you belong to me. You exist to serve, to please, to pleasure. Marriage will never be something you are capable of achieving. What man would marry a dirty woman who have had her body used numerous times when there are pure women who exist to serve just him? Use your brains for once you useless piece of shit."
Then he slaps her hard across the face until her lips are bleeding and she is cowering fearfully by the corner.
"You will never speak of such nonsense again."
Falling into her fantastical world does not take long. Upon Lord Mizuku's departure, she does not remember returning to her living space. She sees the safety of her environment, but the safety of her mind is still far away.
If her reality is what it ought to be like prior to Shisui's appearance in her life, then let her find a way to erase his existence from her own.