Live your Love in the Light
Luffy sighed as he hung himself over the Sunny's rail, ignoring the cotton-soft clouds that drifted overhead. A laugh sounded from the shade of the tangerine grove as Brook crooned, two verses deep into a new song. The melody danced around him, and for one breathless second, Luffy almost rose up with an answering verse. However, the desire fled as he collapsed over the ship's hull, limbs too heavy for dance. He didn't even know why he tried when he alone felt out of place, unable to enjoy the sunny afternoon.
Even with his cardigan pulled tight around his chest, Luffy felt the sunlight scorching his skin as everything else danced tantalizingly out of reach. Laughter, song, the spirit that drove him out of bed every morning–it all just danced away like ocean water between his fingers. He wanted to dance the same way but he also didn't because the effort felt insurmountable next to the unease pressing down on his chest. He knew the weight well, though he wished he understood why. Why did this feeling keep growing and growing inside of him with each passing day like some illogical cancer? People like Luffy didn't get bummed, and yet…
Anger, vile and hot, filled Luffy's throat, nearly choking him with the acrid taste. It coated his mouth with sudden fury. And yet, his limbs stayed limp, weak and uninspired. The thought left his teeth bared, a growl forming deep in the back of his throat. However, it too died unuttered, unwilling to listen to his own desires. Seriously? Couldn't his own emotions fall in line if nothing else in his life planned to? And yet, the closer they got to the next island, the more his feet began to drag. He wanted to proclaim that he came down with some new, mysterious, and very un-fun disease. However, when he suggested it, Chopper just shook his head, declaring his health perfect. Funny that he still felt like such a literal foot-dragging drag.
"Ugh, this really freaking sucks."
"Hm? What exactly is it that sucks?" The question left Luffy jumping, turning to see Nami gazing out into the sea with him. Her hair fluttered, weaving with the breeze like streamers of molten gold. Even the warm amber of her eyes looked ripped straight from a picture book. Luffy watched as she threw herself back into the wind and grinned. "The weather is perfect! The sun is shining, we're on course, and even the sea looks amazing. I don't understand why you're not enjoying it, Lu. Did you forget where we're heading all of a sudden?" She huffed with something akin to incredulousness before continuing with an even louder sniff and roll of her eyes.
"I mean, just yesterday you asked if we could change course for that empty bit of rock we passed. I know you couldn't have cared less about it, but you made this face like Roger himself hung the moon there. Even you aren't that dumb, though." She shook her head, clearly baffled as Luffy twisted to pin his gaze back to the rolling waves.
He knew he brought this confusion on himself but the idea of meeting Nami's gaze still stole away his breath. For how long did he act so out of character, drawing every crewmate's gaze? For how long did he resemble a different person? Even now, he felt like a stranger shoved into rubber limbs, his heart foreign and head filled with unknown thoughts. No one could hide something enormous like this forever. Sooner or later, one of his crewmates would question him. Sooner or later, he would need to give answers. But, even knowing that, no clever words came to mind and no amount of time would change that. Instead, he lifted his gaze to grin at Nami, wondering if she could see that too.
"Hey! Don't call me dumb to my face! You know I didn't mean that about the rock. Anyway, how could I forget about the island with all the fruit salads!" Luffy chuckled, remembering the legend Robin told him when the place first showed up in their log pose. He loved the idea of it last week, so much so that a real smile managed to creep onto his face. "Hm. I wonder if they make fruit out of salads if they have salads made of fruit. It's kind of confusing, isn't it?"
Nami's bewildered expression intensified before she shook her head, taking the nonsense in stride. "You know that's not what I meant. It's just…" She leaned over, making sure to murmur her next words right against Luffy's ear. "Did you fight with Kid and Law? I know you three planned to meet up on Salada Island and now you suddenly don't want to go? I mean, that's-"
Luffy jerked back with a wide-eyed stare. "W-what?!"
Nami flinched as the playful music screeched to a stop, plunging the ship into an uncomfortable silence. Chopper's little ears stood up in alarm, Zoro's distant gaze unblinking in a way that felt wrong. Luffy reeled back further as panic left heat sheering down his back, burning from the gazes on it. "How do you know about that?!"
Nami swept her gaze over the deck but no one answered her silent plea. Not even Robin stepped into the space between the knife and the held-breath of air, her eyes watching, categorizing, but distant. The whole thing felt like a scripted stage play. But, she knew better than to expect anything different. If Nami wanted out, then she needed to finish the conversation she started. They left her no choice but to steel her spine and force the young captain to meet her gaze.
"Luffy. You really think we don't know? After all the time we've spent together?" She shook her head, sending orange curls bouncing in the wind even as her eyes continued to bore into Luffy's. "There's no way it's a coincidence that every time we visit a nondescript island, those guys show up and you three just…disappear together. I'm not stupid, Luffy. I know that you'll meet up with them this time too. But, I don't get it…"
Eyes sliding closed, Nami broke her gaze so she could shake her head again, so confused that it left her frustrated. This was Luffy! The boy always careened down his path without a care or a hint of obfuscation. Seeing ample amounts of it now left her at a complete loss. Emotions warred on the boy's face, so intense and tangled together that her own brows knitted in response.
"Look, what I mean is, if you want to see your boyfriends, then just say so. We could help you make plans or front calls or…" Nami leaned forward, pinning Luffy with an earnest look. "It doesn't matter what you ask, we'll do it! We want to help, Luffy. You must know that, right?"
The ground lurched beneath Luffy as if the entire world took a nosedive. Or maybe he didn't know how to stand straight anymore because he started to waver, only his grip on the Sunny's rail keeping him steady. "O-oh. You knew? I didn't know anyone knew we were…but does that mean Jaggy and Torao also know I…?" He blinked, reeling for another second before the true weight of his words sunk in. His crew knew.
As the shock faded, anger twisted into its place, leaving Luffy spinning away, his voice rising high above the crash of the waves.
"What the heck? Stop staring at me like that! You're making me feel like I've done something wrong even though I haven't, okay?! Why do you guys have to know all this? I never wanted you to know!" Luffy growled, one hand curling into a fist. He shifted, glaring down the deck to meet his crew's gazes as the thing he nearly choked on earlier broke through the surface. Understanding flashed in those gazes, and suddenly, he couldn't take the heat on his skin any longer. He couldn't…he needed to end this before he burnt up, consumed by the flames in their eyes like some damn piece of kindling.
Luffy's fist crashed into the white wood, drawing startled gasps. "I told you to stop looking at me like that! Back off, Nami!" Luffy drew away before those gasps could turn into questions. He couldn't bear to answer questions now. He couldn't bear much of anything.
Dodging Nami's outstretched hand, he brushed past the rest of his crew as he escaped, slamming the door to the aquarium room behind him. Instantly, soft blue light washed over Luffy and that was…fuck, it was a lot. The coolness reminded him of another blue light and left his head dropping against the smooth plane of glass.
"Torao…Jaggy, what am I even doing…?" The question echoed back to him, empty and unanswered. Despite expecting that, anger still shifted and protested beneath Luffy's skin like a living beast. The creature festered there for too long and now it spilled out, biting every hand that got close. Even his weariness failed to hold it back. Luffy gripped the space over his heart, wishing not for the first time that he knew why he felt this way.
When they first started dating, it came easy, a natural evolution that no one questioned. Like the friendship between them boiled straight over into another kind of relationship. Luffy never needed words or the neat definitions other people chained themselves up in. The three of them simply existed as allies, friends, lovers, and rivals at the same time without losing anything that made those terms special. But, as time wore on, something changed. Luffy couldn't explain what or why, but an uneasiness snuck in, building inside of him until it mired him waist-deep in its muck. It incensed him, overwhelmed and made him insane. It made him…crap. He didn't know what it made him feel anymore.
Luffy forced his fist to uncurl, smoothing over the glass wall instead. Tiny darts of silver and red rushed past his fingers, disappearing somewhere into the deep. Right. Life worked that way, didn't it? As Luffy turned away from the fish, he sank down and curled into the couch cushions. He may not understand why their relationship scared him so much, but he knew he wouldn't trade it for a thing. He wouldn't endanger their delicate balance, wouldn't even try to fight it. And maybe, for once in his life, that would take him far enough. Because, more than anything, he refused to lose what he loved.
xXx
Tension hung over the ship in a heavy smog. Luffy scowled from the figurehead while Robin and Franky exchanged looks behind his back. After three unpleasant days of travel, Nami's conversation still lingered in the air, souring everything it touched. Whenever anyone questioned Luffy, he snapped them away, his fists connecting with parts of the ship more and more often. Franky stared at a section of broken boards, mourning them with the faintest hint of admiration. Despite her injuries, the Thousand Sunny sailed along as fast as ever, unhindered by her crew's abuse. As her creator, he had to admire that tenacity.
"How long do you think this will last?" Franky sighed, his eyes shifting to Luffy before dancing away again, refusing to add any further gasoline to the fire. He could give that to Luffy, at the very least. When the boy acted out, he did it in a way that only someone like him could. Franky just wished he could predict the violent swings in his mood. Or, you know, salvage the unnecessary ship damage.
"How long? I wonder," Robin murmured, her eyes staring out far beyond the sea. "I would guess ten years, but in truth, I don't know the answer. Rather, I fear that Luffy wishes to keep all of this out of our hands." Robin sighed with a shake of her head, seemingly unaware of the pun. However, just before they could settle back into silence, a snort sounded from behind a set of barrels. Both Franky and Robin turned to see a black-booted foot jut out from the hiding place.
"Zoro. I didn't realize you were sleeping here. My apologies."
The green-haired swordsman rolled his eyes as he shifted onto his feet, finally facing the others with a reluctant glare. "Well, I ain't sleeping anymore," he huffed before letting out a monster of a yawn, his one eye settling heavily on the ship's figurehead. "And I just fucking settled in too. Is it too much to ask for a few hours of decent rest? That brat's really lost it, hasn't he? Fucking animal."
"I don't want to hear that from you," Franky whined. "Bro, you're one step away from feral on a good day!"
"The fuck? And you're any better?!" Zoro growled back as he shifted closer to jab one finger into Franky's chest. "At least I wear pants!"
"Boys!" Two pairs of hands pushed them apart before Robin dropped her arms, letting them dissolve into petals with a sigh. "I don't think now is the time. We have more important things to discuss. Namely our captain," she reminded them with a pointed stare. Franky and Zoro both sagged, completely drained of tension. As if she threw a blanket over them, they sank down, each of them weighted by the malaise infecting their ship. It clung to their skin, sticking beneath their nails as Luffy shifted in the distance before slumping over even further. Robin met Franky's eye and then Zoro's before breathing out.
"This can't continue."
Slouching back against the rail, Franky nodded back. "Yeah, but what can we do? The little bro doesn't want our advice. If he got his way, we'd all forget he had a love life at all and let him crash and burn. It's super depressing! And right when we're about to land too!" Throwing up a hand, he waved it as if to say how pointless the whole venture felt. Sure, he wanted to help, but outside of fighting a hoard for Luffy, what could a man like him do? They needed someone Luffy would feel obligated to entertain. Someone who…
Franky locked eyes with Zoro, mirroring Robin's already unblinking gaze. The man in question bristled before taking two steps back. "The fuck are you looking at me for?! I ain't getting involved with this shit! Oh hell no!"
Robin's lips curled upwards in a grin. "By why ever not? I thought it was the first mate's duty to advise his captain, no matter the trouble that ails him. Do you not agree, Mr. Swordsman?" Robin's eyes gleamed, her lips parting just enough to reveal a flash of pearly whites that would send any lesser man running in terror. Zoro, however, simply steeled his spine, his eyes growing sharp with determination.
"No it ain't! Not even fucking close!" Zoro hissed back, his words carrying weight and danger in their tone. Franky cringed but he never looked away, Robin's own facade remaining perfectly placid.
"Oh? Not even for the key to the cook's sake stash?" she purred.
Zoro hesitated, his one eye narrowed with suspicion. "...You'd get that for me?"
Robin nodded once. "If your talk with Luffy goes well, yes."
And really, what man could refuse such a treat? Zoro's shoulders slumped in resignation as he turned, watching Luffy's silhouette shift against the early afternoon light. The younger man never turned but a thrill lingered in the air, demanding that everyone stay away. He could understand why nobody wanted to get involved. The danger smothered them just like the sickness that left the Sunny quiet and barely treading water in every way except for the literal sense. It fucking pissed Zoro off. He wanted to stop this the first day Luffy snapped at his crew and he had–about the snapping–but the root of the problem? That particular issue left him approaching the stern of the ship with something too much like awkwardness churning his gut. Fuck. Robin owed him so big for this.
"...Hey. Listen, Luffy…"
"Go away," the rubbery lump answered without turning to face him.
Zoro scowled at the younger man's back. "Look, I don't want to get into this either but ain't it about time to give up your little temper tantrum? Just…come down so we can talk, okay?" He rubbed the back of his neck and shifted, trying to ignore the uneasy prickle that lingered there. The feeling flared before Zoro flung himself down on the deck, cursing as one of Luffy's sandals hurtled past with enough strength to splinter against the deck.
"I said to go away!"
Zoro's spine snapped up straight. "What the fuck, Luffy! Are you a god damned child?! I said, come down here and talk about this shit or I swear to the sea I will make you!"
Luffy spun to level him with a glare. "No way! You can't make me! I'm your captain, stupid!"
"Yeah? Sorry I couldn't tell since you're not acting like it! A captain leads his crew instead of moping on the deck! And what, because your dick hasn't been getting wet?" Zoro hissed, one hand falling to his swords, ready and tense as Luffy stared back, his lips rolled up in a snarl.
"Take that back!" Luffy launched himself at Zoro just as a flurry of shouts erupted from the rest of the crew.
"Land ho! That's Salada! Someone ready the anchor!"
"A little more to the left, okay? We're gonna park her right up front, Jinbei!"
"Wow! Salada looks amazing!"
Zoro cursed as Luffy's fist rocketed past him close enough that he could feel the wind bite his cheek. "Seriously?!" He growled when the punch broke through the deck a half-step away before ricocheting. Zoro stared down, taking in the jagged hole next to him before the last threads of his control snapped.
"Damn it to hell, Luffy! Are you trying to destroy the ship or something?! If you're gonna fight like that, wait until we can get our asses somewhere else!" Zoro backpedaled hard, even as battle lust curled in his gut. He knew he needed to remain reasonable. However, the look Luffy gave him completely shattered that resolve.
"You have no right! Talking about them like you know a thing! Don't make it sound like all we do is fuck! That's not true and you know it!" Luffy spun his arm, charging up for another punch. "Tell me that you know it!" Glancing over his shoulder, Zoro watched his crewmates scramble apart, half of them focused on hurtling into the island's bay while the rest took up defensive positions. Zoro caught Robin's eye, watching her nod to a rock outcropping a few dozen yards out. He nodded once before focusing his attention back on Luffy, knowing he couldn't afford more than a second's distraction.
When the punch came, he blocked it on Kitetsu's scabbard, using the opening to charge forward straight at his captain. "Yeah? And what exactly is it that I'm supposed to know when you never told anyone a thing!?"
Luffy froze, his eyes widening as Zoro slammed into him, lifting the smaller man over his shoulder and launching him skyward before anyone could think to react. The scream Luffy unleashed pierced the otherwise pleasant air, ending abruptly when he crashed into the outcropping of rock. Zoro allowed himself one moment of woe for the direction his afternoon took before launching himself over the rail after his captain.
God, he really hated giving relationship advice.
Dropping down onto the boulder in a low crouch, Zoro watched Luffy pull himself from the rubble, raking it from his hair with a shaken and tense expression. They stared, barely breathing before Zoro jerked his head toward an open space halfway between the bay and the town. "If we're going to do this, we should do it somewhere out of the way. Seems like this discussion might get a little rough."
Luffy tensed as Zoro's words crashed over him, leaving his spine ramrod straight. "Yeah. I get that feeling too." Without another word, Luffy shot himself over the stretch of water with Zoro right on his heels, bearing down, unshakable in his strength. He welcomed the feeling despite his anger. With his thoughts this jumbled, that familiar presence at his back unknotted something inside of Luffy until he almost felt like himself again. Not that it changed how badly he wanted to knock Zoro's face in. The thought consumed him, drove his every move when they finally reached the field and turned to face each other once again.
"So, we gonna talk or are we just gonna fight this out?" Zoro scoffed with his back straight, pressing the soft blades of grass flat beneath the soles of his boots.
Luffy bared his teeth. "Who would want to talk now?! Maybe if you hadn't insulted Jaggy and Torao we could, but..." Luffy's eyes flashed, bright and deadly. "I hope you know I won't hold back!"
Zoro lifted one brow with a snort. "Not sure when I said anything insulting but if it gets your head out of your ass, I don't give a shit anymore." He swung his swords free as Luffy cracked his neck, his eyes still shining with feral passion. The look shot electricity down his spine, both from the familiarity and the absurdity of seeing it pointed at him. Even when their eyes locked, the feeling persisted.
"It's fine if you don't get it. Just as long as you don't hold back. I'm serious, Zoro! Don't you dare go easy on me!" They both glared for a single second before colliding with enough force to shake the ground beneath their feet. Fist against sword, knee against blade–they rushed each other with animalistic fury, neither letting the other gain the upper hand. The weight of each attack knocked Zoro back more than he ever dreamed they would. But then, he never once fought with Luffy like this before. Not with anger filling his captain's attacks and no end in sight. Zoro grunted, knocking back another rain of gattling fists.
"Damn it, Luffy!" He jumped back, frustrated and ired by his shitty plan to…what? Fight until Luffy felt better? The thought left Zoro rolling his eyes. "I sure hope you're enjoying this!"
Frowning, Luffy paused long enough to study his first mate, pondering the words despite his desperation to lose himself to the anger again and just…forget. However, once his concentration faltered, the darkness crashed down in its wake so staggeringly that it shattered Luffy's resolve. A momentary thing, but enough for the truth to tumble out.
"No. I'm not, Zoro. If I liked this, it wouldn't make me so angry!" He ground the words out even as he blackened his foot with haki and axed it toward the other man. Zoro hissed but held off the move with his own blackened blades. After a few seconds, Zoro ducked out from under the attack, letting Luffy's foot crash into the ground instead.
"If that's the case, then why don't you analyze why you're so pissed in the first place? Because there's no way this is just about my dick comment!"
The truth of those words slapped Luffy in the face. He softened his attacks but couldn't bring himself to stop them altogether when the boiling energy in him still continued to flow out, the dam broken with no way to stop it this late in the game.
"So what if it isn't? Is that supposed to mean something to me?! I-" Luffy clenched his fists, sandals digging into the dirt as he held his position, stalwart and unsinkable. "If I knew why I felt so awful, we wouldn't be doing this! I just…I just want things to feel easy again! Like they were before this all meant something!"
Luffy gasped, his breath ragged and every fiber in his being on fire. So that was it? He hated that Law and Kid meant so much to him? That he cared? That he…?
"Oh for fucks's sake." Zoro tightened his grip on Kitetsu and Wado Ichimonji despite the stalemate they found themselves in. No, a stalemate implied equal, unmovable forces. However, Luffy's ship now floundered beneath the reality crashing over his deck. Fuck. He really, really did not want to give relationship advice. And yet, when Luffy met his gaze with that empty look, it seemed like he couldn't avoid the task any longer.
"Look, Lu. I know I attacked your relationship but you're too fucking daft! Do you really not see what you have? What you could have?" Luffy blinked, uncertainty still swirling in his eyes, leaving him frozen in place. Of fucking course Luffy didn't get it. Why else was Zoro, of all people, trying to pummel advice into him with a sword? He'd fallen for the trap hook, line, and sinker too. All because Robin promised him a blissful drink.
"Damn it, Luffy! Don't you see?! Torao and Jaggy aren't like those other idiots you've passed on the way to the top. They're the ones that can stand next to you! As fucking equals!" Zoro spat the words out as his haki bled thick and deadly over the surface of his blades. "You don't need to steal these furtive meetings in the night. Being all inordinate with your plans when you never plan anything! I'm saying to give it a rest and make a stand!"
Like waves crashing on the very rocks behind them, Luffy's expression broke open in a brilliant display of seafoam. He stood there, gasping in awe as his eyes blew wide enough to see the whites all around, ending Zoro's attack before he could put it into action. Instead, he stood there, praying that Luffy reached the right revelation.
"You…really think we can do that? All three of us, standing together? No one will get upset?"
Zoro scoffed so loud it nearly felt like a laugh. "Since when did you care about things like that? You're dating a morbid, emo freak and a murder-happy psycho who's even dumber than you. Not that I'm surprised." Luffy never cared about picayune things like that, never once put stock in other people's opinions. So, he wondered just who he thought would get upset, which person's sensibilities he wanted to protect. Was he really just doing this for them? Or-?
For one second, Luffy stood there, a frown painted on his face before he deflated, his shoulders drooping beneath the force of his worry. "Torao said it needed to be this way. If not, he'd hurl the two of us out of the picture so quick we'd never see him again. I don't even know what that means and I think he lied but Jaggy turned red and told us to play nice anyway. Besides, it's always been this way. We just…hide. That's normal isn't it?"
Luffy tilted his eyes up to Zoro, anguish shimmering in their depths so fiercely that Zoro reeled back from the hit to his gut. Never, not even once had Luffy turned those eyes toward him, his brown orbs pain-dull like those of an indigent scoundrel, left dying on the side of the road. The sight of it sent something coursing through Zoro's veins.
"Fuck that! Since when did you give a shit about normal?" Luffy's eyes darted up but Zoro continued, not allowing the younger man to cut him off. "Aren't you going to be king of the pirates? If you want to keep Jaggy and Torao, then keep them. I mean, who the fuck can stop you? The marines?" Zoro snorted and shook his head. "Yeah, fuck that. You don't listen to anyone. So just…put your love in the light where it belongs!"
The breath Luffy sucked in spoke of understanding, deep and impossible to ignore. "I…I love them. Oh. Oh," Luffy gasped, drawing a look of outright bewilderment onto his first mate's face, followed quickly by distress.
"O-oi, Luffy! Why are you saying that like it's a surprise? Of course you love those idiots! That's not the part you're supposed to get hung up on! Honestly!" Zoro whipped Kitetsu around and whacked Luffy right in the head before the younger man could so much as gasp. Just how badly did he shock Luffy to land such a pathetic hit? Zoro scowled even as the younger man looked up at him with eyes full of betrayal. "Seriously? Stop bugging out and think with your head for a second!"
Hearing Zoro, of all people, say that sounded real rich. But then again, Luffy made him his first mate for a reason. If he didn't trust the man's advice then why trust him with his life and crew and...pretty much everything else? The thought made Luffy grimace but the words still gave him pause, made him reconsider some things. It hurt to admit, but Zoro made a good point. Even after dating Jaggy and Torao for so long, they never called it love and that…the realization floored him so that he couldn't help but suck in a painful breath.
"Crap. I should say that, shouldn't I? I should tell them I love them!"
Zoro grunted, something vaguely disgusted twisting over his face. "It would be a nice start, at least," he huffed. After sheathing his swords, he dragged a hand through his hair, shooting Luffy a questioning look. "Hey. You know we've always got your back, right? If you love them, we'll support you until the end. Even if those dicks are fucking obnoxious," he added with a scoff. Every person from all three of their crew surely felt the same way, Straw Hats, Hearts, and Kid pirates, they all found themselves caught up in the same gravity. If any one of them planned to bail, then they lost the chance long ago. No one could escape this storm.
Peace settled over Luffy at the thought. Did he really care that their relationship would shock the world? His friends would stand by his side and those two…Luffy would never let them go. Not Law. Not Kid. Not even the alliance between their crews. Luffy would prove that no one could stand in their way. He would love Jaggy and Torao without reservation until every person in the world knew it. He would make sure of that.
His actions smooth and sure, Luffy pressed his hat into place with a smile. "Thanks Zoro, but I think I've got this now. You can tell the others to back off. They'll understand." He flashed a brilliant smile and turned, staring into the glittering depths of the sea. "Because, this time, I have a real plan."
"Good." A single breath escaped before Zoro nodded and turned away. "About fucking time." He left Luffy like that, with dozens of ideas filtering through his mind. Determination propelled him into action, but he still needed the 'what'. Something to win over both of his boyfriends. Something amazing.
Right.
When his thoughts settled, Luffy found himself grinning at the gathering tufts of clouds because the realization, when it hit him, nearly made him want to laugh with the sheer simplicity of it. He loved the answer, though. Because, from the very start, he could do nothing but share the truth. He could only be himself. And, with that thought, he turned back to the Sunny, ready to put his will into action.