Disclaimer: Anything that rings a bell belongs to J.K Rowling

Maker - a person responsible for managing a properties magical wards

Chapter Nine: To Forgive, or not to Forgive: Part I

26th August 2005

Harry's POV

I stepped out of my fireplace, taking a quick look around my apartment, it wasn't exactly guest ready. Before I could do anything about it, the room flashed green and my partner, Alex Silver, and Ky entered behind me.

I flicked my wand, turning on the lights, and glanced at my sneakoscope in the corner, but it hovered silently in place.

"Well, I guess your apartment has the all clear." I caught Alex's blue gaze on my glance back from the Sneakoscope, also checking the instrument for the presence of any dark activity. It was a gift from Kingsley, and extremely reliable. "That being said, I'd be pretty damn impressed if they managed to break in here."

I shrugged, walking across the living room and peering out the window to the quiet Diagon Alley street below, "Nothing's infallible. Bill's wards were pretty secure as well." I glanced at Ky, who had been looking around my home with wary eyes, "Not that I'm worried. This building hasn't had a break-in in two hundred years." It's why the property cost a fortune, the wards were maintained by the same Makers that managed Azkaban itself.

Alex glanced at Ky, noticing her wariness as well, "Oh yes, you couldn't be safer anywhere else, except maybe Gringotts, but I doubt you want to sleep in a vault for the night."

She turned to him, her arms folded, "Better than a prison cell."

"You think this is a prison?" I snapped, annoyed that she looked so uncomfortable in my home.

Alex cut in, "Look, Ky. I know this is all very inconvenient for you, but until we have a better idea of what's happening, we need to play it safe. As I said earlier, you're more than welcome to stay with me and Parvati, but Harry really has the safest wards of the lot of us."

After my…conversation…with Ginny, Alex found me and notified me that we needed to let the aurors that will be on first guard know where to go. After much debate, we settled on my place.

Ky's arms fell, and she bit her bottom lip, "No, I understand. I'm just being…petulant."

"Well that's the first true thing you said all night." I muttered, walking back into the living room. Alex gave me a cautious look and I sighed, "I'm sorry. Bad joke."

He glanced between us, re-thinking his agreement in letting Ky spend the night at my place. Obviously, it was a recipe for disaster, but I had the safest house, and well, I wasn't going to take my eyes off her until we knew the threat against her was neutralised, so it wasn't a negotiable.

"Look, it's late." I turned to Alex, who I now considered one of my closest friends. I knew he was putting his rational instincts aside by supporting my rather emotional decision-making this night, but I could tell his logical side was slowly gaining momentum as he hesitated to leave, "McDougal and Abbott will be setting up for first shift any minute now. You should get some rest, Parvati will be worried."

He glanced at his pocket watch, and then at Ky, with a warm smile, "Yes, but she'll also be ecstatic at the news. Ah, maybe this will be a good time to tell her that I'll have to miss our anniversary because of work commitments, soften the blow with some bloody good news. Thanks for coming back from the dead, Ky."

She shook her head, a small tired smile on her lips, "Pleasure, Silver."

"Harry." Alex nodded in goodbye, making a quick exit being very familiar with my place.

We both stared at the closed door, an unfamiliar silence settling onto us. We were both exhausted, but neither of us moved. I watched as she looked around my apartment, it wasn't very big, nothing as grand as Malfoy Manor which she must have grown accustomed to.

It was a one bedroom penthouse apartment above Flourish and Blotts. I bought it mostly for the location and the security, but it was nice enough. Ky walked across the living room, her high heeled boots clacking on the hardwood floors, and stared at the wall across from the fireplace. She looked at the moving pictures - Ron, Hermione, Ginny, The Weasleys, my parents, The Original Order of the Phoenix photo that Mad Eye had given me, photos of the Marauders that Andromeda found in Remus' things.

She touched the photo of my dad, Sirius and Remus, it was one of those lucky few that had Peter missing.

"I…of course, I had pictures of you." I cleared my throat, unsure why I felt so guilty, I mean she faked her death, I shouldn't feel bad for not having her face adorn my walls. "But, um, Ginny."

She turned, "You mean girls don't like pictures of their boyfriend's exes on their walls?"

I shook my head, my lips quirking up against my will at the smirk on her face, "Almost as much as they like them coming back from the dead."

Her smirk fell, and she bit her bottom lip and my stomach flipped. I can't remember the last time Ky did that and it didn't end with us kissing. "I can't help but notice she's not here."

I walked to the sink, my living area being open plan, and poured some water for us both, "No, we don't live together. She's away a lot for work, as am I, and it makes more sense for her to set up shop in Anglesey, near the Harpies training site." I gulped down some water, sending her glass to her magically.

"Well surely with magic it doesn't really matter where you live, you can make it work."

I frowned, not wanting to have this conversation, least of all with her. I didn't really want to think about Ginny right now. I ran my hand through my hair, glancing out the window.

"I'm sorry, it's none of my business." She heaved a sigh, sipping her water, "I just, feel bad that I'm putting her out."

Her grey eyes fell to the floor, and I leaned on the counter, taking in her sullen expression, "Ginny and I broke up."

I'm not sure why I told her this. Perhaps, I didn't want her to feel responsible for Ginny not being here right now, that was entirely my own doing. A small voice whispered from the back of my head that I knew precisely why I had done this, but I quietened it down by concentrating on her expression, which hadn't changed.

Ky was working very hard not to give anything away, and I narrowed my eyes, knowing this couldn't be actual indifference to my statement, could it?

She remained silent, expression unaltered and I laughed silently to myself. What was I expecting to happen? What changes if I'm single? She hadn't stayed away because I was with Ginny, I had been single for years after she left. Godric, I'm pathetic. I walked to the window, flicking my wand to let the cool night air in. I needed fresh air, and I wanted the kind fifty feet up.

"You know, you could have a fly if you want. I promise, I'll stay put." I was glad my back was to her, so she couldn't see the look on my face at her words. How, after seven years, could she still read me like a book. "Or, I could come with."

I turned at that, taking in her expression, which was neutral, but apprehensive, she still had her arms crossed. I detested that she was anxious around me, we've never been nervous around each other, from the first time we met we were comfortable…

Was that really eleven years ago?

And I only had her for four of those years. My body ached, as if physically hurting from the thoughts that were festering in my mind now.

She bit her bottom lip again and I quickly pivoted and stormed into my bedroom, the entrance being across from the kitchen. I walked to the painting in the corner, Hogwarts at night, and I prodded the Canis Major constellation. The wall slid open and I ignored most of the stuff in the large secret closet, and quickly grabbed her broom, which I kept in a case at the back.

Ginny had made it clear that she didn't want Ky's things around, but I couldn't get rid of everything…so I got this closet installed until I figured out what to do with her stuff.

I grabbed my broom on the way out of my room, and I held Kyrianna's Thunder out for her, and she took it, her eyes widening slightly, clearly she didn't expect me to have kept it, and that angered me too. Before my anger could form words I grabbed her hand and disapparated.

We appeared in the middle of the quidditch pitch in Richmond park. It was a small pitch, under maintenance by local wizards to keep muggles away. Ron and I visited it on the weekend to play friendly games with friends and colleagues, but given the time of night, it was completely deserted. I doubt we'd even need the wards to keep muggles away right now, but it was good to have them.

I knew this was rash and silly, and that if Abbot and McDougal noticed we had left the apartment it would be unnecessary strife searching for us, but the chances of whoever attacked Ky somehow being here of all places was slim.

At least that's what I told myself in consolation.

Ky's hands were wrapped around her, shivering, and I groaned, my impulsivity has her stood in just a sleeveless dress at close to midnight. She has been holding herself because she's cold, and she's too damn stubborn to say anything! So…she wasn't nervous…I shrugged my coat off, controlling my relief at the realisation that her body language had nothing to do with her feelings towards me, and draped it about her shoulders. She clambered into it quickly, and I bit back my smile, now wasn't the time to think about how cute she always looked in my clothes.

I mounted my broom, which had already been hovering at my side, I glanced at her, but she just stared at her broom, not moving. "Don't tell me you need a refresher lesson, I know for a fact you had a brilliant flying coach."

I teased - I had taught Ky to fly. She didn't like quidditch but she enjoyed flying, and some of my happiest memories of her were of her in the air, an ecstatic smile on her beautiful face.

She ran her fingers over the words - Kyrianna's Thunder. Her brothers, Linus and Lenzo, had made that broom for her.

Oh.

"Jump on." I nodded to my back, realising her hesitation as she was painfully reminded of the loss of her brothers, "You did always prefer to be a passenger princess."

She turned her stormy greys on me, ready with a quip, but bit her lip. Godric she needed to stop fucking doing that.

Thankfully she silently got on behind me and I no longer had to look at her, but in hindsight, this was nothing to be grateful for, because now I could feel all of her.

My heart soared as I took off, and it had nothing to do with its ascension, Ky's arms were about my waist, her cheek on my left shoulder blade, her breasts at my back, and her thighs stuck to my own. My body flooded with heat as her scent filled my nostrils, her hair whipping my neck, and I turned, meeting the familiar smile of Ky in flight and grinned right back.

I did a few circuits of the park, even though we were restricted by wards, the scenery more than made up for it. Her hands at my tummy began tracing patterns like she often would do unknowingly, Ky's fingers were always at work, and it was one of the things I'd missed about her. Waking up to her fingers floating about my body, going to sleep with the sensation as well, sitting next to her at dinner as she traced circles on my thigh, and then this.

I closed my eyes, taking in this singular moment, of flying and Ky.

I opened my eyes, and began my descent, knowing we needed to get back to the safety of my apartment. I jumped off first, disheartened by the loss of her, and helped her off. I didn't let go of her fingers, and as she held my hand she traced patterns on my fingertips. I focused on where our hands met, neither of us moving.

A rustling sound had me whipping my wand out, turning around, and Ky gasped softly. "Oh."

Standing a few feet away, was a large stag. Of course, this was not unusual for Richmond Park, which was quite famous for its deer, but the animals usually kept away from the pitch, and it was unusual to see a solitary one at this time of night.

But of course, he wasn't alone.

A doe, hidden from view by the larger animal, took tentative steps forward. Ky was walking forward as well, and I watched in silent wonder as the two approached each other.

This had to be magic at play, I've never known deer to act like this. The stag remained where he was, and I tightened my wand. Ky may want to play Disney Princess right now, but I wasn't going to let her get gouged out by those antlers.

I swallowed as Ky reached her hand out, and the doe leaned her face into her palm. The stag cantered back and forth at the action, restless and unsure and I clutched my wand, unknowingly keeping pace with Ky.

I kept my eye on the stag, which kept his eye on me. It was probably just the dark, but he looked a lot like my own patronus, the antlers branching in much the same pattern. I didn't have the urge to touch him, but I did feel awfully connected to this wild animal. He seemed to have his hooves filled with his doe as well, they were on their own in the middle of the night, easy prey, and she'd brought him over to creatures who often killed his kind. Yet he just stood there, keeping watch over her. Basking in her insanity.

It must be exhaustion, but right now in this moment, I don't think any creature understood me better than that stag.

"Godric, she's beautiful." Ky whispered, as she stepped away from the doe, who walked backwards until she reached the stag, turning into his side, letting herself be camouflaged and protected by him again.

"Yeah." My eyes planted on Ky, taking in her hair, which had become wild and familiar with the fly, her cheeks which were flushed from the cold, her eyes bright in the moonlight, her lips, chapped, pink and plump.

My Ky.

And then I remembered, my Ky loved me so very much that her patronus was a doe. She loved me not just with her heart, but with her very soul.

And with that thought, all my anger, all my bitterness, all my jealousy and all my grievances, left me.

"Ky, thank you."

My gratitude was manifold. She had saved my life today. The night I thought she had died, she had saved my life then as well. I may not have agreed with her decision making, but she had meant to sacrifice herself so that we all could survive.

She didn't respond, instead she held her hand out, "I'm sorry, Harry."

I took her hand, knowing that her apology too was a blanket one, but it was genuine. I squeezed her hand affectionately, trying to remember when was the first time I held her hand, and if I had been as excited then as I was now.

The wind rustled, and I summoned our brooms, and apparated us home.

A/N: So this was initially part of a really long chapter, but I felt that actually, since this is quite a big development in their arc of Harry's perspective towards Ky shifting to a more positive light, it would be better to stop the chapter here. I'm publishing both chapters today, but wondered whether I should have kept it as one long chapter, or was it better to separate it, or do you think it genuinely doesn't matter? Would love your thoughts on this!

Kalina