Disclaimer: Anything that rings a bell belongs to J.K Rowling

Trigger warning: Mention of suicide

Chapter Seven: The Death Embargo

Harry's POV

26th August, 2005

We were back in the living room of the burrow. Ky was at the fireplace, her back to us, which I figured was done on purpose.

None of us spoke for minutes, and I was struggling not to rush to her, pull her into my own arms, comfort her pain like Nott did all those years ago, but also scream at her that she dared think that her dying would be a good thing for me? My fists trembled and I took deep breaths, opting for silence until I could speak levelly.

"So, coming to save us was a suicide mission?" I closed my eyes at the word, but Hermione had always been direct.

Ky turned, her face blank, but it looked more out of exhaustion than discomfort, "No. I didn't give it much thought. I went to you because you were in danger, it is as honest, and simple, as that." She shrugged, "I didn't expect things to move so quickly. But Teddy," She shook her head, "He has always been quick on his feet."

"I don't understand. Why didn't you…why didn't you say anything." If she had been feeling like she couldn't do it anymore, I'd have done anything, anything at all to help her. I had made it clear as day that the most important thing to me was her, that she wasn't alone.

She walked towards me, still not making eye contact, "I didn't want to make things harder for you."

"Yeah, finding out you died saving me was real easy." I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice and it was my turn to avoid her eyes.

"How did he do it?" Hermione cut in, sensing that we were going to a too emotional place.

I didn't actually care about how Nott managed to fake her death, and I cut across Hermione, "Why would you think it would be better if you're not around? Did I…did I ever make you feel that you were a distraction, that you were not important, that you were an inconvenience?" Ky was for the most part, the only thing that had kept me going back then, even after she 'died'. We barely saw each other, meeting sporadically wherever I was hiding, and of course, we fought but it always was about how reckless she was being, how I worried about her, how I needed her safe because I loved her.

"No." Her eyes met mine, our emeraldstorm ablaze, "No, Harry, it was nothing you said, or that you did. I didn't tell Teddy when he asked me back then why I was so sure that it was me messing things up because my clairvoyance was still a secret."

"But you stopped having visions, it was too dangerous, too harsh on your body, you had the potion." Hermione cut in.

"You didn't stop." The words crawled off my lips softly, as another piece of the puzzle fell into place, "You said - "

"I said I was taking a potion, I didn't say what it was for."

Suddenly the fire roared and Hermione and Ron yelled but Ky didn't flinch, I took quick breaths, trying to calm down, and the flames flickered more gently once again. My magic never raged like this.

So many lies, lie after lie after lie. I grabbed at the tie around my neck, flinging it off, turning on my heel and going to the window.

"I don't need him happy, I need him alive."

"Look, it's easy to judge the decisions we were making back then now with hindsight." Ron glanced at me, yet again, defending her, "What potion were you taking, Ky?"

"Something to bring on visions." I let out a growl, sticking my head out of the window, my body hot with anger. So not only was she not taking a potion to help her health, she was indulging in something that clearly would have negative effects on it.

"What did you see?" Hermione muttered, soft but audible as we fell into silence.

"Different things, all the time. I think there were so many moving pieces, outcomes based on so many short term decisions that would have long term effects. But, no matter, I could only see us losing. Sometimes you'd die. Sometime's Ron would die. Sometime's your dad. Silvestre. Minnie. But never me. And never Harry."

"So you figured it was you, just from that?" I spat out.

She shrugged, "I was right. A few weeks after you buried me, I had a vision, and we won. You all were safe."

"And you couldn't tell me this, explain this to me?"

"No, Harry." She sounded frustrated that I wasn't understanding her and I glared at her, "It was important that you walked into that forest with the right frame of mind. You had to believe you were going to die, because if you didn't, you might not have lived. I could never tell you I had a vision that you might succeed. Intent was paramount, it was key. That's why I needed to remove myself from the equation, I was messing up your intent."

"Because if you were alive I wouldn't have sacrificed myself!" I laughed darkly, "Ky, if you were at Hogwarts that day, you would be the first person I'd have laid my life down for!"

"EXACTLY!" She snapped, nostrils flaring and hands gesturing, "Exactly. Me. ME."

I fell silent, registering what she meant.

Part of the reason everything went as relatively well as it did that day was because in my sacrifice I had given the people on our side a protective charm where Voldemort's curses were not working on them. If I had died, thinking primarily of Ky, and wanting to protect her, just like my mother died, thinking of me, then the protection would have fallen on just her.

Voldemort could have killed a lot more people that day, and we still may have won, but at a far greater cost.

"That explains why you had to go into hiding for the last month of the war, but that doesn't explain why you stayed hidden." Hermione asked the question, and I never appreciated her ability to keep a clear mind more.

Ky had sat back down on the armchair, and was tracing circles on her knee, glancing at the fire, "I have no good reason for that."

Ron had walked over to Ky, and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Then tell us the bad reason."

She glanced up at him, her face stubborn, and her eyes wide, "Rose Williams life was much nicer than mine. She didn't have dead brothers, and a dead Nessie and dead…everyone."

"We weren't dead." Hermione muttered, and I snuck my hand into hers.

"As I said, it wasn't a good reason." I stood, not baring to look at her. This Ky that was so weak and selfish.

"So how did he do it?"

"The dagger was goblin made. Teddy imbibed it with draught of the living death. Teddy had a contingency plan set up since the last time I saw him, he thought I was behaving recklessly and he knew it would be useful to find a way to safely incapacitate me, but also not show that he was really on our side. He had the draught infused dagger on his person at all times, even in that memory I just showed you, he was just about to show it to me before we were called away. However, after speaking to me, he realised it was important that you see me die." Our eyes met, "That you know for sure that I am gone, that you don't go looking for me. That you have to concentrate on the task at hand and only the task at hand. It would be hard to find another moment as good as the one he got at Malfoy Manor that night."

I readjusted my glasses, still angry, but somehow more confused. I spent so long detesting Theodore Nott, I didn't want to learn how he had helped me, albeit inadvertently.

"Yes but that dagger went through your heart, there's no way you could have survived that."

"Well you lot didn't help things by removing the dagger. It would have been better if it remained in, but it worked out fine in the end." Ky sounded as if she had been recounting last night's quidditch match, not the matter of her almost death, "After he flung the dagger at me, Teddy had to flee. I didn't know this at the time, but they had received strict instructions on taking me in only alive."

"Voldemort wanted your power? Dumbledore always suspected he would."

She glanced at her lap at Ron's statement, "Yes. Though, it was more than that. He had been convinced that my death would get outside forces involved. MACUSA and Ministère des Affaires Magiques de la France were already threatening intervention, but he had people keeping them at bay. My family, by citizenship, are American. The International Confederation of Wizards had denied MACUSA intervention in British matters following my grandfather's statement that Voldemort was back, before he was fired as leader of the Confederation. But after the…the Astronomy Tower battle, MACUSA had enough of a reason to get involved. American lives lost on British soil. However the confederation once again denied their request to help us, they were worried about precedent. Politics." She shook her head. I had learnt a bit about this after Voldemort was defeated, but I was surprised that Ky knew all of this back then. I suppose Nott told her. "Voldemort had been convinced that if I was killed, that might be enough for MACUSA to throw caution to the wind. So he made a lot of his followers unhappy by putting an embargo on my death. Though, that night Alya had flung killing curses at me, so clearly his rules aren't always followed."

"So Theodore had saved your life that night?" Hermione's face was white and I glanced at Ron, who looked wary.

"In more ways than one, yes. He knew that Alya's hatred for me outweighed her fear of Voldemort. He believed I was being reckless and needed a way to incapacitate me. I had conveyed the importance of Harry thinking I was dead. All things considered, for such a short space of time, it was amazing the plan worked as well as it did. He had defied Voldemort's orders so he had to flee, but he also knew where Vez was - so went straight to him and told him exactly what happened. Because of our connection, Vez was able to find me at Shell Cottage."

"Where is he?" Ky looked up, confused at my question, "Silvestre? Where is he?"

Silvestre Sabre had not been seen since the night Ky 'died'. I thought he must have been riddled with guilt, fled at his failure to keep her alive, and I was happy to not see his face again, even if he was an extremely powerful ally. I had blamed him for not doing his job and guarding her like he was meant to. But, knowing all this now, I suppose he had been with her, this whole time.

"He's dead." Her voice was level but I could tell it cost her effort to be so, "Anyway, Vez got through the wards at shell cottage, having helped erect them. He found Harry at the grave. He put him to sleep. He then got my body out of the grave, put in a replacement from a muggle morgue, figured it would have decomposed by the time anybody dug it up and just assumed that the preservation charms were not done properly. He disapparated me away, meeting with Teddy who had the antidote to the draught. They had to time everything very carefully, because once I was awoken, then my wound would be too, and Vez had to act exceedingly fast. I don't think I'd have survived if it were anybody else healing me."

"How did he die?" Hermione whispered as I let Ky's words sink in. She really had been that close to death's door, my hands twitched, wanting to hold her.

Ky looked at Hermione, her eyes watery but the rest of her face was stoic, "It was just his time. It's what he wanted."

That did make sense. Silvestre and Ky had met under very unusual circumstances. His elf blood had made him bond with her, and as his mistress, he had begged her to let him die so he could join his wife on the 'other side'. Ky of course refused, convincing him he was more use alive than dead. Perhaps, with Voldemort dead, he finally was able to move on.

Ron pulled Hermione into a comforting embrace. I suppose she had been fond of Silvestre, having spent time with him through Ky. I had neither liked or disliked the man, but I imagine if my body and mind were not so wracked with emotions, I'd have time to spare to be saddened by his death.

"I don't get it though, why would Nott do this? He has been on the run from the ministry for seven years. I make it impossible for him to have a digital or magical imprint. To settle down anywhere. To have a life."

She ducked her head down, "Well initially he was on the run, for defying Voldemort's orders. His father was especially vengeful. He had felt lied to, and well, he was. Teddy had done an excellent job convincing him that he learnt his lesson, that he was scared straight and he was done playing with muggleborns and blood traitors. The day he saved Hermione on the Astronomy Tower, he had actually hit her with a stunning charm. So he kept his cover, and kept it well. He knew he would do more good for us on their side, than on ours, so when they had taken him to Malfoy Manor after the death eaters infiltrated Hogwarts, he worked hard convincing them he was on their side. Having spent a good few months just with Vez, he became a prodigious occlumens under his training, so made a good double agent. I would never have saved the Twins and Selina without him."

"Ginny said Nott was the best at the torture curse. That he always volunteered to do it, when the Carrows asked." Ron spat.

Ky swallowed, uncomfortable, "Well of course he volunteered. They had novices practicing unforgivables on each other, it's a wonder nobody died during the school year. And that is largely thanks to Teddy. He found Bastian Blishwick's notes on the curse at Malfoy Manor and trained himself up, knowing what was to be expected at school. It would have been much easier for him to just let others torture our friends, but, it was much kinder for it to have been him. Well, kind to everyone but himself." She added thoughtfully.

"So what, you reward him for all this apparent good by making him live on the run so you can play Rose Williams in Brooklyn?"

"Harry!" Ron snapped but Ky glared at me.

"I didn't ask Teddy to do what he did. I had planned on doing what needed to be done so that you could go on to do what needed to be done. You're not the only one that gets to stand up and sacrifice themselves for the people they love, Harry!"

Ky breathed heavily and Ron patted her back, "It's okay." Hermione and I were staring at him as if he grew antlers, who was this person? "It's really late. It has been a long day, why don't we put a pin in it here. Look, Ky, I know you're really tired, but mum, dad, George, really want to talk to you, do you mind?"

Ky looked like the last thing she wanted to do was talk to people right now, but she understood what was really being asked of her. Ron wanted to talk to us, alone.

She left the room, and we sat in silence for a few moments.

"Muffliato."

"Ron-"

"How could you -"

"Will you two shut the hell up!" I glared at him, and Hermione looked close to hexing him. "Sorry." He spoke mostly to Hermione, "But you're both so hurt and angry that you're not seeing Ky, you're only seeing that she lied, and yes, yes, that was awful. But you don't have siblings. Yes - Harry, I know you have experienced loss, and grief and trauma, but, did you truly experience it overnight? Losing all her family? Did we honestly think that a month running off doing whatever it was she was doing after they died was going to fix that level of trauma? Look, Ky clearly was in a horrible place, and she clearly planned on not getting out of Malfoy Manor that night. And didn't seem too happy that Nott found a work around, she keeps saying she didn't ask him to step in! Don't you see…it wasn't just some noble before you both start making this about you, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Love us."

"I was there for her! I tried to talk to her, but she refused. And it's not like I had the time to…to take her to a therapist, or, or, or…" I ran to the window, the tears falling from my eyes hot and fast, finally able to fall apart now that she wasn't in the room. This was all my fault. Ky had lost all her family in one night and instead of expending all my energy, all my time, all my resources on making sure she was okay, I spent it hunting horcruxes and hallows.

I felt hands at my back, small and big ones, I turned and it was Ron who had me in his arms first. "Mate, I'm not blaming you. Not at all, I was there. I know how hard you tried to be there for her. That you were there for her. Harry, you had the most evil dark lord on your back and the fate of the wizarding world on your shoulders. I don't even know how you were there for Ky as much as you were."

"And you were there for her Harry." Hermione hugged me from the other side. Her voice shook, and she seemed unable to elaborate, and I snuck an arm about her as well. "So what, we just forget?" She wiped her face and looked at her fiancé, "Forget that she lied, forget that she abandoned us, let us grieve her, let us mourn, let us be broken, and alone?"

Ron shrugged, "Mione, I'm not saying what she did was right. I'm saying, that this reaction right here might be why she has been putting things off for as long as she has. And this can't be easy for her, like it's not easy for any of us. But what I do know, is if by some miracle, Fred walked through that door, I wouldn't care why he lied, I wouldn't care why he felt he needed to do what he needed to do, I would only care that he is here. That he came back." His blue eyes turned to me, "She came back, mate, for you. She showed up when you needed her the most, like she always does."

I couldn't take Ron's stare for longer, wiping my face, moving out of the hug. I couldn't think about how she saved my life tonight. Guilt and anger raged inside me, "If she truly did that, she'd have been here years ago."

I walked out the door, and made for the stairs, not wanting my best friend's optimism to get in the way of my rightful anger.

I had ached for Ky for years, in many ways I had stopped living when I thought she did. Ron may believe Ky showed up just in the nick of time, but where was she when I was clawing the grounds of the forbidden forest searching for the resurrection stone in fits of hysterical grief. Where was she when I hadn't slept a wink for five days after I killed Voldemort because I was searching for Nott. Where was she when I almost got fired from being an auror because I defied my orders to stop pursuing him.

It had taken four years to feel something like a human again, and Ginny was a complete saint for putting up with me at the start of our relationship, and I reward her by consistently being an awful partner.

Ginny.

In all this she had been pushed to the back of my mind. And as if my thoughts conjured her on the spot, I glanced up from my place on the stairs, catching her outside the Twins old room.

This long night was far from over.

A/N: I know it's pretty down in the dumps stuff right now, but I thought it best not to shy away from the grief of it all. I hope I'm doing it justice.

Feedback is always appreciated, thank you for reading!

Kalina