Author's Notes: Hi, readers. Here's chapter twelve of "Not So Far." This chapter features the return of Leia and Holdo. I felt it was time to bring them back and offer some insight into their friendship. FN-2187 will meet Poe in the next few chapters. Stay tuned for chapter thirteen.
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Chapter 12: Just Thinking
Leia sat at her desk in her quarters at the D'Qar Resistance base. She had her head propped up on her elbow. She listened to the faint sounds of animals coming from outside. The laughter of children caught her attention. She spotted a human boy and a Twi'lek girl running past the entrance with toy blasters. She heard them imitate shooting sounds.
Leia could not help but smile as she turned toward the wall in front of her. She remembered all the times Ben would pretend he was on a battlefield and shooting at enemies. She enjoyed seeing him use his imagination. She saw that as very important. Though she did the same thing as a little girl, she spent more time learning how to be the princess of Alderaan. She didn't mind being a princess, though she wished she could've had more playtime. She never had many friends as a child. Her main companions were her parents, Bail and Breha.
Her thoughts shifted to Luke. She remembered all the times he talked about his childhood on Tatooine. She saw he had a fun childhood hanging out with his friends in doing activities such as shooting whomp-rats and racing in Beggar's Canyon. At the same time, she felt for him because he dreamed of a different life away from his home world. She understood Owen was trying to keep him safe by keeping his Jedi lineage a secret, but she knew Luke would have found out eventually.
She started thinking about Han. She hoped he would find Ben and bring him home. She was very prepared that her son might not want to return, even if he forgave them and his uncle. She wanted him to be happy. She was so grateful to Han for never giving up in searching for him. Though she and Luke were strong in the Force, she knew Force-sensitives could not always sense someone's true intentions.
Leia snapped out of her thoughts when she heard more laughter. She looked to see the same children running past the entrance. She listened to them make more shooting sounds. She caught a 'Whoa' as it grew louder. Just then, Holdo appeared in the doorway. She shook her head in disbelief while jerking her thumb in the direction of the children.
"Those kids can get so wild sometimes," Holdo grumbled annoyingly. "Someone ought to put them in binders."
"I think you are right," Leia agreed as her friend came into the room. "Parents should control their kids, but they are not always able to."
"Kids will test their parents at times. I know I did with mine," Holdo pointed out matter-of-factly.
"I did too," Leia admitted while putting her hand on the desk. "It is all a part of growing up. Kids do not always do what their parents tell them."
"The same can be said for many adults," Holdo said, grabbing a chair and pulling it up next to the desk. She sat down with a light grunt. "Adults are not always right, but preventing children from doing what they want to do is for the best at times."
Leia sighed to herself. "If there was one thing my parents taught me, it was to never obey authority without question."
"My parents taught me that too. Obeying authority without question can lead people into real trouble. They want to please the authority figures, no matter what. They can easily be led into doing something illegal," Holdo explained.
"Like stealing," Leia responded.
Holdo nodded in agreement. "That's right. Always expect the unexpected. This is especially true for Jedi."
Leia sighed warmly as memories of her Jedi training went through her mind. She could never forget how patient Luke was with her. She saw that as a far cry from his impatience the year before when he was yearning for action. She was thankful to him for keeping her lightsaber. She wondered if he brought it back with him after he returned from exile. She never thought to ask.
"It feels like only yesterday when we formed the Resistance," Leia said honestly.
"It feels that way to me too," Holdo responded with a soft sigh. "I remember our days with the Rebel Alliance. It felt like the Galactic Civil War would never end."
"I know. I served in the Imperial Senate, but I supported the rebellion in secret. In my earliest days in the Senate, I learned betrayal always came from those who acted the friendliest," Leia explained.
"I recall people saying you were not a real diplomat and politician. You were just a princess playing dress-up," Holdo whispered, shaking her head in disbelief.
"That angered me to no end," Leia grumbled irritatingly. "I did a lot of humanitarian work, including rescuing a baby Wookie from the ruins of a village destroyed by Imperial forces. The media didn't give a damn about all that. They just saw me as a princess."
"A feisty princess at that," Holdo commented, a giggle coming from her. "You never let anyone hold you down. You still don't."
"I have to chuckle when someone calls me princess, but they correct themselves and call me general. It is hard to get rid of old habits," Leia whispered.
"It is for most people," Holdo pointed out truthfully. "When old habits die, new habits form."
"It takes time getting used to new habits, but it comes eventually," Leia said, smiling lightly. "Yes, it does."
Holdo slipped a lock of hair behind her ear. She and Leia heard talking and glanced toward the doorway. They watched two human men walk past it. They listened to their laughter before turning back to each other.
"I hope Han, Luke, and Chewie can find Ben and bring him home this time," Leia whispered in some uncertainty.
"I have no doubt you are nervous about seeing him again," Holdo suggested gently.
"Oh, I am," Leia admitted and sighed sadly. "I miss him so much. So does the rest of my family." She clasped her hands together and twirled her thumbs around fast. "I can't help but wonder what he has been up to since he disappeared."
"I say he has taken on a padawan of his own," Holdo responded.
"That would give him a sense of purpose. It would also be a way for him to redeem himself for destroying Luke's temple," Leia explained in a soft way.
"In other words, Ben would have restarted the Jedi Order without his uncle being aware of it," Holdo said, raising her eyebrows.
Leia nodded slowly and suppressed a yawn. "Right. I say he would want attachments allowed. Luke believes that could have prevented our father's fall to the dark side. Our mother kept him grounded, but his fear of losing her consumed him."
"There is no shame in feeling fear. You just can't let it control you. If you do, you lose focus. When you lose focus, you can't complete a task," Holdo explained.
"Exactly," Leia answered and pressed her lips together. "Han and I could have gone our separate ways after Ben disappeared, but we didn't. He was determined to find him and bring him home. Vari is obsessed with finding Ben and killing him to avenge her fallen fellow padawans."
Holdo shuddered in fear. "I have looked in her eyes twice. They are the coldest eyes I have ever seen in my life. I do not want to look in them again, but I have a feeling I will."
Leia opened the first drawer on the right. She reached in to pull out Han's dice. She showed them to Holdo, who tilted her head somewhat.
"Han gave these dice to me just before he left on his first trip. Ben used to play with them when he was young," Leia murmured, chuckling to herself. "Han calls them his lucky dice."
"Of course, he does. He is a lucky guy," Holdo said, smiling in much warmth.
"In a Jedi's experience, there is usually no such thing as luck," Leia pointed out truthfully.
"Luck can be a great thing to rely on, especially in times of great peril," Holdo commented.
"Yes, it can," Leia agreed. "Anyway, I remember one time when Ben thought he lost these dice. We were vacationing on Endor. He wanted to show them to Wicket. He looked through his things, but he could not find them. He began to panic as he thought Han would get on his butt for it. He looked everywhere for them. Then he found they were hanging on a hook in the hut we were staying in."
"Some things happen to be in plain sight when we think we have lost them," Holdo said with a giggle. She ran her hand over her hair. "I can't count the number of times that happened."
"Me neither," Leia agreed. "Luke told me our father spoke of how Obi-Wan would tell him the lightsaber was a Jedi's life. Han actually used Luke's lightsaber to cut open the dead tauntaun that he rode on, so he could put him inside. He did not want him to freeze to death in extreme cold of Hoth."
"Several rebels have said tauntauns smell bad on the outside, but they smell even worse on the inside right after they die," Holdo said, propping her head up with her elbow on the desk.
"That is exactly what Han told me about his dead tauntaun. He even admitted he felt like he was going to faint. He kept himself together because he needed to build a shelter for him and Luke to stay in during the night," Leia explained.
"Our stay at Echo Base did not even last a month," Holdo muttered irritatingly. "We thought Hoth was too remote for the Empire to locate."
"Darth Vader was very determined to find us, especially Luke. He knew Luke was strong in the Force," Leia said and swallowed hard.
"You told me finding out Vader was your father was the biggest shock of your life. You didn't want to believe you could be related to such a monster," Holdo said.
"Somehow, I always knew Luke was my brother. I resisted that mind probe Vader subjected me to. I began to wonder if I was Force-sensitive because I heard rumors one is known to have such an ability. When I sensed Luke's distress on Bespin, I came to realize I was strong in the Force," Leia commented, shuddering softly. "The question was which Jedi was my mother, my father, or both. That is if they were Jedi."
"A child does not have to be born of Jedi in order to be strong in the Force," Holdo responded. She reached over and placed her hand over hers. "At least you did get some Jedi training."
"I am very grateful for it. There is always a possibility I will have to take on a padawan of my own," Leia said, sniffling. "The future is always in motion. It is impossible to see clearly."
"I have no doubt you would make a great master for a potential padawan. You may be temperamental, but you are very patient," Holdo said, smiling.
"Thank you," Leia said, a tear falling from her eye. "Thank you for being my friend for all these years."
Holdo and Leia hugged tightly. They patted each other's backs before sighing in much content. They stayed this way for ten seconds. They pulled apart to look at each other.
"What do you say we get some coffee?" Holdo asked.
"Sure," Leia responded, standing up. They headed out of the room and made a right turn. They went down the hallway.