A/N: Whooops... is it really been that long since the last chapter? *cough*

I've been on a holiday for one of those weeks and didn't write a single word... :V

And now it's hot outside and my body hates me. But here we are!

.

A long shower helped only half as much as I had hoped. The smell of smoke and the feeling of soot on my skin still lingered. Not literally, of course, but that didn't matter.

We had fled through the still smouldering ruins the explosion had created. The area wasn't that big, but the damage painted it clearly into my mind. The Doctor had tried to sonic the surroundings to see where the Master might have gone, but it was no use. There had been too much static noise. Whatever that might be.

All we could do now was to wait and hope he would show himself again.

Waiting.

I sighed at the mirror in my bathroom and wiped away the coating of humidity, only to stare at the ever changing and moving mark that sat on my chest, mocking me with its presence and the unsolved mystery behind it.

Void particles. A place that held nothing itself. But how could nothing decide to form a circle? How could it burn itself into skin? I placed a hand over the symbol, trying to feel anything. But it neither had texture, nor did it emanate any form of perceivable energy. And, as always when I did this, the slight purple colour seemed to be a little brighter for some seconds.

There was nothing left to do but to get some rest. The room invited me with its cool temperature, perfect for snuggling under the blankets and getting comfy.

I couldn't sleep.

Of course I couldn't. Stupid of me to even try. After an hour of tossing and turning I slipped out from under the covers again and… stopped.

There had been a thought in my head, an idea. Something so automatic that I hadn't even questioned it. To go to the Master's room. To bug him for a while, as if I had done this already. Many times, in fact.

A memory?

Maybe more of a habit. I ran a hand over my face and tried to conjure up more, only to be met with a headache. Groaning, I fell back into the cushions, waiting for the pain to ebb away. I could go nowhere. Donna slept, surely exhausted by the day's events and the Doctor… as much as he tried to be kind and understanding, I never quite felt understood by him. A barrier too high or maybe too strange lay between us. And right now the only thing I wanted was to be understood. And there gnawed a feeling on my insides that I had experienced exactly that. Once, although I had been convinced that it was impossible.

But tonight I would not find any comfort.

.

The hours dragged on until I finally decided to get up again and play some video games for a while. It helped make me more tired, but didn't make my thoughts any quieter. At least I found some rest, after all and in the 'morning' I poured myself an extra strong coffee with a bit of hazelnut syrup. The TARDIS spawned the latter next to my cup, much to my delight.

With this treat in my hand I decided it was time to face the others again and strolled to the console room. Donna herself looked as if she hadn't slept much and the Doctor - if he ever slept at all - looked not only tired, but also worried. Even I could tell.

I also could tell that they had talked right before I came in. The silence that now hung in the air was thick and uncomfortable.

"You know, it would be easier to talk to me instead of about me." This annoyed me, but I wasn't in the mood to let it get to me. I yawned and flopped down into one of the jump seats, letting my feet dangle.

"We weren't…" Donna gnawed on her bottom lip. "Not 'bout you anyway. Not directly. 'S just hard not to, you know. You're part of this. Us." She pointed between the Doctor and her.

"I just talked about various ways to find out where exactly the Master is hiding. He can't get very far. No means of transportation and all. Weeell… not away from the planet or through time anyway. Could still travel far on the surface. Anywhere. But I'm sure he won't. Wouldn't be his style."

"And he probably wants to rile you up 'n make you fight to get'im back." Donna chuckled, but the gleeful expression vanished fast when the Doctor only scowled.

"Whatever he's doing out there, I need to stop it; before it escalates." He sighed, burying his face in his hands, elbows on the console. "Why? Why is he doing that? We've come so far. He's changed so much. I don't get it."

The monitor beeped, demanding all of our attention. Orange and green lights blinked in various patterns around the edge. The Doctor read the outprint and scowled. "He didn't move."

"Whaddya mean, he didn't move? He can't be in that burning thing still! It's… well it's burning for a start!" Donna threw her hands up.

"Not anymore."

"Now that makes it so much better."

"The readings…. this isn't just a monument. There is also stuff underground. Metal walls. Can't get a signal through those. Aaand… behind. I mean behind the monument. There is a house, villa of some sorts. That's still intact. I think he's in there." The Doctor pressed a button and brought up another screen. It showed rhythms and numbers, moving lines. "There are several life signatures and one of them-" he pointed at a particular line– "has a double pulse."

Two hearts.

The Master had wanted to show me, prove it.

"So, we go in and drag'im outta there. And you punch his stupid alien face."

"Oi, I'm an alien too!"

"Less annoying though."

The Doctor pursued his lips and then sighed. "It won't be that easy to get inside. Knowing him he already installed security. Meaning people. He knows I won't risk harming them."

"And I didn't say, oh, you know what? How 'bout you throw a bomb on that thing? No, Doctor, just talk to him."

"Talk? Donna, you saw what happened when we just talked! You really think it will work out better a few hours later?"

"Then ask for a date."

The Doctor groaned and slumped against the console, head buried in his hands. I exchanged a short look with Donna, but couldn't read what her face tried to tell me. I could only feel the distress around her, in the whole room. They bantered to soothe their fear, their uncertainty.

I felt lost here, in the wrong place. I had nothing to contribute, nothing to say, to ask, to offer.

"He should have listened to the end," The Doctor murmured. "I don't want to chain him. I promised I wouldn't. I told him I… why can't he just trust me for once?"

He acted slowly, each press of any button as heavy as if they needed a great amount of strength to move.

"Whoa, what'ya doing, Doctor? You can't leave! Tell me you won't just leave?"

Silence. For a few painful seconds. Did he consider?

"Of course not," he whispered.

My guts twisted. This was irrational. It made no sense.

"Why not?" I asked and all eyes landed on me. The Doctor's puzzled, Donna's shocked. "You said he can't go anywhere else. It means you don't need any chains."

"Good?" The Doctor exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. "No, not at all."

"We don't know what he'd do to the place!" objected Donna. "We can't strand'im here."

I shrugged. "So let him have that one planet. Save the rest of the universe. Sounds like the lesser evil to me."

"He might kill and torture the population!" whined Donna. "We can't let him do that! How can you even suggest that, Lucy? And don't ya want to get him back here? At least to kick him for being an idiot to you!"

"She's right. We can't risk him doing who knows what. You read the TARDIS files. You know what he did to earth during that one year."

"Would still be better than letting him loose on the entire universe, wouldn't it?" I knew I didn't think in kind ways here, but if this could save so many and so much, then what did a comparably small sacrifice really matter? A man as dangerous as him would never stop trying to struggle his way out of chains. But let him have a nice little playground and maybe… No, this was not kind at all. But really, what would be the alternative?

"He's changed." The Doctor slumped together and slid down to the ground, back against the console. "I know he has. He's just scared to be a prisoner again."

"That doesn't excuse… whatever he's planning," Donna objected carefully. "I know you feel a lot for him, but… Doctor, is that really worth endangering all those innocent lives?"

"No, no of course not."

"And what… what if Lucy's right?" she muttered. "She's got the most neutral perspective on this right now. Ours is… skewed, isn't it? You always try to see the best in people, no matter what. And even I… I spent some time with'im and thought, yeah, he's still an arse, for sure, but there's potential." She sighed. "Doctor. What if there's none?"

Did I see tears glitter in the Time Lord's eyes? It might have been a trick of the light. He balled his hands to fists, gritting his teeth. "I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that. It can't be. It just can't. It…" He sobbed and his voice broke. "Donna, it can't be."

So, this is what love does to you, I thought. It makes you willingly blind, makes you look away from all the bad, makes you suffer the consequences of that very act and then spits you out, hurt and bleeding on the ground with nothing to ever soothe that pain.

I was no stranger to this.

And yet I felt bad for the Doctor. Because he had to go through this on his… no, not on his own. Donna joined him on the ground, hugging him tight. Not a single tear fell. He only looked broken. Broken, but mended by another one's presence.

I was a stranger to that.

How might this feel, I silently wondered. To be held in a moment of weakness, instead of being kicked in your guts for showing any of it.

Was I jealous?

Maybe. But the emotion didn't quite reach me. Nothing really did.

Dissociation?

I looked down at my hands and pondered about that. It often helped not to be too present inside my own body and sometimes mind. The distance made a huge difference. I could observe without having to feel anything. Like right now. I was just… numb. And that in return made me feel even more like a stranger.

I didn't belong in this play. In their world. In their shared history.

They didn't see me leave the console room and if they did, no one stopped me.

.

I'm not sure I actually remember anything else from that day, or the ones that followed. I only kept staring at the breathing circle on my chest, kept hiding away in the library, kept eating on my own and sleeping too many hours without ever feeling rested.

Sometimes there was that urge again, to go and visit another one's space. I wanted to… to just sit there and watch. Watch… something. I couldn't remember what it was.

I couldn't remember anything at all.

Without an explanation I ended up with the Doctor and Donna once more. We sat in the kitchen around a table, each of us holding a steaming cup in their hands. They talked about the Master again, of course. It appeared that he had managed to overthrow the current government, taking their place instead. The streets steamed with turmoil and unsatisfied protesters.

"It's only a question of time until this blows up horribly," said the Doctor.

"Then finally go to him."

But the Doctor shook his head. "It's too dangerous. Right now I can't predict his behaviour."

"You think he'd harm you?"

"Wouldn't put it past him. Wouldn't be the first time, either. He doesn't trust me anymore, you heard him yourself."

"What if I go? He's got no real connection to me, maybe that'll bore him enough or whatever. 'S enough when I tell my piece and leave."

"No!" The Doctor's head snapped up and he looked at Donna, horrified. "If he doesn't care, he won't hesitate. I couldn't even guarantee that you'd come back alive."

Donna sighed and nipped at her tea. "Then what? Just let'im do as he pleases? D'you have any plan?"

He answered with a defeated noise, dropping his head on the rim of the table. "Why am I so stupid," he asked the floor. "'S not even long and I warned everyone around not to get too close to him. And now look at me, being an idiot."

"It's okay, Doctor." Donna leaned over and put her hand to his shoulder. "How should you have known?"

"How?" He huffed, looking up. "Because I bloody knew! I warned Lucy so often and then ran into the same trap! Well, not quite the same, he never…".

Suddenly the Doctor stopped and looked at me as if he had just remembered that I was with them. Sure, I hadn't said much and certainly hadn't participated in the conversation, but that moment still stung a little. It reminded me too painfully of how invisible I could be to people. But now his eyes bore into mine and a hopeful smile spread all over his face.

"He won't lay a finger on you, Lucy," The Doctor announced as if it were a fact.

"What?" Donna called. "No way, you can't send her!"

"And why do you think I'm the only one here who'd be safe?" I raised a questioning eyebrow. "Sounds like rubbish to me."

"Weeell…" The Doctor rubbed his neck. "One thing's for sure. He would never harm himself. And… I know you you have no reason to trust or believe me right now, Lucy, but… in a way, he cares. And harming you would harm himself even more."

"That why he's been such a prick to me?" I grunted and shook my head.

To my surprise, the Doctor smiled, although the expression was sad. "I'm sure you've been in a situation like that yourself already. When stuff around you just… crumbles. And you lose control over everything and then you lash out. Because you don't know what else to do."

I glanced at Donna. She bit her lip and said nothing. Was he right? I remembered the hurt look on the Master's face in the library. The one I had ignored. Had wanted to ignore, because I had been hurting myself.

"No."I shook my head. "I'm not risking my life for a theory."

"It's not!" the Doctor protested. "And think about the planet. You might save them all."

"Yeah… Not interested," I grumbled. "I don't know these people. Why would I sacrifice myself for them?"

Before anyone could say more, I stood and tossed dark looks around. I was no hero, for fucks sake. All I wanted was to remember again. And would I die now, that would never happen.

They Let me leave without trying to convince me again.

.

That night I dreamed of black fires and smoke billowing into the sky, high as towers, thick as the night itself. Something screamed. And when I looked down there sat a little creature in the palms of my hands.

A dragon?

It was so small, maybe the size of a rat. His scales were black with a slight purple shimmer. The same colour as the eyes. The small wings grew out of his front legs, folding neatly behind the creature as it sat there, glaring up at me.

The smoke grew thicker, it grew shapes that moved and bent all around us, a monster, devouring everything in its wake. It had reached me silently in the few moments of distraction and now the tendrils of darkness stretched and reached for my limbs, grabbing, tearing-

I awoke with a gasp and although the images faded, their darkness stayed with me. This hadn't felt like a dream. It had felt like a living breathing thing that tried to worm itself into my insides.

Curling myself together, I tried to relax and forget that feeling of dread and fear. I didn't know what to be scared of. And what was with that small dragon from my dream? Its eyes had the same glow as the mark on my chest. Coincidence? Hadn't the Time Lord's mentioned something about a dragon at some point? Had they mentioned that it was so… tiny?

I sighed and crawled out from under my blanket, putting on some slippers and walking towards the door. Only to stop right as I reached out my hand to open it.

Again.

Instinct, for sure. Hesitantly I pressed down the handle and left. Dimly lit hexagonal corridors greeted me as the door slowly shut in my back. I heard the soft humming of machines and also felt a mental nudge that made me look… down.

There was a path of golden light, leading deeper into the TARDIS. Where would I end up after this curve? What would I find after another few steps? What did she want to show me?

Another door.

My heart leaped to my throat when I opened it. The black wood swung inwards, leading me into a room full with books and a desk with many parts and screws and other components of unexplained devices. There stood a black sofa with comfy cushions and there was also a bed, bigger than a single person would need, without actually being made for more than one. And it looked positively untouched, as if the owner seldom used it. If at all.

The Doctor's room, I decided on a stubborn whim. It had to be. Why else would I feel this sense of ease in here, of familiarity? It all looked by far too useful and not posh enough, no unnecessary luxury adorned the walls, floor or anything else. It had to be the Doctor's. Why would I ever feel safe in here if this was… the Master's room? Why would I experience such a strange nostalgic feeling all of a sudden and why would I always have this stupid urge to come here whenever sleep decided to elude me?

It made no sense. It couldn't be his room. It just couldn't. I refused to accept that.

.

"I'll go."

The Doctor and Donna both looked at me with surprise when I entered the console room with those barely audible words. They exchanged glances and then both walked over to me.

"You sure, Lucy?" asked Donna. "We're not forcing you, there'll be another-"

"Yeah, I am. I need to find out what… everything. And… I don't seem to find any answers here."

"Weeell, I'm not going to stop you, for what it's worth." The Doctor smiled and patted my shoulder. "You'll see. Everything will work out somehow."

Either that or I was about to walk into my certain death.