Black smoke enveloped reality. In every direction and so thick it was a mystery how anyone could hold it apart from the darkness around it. Maybe it wasn't possible at all. It could be a trick of the mind, an illusion. There was only darkness, after all, and within it even darker shades that moved with such a slow speed that it almost wasn't perceivable.

Nothing else was there.

Emptiness.

Silence.

The Master shot up with a gasp and looked around. The room was unfamiliar, the shapes, the smell, the whole feeling of it. But then he remembered. The half darkness. The half light.

He was alone.

The bed sheets next to him were crumpled but empty. Only the Doctor's smell lingered. The man himself was gone and the Master strained his senses to determine for how long.

An hour maybe? It couldn't be much longer. And if his time sense didn't betray him, then the Master had slept for almost three hours more. An impossibly long time.

The poison's fault.

He listened inside his body and noted satisfied that all remnants were eliminated. The detox had helped to survive, but his body had still needed time to flush everything out properly.

Speaking of which, he really needed the bathroom. And a hot shower.

So he climbed out of bed and made his way through the chaos on the ground. Parts of unfinished projects, papers with doodles and blueprints, a plush figure of a galrawus and some discarded clothes. Nothing of interest. Nothing to use. But he knew that already. It wasn't the first time he had been inside this room, albeit never for that purpose.

After taking care of his bladder, the Master stepped inside the shower and let warm water run over his head. This was pleasant. A nice distraction from the ache the poison had left in his body. And the water muffled the drums.

The Master still could only half believe what had happened before, how easily the Doctor had agreed, almost as if he had waited for the opportunity, as if he hadn't always run away before.

Acceptance could be such a strong force. And it seemed as if the Doctor was going all in on it, placing everything on this one card. On those few words he had said.

It still surprised the Master that the other one had agreed to indulge in physical pleasure. Few Time Lords indulged in anything they deemed below them. And the Doctor, more often than not, appeared to be entirely clueless about the whole topic. Aside from the bit of experimentation they had done in their younger years. An all too wrong appearance, given how effortlessly the Doctor had gone with it.

Given that he had allowed the Master to touch him like that.

The thought made him twitch pleasantly before he could will down the reaction. Maybe he was indulging those physical sensations way too much these days. A guilty pleasure, although a recent one. His high exposure to humans was the reason, he decided as he watched the water run down his body and tingle receptive parts of his skin.

He didn't need to acknowledge the physical sensation, didn't need his body to react to it.

The Doctor's lips had tasted sweet. He had smelled like a hot day in summer. He had felt so good in the Master's hands, melting into his touch, allowing him access to all the things he even denied those ape companions.

Indulgence.

The Master groaned softly and watched himself getting hard. Streaks of water ran down along the shape of him, dripping down gently at the tip. If he allowed it, those thoughts about the Doctor were enough. And the warm water too. There was the option to use his willpower to regulate the blood flow away from his groin, but the Master didn't care.

His hand wandered down and with a new memory from their past on his tongue he took his cock in his hand and gently started to stroke, then got bolder, his grip firmer. He had done this before, in warm showers, with nothing but thoughts in his mind, although those had been someone else's fault.

Someone that now lay dead in a time locked forest.

His every movement stopped abruptly. There was another shower inside his memories and another one in there with him, smile bright and warm, welcoming his touch that had no intention to lead anywhere. It had been about the closeness, the shared space, a moment in content companionship.

Gone.

The Master roared in anger, slamming his fist against the tiles in front of him. Blood spilled out from his knuckles, painting the water at his feet in red. So much red flowing down, down, down, down, to where it was lost and forever forgotten. It flowed out of him with a rhythm of four, steady and maddening, just like the drums. But there was no crack in the tiles, not even a tiny one.

Nothing was left.

No evidence that it had ever existed.

Nothing but memories.

For many long minutes the Master did nothing but stand there and breathe and watch the red get lesser until his skin was sealed again. Every other thought was long forgotten, washed away and erased from ever having existed.

.

Nothing gets your energy back faster than a good meal. In silence. And for exactly four minutes and thirty two seconds the Master enjoyed the solitude immensely.

Then Donna strode into the kitchen.

"Oh, not you again," the Master groaned. Suddenly his gereg on toast tasted less appealing.

"Oi, I'm as much a guest on'e ship as you are!" She wiggled her finger accusingly at him and opened the fridge.

"I'm not a guest."

Donna retreated with a glass of orange juice and regarded him with a smile. "'M pretty sure you're as free to leave as I am. At least technically. Don't think you actually want to."

An eye roll was her only response.

"Don' gi'me that, alien boy!" The waving finger was back. "I promised the Doctor not to ask what ya two're up to in private, but'was pretty obvious. Maybe… dunno if Time Lords even… Eh, tell you what? I don't want to know."

"I wouldn't tell you anyway," growled the Master. His appetite was gone now and the drums appeared to get louder by the heartbeat. Although, on second thought, it would be a relief to have that annoying voice be tuned out.

"...and turns out she was the Unicorn. Didn't think that, she didn't look like a thief, who does, really? And the wasp? It was that priest!"

"The priest?" It took him a moment to catch up to her ramblings, but it seemed as if Agatha had held her promise to write a book about the case to let them know how it ended. Not that he was that interested in it anyway. It was just nice to know that he hadn't gotten himself poisoned for nothing.

"...because everyone knows wasps aren't the smartest, so she throws the damn thing in the water and guess what? Priest boy chases it without a thought and drowns! Just drowns. Poor thing."

Another voice interrupted her this time, much to the Master's luck. "I've just read through it and it's brilliant! Oh, Master! You're up, great! I was a little worried 'cause you wouldn't wake up, but Donna told me about the poison and I let you heal."

"Uh… well, yeah." It was all the Master could manage.

"Say 'thank you' for God's sake!" Donna shook her head. "If you wan'im to be your boyfriend you can't go about being all rude all day, ya know?"

The Master choked on his tee. "My what? Never ever in a million regenerations."

"That was rude." The Doctor smiled. His eyes sparked with joy and teasing as he strode over to snatch a sliver of toast from the Master's plate.

"Shut up. You know it would never work."

The Doctor only winked and stuck his tongue out a little, giggling when the Master tried to steal his breakfast back.

"You never complained when I called Lucy your girlfriend, but with the Doctor you snap."

"And who asked you anyway about your opinion?" he growled.

"No one. Don't care. You two're too obvious. But speaking of her, when're we going to visit Lucy?"

"Visit…?" The Master tensed.

"Well, her li'll dragon's missing her. He's been making a mess in my room before I threw'im out. Let's bring him back to her and say hi, you know?"

"No." It wasn't possible. Suddenly he felt a tremble creep up his body. "I'm not going back there and neither are you!" He slammed his hand on the table and jumped up, glaring hatefully at the human. How dare she!

"Master, what…"

He didn't let the Doctor finish and stormed out of the kitchen. Why did that dragon had to return here? And why did the stupid thing have to show itself to anyone who would ask stupid questions? The Master's pulse raced, his hearts outrunning the rhythm in his head. He wanted to forget. Why wasn't it granted to him? Why did they all have to poke?

"Hey, will you just wait. Master!" The Doctor's voice and steps grew louder, but at least he was alone when he caught up. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is… everything is wrong!" The Master snapped. His chest wouldn't stop hurting.

"Oh… oh… if it's because…" The Doctor gestured between himself and the Master. "I'm not jealous of her. I don't mind, really. You should know I wouldn't."

"It's not about that."

"What then? Did you two fight? I'm sure we ca-"

"She's dead!" The Master shouted. It was impossible to hold it inside of him, to contain the anguish it all brought him. Not even the shame of feeling like that could hold him back any longer, nor did it help with the bloody tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes.

"She… she can't be dead," stammered the Doctor. "How would she…"

He couldn't hide from it any longer. And where he normally would have gloated there was now only the capacity for pain. He hated how feeble his voice sounded when he finally spoke, how it almost broke.

"I killed her."

The Doctor's eyes went wide with shock, with disbelief. Disappointment. "No… No, you can't have. "He shook his head and stepped back. "I thought you had changed. I… I…" Another step and then one more.

The Master reacted fast and grabbed the Doctor's arm, before he could escape. "Oh no, you're not running away. At least let me explain."

"I'm really not sure I want to know. This is messed up, even for you."

Oh, oh the Master was deeply in trouble. Not much had ever hurt him like the disgust and disappointment he could see on the other man's face. And of course it made sense that he thought the worst of the Master. There were all the reasons anyone could ever want. The history between them weighed heavily.

"Yes, you want to hear," he eventually growled.

The stone hardened features slowly soften, albeit only a little. The Doctor fought with himself over whether to trust his counterpart or not and the Master didn't blame him for it and also couldn't ignore the strange sting in his guts. He didn't want to be mistrusted. Not by him.

A sigh. A blink. Then the Doctor gently loosened the Master's grip from his arm and intertwined their fingers, not looking at him.

"How? Why?"

It wasn't the first time the Master felt like this, he realised. It was the second time already he wanted someone to trust him, wanted to be someone to be trusted. And that alone was messed up enough.

The first time had been with Lumin - Lucy. Maybe he should start using her actual name. It wasn't her fault that she had the same as his former fake wife. It wasn't her fault that he had messed that one up too, despite not even really wanting it. Lumin had been the one stubbornly demanding they were friends, whether he liked it or not. She had been one to show compassion and had been angry for him. And sometimes also because of him. She had been the reason he had slowly started to be a little gentler and here and there even considerate. Because he genuinely wanted to.

"Come, Doctor. I'll explain it on the way."

"On the… Her body is here in the TARDIS?"

"Time locked. Yes. Your ship, for once, was so nice to obey me."

"Oh." And for a good minute this was the only thing the Doctor said. "You hope you can do something?"

A simple question and yet it told so much. It was a sign that he lent the benefit of a doubt to him. He wanted to listen first.

"No." The Master shook his head and sighed. Where to even start? "You remember that I gave her a part of my own life force to save her stupid arse?"

"Mhm, 'cause I do. Still surpri-"

"Turns out it was literally the only thing that kept her alive. There was nothing else. Not even a spark. For all that mattered she was only a husk…"

"I… That one time I was in her mind, she wouldn't let me have a look at her life force. That… explains it. She knew."

The Master sighed. "Yes."

"But life force isn't a finite resource." The Doctor tugged at his ear. "She should have developed her own over time."

"Should."

Abruptly the Master came to a halt. There was the wooden door leading to his forest. It was hard to breathe and even harder to keep his focus away from the drums, even though they were unnervingly quiet right now. His hand was unsteady when he placed it on the knob, not visibly, but still… When he hesitated, fingers squeezed his own tighter, warm and reassuring.

"I'm with you, Master. But you… just promise me… tell me it wasn't out of rage or cruelty. I can imagine what you did. You took your life force back, didn't you?"

Together they opened the door and the Doctor kept holding the Master's hand as they walked into the trees.

"To develop life force you need to actually want to live," said the Master. He glared at his feet. "She never really could let go of her death wish." Much like a certain someone he was holding right now, but that he kept to himself. "Until we were on the island. Or maybe before that. I saw it, Doctor. I felt it." After all, the girl had decided to live. "There was… She had all the life force anyone could want."

"So, you took back the spark that had been yours."

The clearing came into view. Water quietly ran down the small creek, a leaf swayed gently to the ground. And there, between the roots of an ancient tree, lay the body of the young woman. Her face was peaceful in her eternal slumber and on her chest sat the tiny dragon. Of course it would have found its way here. It was no surprise.

"I couldn't know, Doctor," the Master whispered. It felt to him as if every sound might disturb the time lock. It was impossible, but that didn't matter. "There was so much energy. It was impossible to fail. It should have worked without any problem. But…"

"I see." The Doctor knelt down next to the body and observed her. "I'm glad… That you didn't… you know. I want to trust you. I really do."

The Master didn't respond to that. He couldn't look at Lumin. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want anyone to know about this. And he didn't want the pain that came with it.

"I tried to return the life force as soon as I felt her slipping, but… it didn't work. It just didn't and I don't even know why."

"So you brought her here… immediately?"

The Master hummed and glared up at the roof of leaves and twigs above him. A crown of intertwined branches. Everything was connected, everything in the whole wide universe, but here he was, feeling empty and not part of anything, really.

Kira came flying up and landed on his shoulder, something the small creature usually never did. It hated Time Lords. At least the two that still existed. But this time it made an exception so it could stare pleadingly, beg with nothing but its presence.

"Get lost," muttered the Master. "I can't bring her back."

"Uhm say, did you check for vitals?"

"Of course. I'm not stupid, Doctor. There was nothing. No pulse, no breath, no psychic energy."

"It's just…" The other Time Lord squatted in front of Lumin, one hand pressed against her chest. There had been no heartbeat either.

"Let's go. I don't want to be here."

"No, wait. That's, oh this is strange, I don't understand…"

"Told you… Now come."

The Doctor looked up, puzzled. "Master." His hand still hovered above Lumin's chest, barely touching the shirt. And suddenly the Master felt his stomach drop. That look meant something.

An invisible string tugged at him, ice froze him from the inside. The air bristled and his hearts jumped up and hammered their four-beat rhythm against his throat. It couldn't be. It was impossible. That look could not mean what he thought it did. And yet…

"I think she's still alive."