Sam's First Hunt
Summary: Sam goes on his first hunt. Dean doesn't agree with it, but Sam and John decide to go ahead. Dean believes Sam just wants to prove to John that he has grown up. But is that really the reason?
This fanfic was inspired by the image of teenage Dean sitting protectively and calming Sam. I tried to create a context for what became Sam's first hunt. The image was posted by cyberdelph: I protect you by いつ吉
Disclaimers: I don't own Supernatural.
Of course, Sam participated in hunts. Even at a young age, his mind was brilliant, and he was always very competent in research and deductions. Dean dreaded this day. He wanted to protect Sam from all of it. Just telling him that this world existed was hard enough. And now, Sam was going on his first hunt. Along with him and John. Dean tried to handle it and convince John not to take Sam.
– Dean, let your brother grow up. I took you when you wanted to go.
– The thing is, he doesn't want to, Dad. He doesn't want to enter this world. And he doesn't need to.
– I'm sorry to tell you, son, but he agreed. He even seemed quite excited.
Okay. That completely caught Dean off guard. How could Sam agree to this? And without talking to him?
He enters the room and sees Sam getting ready, and he seems... excited. That wasn't what he expected.
– Sam, talk to me. Did Dad make you go?
– Dean, I'm not a baby anymore, when are you going to understand that?
A slap would have hurt less. Dean observed Sam and saw in his words the desire to assert himself. But now it was clear. Sam wanted to prove to their dad that he could be part of this...
Sam hears the creature approaching. The completely dark forest around him makes his instincts more alert. He hears the sound of leaves being stepped on. His heart races, and he takes position to shoot. He can do this. He trained for this. The creature approaches, and he shoots without a second thought. Just as they trained! But since the creature was moving, the shot doesn't hit the one place that would kill it: behind the neck... and it just stumbles back behind a bush.
He hears his name. Spoken by Dean's voice. This distracts him. Dean sounded... in pain. No. It can't be. He remembers John explaining that the Crocotta lures people by imitating the voice of someone they love. But this wasn't imitation, right? The voice was Dean's, and he leaves his position, heading towards the bush where the creature hid, and within seconds, it comes at him.
He then sees Dean... the real Dean, who hadn't made any sound until now. Dean yells at the creature to look at him. The creature changes direction quickly and hits his older brother. And Sam can't handle that. He doesn't want to shoot because he's afraid of hitting Dean and goes into complete panic. He's totally paralyzed. He can only think about losing Dean... the person he loves most. The only person who makes him feel at home. He doesn't even see the forest around him anymore. He only sees his thoughts ahead of him. Losing Dean. His brother's death. The guilt consuming him. His legs give way, and he curls up in complete despair near a tree.
...
John observes everything. He lets Dean and Sam act first. It wasn't a difficult hunt. He wouldn't put Sam in a risky hunt right from the start. He observes Sam's perfect positioning. He sees Dean ready to attack at any moment. He hears Sam's shot, and by the aim, he knows it was a perfect shot. It would have been a direct hit if the creature wasn't moving so much. And that's when everything falls apart in a matter of seconds. He wouldn't let Sam get hurt. He would kill the creature before it reached Sam. Yes, everything would be fine. If it weren't for...
...
Dean didn't even want Sam to be here. It didn't matter that at his age, he had already participated in many hunts. Sam wasn't him. He lost count of how many times he said that to John. John even considered his objection. But the fact that Sam sided with John made his arguments quickly dismissed. He tried to convince Sam to back out, to reconsider, to give up this madness. But Sam was determined. And when he decided on something, not even Dean could change his mind. Dean knew the intention behind all this determination. Sam just wanted to show John that he was capable. That he didn't need so much protection. Dean rolled his eyes just thinking about all that nonsense.
Once he couldn't change Sam and John's minds, he did everything to ensure Sam was safe. If Sam thought John's training was intense, he didn't even know how to define the type of training Dean imposed on him. It was exhausting. Dean didn't care.
The day arrived, and although Dean didn't want to admit it, Sam was ready. Safe. Confident. With a resolution on his face similar to what he saw on John's face when he was going on a hunt. He observed everything. Sam's focus, the creature approaching, the perfect shot trained so intensely with Dean. The creature getting more irritated for being hit but not killed. And at that point, if Dean had time to rationalize, he would know that no amount of training prepared him to allow Sam to get hurt. And that was his big mistake. He acted as the older brother and not as the hunter. He had a weapon in his hand. He just needed to shoot. But he didn't care. He just wanted the creature to take its eyes off Sam. He didn't think. He just yelled. "Look at me, you son of a bitch." A second later, he only felt his body floating in the air as he was hit by the creature. He heard the thud before feeling it. His head hitting a trunk. The creature on top of him already starting to suck his soul. Far beyond his consciousness, he heard a shot and then, just darkness.
...
John shot and saw the creature fall on top of Dean. John ran towards them and threw the dead creature aside. Dean was unconscious and bleeding from the back of his head. He had heard the thud. He needed to make Dean wake up. He started slapping his son's face. Checked his pulse. It was racing. He knew it was a low blow, but he did what he knew would get results if there was any consciousness left in Dean.
"It's an order, Dean. Open your eyes. Sam needs you."
And he did. He looked dazed and confused. John checked his pupils; there were no signs of a concussion. He asked him to stay awake. He asked questions to check Dean's awareness. As the good soldier he was, Dean answered everything promptly. But John only felt confident that Dean was okay when he saw his eyes clear and him desperately say, "Sam!"
John checked the back of Dean's head; the cut didn't look deep. They would deal with it once they got to the car. He helped Dean up and, seeing that he was standing without swaying, looked towards Sam. Sam hadn't moved an inch, seeming completely oblivious to everything that had happened. John wanted to go and comfort his son. He would have to make adjustments to their training. You can't lose focus until the creature in question is dead. Dean fulfilled parts of his training: "protect Sam." But putting himself completely at risk was not an option. It was clear that either he prepared the boys, or one would always be the other's weakness. But now was not the time. Even though he was used to it, he knew how scary this life was. He knew the terror of losing the one you love most. But Dean was there, and this was Dean's territory. He knew he had lost the right to be a comfort to Sam the moment he left all the care to Dean. It was no use claiming that now. It was the price he had to pay. He decided then to dispose of the dead creature.
...
A long time seemed to pass. Sam kept seeing his brother dead in front of him. He kept seeing the monster hitting his brother. In an endless loop. Then he feels someone near him. And he almost thinks he's hearing Dean's voice. He hears something but can't see anything, still filled with the panic of losing Dean and still feeling guilty about it.
...
Dean panics, seeing Sam so scared. Sam shouldn't feel like this. He should be safe, waiting for him at the motel. Not here, like a frightened animal, curled up and crying in the cold, dangerous forest. That's why he hunts so intensely, so Sam doesn't have to do it. Doesn't have to put himself in danger. Doesn't have to fear a world of bizarre creatures. He approaches Sam. He puts a hand on his neck and feels him flinch.
Dean speaks softly: "Sammy, it's okay. You're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you."
Sam doesn't seem to hear anything. He curls up even more and brings his knee towards his chin. Dean hears him crying and just thinks that Sam shouldn't sound like this. Sam is a child. He deserves to be a child.
Dean keeps speaking calming words to Sam. Dean doesn't take his hand off his neck and pulls Sam's head so he can look into Dean's eyes.
...
– "Dean?"
– "Yeah, handsome as ever, right?"
– "You... you were..." Sam starts crying again, terrified.
– "Sammy, I'm here with you, okay? It's all right. The creature is dead. You, me, and Dad are safe."
– "Dean, I'm sorry. It was my fault."
Dean sees Sam's desperation, and he just wants to take him out of it. Make him feel good again. He used to be good at that. He decides then to sit next to Sam and pulls Sam to him, letting his brother rest against his chest. And they stay there for a while. So close that they seem like one.
With Dean's arms around him, Sam breathes, and over time, his breathing matches Dean's.
"Sammy, look there. The creature is dead. Dad took care of everything. But the shot you fired weakened it. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I messed up. I didn't protect you. You did everything right."
– "Are you sure?"
– "I always am, okay? Now, enough of this show, all right? You've already proven to Dad that you're capable. That's enough. You can even participate in hunts. But not like this. If you're scared or don't feel prepared, I want to know, okay?"
– "Dean... it wasn't for Dad."
– "What are you talking about, Sammy?"
– "It was for you. I wanted you to stop seeing me as a child. To see that I'm a good hunter too. You like hunting so much. I wanted to do things that were interesting to you. I know you think studying and researching is boring. And that's all I know how to do..."
– "Sam... Sammy, do you really think that? That you need to hunt to be interesting to me? I love you being you. My nerdy little brother who's a pain and complains about everything. If you want to hunt, I'll be glad to have you by my side. But only when you want to. No matter what Dad says. I'll deal with him, don't worry. Okay? Now, Sammy, I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do that will stop me from seeing you as a child. So, don't even try. Now enough. Let's stop this chick flick moment and help Dad pack everything and head back to the car."
Sam smiled and pushed Dean.
– "Hey, geek boy, I've got a bleeding head here." And they walked towards the car, not a single space between them, even with the forest being so big.