1
It was a day that started as any other in Torchwood… disorganized and fucking stupidly. Ianto now stood in the ankle-deep marsh staring at the man who had reached for the piece of tat at the same time as him and they both gave an audible groan as they realized… at the same time… how stupid that had been.
As Jack's hands released the item to fall to his sides, Ianto huffed softly in a strangled American accent, "Fucking brilliant."
"What is it, Jack?" Owen stormed over, his arms pumping as he reached for it and Jack and Ianto roared at the same time not to touch it.
It was Ianto's Welsh vowels that answered in Jack's body, "Well it is apparently a soul swapper or something."
Owen blinked, looked at the other one, "Say something."
"Owen, this is not the time for that," Jack's American drawl growled from Ianto and Owen started to laugh as he pointed, "Oh My God! T-Boy with Jack's voice is too fucking funny!"
"Owen, this is NOT funny at all," Jack-in-Ianto or Jack/Ianto replied. He looked at the other one who had a glower of doom that surprisingly played quite well on Jack's features, and he smiled softly, "Come on Tiger. It is kinda funny but… damn… you feel hungry. Do you ever eat?"
A blank glare told him that Ianto/Jack was not amused.
Jack sighed, "Look, we need to figure out how to reverse this. If we don't, who knows what kind of problems might arise. I mean, what if there's some kind of emergency and we're stuck like this?"
Ianto nodded, his mind already racing with possibilities. "We need to get this thing back to the Hub and analyze it properly. Maybe Tosh can help us figure out how it works."
Owen chuckled, "Yeah, because Tosh is going to love this. Can't wait to see her face when she realizes you two have swapped bodies."
The trio made their way back to the SUV, carefully placing the mysterious object into a containment box. As they drove back to the Hub, Ianto and Jack continued to exchange uneasy glances, both acutely aware of the strangeness of their situation.
Upon arriving at the Hub, they were greeted by Tosh and Gwen, who immediately noticed something was off. "What happened?" Tosh asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.
Jack, in Ianto's body, explained the situation as best as he could, detailing the events that led to the accidental soul swap. Tosh listened intently, her analytical mind already working on a solution.
"This is incredible," she said, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I've never seen anything like this before. We'll need to run some tests and see if we can figure out how to reverse it."
Gwen, meanwhile, couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. "So, who's who again?" she asked, trying to keep a straight face.
"I'm Jack," Ianto replied, his Welsh accent sounding strange coming from Jack's body. "And that's Ianto," he said, pointing to his own body, now inhabited by Jack.
Gwen shook her head, still chuckling. "This is going to take some getting used to."
As Tosh began her analysis, the rest of the team gathered around, offering their support and suggestions. They knew that, despite the bizarre circumstances, they were all in this together. And with a little luck and a lot of teamwork, they would find a way to set things right.
"Why not just touch it together again and swap back that, I don't see the fucking problem" Owen groused as he followed them back to the SUV to get a containment box.
Jack/Ianto replied calmly making Owen snigger as Ianto's mouth sneered in a Jack way "Because what if another entity is in there and we just release it while trapping one of us in there in return?"
"OK… you gotta wear masks or name tags or something… this is getting creepy." Owen giggled "Oh god, the girls are gonna love this shit."
Both men shared a look of shared annoyance.
Gotta be a Wednesday.
.
.
"So is Jack immortal… or is Ianto" Gwen asked as she sipped her coffee, looking from one to the other, still bugged out that Jack had made coffee. And his sleeves were rolled up in a Iantoish way… and the waistcoat… where did that come from… She knew it that Ianto was in the Jack body and had gone through Jack's wardrobe to find it but still… this was weird.
"No idea" both men replied together.
"So… if I shoot Ianto will he have Jack's immortality?" Owen asked, his eyes narrowing.
"Don't you bloody dare!" came a snarled reply from both men as Gwen gave a loud gasp.
"What about my wedding" she blurted "Oh god, what if this…"
"Gwen, I will have this sorted by then, don't worry about it. Your day will be perfect" Jack/Ianto scoffed and his polished brogues slamming to the deck as Ianto/Jack scolded silently, and they were sheepishly lowered with a soft "Sorry Tiger. I forgot, these scuff."
"Oh my god" Gwen wailed.
.
.
The two men stood in the shower contemplating one another and then the giggling started.
"Did you see her face?"
"I know, I mean… what if we kept up the pretense after we sort this out… just to fuck with her?"
"That's mean Jack!"
"Exactly, right?"
Kisses and fondling before "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Don't be silly… come on. Did you never wonder how it feels for me? I wanna know what it feels like to be fucked by me!"
"Jack! So crass. Besides… I don't know if I can wrangle this serpent."
More giggling as they acted like two little boys comparing willies behind the bike shed, the novelty of feeling one another in their hands… the different feelings and zapping… felt so exciting.
Sex was slippery and Ianto finally led Jack out to the nice low benches for their clothes, making fucking ever so much better. Safer and it amused them both to whisper to one another that Safety in the Workplace was Torchwood's middle name…not.
"Must remember this when we are back in our own bodies" came a panted exclamation of glee "This height is perfect."
"Never saw it before, had to be the one riding the horsie to see… shut up."
"Yea haw cowboy"
Giggles.
.
.
The novelty was gone.
Ianto had forgotten what a fucking horn dog Jack was and seeing him flirt with one of the Heddlu Officers in his Ianto body was not cool. The argument had been tense, Jack reminding Ianto that he was not 'all that and a picket of crisps' and that they were just friends with benefits… right?
Ouch.
Jack/Ianto had now broken the raggedy old photocopier and he stood watching as Ianto/Jack muttered and banged at it.
"My hands are really big" Jack/Ianto said conversantly to Owen "I never realized how big they are, look at Ianto's hands, so much smaller. I mean… cupping a woman's breast must be different right? Or a man's arse?"
Owen opened and closed his mouth as Ianto/Jack slowly turned to stare at him, the look of doom almost setting him on fire. Shit. Owen felt sorry for the poor bloke, destined to be Jack's side piece to whomever else he fancied in the moment.
Jack/Ianto held up the hands in question and looked at them "And his nails… look at them."
They had attempted a swap back, both touching the thing, but nothing had happened. The old dog-eared file they had found was little help, all of the old files from a hundred odd years ago were strange and Ianto sighed softly.
"Maybe we used the last of it's power to swap" Jack/Ianto shrugged with his usual aplomb.
"No, this can't be right. Come on… I can't be you and you… you are stretching my suits when you do that weird back stretch thing you do!" Ianto said, the real reason being the fear of his body catching some disease while his dick was being waved about like a feckin wand in a Harry Potter book.
"What?"
"Did you find the other file?" Owen begged Toshiko as she finally appeared covered in cobwebs and dust with a look of determination and she nodded, handing it over to a relieved Jack/Ianto, even as Ianto/Jack looked horrified at the mess.
Soon the two men were back in the shower… just bare feet and water in the pan ta… as they now knew water conducted the swap.
There was a moment of silence once both hands touched it and Owen said "Well? For Fucksake… did it work?"
"I don't know Owen… maybe back the fuck off" Ianto said in a Jack drawl and Owen groaned.
"Wow, I didn't know you could do that" Jack's voice came from his own body as he gapped at the Welshman.
"How else do you think I shield you from UNIT calls?" Ianto replied, now with a Welsh accent.
Owen slumped back with relief as Toshiko laughed at them all and went back to work, Gwen nowhere to be seen. Some note about a wedding cake thing on the desk.
They would all be glad when this wedding bullshit was over.
Nothing else could go wrong now.
Right?