Circle the Drain by Wage War

Losers by Post Malone ft. Jelly Roll

Kin by Tourist

2020

Montana, U.S.

Rita came to and found her mother kneeling next to her and patting her cheek.

"Rita, luv, you okay?"

Okay? Was she okay?! Rita felt anger surge in her chest as she sat up. Not only had she made herself look like a fool by fainting, which she knew was partly caused by not eating or drinking much in the last 24 hours, but she'd also discovered that her mother had been in her life after all.

And Rita hadn't even known it.

"You," she managed to say. "You!" Her heart was pounding, and she wanted to scream. All those conversations, the time together since the day Brendan had been born...she'd been with her mother.

"Can I explain?" Rosie asked.

"No, you may not!" Rita burst out, getting to her feet finally and pushing her mother's helping hand away aggressively. "You lied to me! For years!"

"Technically, no, because you never asked, but yes, I should have told you," Rosie said. "Wes wanted me to."

"Wes?! Wes?! Who the hell is he exactly?!"

"My brother. Your uncle. I didn't lie about that part."

"My..." It was too much. Too much. Rita gripped her head, and she took a step back from her mother. Wes was her uncle. Funny Wes. Kind Wes. The guy who taught her son how to pilot a plane.

"Rita," Rosie said softly. "I was afraid you'd hate me if I told you who I really was."

"And this was better?!"

"No, but with the war and you and Brendan going over to fight...I have since realized how stupid I was being and that I needed to come clean."

"I...I will never, ever, forgive you for this," Rita said now, still backing away. "Ever."

"Rita..."

She ignored the woman who called herself her mother and got into the truck, peeling out of there at full speed. She didn't even go back to the farm. She just drove. And drove. And drove some more. She needed to be as far away from her mother as she could possibly get.

...

Rosie blew air out of her lips heavily as her daughter tore off. She pressed the heel of her hand to her head and closed her eyes. It was her own damn fault, she knew that. She should have come clean all those year ago. She should have listened to Wes.

He'd be giving her The Look right now if he were there.

She went back inside, knowing it was pointless in chasing after Rita. Her daughter needed to process, and she should be alone to do that. She sat back down at the table and looked at her notes again. She had to find her brother, and she had to find him soon.

...

"Dad? I'm worried about Mum," Brendan said, and Luke looked up from the bridle he was working on for Kenny to see his son standing a few feet away from him and looking stressed.

"She not back yet?"

"No."

Luke looked at his watch. It was past eleven at night. He couldn't sleep these days, so menial work was something he did to try and make himself tired. He set the bridle down.

"When was the last time you heard from her?"

"She hasn't answered me since she left the house."

That was troublesome. Luke shifted on his feet. Surely she wouldn't do something stupid. He reached for the rag and wiped his hands off on it slowly.

"Call her," he said.

"I did...she wouldn't answer."

"Try again."

Brendan pulled out his phone and did so, and he put it on speaker. He looked surprised when Rita answered.

"Mum?" he asked. "Where are you?"

"Don't worry 'bout it, B," she said through all the loud background noises, her speech sounding familiar to Luke. It had been a very long time since he'd heard her sound like that. "I'll be home—hic!—later."

Brendan stared at his phone after she hung up, and Luke resisted chuckling. "What the hell?"

"I know where she is," Luke said. "I'll go get her."

"Okay..."

"Go to bed, Son," Luke advised. "It's alright." He walked past Brendan, grabbing his black long sleeve shirt to throw over his white tank top. He didn't bother to button it up as he wiped his palms again on his blue jeans and headed for his truck, the spare one Kenny kept going as an extra. As he drove, he rested his fingers against his lips and wondered what he was going to find when he got there.

The bar was loud and raunchy as he got out of his now parked truck and headed towards it. It was Friday night after all, and people were still celebrating that the war was over. Luke marveled that with all the rationing, there was still enough alcohol to go around. Priorities, apparently. It would seem people wanted to forget more than anything else—he could understand that. He dodged a few drunken folks stumbling into him before finding Rita at a table in the back corner. She was people watching and looking downright smashed.

"Rita," he said, stopping next to her.

"What're you doin' here?" she asked, her hand wrapped around her glass firmly.

"Taking you home," he answered.

"Iss not home. 'Mmnot goin' back there youcan'tmakeme," she rambled all at once. Luke sighed and sat down across from her now, folding his hands and resting them on the table. She avoided his gaze, choosing instead to look at the table.

"Rita," he said after a moment. "Look at me."

"No."

He reached to catch her wrist before she could take another drink from her glass, and that made her look at him finally.

"Don't," she said.

"I don't know what happened, and you don't have to tell me what happened," Luke started, "but I can't watch you let it sink you. I just can't. Please let me take you home."

"Not home." She shook her head. "Iss not my home."

"Can you just please come with me? I don't want to leave you here." He looked towards the sound of a crash and raucous laughter following it across the room. He didn't want to leave her here vulnerable to one of these assholes.

"You sscared I'm gonna shag one of 'em?" she asked, sensing it. He opened his mouth, but she beat him and spoke again first. "Don't worry, Lukey baby. I can't ssseem to do it. I tried. I couldn't do it, and then he was gone cos all the people in my life just leave me. Or maybe they don't. Maybe they come fffind me the day I push a baby out and then ssstick around and be my best f***ing friend and m-mentor for five years."

Luke was trying to process a lot of that sentence because the fact she'd almost gotten with someone else was a surprise to him since she'd said there had been no one and then hearing what he thought he was hearing was making him very angry.

"Your mother was in your life?" he asked, needing this clarified. He'd deal with the second thing later.

"Ssince the day B wass born until he wasss five," she said, nodding loosely. Luke felt the anger in his veins. How could Amelia do that? What was wrong with her?!

"Come on," he said, getting up and reaching to pull her up with him. "We're going."

"I'mm not done," she argued, but she was trashed enough that he could easily muscle her around. He left bills on the table for the drinks and guided her out of there.

Once at the truck, she got a hold of his shirt with both of her hands, bunched it tightly in her fists, and pushed him against the passenger door.

"You want me?" she asked, her face next to his.

"Not like this," he answered, putting his hands on her shoulders to stop her. It was all too familiar, but this time, he didn't let her kiss him. He pulled from her grip and opened the truck door. He'd bring Kenny back tomorrow to get her truck from the lot.

"Get in," he ordered, and she obeyed. He shut the door and got into his side, cranking the engine to life a moment later. He drove quickly, needing to have a confrontation with Amelia himself when he got home.

But first, he'd take care of his wife.

He got her home, and she was giggling and stumbling so badly that he simply picked her up and carried her inside. She was humming to herself when he set her down on her bed and pulled her shoes off.

"Don't stop," she mumbled when he took her socks off next and tucked her legs under the blankets. "Keep goin'."

"Sleep it off, Rita," he replied, pressing a hand against her forehead lightly.

"Ssso you don't want me," she said, looking at him. He took her hands in his and looked at her seriously.

"I want you more than I want my next breath of air," he advised. "But right now, you're vulnerable and smashed, and I'm not going to take advantage of that. We'll talk about it in the morning."

"Mmkay," she agreed, looking relieved and satisfied. He smoothed a hand against her cheek before leaving her, heading to Lucy's place where he was going to explode.

...

Rosie was expecting him. She knew how protective he was of Rita and how angry he was already about the whole situation. If Rita told him all of it, he'd be furious.

She wasn't wrong.

He just about threw the door off its hinges when he came bursting through it. Rosie looked at him calmly as he stood there on the verge of seething.

"Why," Luke said. It was a statement more than a question. It was the only word he said as he stood there waiting for her to talk.

"It's a long story," Rosie answered.

"Skip to the part where you were with your daughter for five years," Luke ordered.

"Sit down," she sighed, gesturing. He kept standing, crossing his arms with a defiant expression. Rosie held back her smile. He looked like he did when he was younger and being stubborn.

"O-okay," she said slowly, "stay standing then."

"Amelia," he said sharply, and she held up her hand and gave him such a glare that he slightly flinched.

"That is not my name," she said tersely. "My name is Rosie."

"Fine," Luke said. "Get to it."

"It was a stupid mistake," Rosie started. "The whole thing. I should have just told Lance about who I really was and made a plan with him to keep ourselves safe. Instead, I foolishly thought I'd never be found in this big world, and it cost me everything."

"You said you had to leave in order to save Lance and Rita?" he asked, seeming to forget he just wanted the part about Rita.

"Yes. I was given a choice: I stay and Lance and Rita were killed, or I leave and save Lance and Rita."

"Whose choice?"

"Zeke. My father," Rosie answered, and Luke was surprised by this again, having forgotten this piece from when she told him before. "I know. We're a family of killers. Me. My brothers. Carol was exempt, thankfully, but it appears her own son murdered her and joined the family business."

"Brothers?" Luke repeated.

"Yes. You know Wes, I believe."

"Wes." She could see Luke putting it together. He looked annoyed and confused.

"I asked him to keep an eye on you," Rosie advised.

"Who is the other brother?"

"Oh, you've also met him. Colter." She watched as Luke put it together, and he looked almost nervous suddenly.

"He was trying to kidnap Rita," he said almost defensively. "He killed Lance...or so we thought."

"You don't have to justify it," she commented. "He trained my nephew, Simon. Or Alex, as you knew him. I found that out too late."

"Why did your brother go after Rita?"

"My father asked him to. My father convinced him that I had murdered his son, so he wanted to get revenge on me."

"Oye," Luke said now, finally sitting. Rosie knew all this information would do that to him.

"Drink?" she offered.

"No," he muttered, shaking his head. "Go on."

"I tried to warn Lance," Rosie said softly, and Luke grew tense.

"You saw him?"

"Yes, the day before he died." She felt her throat go tight at this now. It was another big regret, not staying with him or at least close by to keep an eye out. "After it happened, I finally figured out how my father had built his army."

"Army?"

"Well, the agency. Your mother and Johnny worked for him too. Johnny and Colter were close friends."

"Lance mentioned there was something bigger out there," Luke said. "I take it that was your father."

"Yes. I finished him, though," Rosie said. "That's why no one came after you. It was over."

"So let me get this straight," Luke began, shaking a finger in her direction. "You stayed away because your father threatened you, but once he was dead, you didn't come back right away? Why not?"

"I thought Rita would hate me," Rosie replied quietly. "I was also worried my father's threat of someone taking over and coming after me might come true, and I couldn't bear that—having Rita in danger again, so I just watched her live her life until she left you, which I still don't understand why, by the way. Care to fill me in?"

"Simon threatened her," Luke said evenly. "Tricked her into thinking I'd said some awful shit about her and then said he'd kill me if she didn't go." Rosie clicked her tongue in annoyance.

"What a little shit," she stated. "I'm still trying to find him and deal with him."

"He's dead," Luke answered, surprising her now.

"He is?"

"I killed him in New York eight years ago. He's buried with the rest of the bodies we dumped from our jobs."

"Well, good riddance," Rosie said, trying for some humor. Luke's face remained a bit stony, though.

"So you stayed away but not really," he confirmed.

"I couldn't, not after finding out she was having a baby by herself. I...I pretended to be a volunteer at the hospital. I said Wes was my brother, which is true. He thought I was mental, and he was right. I was just too scared of her hating me still."

"You had to know that it would hurt her to find out."

"I know, and I'll accept whatever emotion she sends my way. I deserve it," Rosie finished with a sigh.

"You don't get it," Luke said. "Her and I, we endured a lot in this war...her more than me, and she's on the edge of darkness that I fear she won't come back from this time."

"This time? You mean, there were other times?"

"Yes." He held her gaze, and Rosie felt a bit afraid now. What was he saying exactly?

"Tell me."

"When she was 18 and we lost Keira and your horse as well as another incident I'm not at liberty to share with you, she got really depressed. It lasted a while before she finally got out of it. The next time was after Lance died, but she wasn't so deep into that one. Hell, we were in that one together. And now...now she's lost a good friend, recovered from thinking our son was dead, and has found out her mother was alive and been her bestie for years. She is not in a good place, Rosie, and I need you to stay the hell away from her until she's ready to deal with you."

Rosie held up her hands. "I'm here when she's ready. I get it. And for the record, because I disappeared again when Brendan was five, I've been out of her life longer than I was in it. We didn't have years together, and I wasn't in her life daily even when I was around."

"You're still a shit," Luke commented, and she gave a grim smile in return. He wasn't wrong.

"I had to leave," she reasoned. "It was to keep her safe."

"How convenient."

She let it go, knowing arguing with him wasn't going to get her anywhere. She knew Rita would see the similarities between her story and Rosie's eventually, that she'd done the same for Luke by leaving. She watched Luke get to his feet again, and he looked weary all of a sudden. It was as if all the anger just drained from him. He stopped by the door and looked back at her.

"She might never be ready," he advised, and Rosie felt the shivers despite knowing this was a possibility. She nodded mutely as he took in some breaths, apparently not finished. "And Rosie?"

"Yea?"

"I might never forgive you for knowing where my wife was all this time and not telling me," he said. She held his gaze.

"I wasn't sure why she'd run from you," Rosie said finally. "I wasn't about to put her in danger if you turned out to be bad."

"You knew me," Luke said accusingly. "You knew I wasn't a bad person. You could have asked me. You could have helped me find her and clear things up and given us our life together back."

"I'm sorry, Luke," Rosie said. "I am. I just didn't know what to do, and you're right, I should have gotten my answers from you and not suspected you were part of the problem."

"We'll never get it back, Rosie," he said. "All that time...it's gone. You can live with that." Then he walked out without another word. She looked down at her hands, feeling her eyes burning now.

Oh how she wished she hadn't been so damn stupid.

The Next Day

Brendan could hear his mother crying, and he had no idea what to do about it. Mei was already gone for the day, doing whatever it was she was doing. His father was probably working with Kenny. This left Brendan there alone, and he stood at the bottom of the stairs and wondered what the hell to even do.

It wasn't like he hadn't heard his mother cry before. He had—lots of times. It's just this time it felt so much more...anguished.

"Mum?" he said after going to stand outside her door. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," her reply came back. It sounded sniffly and sad.

"You want a tea?"

"No, thank you."

"I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thanks, B. Please...I just want to be alone right now."

"Okay." He rested a hand on the door briefly before leaving. He went about his morning, doing chores and dreading school. He hated the idea of being the oldest in his grade. He wondered what the other kids would be like now that the war was over. Would everyone be walking around holding their breath and waiting for the Mimics to come back like he was?

That thought terrified him.

"Alright?" his father said as he walked up from the path from Kenny's towards Brendan.

"I guess. Mum's in bed crying. I don't know what to do."

"I'll take care of it."

"What's going on anyway?" Brendan asked.

"I'll explain later. Can you assist Kenny in my absence?" his father said, resting a hand on his shoulder fondly before going past him and not waiting for an answer. Brendan sighed and went to find Kenny, hoping his mother would feel better sooner than later.

...

Rita was curled in a tight ball under the covers, tears sliding down her cheeks still. Her eyes were burning and her chest was tight and she felt like she was going to throw up, but she was still crying. She was also very hungover.

Everything felt like such a mess. She'd barely had time to sit with the fact that her father had saved Travis's life as a child only for her to let him get killed in the War when now she had to think about her mother being in her life without her knowing it. It all felt so...suffocating.

She heard footsteps outside her door, and she knew they weren't Brendan's. She said nothing as her door clicked open and Luke came inside. She heard him release a worried sigh and come over to the bed slowly. She felt him sit on the edge and then rest a hand on her shoulder.

"Rita," he said softly.

"Go away," she practically whimpered.

"No," he replied. "You're not pushing me away this time. Talk to me. Please." She evened her breathing, wishing he didn't care so much and hating that she wished that. He waited her out, and she finally rolled onto her back and looked up at him.

"I don't have anything to say," she advised. He scoffed.

"Bullshit," he retorted. "We both know you do. Hell, I do, so if you're not gonna say anything, then I am."

"Go ahead."

"I really hate what she did to you," he started. "I don't understand it. None of it makes sense."

"I think I would have been scared too," Rita said when he paused. This surprised him.

"What do you mean?"

"If I had done what she did to protect my family, I would have been scared about being hated too."

"What are you saying?"

"I get it," Rita said with a laugh. "I mean, I practically did the same thing, except I took our baby with me, and you didn't think I was dead."

"It's not the same thing..."

"Part of it is," she reasoned. "Maybe her and I are more alike than I thought."

"It's not the same," Luke said a bit aggressively, and Rita sat up slowly.

"It's pretty damn close," she countered. She picked at the comforter with her fingers now, looking down at it. "I'm sorry for doing that to you, Luke. I really am."

"I know, and I forgave you..."

"So then why can't I forgive my mother?" she interrupted, looking at him again. "If what I did was forgivable, then why isn't what she did?"

"I don't know," he said honestly. She pressed her hands into her face and pulled her knees up tighter against her chest.

"How smashed was I last night?" she finally asked.

"Fairly."

"Did I try anything?"

"Sort of," he answered, and she dropped her hands to look at him with a startled expression.

"Like what?"

"Nothing major...just got a little pushy and in my face."

"I see."

"You need anything?" he asked now, changing the subject.

"No."

"You gotta eat."

"I will eventually."

"Rita..."

"I'm fine!" she said sharply, making him stop. He looked at her, studying her. She stared back. He inhaled and exhaled slowly before nodding and standing up.

"I'm here if you need me," he said simply before walking away. She let him go, hating herself for not admitting she did need him. She leaned her head against the headboard and closed her eyes.

...

Luke knew full well that Rita needed him but was keeping it to herself. He made tea anyway and prepared her something to eat that wouldn't be hard on her hungover stomach because he knew she needed it even if she didn't think so. He also put water and pain killers next to the plate, knowing she'd need them too. He was leaning against the cupboard with a mug in his hand when she finally came downstairs, freshly showered. She saw him there, saw what he'd done, and for a moment, it appeared she might yell or break down, but she did neither and simply sat at the table, swallowing the pain killers.

"Thank you," she said quietly after.

"You're welcome." He drank his tea, watching her nudge the food around on her plate until finally sticking a forkful in her mouth. He turned to give her privacy and finished his tea before starting to clean up. Kenny knew he was over here and advised there was no rush to get back to help. Luke was trying not to think about how Lucy had stood in the middle of the room this morning and asked if Keira was heading off to school.

He banged a plate a little too hard in the sink at that thought, splashing himself a little with soapy water, and then he turned his head to see Rita at his elbow with her dishes, and she was looking at him rather intently.

"What?" he asked. She said nothing, just put the dishes down on the counter and ducked under his arm into the space between him and the counter and hugged him. Luke stood there frozen, his hands in the sink on either side of her as she pressed her cheek into the spot between his shoulder and his neck and tightened her arms around him. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He simply stood there as she hugged him, wanting to hug her back but not wanting to soak her with his wet hands, and he felt like if he moved at all, it would snap her out of it and make her move away.

After a moment, she pulled back and moved one of her hands to hold his face, her eyes searching his. He controlled his breathing as best as he could, waiting to see what she would do next and not daring to do what he wanted to do.

"I don't deserve you," she whispered.

"Yes, you do," he murmured back. She shook her head and tried to leave, but she was stuck there between his arms, and he wasn't making it easy for her to go.

"Luke," she said, her voice pained. "Don't."

"Do you love me, Rita?" he asked, needing to know. She was growing a bit agitated, her breath coming in spurts now.

"I can't...I can't breathe," she said. She pushed at his arm, and he moved it to let her go. She walked away quickly, a hand to her chest. He watched her go stand by the front door to look out into the yard, her fingers sliding up and down the chain around her neck as she calmed herself. Eventually, she turned her head to look at him, and he didn't know what to say.

"I'll go get my truck," she said finally.

"I can take you..."

"No, I'll bike," she cut him off. "Thanks anyway." She pushed the screen door open and went out. Luke sighed, turning back to the dishes and wondering where things were going to land with them.

...

Brendan went out for a bike just to get some space, to try and run from his horror filled memories of war, and he found Mei at the library working, which surprised him how quickly she'd found a job already. She looked happy here, which was nice. Seeing her made his PTSD slink away to the shadows, giving him a reprieve.

"Hey," he said, going over to her.

"Hey," she said back. She was cataloguing something, her brow a bit furrowed. Brendan studied her, a smile on his face. She was beautiful.

"Any good suggestions?" he asked, and she finally looked at him.

"For what?"

"Something good to read."

"I didn't think you read," she said with a laugh. He made a disgruntled face.

"That's hurtful," he commented. "Men do read, you know."

"I know. I just didn't see you as a reader. I saw you more as a gamer," she said, tilting her head.

"I do enjoy some Halo," Brendan agreed, nodding, "but I got my love of reading from Mum."

"Ah, well...what do you like to read?"

"Something interesting."

"All books are interesting," she pointed out.

"Not all." He wrinkled his nose.

"Someone took the time to write it. The least you could do is read it."

Brendan felt like things weren't going so great like he'd hoped, so he switched tactics.

"You're right. I never thought of it like that," he replied, smiling. She shifted her jaw and slightly rolled her eyes as she went to the opposite shelf. She picked out a book and handed it to him.

"Unbroken," he read. It was a World War II book, a true story. He turned it over to read the back. It looked interesting.

"Have fun," Mei said, moving down the aisle now. Brendan looked at her, the book in his hand. He wondered if he had a chance in hell with her or if he was wasting his time.

He decided he was going to find out one day.

...

Rita hopped off her bike once she approached her truck, lifting it up and putting it into the box. She'd taken her time, biking around the town and wasting the day because she didn't want to be at the farm right now. She looked at the bar, which was now quiet. She thought about Jody and Chuck back in Illinois and wondered if they were okay and where they were now. She got into the truck, deciding she couldn't think about the past anymore. She drove home, wondering what to even do when she got there. She knew she had to find a job. She didn't know if she wanted to teach anymore. She felt so lost and empty and confused. She didn't know what to think or do anymore.

She found Lucy wandering the yard when she got home, and she felt a bit of worry hit her chest.

"Lucy?" she said, getting out and heading towards her.

"Hi!" Lucy said brightly, smiling at her. "I just felt like a walk and wondered if you were around. I was checking out the gardens too. Almost time for harvest."

Rita let out a sigh of relief. Lucy was pretty lucid right now, which was good. Rita hadn't seen her since Luke had told her last night she had Alzheimer's.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"Ah, so you know," Lucy said. "Yes, I'm okay. I have my moments, but they're few and far between for now."

"Oh...that's good."

"Yes. I tire easily, though, which is unfortunate. In fact, I'm going to head home for a nap now, I think."

"Okay."

"I hope Keira had a good day at school," Lucy added. "I suppose she'll be over to hang out with all of you for a bit as usual."

The words made it feel like all the air got sucked out of Rita's lungs. She blinked back tears. She didn't know what to do here. Telling Lucy that Keira was dead just seemed so cruel. It broke her heart to think that Lucy assumed Keira was just at school, even though school wasn't in session right now. In the end, she said nothing, and Lucy smiled and waved and went home. Rita pressed a hand to her mouth, trying not to cry. Oh, how she longed for the days where Keira came to play and hang out with them. Things felt so simple then.

She saw Brendan bike up the driveway, and she gave herself a shake and headed for the house. She looked over in the direction to where her mother was, and she steeled herself against going back and yelling at her. There was no point.

"Hey, B," she said when her son came inside. He smiled at her. She noticed a book was tucked under his arm.

"Hey."

"Good day?"

"Meh."

"What do you want for supper?" she asked. Cooking suddenly seemed very daunting, but she'd do it.

"Anything. I'm not fussy."

"Okay."

He went to his room, and she went into the kitchen. She rested her hands on the counter, trying to will herself to get started. A part of her wished Luke was there despite everything. She cleared her throat and made her feet move to the fridge.

She had to keep going. She had to.

...

The stars were out. Luke was sitting cross legged on top of the rock wall after climbing it free style. He'd sat there until it grew dark, and now he was listening to the night sounds and seeing the odd shooting star. He couldn't help but wonder if there were any more aliens out there going to invade someday. He hoped not.

He got thinking about his father. He'd never gone back to that house in Australia, and he wondered if he should. Perhaps it was time to get closure on that painful day finally. He felt his throat tighten and he swallowed down the emotion. The image of his father being shot and killed was still right there, though. It never left him.

What happens on the rock, stays on the rock.

Oh, God. That was another thing making him emotional lately. Evidence of Keira was everywhere on this farm still, and he felt that grief all over again and hatred for the men who'd done what they did to her. He still couldn't understand why they'd chosen her or how they'd even existed at all since they were so evil. He closed his eyes, seeing her sitting beside him with that smile and telling him she'd always wanted a brother.

He exhaled slowly, trying to keep it together. He pictured her in that field he saw her in after he'd killed the Omega...when he thought he was dead. She'd been happy, carefree. He truly hoped that was the case, that what he'd seen had been real.

Lance said he's proud of you...he said you did good.

Her words brought comfort. He'd felt guilt for a long time thinking he'd let Lance down in so many ways, but having that statement to play in his head was helpful.

A flashlight in his face made him come crashing out of his thoughts, and he threw up his arm to shield his eyes while his other hand created a fist out of reflex.

"Stand down," Mei said, and she lowered the light so he could see her a bit. She'd walked up the trail apparently.

"What're you doing?" he asked.

"Just out for a meander," she answered with a shrug, sitting down next to him. "What're you doing?"

"Just thinking."

"What's been going on?" Mei inquired. "The house is very unrestful."

"Rita found out her mother was in her life for a long time without her knowing it."

"Yeesh," Mei said, wincing. "That's rough."

"Yea." He watched as Mei tilted her head back in the darkness after shutting her light off and looked at the sky.

"Everything feels like a mess," she said quietly. "And I don't know how we're gonna get out of it."

"One day at a time," he replied. She scoffed lightly but didn't argue. Luke wondered if she was going to soon go her own way and leave him behind. He wouldn't fault her for it, but he would miss her.

"I applied to do paramedicine," she said now. "I start in the fall. I'll be staying here, if that's okay."

"Of course."

"Thanks."

"You'd be a good paramedic."

"Hm," Mei said, a smile in her voice. "Maybe you're right."

"I know it."

"So long as I'm not running around saving the lives you tried to snuff out."

"Nah. That life's over for me," Luke promised. "And I hate to break it to you, but they'd be unsaveable."

"A new word. I like it," Mei said with a small laugh. Luke smiled in the dark. After a moment she sighed. "I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late."

"Sure thing, Ma," Luke replied jokingly, and she scoffed. Her footsteps receded and disappeared, and he fell down onto his back and put his hands behind his head. He pretended for a moment that everything was okay and the future was clear.

And for a moment, he felt calm and like he could handle anything and everything that was going to come his way.

He went back to Kenny's, and he found a box with his name on it on the floor in the kitchen. Kenny and Lucy were already in bed, so he bent down to open it. He recognized the books, having seen them before. He picked one up, reading the note on it.

I know it doesn't make up for it, but this way you can read about his life, Rita's handwriting said. And I'm right—I don't deserve you.

He sighed, wishing she would stop thinking like that. He carried the box to his room and set it on the floor. He switched on the lamp by the bed and sank down onto the mattress before opening the first book to read, the sight of her handwriting being a comfort to him already.

Oh, Luke. You should see the little person we made...