Those of you who are still hoping for a happy ending between D&E may be having a hard time believing that is possible in this story, but it will happen. The last chapter is Darcy's low point and things will improve from here on out.

On a more personal note, there's been increased turmoil in my daughter's life, because she is unwilling to get rid of the loser boyfriend that on Sunday she disclosed is abusing her. In my state, everyone is a mandated reporter of abuse and, so, after what she told me on Sunday, I had to file a report with adult protective services and got a call yesterday informing me that today a social worker and police officer will be showing up at her apartment. I am hoping she will be honest with them and not try to protect him once again.

12.

I went about my boring existence at home in a bit of a daze. I ate, did what work I could, and then engaged in leisure activities.

I felt a bit like Humpty Dumpty, shattered and abandoned, without even the king's horses and men to put me back together. It took me some time to realize that it would be up to me to put myself back together again, that I would have to treat myself as kindly as I would have someone else who had these experiences. If I didn't have a best friend anymore, I would have to be my own best friend.

I found myself assembling puzzle after puzzle in my afternoons. Forming order from a jumble of pieces helped to put me back together, too.

When I visited the surgeon, Dr. Nailer, the visit went better than I could have anticipated. Dr. Nailer began without out any niceties except for introducing herself. She was a plump woman of less than five feet with short, curly red hair, who exhibited a level of confidence that I wished I could have. She made me open up my mouth and looked inside with a little light and then asked me to describe where the pain was.

She nodded and told me, "The level of your pain and its location do not give me concern and I don't see any problems besides the problem identified in your scan and x-rays. Having reviewed those, I see no need for any follow-up images. Your break is minor, non-displaced and will resolve on its own, so while you may have heard about all the nasty things I could do to you, such as surgery and wiring your mouth shut, there is no need for that."

"Oh, good!" I exclaimed a bit too enthusiastically as it hurt my jaw. My hand rose up as if to touch the hurt spot, but as I knew that would only cause more pain, I lowered my hand before it reached my jaw.

Dr. Nailer gave a little nod, and it seemed that she had noted my sudden burst of pain. "Going forward, you just need to avoid doing anything that would put stress on that jaw. That means sticking to soft foods for at least four weeks, not engaging in any jarring movements and wearing the Barton bandage as needed for support.

"Now as for pain, I'm not going to prescribe you any opiates and recommend you just continue with ibuprofen once your current prescription is gone for two reasons. One, I want to avoid any risk of you becoming dependent and, two, ibuprofen will not blunt the pain entirely. If your pain increases, this is either a sign that you have done too much, or that the healing is not progressing properly. Take it easier the next day and if the pain lessens, you will know what you can safely do; if it doesn't, call my office right away and we will get you seen. Otherwise, I will see you for a follow-up appointment in four weeks. Any questions?"

"How much do I need to wear the bandage? I want to go back to work next week and I don't want any particular attention drawn to me."

"As I said, it is as needed, but especially now, as needed is probably all of the time. You will increase your pain by not wearing it. Stability is key for reduction of pain and aiding the healing process. If you prefer to avoid the hassle of taking the bandage on and off, you can have someone make a simple cloth version with two wide pieces that close up with Velcro; one to encircle you head vertically, from the crest of your head down around your chin," she demonstrated by moving her small hands around her face, "and a second one to go on top of it horizontally above your eyes and ears to help hold the first one in place. I'll have my nurse bring you a sheet with the instructions for the pattern."

"Is there any reason I shouldn't travel? I delayed a trip to England when this happened."

Dr. Nailer considered for a moment, "Plane travel is generally smooth enough, but the vibrations of the plane and any turbulence could cause you increased pain. I prefer that you wait a few days to make sure you know your tolerances well before you go. While certainly medical care would be adequate there, you need routine and to be able to quit all activities and rest when your jaw tells you that it has had enough. As much as possible, a sedentary and low impact lifestyle should be your goal for the next six weeks. With travel, people tend to overdo it."

"I understand," I told her.

My appointment concluded, and officially cleared for air travel should I wish it, I drove home and thought about what I should do. I felt, intellectually, that I should start looking for a plane ticket again, but I also felt physically and mentally exhausted, like I was recovering from a debilitating illness. I had no true desire to fly to England.

That afternoon, Rick called again as he had done the day before. Given the time change, he was staying up far too late just to speak to me. Just as before, he reported what he had done that day, and the leads he had followed up on. Although he had asked before how I was doing, I had yet to tell him anything about what had happened at the police station and afterwards. I didn't really want to dump anything else on him, given all he was doing.

This time, Rick told me "I have some doubt as to whether G.G. is still in the country. We've had a couple of tips that she was seen taking the Chunnel and the leads here have yet to pan out. I am debating going to France to see if I can trace her there, but I am not sure if it is a fool's errand or not. She might be holed up somewhere, just keeping out of sight. There have not been any Wickham sightings and if he is in the country, he didn't travel on his passport to get here. What do you think I should do?"

I was taken aback. How was I supposed to know? I answered, "I suppose whatever you think is best."

"Okay, I think I will go to France."

"Do you want me to join you?" I asked.

There was silence for a moment and then Rick noted, "Oh, your appointment was today. It went well then, if you can travel now."

I explained just what the doctor had told me. Just talking about it tired me out. At the end again I asked him "Do you want me to join you?"

"That's quite a turn-about, asking me now. I thought you'd be on the next plane after you got the clearance, or maybe even if you had not. What changed?"

I didn't really have the words to explain how I was feeling, but tried my best. "The idea of it all is exhausting. I want to find G.G., know it is my duty to do so, but everything is just overwhelming."

"I think, you sound, well kind of depressed. I think you maybe were a bit before, but you seem, well worse now. Bill, did something else happen since I've been gone?" His tone was gentle and kind, so gentle and kind that it brought a certain wetness to my eyes.

I could have demurred. I kind of wanted to. But it was Rick, so I haltingly began to tell him about what happened at the police station and then what happened afterwards on my walk. Rick was silent for so long, I started to wonder if we had lost sound on the call. I finally asked "Rick, are you there?"

"Yes, yes, I am. Geez, what happened when you tried to report it, that is heavy, heavy stuff."

Although I understood why Rick was focusing on that aspect of what I had told him, I had to ask. "When I talked to Jane, was I really as rude as Elizabeth seems to think I was?" I trusted Rick to tell me the truth.

"Well . . . do you really think that's the most important thing in all of this?" He hedged.

"Maybe not in the whole day, but I think it is the only thing where I might be able to fix things, if I was wrong."

"Okay, I get that. Yes, whatever your intentions, you did come off rather rude and arrogant. But what does it really matter? If you and Chuck Bingley are through, when are you ever going to see any of them ever again?"

"I suppose that's true, but I still would like to make it right. Of course I don't have Jane's number or email or anything." When I was telling Rick that, I wasn't really thinking of Jane Bennet, but of her sister, Elizabeth.

"Well, I don't know how you would get any of those without talking to Bingley, but an address should be easy enough with a name through a Google search. Maybe for something like this, snail mail is the way to go. You can break out the expensive stationery."

"I guess."

"This is about more than Jane soon-to-be Bingley, isn't it? More about her sister, Elizabeth, right?"

Rick was being as perceptive as always.

"And what if it is?"

"I don't think you are in any state to date right now, and dating the sister of Chuck's fiancee would be all kinds of awkward."

"Yeah, I know."

"But you'd still like to. I've heard you mention her more than once. Tell me more about her."

So I haltingly did. It wasn't until I was telling him that I realized all the observations about Elizabeth I had stored up, even though I had hardly talked to her. There was the way she tilted her head when she was sure she was right, the way her ears went up when she smiled, her quick wit and ready smile, her eyes that often danced with delight, and my favorite, how she could put Caroline Bingley in her place without actually insulting her.

I recalled for Rick a pool party at the indoor pool at Netherfield, how Caroline had been all but shoving a strong mixed drink in my hand, despite my attempts to demure. Elizabeth had asked "Bill, do you plan to swim?"

I remember that Elizabeth was wearing a practical black one-piece with a high enough neckline for diving, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail, while Caroline was in an itty-bitty bikini that was showing more than most lingerie, with her hair artfully arranged.

I immediately knew where that was going and such a good excuse it was. "Yes, I do."

Elizabeth spoke directly to Caroline then, "Don't you know that nearly half of all accidental drownings involve intoxication? The last thing anyone should do is drink and swim."

Caroline's mouth had gaped like she was a fish out of water and then she sputtered.

During Caroline's confusion, Elizabeth added, "Didn't you hear him tell you 'no'?"

Caroline replied, "Darcy's too stiff; he needs to lighten up and enjoy himself. He's on vacation after all."

"Shouldn't that be up to him?" Elizabeth asked.

"Let me be," I told Caroline.

Caroline huffed and then went and talked with her sister. I indulged in imagining that Elizabeth and I both shoved Caroline into the pool. She would look like a drowned rat, but of course there was the risk that her personal "flotation devices" would escape her bikini top and no one needed to see that.

I turned to thank Elizabeth, but she was gone, a splash telling me she had jumped into the pool herself. I wanted to join her, but I didn't.

"Isn't it odd," I told Rick in recalling all this, "but awesome all the same, that Elizabeth said 'no' to Caroline for me?" I lapsed into silence after that.

"I can get how you like her. Definitely do what you can to mend fences. Tell me, if you write, are you planning to write her or her sister?"

"I don't know."

"Now that you successfully derailed our conversation, I'm going to get it back on track. I am worried about you. You were animated when talking about Elizabeth, but otherwise you seem dull and not yourself at all. If you are depressed, you certainly have ample cause with what happened before and now all of this. I wish you hadn't gone to that police station, would have warned you against doing all that, especially now. Have you talked through any of what happened these last couple of days with anyone besides me just now?"

"No," I replied. "Who could I confide in?"

"Oh. Well your counselor for one."

"I don't see her again until Monday."

"Well you'd better talk to her then for sure. Bill, given all this, I really don't think you should try to come over here. It is too much. All this turmoil, in the state you are in, I'd be worried it could break you. It is too much for me and I haven't been through what you have and I am sure the emotional component of it is less because as much as I love G.G., she isn't my sister. Let me keep doing this for her and you both."

"Are you sure, Rick?" I asked. By this time, one tear had escaped and was running down my face. My voice sounded thick with emotion to me, but I was hoping that Rick couldn't hear it.

"I'm sure. I only wish I could be there for you, too, more than just a phone call."

"What you're doing for G.G. is more than enough."

We exchanged our goodbyes then and I managed to get off the phone without crying any further. But once the call had ended, I did cry in earnest. I couldn't really have explained why I was crying, if it was in disappointment over my own lack of capacity to do what I ought, or relief that I didn't need to take on one more thing now, or perhaps it was about reliving my embarrassment with Rick. I just know that it was a good, long cry, and though I felt awful during it, afterwards I think I felt a bit better.