"…look this way, Honoka."
The touch is warm and comforting. But there are layers to that contact. Certainty. Passion. Elements of insatiability.
She cannot logically distinguish the differing components that underlay his uniform, rhythmic strokes.
"Are you not liking this?"
The questioning voice keeps to an even husky tone.
She shakes her head.
"I don't know how to feel because it is you," she answers quietly.
Even with an immense amount of unfamiliar emotions that rattles her insides, her reply is remarkably vacant. Unsurprising, considering that varying levels of emotions and feelings have never worked in tandem with her tone of voice.
The responding smile she gets from him is barely visible beneath the shadowy figures of the mountain's forests.
Clack.
Clack.
The branches sway against the winds, then bounces against the window.
"Could it be that you are unable to interpret how you feel, rather than not knowing?"
He leans forward and brushes her cheek.
Clack.
Clack.
Clack.
"Shisui, I believe the two have the same common denominator in meaning," she says.
He chuckles at the impudent response.
"You know, you really give significance to life in alternative ways. I think that's incredibly refreshing."
His hand reaches her waist and he presses close, until she feels the softness of the bed against her back, and the looming pressure of his weight above her torso.
Years of conditioning compels her knees to automatically part, but Shisui's leg is pinning her lower body in one position. And yet he notices, but does not move.
"Were you curious?" He asks softly.
His face is inches from hers.
Instinct understands his question. And as if he too can comprehend her silent answer, his gaze sweeps her parted mouth.
"Do you want to know?" He continues.
She remains still.
He tilts his head and patiently awaits a response. She wonders if he knows, or whether he insists on a verbal answer. Intuition lands on the former, but her mind does not adhere to non-substantiated reasonings.
"I want to know-"
Their mouths merge. Soft, gentle and syncing as one.
Clack.
That incessant noise does little to stir the escalating tension that saturates their movements.
Her mind is impressively blank against something that has long intrigued her. But the scarcity of emotions have taken on a vicious form that agitates her entire physical.
Five seconds. Ten seconds. She forgets the duration of their action, but it is seemingly swift. Perhaps her mind is too focused on the feeling - of the synchronous heat that is generating between them, and of the foreign sensation that wells in her middle.
Shisui suddenly breaks the kiss and is gazing intently at her. He does not speak, nor show signs of his impending venture. His hand has somehow reached beneath her blouse and is slowly caressing the voluptuous flesh of her right breast.
The galvanising sensation intensifies and her body freezes in anticipation. From what, she cannot identify.
"Haa…I…"
Her breathing is uneven, and it hitches concurrently with the sudden feeling of something hard against her middle. Shisui's hand has now made its way up her thigh and beneath her skirt.
He leans to her ear and whispers something.
Clack.
Clack.
The noise returns but she does not hear it above the deafening sound of Shisui's whisper.
Immediately, her legs close in response to his comment. But it serves to intensify the feeling of his hand against the dampness. The action does little to restrict his movements - his fingers manoeuvre in light strokes.
Clack.
Clack.
Clack.
An unmatched scene that vies for her attention - sound or action?
A surge of gratification.
CLACK.
CLACK.
I want him to keep going.
Her mind is clouded and that increasing sound is swallowed by the reinforcing pleasure.
CLACK.
CLACK.
CLACK. CLACK. CLACK.
Darkness. The wooden ceiling. And no Shisui.
Her mind returns to its reality and she stares despondently at the rattling windows. She hears the winds and the incessant clacking sound that pried her from that fantastical world.
When she sits up, there is a wet sensation that sticks to her inner thighs.
Did her bladder malfunction?
No.
She pulls back the blanket and examines her surroundings. The mattress is drenched in her night sweats, yet it is something else that holds her attention. Her middle is damp with her fluids.
Confusion precedes her actions. She switches the bedside light and examines herself. Never in her life has she seen it swollen in such form. From dream to reality, the throbbing, pleasurable sensation is immensely overt.
She connects the dream and the physical responses of her body to one thing - Shisui. His proximity, his kisses and his touches. They barely scratched the surface of what her previous experiences with other men have dictated. Yet, the feelings - though a mere dream - she gets from him is incomparable to the contact she had with others.
Numbness, detachment and vacancy. They summarise her emotions with those she was forced to satisfy. From her mind to her physical, she had always felt nothing. The body is just a biological element, used to reproduce. There is no such thing as excitement and pleasure.
Yet…
What is the meaning of such vulgarity?
It was all but just a dream. There is nothing to concern oneself with. She placates her mind with what she is familiar with - logic. That is the only explanation.
x
Even with the passing of time, the dream lingers like a stalking shadow. Her mind speaks to her in pragmatic sentences, but a deeper layer of her conscious clings to that unfathomable desire.
Dreams are a result of random signals that are processed by the brain during sleep. Its function is primarily to help with consolidating memories.
Biology. Evolution. Science. Dreams are a normal part of being human, regardless of content. There is no need for further interpretation.
When her mind finally settles for rationality, she passes a drink stall that houses a group of Konoha ninjas - one whose familiarity is the recent cause of her calamity.
Their gazes cross synchronously.
"Shisui, how do you do?" She speaks suddenly and automatically.
His verbal response is not immediate. Instead, he watches her curiously for several seconds before answering.
"Oh, Honoka. You are here too."
It was not a question.
"Yes, I am following Lord Danzo's instructions for the Annual General Meeting," she answers bluntly.
He frowns.
"I never knew a toxicologist is needed for such an event."
She refrains from an accurate answer.
"I have instructions," she repeats.
His returning gaze is dubious
"Shisui, may I ask what you are doing here?"
"I'm on break at the moment."
When she steps closer, she sees the exhaustion lines that are rooted beneath his features.
"I can see you are looking rather fatigued," she points a slack finger at his face.
"…"
"I believe you may be in need of some rest," she continues.
He softens.
"Thank you, Honoka but rest is not on the agenda for me right now. This brief respite is all I get for the next few days."
At his response, she rummages through her bag and pulls out a handful of small round balls wrapped in green paper.
"Shisui, please take these. I believe these will help replenish your energy."
Their friendship contract may have ended, but that does not stop Honoka from accounting for contingencies. Perhaps it is a result of the perplexing desire she holds for Shisui, and the hope that he may need her support one day.
She considers his missions, his work as a jounin, the amount of time he is in the village and his overall schedule. Then, it is the probability she would cross paths with him, and his willingness to accept tangible offers from her. Given the estimation, this would give her a rough guide as to how many energy balls she should make. Of course, Shisui is not the only one making use of them - she does too. But the underlying reason has always been him.
"What are they?" He takes them tentatively from her.
"They are energy balls. I made them yesterday. They have an expiration of seven days. You can have a maximum of two per day."
He smiles.
"Thank you, Honoka, I will have one now then," he takes a bite with mounting interest, "it's actually quite nice, different from my expectations of what an energy ball would taste like."
His response is unforeseen. Far from displaying an ounce of surprise, she holds his compliment beneath the vastness of her vacant gaze.
"Your limit is one more. I would advise against taking more than two as per instructions."
He smiles again, this time in a gentler, unadulterated form that vastly differs from what he normally gives out of respect.
But Honoka cannot differentiate between the two. To her, a smile equates to an expression of happiness or pleasure. The latter does not necessarily correspond to something positive.
"I'm not really certain how I should repay you for this," Shisui says sheepishly.
"Shisui, I believe you are interpreting this as a gift?"
"I suppose so," he answers uncertainly.
"I would not say this is a gift," she pauses and recalls a paragraph from a recent reading, "it is an act of generosity."
She is careful to exclude words of love and care. Without the friendship contract in place, those words are not applicable to the reasons behind her actions - even if they are the root cause. Shisui may end up rejecting her deeds if he cannot associate a good reason behind it. To counteract such issue, she needed an explanation. The 'Works of Kindness' book has been immensely beneficial in explaining the concept of kindness, generosity and charity. Whilst her actions may not fully fall into such notion, her love, care and desire for Shisui is almost a branch of it. Technically, she is not lying.
"I appreciate that, but I would still like to repay you in some kind of way."
She wonders of Shisui's sudden persistence. He would normally turn her down or at least refuse her offering.
Without further thought, she dips a hand into her bag and extracts a tattered wooden box.
"Shisui, perhaps you could have a game of chess with me?"