It will hurt later. So what! Let it be!
It's nonsense that a threat looms!
Right now, I fear no one and nothing,
And these are tears of happiness.
I touch the ethereal beauty with my hand,
I do not regret that it's only once.
Let it be just this one time, but today you are mine,
Everything else is simply unimportant.
Today I managed to reach all the stars.
You're giving me wings — I believe.
We taught each other to fly.
And I don't regret anything!
Time continued its swift course.
The moment of truth. The last chance.
Narcissa Black looked into the mirror for the hundredth time. Today, she absolutely disliked how she looked. From the outside, one might think that this beauty was deliberately trying to fish for compliments from her roommates, who were glancing at her with barely concealed envy. It could seem that way… The trouble was, Narcissa paid no attention to the envious looks. She was far more preoccupied with the most important question of her life. Would he like her? She used to be a hundred percent sure that he wouldn't look at anyone but her. But as the fateful moment approached, the sixteen-year-old girl became increasingly anxious.
"Are you coming?" Belinda called out to her.
"Lucius is probably waiting. Enough with the mirror already. Since he decided to marry you, he'll like you in any form. Makes sense?"
Narcissa turned and looked at Belinda, noting to herself that the dark blue suited her. "Makes sense?" There was nothing logical about her engagement to Lucius, and there never would be, although… Perhaps the logic of pureblood families was the only thing present in their relationship. There were certainly no feelings involved.
Narcissa smiled and followed Belinda toward the exit, smoothing down her soft blue robe worn over a weightless dress of the same color. She did look stunning. But she was still nervous. As she descended into the Slytherin common room, she felt her lips tremble. It would be just her luck if Lucius noticed…
Lucius was waiting downstairs. He stood with his back to the staircase, talking to Fred Zabini. Crabbe and Goyle were nearby, shifting their weight. Narcissa took a deep breath and began to descend slowly. Her worries about her appearance were somewhat eased by Fred's reaction. He froze mid-sentence, staring in shock at the blonde nymph coming down. It seemed as if she were floating, her outfit so weightless and light. Fred swallowed hard. His strange behavior caught Lucius's attention. To say Lucius was astonished would be an understatement. He stood frozen, his eyes wide with disbelief, watching the approach of this wonder.
Father was definitely right. Narcissa would make an ideal wife. His pride and calling card. Look how awed Fred was. And this was just the beginning. All their acquaintances would be green with envy. She was his. Only his. And today she had tried to look this way just for him. Lucius allowed no other thought. She wasn't suicidal, was she? Right?
"You look amazing," he said, looking into her eyes. Then he took her hand and pulled her down from the last step.
"Thank you," Narcissa replied quietly, "you too."
She hardly lied. Lucius was undeniably handsome. It just didn't touch her at all.
Lucius looked around the common room and, with the air of a triumphant victor, pressed his lips to hers. Narcissa tensed. She disliked such displays of affection in public. Yet, if it had been someone else... she wouldn't have cared. But now… The kiss was light and weightless, much to the girl's relief.
When the unexpected torture ended, Narcissa scanned the common room and was about to turn toward Fred when suddenly... At the far end of the room, seated in an armchair by the fireplace, was Severus Snape, reading a book. Narcissa's eyes widened. This was the last thing she needed. Wasn't he going to join them?
"Sorry," Narcissa carefully extricated herself from her fiancé's embrace. "Can I go speak to Snape for a minute?"
She looked into Lucius's eyes with such trust that he had no suspicions. When cornered, she knew how to be resourceful.
"Just don't take too long. We need to go soon."
"Yes, yes. I'll be just a second."
Narcissa quickly crossed the common room and appeared before the engrossed young man. He didn't even flinch.
"Severus!" the girl called softly.
He jolted and looked up. Then he froze and exhaled.
"Hi," he mumbled, "you look stunning."
"Thank you," Narcissa smiled.
Snape's simple words pleased her more than Lucius's grand performance.
"Why haven't you changed yet?"
"I don't really want to go," the boy mumbled, confirming her worst fears.
"Don't even think about it," Narcissa hissed.
"But I…" Snape tried vainly to blend into the back of the chair. Narcissa, hands on her hips, loomed over him.
"Darling!" Lucius's voice called. It seemed he was losing patience.
"Coming!" the girl replied with an angelic tone, then immediately hissed at Snape like an angry goose. "You have no right not to go. You have ten minutes. If you don't show up in the hall, I… I… I'll take an advanced course with the Potter company. Got it? You won't be happy sitting in all your classes with me. I…"
"I got it," Snape said hoarsely. "But why do you need it?"
"I really need your help," Narcissa said softly.
And the blind despair that resonated in those simple words convinced him more than all her previous threats. Snape had promised himself for weeks not to even show up in the Great Hall that day. Although his formal robe was waiting for its moment, and everything seemed ready. He had no one to go with. He was needed by no one. He was all alone. It turned out he was needed. By this astonishingly beautiful girl. It didn't matter that it was not at all how he would have liked it. The main thing was that he was needed. Needed! In just a few seconds, his carefully prepared line of behavior crumbled to dust.
Snape nodded.
"Thank you," a genuine smile finally appeared on his handsome face. Narcissa quickly turned and, her heels clicking, headed back to Lucius.
The Great Hall was crowded and noisy. Pleasant music played, candles flickered. Beautiful, joyful? No. Nothing made Narcissa happy. With a racing heart, she scanned the hall. Damn. Everyone was in fancy robes, with elaborate hairstyles. She didn't recognize anyone.
When Lucius pulled her to dance, the girl did not resist. She obediently placed her hands on his shoulders and let him lead her around the hall. Lucius danced splendidly. I wonder if there's anything he does poorly? Everything was perfectly planned, all so lifeless. Narcissa didn't even think about the fact that this was her first dance with her future husband. She was too preoccupied. She was diligently searching for him in the mismatched crowd of students.
Evans. Could it be Evans? She wouldn't have recognized her. Naturally, with Potter. Narcissa looked around. Sirius was nowhere to be found. What was going on! She felt Lucius's shoulders tense beneath her palms. Narcissa cautiously glanced back and saw the reason…
Lucius Malfoy naturally could not tolerate such behavior from his fiancée. While dancing with him, she should only be thinking of him. She should always think only of him and not be glancing around as if searching for someone. He would certainly put her in her place. The only problem was that Lucius didn't see any of this because he himself was actively doing the same. He was tensely scanning the room in search of… Her heart stopped, and her whole body tensed with the desire to embrace… to hold… to kill. The last referred not to her but to that little shrimp she was smiling at right now. He's good? A Gryffindor can't be good. "A good Gryffindor is a dead Gryffindor!" Lucius thought angrily, although he wasn't particularly bloodthirsty by nature.
Why was he dancing with her? How could she smile at him? A year ago, at the Christmas ball, she had laughed so happily.
Her remarkable dimple on the left cheek shone only for him. And then Lucius, shyly and desperately afraid of rejection, had asked her to take a walk. They had quietly made their way to his room. He had planned everything perfectly. Frida had figured out his scheme but hadn't been angry at all. On the contrary. She had laughed merrily at his cunning plan and then asked:
"Why didn't you just invite me over?"
"I was afraid!" he had answered honestly.
"Lucius Malfoy is capable of such?"
Instead of answering, he kissed her. That was when they had first been together.
Lucius closed his eyes, recalling his feelings at that moment. He had never felt that way with any girl. His heart was racing desperately, his hands trembling, his phrases awkward. Later, he would realize that it could be described with the simple word "happiness." Only he realized it too late.
The dance ended. Lucius, as if in a fog, escorted Narcissa to the corner where her friends were gathered. She asked him something; he replied. His heart desperately longed for the place where that amazing dimple on her left cheek sparkled.
Understanding with great difficulty what he was about to do, Lucius Malfoy headed toward the opposite end of the hall. Lupin had already disappeared somewhere, and Frida stood surrounded by her Ravenclaw friends. They were cheerfully chatting about something. With his approach, the merriment vanished. Frida noticed him and stopped smiling.
"I think we'll be going," the red-haired girl said.
Her friends dispersed in different directions. Frida remained standing. Was that encouraging? No. It became even scarier. He didn't know what he could say. His thoughts were tangled, leaving only the desire to stand and look, to look at her until the end of his days. Because life without her had become unbearable.
"Hi," Frida's voice broke the silence.
Lucius simply nodded. He wasn't sure of his voice. He looked around. It so happened that they were left alone in this corner of the hall. Everyone else was dancing in pairs. Lucius couldn't invite Frida. Damn etiquette! Damn prejudices! Damn traditions! He looked into her eyes and thought that in a minute, that damn Lupin might show up here. What then? Start a fight? Shame the family? Leave? Funny, but Lucius could do neither of those things, especially leave without her. And suddenly words flowed from him uncontrollably, against his will. They bumped into each other, collided, stumbled. But all this confusion came from a heart that was not supposed to exist in the Malfoy family, yet here it was in Lucius. Apparently, by oversight.
"Frida. I… don't know. I can't… It turned out to be much harder than I thought. I can't sleep either. Every night I go crazy because I can't open your door. I'm tired. I don't know what to do. And tomorrow… Tomorrow the end of the world will come, and I won't be able to see your smile before that. I can't take it anymore. I…"
Frida covered his lips with her palm, making him shudder and tear his gaze away from his shoes, to which he had been speaking. Her eyes, the color of hope, were so close. So close. They glimmered suspiciously. And there was something inexplicable in them.
"Be quiet," Frida said softly and took his hand, leading him toward a side exit from the hall. Lucius dazedly allowed himself to be led away. His mind refused to comprehend what was happening. But more than anything in the world, he wanted to surrender to the victor. After all, he had lost this battle against his foolish heart. He felt weak and helpless. Her warm hand confidently pulled him along.
"It's locked," Frida announced, glancing back. "Shall we leave through the main exit?"
He nodded.
"Only, I think you should warn Narcissa," she said firmly, "because searching will attract unwanted attention."
Lucius nodded again.
"Go out first and wait for me in the 'corridor with the stag.'"
She released his hand and took a step aside.
"Promise you'll come!" He grabbed her hand.
In response, Frida smiled. He understood that she wouldn't let him down today. Today was the moment of truth. The last chance.
He quickly crossed the hall and found Narcissa in the same corner where he had left her an eternity ago. She was talking about something with… Severus Snape. Now that was news. How did he end up at the ball? He hadn't planned to come until yesterday. But… never mind.
"Narcissa," Lucius touched her shoulder.
The girl jumped in surprise and turned around.
If Lucius had been in a different mood, he would have definitely noticed. But right now… Even if she had a giant pumpkin instead of a head, he would have taken it for advanced makeup. He saw nothing before him.
"I'm not feeling well. I'll go lie down. You don't have to stay with me. Stay here."
He spoke quickly because he wanted to vanish from this hated hall as soon as possible.
"Okay," Narcissa said calmly.
"Severus, keep an eye on her so no one bothers her," Lucius addressed the sixth-year student.
As if he hadn't accused him a few days ago of spending too much time with his fiancée. Now Lucius was ready to leave Narcissa in the care of anyone. Even Sirius Black. Well, except for Sirius Black.
Lucius turned and quickly exited the hall, colliding with Fred Zabini at the door. If he hadn't been in such a hurry, he would have definitely apologized to Fred.
Fred watched Lucius with a strange look. He didn't like what was happening around them at all. The young man stepped into the corridor and leaned against the wall. Sure enough, a few minutes later, Frida slipped out of the main hall. The young man grabbed his sister's hand and pulled her against the wall.
"Where do you think you're going?" he demanded.
He had never found it easy to speak sternly to her. But something terrible could happen. He felt it.
"Fred, darling," Frida whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, "don't stop me. Please! You won't be able to anyway! I can't live without him."
"Frida," her brother groaned, running a hand through her thick hair, "what are you doing? Tomorrow he…"
Frida suddenly pulled back, pressed her palm against his mouth, and feverishly said:
"I know everything. I understand everything. So what if it's tomorrow? You can scold me or pity me then. I don't know. I'm almost certain I'll die tomorrow. But that's tomorrow. And tomorrow is so far away. There's today. Don't hold me back. Just this once."
She darted forward and kissed him on the cheek. Fred pulled her tightly to him:
"You're crazy! Crazy!"
"I know," she whispered and, pulling back sharply, asked, "Wish me luck."
And without waiting for a response, she dashed into the adjacent corridor.
Fred ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't stop her. But how hard it was to watch his own sister, the closest person to him, recklessly throw herself into hell while Lucius Malfoy obligingly opened the gates for her. Fred had never understood his sister's attachment. He tried to accept it, but even that was difficult. She was such an extraordinary person. Lucius didn't deserve her. No one in the world deserved her. Fred remembered Narcissa, and his heart sank. She was left alone. A chance? It hadn't worked out a year ago. Maybe now? He still hadn't given up hope of winning over that girl. She was almost a fiancée. So what? Life sometimes gives a chance.
Lucius Malfoy had been standing in the "corridor with the stag" for several minutes. The students called it that. On the wall of this corridor, which led to the Slytherin dungeons, hung a tapestry. A strange tapestry. Unlike all the others in Hogwarts, the scene depicted on it was motionless. Several centuries ago, six hunting dogs had frozen before their final leap. The last leap for a stag, which had desperately looked back at its pursuers for centuries. Lucius had always favored the dogs. Deep down, he felt more like a hunter than prey. Yet now, for some reason, he noticed for the first time the hunted, desperate gaze of the proud creature that had realized its fate was inevitable. Lucius suddenly wanted to help, to save the beautiful beast. It was a strange desire. And then he realized that someone had already made that decision centuries ago and forced six snarling harbingers of death to freeze forever. And as long as their last leap was impossible, the proud animal still had a chance. A last chance.
A cool palm slipped into his hand. Lucius turned sharply. She had come. She was here! A happy smile, a feverish glint in her eyes. In that moment, he understood that he would give his life for a brief moment of happiness. He stood and gazed at the green-eyed wonder until she whispered:
"Shall we go?"
The young man smiled and nodded.
"Let's go."
Holding hands, they tiptoed their way to the entrance of the common room and stopped, looking at each other.
"And how do we get in?" Frida asked with a smile.
"I can make you invisible for about five minutes."
"Ooh! Lucius Malfoy is full of surprises," the girl raised an eyebrow playfully.
"Does that mean you agree?" the young man raised an eyebrow too.
"Go ahead. Test it."
"Don't worry. I've done this before."
"Spying on girls?"
"Borrowing ingredients from Zemus."
Frida widened her eyes in feigned horror. Lucius pointed his wand at her and whispered the spell. The astonished face vanished. For a moment, panic gripped Lucius. He couldn't see her. What if she got scared and left? What if… Cool fingers brushed against his palm, and his fear receded. Lucius smiled into the emptiness and named the password.
"Oh! Now I know the password to the Slytherin common room," a cheerful voice whispered from the void, "I can sneak in at night and smear toothpaste on Slytherins."
"Just one Slytherin, please. The others don't need it at night."
He said it and feared he had shattered the moment. But no. A response followed immediately:
"I hope you're not suggesting Crabbe as a test subject?" Frida joked. She didn't want to think seriously about the future. Thinking seriously was too frightening.
"No, I'll show you where Fred's bed is, out of friendship," Lucius bantered back.
The girl smirked.
Precautions turned out to be wise. In the common room, Crabbe and Davis were quietly drinking. For what reason, Lucius didn't know. And he didn't particularly care.
"Hey! Come join us," Davis offered with a slurred voice.
Lucius shook his head as he made his way up the stairs to his room.
"Thanks. I'll pass. I'm off to bed."
"So early and alone?"
Lucius tensed, but hearing Frida's chuckle, he replied:
"I'm getting old."
He named the password to his room and let the still-invisible Frida go ahead. Then he entered himself and stopped. He had no idea what to do next. He knew what he wanted more than anything in the world, but again, just like a year ago, during that first time, he was struck by an inexplicable shyness. Frida's invisibility didn't add to his confidence. Lucius looked around.
"Casting that spell was a bad idea. I feel like an idiot."
"How about this?" A warm whisper brushed his neck. The young man froze and barely managed to say:
"This is better."
Frida's invisible hands pressed against his chest, and invisible lips kissed the nape of his neck.
"I want to see you," he whispered hoarsely, covering her hands with his.
"Not so fast."
Her hands skillfully slipped away and began to unbutton his robe. One button, two, three. After what felt like an eternity, the robe fell to the floor, and her invisible fingers reached for the buttons of his shirt.
"Frida," Lucius exhaled as one of her palms slipped under the fabric and grazed the taut muscles of his chest, "what are you doing?"
The hair on the back of his neck stirred with her breath as she laughed.
"You are at my mercy, Lucius Edgar Malfoy!" the girl declared solemnly. "I can do anything I want with you."
"And I wouldn't even think of objecting," Lucius said, closing his eyes.
What was the point of keeping them open? He couldn't see her anyway; he could only feel her. Frida unbuttoned his shirt and stepped back.
Lucius turned around.
"I want to see you," he said longingly. "I want to know that it's really you."
"It's me," her voice assured, and familiar features began to emerge from the void.
How he had waited for this moment. Lucius stepped forward and touched her cheek. Her skin was so soft and inviting that he realized with familiar astonishment that he was losing his head again. It had always been this way with her and never with anyone else. Lucius pulled her to him and finally kissed her. He put so much into that kiss.… It was just that the moment he touched her lips, it became clear: he had not lived these six months. Two summer months and four scary months at school. He didn't live. Because it's just impossible to live without these lips. Her hands frantically stroked his back and shoulders. His hands struggled desperately with the clasps of her elegant robes, and then her dress. When the soft green cloth fell to the floor and Frieda took a step back, disentangling herself from it, Lucius habitually squeezed his eyes shut. It always seemed to him that he was blinded by the beauty of her body. But the young man forced himself to open his eyes and look at her. It was the last time.… Lucius stepped forward and pulled her to him, hugging her, protecting her, desperately not wanting to part.
Yes. Tomorrow cannot fail to come, but it can wait.
Fred Zabini strode decisively toward the Great Hall. Life was giving him a chance, and he was determined to seize it. The young man looked around. Narcissa Black stood slightly aside from the door, arguing about something with Snape. It was a shame she wasn't alone, but Snape could be easily dealt with.
"Hi," Fred smiled as he approached the pair.
"Hi," they replied in unison.
Their responses were suspiciously tense. Fred shot a measuring glance at Snape. No! She couldn't seriously be with him…
"Shall we dance?" he suggested to the girl.
Narcissa looked a bit taken aback, but then Snape interjected.
"Sorry, Fred, but Lucius assigned me to his fiancée and, under threat of death, forbade anyone from taking her away. So, alas…"
Fred turned to Narcissa. She shrugged playfully in response.
"He's not lying. Sorry. Maybe next time, with the permission of her future husband."
"Great. I'll be looking forward to that next time. I'll remember."
With those words, Fred extended his hand. Narcissa offered hers. Lightly brushing her delicate hand with his lips, Fred was startled by how cold it was. He shot another glance at Snape but then decided to be a gentleman to the end and extended his hand to the sixth-year. Both understood that Fred was keeping him in mind. Severus shook his hand firmly in return.
"Watch out. Otherwise, someone might snatch such a beauty away."
"They won't, don't worry."
Fred nodded at Narcissa once more and left. He wandered from one corridor to another, thinking about how life offers chances, but somehow not to him. The young man turned and headed toward the castle exit. It didn't matter that he wasn't wearing a warm robe. He suddenly felt the urge to take a walk under the starry sky. A blizzard. The stars were not visible. But somewhere up there, they existed. They simply had to exist. The young man believed that. It didn't matter that tomorrow he might discover he had pneumonia. Today, he slowly walked along the quickly snow-covered path and tried not to think about anything. Not about Frida, who would surely go insane tomorrow. Not about Narcissa, who… No, better not to think about her at all.
"Well, speak up," finally snapped the dark-haired young man in a black robe, looking at the girl across from him.
"About what?" Narcissa Black feigned surprise.
"I've known you long enough. You want to say something."
"Yeah," the girl nodded and glanced at the dancing pairs, "I want to ask you…"
"I don't know how to dance," Snape interjected.
Narcissa's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and she nervously smiled.
"Don't worry, I won't put you through such trials. I need… I need to deliver a note to someone," the girl blurted out in one breath.
Something in her tone made Snape think about the recipient. After a couple of seconds, all the pieces of the puzzle came together, and Snape gasped.
"Are you out of your mind? Don't even think about it. I'm not going to be the postman for Sirius Black."
"Shh," Narcissa tightly grabbed his sleeve and looked around fearfully. "Severus, just this once. Please."
"No!" the boy protested. "You might as well suggest inviting him to dance. I'm certainly willing to do a lot for you, but there's a limit, Narcissa."
"He won't eat you."
"Yeah, you're right. He probably won't eat me, but I can hope for some interesting entertainment for the rest of the evening."
The girl lowered her head and whispered softly:
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Choose your circle of friends better!"
"If only it were that simple, Severus."
Snape looked at her bowed head and fell silent. He remembered the beautiful eleven-year-old girl who had, despite all the mockery, sat next to him in Potions class. Back then, he hadn't been able to utter a word out of embarrassment. He couldn't understand why she had done that. He was worried that they would mock her too. But one fine day, she simply pulled out her wand and cast a spell on James Potter, who had said something inappropriate toward their table. Few first-years knew the spell for the everlasting dance. Potter began to dance awkwardly, and Narcissa was given a detention. That day, Snape saw her in a new light. The skinny girl, resembling a porcelain doll, proved capable of decisive actions. Since then, people had been afraid to touch her. They didn't bother him much in her presence either. For six years, she had been his friend. His only friend. He genuinely loved her. Not the same way he loved that one... but still. Narcissa had always helped him, and he…
"Give me your ridiculous note."
The girl raised her head and looked at him hopefully.
"Are you really going to do it?"
"Do I have a choice?" Snape muttered.
"Narcissa, darling! How I adore you!"
With that confession, Narcissa jumped in place and barely stopped herself from throwing her arms around his neck. Snape blushed as he always did. He was always taken aback by her impulsiveness. The reserved Narcissa was the norm. But sometimes she did things that made him wonder how so many conflicting feelings and emotions could fit within her.
Digging in the pocket of her elegant robe, the girl pulled out the note and extended it to the young man. Snape took the parchment carefully and said:
"Why do I feel like we're walking on a knife's edge?"
"Because that's exactly what it is," Narcissa reassured him. "All right, I'm off. Thank you."
She turned toward the exit, but Snape grabbed her by the sleeve.
"Wait! Where do you think you're running off to?"
"To him…" Narcissa whispered.
"Stop! Are you out of your mind?! What if Lucius comes back?! Do you even realize?"
He pulled the girl closer and whispered in her ear.
"Should I just tell Lucius that you ran off on a date with Sirius Black?"
Narcissa stepped back and casually replied:
"Say whatever you want."
"Meaning… what does that mean?"
"Narcissa, darling, I really don't care. You can tell the truth or make something up. I've made up my mind."
With those words, Narcissa Black fluttered out of the Great Hall, leaving Severus Snape to burn with the desire to strangle someone. Preferably the culprit of this whole mess, namely Black. The young man scanned the hall for the despised Gryffindor. He had no idea how to carry out his mission.
"Black, I have a note for you." Yeah, right. Black would take the note from his lifeless corpse. For sure.
Severus Snape sighed resignedly and slowly made his way toward the spot where he had last seen the honest company. All his muscles tensed in anticipation of some mischief.
"Well, Narcissa, you owe me for this. You've done me a solid. Damn it."
Severus stopped a few steps from his gallows and exhaled. Great Merlin had been gracious to him today. At the table where Gryffindors had been raucously celebrating just half an hour ago, there was a gloomy silence. The main driving force was completely absent, and the remaining individuals seemed to be in a state suspiciously resembling depression. Lily Evans, resting her chin on her fists, sat half-turned toward Snape, leisurely sipping a dark brown drink from a tall glass. From time to time, she glanced at the young man sitting opposite her. That young man was none other than Remus Lupin. Lupin leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs into the aisle between the tables. With his left hand, he continuously twirled a straw in his glass. Apparently, this activity was highly engrossing for him. In any case, his focused gaze was glued to the high glass.
"I would have been dizzy by now," Snape thought weakly. A wave of relief washed over him from not having to confront Potter and Black. Snape shifted his gaze from the oblivious Lupin to the focused Lily, and his heart raced. How many times had he seen those red curls, that soft gaze in his dreams? The reclusive Severus Snape, whose only friend was Narcissa Black, had quietly and methodically been going crazy over the girl who was the fiercest enemy of his heart. Life had treated Snape interestingly. Besides Narcissa, only Lily had shown him any semblance of sympathy. Pride wouldn't let him call it pity. Yes, imagine that! Severus Snape had pride. And the more his classmates humiliated him, the sharper his desire to achieve something in life, to get back, to take revenge became. The day would come when they would all pay. Potter. Black. For everything. Above all for the fact that the people closest to him had chosen them. Snape would never forget that.
Lily slowly turned her head and looked at him in surprise. He never approached her just like that. The girl froze in anticipation.
"Evans?" Snape blurted out.
Why could he never say anything normal to her? Why had he never called her by her name? Why did he always say nasty things? Because he would rather die than let anyone guess his feelings. The whole of Hogwarts was convinced that Snape was in love with Narcissa. So what? That wasn't so terrible. Narcissa was his friend. It was much scarier to let someone discover his innermost secret and see the contempt in those amazing eyes the color of Hope.
"Snape?" Lily mimicked his "greeting" tone and raised an eyebrow.
Lupin snapped out of his contemplation of the tsunami in his glass and looked up. His eyes expressed nothing but the usual weariness, but Snape noted that the Gryffindor had straightened slightly and casually bent his knees. Just in case he needed to spring up from his chair quickly.
"Worried about her," Snape thought with a smirk. "The defender has emerged. He looks as if he's just buried his entire family. And yet, a hero, indeed."
"Are you going to say anything, or are you just going to stand there?" Lily decided to clarify.
Snape shifted his gaze to her. His heart jumped again, as it always did. But his voice remained steady as he said:
"I need to deliver a note."
"You wrote me a note?"
Even Lupin sat up straighter in his chair.
"It's not for you; it's for Black," Severus said completely calmly, despite his desperately pounding heart.
If life had taught him anything over the past sixteen years, it was to keep himself in check. No one could ever say with certainty what this reclusive boy was thinking.
"You wrote a note to Sirius?" Lily asked again.
Lupin, who had just remembered that the drink in his glass was not just for creating whirlpools, choked on the liquid and began to cough desperately, trying not to spit it out. For a while, Snape and Lily watched his struggles. Finally, the flushed Lupin regained his composure and stared at Snape.
"This note isn't from me," Snape said just as calmly.
Lupin's gaze became overly attentive, and Lily asked:
"Why did you bring it? Strange choice."
"This note is from my friend, and I want to ask you to make sure it gets delivered."
"Is it that important to you?"
"Yes."
Snape extended a piece of parchment toward the girl.
"All right, Severus. I'll pass it on," Lily's gaze took on a strange expression. Lupin watched the parchment's journey from one pair of hands to another and looked at Lily.
"Thank you," Snape said and quickly headed toward the entrance.
"Severus" — she had called him by name for the fourth time in six years. The young man smiled. Life was beautiful. Mission accomplished. And it was done without casualties. He had spoken to her. Snape reached the first available windowsill in the corridor and climbed onto it, gazing into the darkness outside. Life was beautiful. Maybe someday it would treat him well too. He would wait. He knew how to wait.
"Lily, you're going to give the note to Sirius, right?" Remus Lupin emerged from his depressive state and became concerned about the fate of the unfortunate piece of parchment.
"Would you give it if you were in my place?"
Lily looked at the note and tried to put it in her pocket. Remus Lupin had never played Quidditch, but his reflexes turned out to be impressive. In a lightning-fast movement, he intercepted the girl's wrist halfway to her intended goal and looked her in the eyes over the table separating them.
"Lily! You don't have the right to decide for them!"
"Do you want Sirius to suffer again? Remember him every time after meeting her? If you're so heartless, I can't just stand by and watch."
"Lily," the young man stubbornly repeated. "You don't have the right to interfere in their lives. Let them sort it out on their own. They can handle it."
"A counselor on other people's lives!" Lily exclaimed irritably. "Everything is smooth and beautiful for you. Decided to give advice to others?!"
The grip on her wrist tightened, making her wince.
"Low blow," Lupin stated in a dull voice.
The girl raised her head and looked into his eyes. How could she say something like that?
"Oh, Rem. I'm sorry," she covered his hand with her other hand and began to stroke it. "I didn't mean it like that. I didn't want to hurt you, I'm sorry. Please, Rem."
The pain-filled gray-green eyes made the girl feel like the worst scoundrel.
"Rem," she whispered barely audibly. "Please don't be silent, okay?"
After a brief pause, he nodded.
"You're right. I'm not very competent to give advice in such matters, but no one has the right to deny people a last chance to talk."
"If I were sure they would just talk…"
"Lily," Lupin covered her hand with his, creating a peculiar pyramid, "but this concerns only the two of them. Right?"
"Re-e-e-em," the girl moaned pleadingly.
Arguing with Lupin was always difficult. Because in his weary gaze, there sometimes flickered an ancient wisdom. Life had dealt harshly with him, forcing him to grow up quickly.
"Didn't get it?" a voice said over their shoulder, causing both to jump. "What's going on?"
James Potter looked meaningfully at their entwined hands.
"We're arguing," Lily announced.
Lupin immediately let go of her hands and raised his palms in surrender.
"In my defense, I can only say that I had no dark thoughts."
James gave him a mockingly threatening look and turned to Lily.
"What were you arguing about?"
The girl cast a quick glance at Lupin and immediately replied:
"Nothing."
"Lily has a note for Sirius. She doesn't think it's necessary to give it to him," Lupin said without hesitation, earning a deadly glare.
"Why don't you want to give it?"
"Thanks, Rem, you can always count on you," she shifted her gaze to the other young man and replied. "Because this note is from Malfoy's fiancée, who will kill Sirius if she finds out anything."
"Let Sirius decide for himself," James leaned over Lily, resting his hands on the table, "okay?"
"What am I supposed to decide?" a voice rang out above the disputants, making everyone jump. Lily automatically shoved the note into her pocket.
"Lily has a letter for you," James replied, not taking his eyes off the girl.
"Are we now pen pals?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. "You could have warned me earlier. I didn't bring anything to write with."
Lily did not react to his joking tone. Shooting an angry glare at Potter and Lupin, she took out the note and silently handed it to Sirius. The young man was surprised by his friends' behavior.
"Hey, whose letter is it?" he asked, looking at everyone in turn.
"Snape brought it," Lily said venomously.
Sirius immediately grabbed the note between two fingers with a look of disgust.
"You've got to be kidding, taking that! He could have put any curse on it. And what were you watching?"
"I just got here five minutes ago," James said defensively.
"This note is from Narcissa," Lupin said quietly.
Sirius immediately grabbed the parchment with both hands and hurriedly unfolded it. Everyone stared at him impatiently. The young man suspiciously took a long time reading just a few lines.
"I'm waiting for you in the western corridor by the portrait of Vlastimira Verna.
I."
Sirius kept reading those few words, brushing his bothersome bangs out of his eyes from time to time. Finally, he looked up and met Lily's gaze.
"Thanks for delivering this."
"Anytime. Are you going to go?"
"Did you read it?"
"Sirius, I'm not five years old. Naturally, on the last day before the engagement, she invites you on a date."
Sirius grimaced slightly at her words. James walked around him and stood next to Lily.
"Love, let me invite you to dance," he said, pulling the girl toward him without any preamble. There was no invitation in his tone at all.
Lily glanced at Sirius and allowed James to whisk her away. Sirius and Lupin watched them go. This couple clearly had a good chance of winning the prize for the most emotional dance. So much passion and energy. If only it could be used for peaceful purposes.
Sirius averted his gaze from Lily and James and fixed his stare on Lupin.
"What do you say?"
"I've already said all I could."
"Yeah, very articulate last time," Sirius sighed and reread the note. "What am I supposed to do?"
"And what do you want?"
"Do you think you don't know?"
"Sirius, I can say it's too dangerous, but that won't stop you. I can say that her engagement is tomorrow, but that won't stop you either. I'll say: don't do anything foolish. Malfoy is a dangerous man—don't put the girl at risk. She doesn't deserve that. Since you're going to go anyway, talk to her, support her. Just don't do anything stupid. Think about what this could mean for her."
Sirius bit his lip and, after a moment's pause, nodded.
"I'll just talk. That's all. Just talk. I promise."
He turned to leave.
"Wait," Lupin pulled the Marauder's Map from his pocket. "Here. You'll need it."
Sirius smiled gratefully and looked at the map. It was in working condition. The young man's eyes began to dart around in search of…
"The Slytherin common room," the perceptive Lupin suggested.
The point marked "Lucius Malfoy" was located in the head boy's room in Slytherin along with… Sirius looked up at Lupin in shock.
"This is…"
Lupin simply nodded.
"Fate," he remarked philosophically, trying to hide the despair in his voice.
"Sorry," Sirius mumbled.
He felt ashamed in front of his friend.
"I would have considered your request if your last name had been written instead of 'Malfoy.' As it is, what do you have to apologize for?"
"Thanks for helping."
Sirius extended his hand. Lupin shook it firmly. The young man quickly turned and almost ran out of the Great Hall. Three pairs of eyes followed his departure. It was uncertain whether Lily and James had come to an agreement, but there was genuine concern in their gazes. As for Lupin… He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he was desperately envious. Yes, tomorrow Sirius would be in a position to stride from the Astronomy Tower; his whole world would explode and collapse. But tomorrow still felt so far away. There was today. Remus Lupin sighed. He would have given a lot for such a day.
Sirius Black turned into the sought-after corridor with a racing heart. There she was. His heart leaped, skipping a couple of beats, and then raced ahead.
Narcissa Black stood by the wall. Upon seeing Sirius, she took an uncertain step toward him.
"Hi," she said, taking a slight breath as she desperately searched his face for something.
Sirius barely managed to respond:
"Hi!"
She was so beautiful. It was simply impossible. How could one live without her? How could he give her to someone else? Sirius just stood there, staring, unable to utter a word. He soaked in every detail of her being.
"Did Snape give you the note?"
"Yeah, I mean not exactly. He gave it to Lily."
"She gave it to you?" Narcissa said in surprise. "Thank her for me."
"Sure."
Footsteps echoed from the adjacent corridor. Narcissa jumped and looked around frantically. Before Sirius could think, he had already grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her toward the room that was located just in this corridor. This corridor was visited less frequently than others, which was why Narcissa had chosen it for their meeting. But Sirius knew something else about this place. Between two small paintings was a door. It was inconspicuous at first glance. This door had saved desperate boys from inevitable expulsion from school more than once. Sirius pulled Narcissa inside and closed the door, listening for sounds from the corridor. Behind him, Narcissa gasped in astonishment.
"What is this room?"
Sirius did not rush to turn around. He couldn't bring himself to initiate a neutral conversation. Everything was too…
"This room appears when someone really needs it."
"And how often did you… need it?"
Something in the girl's voice made the young man look back. He stumbled over his prepared answer and froze. The small room was lit with numerous candles, casting misleading shadows on the walls and ceiling. To the right, a fire crackled softly in the fireplace. But what scared the young man the most was the large, soft blanket spread out in front of the fireplace. A mockery of fate. As if something or someone had deliberately prepared this room for the meeting of two loving hearts.
"Someone? Of course, it's just your imagination," his inner voice sneered.
The young man swallowed nervously and looked at Narcissa.
"Last time it was a broom cupboard. I was hiding in there from the caretaker," he said hoarsely, realizing that the excuse sounded foolish, but he added anyway, "True."
Narcissa smirked:
"Okay, we'll take that as a working option. Why isn't it a broom cupboard today?"
"Probably because we wanted it to be this way," Sirius said, taking a deep breath.
Narcissa smiled strangely.
"What did you think about when you got the note?"
Sirius finally released her wrist and took a step to the side.
"I thought that I shouldn't come."
"But you did."
"As you can see. We really need to talk."
The girl nodded and walked deeper into the room, stopping in front of the fireplace. A blonde nymph in the glow of dozens of candles. Sirius realized that he would never forget this picture.
"What did you want to talk about?" Narcissa asked calmly, looking into the fireplace.
"I don't know. I…" The young man fell silent.
What could he say? As he walked here, a whole coherent and passionate speech had formed in his head. A confession of love, pleadings, requests. But looking at her, he remembered tomorrow. He had no right to give in to a momentary impulse. Everything was decided. He had no right to torment her soul.
"I prepared a gift for you," Narcissa suddenly said, turning to him.
She pulled something from the pocket of her dress robe. Sirius stepped forward, as if afraid to get too close.
"This is a diary," Narcissa explained. "I found it among old things in my estate. The diary of Phamus Black. Can you imagine, his name went down in the History of Magic, and yet so little is known about him. He became great. And here it describes how his journey began. He's a bit like you. Just as amusing. Here, take it."
Narcissa handed him a small book that was about eight centuries old. Sirius carefully took the gift and looked at the cover. Time had not spared the ornate inscription, erasing it with its harsh hand. Sirius opened the first page. 1203. "He was amusing, and he became great." Only she could give such a summary of what had been read. He would definitely read this nearly eight-hundred-year-old wisdom. And he would be great. Because that was what she wanted.
"I have a gift for you too," the young man said carefully, placing the book on a small coffee table. He pulled a small flat package from his pocket and extended it to the girl.
Narcissa smiled and immediately began to unwrap it. Then her hands froze, and she asked:
"Can I?"
"Of course. It's yours."
Sirius watched her quick and deft movements with a smile. He always loved giving her gifts. She instantly turned into a little girl from a Christmas postcard. There was so much sincerity and warmth in her. Narcissa unwrapped the package and gasped. In her hands was a small moving photograph.
She stood by the lake, smiling happily as she made funny faces for the camera.
How happy she had been that day, despite everything.
It felt like a lifetime had passed since that carefree day. The girl was filled with boundless tenderness for the author of that simple snapshot. She raised her eyes to Sirius and whispered:
"Thank you."
The young man shrugged shyly. Narcissa stepped closer and carefully placed the moving photograph next to the diary of her distant ancestor, then turned to Sirius and looked into his eyes.
The young man froze. Something in her gaze was unsettling. Some desperate determination.
"Narcissa," Sirius said hoarsely.
Instead of answering, the girl took a step forward. Sirius shook his head and firmly said:
"No! Don't even think about it. Merlin forbid, if Lucius finds out we were just meeting…"
Narcissa touched his cheek with her fingertips, and all eloquence evaporated in an instant.
"Please," Sirius pleaded desperately.
Narcissa grasped his unbuttoned robe and with one motion shrugged it off his shoulders.
"Narcissa!" Sirius exclaimed in shock. "Are you not listening to me at all?"
"Nope!" the girl replied cheerfully and grabbed the button of his shirt.
Sirius froze. He understood that he should stop her. He had no right to put her in danger. But what could he do? Her trembling fingers undid button after button. And he desperately wanted to kiss those focused lips. Sirius exhaled sharply as her hands forcefully pulled the already unfastened shirt out of his pants.
"Do you realize what you're doing?" he made one last desperate attempt.
Narcissa nodded. Calmly and confidently, she raised her shining eyes to him. Sirius caught her hand and, closing his eyes, pressed his lips to her cold palm. Narcissa lowered her gaze and saw fresh scars on his left shoulder.
"What's this?" she touched the largest pink stripe on his tanned skin with fear.
"It's nothing," Sirius replied barely audibly.
He no longer focused on the words. His mind was far away. Narcissa leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against the marks. Sirius froze and tensed like a string. The girl began to cover the ugly stripes with soft, gentle kisses, causing shivers to run through his beloved body with each touch.
"Narcissa," the young man rasped.
The girl lifted her face and met his beloved gaze.
"I've waited for this for sixteen years, can you imagine?" Narcissa said with a smile.
Sirius looked at her lips and, leaning forward, pressed against them with his own. His kiss was tender yet stubborn. He wanted to prove to the whole world that she was his. His heart raced desperately in his ears, air was scarce, but he only held his treasure, his celestial wonder, his greatest jewel closer. He broke the kiss and whispered against her lips:
"I love you. I love you so much."
Narcissa closed her eyes and kissed him with all the passion and tenderness that had been building in her heart for sixteen years. Unconsciously, instinctively, but it was this moment and these words she had waited for her entire life. Tears streamed from her tightly closed eyelids: hot, salty. Sirius pulled away and looked into her beloved eyes with concern:
"What?" he asked desperately.
Narcissa shook her head and whispered:
"I always knew it. I always knew that you would be my first man."
The meaning of her words slowly reached his hazy consciousness. But it still reached him. Sirius abruptly released Narcissa from his embrace and took a step back.
"But you're with Malfoy. You… Four months. He…"
Narcissa laughed.
"Believe it or not—no. I want to belong to you," she added in a remarkably serious tone.
Sirius felt like he would be torn apart. The wild delight of being the only one, the beloved, the first, collided with the wall of common sense. If that's the case, Lucius would definitely find out. What would he do to her?
"Narcissa, I can't. Do you hear? You shouldn't. We shouldn't…"
The girl took two steps back, and the young man's heart shattered. He had done everything right. He was saving her. She would leave now. Everything was as it should be. Yet, for some reason, he felt like dying without moving. He looked at her in despair.
Narcissa suddenly smiled and raised her hands to his neck. A couple of seconds later, the intricate lacing of her formal robe was undone, and the robe rustled gently as it fell to the floor. Sirius swallowed. Under the robe, Narcissa wore a light, weightless dress of soft blue.
"I will still be yours," the girl said confidently and stepped closer.
"I'm yours," she whispered against his lips.
"Say that one more time, and I'll go crazy," Sirius quietly promised.
Narcissa smiled happily and placed her cool hands on his bare shoulders.
"You're so warm," she gently kissed his neck.
Sirius shivered. The remnants of common sense waved goodbye and disappeared in an unknown direction. He embraced her impulsively and, with trembling fingers, began to struggle with the numerous fastenings on her back. Panic gripped him. He had imagined this moment so many times. He had experience, so he felt proud that he could surprise her, give her unforgettable moments. But when it came down to it, he couldn't manage his own trembling hands. He had never been this nervous. A real man, indeed. Sirius leaned back slightly and, kissing her hair, called out:
"Narcissa…"
Her warm lips left his shoulder, and it felt cold and empty, but he simply had to see her eyes. What he saw chased away all doubts and uncertainty. She wasn't lying. She had truly waited for this for a long time. For him, just as he was. She didn't need his experience or pretentious skills at all.
"I love you," she simply said.
Three simple words, but Sirius soared to the heavens, and for a moment, leaving the fastenings behind, he embraced her tightly.
"Are you afraid?"
"Honestly—no. It's you."
But in her gaze, there was, of course, fear. It was just that all of Narcissa's thoughts were focused on keeping Sirius from leaving. Then she was resolute, insistent. But now he had stayed, and she had turned into just a young girl who had decided to take the most important step.
"Don't be afraid," he whispered softly and repeated her words. "It's me."
The fastenings came undone by themselves, and the dress slipped away. Sirius gasped. From tenderness, from love, from injustice.
Yes. Tomorrow cannot fail to come, but it can wait.