Hi guys, as I stated in my A/N I've been working on updating this story. So here it is, the updated version!
So, this story came to mind when I was reading, "Watching the Doctor." By RedRobyn2. Hopefully you guys like this story!
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or its characters, I'm merely borrowing them for a bit, I'll put them back, I promise!
The Doctor sits with her back to the wall, facing the cell doors with a blank look on her face as she thinks back to what she saw on Gallifrey. Thoughts of the Timeless Child, and faces she has worn, but can't remember going through her head. A mother she had never known but had been tortured by. Her whole life, a lie. Who is she? Can she even call herself "The Doctor" anymore? If she looks in a mirror would she see herself or just a nameless stranger?
These thoughts keep swirling around in her head, making her dizzy and even more confused than she already is. She was so sure of herself and her place in the universe before going back to Gallifrey. Before meeting Ruth, Lee and Gat.
Lee, a friend? Lover? Spouse? She wishes she knew. His and Gat's deaths lay heavy on her conscience. The deaths of all of those still on Gallifrey when the Master destroyed it. Why? Why had they stolen her lives from her? Why did the Master have to show her this?
Suddenly a light appears inside her cell, distracting her from her thoughts. As she sits up the light moves closer to her almost as if it is trying to get her to come closer.
"What are you?"
She whispers, her voice hoarse from disuse. As if reacting to her voice the light brushes past her and moves to the corner of the cell. Walking towards it she notes a faint whooshing sound, not unlike the TARDIS, can be heard coming from the light.
"Well, this is new. I didn't know you could do this old girl. Have you come to break me out?"
The Doctor smiles and steps back a few steps.
"Right then, let's get a shift on, promised the fam I'd be right behind them. Though, I suppose I'm quite a ways behind them by now."
With a deep breath the Doctor closes her eyes and steps into the light. When she opens her eyes again she finds herself standing in a room that looks a lot like a waiting room at a human doctors office. She grins at the comparison and looks around the room, quickly spotting a door off to her left. Turning to walk to the door a voice behind her stops her in her tracks.
"Hello, Doctor."
The Doctor spins around with wide eyes, nearly tripling over her own feet.
"Sexy! What? How? What?!"
The TARDIS smiles happily and steps forward with open arms, engulfing the dumbfounded Doctor in a tight hug.
"All good questions, my thief. All which will be answered in due time. But for now we must talk."
Comes a giggled reply from the TARDIS as they pull away from the hug.
"First thing's first, we need to get you cleaned up and back in your usual clothes. Once you've done that, come back into this room and we will talk before I let you know of my plans."
The TARDIS leads the Doctor to the door, once opened, the doctor can see her bedroom, exactly as she had left it when River left Darillium for The Library. She had taken to sleeping in other rooms on the ship to avoid the memories of the 24 wonderful years she spent with her wife.
Walking into the room, she can still smell River's perfume, still strong despite the years the room had been unoccupied. At the foot of the bed is her usual outfit, three quarter trousers, her rainbow striped shirt, her blue-grey coat with rainbows on the lining, and her sonic sitting right on top of the folded pile.
"My sonic! I thought I'd lost this when the guards took my things."
She grabs her sonic and holds it close to her chest, tears springing up in her eyes. She reaches down to grab her clothes, replicas, they have to be; seeing as the prison she is supposed to be being held in had burned what she had been wearing when she was processed for holding.
"I wouldn't let that happen, I know how much it means to you."
The TARDIS says with a soft smile, her eyes warm as she stares at her Time Lord.
"Now, you should get cleaned up. I will be outside when you've finished."
The TARDIS walks back into the waiting room and closes the door behind her as she leaves.
The Doctor walks to the bathroom and hesitantly looks into the mirror. She is quite shocked by what she sees. She has dark circles under her eyes and tear tracks on her cheeks, her hair is tangled and greasy. She's quite a mess, she looks tired and worn. But, as she looks into her reflection's eyes she can't seem to recognize herself. It feels like she's looking at a picture of a stranger. With a sigh the Doctor turns away from the mirror and sets her clothes down on the counter before turning on the shower.
Stepping out of the bedroom and back into the waiting room, the Doctor sees the TARDIS sitting at a table laid out with food and tea.
"There's my Doctor."
She says with a soft smile and a gesture for the Doctor to sit across from her.
"You should eat, I've got your favourites here for you."
"I should get back to Sheffield, my fam's waiting for me. I've kept them waiting long enough."
The Doctor protests while sitting down. As she looks at the table, her stomach growls, reminding her of just how long it has been since she has last eaten.
"I've got that covered. Besides, I did say we needed to talk."
The TARDIS watches as the Doctor piles her plate high with food and starts to dig in. A soft hum of delight falls from the Doctor's mouth as her eyes close. The taste of the food is heavenly after eating the nutrient cubes the prison gives out.
"Doctor, I know that the revelation of the Timeless Child has changed how you see yourself, what you think of yourself. I need you to see that this doesn't change who you are. You are still the Doctor at heart."
The Doctor puts her fork down and rolls her eyes before looking up at her TARDIS. Her eyes brimming with tears, she sniffles quietly and takes a deep breath.
"Who am I? What am I? How can I be the Doctor if I have a whole past that I can't remember? My whole existence has been a lie! Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong."
"Your past does not define you. You define yourself every day, by helping those that need it, by showing people the universe and giving them experiences they'd never have otherwise. You have changed lives, saved them!"
Replies the ship with a pained look on her face.
"How do you know that? You know what Gat said about the Division. What did I do for them? What kind of person was I? Did they call themselves the Doctor too? How many faces did I have? Did I ever make any choices for myself?"
The Doctor's voice breaks and finally, she allows the tears she's been keeping at bay to fall. She wraps her arms around herself as she releases gasping sobs that instantly have the TARDIS out of her seat and next to the sobbing Time Lord.
"I know this is hard, Doctor, but that's why I came to get you. I'm going to help you remember who you are, who you always have been."
The TARDIS snaps her fingers and a door appears opposite of the previous door.
"In there you will find what you need to help you remember who you are."
As the Doctor stands from the chair she looks towards the door and wipes her eyes with her sleeve.
"What's through there? A look into my past?"
She jokes weakly.
"Yes."
With that reply the Doctor turns sharply and looks at her ship with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.
"Through that door is a look into your past, you will see all the good that you've done for the universe. Remember, with good comes bad, these won't just be happy memories, these will be all your memories."
The Doctor steps towards the door and just before her hand touches the doorknob she turns back to the TARDIS, only to see that she is once again alone in the room.
"Well, no time like the present. Here we go."
Another blinding light greets her on the other side of the door. As she raises her hand to block the light from her eyes, a shape steps into her line of vision and she hears the two best words ever spoken.
"Hello sweetie."
"Sexy! What? How? What?!"
The TARDIS smiles happily and steps forward with open arms, engulfing the dumbfounded Doctor in a tight hug.
"All good questions, my thief. All which will be answered in due time. But for now we must talk."
Comes a giggled reply from the TARDIS as they pull away from the hug.
"First thing's first, we need to get you cleaned up and back in your usual clothes. Once you've done that, come back into this room and we will talk before I let you know of my plans."
The TARDIS leads the Doctor to the door, once opened, the doctor can see her bedroom, exactly as she had left it when River left Darillium for The Library. She had taken to sleeping in other rooms on the ship to avoid the memories of the 24 wonderful years she spent with her wife.
Walking into the room, she can still smell River's perfume, still strong despite the years the room had been unoccupied. At the foot of the bed is her usual outfit, three quarter trousers, her rainbow striped shirt, her blue-grey coat with rainbows on the lining, and her sonic sitting right on top of the folded pile.
"My sonic! I thought I'd lost this when the guards took my things."
She grabs her sonic and holds it close to her chest, tears springing up in her eyes. She reaches down to grab her clothes, replicas, they have to be; seeing as the prison she is supposed to be being held in had burned what she had been wearing when she was processed for holding.
"I wouldn't let that happen, I know how much it means to you."
The TARDIS says with a soft smile, her eyes warm as she stares at her Time Lord.
"Now, you should get cleaned up. I will be outside when you've finished."
The TARDIS walks back into the waiting room and closes the door behind her as she leaves.
—
The Doctor walks to the bathroom and hesitantly looks into the mirror. She is quite shocked by what she sees. She has dark circles under her eyes and tear tracks on her cheeks, her hair is tangled and greasy. She's quite a mess, she looks tired and worn. But, as she looks into her reflection's eyes she can't seem to recognize herself. It feels like she's looking at a picture of a stranger. With a sigh the Doctor turns away from the mirror and sets her clothes down on the counter before turning on the shower.
Stepping out of the bedroom and back into the waiting room, the Doctor sees the TARDIS sitting at a table laid out with food and tea.
"There's my Doctor."
She says with a soft smile and a gesture for the Doctor to sit across from her.
"You should eat, I've got your favourites here for you."
"I should get back to Sheffield, my fam's waiting for me. I've kept them waiting long enough."
The Doctor protests while sitting down. As she looks at the table, her stomach growls, reminding her of just how long it has been since she has last eaten.
"I've got that covered. Besides, I did say we needed to talk."
The TARDIS watches as the Doctor piles her plate high with food and starts to dig in. A soft hum of delight falls from the Doctor's mouth as her eyes close. The taste of the food is heavenly after eating the nutrient cubes the prison gives out.
"Doctor, I know that the revelation of the Timeless Child has changed how you see yourself, what you think of yourself. I need you to see that this doesn't change who you are. You are still the Doctor at heart."
The Doctor puts her fork down and rolls her eyes before looking up at her TARDIS. Her eyes brimming with tears, she sniffles quietly and takes a deep breath.
"Who am I? What am I? How can I be the Doctor if I have a whole past that I can't remember? My whole existence has been a lie! Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong."
"Your past does not define you. You define yourself every day, by helping those that need it, by showing people the universe and giving them experiences they'd never have otherwise. You have changed lives, saved them!"
Replies the ship with a pained look on her face.
"How do you know that? You know what Gat said about the Division. What did I do for them? What kind of person was I? Did they call themselves the Doctor too? How many faces did I have? Did I ever make any choices for myself?"
The Doctor's voice breaks and finally, she allows the tears she's been keeping at bay to fall. She wraps her arms around herself as she releases gasping sobs that instantly have the TARDIS out of her seat and next to the sobbing Time Lord.
"I know this is hard, Doctor, but that's why I came to get you. I'm going to help you remember who you are, who you always have been."
The TARDIS snaps her fingers and a door appears opposite of the previous door.
"In there you will find what you need to help you remember who you are."
As the Doctor stands from the chair she looks towards the door and wipes her eyes with her sleeve.
"What's through there? A look into my past?"
She jokes weakly.
"Yes."
With that reply the Doctor turns sharply and looks at her ship with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.
"Through that door is a look into your past, you will see all the good that you've done for the universe. Remember, with good comes bad, these won't just be happy memories, these will be all your memories."
The Doctor steps towards the door and just before her hand touches the doorknob she turns back to the TARDIS, only to see that she is once again alone in the room.
"Well, no time like the present. Here we go."
Another blinding light greets her on the other side of the door. As she raises her hand to block the light from her eyes, a shape steps into her line of vision and she hears the two best words ever spoken.
"Hello sweetie."