Chapter Seventeen: Out of the Shadows
Dearest Gentle Reader, we have been apart for far too long. At last, London's fashionable set has made its return. And so too has this author.
As the season begins, the question on everyone's mind is, of course, which newly minted debutante will shine the brightest? The crop this year appears to be rather dazzling. There is the exquisite Miss Malhotra, said to be quite a catch. Miss Stowell is thought to be a most accomplished young lady. The mild-mannered Miss Hartigan will certainly appeal to genteel suitors. Miss Kenworthy is a welcome entry, brimming with confidence and charisma. And then there is Miss Barragan, who certainly stands out in a crowd.
And let us not forget, should we all need a little excitement, there is another Bridgerton making her debut this year.
Debutantes aside, there is also the question of which gentleman will reveal himself as the prize of the season. For our young ladies will certainly need someone dashing at whom to set their caps. Whoever it is that makes the finest match this year, let us hope that their pairing brings some titillation.
For, of the status quo, this author quickly grows weary.
Letitia Everly was in the Bridgerton sitting room, sipping tea as she sat by the piano, listening to Francesca as she played Mozart's 'Funeral March', smirking slightly to herself. She was just finishing the tune when the other Bridgerton's rushed in.
"Francesca?" Violet asked as she walked in. "There you are, dear. And Letty!"
"Hello," Letty smiled, standing from her seat. "I was heading upstairs to help Francesca get ready when I heard her playing. She was already prepared to go."
"You may help me put this thing in my hair," Francesca smirked, grabbing the head dress."
"How'd you get down here? I've been waiting at your door all morning?" Hyacinth asked.
"I woke up early, got dressed, and took breakfast in the garden, because it is just another day," Francesca stated, standing straight once Letty had finished pinning the large feather into her hair. "Shall we go?"
Letty and Kate shared a soft smile as she passed her and Anthony with Francesca. She avoided looking at Eloise or Benedict though, memories of the last times she'd spoken to each of them burned into her mind. Her conversation with Benedict had only been two or three weeks ago after all, him doing the business dealings for the family with Anthony and Kate on their honeymoon and Anthony telling Benedict that if he had any questions to "ask your wife".
Letty remembered when he'd finally taken his brother's advice and seeked her out.
"Miss?" Sofie had knocked on the office door.
"Yes?" Letty asked, not looking up from the letter she was writing.
"Your husband is here," Sofie stated and Letty looked up in surprise to find Benedict staring in at her.
"Thank you, Sofie," Letty nodded and Sofie left the two alone, Benedict stepping into the office. "What brings you by?"
"I have a… quarry about a problem with one of the estates," he admitted and Letty waved him over.
Benedict took the spot beside her, Letty always keeping a chair there for days where she and Anthony would work on things side-by-side. Benedict showed Letty the issue rather than speak and she grabbed a blank piece of paper and her quill.
"So, when it comes to the metal traders, Anthony mentioned wanting to invest in George Stephenson. Did he do that?" Letty asked Benedict.
"He did," Benedict nodded, flipping the page to show her the list of investments.
"Alright. So, if we go back a few more pages," Letty said, turning the pages quickly, "there it is. This is the contract between the two. Has the money been sent to him for the investment?"
"No. I didn't see this to know how much to send him," Benedict sighed, rubbing his eyes.
"No matter," Letty shook her head. "We still have time. I'd say take the contract to your broker tomorrow and get the money then. As for the crops, the ground froze too harshly last year to plant anything on this estate. That is why you're seeing the decline in payment in the Northern area. Send livestock and food to the farmers from this estate in the Southern area to help them."
"I remember Anthony saying something about that at the beginning of last season," Benedict whispered.
"I'm sure it was surrounded by other things said in rapid succession," Letty smirked to Benedict.
"Yes. He asked mother for the betrothal ring in the same sentence and that was what we all concentrated on," Benedict smirked back.
The two just stared at each other for a long moment, their smirks falling from their faces.
"I should- um…" Letty began writing on the blank paper.
"Yes," Benedict said, clearing his throat. "Apologizes."
"None needed. Let this dry and then take it with you. It's just a list of things to check on and how to do so. I'm sure you've already taken care of it, but just in case," Letty stated.
She set her quill down, moving the paper back to dry out of the way. She glanced over at Benedict, seeing his eyes locked on her.
"Stop… staring at me like that," she said, shivering slightly.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Like… that," she waved her hand towards his face.
"I'm just staring at you," he sighed, looking away.
"Why are you staring at me?" Letty asked him.
"I'm trying to figure out how you managed… everything," he whispered. "You take care of the entirety of the Everly Estates, you were in society as a debutante and writing Lady Whistledown, plus you were playing match maker for Anthony and making gowns for yourself and others."
"I like staying busy," Letty sighed.
She truly was tired from everything she'd kept up with. Designing and making gowns, taking care of estates, watching over Anthony and Pen. It was all a bit much.
"You seem… exhausted," he admitted.
"Is that the polite way of telling me I have bags under my eyes?" Letty asked him.
"Possibly," he provided.
"Do you still hate me?" she asked, voice a whisper.
"I've never hated you," he whispered back. "I'm not thrilled with you."
"Obviously," she nodded. "Understandably."
"I do… miss you, though," he admitted.
"You miss me?" she asked, voice barely above a whisper.
"I do," he nodded.
The two stared at one another for a long moment before Benedict finally made a move. It was a few hours later, the two naked and covered by nothing other than a thin blanket on the lounger, that Benedict finally asked the question.
"Do you still plan to write Whistledown now?"
"Yes."
"Then this can't happen again."
Letty tried to ignore the longing that she felt for Benedict every second of everyday. They had agreed to appear fine in the public eye in order to protect the Bridgerton name, but they lived separate lives. Benedict had his apartment and Letty had her house. Benedict had dropped out of the art academy after discovering that Anthony had paid his way into the school and had thrown himself into the Bridgerton paperwork while Anthony was distracted with Kate instead. Letty offered assistance when he asked for it and made the dresses for ladies of the ton, multiple mama's coming to Letty for gowns now. Madame Delacroix had approached her one day and the two had decided to work together, Letty no longer concerned over Benedict's previous relationship with the woman.
"Are you nervous?" Hyacinth asked Francesca.
"It is just another day," Francesca repeated.
"I can't wait for my coming out day," Hyacinth sighed. "Letty will make my dress, won't you?"
"Of course," Letty smiled. "Now, come here. Let me fix your braid."
There was a bit of a commotion outside the Bridgerton home.
"What are they squawking about?" Hyacinth asked, staring down the walk.
"Like they spotted a side of beef," Anthony sighed.
"Is that—" Benedict began.
"Our brother?" Anthony finished.
"Colin?" Kate wasn't the only one surprised.
Colin smiled brightly when he saw them all gathered, hurrying over to them out of the sea of debutantes. His skin was tanned now and his build seemed stronger. His hair was styled in an attractive manner and his leather coat billowed behind him as he walked.
"Family," he greeted. "Apologies for my late arrival. I got stuck in presentation traffic. Do you not wish to greet me?"
Hyacinth ran forward first, hugging Colin tightly. His mother was next followed by Letty, Kate, and then Eloise. He looked across the street and Letty followed his eyes, seeing Pen staring at them from behind a shrubbery.
"Are you not going to change or…?" Benedict asked Colin before they all began climbing into buggies.
"Shall we give the brothers time to reacquaint with each other?" Kate smiled.
"Or is it time to reacquaint with each other?" Letty smiled to Kate.
"Who knows?" she shrugged before the two climbed into a buggy together, their husbands, Colin, and Gregory climbing into another as Francesca, Hyacinth, and Violet climbed into another.
"So, how are things going with you and Benedict?" Kate asked the moment that the buggy began moving. "You seemed close when we arrived."
"It's for show," Letty sighed. "We agreed to be civil and not embarrass the family. He still has his apartment while I reside in my home. I helped him with the family estate whenever he asked and we will be appearing in society together as expected."
"Why don't you just tell him the truth?" Kate sighed.
"Because then he'll tell Eloise and Eloise will stop speaking with Pen," Letty sighed. "I did this to protect Pen. I'm not going to take it back now. Pen and I have been discussing things at length. She'll tell Eloise soon and we'll go from there. For now… I can make do."
"I couldn't imagine Anthony not speaking to me for something I did not do," she sighed.
"Speaking of, how was the honeymoon?" Letty smiled.
"Oh, you know how honeymoons are," she waved Letty off.
"I will remind you that I did not have one," Letty laughed.
"Oh, that's right," Kate gasped.
"It's fine," Letty gave a soft smile. "Things will work out in the end."
"I hope so," Kate told Letty, taking her hand and giving a gentle squeeze.
The two stood side by side as they waited for Francesca to be presented, Anthony on Kate's other side and Benedict behind Letty. Eloise stood beside Benedict, glaring at the back of Letty's head before calming herself as Colin slid in beside her.
"Since when do you glide into a room?" Eloise whispered the question.
"Since when do you wear so many ruffles?" Colin shot back, both sounding amused.
"It is the style of the season," Eloise informed him.
The queen was not entertained by any of the ladies being presented so far. Francesca was finally presented and her eyes traveled to her family. Kate and Letty gave encouraging smiles and she stepped forward. She bowed to the queen perfectly and the queen yawned. Letty's smile dropped slightly.
Letty was busy as she moved through her home, preparing everything for the tea with the young ladies that were presented just the day before. Kate entered, smiling and offering a helping hand. Letty thanked her before she left, kissing Letty's cheek before heading back to Bridgerton house. The young debutantes entered a few at a time, all smiling politely and heading to the sun room, Sophie leading their handmaids to a separate room to relax for the afternoon.
"Welcome to tea," Letty gave a soft smile. "Your handmaids are not here to listen in. You may speak freely amongst each other here."
The girls all looked relieved, just as they had last year, before they began talking together. Letty smiled, walking the room as Sophie and a few of her maids moved around the room, serving tea and offering small snacks. Francesca stuck to Letty's side, extremely uncomfortable around the crowd. Letty led her to the music room where a piano was resting, sheet music already open to Mozart for her.
Just as she had last year, she gave her workers the rest of the day off after the ladies had left. She ate on the small sandwiches and drank tea, lounging about a bit. She'd had light spotting earlier in the day but nothing else. She found it strange but thought nothing of it, more annoyed with how often she'd been using the chamber pot that day, slowing down on the tea quite a bit.
The next morning, Letty went to eat breakfast before rushing to the chamber pot, losing the small bit of breakfast she'd had. She laid in bed, eating dry bread and drinking water instead.
She began feeling better as the day went on and she got ready, telling Sophie to allow Pen and Eloise to enter when she came to visit. She was confused until Pen spoke up.
"I need to find a husband," Pen told her.
"Need to?" Letty asked, confused.
"I cannot continue where I am. One of my sisters will become Lady Featherington once they produce an heir and I refuse to be under one of them," Pen told her.
"I've been waiting for this," Letty smirked. "Come."
Pen and a glaring Eloise followed Letty to her work room.
"Sophie? Will you assist me?"
"Of course," Sophie smiled.
Sophie and Letty pulled out every dress that Letty had created for Pen. Pen gasped as she began opening boxes, staring at the gowns inside.
"You would look lovely in green and blue," Letty told Pen. "I've been preparing gowns for you just in case you ever decided that you didn't wish to be a wall flower anymore. These are sure to make you stand out."
"You've been making Pen gowns in case she decided she wanted a husband?" Eloise questioned. "What do you want in return?"
"I believe I've already taken plenty from Pen," Letty commented and Pen gave her a look.
"I will pay you for each one," Pen told her.
"You do not need to," Letty shook her head.
"I insist," Pen grabbed Letty's hand. "These are beautiful, Letty. Thank you."
"Of course," Letty gave a soft smile. "If any of them need to be brought in or taken out or are not to your liking, let me know."
Rae and Sophie carried the dresses over to Featherington house and Eloise dragged Pen away. Pen and Letty shared sad looks before Letty headed for the chamber pot again, groaning in frustration.
"Miss?" Tabitha, one of the maids, asked as Letty exited the loo. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Tabitha. Thank you," Letty gave a soft smile.
"Are you sure, miss? You were sick this morning—"
"If I get sick again, I'll call for the doctor," Letty promised and Tabitha nodded, seeming relieved.
Letty was sick the next morning. She didn't understand what was wrong and suddenly her breast were tender as well. She began feeling better as the day went on again and Letty dressed for the ball, hoping Pen would wear one of the gowns she'd made to Lady Danbury's ball and hoping Lady Danbury hadn't used as many flowers this year.
Benedict escorted Letty into the ball, both with smiles forced onto their faces as they followed behind Kate, Anthony, and Francesca.
"Shall we have one of our dances of the evening?" Benedict asked Letty, voice low.
"You did always claim my first dance was yours," Letty reminded him.
Benedict nodded before finally setting his eyes on her for the first real time that night. He looked her over, noticing that the gown she wore hugging her curves and made her seem more beautiful than ever before. He stepped back and held out his hand to her.
"May I have your first dance, wife?" he asked.
"You may," Letty nodded, taking his offered hand.
It was hard for Letty to remind herself that Benedict did not want her anymore. When he held her close as they danced and stared into her eyes with such intensity, it was as if they were the only ones in the room. She felt sick to her stomach as he spun her around and she stopped dancing a few paces before the song ended.
"Excuse me," she whispered, leaving the dance floor quickly to find a chamber pot.
Benedict had started chasing after her before Portia Featherington got ahead of him, going after Letty herself. The young lady had spent more time with the Featherington's over the last few months than she had in years and Portia worried for Letty terribly. Her husband only came to see her once a month until recently when he'd been seen going in and out of her home twice a week.
Letty was getting sick when Portia arrived, missing Pen's entrance in the process. She held Letty's hair back, rubbing her back gently.
"Was it something you ate?" Portia asked her.
"I don't know," Letty shook her head, wiping her mouth with a wash cloth quickly. "I was sick yesterday morning and this morning as well. It went away until a moment ago."
"It's worse in the mornings?" Portia asked and Letty nodded.
"Any tenderness anywhere in your body?" Portia asked, her voice dropping to a whisper.
"A bit," Letty nodded.
"Have you had your monthlies?" Portia asked, brow raised.
"Ye—"
Letty stopped answering, thinking it over. Her monthly had just been a bit of spotting and then nothing more. She began hyperventilating and Portia pulled her to a bench, calming Letty quickly and getting her breathing back under control just as she used to do for her mother, Elizabeth.
"I can't… I can't be…" Letty tried to get out.
"Letty… is Benedict- I mean, has he- I know the two of you aren't alright," Portia got out. "He hasn't been… hurting you, has he?"
"What do you mean?" Letty asked, confused.
"Has he been… hitting you or forcing himself on you?" Portia asked.
"No," Letty shook her head quickly. "No. Nothing like that. We simply discovered that we weren't right for each other too late."
"You aren't right for each other but you're pregnant with his child? It is his child, yes? You can tell me," Portia told her.
"It's his," Letty nodded before she finally spoke it out loud. "I'm pregnant."
"Let's get you home," Portia nodded. "I'll call for the doctor myself."
"You should stay with Pen," Letty shook her head.
"Pen can be watched over by Rae and her sisters. You are the one who needs someone looking after you. Where is your Aunt Helena?"
"I'll write to her," Letty promised as they stood, leaving the loo, Portia's arms around Letty.
The two snuck out of the ball, Portia calling for a carriage quickly. They went straight to Letty's home and Portia had Tabitha run to collect a doctor. Portia helped Letty change into her nightdress and lay on the bed, helping her to become comfortable as they waited. Sophie brought in dry bread, handing a roll to Letty to help her.
"Doctor Buford, miss," Tabitha said, stepping into the room with the doctor.
"Dr. Buford," Portia stood. "Mrs. Bridgerton and I believe she may be pregnant. We were hoping you'd be able to confirm if we are correct or not and perhaps provide something to help with sickness either way."
"How far along do you believe yourself to be, Mrs. Bridgerton?" Buford asked.
"About three weeks," Letty told him.
"Any sickness?"
"Yes. Yesterday morning, this morning, and tonight," Letty nodded.
"She was on the dance floor, spinning," Portia provided.
"Any tenderness?" he asked.
"In my breast," Letty nodded, feeling awkward as she told the man about her body.
"Gross skin?"
"What do you mean by that?" Letty asked, confused.
"Your nipples. Are they becoming darker at all?" he clarified.
"I do not know," she admitted. "I don't really stare at myself."
"Loss of appetite?"
"She's been eating less the pass three days," Sophie offered.
"She's also needed the chamber pot more and more," Tabitha spoke up.
"I can give you a tonic to help with the sickness," Buford nodded. "I shall have it delivered in the morning."
"Is that it?" Letty asked.
"Yes," Buford nodded before leaving the room.
"I expected… I don't even know," Letty sighed.
"Yes. Carrying babies can be a lonely road," Portia told her. "Write your aunt. Tell her the news and have her come stay with you."
Letty nodded and Portia left. Portia was a cold woman at times with strange ways to show people that she cared. Sophie brought Letty a quill and paper and she wrote a quick letter to her aunt. Tabitha took the letter to the courier to be delivered as soon as possible. Letty stayed in bed the next two days, feeling more and more sick. Buford sent the concoction over but it smelt so terribly that Letty could not bring herself to drink it.
On the third day, Benedict showed up, looking for a bit of advice since Anthony was going to be extending his honeymoon. Tabitha tried sending him away but he refused, looking to Sophie for answers. In truth, he had grown to be friends with the handmaid, Sophie sending him word once a week with how Letty was doing. Letty didn't know that Sophie kept Benedict informed on her or how much he truly still cared for her.
"She's been sick," Sophie admitted.
"Sophie," Tabitha gasped.
"He's her husband. He should know when something is wrong," Sophie defended.
"Some husband," Tabitha grumbled, walking away to warn Letty that Benedict was there.
"What's wrong with her?" Benedict asked, moving closer to Sophie.
"She should tell you," Sophie said, leading him down the hall.
Benedict took Sophie's arm gently, pulling her into the room across from Letty's quickly.
"Sophie, if something is going on with Letty—"
"She should tell you this," Sophie insisted.
The two were standing quite close, whispering back and forth a bit when Letty peeked into the room.
"We can't keep our… arrangement anymore," Sophie told Benedict.
"I don't see why not," Benedict shook his head. "This changes nothing."
"It changes everything," Sophie told him.
The floorboard creaked as Letty took a step backward. She had heard enough. Sophie and Benedict turned quickly, seeing Letty staring at them with wide eyes. They realized then how it must look, the two of them standing so closely together and whispering to one another.
"Letty—" Benedict tried.
Letty ran though. She didn't care how sick it made her feel. Her heart was broken. She knew that she and Benedict were separated, but she never thought he'd be so cruel as to be with anyone else, especially not her handmaid. And Sophie… God, Sophie.
Letty ran to Featherington house, tears spilling from her eyes. Mrs. Varley opened the door and gasped in shock before letting Letty in, leading her to a sitting room quickly before rushing off to find Portia. Portia ran in, going to Letty's side quickly and wrapping an arm around her.
"What is it? What has happened?" Portia asked, holding Letty.
"Benedict… he and Sophie… I found them…"
"Oh, dear," Portia gasped out. "There, there, sweet girl. Breath for me. It is not good for the baby."
Dearest Gentle Reader,
When the tide of change turns, it can be sudden, fierce, and deadly. Especially for the unprepared. It seems to this author that our bon ton is moving with the changing tide, to be sure. While others are clinging firmly to that which they already know.
None more so than our queen, who has still yet to choose a diamond. This author wonders if her hesitancy is a symptom of fortitude or fear. If it is the latter, pride is past achievements will not benefit her, as our debutantes are ready to play this season. Your serve, Your Majesty.
Dare I say, this author is ready to play as well. I do not fear change. I embrace it.
And then there are some who take the embrace of change a step too far, as with Mr. Colin Bridgerton, who seems to have embraced a new personality entirely. But one must wonder, is this new character the real him, or simply a ploy for attention? And does Mr. Bridgerton even know?