WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

241. Chapter 241

Sentiment Born of Love

UlisaBarbic

Summary:

AU where Goku returns after Cell, after much prompting from his son. He now gets to hear the great news from ChiChi-they have another child on the way! But for Gohan, as much as he tries, he cannot feel as excited as his parents. After all, when you've been the center of your parents' world for 10 years, it's hard to surrender it.

Notes:

(See the end of the work fornotes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

"…What?"

ChiChi's grin was huge as even Goku stopped in mid bite during their dinner. Gohan had already dropped his chopsticks at her announcement and the small piece of fish that he had partially swallowed felt like it was jammed deep in his throat. It squeezed with his emotions which made him give out a half-pitiful yelp at the lack of air. This seemed to knock some sense back into his shocked father who quickly reached over and gave his child a thump on the back, in-between the shoulder blades, dislodging the offending fish. Gohan gagged, coughed and swallowed fully that time.

"Did…did you say you were…pregnant, Mom?" Gohan managed to wheeze out.

The human woman beamed bright as the sun and laid her hands on her still flat belly and gave a very firm nod. "I sure did! Gohan, you're gonna be a big brother!"

Eyes lighting up like the sun, Goku asked "really? We're gonna have another baby?!"

Nodding, ChiChi responded "Yes! In a few months!"

Happiness spilling out of him like water, the Saiyan father caught her under the arms and spun her around "I'm a Daddy again! Whoo hoo!" The life in his eyes was infectious and before long, ChiChi was laughing out loud as well. She and Goku had discussed having a second child a few times but the battles and enemies had always made such a thing impossible. Now, with Cell defeated and Goku alive again, they finally had a chance. As far as the human woman was concerned, this was a beautiful gift for the peace having been won! Her small family could finally grow and she could hardly wait!

It had taken some time for Goku to really comprehend what having a baby meant when Gohan had been in ChiChi's belly but ever since he had been born, the boy had been the center of Goku's world. He hadn't known it was possible to love another person as much as he loved Gohan. He and ChiChi, despite disagreeing on certain aspects of their boy's life, worked together fairly well most of the time and the idea that now a new little person would be coming into his life to bond, play and love on…well, that was awesome! What a great thing to come back from the dead to! He had never been more grateful that he had let Gohan convince him to be wished back! Not only did he get to have his wife and little man back but now another little one coming!

Goku and ChiChi laughed aloud again as the Saiyan took to the air and swung her around, nearly hitting the ceiling a few times.

Watching them both, so ecstatic, Gohan was certain it was happiest that they had been in a long time. Heck, even compared to the other times they had presented as happy and joyful, this felt degrees beyond that. ChiChi had not laughed like that in a very long time and hearing it again made her son smile. Likewise, while his father had been carefree and go-lucky even before the Cell Games, there had been an over looming sense of doom, of danger that permeated his actions, despite his father's attempt to cover it up with his giddy attitude. To see them so happy that he was sure their cheeks would break filled his heart with joy. They deserved to be so happy!

He, however, felt…divided.

His parents looked so blissful, with Mom laughing and Dad practically flying in the house swinging her around until ChiChi made a comment about 'remember the rules, Goku! No flying inside!' Goku laughed, set her down and the two parents settled back into their chairs, with Goku beaming, "Isn't that awesome Gohan? You get to be a big brother! Man, that baby is gonna be so lucky!" He took a swallow of rice and said "Doncha think Gohan?" as ChiChi reprimanded his poor manners. Goku laughed, nervously and with a 'sorry, sorry', rubbed the back of his head. "Not every day I find out I getta be a Daddy twice!"

They were both ecstatic, Mother near tears and Daddy laughing like everything in the world was hilarious.

The young half-Saiyan though, felt his guts freeze at the concept.

He wished he could have said it was because of fear for his unborn sibling.

He wished he could have said it was uncertainty over his still new Super Saiyan 2 transformation.

He wished he could have said it was because their little house was well, too little.

Shame filled his heart as it was none of these things. It was simply and plainly:

He did not want a sibling.

Well, perhaps that wasn't the whole of it but it was certainly the root of it. When he had been younger, he did remember asking his parents if he would ever have a sibling. The two adults had laughed and said 'maybe some day.' The concept had been exciting to him, of having someone that he could guide and protect like his parents and Mister Piccolo did so often for him. The battles and trials had simply not proven to be a good time for it and honestly, after Gohan had entered the training for the Androids, he had nearly forgotten about the desire completely. After all, by the time the Cell Games ended, he was ten years old. After ten years as the sole child, he just assumed that it would remain that way.

He didn't know what he should be feeling right now but both his parents were looking at him, waiting for his reaction. What should he say? He couldn't say what he was thinking; man, how selfish would THAT be?! After all, he HAD asked for a sibling for a lot of his life! Wasn't exactly their fault that his emotions on that had changed. Besides that, what were they gonna do anyway? You couldn't exactly send a baby back. So, whether he wanted a brother or sister or not, they were coming. It would be cruel to ruin his parents' excitement!

Plastering as grin on his face, he let it spread until it reached his cheeks even though he felt none of it "That's great Mom! How soon?!"

Airy laughter from her as she responded "Oh, a few months Gohan. I'm only about a month along." She smiled at Goku before she began to resume her meal. At least Goku was remembering to swallow before talking this time.

"Those other eight months will go fast though! The baby will be here before you know it, Gohan!" Goku grinned before reaching out, ruffing Gohan's hair and putting another piece of fish onto his mountain of rice. Gohan smiled at his father, even as his mind continued to do backflips. So, Mother was only about a month along. Did that mean he could feel the baby? He knew about the biology of pregnancy, at least somewhat but the aspect of ki and energy was another matter. So, even as his parents began to babble about plans-when they would tell Grandpa and the others, the new furniture they'd need to make and yes, Goku would need to start that farm right away—Gohan set his energy on his mother.

He didn't feel anything at first. It was just her, maybe with a little extra oomph. But the more he focused, he caught it, like a wisp of fog. It was impossible to tell much about it but yes, it was definitely there. Another ki inside his mother.

Gohan returned his gaze to his dinner and began to shovel in his food without much thought. He tried to ignore the laughing and shouts from his parents. They were excited so let them be excited but he couldn't find it in his heart to be happy. That in itself made him feel horrible. After all, a baby was supposed to make people happy. Bulma and everyone except Vegeta had been so happy to see baby Trunks. That meant that they would be just as happy about his mom having another baby. He should have been happy about a new baby!

He didn't though. He wasn't.

Why now? It had been ten years. Wasn't that too long to add another baby? After all, they had gotten used to dealing with feeding a family of three and now they were going to add in another half-Saiyan baby on top of everything else? Daddy hadn't even created the farm yet. Mom had said that a farm and field would be a good job for him and it would help them supplement their grocery bills too. Daddy still had to do that. Mom still had to find contacts in the villages for people that would buy the food. There was enough to do already!

And their house was small! Where were they going to put a new baby? A sinking feeling settled in Gohan's stomach. Were they gonna put it in HIS room?

The concept made his stomach turn and twist. He LIKED his own room, thank you very much.

"Maybe this kiddo will wanna train with me and Gohan!" Goku said brightly. "We can teach 'em so much!"

ChiChi opened her mouth to protest, to declare that no, no, their new child would not be doing any such thing but upon looking at her husband and eldest son, she collapsed into her chair, as if the energy sapped from her bones. The loss of Goku nearly being permanent (and would have been if not for her son pointing out the logical facts) made scared her, more so than she liked to admit but it was also a very clear message. The natural way that Gohan had managed himself, despite losing himself (which he still refused to talk to her about no matter how she demanded) for a time, had made things very apparent: her children were half human but they were also half Saiyan and it was obvious that no matter what she did, those genes would have their way. Perhaps it was better to allow a controlled version of it than none at all. She'd sat down with Goku after a few days and discussed such things with him. It had surprised him but oh how happy he had been to know that she wouldn't utterly bar Gohan from training with him, so long as he did his part of his schoolwork. They'd even talked about maybe a public school to help ease that worry.

She couldn't very well fall back into her old patterns with this new child. So, with a sigh, she said, "Not for a while, Goku! I won't have a toddler flying around over my head!"

More laughter from Goku and further silence from Gohan though he covered it with stacking more food onto his plate. As long as he had food in his mouth, then he didn't have to give his thoughts and he was glad that his mother wasn't pestering him about it. He didn't _want_ to talk about it. It didn't matter how upset he was or what he wanted. This made his parents happy and after everything, they surely deserved that! After Freeza, the Androids and Cell, a time to celebrate their family was…

But what about HIM?

Didn't he deserve some peace too? Didn't he deserve some time with his parents without some looming threat over his head? He'd killed Cell, didn't that entitle him to SOMETHING?

A time when he could just enjoy the friendly spar with his father for what it was and not because they had some horrible enemy coming to kill everyone? Enjoy an evening camping with his father and maybe exploring some of the parts of the mountain that they didn't go to very often? Or maybe he could show his father where Piccolo had trained him? He had been meaning to for several years but something always came up. Now, though, with Cell gone, they finally had a chance to do all this! Daddy said a few years ago that he wanted to show him the path he took when went around the world when he was training with Roshi and Gohan wanted to see it! Wanted to run it himself!

Didn't he deserve some time to show his mother what he had learned from his books, to show her that he was really interested in the science behind ki and wouldn't it be neat to combine that with his martial arts so that he would be doing both of his desires together? Maybe she could show him how to cook something besides fish? Maybe he could take her to that neat field of flowers that he had found on the mountain when he had been trying to run away from Piccolo? She would love it. Daisies were her favorites and he bet that she didn't know there was a whole field of them!

Now though..,eight more months and a new baby would be here. And in the time before that, who knew what had to be done? Gohan didn't know a lot about babies but he knew that Bulma always seemed busy even with all the help she had. They'd have to work even harder to get ready for a new family member. Money, supplies, and lots of other stuff that Gohan was probably forgetting about right now. They would need to get income settled before the baby and they didn't have a lot of time to get the farm ready as it was and now, it wasn't just a way to bring in extra money—with a new baby, it would be required. Would they build onto the house? Would they have to get rid of that meditation room that Gohan loved to sit in with Goku? He supposed this also meant that the new set of manga he had been eyeing was probably out of the question. Maybe he should consider selling the telescope he got for his birthday…

Isn't that awesome, Gohan? His father had said.

Yeah, awesome…

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Morning didn't come as pleasant as it usually did.

Gohan was normally up before the sun, a habit developed during his training but this morning, he laid there, eyes on the ceiling. He had never really stayed still for very long. Even while he was studying, he was always rocking back and forth or he'd move from the desk to the bed or sometimes even pace. If he thought Mom wouldn't notice, he'd hover in his room but he tried to abide by the 'no flight indoors' rule as much as possible. Today though, despite the fact he could feel the warm sunlight seeping through the window, painting on his face as it always did in the morning, he felt no desire to move.

The smells coming from downstairs were intoxicating. Right away, the familiar scent of roasted fish, rice, poached vegetables and oh, yes, Mom's omelet rolls. After a moment, he caught the scent of a small fire outside the house. Daddy must have been smoking some more fish—oh, yes, yes, now he smelled the seaweed which meant Daddy was making sushi rolls- which meant Mom was making quite a few of everyone's favorites. They were still celebrating, that much was obvious. It was rare that Daddy helped cook.

A crushing, almost depressive weight settled on his chest.

Celebrating the baby.

He SHOULD be happy. He should be ecstatic, rushing downstairs in his sleep clothes, shouting about what he was going to teach the baby and what were they going to call the baby and all the other things that he always saw and heard about in shows and books. Big brothers were always boasting about and showing off their younger sibling. That was supposed to be his role, right? To carry around the baby and talk about how much they were going to take after him and the cool things that they were doing.

He still didn't feel like doing that.

Maybe it was just a time thing, he told himself as he gazed skyward for a little bit longer. After all, he knew that it took some time to adjust to changes and this was a big change. So, maybe he just needed a few days to get excited about it. His parents hadn't gone into detail about what was going to happen and it was hard to get enthusiastic about something when you didn't know what there was to get excited for. Maybe that would shift today. He'd slept last night and he'd taken some extra time this morning so…yes!

Yes, he needed to stop moping, go listen to what his parents had to report and then things would improve. They surely would. He didn't think of himself as a selfish person, at least, he tried as hard as he could not to be. Sitting here, worrying and thinking about what he didn't want happening was quite selfish! He was certain of that. Well, no more, no more. Cell had been beaten and their family finally had peace so who was he…what right did he have to rain on everyone else's happiness right now? None. He had none.

Swinging his feet down, fueled by determination, Gohan stripped off his night clothes and threw on some loose slacks and shirt. He would likely need to study some today (as happy as Mom was, that was never a reason to slack on studying even if she had lightened up) and Daddy would probably want to train some too. He could do both of those in this.

Going to his window, Gohan pushed it open the rest of the way and focused on what he smelled. The mountain always had a wonderful scent early in the morning, while dew still dripped off the plants. With Daddy's smoking fish added to the mix, it was a lovely aroma and one that made his mouth water.

The sound of humming and clanging pots from the kitchen just added to the ambiance.

Well, if his parents were going out of their way for a breakfast worthy of celebration, couldn't and shouldn't he add to that?

Cooking was not his strong point. He knew how to make simple sandwiches and cook fish over a fire but aside from that, no, that was the limit of his skill. Maybe Mom might help him to learn how to do a little more complicated than that but…

Apples!

The idea came to him like a bolt and a smile spread over his face. If there was one thing that he did not smell thus far: fruit. The mountain had tons of fruit trees and that apple tree still had ripe and heavy apples. Gohan had also discovered a grove of peach trees nearby and if he remembered right, they should be in season!

Setting his feet on the window, Gohan swung down, bending his knees as he hit the ground. Standing up, he took off for the forest, eyes focused.

"Hey, Gohan!"

Slamming on his brakes at the call, Gohan turned and waved, "Oh, hi, Daddy!"

The Saiyan stood from his crouched position behind a set of three large fish, pierced with large wooden stakes over a rather large fire. The smoke that Gohan had smelled was engulfing them and the snapping and crackle of the skin against the heat of the fire was a calming sound. Gohan barely stopped himself from licking his lips.

"Where are you rushin' off to, little man?" Goku approached and knelt, smiling. His white undershirt was already smoky with ash and bits and pieces of black decorated his nose and cheeks. "Breakfast is gonna be ready soon and believe me, you don't wanna miss it!"

"Oh, I don't intend to, Daddy. I can smell it and it's driving me nuts!" He pointed to the roasting fish. "That is torture to my nose!"

Giving his son a large grin, Goku looked back to the house, listening a moment. When the sounds of ChiChi working at the stove did not die out, Goku reached over, lifted his skinning knife off the wooden block and cut a sliver of fish from the side. Tossing it from hand to hand a moment, amid "Yie! Hot! Hot!" Goku blew on it for a few minutes before reaching over and offering it to his son.

Not about to turn it down, Gohan opened his mouth and like a mother bird to her chick, Goku plopped it in the boy's mouth who was quick to chew and swallow amid a loud moan of satisfaction. "You still got it Daddy."

Smirking in response, Goku responded, "Good. I'll need help to finish all this fish. Your Mom's appetite hasn't quite taken off yet. So, don't tell me that you're running off on me."

Shaking his head, Gohan offered "I thought I'd bring Mom back some apples from our tree, maybe some peaches too. Or-ooo! Daddy, I betcha the ume trees are in season now. That means umeboshi pickles!"

"Stop!" Goku laughed. "You're gonna kill me, Gohan!"

That simple statement killed the smile on Gohan's face. It was something Goku had always said when they would tease each other but now, now that carried an entirely new meaning and as much as he tried to repress it, it always reared its ugly head. "I'll be back for breakfast, Dad."

He didn't wait for Goku to respond, instead taking off into the trees, feet slamming on the ground. He knew it was probably not the best way to leave his father but he needed to refocus. Get the fruits and move on with the day. Move past that stupid statement. Move past the baby. Move past all of it!

The familiar grove of fruit trees didn't take long to come into focus. Gohan had lost count of the number of times that he and his father had come here. Sometimes Mom would come but routinely, it had become him and his father's spot.

Slipping up next to the largest tree, Gohan paused and let his hand linger into the large hold midway up the trunk. His dad had told him the story several times—of how he, as a mere baby, had done such damage, his power erupting like a volcano. While he couldn't remember it, Gohan didn't doubt it. He had done the same to a small mountain and had no idea how he had done so when training with Piccolo. Then, there had been his explosion on Namek and against Cell…

Shaking his head, Gohan flew upwards a bit and sat on a tree branch. The apples hung thick and ripe. They had been in season for a bit and a few of them had already started to fall to the ground. There were still plenty for gathering here though.

Taking off his shirt and making a makeshift pouch with it, Gohan began to load the apples into it, one by one. It was hard remembering to leave room for the peaches and ume. Every apple here looked delicious and he may have sampled one or three.

When he felt he had an ample supply, the boy dropped back to the earth and set his sights on the peach trees in the far distance. You could just barely smell the sour scent of the ume not far beyond them. Not a lot of them but enough to gather.

As he turned to leave, Gohan paused, again and looked back to that hole.

When he was little, Goku would put him in the hole like it was a seat and they would play games. Usually, Gohan was a baby bird and Goku was the Daddy Bird searching for him. As Gohan got older and could no longer fit, it became a place where they would stash secret treasures for one another: a picture Gohan had colored, a small bowl of cut fruit from Daddy or maybe some very crude leatherwork that Gohan had attempted with little more than bloody fingers to show for it.

But Daddy always said that he missed when Gohan was small enough to be his baby bird.

Now…a new baby would be here.

One that COULD be a baby bird.

Gohan left and ran for the peach trees before the tingling in his hands became a full blast.

And told himself, continuously, that the tree did not deserve to be tumbled because of a baby.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

"Now this is a breakfast."

ChiChi smiled, her eyes shining as her husband and son were quick to pile their plates high with her contributions. The fish sitting in the center of the table was flanked by Gohan's fruit and it made a wonderful collection. Her heart swelled at how much everyone was joining in and sharing in her—no, her family's—good news.

"Well, eat up because there's a lot to do!" She declared, piercing a bit of fish and after carefully chewing and swallowing, she stated, "We have a lot to get done in the next few months! So much to do, so much to plan! We need to make a place for the baby…"

Gohan swallowed a bite of rice and fish and asked "I thought babies slept with the parents."

Goku laughed, "At first, sure, they do, little man but that won't last forever." He eyed his wife, "Gohan was with us for what, the first few months?"

Nodding, ChiChi agreed, "Yes, the first six months then we moved you into your room that you have now." The human woman looked skyward, was starry eyed a moment with excitement and memory. "I was so worried that you'd be so lonely afterwards but you adjusted pretty well." Now, she set her eyes on Gohan. "But your sibling won't worry about that because he'll have you!"

Gohan froze in mid bite before looking up at her, "I…you want the baby to move into my room?" No, no, no, this couldn't be happening, it couldn't, it couldn't. Not his room too!

Goku eyed her, "ChiChi, is that a good idea? I mean, babies are loud sometimes. I don't want Gohan not gettin' any sleep. You and I don't have a choice. He does."

The Son family matriarch smiled, "Well, we'll wait until they sleep through the night at least. Gohan, think about it! You and your sibling will get to bond and when they get older, you can talk to them, play and—"

"How are they gonna fit in my room?" Gohan found he was having a pretty hard time maintaining his tone. This wasn't fair. He didn't ask for the baby and now they were gonna move them into his room?

"Oh, we might need to move some furniture around but you'll see, it won't take up that much room." ChiChi suddenly paused and eyed her son, "Gohan…that IS okay with you, right? I thought you'd be thrilled about being able to help so much with the baby!" Her eyes softened. "Is that okay with you?"

Crap.

What was he supposed to say? No, he hated the idea. Abhorred it. Wanted the idea to burn up in fire. But what could he say? They couldn't exactly afford another room! Where did he THINK the baby was going to go? And if he said no, his parents wouldn't force him but then they would have to worry about what they were going to do and they might get rid of his father's meditation room and if THAT went, then where was he supposed to go when he got upset and needed to calm down…

"It…it's fine, I guess." Gohan offered "I mean, my room's small. But, it's okay."

ChiChi smiled widely at her son. "Oh, Gohan, I promise you that it won't be as bad as it sounds and by the time the baby is ready for that, we'll have time to get everything ready. Maybe we'll move some of your things into the old hut outside. I know you have some toys that you don't use as much anymore."

"…right."

Goku took a bite of fish and eyed his son, "Or maybe we could use my meditation room. That way you could keep yours—"

"no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine." Gohan forced a smile. "I just need some time to…process it, that's all."

Not the meditation room. Ever since Gohan was little, that room meant safety. He could tell his parents anything in there and not be punished. It was something Goku had made ChiChi agree to a long time ago and while she was tempted at times, she never broke that word. It was the room where he and Goku would have special time, just the two of them—sometimes meditating, sometimes stretching and in the winter, they would just sit in front of a fire and talk. Or wrestle. Goku had always called it 'their room.' Just theirs.

"Well, if you're sure. But I guess the new little guy is gonna hafta be introduced to our room too at some point. Nice of you to let us keep it, little man."

That too?

That room too?

That was THEIR room.

He finally voiced as much. "Daddy, I thought that was OUR room."

Goku blinked as did ChiChi. Gohan took an inhale. "That's always been our room."

Mother and Father exchanged a glance a moment then Goku said, "Well, yeah, but that really wouldn't be fair to the new baby, would it? To say they couldn't have time with me in there, too?"

ChiChi reached over and took Gohan's hand. "You're going to have to share us a little bit when the baby comes Gohan but I promise you…it's not going to be that bad." She turned to Goku. "So, when your Dad spends time with the baby, maybe you and I could do something."

Gohan knew that they were right. He knew that they were trying and they…yes, they were right. He was being a selfish baby. What good would it do to say he was upset, he was angry, he was sad and he had every right to not want to share right now? Or ever. "I guess we could do that, Mom. Maybe teach me how not to burn water?"

"I cannot promise miracles, Gohan."

And just like that, a laugh and the tension evaporated. Gohan felt the anxiety felt from his parents' ki even though his did not. Immediately, he felt almost sick to his stomach. How could he do that to them? They had to bring in food, money, all of that and he was complaining?

He didn't have a right. No, no, he didn't.

"Does Grandpa know?" He asked suddenly before shoveling a spoonful of vegetables and fish into his mouth. There was some kind of pickled vegetable in there which was a less than pleasant surprise but after that, well, he figured he should make good on being mature.

ChiChi shook her head, "Not yet."

Goku beamed, "We should tell 'em! And Krillin and Bulma too!" After a moment, he added "And Master Roshi!"

ChiChi eyed him critically and a pout greeted her. "Aw, c'mon ChiChi. Bulma looked like she wanted to kill me when I introduced Gohan to her. Said why did we have a four year old and her not know? 'Sides, you like Bulma."

The human woman smiled, lightly. "I don't have issue with Bulma or Krillin or Yamcha." She wasn't entirely being truthful there but Goku's friends had been nothing but loyal to her family so for that, she was grateful. "But Master Roshi…"

"He'll behave." Goku pleaded, eyeing her, "C'mon ChiChi. I'll talk to him. I really wanna tell everyone that I'm gonna be a Daddy again."

Well, she had never been good about refusing Goku's puppy dog eyes. She doubted many people could and Gohan had inherited it. "Well, we haven't had a get together in a while. Maybe a cookout in a few days? With all those hands here, maybe they can help you break up that ground for the fields too."

"There. See? Then we can get started on the other stuff." He leaned back and stretched a bit. "Man, I can't wait to invite them—"

"You can't tell them yet though, Goku. We need to tell them at the get together."

"I know, I know. Besides, I know you wanna do the tellin'. I got to tell with Gohan so…"

"I can go invite them." Gohan spoke out. "I'll let them know to come in two days, is that enough time?"

ChiChi turned to her son, "Gohan, we can call them—"

"Yeah but that's no fun. Besides, I haven't seen them since…since the Tournament," he dropped his voice at the last moment and it was impossible not to notice. Goku laid his hand on his son's shoulder and he and ChiChi did the odd conversation that only parents were capable of doing with their eyes.

Picking up a slab of fish, spoonful of vegetables and some fruit, ChiChi reached over and plopped them on her son's plate. "Eat those and then go tell them. Two days. Early afternoon. Bring a dish if they want and best manners…ALL of them."

Goku gave a 'woo-hoo' of victory and Gohan smiled. He ate in silence and when the plate was empty, he said his goodbyes without much fuss. A simple promise to be careful and he was in the air, letting the world fade away beneath him.

The river where he and his father would fish…now, his sibling would come too.

The forest where they would camp…now his sibling would come too.

The front yard where he could study and wrestle and chase animals…now his sibling too.

Everything…nothing was just HIS anymore.

When his father's ki faded from his senses and he could no longer see the little house beyond the trees, he wept.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

The old house of Master Roshi, settled upon the shores of the sea was as welcoming as always. Gohan had been here many a time and the layout of the place was well known to him. Landing on the shore, he savored the salt smell a moment. He took one step forward, approaching slowly then stopped. Stopped abruptly.

What would they all think when they found out?

Daddy and Mom with another kid?

Another kid to add to their group?

That bothered him far more than it should have. After all, he wasn't Roshi or Krillin or Yamcha or Bulma or even Tien's kid. He never had been. Yet, the prospect of inviting them all over to hear that his mother was going to be having another kid was…upsetting.

Stupid. This was stupid.

Flopping down on the sand without going up to the door, Gohan pried off his shoes and plunged his feet right into the surf. Digging his toes into the wet sand and letting the foam flow over his ankles, he took a deep breath inward, sighing towards the heavens.

That helped.

Nature always helped.

Mom had bought him a lot of books about relaxation, calming techniques and all kinds of other methods to stay calm when they had been training for the Androids. She'd said that it was something about stressed kids not doing as well on their studies and he had not said anything. Daddy's meditation or going outside always worked better than any of those exercises though, at least for him.

It washed a sense of peace over him here as well, with the tickling of foam in his toes, it sent a surge of serenity up through the spine. A deep inhale inward meant that the gathered pain in his shoulders dissipated, if only a little bit.

The moment didn't last too long. He never needed too long, Yet, before he could gather himself and make his way to the door, the door opened for him.

"Gohan? Hey, little buddy!"

A smile spread over the boy's face as he turned and made his way to his feet, brushing the sand off his backside and legs. "Hey, Krillin!"

The childhood friend of his father made his way across the landscape fairly quickly and wrapped the boy in a tight embrace. Gohan returned it, probably a little harder than he normally would. He clung a little longer than he used to as well and he knew Krillin noticed; he could feel it in his ki.

"So, what are you doing here, Gohan? Bit early for visitors, isn't it?"

"Eh, we just done with breakfast and I wanted to bring a message from Mom and Dad to you all." He followed Krillin back up the stairs, sitting down briefly to dust his feet free of sand. "Is Master Roshi here?"

"Yeah, he is. Watching his 'exercise' programs." The monk shook his head with a slight reddening of the cheeks but Gohan laughed out loud. While he didn't understand exactly what the old master saw in those programs, he knew it had to do with them having rather well-endowed women. He just didn't see the appeal.

Grinning a little wider as they entered the house, Gohan offered, "I won't stay too long."

"Eh, stay as long as you want." Krillin slipped to the area where the television could be heard blazing, "Master!"

"Krillin, my boy." The old man didn't turn from the screen but gestured with his hand. "Come and take a gander! The ladies are looking fine today!"

"Master Roshi!" Krillin raised his voice a little bit "Gohan's here, do you mind?"

Finally turning, the old man blinked a bit at the preteen standing by Krillin's side. Much as he didn't mind being very clear on his preferences and desires among the others and in fact, would often still made subtle hints at Bulma or ChiChi if he thought he could get away with it, well, he had his limits.

And no, Goku taking his aside and asking him to remember his son was young, had NOTHING to do with it.

Still, the boy was laughing so he supposed that was a good sign. "Gohan, hello there, my boy!"

Taking a moment to catch his breath, Gohan bowed as he had been taught, "Good morning, Master Roshi. I won't keep you too long—"

Krillin interrupted, "You can keep us as long as you want, kid." He set his master with a look and the older man, a bit begrudgingly, turned the television off and made his way over. "It's been a while, how have you been?"

Gohan smiled a little, "It's going okay. After Daddy and I came home, he and Mom had a talk about me."

Roshi raised a brow. "A talk, did they?"

Nodding, Gohan turned to Krillin, "Yeah, because I tol' Daddy that I wanted to keep training and I wanted to keep studying. Mom wanted me to stop after the battle with Cell but I asked Daddy if I could do both. So, he said he'd talk to Mom about it."

Krillin shuddered, just slightly. "Your dad is braver than most, kid."

Gohan didn't take offense to that; he knew all too well that his mother could be very abrasive when it came to her family. She never meant harm but it was really easy to be overwhelmed if you didn't know how she worked. "'Course he is. But you know, it worked out okay. They called me in and I talked too and now Mom has eased up a bit."

Master Roshi laughed, "So little Son Goku stood his ground, did he?"

"Yeah and so did I." Gohan declared simply. "But we gave in a little bit for Mom. But I get to do both now!" He did not elaborate. He was truthful when he said that they had all reached an agreement but the process to get there had been…difficult. That conversation had gone on for what felt like hours. No yelling, amazingly, but many hard emotions had been uncovered and dealt with. All in all, it was something they probably should have done a long time ago.

And now, finally, that they had things figured out, that they had reached an agreement that made everyone happy, here was going to come a new little baby and…

No, no, don't focus on that, not now!

"Mom and Dad want to have a get together at the mountain in two days. Afternoon. Dad really wants both of you to come. Mom'll be cooking but you can bring something if you want. Will you two come?" Shifting from one foot to the other, Gohan looked less the Savior of the World and more like …well, like a kid wanting to know if his friends would be coming to a birthday party.

Krillin answered quickly "Count me in, Gohan. Master Roshi?"

The old master was quiet a moment then said "Your Mama's cooking?"

Gohan laughed out loud and said "Yep, with fresh fruits. Daddy and I will get the meat in the morning."

"Well, that's mighty hard to turn down, Gohan." The man smirked, "I might just tagalong with Krillin."

"Great!" Gohan turned to Krillin "Have you seen Tien or Yamcha lately? I still hafta ask them and Bulma."

"Yamcha went back to his desert hangout, I think." Krillin advised and frowned, "Tien…you'll be hard pressed to find him. I'm not sure if he'll come even if you do. Think he's going into some kind of self-imposed training exile."

Shrugging and seemingly undisturbed, "Well, I can try." He headed for the door. "But thanks! I'll let Mom and Dad know you guys'll be coming."

"What about me?"

Shifting at the sudden voice, Gohan knelt and beamed "Hey, Turtle!"

The old sea turtle, slow and patient as always, was making his way over bit by bit from the next room and Gohan sank to his knees to hug him tightly. He was rewarded with the gentle laughing in his ear. "Hard to believe how big you've gotten. I thought I would be used to it after watching your Dad and Krillin but I don't think I ever will."

Gohan snorted a little, "Turtle, you sound like Dad and Mom. Every day I wake up, I'm hearing how big I'm getting."

Master Roshi laughed again, "They miss the little baby you. Happens eventually to every parent."

Gohan blinked a moment. Missed the baby him? Was that why they wanted a baby? Because he wasn't fun anymore? No, that was silly…

Krillin shook his head, "Says the man that isn't a parent. But he might be onto something Gohan." The monk smirked. "I mean, you don't exactly need them for much anymore, right? Can't really blame them for missing it." He looked skyward "I mean, the boy that killed Cell! There isn't anything on this planet you can't take on! Hard for me to believe sometimes too!"

So…replacement. That's what this was. No matter what his parents said, that was what they wanted. He hadn't even told Krillin or Master Roshi what was going on yet and they were spouting off about it. It must have been written on his parents' faces. He wasn't good enough anymore? Didn't give them what they wanted anymore?

But that wasn't what they'd said.

But wasn't it how they were acting?

Gohan's heart hurt. He turned back to Turtle and said, rather woodenly actually, "You're always welcome, Turtle." He stood and headed for the door again. "I'll see if I can track down Yamcha and Tien. Least I always know where to find Bulma."

Krillin's face contorted. "Gohan, is everything okay?" He could feel it. Something odd was in the boy's ki. "Was it somethin' I said?"

Pausing in the door frame, Gohan turned, "Naw, I'm fine, Krillin."

His friend didn't look convinced. "You sure?"

Nodding again, Gohan insisted, "I'm fine. I just…" He pondered telling him, telling him everything rocking through his mind—Krillin had obviously felt something—kind of like Daddy and Mom did at breakfast. But no, no, this wasn't his problem. "Well, my mom is going to go nuts getting ready. You know how she is. I betcha we'll be sweeping the grass before everything is done. So, maybe let me take my time telling the others, kay?"

Roshi laughed and while Krillin joined in after a moment, he didn't seem to believe him, at least not completely. "Well, we aren't exactly prime guests."

"Doesn't matter to Mom. You're guests so you better believe the place is going have to look perfect." Gohan still hadn't moved from the doorframe.

Krillin, after a moment, said, "Well, since you're puttin' off being put on party duty, I have this half of chocolate pie in the fridge that's gonna go bad soon. Think you mind taking care of that for me?"

Roshi eyed his student, "At nine in the morning?"

Gohan let go of the doorframe and slipped back inside. This time, lightness took his step. *It was faint but it was genuine. "It's never too early for pie."

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

It may have been a few days old but chocolate pie was good until it started to change colors in his opinion. The sweetness while certainly an odd thing to have in the morning (and he could just hear his mom berating about how he just had breakfast) but it was welcomed right now. Add a chilled mug of milk with just a touch of honey and he was in heaven.

Master Roshi left them be, retreating back to his "exercise" after he and Krillin did that odd eye conversation that only adults seemed to be able to do. Usually, Mom and Dad did it when it was something they thought he wasn't "ready" for (though, after Cell, like Krillin had said, what was there that he couldn't handle?) but the look between Krillin and the old martial arts master had been different. Similar but different yet he couldn't identify what it was exactly.

Luckily, Krillin didn't give him a lot of time to dwell on that. He opened the fridge, unwrapped a circular dish and immediately the scent of chocolate, cream, and old-but-still-flaky-enough-to-crumble-on-the-tongue crust invaded his nose. It took all his willpower not to lick his lips. His mother's pies were good but chocolate wasn't something they received a lot. Wasn't healthy and up in the mountains, hard to come by.

Bait, it was bait and he knew it but as soon as that first slice slid off the knife and flopped onto the plate, his Saiyan appetite decided he didn't care.

Soon, all he could think about was the wonderful sweet taste erupting on his tongue. As much as his stomach was still technically filled from breakfast, the sweet chocolate set off the much needed endorphins in a brain currently drowned in anxiety. It was a simple rush of euphoria but he bathed in it.

He relished it. Needed it.

Gohan was midway through the remaining three slices when Krillin asked "So, are you gonna be level with me or have you outgrown that?" No command, no sharpness or poison to the tone but it was jolting nonetheless.

Especially from Krillin. Much as you couldn't call him a pushover, being stern was not his forte either.

Pausing in mid-bite, Gohan turned, chocolate smeared on his face and his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. "Hmm?"

Laughing even as he handed a paper towel over, Krillin shook his head "Sometimes, you act so much like your Dad that it's scary." He meant it too. Sometimes, it was like looking in an odd distorted mirror.

Wiping his mouth and swallowing, Gohan asked, eyes sparkling as they always did in regards to his father, "You think so?" Did he? After Cell, after that near catastrophe, he'd lost a bit of that faith but if there was something he could depend on from Krillin, it was honesty. If he said he still resembled Daddy then he did.

It created an odd peace in his heart while igniting an alien fear at the same time: what if the baby was more like Daddy than he was? Maybe that was a selfish desire. Yes, yes, of course it was. The baby would be who it would be. If it was more like Daddy, well, then maybe it was because they deserved it and he didn't.

No, stop it. He coached at himself, silently.Stop it. You're Daddy's Little Man. He always tells you that.

But how long will that last with a new baby?

It won't go away.

You know it will.

It won't! It won't. I'm Daddy's little man, no one else. No one is gonna take that from me.

We'll see…

Shoveling an extra piece of pie into his mouth in attempt to make his inner voices and guilt and fear and whatever else shut up, Gohan locked onto Krillin's words as fiercely as he could. Sure, the martial artist wasn't impartial but he wouldn't lie either.

Nodding, Krillin went on. "You do. Hard not notice it. But you've got your mom's stubbornness too."

Smirking, if only some, Gohan took a large swallow of milk. He had heard that many times. "That's what Daddy says."

"Well, he ain't wrong." Leaning back, the monk asked again "So. Are we still buds, Gohan?"

Surprise colored the boy's face. "Of course we are, Krillin. Why wouldn't we be?" There was a light dusting of hurt to his tone and if Krillin didn't think this was important, he would have set about reassuring him. That wouldn't work right now though. Krillin had learned enough about the kid over the years to tell that.

Shrugging, the ex-monk asked "Dunno. You tell me. You're the one that's been lying to my face."

"I haven't—" Gohan's sputtering dies off nearly as soon as it started.

Krillin's look wasn't Daddy's look but it was close enough.

"You're just like your dad this way too, squirt. You can't lie to save your life. If it were anymore clear, your ki would be over here, beating me over the head." Sitting up straight a little more, Krillin asked again "So, can you be honest with me? What's wrong?"

Honest? He wanted to be and yet he didn't want to be. He wanted to scream about how his entire life was being turned upside down. About how it's wasn't right and it wasn't fair and he wasn't asking too much but the universe just utterly despised him and no matter what he did, he wasn't going to get what he wanted!

He couldn't though. Krillin had other things to worry about and he was being a stupid, spoiled little brat. His parents had a right to their happiness too. Heh ad no right to take that away, no right to ruin their joy, no matter how much it made his heart hurt. He had no right.

Because you don't make them happy anymore.

No. No, that wasn't it. He knew THAT much at least.

Didn't stop the thought from rearing its ugly head though. It still came. Untrue or not.

That brought him back to Krillin. To Krillin's inquiry. What good would it do? Nothing he could do about it. And his mom had been so happy, thinking about telling Bulma and…well, he wouldn't—couldn't—take that away from her.

Dropping his head, Gohan shook his head. "I can't, Krillin. I promised Mom I'd let her tell."

"But there IS something wrong though?"

"...sort of?" It was more of a question than a statement but that was good enough.

Throwing his arms up, Krillin collapsed backward like he had just solved world hunger. "See? That wasn't so hard."

Gohan didn't answer and all but buried his face into his mug. It had been hard. Felt good, in a way, but now he was in a conundrum. He couldn't tell Krillin anything else. He had made a promise not to. He had to stick by that promise.

But if Krillin knew something was up, he wasn't going to just leave it alone.

"So, whatever is bugging you hasta do with whatever your parents are gathering us all for?"

A nod, of sorts, though Gohan's eyes never left the glass.

Frowning and a bit frustrated, Krillin asked, "So...how about this then? After we have this get together with your folks, will you tell me then?"

Lifting his eyes, Gohan stared at him for a long time.

"You said you still trusted me, right? That we're still partners like before, right?"

A nod, though weak.

"So then we should be able to talk about this, right?" He offered a warm smile, hopefully of comfort. Though it was hard to comfort a kid when you didn't know what you were comforting them about!

"...sure. I guess so."

Well, that was better than a no. "So why don't we talk then? Or you could talk to your dad."

"I can't!" On this, Gohan was absolutely adamant and all but leapt out of the chair. "He's so happy and—"

"And he knows you're not."

The sudden voice made Gohan whirl around and Krillin jumped a bit too. After a life of fighting, the startle reflex didn't just go away. Given that they had just lived through Cell, that kind of reaction was entirely understandable.

Standing in the doorway, half leaning on the frame, was Goku.

Gohan scrambled out his chair, wiping the remaining chocolate off his mouth. "Da-Daddy, what are you doing here? I'm not running too late and—"

Goku shook his head and walked over, stopping by the sink and tossing his son a wet rag for his face and hands. "No. Your mom and I noticed something was off at breakfast. Thought maybe some time away would help but I didn't wanna wait."

"Daddy, there's not—"

"Son Gohan, don't you lie to me." Goku knelt then sat on the tiled floor and gently took his son by the hands, "I know you, little man. That smile you gave me at breakfast was forced. That laugh was forced. All of this," he gestured to his son's prepared happy demeanor. "Is forced." He leaned over, rested his forehead on his son's and gently ruffled the boy's hair.

"Talk to me."

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

"C'mon."

No bite to the tone and most people would have assumed it was an invitation. The nonchalantness to the timbre of voice was deceptive. No commanding boom like from most. Easy to see why most people would completely misinterpret it.

Gohan had grown up with his father though and he understood an unspoken command when he heard it. It was a very subtle thing; if his father wouldn't accept no for an answer, his words took on a very distinct sharpness to the consonants. Like a low click of the tongue behind the teeth. Mom would stretch out her s and ch sounds. He was told that when he got angry or deeply emotional, he lost his more formal way of speaking and slipped into a country accent that was a blend of both his parents.

Scooting his chair in, Gohan carried his flatware to the sink where Krillin took it from him and just gave a gentle nudge of the head to the side. Taking the unspoken hint, Gohan trotted after his father and the older man led them out onto the sandy beach and flopped down, reminiscent of what Gohan had done on arriving. Looking up at his son, he patted the ground next to him and after a moment delay, Gohan settled in the sand again.

They were quiet for a long time before Gohan finally pried off his shoes and stuck his feet into the wet sand again. Goku just smiled at him as he watched, even when the waves drenched the lower half of the boy's slacks. The Saiyan removed his own shoes after a time, rolled up his pant legs and sank them into the ocean himself.

After a few minutes of just letting the tide ruffle their feet, Goku finally said, "I want you to be honest with me, Gohan."

"I have been!" He responded, almost automatically. He regretted it instantly with the way his father looked at him with disappointment and a touch of frustration.

"Don't lie to me. You know I hate that."

"I haven't been lying.." the boy tried again, eyes on the swirling water. A small fish swam by and Gohan trailed it with his finger.

"You ain't been tellin' me the whole truth either and that's just as bad." That sharpness was back, that sternness.

Without lifting his head, Gohan asked, "What do you think I haven't been telling you?"

"How you really feel about this baby."

Exhaling loudly, Gohan felt a conflict. If he kept on lying, his father would know. He could practically feel him prodding his ki already. But if he DID tell the truth, he would crush him. He couldn't do EITHER!

"Dunno how I feel." He finally settled on. It wasn't the truth but it was as close as he could get. Maybe he—

A sharp pain in his forehead made him yelp and rub the heel of his hand on that tender spot. Looking up, he scowled at his father. Or more accurately at the two fingers that had flicked him.

Goku was unperturbed even though Gohan was glaring at him—or at least his fingers—-like they were an enemy. "You're still fibbin' to me. You know better than that. You've been doing that since last night and it's stoppin' now, am I clear?"

Stopping? He wanted to stop. He wanted to be honest but how could he be? He would break his father's heart if he was honest! But he was hurting him now by not being honest! Which was better?! Which was worse? He didn't know.

A few days ago he had been completely at ease. He's known who he was, where he stood, what to expect and even if some new enemy was to show up, he was content that with his father's help and their friends, they would be successful. He would be able to train and study and explore and play.

No enemies, no threats. Just him, his father and his mother.

Not anymore. Not ever again.

Gohan stared at the water, marveled as the colors swirled and shifted from green to blue and everything in between. "I'm not tryin' to lie." He admitted freely.

"Well for a boy not tryin', you're doing an awful lot of it." Goku leaned back a little and after a moment, he began to dig into the wet sand, scooping out a small little mound. After some time and some cutting with his fingers, Goku presented his son with a frowning face made of sand. "And that's not a good look for you, little man."

Despite himself, Gohan smiled, a slight upturn of his lips. "I don't look that pouty."

"You do," Goku argued. "And you've got a heaviness to your ki that I don't like. Ki is just like the body you know, you'll make it sick if you keep that up."

Sick. Maybe that would be okay. He'd get pampered at least and maybe they'd forget about the baby.

Selfish. He scolded himself. Selfish—

"Waah!" Gohan cried out in protest when he was suddenly plucked from the ground and planted in his father's lap. The Saiyan all but encased him in a hug. "Dad!"

"Well, you're not talking. I used to hug you when you got all pouty and stubborn when you were a baby."

"I'm not a baby anymore." Gohan declared sharply but saying that out loud sounded deafening. It echoed about, almost like it was taunting him. "I'm not gonna be the baby anymore." The tension sank out of his body at that. "Am I?"

Goku's warm voice hummed in his ear. "Aw, you're always gonna be a baby to me and your Mom. There's just gonna be another baby too."

That did little to help. "Isn't fair."

Goku squeezed his son tight a moment. "What's so unfair 'bout it?" He thought about mentioning that Gohan used to beg them to give them a sibling but there wasn't a lot of point to that. Feelings changed, plain and simple.

"Everything!" Gohan finally erupted. "We've been doing nothing but fighting some stupid enemy or preparing for some enemy since I was four. Now, for once, we have peace. No enemy, nothing to prepare for! You and me were gonna go on that world trip 'member? I don't remember last time we just got to be a family!"

Goku smiled. "Ah, Gohan, we're still gonna be a family and do all that stuff I promised. It's just gonna be a little bigger family, that's all!"

"But what about me?" Gohan dug his fingers into his father's arms, suddenly wanting nothing more than to curse and punch and scream. This was what he'd been trying to avoid but Goku was always good at pushing those buttons—saying JUST the right thing to get a reaction.

Sometimes his father knew him far too well and it was infuriating!

He settled for putting as much pressure on his father's muscles as he could; the Saiyan could take it.

"What about what I wanted? I wanted just some time with you and Mom and now this baby is gonna take that! I just wanted time for us to be a family—the family that we are now!—and I don't even get that! And don't YOU lie to ME!" He spat, looking up at his father, though he didn't try to squirm loose. "Don't tell me that we'll have time before the baby because I'm not stupid! From now and until the baby comes, that's all I'm gonna hear about! That's all we're gonna do and I hate it!" He sank a little, arms shaking a bit. He could have burst his father's grip if he'd desired to but there was no point. He'd said his piece. His father had pushed and pushed and Gohan finally gave.

But he couldn't find it in himself to talk about the new baby being...better or anything like that. He had a sinking feeling in his gut that his father would push for more but prayed against it. "I don't ask for much! When have I ever asked for anything?! All I wanted was some time with just the three of us and I can't even get that?!"

The shouting always felt off and it always left him feeling drained. He was suddenly grateful for his father's arms around him and he caved into the man's chest. "Not fair."

Strong fingers settled in his hair and the gentle massage was more than welcomed. "You've had a rough life, little man and you're right, it's not fair."

Being acknowledged was something. Knowing his father agreed that life was sometimes a complete—-well, it was unjust, was soothing. He took a deep inhale. "And now I've gotta be a big brother and I don't want to or even know how to!" Man, he sounded so horrible...

"Well, I think you'll do fine on that end." Goku tilted the boy's head up. "Trunks loves you to death."

"Trunks loves anyone that gives him food."

"Ah, it's more than that." Goku softened his glance and hugged his son a little tighter. He could have gone on about why he knew Gohan was going to be a wonderful brother but that's not what Gohan needed to hear. Not right now. "But I'm sorry it's coming all at once." After a moment of considering, Goku added "And it's okay not to be excited, Gohan."

Shock stole Gohan's breath. "But Mom—"

"You not being excited isn't gonna ruin it for her or for me. It's what you feel and that's just how it is. You're angry and scared and that's okay." Pressing one finger over the boy's heart, Goku was firm "What you feel is what you feel, son. But it's really hard for me to help you with it when you're all tight lipped!"

Lowering his eyes, Gohan confessed "I didn't want you and Mom losing...you were so excited and..." he gave up on his sentence and went quiet. His eyes were still blurry. Teary. He went to rub them away but Goku grabbed his hand.

"I tol' you that you feel what you feel. If you wanna cry, cry." Goku nuzzled him, just a little. "Won't hurt anything."

Shaking his head, Gohan remarked, "I'm supposed to be the strong kid, Dad. I'm not the crybaby anymore. I'm not useless anymore. I defeated Cell because I'm NOT that silly crybaby anymore."

"...who told you that?"

Gohan blanched. That was Dad's scary look. "N-No one, I just figured—"

"It was Piccolo a long time ago, wasn't it?" Goku interrupted his son and shook his head. "I'm grateful for all he taught you but he's not always right."

"Dad, he IS right though." Gohan argued. "What good would crying do for me?" Even though, yes, yes, bursting out bawling right now would feel oh-so-good.

Shrugging, Goku remarked, "Woulda told your mom and me last night how upset you were and you wouldn't have had to walk around with it weighing down your heart so much."

Well, point to Dad.

"I..." Gohan paused in his argument and just laid deeper into Goku's grip. He must have looked so odd. Like some small bird in the lap of some God.

A baby bird that was much too big for its perch anymore with the new one coming.

His voice choked, he fought, he squirmed, his hair turned golden yellow but in the end, Gohan cried.

Goku didn't let him go for a long time.

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

"Gohan, can you get this for me?"

Turning from his spot setting out vegetables and fruits on the counter, Gohan blinked at his mother's request. She was holding out one of their jars of honey to him, even as her other hand kept throwing flour into her bowl filled with chopped meat.

Gohan looked to the jar, up to his mother and back again before taking it slowly. "Mom, you made it to the finals in the World Martial Arts tournament and you threw the couch at Grandpa once. You can't open a jar?"

Her eyes set on him and for a moment, Gohan felt dread flood his veins. Daddy had told him that Mom was going to get more and more emotional as things dragged on and since they were having the party for her to announce the baby that afternoon, she was already on edge. And he had to open his big mouth.

"I...I don't mind Mom," he stammered quickly even as a simple wrist flick had the upper glass of the jar shattering and honey dripping down his wrist. "Ah...da—"

ChiChi's sharp clearing of her throat stopped him mid sentence. He bit his lower lip and looked at her, even as she shoved the bowl to the side in a huff.

"S-sorry, Mom—"

"Gohan, can you go ONE day without being a super powered muscle machine? Please?" She sounded angry but also sad and that made Gohan's heart sink.

"I don't mean to Mom."

"You NEVER mean to!" She stood up straight and turned to him, hands on her hips. "Is it so hard to ask that today—one day—we act like a NORMAL HUMAN family?"

Biting his lower lip, Gohan confessed "But...I'm not human, Mom. Not all human."

That seemed to blow air out of her sails. It was almost a relief. Not a year ago and she would have started ranting about how she just wanted a normal family but now she smiled, even with tears in her eyes and took the broken jar from her son, dropping it in the trash before wetting a dish cloth and wiping at his hands.

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry..."

Did she..."Mom, do you really hate me being this strong?" There was a light quiver to his voice.

Kneeling, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly giving a light kiss into his hair, "Oh, sweetie, I'm proud of you. I just...I want everything to be perfect and little things are getting me frustrated..."

"So, it's not me?"

ChiChi shook her head, "It's not you. I...Mom had this idea in her head for so long about what a family should look like, what they should do, how they should act but your father and I talked and...well, our family is different. That's okay, it's wonderful but it's taking me some work to get those old bad ideas out of my head, okay?"

That was the honest truth. She and Goku had waited until Gohan was asleep the day after the Cell Games and they had discussed. Talked about his lack of confidence, his insecurities and mostly how he wasn't just human or Saiyan but both.

ChiChi had to admit, both she and Goku had needed to have that conversation for a while and the end result of it was a promise to embrace both sides of their son's heritage. The Son matriarch had confessed so much of this went against what she'd been told a wife and families did but she couldn't deny anymore that traditional did not describe her family.

And that wasn't a bad thing, no matter what society might tell her, Goku was quick to tell her and she'd smiled.

She loved Goku, training obsession and all.

She loved Gohan, fighting, reading and exploring little boy and all.

Now, with a new little one in her belly, she needed to remember her promise and forget the old "shoulds"

Plus, the way Gohan was looking at her...she didn't like that look and it occurred to her that he likely had looked at her like that numerous times. No more. "I love Gohan for who he is and that includes being a world savior who sometimes breaks his Mom's honey jars."

There it was, there was that smile. She'd seen it less and less as of late and even this one seemed...distant.

But then again, that was to be expected from a stubborn boy trying to cope with changing family roles. She was so glad Goku had pursued him two days ago. She'd known something was wrong. Known it, seen it.

Now, they just had to deal with it.

"Mom, I can go gather some more, Daddy showed me how." His eyes sparkled at the prospect of helping and interrupted her thoughts. "I know where there's a big hive, Mom."

ChiChi winced "Oh, Gohan, maybe your father should—-"

"Mom. I literally killed a giant bug." He didn't smile—he never did when talking about Cell—"I think I can handle a few flying ones. 'Sides, we dunno when Daddy'll be back! I can get you fresh honey though."

ChiChi wanted to still protest but maybe Gohan being involved in this party and by extension, his new sibling, would help ease some of those uncomfortable feelings. She certainly wasn't going to dissuade that option.

With a heavy sigh, the woman disappeared into the pantry and returned with a handful of jars and a large wooden box. "Be careful. I'm inclined to hope your brother or sister won't be quite so anxious for danger."

Gohan didn't respond to that but accepted the offering. The jars and box were like feathers to him but his mother's words rang in his ears like an echo.

"Just regular honey, Gohan. We don't need anything more than that. Much as it would be nice to have lavender honey, I can make due with regular."

"I bet I could still get some lavender, Mom..," he started but she cut him off.

"Your father was out there the other day. Some Mountain hornets have set up around the area. Regular honey will work fine." She raised a brow at him, "Got it?"

Nodding firmly, he headed for the door, pulled on his shoes and took to the air. The gentle breeze slipping by his face was a comfort. Much as Daddy had said it wasn't his fault for feeling like he did, he had seen his mother's face fall when they'd talked about it.

Your fault...just like all the other times you made her cry or afraid.

Stop. He scolded himself.Mom is always gonna worry. She and Daddy said that they were gonna respect my Saiyan side AND my Earthling side. It's okay that I wanna be a little adventurous. 'Sides, Daddy has enough to do!

Oh, I bet this new baby is going to be everything she wants.

Gohan froze in mid flight.No. No. This new baby wasn't gonna change that. His mom still loved him! Sure, she had trouble understanding him sometimes but—

She's gonna love it more.

No. Gohan shook his head violently.No, she's not.

And so is Daddy.

Oh, that was a kick to the heart and Gohan actually muttered out loud. "No, he won't."

He will. You know he will. How can he not? This new baby hasn't KILLED him.

Landing rather abruptly, Gohan tried to refocus. He was being ridiculous.Focus, refocus, he told himself.Get the honey for Mom then you can help her with some of the cooking. That'll make her happy.

Until you burn everything...

No! No, he could still learn a lot from her and he'd show her that he WANTED to!

Before the baby does it better.

Gohan lost count of the honey jars he filled. That became his primary directive. Fill the jars and make sure to get the thick combs. Those were always the best ones.

Looking down at his collection, he considered his last three jars.

Mom would really like lavender honey. It would make her happy, it would make her smile.

There was the complication of the Mountain Hornets. They were big, almost 20 centimeters long sometimes and their sting burned like acid or so he was told. Daddy had shown him once when they were training for the Androids with the distinct warning to stay away. In that stern, I'm-not-kidding tone.

Daddy said to stay away and at that time, he'd been able to go Super Saiyan and kill Freeza.

But Gohan had taken on Cell. No regular bug would come close.

And he HAD made Mom sad. When she'd found out that he wasn't excited about the baby, her face had fallen like broken glass. She'd tried to cover it but he could see it. Could feel it.

The new baby won't hurt her like that.

Daddy, much as said otherwise, Gohan knew that he was disappointed. How could he not be? Daddy was thrilled about another baby. He was ecstatic; he'd not seen his father that happy in a long time.

It will be better than you.

Lifting his box to his shoulder, Gohan turned but not for home.

The field of lavender flowers wasn't too far.

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

It was a hidden little valley, tucked away behind a series of streams and large ferns. Far too easy to miss if you weren't looking for it. Gohan himself had only found it when Daddy showed it to him during the three year training for the Androids.

Sharp rock faces framed the valley and huge, looming trees cropped up almost in straight lines. They were mainly clustered near the cliff faces but a few of them littered the edge of the flowing river. If you followed the river far enough, it would dip between two sharp rocks and then crash down to rejoin the flowing streams that ran through all of the Paozu mountain range. The rest of the valley floor was painted in green clovers most of the time.

Right now though, the valley floor was coated in lavender flowers. Everywhere you took a step, there were bunches upon bunches of them. They'd shown it to ChiChi for her birthday a few years ago and it was one of her favorite places to have picnics.

Gohan set his box down by the entrance, far enough from the river edge close enough to grab it quickly if need be. Even as the smell of the lavender plants almost overwhelmed him, he heard the distinct buzz of bees.

It didn't take him long to locate the hive. The largest tree in the valley, halfway up. He was nearly ready to start making his fire to smoke the bees when he saw the telltale mud designs.

Right above the tree, on the cliff face, were curved and slopping mud cones. Maybe a good half mile when all was said and done, curving up-up-up into the highest of the cliff. Right near the bugs and small insects and lizards that served as their main diet.

Gohan sat there, cross legged on the ground and watched, waited. It was probably the largest nest he had ever seen but it blended so effortlessly into the rock that he nearly missed it. Now that he was focused though, he heard the low deep hum of larger wings.

Sure enough, after a moment, he saw one of the brown Mountain Wasps emerge and settle near the wet ground of the river, drinking up a supply of water.

Mountain wasps or Giant Rock Wasps as they were sometimes called were one of the few things on the mountain that Daddy said were dangerous, even to a Super Saiyan. Not hard to see why—they could get to almost twenty centimeters long and that wasn't counting the larger Queen. The stinger itself could be ten to fifteen centimeters long depending. The one Gohan was currently watching would probably barely fit in an outstretched palm and he could see the sharp stinger from here.

They had a pretty bad toxin according to Daddy. From Gohan's research, it had a neuro and myotoxin so you'd get seizures and start bleeding real easily. They didn't give a huge dose with each sting but they never stopped at one. Plus, they were swarmers. Contrary to popular belief which raising your ki could form a barrier, being swarmed made it harder to focus and once one sting got in, the toxin made it harder to focus. Cold and hot weather did the same thing.

They were currently positioned just above the honey hive. Crawling through their huge nest and slipping in and out for water or bugs.

Right now, Gohan wasn't in any danger. As long as he didn't bother them or their nest, they'd leave him alone. It was intimating but nit dangerous. Mom was overreacting like she usually did.

Clearing away a spot for the small fire and making sure to scourge and clear the earth in a wide circle around his planned spot, Gohan pursed his lips.

Is it overreacting when you're right? When you come home and announce your father is dead?

No. No focusing on that now.Mom and Dad said it wasn't my fault.

Of course they did. They're your parents. They HAVE to say that! Was Mom there? Does she KNOW what her 'little boy' did?

Doesn't matter—

And Dad. Oh, yes, how proud he must be to have a son that became as bad as his enemy. Who chose to play and scoff and tease and for what? To let his father die!

It wasn't like that..

Gohan set his eyes on the flint and stone in front of him. Strike. Strike. Strike. Little spark. That would catch fire quick. Harder than using ki but wouldn't attract as much attention.

And of course they're excited for a new baby! They'd been planning it a while. As soon as they knew you were never going to live up to their expectations—

That's not what happened!

Isn't it? It's not weird that they're totally fine with just you until you start to mess up so horribly? Who failed on Namek? Eh? Who failed against the Saiyans? Who failed against Garlic Junior? Daddy just saw a pattern and knew he had to do SOMETHING about it!

He didn't...he wouldn't...

The fire grew hotter, quicker than Gohan had expected. Smoke stung into his eyes. Shaking his head, he pushed air onto the base and it gradually grew. He ignored the increased buzzing; it would only take a few minutes.

He would. He did. He knew. Both him and Mom have been nothing but disappointed in you! Mom says it all the time! She said this morning!

That's different! She's trying to fix that! She doesn't mean it—

She does! She does! And Daddy—

Daddy doesn't think like that about me! Neither him or Mom do! You're lying...you're...my emotions are just raw right now, that's all...Gohan shook his head. Why was he arguing with himself?

Are they? Why else get pregnant RIGHT before the Cell Games? Daddy KNEW you would fail. Mom KNEW you would fail. They were making a back up plan for when it happened.

No, they weren't! Shut up!

If you were so sure, you wouldn't be so mad. You KNOW they were! Awfully convenient that Daddy was home for three YEARS and it's only JUST before the Cell Games that Mom gets pregnant, eh?

No. No, it's not THAT weird. It's just coincidence. That's all. That's ALL it is!

The fire was building and by now the smoke should have silenced most of the bees. There was still a low humming sound but not too much. Snatching his jars, Gohan scaled up to the hive and began to pull and grab and harvest the honey with nary a forethought. "Just coincidence," he said out loud. "That's all."

Why do you think Daddy REALLY came back?

Gohan's vision was blurry, messy. "Uh Uh..."

You could feel the baby's ki. You think Daddy couldn't? He KNEW! THAT'S why he came back. Not for you!

Sharp, throbbing, burning pain suddenly broke through Gohan's neck, right under the chin. It was actually a welcomed distraction at first as the doubts and fears pouring through his head shut up out of necessity. The next instant was a different feeling altogether.

Biting and burning pain but all concentrated in a single point. It nearly felt like a focused ki strike—but unlike a ki strike, it didn't stay in one spot. In only a few seconds, it felt like a burn, a flame lit under his skin that spread like an ink stain, soaking into the nearby skin. The further from the point it got, the stronger the pain and before long, his nerves were singing.

Smack!

Gohan's pain erupted with the same agony that coated the left side of his neck, sending burning tendrils of pain up his fingertips until his wrist bones trembled in protest. He barely made out a hornet smashed in his palm, it's stinger still trembling with the force it had punctured him with.

"D-damn!"

The low humming that he'd been ignoring was now suddenly deafening. The air around him that had been empty seemingly moments before was suddenly full of dozens of the huge brown hornets and they were all settled on him.

That was all the warning he really received before the pricks and acidic feeling was hitting him everywhere. His clothes didn't provide much protection; the stingers went through them like butter. It was the trembling, the burning and shaking that took over his mind now. His stomach rolled and twisted. Throwing up suddenly seemed a wonderful idea.

No. Gohan stared at the jar in his hand. Half filled, his last jar.No. He'd come out here to get lavender honey and he wasn't leaving with out it. He OWED it to his mother!

He dug his hands back into hive, scrapping out the last few combs, the largest ones he could see. They dripped, rich and full and under normal circumstances, he would have been sneaking a taste.

With hands that barely turned or curved as they already were swollen with welts (he looked like he had plums and oranges under his skin) Gohan twisted the lid tight, even as he swatted at the next swarm of hornets. Not the best response but the concept of summoning a burst of ki was alien now; with so many messages of pain rocking through his body, the ability to focus was all but done.

His flight was even faltering, something that he hadn't done in years. Even as he tried to withdraw, jars clutched close at hand, he fumbled and dipped. The ground greeted him rather harshly and a few stings on his upper thighs and backside only added to the pain.

"Go away!" Gohan felt a little odd screaming at bugs and it did little good aside from allowing one of the more sadistic of the things to sting him on the lip—twice.

"What did I do to you?!" He snarked and tripped in his attempt to swat the offending bugs away and by now, all his muscles were quivering and fire ran through his veins. Every muscle was cramping and he felt a little bile just in the back of his mouth. He kept a firm grip on the jars, regardless. He would not leave without them.

Territorial.

The word came seemingly out of nowhere but it connected fairly beastly. Hornets, especially mountain hornets, were territorial. He may have been smoking the bees but it was close enough to disturb the hornets—not enough to knock them out, just irritate them.

Great. Somehow knowing why he was being swarmed and sting and chased did little to alleviate his feelings on the situation.

Sudden and sharp piercing pain suddenly erupted in his upper leg, on the back. Over and over and over. The pain didn't even have time to spread before another dose was being plunged into skin.

Damn thing was in his clothes!

Without bothering to think, Gohan leapt to one foot, pried his slacks off and swung them like a bat at the stinging insects. It killed several of them but more and more just swarmed in to take their place.

He was hot now, dizzy and he fell to the ground three more times. The pain had grown from horrific to excruciating. Like someone was taking a drill through his fingernails, only it was everywhere. Over every cell. His blood must have been boiling. There was an odd tint to his vision, around the edges. It created a blurry frame and it was spreading.

River.

The sudden realization made Gohan all but sob with relief. He set the jars down in the dirt and ran—a stumbling, tripping, falling mess—towards the sound of flowing water. Maybe this would work, maybe it wouldn't but it was cold. It was soothing. For right now, that was enough!

He half jumped, half rolled through the muddy bank and crashed into the water with all the grace of a drunken walrus. The cold water shocked the system but hornets didn't follow him into the water. Opening his eyes though, he cursed them under his breath.

They were hovering, waiting for him to resurface.What kind of things were these?He pondered, again, extinguishing them with a ki blast but he couldn't focus. Every muscle, every nerve was shouting at him, screaming at him and he couldn't concentrate. It was different from when he was injured in battle. In battle, his adrenaline helped him to determine goals and setting out to do it.

Killing Cell had been necessary and all other things had died away. He hadn't felt the exhaustion, the pain, the burning until the battle was over and done.

Right now, all he could think about was the pain: scalding, piercing, burning, clenching. His muscles were running under his skin, his lungs were struggling and his sight...well, that was fading because of the blurriness.

His arms were rigid as he swam, swollen and red, as he tried to put some distance between him and the horde before he had to surface for air. It didn't seem to be doing much good, given he could still hear their dreadful hum.

Breaking the surface with a deep inhale of air, Gohan was surprised and pleasantly so that there were significantly less this time. Maybe half. Had they started to lose interest in him?

"Hi-ya!"

The remaining half suddenly erupted in a ball of flame with the appearance of a very familiar shout. The creatures dissolved to ash and the humming that had been haunting his ears stopped.

Turning, slowly both from anticipation and pain, the young half Saiyan recognized those work boots anywhere. Even as he accepted the arm that pulled him from the water, he felt inclined to offer, "This isn't as bad as it looks, Daddy."

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

"Daddy, will you please say something?"

The silence was driving Gohan crazy. After pulling him out of the river, Goku had looked his son up and down then grabbed him by the hand, pulling him off. Gohan had pleaded that they not leave Mom's honey and after a moment and a look that froze Gohan's blood, Goku had retrieved it. After that, he'd taken the boy's hand again, paused only long enough for Gohan to grab his clothes then they were off.

Thus, their current state: a good ways off from that valley but not quite home yet. It was a clearing they'd been to several times for camping and the old logs and fire rings remained.

Goku had been sitting next to a pot of boiled water for a while, cutting and grinding herbs together. He still had yet to say a single word and that was more unnerving than any amount of yelling. Gohan almost WANTED his father to yell at him if only to get it over with. The silence was worse, the look of disappointment was far worse.

When Goku didn't respond, Gohan went back to an old tactic, one he had not used in years. Head down, looking at the ground, he let his eyes well up and sniffed noticeably.

"Don't start."

Well, not exactly what he wanted to hear but at least his father had said something. He still wasn't looking at him though, just mixing some of the herbs with the hot water. It seemed that they weren't ready for talking yet.

So, Gohan sat, wrapped his arms around his legs and rocked slightly back and forth. It caused the stings one particularly sadistic hornet had left on his right buttock to hurt but he had to do something. Just sitting there was driving him crazy.

Gohan just left his outer clothes off. The stings had swollen so much that he wasn't even sure that he could get them back on right now. Even the shirt, which was fairly loose, had felt tight when he tried. Now, it had grass stains all over it. Mom was going to be so mad; that was one of his better shirts.

So much for making her feel better.

"Alright, c'mere, son."

Jumping to his feet at the command, walking took a bit more prowess and Gohan bite his tongue to keep from complaining. Daddy was pissed—not something he was very often; he wouldn't want to hear any whining. So, head up and throat shut, the boy walked over and his father patted his crossed legs. After a moment delay, the boy flopped down on his father's lap.

Goku still didn't say anything else but he took the mashed herbs which he'd formed into a green paste and started to paint them over the boy's swollen stings.

The first, one on Gohan's neck, he did first and almost the instant it was applied, Gohan yelped, involuntarily. It stung! A low burning sensation that gradually grew in intensity and it was so hot—

A low blowing of air on it eased the pain a bit and Gohan blinked up as his father blew another puff of air on the swollen skin.

"I know. I know it stings."

There it was; that gentleness that Gohan knew so well. There it was. Still covered by eyes of frustration, anger, worry but they were there.

Goku scooped up another bit of paste and continued.

It was a long and lengthy process. One sting after another after another. Gohan counted twenty by the time they got to the one on his left ankle. It occurred to him that he likely looked like a spotted lizard. On most circumstances, he'd have made a quip about it but it didn't seem right. Much as his father was tending the stings (and after the paste stopped burning, it did start to ease the pain), there was an unspoken seriousness that demanded silence. Gohan had not experienced it very often with his father but often enough to recognize it for what it was.

"Any more, son?" Goku's inquiry was matter of fact but far softer and warmer than when they'd first started. Good. That meant he was calming down. Hopefully. Daddy angry was a rarity and not one Gohan liked to visit.

"I think there's one...here." Gohan ran his hand over the seat of his boxers, on the right side.

Now Goku winced. "They're nasty little boogers, aren't they? Stand up, lemme see."

Slowly, Gohan obeyed and lowered his boxers to just above his knees, stopping them at mid-thigh.

"Yep, I see two good ones. Hold still."

Gohan did so, bit his lip against the stinging and pulled the pants back up when Goku said they were done. The stinging died after a minute, as the others had. Shifting to face his father as the man stood, he lowered his head again. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"Sorry because of what you did or sorry you got stung or because you got caught?"

Taking a moment to process the thought, Gohan answered, "A little of all of them, I guess."

Goku shrugged, managed a smile. "At least you're being honest with me." He knelt down and set his son with a stern look. "Then you know—"

"I'm in trouble, I know." Gohan interrupted.

Goku nodded. "You are. I'm willin' to bet that your Mom told you—again—that lavender honey wasn't worth it." He raised a brow. "Didn't she?"

Nodding, head still down, Gohan answered, "She did."

"And you chose to just ignore that? Strong as you are, son, your mother is still your mother. If she or I tell you to do something—or NOT to do something, what are you supposed to do?"

Still fixated on the ground, Gohan answered with a half whisper. "To listen."

Lifting his face to the sky, Goku exhaled, as if the entire weight of the world was on his shoulders. He loved his son deeply but this was by far his least favorite aspect of parenting. "Gohan, if those hornets hadn't already done a number on you, I've a half mind to put a sting in your tail myself." He hardened his face. "This isn't new. You know the rules—and you went against them anyway!"

"For Mom!" Gohan felt inclined to protest and it erupted into a shout. "I wanted to make her smile! She's sad and frustrated and I KNEW lavender honey would make her smile!" He broke off, covered his mouth. "Sorry, Daddy." Nothing, nothing right, he was doing nothing right. Everything hurt, his clothing was ruined, Mom would be sad AND mad now, Daddy was disappointed and they had everyone coming out for the party in a few hours!

See...you're not good enough.

Gohan slapped his hands over his face and bit his lip hard enough to draw blood before lamenting "I can't do anything right, lately!"

Goku's face softened and he reached down, plucking his son up and settling him on his hip, being mindful of the stings on the boy's backside. Here, almost face to face, Goku responded. "Hey." He reached up and gently moved the boy's hands and rubbed at the boy's wet cheeks. "Gohan, you messed up but it's not the end of the world. I want you to remember and learn but what's something I always tell you? What did I tell you in the Time Chamber that one night?"

The boy gathered himself. He remembered that all too well. He'd ignored his father's warnings and shot off into the whiteness on his own. It had taken some time for the consequences to sink in but once they did, he'd almost crumbled in regret and fear. He'd never been so happy to see his father when they finally found each other. The punishment Goku gave him had been solely earned in his mind but still his father had reassured him:

"It's not you that needs fixing, just some of your thinking." Gohan repeated it, verbatim and Goku smiled at him, nodding approval.

"That's still true outside the Time Chamber, little man." He laid his forehead against his son's and the two stayed quiet a moment. The connection was unspoken but Gohan understood it—mistakes had been made but he was not hated. As Daddy often said, 'just what you did I ain't happy with, not you.'

After a moment to let the comfort sink in, Goku pulled back. "Son, I appreciate you wanted to make her smile but you needa think it through! You could have come up with another way to make her happier if it was that important to you, couldn't you?"

Well, there was no denying that. It might have taken some time but yes. But, Gohan hadn't wanted to wait or think, he'd wanted to make her happy NOW.

"I guess so. I was just...I wanted to do something real special and I know she likes that for her cakes and..." Gohan trailed off. "I wanted to make her smile."

"I get that." Goku meant that. "You've always been our givin' little boy. But that don't mean you can just toss aside what your Mom tell you to do, understand?"

Nodding, Gohan relented. "'M sorry, Daddy. I shoulda thought it out." The more he thought on it, the more he wanted to kick himself. Being impulsive and emotional had led him into trouble before. Why couldn't he let that lesson really take?

Goku nodded. "Yeah, you should have. But you'll have the next week to practice that."

Gohan could not resist a pout. "Grounded?"

Goku sighed. "I oughta say for a month for the heart attack you gave me and the one you'll give your mother when she sees you. But I think those hornets taught you more than I ever could. Two weeks. I don't want you leaving the yard unless me or your Mom is going with you."

"Stuck at home for two weeks?!" Gohan was fairly certain he was whining but given his aching body, his nerves still frazzled from the stings and adrenaline flood, and all the emotions rushing through his head, he couldn't find the energy to care. "Two weeks?!"

"I think that's fair." Goku knelt and picked up the honey from the ground before handing Gohan his clothes. "Don't you worry about being bored. Daddy's got PLENTY for you to do."

Gohan slumped and laid against his father's shoulder. He knew what that meant and with the farm still being established, he could only imagine! His father had told him many a time how he and Krillin had plowed fields by hand. "So it's imprisonment AND hard labor."

Goku lifted one brow at his son. "I could always let your mom decide when we get home."

Wincing, Gohan shook his head at the many possibilities THAT conjured up. "...your deal sounds fair."

"Thought so." Goku felt inclined to add. "You can still come to the party today, son. That seems a bit cruel to me. But I think you're probably going to wanna sleep a bit before the others get here. That medicine'll make you sleepy and I almost had to bathe you in it."

The boy had been feeling that for a while. Thought it was just an adrenaline crash but apparently not. He didn't take his head off Goku's shoulder and said "You won't let me miss it?"

"Naw. I'll get ya up, I promise. Just rest though. Let the medicine work those stings. I'll even handle your Mom for you."

Gohan didn't answer. Wasn't much to say. Daddy was being more than fair and the prospect of just lying here, not a worry in the world was too tempting to pass up. Maybe he was getting too old for this—for Daddy to carry home and pamper. After all, the new baby was going to need a lot of that.

At that thought, Gohan tightened just grip on the man's neck as they headed for home.

Baby's not here yet...

Chapter 10

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

"Two weeks? That's all?"

Goku frowned in response and caught the pans that ChiChi tossed his way without much fuss. She was always frenzied when getting ready for guests, no matter how close they were. She'd act this way if it was just her father coming over.

"Seemed fair to me. Poor kid had enough stings to cover at least two weeks' worth. And I'm gonna have him help me with the farming. I've got some tilling, chopping and puttin' in a fence to do. I'll keep 'em busy."

ChiChi paused in her fretting, sighed heavily and turned around. "I should be flattered. All that fuss for me." She picked up the jar of lavender honey and smiled. "He's a sweet boy, Goku."

The Saiyan nodded. "I know he is. Thinks with his heart sometimes more than his head."

Chuckling, ChiChi spun about, laying against her husband's chest and flicking his nose with her finger. "Gee, I wonder where he gets that from?"

"Both of us." Goku answered without fail. "Why donch'a go talk to him, Chi? I'll start prepping the meat. The others'll be here soon!"

Raising a brow, she countered, "Goku, I think you're the only one that'll be interested in wolf—-"

"Gohan likes it."

Rolling her eyes, she remarked "Because he's his father's son." Her eyes softened. "But maybe I should talk to him."

Goku nodded "I think you should, Chi. He was tryin' to impress you, to make you happy."

"He already makes me happy!" She declared, head held high. "Every day that he's alive, he makes me happy!"

Goku smirked at her. "I know that. And I've told him that. But he's strugglin' with this baby. Maybe he just needs ya to remind him." He shrugged. "Can't hurt."

ChiChi laid her hands on her belly. It hadn't begun to round out yet. Soon though it would and she longed for the movement that would start to come. "I thought he would be happy." She said aloud, colored by a sigh. "He used to beg us and beg us for a sibling." She looked upward, locked eyes with her husband. "Did we wait too long, Goku?"

Approaching her, the Saiyan cupped her chin. "Hey. This baby is gonna be special just like our Gohan is. It's coming now 'cause it's coming now. Gohan's just having a hard time with it. Go be his Mama. You're good at that." Looking at the clock, Goku added. "The drowsiness from those herbs has probably worn off by now."

She considered a moment more then nodded. "Alright. Don't try to set anything else up, Goku. We'll handle that in a minute."

"I can set up a simple table, Chi—"

"Goku! Please?"

He never could do much when she took on that tone. "Okay, okay, I promise."

With a smile and shake of her head, ChiChi added "We have enough fish for everyone, right?"

She left her suggestion as just that and she heard the door slam open and shut before she'd turned the corner. She probably should have been angry but she hadn't the heart. Goku would be Goku, after all!

Stopping just outside her son's door, she paused, considered. It used to be when he was a toddler, nothing would phase her but now, she realized abruptly that her son, while not a stranger, was not someone she knew very well. She used to think she knew him like the back of her hand but the Gohan she knew would not have disobeyed her, would gave trusted her to know best.

That Gohan had vanished when he was five years old. She saw glimpses of him now and again but her son grew and changed and shifted right under her eyes.

Was that another reason she had clung so to his routine studying? To pretend her son was still little? Foolish, perhaps but she had no doubts that she would fight tooth and nail for every second of this coming child's innocence.

And what little her Gohan still had.

They'd drifted apart, become almost unsure with one another. Now, it was high time they became comfortable again. Maybe not like when he was little (she was not foolish enough to wish for that) but a new connection all the same. She was making an effort and while her Gohan had grown and changed, his huge heart remained.

She knocked once, as a symbol of entry then pushed the door inward. She found Gohan stretched out on his bed but he turned over at her entry and quickly moved to sit upright.

Poor thing. The swelling had gone done but there were still very obvious red bumps all over his body and he still appeared flushed to her. She took a seat on the edge of the bed and smiled at him. "Are you feeling better, Gohan?"

He shrugged. "Itchy and my muscles ache a little bit but better."

"Good." She reaches out and stroked his hair back. "Gohan, I'm flattered but you didn't need to risk yourself for me."

Gohan set his eyes to the ground, lightly kicked his feet back and forth. "I wanted to make you happy."

"Gohan, you always make me happy."

Lifting his head, Gohan set her with a look and shook his head. "No, I don't. You haven't been happy with what I've been doing since I was four."

ChiChi closed her eyes. "I...Gohan, Moms and Dads make mistakes too. I was never disappointed in YOU just the path you were taking."

"And the reason I wanted to take it. You were disappointed in what I liked and what was important to me. That's being disappointed in me." He kept his tone even keel.

ChiChi pulled her son close. "Have I really made you think that?"

He didn't answer.

A pain cut her heart. "I'm sorry, Gohan. I never meant to do that to you. I wanted you safe, healthy, happy. I guess I never bothered to think of what happy meant to you, always thought I knew best. And in some ways I DO know best. I can't undo it. But I can say I'm sorry."

The boy looked up at her, his eyes wide. She supposed that was earned. How often did she admit to being wrong? Her pride had always told her to be strong and firm, like the mountain she'd grown up in.

Goku had told her, not even three nights ago, that he was proud of her for trying so hard and that he knew it was rough on her. He'd told her "Stop trying to be the mountain. It'll crumble ya. Be bamboo."

Maybe her husband was wiser than even he realized. Bamboo. To bend and give but be strong all the while. Was that why their son was so easy going and yet so strong? He'd become more bamboo than mountain.

Well, maybe it was time to truly work at this. "I meant what I said this morning, son. I'm trying, I really am and I know it's going to be hard. I know you're going to think on what I used to say and think and believe and we're gonna hafta deal with that as it comes." She shook her head. "But you never have to do anything to MAKE me happy. You're my son. That's enough."

Gohan managed a small smile. There was some light behind his eyes again but he said with sadness weighing it down, "I made you sad because I'm not thrilled about the baby. I feel bad 'cause of that, Mom. You and Daddy are so happy and excited but I'm...not."

ChiChi took a breath. "Gohan, I'll admit, I was a little upset when I found out you weren't excited but I can't control that anymore than you can control being disappointed. But I can promise you that it's not going to be that bad."

"Can you?" Gohan asked simply. "I mean, you're already giving half my room away." He froze, mid sentence and clamped his hands over his mouth. "Sorry, Sorry—"

"Uh Uh," ChiChi reached out and gently pried at his fingers. "No more of this. We've done too much of this. TALK to me, son!"

He bit his lower lip tight. "No point. What I want doesn't change anything, Mom. I don't want Daddy to give up that meditation room and I don't wanna give up my room but I can't have both. I know that."

ChiChi considered a moment. "Gohan, I think sharing a room with your sibling won't be as bad as you think it will. You'll be able to play with them, read to them get to know them—"

"Yeah. And they'll pester me, get in my stuff and when I complain about that, I'll get told that they're just a baby and can't I work with them?" Gohan eyed her. "I've read books and movies, Mom. Parents always side with the baby."

ChiChi raised a brow. "Oh, so you're a regular expert on siblings, aren't you?" She flopped against the back wall. "Much as it might surprise you, Gohan, what books and movies teach you isn't always accurate. I'm glad you're reading up on it—but maybe you needa talk to someone that HAS a sibling."

Gohan frowned. "Daddy had one. He kidnapped me."

ChiChi ground her teeth. "Raditz was an exception to the rule, Gohan, not the rule." She pondered this a moment before inquiring, "Son, do you think your feelings about your Daddy and Raditz might be coloring your feelings some?"

Pausing, Gohan thought on it. He'd never considered it and while it didn't seem like it was, it wasn't unheard of for things like that to happen. His mom was right that aside from books and movies, he really only had his father's brother as an example of a sibling and he was hardly a rousing endorsement. "I don't know."

It was an honest response. He'd not considered it. Was it? The same way the battle with Cell never truly left his mind? That Super Saiyan 2 state that still gave him nightmares and excitement all at the same time—one reason he had yet to enter it again since—the mind numbing cold that had taken his heart when Daddy initially refused to come back.

His mind was a jumble with so many things it felt overwhelming.

He didn't even realize that his mother had pulled him into her side until he felt her nails gently combing his hair. "You take on so much that you don't need to Gohan. I can't help ya with the battles and such but your father can. I can tell ya that maybe we need to find you someone with a sibling...a healthy relationship!—so they can ease your mind some, hmm?"

"Like who?" That was a reasonable inquiry. Fact of the matter was that they didn't know any—

"After the party, why don't you ask Aunt Bulma about her sister."

"WHAT? BULMA HAS A SISTER?"

Notes:

One element I do like is the character of "Tights."

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Parties were never a small matter where their friends were concerned. Maybe it came from the fact that all their friends were used to having to feed Goku which could certainly be a miracle. Maybe she overdid it at times because of that fact.

It was rare to have so many people at their little house though but ChiChi had to admit that she rather liked it. She'd warmed up to Krillin over the years and the fact that the others had remained to help Gohan fight Cell had won them points with her. The overall feeling of just having a ton of people who genuinely cared for her family, despite their flaws, was enough to ease any anxiety she had over anything.

Piccolo, as always, was sticking to the side, away from everyone and Gohan had rushed to greet him nearly as soon as he'd seen him. Good. Maybe Piccolo would be good for him; the Namekian spent most of his time on the Lookout, helping Dende. Maybe some time with Dende couldn't hurt either. ChiChi's heart sank briefly as she realized aside from the people here, her son had no other friends but the Namekian child. No wonder this change was so hard. She made a mental note to work on changing that. He needed more people his own age to pal around with!

Bulma was quick to snag the Son family matriarch's attention while Goku kept Vegeta entertained, as much as the Saiyan Prince could be. Goku was talented at conversation but sometimes it was a challenge even for him. ChiChi was glad to let Bulma be a distraction for now. Plus, those cakes that she had brought smelled so good and the baby within her was being quite vocal that she try some now!

OOO

"Your brat hasn't been training that new form." It was a statement, not a question and Goku found that he was not fond of the insinuation of it. He swallowed the dumpling in his mouth and countered.

"Not yet."

"It's a foolish mistake." Vegeta set his eyes on Gohan, chattering away with the Namekian. "Your brat tapped into a new level and he's not taking advantage of it?" The Saiyan Prince folded his arms, if possible, even tighter into his chest.

"He's not ready." Goku insisted. "He tapped into that form cause he had to, Vegeta, not because it was planned." He didn't touch on the fact he had wondered the same thing many a time. Gohan always loved a good spar with him but no matter what, the boy never attempted that form. Not once. When Goku brought it up, Gohan always stepped around the question, said there was no point when it would allow him to curb stop any opponent.

He wasn't wrong but Goku knew it was deeper. He'd just not found the proper way to address it yet. The Saiyan has his suspicions but with the emotional change around this baby, Goku was loathe to make his son examine something else that was hard on the heart.

The Saiyan Prince scoffed. "He's afraid. You can smell it on him. "

Goku frowned. "Can't blame him. The battle with Cell wasn't an easy one. It hasn't really been that long. Plus he's ...having a hard time with...the news we called you all here about." There. He hadn't spoiled ChiChi's news. Not directly.

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Your woman is pregnant. I can feel it and aside from my Woman every single person here can feel it too if they've half the sense to look. They just aren't alert enough to notice...too distracted by this socialization mess. It's a waste of time Kakarot!"

Goku narrowed his eyes. "Well, they haven't noticed yet and ChiChi wanted to tell them. Don't take that from her, Vegeta."

There was an unspoken threat in that tone and the Saiyan Prince rolled his eyes again with a half grunt. If he was worried, it was hidden from his eyes. "None of my concern. Your brat isn't taking it well?"

"Not completely." Goku didn't give much more beyond that. He doubted that Vegeta would be much help but despite everything, he still considered the man a friend. He didn't need to hear his jabs right now though.

Vegeta shrugged but didn't seem as caustic as he normally appeared. If anything, he almost seemed to relate if only for a moment. "And the fight for position begins." It was said with distance, as if the Saiyan Prince were contemplating something decades away.

"Don't say that." Goku's tone was dark with heavy sincerity. "There's no fight for position with us, Vegeta. They're both my kids."

"There is always a fight for position, Kakarott. Be it animal, human or Saiyan. There is always a fight for position. Pretend there is not all you want but your brat has already caught onto it." Vegeta turned to face him and elaborated "It's always been such with Saiyans. Rank is determined by power not birth right. Had a younger sibling been stronger than me, they would have taken my rank until I won it back. Your boy's blood knows. It knows position is only temporary unless you lay stake to it."

Goku's eyes were cold, piercing and the tone he carried was threatening, a promise of physical retaliation if pushed further. "Not my family."

OOO

"You were a damn fool."

Gohan gave a sheepish grin at his mentor. The dots of color around his body had reduced in size and pain but they were still very obvious. He surmised he looked like an odd type of clown so Piccolo's rebuke really was well earned.

"I was just thinking about making Mom happy—"

"You weren't thinking at all." Piccolo all but spat though Gohan after so many years, recognized the concern wrapped in censure. "Your father is a lot damn nicer than I would have been."

There was no arguing that. "I'm glad you could come, Piccolo." He shifted the subject, rather abruptly, "Even if you don't eat."

Piccolo scoffed. "I'd rather show up than have you or your father pester me about it." The slight twitch to his eye and lighting of his voice was a betrayal of his affection and Gohan smiled at it. No point in pushing further. That was all he needed to hear from Piccolo to be satisfied.

"Alright, alright, everyone shut up!"

Leave it to Bulma to get a whole jabbering cluster of martial artists' attention. No megaphone needed for her! Under most circumstances, Gohan would have laughed at it but now, it just brought to the front of his mind WHY they were all here.

ChiChi stepped out with Bulma by her side and waited until all the talking and mingling stopped. Even Goku put down his plate to give her the moment she'd asked for.

Hand on her belly which was hardly more rounded than normal, ChiChi declared, head high. "Thanks to all of you for coming! It's nice to get everyone together more than once every half decade."

Bulma looked pointedly at Goku who shrugged in self defense. ChiChi just laughed.

"But Goku and I called you all here so you could celebrate with us!" She patted her belly again and grinned wide as the sun and just as bright. "We're having another baby soon! Come winter of this year, there'll be a new little Son member!"

Bulma's squeal hurt Gohan's ears.

"Really?! You're having another kiddo! Oh ChiChi, our kids will be playmates!"

Gohan observed his mother and Bulma for a while. Not talking just watching them. Laughing and Bulma circling his mother and putting her hands on her belly and grinning and jabbering about names, clothes and decorations.

Mom's face was warm and nearly glowing. Gohan thought that was just a phase but now that Grandpa had rushed over to hug her and Bulma started pulling up sites or pictures on her phone, Mom really did light up, as if all her ki was in her face. He saw Daddy go over when Grandpa shouted for him but he did turn and look at Gohan first.

That felt good, someone thinking of him and not just that unborn baby.

A strong hand on his shoulder made him turn.

Krillin set him with a knowing smile. "This is what you were upset about, huh?"

Head bowed, Gohan felt shame creep into his heart but it didn't change the feelings—the fear, the anger, the...unfairness of it all. Just made him feel bad for feeling it.

He didn't answer.

Nodding to himself, Krillin pulled a plate from the table, layered it with food before pushing it into Gohan's grip. The boy stumbled, just a bit, surprised.

But then the ex-monk was wrapping his arm around the half Saiyan's shoulders and saying, "C'mon, little buddy. Let's talk."

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

"Is this why you were acting so weird?"

Gohan shoveled some food into his mouth but he gave a nod at the inquiry. Looking towards the main collection of gathered friends, everyone had surrounded his parents and were wishing them and the baby good fortune. Bulma was all but kissing his mother's stomach even though she didn't really look pregnant yet.

But they looked so happy—Mom really WAS glowing. And Daddy was laughing like he hadn't in a long time. They were so happy.

And he felt all manner of horrible for hating it.

Krillin leaned back against one of the nearby trees. Gohan was so focused on that plate that Krillin was rather surprised he had not shattered the thing or at least burned a hole through it. It kept the boy's focus though. Harder to lie and deflect if you had more than one thing on your mind.

"Not looking forward to sharing your parents?"

Gohan finally answered that one verbally. "Not fair. It's not fair Krillin."

The ex monk nodded. "Nope. It's not. But didn't you used to tell me you wanted a sibling? Before the Androids and everything?"

Groaning, the boy nodded "I did. But...not anymore."

Krillin frowned, just for a brief moment. "Well, why not anymore? What changed?"

Gohan say silent for a moment. Blocking out the excitement of everyone else was fairly easy. Krillin had that effect on people. "Well, I dunno. I guess...it never happened so I just got used to the idea that it wouldn't. Then, all the stuff with the Androids and then Daddy was finally gonna be home and we were gonna get to be a family without having to worry about someone trying to kill Daddy or conquer the world or whatever...we were finally gonna have peace."

Looking up at his friend, Gohan stated. "We haven't had that since I was four. And now, I was finally going have it back." He stared at his plate and tried to resist the urge to scream. "It was going to just be us. Everything was perfect. Mom decided to ease up on the books with me. Daddy and I were going to train. Mom and I were going to cook. We were going to repeat Daddy's trip around the world."

Krillin offered. "And now you can't do that?"

"Not now. And if we DO do it, it won't be the same. This was gonna just be for us. Just me, Mom and Dad." He gave in and the plate crumbled to dust in his hands. "It's not fair! Is that some horrible thing to want, Krillin? Just for us to be a family without something trying to kill us for once?"

Krillin shook his head. "It's not a lot to ask, Kiddo."

"It must be!" Gohan stood up and pushed past the nearby trees, stomping his way through the bamboo. He felt angry, livid, sad, frightened and any number of others emotions but as furious as he was at the prospect, he refused to ruin his mother and father's celebration.

Krillin paused for just a minute to wave to a concerned Goku and ChiChi before heading after the boy. The kid wasn't flying which was a relief. While Krillin had been flying a lot longer than Gohan, somewhere along the line, the kid had surpassed him.

Gohan didn't go too far though. Just far enough away that the sounds of the party faded. Krillin found him sitting on the ground amid one of the few clearings, resting his chin on his knees.

The boy didn't protest his approach so Krillin plopped down next to him. "You really don't ask for much, Gohan." He started right where they'd left off, not even a hint of question at Gohan leaving. "You're probably the most unselfish kid alive."

"Not right now, I'm not." Gohan mused, eyes downcast "It's what it is. Mom is pregnant and the baby is coming no matter what I think. And I can't stop being mad and sad about it."

Krillin shrugged. "Well, who says you have to be happy?"

"I should be! It's a baby!"

Snorting a bit, Krillin remarked, "You say that like it's some magical word that is supposed to make you all giddy. If you're not thrilled about it...okay. Be not thrilled about it. Get angry. Vent. Scream. Punch. Whatever. You keeping it all bottled up is just gonna result in it exploding." He paused a moment "And we'd rather avoid that, Gohan."

The boy blinked up at Krillin and a moment later, the ex monk was on his feet and in a sparing position. "C'mon Gohan. Let it out."

The boy sat still a moment. It had been a few days since he'd spared but he always was careful to hyper focus AWAY from the baby when he did. But now Krillin was telling him to do the opposite.

Standing up, muscles clenched, Gohan's mind shifted. All the things he'd wanted to do. All the plans he had made with his parents. He shook his head. "I'm being selfish, Krillin."

"You've lived most of your life worrying about other people, Gohan. BE selfish for once."

All he wanted to do.

Just him and Daddy.

Just him and Mom.

Just the three of them.

For once. No fear, no threat. Just time to be...them.

Never again, never to be just "them" again. Never for him to be the only light in their lives again. That was gone.

It was gone.

"Hyaaa!"

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

"Man, you're fast!"

Krillin was starting to wonder if he had gotten in over his head but he could tell Gohan was holding his punches. He was still striking, attacking but he was keeping his strength in , even when I tell him to let loose, he's thinking of other people. This kid needs to just be a selfish brat for once.

The spar seemed to be helping though. He wasn't cursing or anything but that energy was getting out. Last thing they needed was for Gohan to keep it all bottled up. That never led to good things. With Super Saiyans, it was even more prominent. For Gohan, who'd always drawn his power from his emotions, well, it was almost a matter of survival.

"The brat needs more of a challenge than you."

Both Krillin and Gohan stopped mid punch and turned. It shouldn't have been a surprise to see Vegeta there. After all, if there was a fight, he was drawn to it. It was a miracle that he'd been able to stay as civil as he had thus far!

Gohan narrowed his eyes. "That's not what we were doing—"

"Yet your Saiyan blood calls to it," Oh, that smug look. It made Gohan see red.

"Well, if it is, why are YOU here? Even you're not a challenge anymore, Vegeta."

Oh, that hit a nerve. "Unlike you, brat, I've been training the new forms I've achieved. I haven't let them go dormant, useless as if they don't matter."

Gohan's voice stayed level, an amazing feat if one was being candid. He was already raw with emotion. "I don't need to tap into that form anymore."

"You are AFRAID of it." It was a statement not a question. "You failed with it once and now it commands you, not the other way around."

"Vegeta!" Krillin spoke out. "Shut up. Gohan defeated Cell! That's more than you did, Mr. Let's Make Cell Full Power First! Real wise move!"

Krillin didn't like this. The way Vegeta was eyeing Gohan. He was trying to goard the kid, trying to get him to lose himself. For what? Unless Vegeta had undergone some massive gain in power the past month or so, Gohan was so far beyond him that it was ridiculous.

Vegeta was determined though and oh that smug look was disgusting. "The boy fears himself. Almost as much as he fears this coming brat. He's submissive, refusing to stand up for his own blood! The brat is coming, whether you like it or not!" That sneer again "Are you you going to roll over and submit to it, as you do everything else?"

Gohan charged.

OOO

Goku and Piccolo both jerked from conversation at the same time. ChiChi was not blind to it. "Goku, what is it?"

"Gohan's ki just went through the roof."

Darting her eyes around, trying to see where her son had darted off to—she'd last seen him slip just inside the forest with Krillin!—she cursed her inability to feel ki. She had been trying over the past few weeks to understand the process her husband and son used but thus far, she'd been having limited success.

There was an eruption through the trees and that cleared up any mystery. Vegeta was on the defensive though and Gohan was at full power Super Saiyan completely wailing on him. Punch after punch, blast after blast. Several of those healing wasp stings had opened up and they were starting to bleed. All in all, that wasn't a tremendous deal though it would likely increase his pain again.

No what was much more disturbing was the utter rage on Gohan's face. The rage and sadness and fear all combined into a single expression of frustration and utter desperation. What had Vegeta done?

Goku frowned, strained his ears. Looking to Piccolo, he saw the twitch of the ears and that told him, more than ever that something was happening, something was being said that he needed to know. He'd TOLD Vegeta, warned him, told him that the Saiyan way did not apply to his son. Goku knew he had been clear.

Seeing Piccolo clench his fists told the Saiyan more than anything that this was not just Vegeta wanting a spar or to challenge himself. Goku met the Namekian's eyes and just gave a sharp nod, barely more than a jerk of the head.

Piccolo scowled, and for a moment, Goku thought he'd protest. He found himself both relieved and frustrated at such a prospect. He loved knowing Piccolo cared and longed to protect his son but at the same time, Gohan was HIS son, not Piccolo's. So, when Piccolo lowered his clenched fists and gave a silent nod of understanding, Goku was grateful. A quick focus later and he vanished from sight.

OOO

"It's none of your business."

Vegeta scoffed, ducked and swung out with another blast for good measure. "I would argue, brat, that it is ALL my business! You, I, Kakarot and my brat...we are all that are left of our race. And this new brat of your father's."

"My family's life isn't any of your business!" Gohan's voice was shrill, threatening. "It's none of your business, Vegeta!"

"It is when you disgrace the blood you carry!" A blow sent Gohan backward. "You are Saiyan and you recognize this brat for what it is—competition. You've grown strong, embrace it! Or are you going to roll over and submit?"

Gohan's heart ached. His mother and father promised that this child was to be an equal. Not a threat, not something to be afraid of. But then, why was his heart so afraid? Why did the very thought of a new baby utterly crumble Gohan's sense of well-being? Did Vegeta have a point? He DID have Saiyan blood—was that innate?

"When a new child comes, you must claim your place, stake your position." Vegeta dodged another of Gohan's blows. "If you don't, then you'll be cast aside, worthless, useless!" The passion in Vegeta's voice left no doubt—he'd seen this multiple times.

"No, Daddy and Mom don't think like that! I don't have to prove anything to this baby!" He did not feel as confident as he sounded. In fact, he didn't feel confident at all. After all, this baby was a clean slate—no failures, no acts of cowardice...

"You could prove you're worthy of that transformation that you neglect! That you're WORTH training at all!"

The air rippled before Gohan could retort or strike back and suddenly, there was Goku. Hair blond, eyes green and teeth clenched, the air all but on fire with his appearance.

And that was before his fist met Vegeta's face and the Saiyan crashed into the ground. Goku shifted to his son for just a moment and it was a simple click of his tongue and turn of the head. Hardly even noticeable by most people but Gohan knew that move anywhere.

Dropping out of Super Saiyan, he dropped to the ground by Krillin and his mother. It was a little nice when Mom ran over and fussed over his open wounds. Maybe unnecessary but that didn't mean it didn't feel good. Being doted on always did. Always had. Always would.

For now. That voice again, deep in his the baby comes.

Gohan leaned back into his mother's embrace and tried to ignore the growing pulsing from her stomach.

OOO

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Vegeta had already recovered from the punch though he had to admit there was a lot more force in that punch than he expected. It was rare to see Kakarot angry but the man that hovered before him in the air definitely was. It all but flowed off him.

"I presented your brat with facts, Kakarot." Vegeta's tone was harsh but level. "He can whimper and whine and mope all he wants but the baby still comes. He's Saiyan. He needs to face it!"

"Is he your kid?" Goku's tone was heated, pushed between clenched teeth laboriously.

"I'm the last of our ruling party. I—"

"I don't care about any of that, Vegeta. Is Gohan your kid?"

"Kakarot—"

"No," Goku interrupted. "He ain't. So let me worry about Gohan. My boy is a smart kid. He KNOWS the baby is gonna come no matter how he feels about it. He's TRYIN' to come to terms with it and you ain't helping!" Goku approached, almost nose to nose with the Saiyan Prince. "Take a stand with things with Trunks—your own kid—not mine. Don't be pushin' YOUR own Mom and Pop issues on my kid."

Oh how Vegeta's face turned red. "My—these are cultural issues Kakarot! Our Saiyan culture!"

"YOUR Saiyan culture." Goku corrected. "Not mine and not my kid's."

OOO

When Goku landed, ChiChi had already wrapped the bites that had opened and Yamcha and Krillin had occupied Gohan's hands with drink and food. Goku didn't see Piccolo but after a moment, he realized the Namekian was all but stalking Vegeta, as if daring him to intervene again. Cute if Goku stopped to think about it. Bulma was off to the side, taking turns between chattering into her cell phone, bouncing Trunks on her hip and shooting lethal glares at Vegeta.

The Saiyan approached, knelt and asked, "You doing okay, Kiddo?"

Gohan shook his head violently. "No. Vegeta's right. I'm being stupid. The baby is coming and there's nothing I can do about it and I should be happy like everyone else but I'm not and here I am being pouty and sad and angry and I don't want to do that but if I try not to, it just makes it worse!" He crammed a handful of chips into his mouth and not even ChiChi made a comment.

Goku gave his son a smile. "Hey." Reaching out, he gave the boy's hair a big ruffle. "There ain't nothing wrong with that. Don't you listen to Vegeta. He's not your Dad."

ChiChi heaved a sigh, "Thank goodness."

Gohan rubbed his eyes, smearing some salt over his cheeks. "But...I do hafta accept this baby. He's right on that."

"And you are," ChiChi hugged him tight. "You've never told us otherwise, Gohan!"

"But...I'm not happy about it."

"Who said anything about being happy about it?" The familiar sound of Master Roshi drew the attention of everyone and the old man and the Ox King rejoined the group, the latter bringing some water from the river.

"What do you mean, Master Roshi?" Gohan inquired, attempting to dry his eyes. He would NOT cry here, not in front of everyone, not in front of all the men who had been so strong throughout his entire life.

"Exactly what I said." Leaning on his walking stick, the man emphasized. "Only thing required for acceptance is just that—accepting that's how things are. Nothing about you being happy or unhappy about it. Emotions don't tie into it."

Sitting down, the Ox King lay a large hand in his grandson's head. "Master Roshi is right, Gohan. You're allowed to be angry and sad. That doesn't mean you're selfish or terrible or not being accepting. You've been helping your mom and dad more than most kids who are thrilled about a sibling do!"

Had he? Gohan hoped he'd been trying to. Last thing he wanted was his parents having more on their plate. "But...I don't like feeling like this. I want it to stop."

"And it will. Eventually." ChiChi eyed her son. "But if you want to make it stop sooner, you can talk to us. No secrets, Gohan. No trying to spare our feelings or none of that. Just...be honest."

He sighed deeply. "That's not as easy as it sounds, Mom. I just wish I could make sense of all these feelings." He meant that. The ever present and persistent voice, taunting him, he wanted that silent. He wanted the doubt gone, the fear gone.

"Well, maybe I can help with that." Bulma made her way back over, handing Trunks to Goku. The Saiyan blinked at first but quickly adjusted the baby on his arm.

Ooo, it was impossible to miss the dark cloud that coated Gohan's face.

Bulma gave a smile. "Gohan, look at me. I know you don't want Trunks with your Daddy right now but I need my hands."

Turning to her, Gohan blinked as Bulma took his hands firmly in her own. "I know this is scary. And frustrating and lots of other things. I was talking with your mom earlier. She told you that I have a sister, right?"

"...she did."

"Well, my sister and I are about...thirteen years apart. Not much more than you and this new kiddo will be." She held up her phone and gently shook it. "My sister's not far right now. Why don't you, me, your parents and my sister sit and have a chat, hmm? If anyone can understand where you're coming from, it's my sister."

Master Roshi spoke out, "Hey, I've got an older sister too!"

Bulma scoffed. "I wouldn't exactly call your relationship NORMAL, old man,"

Gohan finally smiled at that and at the mild laughter that colored the air. He looked up to his mother then his father before nodding, "Okay, Bulma. Let's...I'd like to talk to her."

Standing, Bulma took Trunks from Goku and flipped open her phone. "It's a go, Sis."

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

Waiting felt awkward.

According to Bulma, her sister could make it over in a hour, probably less. Given they'd already made a commitment to have this conversation, it seemed only proper to get it done now. So, while Bulma spoke with her sister over how to get to the tiny mountainside home, Gohan sat with his family and friends off to the side, letting the breeze of the mountain color his hair.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I ruined this for you. Krillin and I weren't trying to. I was trying to let some steam off and—"

ChiChi reached over and gently stroked Gohan's hair out of his eyes. "Sweetie, I'm not mad at you. Living with your father all this time, I've gotten used to crazy shenanigans—I've just been bad about accepting them." She considered this a moment. "And no matter what Vegeta told you, son, your emotions aren't wrong."

"But he's right!" Gohan insisted, looking at her as if he were a wounded puppy. "I'm wallowing in all this emotion! But...but I don't know what else to do! I'm trying to get the emotions to stop! I'm trying to make them make sense but—they won't." He eyed his mother's stomach as if ashamed. "I'm not an idiot. I know the baby is coming whether I like it or not. I'm just trying...to figure out how I feel. And how to feel different."

Goku laid a hand in his son's hair. "I'm sure Vegeta thought he was helping, son, in his own weird way. But he doesn't know you like we do."

ChiChi smiled, "Damn right he doesn't. You may not be happy about this baby, Gohan but you've been nothing but supportive through this. You've been helping me around the house, you've said you understand us needing to use your room—or half of it—for the baby. You understand we have a lot we have to do and it's been leaving you a bit side stepped. That's hard on anyone but you've done it."

Goku pulled his son close. "Vegeta was wrong on that. You've been accepting that the baby is coming from the minute we told you because you're a smart boy. It's your emotions we have to work on." Goku added, "And if that means you're not happy about the baby—fine. You don't have to be happy about something to accept it's happening and deal with it." Grinning, Goku stated, "I promise i wasn't happy when Piccolo shot a beam attack through me. Didn't mean I didn't understand it was happening!"

Gohan nodded. "The first night. That was kinda surreal. Like it was a dream or something. But when you started talking about changing rooms and things like that—it was real. It was happening. I wanted to help you. I was trying to help you. I know that even if I hate this, the baby is coming. That's just plain facts. But...I want to feel better about it. Maybe not happy but...better. Not so confused and scared and...and I dunno what else." He grasped his hair. "Vegeta said I have to stand up and claim my position or am I just gonna roll over and submit..."

Krillin rolled his eyes. "Getting a sibling must have sucked on their planet. Having to fight for your position?"

Goku shook his head, "Well, we're not on Planet Vegeta. You don't have to fight to protect anything, Gohan. Not in our family."

Yet why did it feel that way? Gohan knew all too well, logically, that everything his father said was true. While he was adjusting to his mother being more "okay" with all the craziness that had become their lives, he knew she didn't lie either. Lying was one of the worst offenses in their house; it always had been. Better to punch someone in the face than lie to them.

So why did his emotions not want to listen to his head?

He'd dealt with new situations before. His entire childhood had been alien situation after alien situation but he'd dealt with it. He'd handled it. Sure, he hadn't always liked it but it had always been easy to cope with the "well, this sucks but let's do what we need to do," and move on.

And this scenario...yeah, logically he was handling it—helping where he could, not pitching a complete fit about giving up half his room (much as he longed to scream about the unfairness of it) and he tried to get his parents what they needed whether it be doing chores, getting supplies or whatever else was deemed necessary. Doing what had to be done was easy. But the emotions were harder to wrangle.

"Hey! She's here!"

Gohan was both grateful for Bulma's shouting interruption and fearful of it at the same time. What would they uncover by talking with Bulma and her sister? Anything? Nothing? Something he didn't know how to deal with?

"So this is your friends that you never bothered to introduce me to?"

Gohan wasn't sure what he was expecting from Bulma's sister but the appearance of a slightly taller woman with blond hair in a pixie cut and torn jeans was...encouraging.

Bulma scoffed. "It's not like I didn't want to. But if they weren't dealing with some earth ending monster, you were off somewhere with Jaco."

ChiChi chose then to intervene "So, you're Tights. Bulma's been talking about you a lot with me! Welcome to our home." She extended a hand and after a brief delay, the woman took it with a smile.

"Pleasure." Tights shifted her eyes and they settled on Gohan who was standing next to his father. He was taller than Tights had imagined but he looked like he wanted to disappear into his father's leg. "Hey cutie," she greeted him. "I take it that you're Gohan."

Gohan gave a half nod. Being faced with her—granted, she was Bulma's sister and he was as close with Bulma as he was with Krillin—it was still a bit unnerving and feeling Goku's hand on his shoulder helped more than he liked to admit. "Yes, Ma'am."

Tights visibly winced. "Ooo, just Tights. Ma'am makes me sound old." Shooting Bulma a glare, she added, "Don't say it!" She looked around, spied a good patch of ground by the trees and sat. "So, need some new sibling advice?"

After a slight delay, Gohan took a seat next to her. "I...guess. I...I want to feel better about it than I do."

"Normal to feel unsure about it." Tights reassured him and gave a smile as ChiChi brought her some tea. "So many things you don't know. Not knowing is the worst part."

Now THAT made sense. "It's just...I haven't had much chance for normal stuff and knowing what's coming. I finally had that..."

"And here's comes a baby to mess it all up." Tights leaned backwards with a nod. "Oh, you better believe I wasn't happy with Mom and Dad when they said Bulma was coming. By the time you pass the double digits, you just kind of expect certain things not to change."

Looking at her, he nodded. "Right. But I know it is and there's nothing I can do about it. But I want to feel better about it."

Tights took a sip of tea. "Okay, fair enough. What's your biggest worry—that Mom and Dad will like the new kid better? That they'll best you at something you're proud of? That your relationships will be different?"

Blinking once then twice, Gohan accused. "No telepathy; I didn't give permission."

Tights laughed. "No telepathy, kiddo. Just experience." She looked up at Bulma. "I worried the same thing for a little bit. Especially when Bulma turned out to be a little prodigy."

Bulma did a half bow. "I can't help it if my genes are amazing."

Tights eyed Gohan "But here's the thing, squirt. Parents have different with their kids. I promise you that our dad treats us different than he would have treated you."

A sick feeling took Gohan's heart. "So...you aren't equal?"

Bulma corrected. "Listen, Gohan. Different doesn't mean not equal. It just means different."

Tights thought a bit and looked at the boy. "What's something you love to do with your dad. More than anything else in the world?"

Without missing a beat, Gohan replied, "Spar and explore the mountain." Leaning into his father's side, he added "Traveling and wrestling."

"Okay. What's something you love to do with your mom more than anything else in the world?"

Gohan considered this a moment then with a smile up at ChiChi, he said "Having picnics and reading by the river. And eating her meals!"

Tights gave a firm nod. "So does loving one of those make you dislike the other? Or like it less?"

"No." Gohan answered quickly. "But...kids are more complicated than that!"

Bulma picked up a drink and after a sip, she added, "Well, now that I have a son," she bounced Trunks on her leg a bit, "I think I can answer. Love for your kids isn't nearly as complicated as you make it, Gohan."

ChiChi chimed in with a feathery sigh. "She's right, Gohan. It's just...well, you just love your kids. Number doesn't matter."

Tights, reading Gohan's face, stated, "When I was a kid, Dad just spent so much time talking to me about science and space. I think he's probably to blame for me trudging around with a space policeman all the time."

Bulma beamed. "But then when I came along, Dad did the same with me. It didn't mean he stopped doing it with Tights though!"

Goku beamed. "See, son? The important stuff we do isn't gonna change. Just somebody new to do it with." He grinned, that infectious smile of his. "Just like I said!"

Gohan considered this. Hearing it directly from a set of siblings helped. But...so, Dr. Briefs' special activity was science. He did it with both his daughters.

An odd notion occurred to Gohan. Did this mean that all the things he loved were going to...were Daddy and Mom going to share those same things with his sibling? Maybe that should have made him feel better—after all, that meant they weren't going away but—the prospect didn't...he wanted that to be his.

But...what if his sibling was a girl?

That would mean different activities, right? The things he did with Mom couldn't be the same because they had mother-son activities. She'd do different things with a daughter. The things he did with Daddy couldn't be the same because that was father-son stuff! Daddy would make new things to do with a daughter. That...that was what Tights and Bulma meant when they said equal but different!

For the first time in a while, Gohan felt his anxiety drop.

A little sister...maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

Chapter 15

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

It was a new reality.

By now, with only about two months having passed, Gohan could see a definite roundness to his mother's stomach. Daddy always grinned like an idiot whenever he saw it. Gohan still wasn't sure of how to feel but Miss Tights and Bulma visited quite a bit and while he didn't feel like he could tell them everything, he could certainly tell them a lot. It helped.

Plus, he had to admit, as he grew more accustomed to the idea, the prospect of a little sister was less...frightening. Less imposing. He could only imagine the fun his mother would have with one. He'd heard her and Bulma discussing names. She was absolutely giddy. He didn't get it but seeing Mom smile so much warmed his heart.

He'd watched his mother in the kitchen this morning and he had to admit, picturing a smaller version of her doing similar things was a little amusing. It certainly wasn't things he pictured himself doing with Mom. But he could almost hear a little sister laughing.

Maybe that's what made it tolerable. The idea of a completely different role. Even thinking about his father and what he might be like with a daughter...well, that was different than the father son relationship they had. It was like oranges and apples. He still wasn't completely sold but given the baby was coming anyway, thinking of a baby sister was getting easier. He would still be SON of Goku, a title he held in the highest regard in his heart. He could surrender almost everything else but not that.

No, he did not ponder it being a brother much as he knew statistically that it was more likely to be one. More boys were conceived than girls but more girls survived to delivery. So, to Gohan, it simply made more sense to consider the new baby a little sister.

And a little sister wouldn't throw his life into such a whirlwind. He'd been good or at least as good as he could be. Surely the universe would reward that, right? A girl would balance everything, maintain his role as far as he was concerned and he might even grow accustomed to this big brother business.

And a girl couldn't steal that title from him...

No. Of course it was a girl.

He couldn't tell by ki, at least not yet, but given how his mother and Bulma had been talking about parties and colors and things like that, it wouldn't be too long before they were spouting it off to everyone.

Maybe when it was finally confirmed, Gohan could finally push aside this sinking feeling of his gut. He did scent enough trying to ignore it and Dad kept him busy a lot so it didn't bother him too badly but it was still there. And some part of Gohan knew it would stay there until he heard "You're getting a little sister, Gohan!"

"Gohan?"

The sound of his mother's voice broke through his thoughts and he lifted his head from his schoolbook. While his mother had lightened up, he was still expected to complete his studies. He found doing it in the morning between breakfast and lunch was easiest. Then he had the afternoon to play and train with his father. Occasionally, Mom would let him go and help Dad with the farm too.

One thing he'd noted about her pregnancy was that it made her more mellow. Not a pushover but more inclined to listen and hear him out. Though it was hard to tell if that was her just truly trying harder per their agreement or the pregnancy. Maybe it was both.

Either way as she approached him, a warm on her face, Gohan decided that no matter the reason, it was something he definitely could learn to appreciate and hoped it would stick around beyond the birth of this baby.

"Yeah, Mom?"

She was smiling, giddy, that weird look that she seemed to get more and more lately. But she was clutching a small packet of papers to her chest. Settling into the chair directly across from him, ChiChi set them down and after a moment, separated them into three piles.

Gohan eyed them. They looked like brochures.

"Sweetie, do you remember when we agreed that you'd start at a public school soon? That way we didn't need to worry about me getting too...extreme by accident?"

Nodding, Gohan sat up a little straighter. After they'd had their family discussion after Dad came back, that was part of the agreement—letting a school determine how much he needed to work on this subject or that subject. And Mom agreed not to add any more on.

"Some of the booklets came yesterday. The schools will start doing tours soon. Your test scores from that entrance test were so high that you get to pick! Isn't that wonderful?" Her smile was genuine and it was hard not to smile back. For all the times ChiChi could get angry, a true smile from her would always melt the heart.

Gohan looked at the piles of paper. One looked like the building was huge and he could make out "Orange Star Elementary." Granted, he would only be in his last year of primary school (per Mom, they didn't let you skip grades until high school) but the concept was intriguing. To be alongside students that were his age and maybe have the chance his father did at making friends was both exciting and terrifying.

But Orange Star?

"Isn't this one in Satan City?" Gohan wrinkled his nose. "Or Orange City?"

ChiChi's face darkened. "Is it?" It was no secret that no one in the Son family spared any love for Mr. Satan, though for different reasons. ChiChi was not afraid to spew her poison on the man stealing Gohan's accomplishment. While Gohan had to admit, that was disheartening—beating Cell was easily the hardest thing he'd ever done—his true issue with the man lay in his dismissal of Goku and the others' skills as mere "tricks." To brush aside so many years of hard, soul crushing work, was disgusting.

So forgive Gohan for not wanting to be associated with the man.

ChiChi brushed her arm across the table, catching that brochure and whisking it into the nearby trash. "Well, no reason to ponder that one then. What about these others?" She gave her son a hopeful grin. "You start next Spring, won't that be exciting?"

Gohan looked them over. They certainly didn't look bad but he'd never been to school before—not a public one. He'd read about them—about the field trips, school festivals, the life long friends...

Friends like Daddy had, maybe?

And Mom had promised that she wouldn't insist on anything more than what the school wanted. He could have his weekends back, his winter and summer vacations...

Maybe...maybe that meant that around the world trip with Daddy wasn't...gone? Just delayed, maybe? The prospect lightened his heart and now, despite his anxiety, the schools in front of him held potential.

Gohan glanced at the pamphlets again—Paouz Education, a school with both primary and secondary grades not too far away, tucked into the mountains. He recalled that a lot of the people in the mountains went there.

Then there was another West City Academy. He blinked once then lifted it up and eyed his mother, "All the way in West City?"

ChiChi scoffed, though lightly. "Oh, please, son. Don't tell me that you couldn't fly that in under ten minutes." She felt inclined to add. "Or your father can do that popping in and out thing that he does."

Gohan giggled a bit. It was no secret that Mom was less than enthralled with Instant Transmission. Said it was an excellent way to take years off her life. She was right though—Daddy could pretty much drop him off anywhere they decided on.

That made him smile a bit more; not three months ago and Mom would have insisted on "normal" transports to school.

She meant what she said.

"Yeah, I could." Gohan admitted. "It's not too bad a flight actually." A sly grin took his face. "And it's close enough to Bulma's that she might have some candy to get rid of."

Laughing this time, ChiChi stood. "Don't you be getting any ideas!" She ventures into the kitchen and returned with some water. Sipping it slowly, she smiled at her son. It was good to see warmth in his eyes again.

"Aw, you know I'm kidding, Mom." He stared at the folded papers again. There were at least three more and knowing his mother, more coming. "And...they said my scores were—"

"You did so well, sweetie! You get your pick of the pile!"

Why didn't that help? Too many choices and he didn't know ANYTHING about school! Not the social part of it anyway. First the baby then working on the farm and house and now this and it was going to be next spring and that wasn't long at ALL—

The knock on the door wasn't expected but the following "Hey, Gohan!" was just as surprising. It wasn't one he'd heard since the party.

"Krillin!" Jumping up, the boy rushed to the door and flung it open. He found Krillin and Yamcha standing nervously. "And you too, Yamcha! What are you guys doing here?"

"Well," Yamcha smiled as ChiChi ventured to greet their visitors. "Krillin and I figured that you've probably been doing a lotta prep for the baby—"

Krillin elbowed him in the side "And it's been a while since we hung out so thought we'd see if you wanted to go check out that amusement park around Bulma's place."

Gohan's face lit up. "Is that Dreamland? The one you guys went to when Daddy was a kid?"

Yamcha let out a laugh. "Same one! You must have those ol' stories memorized, kiddo!"

ChiChi offered a smile as she laid a hand on her son's shoulder. "Oh, you could say that. Gohan started the number the stories when he was a little thing. I think that one was...45?"

Blushing a bit, the boy turned. "Can I go, Mom?"

ChiChi gave a low glance back at the table. They'd just started to look those schools over and she knew Gohan had questions and if they could go over them together then...

But, another part of her argued, there were at least three more brochures not here yet and the schools wouldn't be doing tours for several weeks. Gohan was brighter than he had been since they announced the baby.

Looking up, she eyed Krillin in particular "Don't go too crazy."

With a cry of elation, Gohan took his mother in a tight embrace. "Ah, thanks Mom, I'll be good, promise!"

"You better! I know I raised ya to be!" But there was little bite to her warning. Yamcha barely had to time to bid her goodbye before they were in the air and disappearing in the distance.

Much as she used to look down on Goku's friends and she still wasn't sure they were the best influences in the world, they certainly knew when they were needed. Gohan's mood had been better but it still dipped and waned.

Being told that they wanted to hang out with him just because was so deeply needed. How did they do that?Was that a ki thing too?

Maybe she could bake something for them to take back with them—

A horrific crash nearly made her lose her balance and she was grateful for her reflexes still being sharp. A quick grasp of the counter had stopped a fall. Her dishes had rattled to the ground in the cupboards and she was going to have a lot of spilled food to wipe up.

And she knew just who to blame.

"GOKU!"

Notes:

Snuck a wee bit of Dragonball trivia in here. See if you can spot it.

Chapter 16

Chapter Text

"Heads up, Yamcha!"

"Eh?" The human man only had a moment to glance upward before a glob of chocolate ice cream landed squarely on the bridge of his nose.

Krillin's laughter was almost deafening over the crowds and only Yamcha heard Gohan's timid "sorry." Even if he'd been upset, the almost rabbit like nature of Gohan's response made being angry impossible.

"Eh, no worries, squirt. But if you wanna share, I'd appreciate another way, fair?" As he spoke, Yamcha scooped the sweetness off his nose and sampled it. "Though maybe I should be honored your Saiyan stomach is sharing?"

Gohan laughed.

They were a sight, pure and simple. An ex monk and an ex bandit, clothed in the training colors of the turtle hermit with a preteen perched on the taller one's shoulder trying and failing to eat two cones before they melted in the summer heat.

It was nice though. What with all the threats and monsters and everything else trying to kill them lately, and them very much owing their lives to said-ice-cream-eating-preteen, it was definitely an earned outing. Been a long time since they'd gone out anywhere that wasn't for training.

Yamcha insisted on paying and Krillin was happy to let him. Being a baseball player certainly gave Yamcha the means to do so and Krillin knew the man felt an almost debt to Goku. Best way to repay it seemed to be spoiling his son.

"Sorry the coaster was disappointing, kid." Yamcha went on, glancing up and accepting the bottom half of one of the boy's cones. "Guess learning to fly has its downsides!"

Krillin stretched, "Shame though. Gohan had roller coasters ruined before he was five!"

The boy smirked a bit "Eh, it's okay. Lots of other stuff that isn't." His eyes glanced around and then he pointed. "Like that!"

Yamcha and Krillin diverted their attention to see him targeting a small petting zoo. Hard to tell what exactly they had in there but by the sounds and smell, there was a nice variety. Obviously city kids were fascinated with animals but Gohan was, by every definition of the word, a country boy.

Didn't stop him from jumping off Yamcha's shoulder, shoving what remained of the ice cream into his mouth and starting right at the goats. By the time Krillin and Yamcha caught up to him, Gohan was all but inside the pen, laughing "that tickles" at every lick the creatures placed on his cheeks. Was adorable to be frank and Krillin was not shy about getting pictures of it. Goku and ChiChi would love them and they'd likely be hanging on their living room wall before the week was out.

By the time Gohan climbed out, coated in goat hair and was making his way to the pen full of pigs, Krillin hoped the pictures would keep ChiChi from clobbering them for letting him get so dirty. But then, Gohan HAD said she'd been pretty mellow.

"How's your mom doing?" He finally asked when Gohan pulled away a slobber coated hand and took the offered pig feed from Yamcha with the other before offering it to the squealing animals again.

Gohan turned, looked at Krillin and after a moment to consider, he answered, "Okay, I think. Daddy says that she's starting to get food cravings but I haven't seen that yet."

Yamcha leaned on the wooden fence. "No mood swings?"

"Not really," Gohan shrugged, pulled his hand back and rubbed his palms on his pants; pure Goku style if there ever was one. "She's been relaxing a little more though, even before this." Pushing himself up to sit on the fence, Gohan ran his hand down the nearest pig's back. Not many people wanted to see the grunting creatures so it was nice to have some time to ponder. "She and Dad are gonna send me to a public school next year."

Krillin propped himself up a bit, just stood on the lowest rung and smiled up at the boy. "I 'member Goku mentioning that."

Yamcha tapped the wood lightly with his fingertips. "Reached a deal with your mom, right?"

Gohan nodded. "Yep. She said I can do the martial arts with Dad but I hafta keep up with school and she and Dad talked about it and said it'd be more fair to let me go to a public school so Mom couldn't hold overboard' by accident." He smiled, his eyes warm. "She said that she never meant to go crazy about it but that she was trying to do what she thought was best. But now she knows better how to do that."

"Sounds like a win to me!" Yamcha ruffled the boy's hair a bit. "You excited about it?"

Shrugging, Gohan hopped down and stopped at the next pen to run his hand on the flank of the large horse. He'd never seen one up to close and his grin betrayed that. "I guess so. Nervous though. Mom and I were looking at schools earlier. She said she wants me to start next school year so I don't miss anything." He paused, turned, "When DOES the school year start? Or did you guys not go to school?"

Krillin shrugged. "Master Roshi gave me and your dad education. Goku learned to read from trashy romance novels."

Gohan gave an evil grin, rather out of place on his face. "And you didn't? Daddy tol' me you bought your way as a pupil to Master Roshi with porn."

Face burning red, Krillin clamped his hands over the boy's mouth. "Shush! There's little kids around, sheesh!"

"But you did," Gohan insisted, pushing the man's hand down but he did lower his voice.

Krillin pouted, lightly. "I was a kid with no real authority figure except abusive roommates. You make do."

Gohan caught on real quick and dropped the topic before turning to Yamcha. "What about you? Or were you always a desert bandit scared of girls?"

"Man, your dad told you everything, didn't he?"

Krillin laughed, spirit significantly brightened. "Didn't you hear ChiChi? He numbers the stories."

Shaking his head but resting an arm on the stall door, Yamcha relented. "Fair. Didn't really go to school myself. But I know someone that did. Have you asked Bulma?"

Gohan blinked and half wanted to kick himself for his stupidity. Of course! If he wanted to know about school schedules, Bulma or her sister were the folk to ask. Well, he knew what he was going to be talking about at their next meeting. "No. But she's been coming every week. I can ask her then!"

Yamcha offered open palms as a symbol of resolution. "Well, there ya go. She might chat your ear off though."

Snorting as he pulled away and headed back towards the main body of the park, Gohan remarked. "You know how much Mom talks sometimes? I'm used to it."

For the underlying teasing he engaged in though, Gohan was grateful to both his parents. After all, they were working at home while he got to enjoy this outing—and the food that came with it. He verbalized such. "Feel like I need to bring Mom and Dad something home though. I know Dad's been working in the farming land and Mom is always doing something around the house to make our lives better." He gestures to his shirt as proof. "I split it the other day during training and Mom just sewed it up—well, and asked me not to wear my good clothes if I'm going to be punchin' and kickin.'"

"Good advice," Krillin offered as the boy scanned he environment as if some answer to his inquiry would pop out of thin air. "But your mom was glad to let you come, remember?"

Yamcha added, handing the boy a soda from a nearby vendor as he set some zennie in the man's hand, "Yeah. Does you good to get out and have some fun!"

Gohan took a sip of the drink, savoring the sweetness a moment. "I know but I mean...I want to bring them something. But something they'd like." That definitely complicated things. After all, Dreamland was designed with kids in mind, not adults. Plus, Gohan didn't really have the money to get his mom jewelry or his dad a new gi or anything like that. He got allowance but especially now, he'd not been asking for it. Hardly seemed fair. Parents could use it for something they needed—

"There!" His eyes caught it first and Krillin and Yamcha had to run to keep up with him. By the time they realized what had caught his eye, it took all their willpower not to double over laughing. The attendant currently talking to Gohan gave them an odd look but when they restrained themselves, he turned back to Gohan, explaining rules and expectations.

Yamcha glanced at the sign overhead then back at Krillin "Think they have any idea what they're in for?"

Krillin eyed the announcement: Do you have a stomach of steel? Can you pack away more than anyone you know? Try your luck at our Eating Contest! Winner takes 10000 zennie home!"

Chuckling, the ex monk remarked "Nope."

OOO

Amid the noise and dust and dirt, ChiChi weaved here way through the halls like an angry hurricane. The sunlight beaming through the ceiling should have been her first clue but she learned all too long ago that Goku was never predictable and that tremendous crash REEKED of Goku—it was deliberate but contained.

All the same as she turned the corner, the last thing she was expecting was to see the back wall missing and her husband in what remained of her son's room, counting to himself as he walked heel to toe from the remaining wall to the pile of rubble.

"Goku!" She shouted again and this time, he did turn to face her, dust covering him from hairline line to chin, a scarf around his neck but he'd only opted for slacks and an undershirt besides. If half of the house wasn't lying in the grass, she might have found it sexy. "What are you doing?! What happened?!"

"Aw, Chi, you made me lose count." Pouting, he approached her, dust and all, laying his hands on her belly. "I didn't scare the kiddo, did I?"

Pushing him away, she planted her hands on her hips. "The baby's fine but you just went and took about twenty years offa my life!"

Grinning sheepishly, Goku rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry. Was tryin' to be quiet but ain't no quiet way to knock down a wall."

Exasperated, ChiChi rubbed their bridge of her nose. "So...WHY are you knocking down the wall?" She chanced a glance inside and was both relieved and surprised to see Goku had blocked all of Gohan's belongings behind a pile of bamboo and leaves. Of course, Goku wouldn't purposely wreck their son's things.

Slapping his hands together to knock extra dust off, Goku rubbed the residue on his pants. Standing up straight, he laid his hand on the remaining wall. "'Member right after we got married, Chi? Your dad gave us the capsule kitchen but the living room, the bedrooms, the meditation room...I made all those." He beamed at the memory. "Your dad was a big ol' help but I 'member cutting the trees, making the logs, getting the paint and other stuff from Bulma and them."

ChiChi had to admit that sometimes she forgot. When Goku had told her he was gonna make her the house she wanted, she'd almost not believed him until the walls and hallways started going up. She approached, wrapped he arms around him, tightly. "I 'member. Shouldn't have surprised me that country strong boy Goku could make a tough ol' shelter."

Goku smirked, nuzzled her nose a bit. "Well, I was thinkin'...I made it once, I can do it again. Why make Gohan hafta worry 'bout sharing a room when Daddy can make another one?"

ChiChi stared at him. "Goku...can we—"

"We made it when we just got married with your dad and Bulma's help, we can do it again." He grinned. "And I can get Gohan to help me! Let him feel involved with this! Maybe it'll help him feel better about this baby if he knows he helped make its room."

ChiChi did admit that such a prospect was an encouraging thought. There was something to be said about pouring hard work into something. Everyone she talked to said that Gohan should be involved as much as possible. Thus far, she didn't want him to feel pressured but this—doing a project with his father...that might very well do it.

She considered, looked the demolition over then turned and headed back down the still-intact hall. Goku called after her like a frightened bird. "Chi? Is...that okay? Where're you going?"

"With you laboring like that, the small lunch I had planned is not gonna cut it."

Chapter 17

Chapter Text

Returning home came late in the day, when the mosquitos were first starting to emerge and seek out their meals. Gohan watched Krillin and Yamcha bat at them for a good five minutes before calling up his Super Saiyan form. The light attracted the insects but the energy quickly fried them.

Yamcha laughed and adjusted the package on his shoulder. "Well look at that. You're a living bug lamp."

Gohan sent him a look but there was no venom behind it. "Daddy does it all the time; especially if he and Mom are outside after dark. Doesn't take long before all the bugs leave. Only time Mom likes Super Saiyan."

Krillin laughed out loud. "Well, it's a perk I never thought about, that's for sure." He went solemn a moment and gave Gohan a slow smile. "You have fun, little buddy?"

Gohan turned, held his arm up to block the wind from his eyes and beamed. He meant it too. "I did, Krillin. Was real nice for you and a Yamcha to think about me."

The taller man laughed to Gohan's right. "Hey, your parents aren't the only ones that can spoil you, you know." With a gentle jostle of the arm, the man added. "Life just hadn't really let us!"

For some reason, that made Gohan's heart swell. "Yeah, we don't always get a chance to hang out. But now that Cell is gone, I bet we can do it more! Next time, I'll buy the food!" How he would manage that, he truly didn't know but it was only fair!

Yamcha just smiled. "Don't worry about it, kid. If you can make people fall over in shock like those poor folk did every time, I'll call that even."

Turning a faint pink in his cheeks, Gohan retorted. "Hey! They said I could hit it as hard as I could! So I did!" He eyed the parcel that Yamcha had tucked under his arm "I just asked for one prize. They're the ones that decided to give me three!"

Krillin gently nudged him "Because when you hit that paddle with that hammer, the whole stand blew up."

Gohan gave a half-embarrassed, half cheeky grin, rubbing the small cut on his cheek where a flying splinter had cut him. "But that was neat!"

Yamcha grinned as they crossed over the largest of the mountain range. "Was pretty cool. He's lucky you weren't golden haired!"

"Daddy always tells me to mind my strength and it's harder to do as Super Saiyan." The statement was matter of fact as the small home slowly came into view. From the air, the growing farm and its beginning sprouts gleamed next to the river Gohan had helped divert to provide irrigation. The results were clear—bright greenery that nearly rivaled their mountain's natural trees and brush.

But what caught the eye was the large pile of broken wall, wood and dust. Gohan felt weak in the heart. What had he missed? How had he missed it? He was trained to sense thus kind of stuff! And Daddy was HOME! What could have taken him by surprise?!

"Mom? Dad?!" Gohan dropped from the air, landing amid the rubble and almost immediately, the dust covered heads of both his parents popped out from behind a layer of cloth and bamboo.

Whole, unharmed and alive.

Gohan let out a breath and accepted his mother's embrace more readily than usual. The adrenaline crash at realizing they were both fine was leaving him shaky and he stayed an extra moment or two with his cheek on her slightly rounded belly.

He didn't feel anything. Mom kept saying it wouldn't be long before the baby started to move and both she and Dad had gotten this syrupy starry eyed look. He hoped they wouldn't be pulling him over to feel. No interest. So, while he felt the baby's ki, nice and strong, he was glad to pull away without feeling a kick.

"We're fine, Gohan. Blame your father for not thinking about giving you a heads up." ChiChi sent her husband a dark look but he was already grinning sheepishly as he bounded over the fallen wood and dust, catching his son up in a sharp embrace and tossing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before lightly running his fingers over the boy's exposed ribs.

"Was starting to wonder if you were gonna come back tonight or not, Gohan!" Goku grinned. "Should have expected them to spoil you rotten!" He gave his friends a teasing look. "Ain't he rotten enough?"

With a squeal, Gohan protested his father's grip with "Full belly, Daddy, full belly!"

Goku immediately turned the boy right up and set him on his feet. A full stomach was never something to mess with on a Saiyan! Especially on a boy that seemed to grow an inch every day and ate to maintain that!

Gohan accepted their gentle ruffle of his hair before looking around and setting a look to his parents. "Why did you tear down half my room?" For a moment, his mind raced and he remembered. Right...it took time to get a new room ready. "Oh. For thebaby, right?"

Gohan stopped, clamped his hand over his mouth and even Krillin and Yamcha looked a little baffled. The poison in his voice when he said baby was tangible. Why? He'd come to terms with it. Or so he thought. So why did seeing the walls turn down and the start of work on something he KNEW was coming make his heart heavy and more anger than he'd felt in a long time well up so quickly his stomach churned? "Takes a long time to fix up ababy'sroom, right? Don't want wait on that. Can't wait onthat."

Gah! What was wrong with him?! That sass and that venom was not him and it wasn't deserved and—

"Hey."

Goku knelt and his hand tipped under Gohan's chin, forcing the boy to look up at him. "Why you jumping to so many conclusions right now, little man? Only gets ya in trouble, remember?"

For once, Gohan found no comfort in the gesture and swatted his father's hand away. "Don't patronize me! I'm not stupid! You and Mom were talking about giving the baby half my room since Mom said she was pregnant! Don't stand there and act like it's something else! Sorry that I'm mad I wasn't told I would be coming home to my room being half gone when the baby ain't even movin' yet! Sorry that having to give it up before the baby's even here pisses me off!" Okay, now his accent was slipping. And he was on a roll. Whirling around to Krillin and Yancha, he spat "Were you in on this?!"

"Son Gohan! Enough!"

Okay. That was a tone he could count on one hand the number of times he'd heard it. It was enough to stop his tirade in its tracks. Mom might have been a booming presence of a woman but...

Daddy's "Dad Voice" was scary.

That look wasn't kind either. Gohan hated that look. It was frustration, anger and disappointment all rolled into one glance. Gohan's stomach dropped at it and his eyes followed.

"Ya done, son?"

Nodding, head still down, hair in his eyes, he offered, "Yessir."

ChiChi chimed in, "Good then you apologize to Yamcha and Krillin right now! For your information, Gohan, no, they weren't aware of this and even if they were, they still spent a pretty penny on you and that's how you say thanks?!"

Guilt and shame flooded Gohan's face and his heart followed. Turning, he met the faces of his two friends who less than five minutes ago, he'd been laughing and joking with. He bowed low and kept his eyes down. "I..I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. You guys went out of your way today and I'm being a spoiled brat. I'm sorry."

There was quiet a moment and then a pair of arms wrapped around Gohan and pulled him into a tight embrace. Looking up, Gohan blinked at Yamcha who grinned at him. "Don't you worry about it, kiddo."

Krillin offered his own hug around the boy's shoulders as he pulled away. "Kinda makes me feel better to see you act like a kid, sometimes!"

ChiChi huffed, "No excuse."

Yamcha eyed her "Naw, maybe not but understandable."

Gohan turned from the two men back to his parents and looked up at his father who hadn't budged from his arms-folded stance. "I'm sorry, Father. Mother."

Goku let out a huge sigh and looked skyward. "You ready to listen to me, now?" He hated when he had to be stern and he hated it even more when—

"Yessir."

Gah, he was NOT a Sir!

"Yeah, this started because of the issue of the baby room but that's not ALL we're doing." Goku knelt again. "I figured that since Daddy built this place the first time around, what's to stop me from doing it again? And if I getta decide that then maybe I decided to make your room a little bigger, add in a hallway so you can't hear the baby so bad on the other side?"

Gohan blinked, surprised. "I...I'm not losing my room?"

ChiChi shook her head, "No, Gohan. You're not. Your father decided it would be a fun project to expand the house instead. Give you each your own space."

Gohan turned back to his father who put his hand under the boy's chin again. "But I might need me a partner for this. I'm moving a lotta wood and I'm not too good at measurements and stuff. Plus, I want these rooms to look good! Who do I know that's creative, good at math and can move a whole lotta wood better than anyone else?"

Red colored Gohan's cheeks. "Me?"

Goku grinned, stood up and snapped his fingers. "Knew there was somebody." He looked at the mess of wood and dust. "Might make sleeping a little hard but it's been a little bit since you and I camped out under the stars, hasn't it?"

Gohan just gaped. He wasn't losing his room. He wasn't losing the meditation room. Instead...he was gaining. More space, separation from the baby, a chance to add his own flare into his own space. How long had he wanted to make his room his own, give it his own flavor? And now he could.

And not just his. The first sight his younger sister (yes, he was SURE it was a girl) would see would be something HE made. Something HE decided on. Something HE thought they'd like.

There was an odd kind of pride in that.

"Can we start now?"

Chapter 18

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

"Are you mad at me?"

Goku paused, the broken bits of bamboo and wood neatly stacked to the side. The gathering of supplies was going well and Gohan always surprised him with how much he could do and how fast he could do it. Maybe it shouldn't have; after all, he knew what his son was capable of.

But this melancholy question cut Goku's heart. When he turned, Gohan was looking downward. Still binding the bamboo together as tight as he could. There was a slight cutting into the bamboo; Gohan was pulling it hard. Hard not to see the connection between emotional distress and breaking bundles.

Standing up, stretching, Goku returned a smile to his son. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Cause...earlier." Gohan remarked. "I know I apologized and stuff but what I said..." Gohan didn't know what was worse—what he said or the fact that he said it bothered him less than he thought it should. Oh, not the yelling at Krillin and Yamcha—-that he felt like utter crap for. As he did about the fact he slapped away his father's hand and raised his voice at him. But...what he actually said...about not wanting to lose his room so early especially with the baby not even here yet...he'd MEANT all that.

Did that make him bad?

Goku's eyes softened. He flopped to the ground, patted his lap. "C'mere, little man." The utter welcoming tone in his voice melted whatever tension had encased Gohan and he felt...well, accepted.

Maybe he was too old but he really didn't care. Setting aside their work, Gohan crossed the short distance in quick strides, threw his arms around his father and settled in his grip. It had been a while since they'd done this. Maybe...yeah, when Daddy had followed him to Roshi's after they learned about Mom's pregnancy. Couple months then.

"You're too hard on yourself, little man." Goku rested his forehead on his son's for a moment then said. "I mean, yeah, I wasn't happy that you were yelling and rude but we addressed that. You apologized for it. That was that."

Gohan eyed him. "What about...what I said?"

Goku tilted his head. "Oh, about being left out and that you shoulda known if we were doing anything with your room and why do you have to give up your room when the kid's not here yet and that you were pissed?"

Face red, Gohan nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, did you mean it?"

Gohan considered. "Well, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions but then it wasn't an attack and as far as I knew, we weren't gonna do my room until later...yeah. I meant it. I was angry. I felt...cheated."

Goku only nodded. "Why would I be mad about that?"

Eyes wide, Gohan stared at his father. "But...it's not just about me..."

"No but how does that make you being angry or disappointed any less...well, okay?" Goku grinned sheepishly. "The lady tol' me another word for it but I can't remember."

Cocking his head, Gohan inquired. "Lady? What lady? Not Mom."

Shaking his head, Goku answered with a gentle ruffle of his son's hair. "No. Not Mom. Your mom is thinking ahead on a lot of stuff but that doesn't mean I can't do it too." He read the confusion in his son's eyes and elaborated. "After we all met with Tights and Bulma, I asked Tights if there was somethin' else I could do to help you. Cause I don't like it when you're sad or mad and I can't fix it. So I asked her what else I could do."

Gohan nodded; that was just like his father. "What did she say? Lemme pitch fits like a baby?"

"No. She didn't say that but that's kinda what the medical lady said."

Blinking, Gohan looked up, leaning his head against his father chest. "Medical lady?"

"Yeah. Tights said I should ask this medical lady—said she helps people when their brains are thinking weird and it makes them sad."

Gohan shifted, turned to sit on his knees so he could be face to face with his father. "A therapist? You went and talked to a therapist?"

"Sure did." Goku beamed. "Seemed like—"

Gohan interrupted, all atwitter with questions. "But Daddy! You and Mom like the privacy. That's why we live out here. Therapists get all...personal."

Shrugging, Goku responded. "Eh, she did a little bit but I didn't have to tell her a lot. Just what I needed to in order to help you."

The prospect of this blew Gohan's mind. He knew all too well that one reason they did not use therapy was because they wouldn't believe half of what happened to him. Their lives were way too bizarre for that. But also..Daddy hated doctors. With a passion. Any kind! Even the offices made him all jumpy. But he went?

Gohan inquired as such and his father just smiled.

"You're a smart boy, Gohan but sometimes you miss the most obvious answer. I went cause I wanted to help you and that means more to me than being all uncomfortable."

That did give a warmth to his heart and the preteen relaxed against his father's chest. Maybe it was a little selfish but hearing his father would put aside something like that for him...it felt good. It meant he was important despite all this change going on and that was grounding.

"So...the therapist said let me throw a fit?" He finally asked. "That sounds weird."

"Well, that's not exactly what she said." Goku amended and looked down at his son. "She said if you get dangerous then we gotta correct that but as for whatever you say you're feeling..." The Saiyan took on a soft smile. "Let you, she said. Lots of emotions are gonna be coming up and the last thing we want is you keeping them all buried." Trailing a bit, Goku remarked, "Kinda worries me that you do that all the time and she said only way to fix that is make it so you ain't afraid to talk about them."

Gohan frowned, considered. "She said I was afraid?"

"Well, she said something makes you uncomfortable enough to keep 'em in and then they come out in all kinds of other ways."

Made sense he supposed. Like a boiling kettle. "And me pitching a fit like I did, saying the things I did, is...okay?"

Goku heaved a sigh. "I probably won't explain it as good as she did but lemme try, okay?" Once again, Goku wished there was a therapist that knew about all their adventures that he could take Gohan too. But more than half the planet if not most of the planet, believed Mr. Satan saved them, not his son. Perception was obviously not their strong point.

So he'd make do with what he had.

"She said that we shouldn't let you be home violent. I already knew that. But when you start taking about how you feel—whatever it is—we needa listen and accept that is how you feel." Goku stroked the boy's hair back. "You saying you felt cheated because we were working on the room already—it doesn't matter if your mom and I think that you have no reason to feel that way—you still do. Emotions are different, she said. And I don't want you to think they're wrong."

The Saiyan leaned back, obviously thinking on how to phrase the next bit. "She said there were three things when you get upset—what happens, what you think and what you feel." Goku paused, then reached down and drew small little figures in the dirt. Gohan smiled at it. Drawing wasn't his father's best talent though that didn't stop them from doing it together. He was still able to recognize a house, a thought cloud and...well, him screaming.

"She said the emotions and the start..." he pointed to the first and third pictures "Are stuff we can't change or control. Cause you never know what might make you sad or mad or whatever. You can try to avoid things that did it before but you never know what'll do it later. And whatever you feel" he glanced at the third picture "is a reaction, like a reflex. You can't turn it off."

Gohan nodded, wasn't that the truth! Emotions were raw and powerful and as much as he wanted to "turn it off" he simply couldn't. The boy reached out and laid his hand over the middle scribble. "What about this?"

"What you think—she when something happens, you think something without even knowin' it and that makes the emotions. So..if we talk about the emotions, we can talk about the thinkin' and we can change the thinkin' so you feel better." Goku paused, scratched his head. "I think I got that right."

Gohan smiled, leaned into his father. "Makes sense to me Daddy. I...I appreciate you asking someone for me."

Goku squeezed the boy back. "You're my son. If I can help you, I will."

The two sat there, quiet a long time. "When I saw the room torn down," Gohan finally said, "I...I guess I was thinking...why do I hafta lose THAT?" He swallowed. "Lost so much else—and that room..." he blanched, stopped, bit his lower lip. "We used to play there...before Raditz and everything. Even Mom would come in and color or read or..." He closed his eyes. "It was a "before" place. When if anything was wrong, you or Mom could fix it. And...I don't wanna lose that."

Goku just nodded.

Gohan looked up at his father. "I love the power I have Daddy. I love growing stronger with you and meeting everyone but...sometimes, I like to pretend that...to go back to that simple life we used to have. It's silly but it helps. If I get frightened or overwhelmed, I can go back to those memories. And...if the baby came in then..."

Goku held him a little closer "That the baby would make new memories and we'd forget your old ones?"

Gohan was quiet, contemplating. "A little yeah...okay, a lot yeah. Same thing with the meditation room. It's...safe. No bad memories there. But it's just...well, they're full of MY memories. I want the baby to have that too. But do I have to erase mine for it?"

Goku shook his head. "Of course not." He squeezed his son a bit. "But why would the baby having their own memories get rid of yours?"

"I..." Slumping, Gohan confessed. "I dunno. I guess...everything else has gone away...so I figured that this must mean that time was up too and I wanted to keep it as long as I could." He pondered what he'd said, what his father had said and glanced about him. The lushness of Mount Paouz had not dulled with time. He had a lot of memories here too. "But I guess...memories aren't tied to a place, are they?"

Goku rested his chin on his son's head. "I dunno. Maybe in some ways but not too. I mean, I can remember my fight with my grandfather at Baba's. I could retrace it, step by step, if I wanted to. Here, at Bulma's, wherever. But would it mean more to be back there? Sure." Looking down at his son, he said, "You don't have to have your room to keep those memories. But if it makes them easier to keep then that's important too."

Gohan nodded. "I want...I want some things to stay just mine. There's going to be a lot of things I share with the baby. And maybe a lot of them will even be fun...maybe. But, I want some for just me."

Goku smiled. "And what's wrong with that? A baby coming doesn't mean you're going to have to share everything Gohan. I mean, yeah, at first it's gonna be hard and we're not gonna have as much time but if you wanna go out as just me and you, we can still do that. We can still make memories that are just us."

That felt like a weight taken off his back. "Even if the baby wants to come?"

"You'll sometimes have to give me or Mom time with just the baby. Cause they need those memories too. But it works both ways. Sometimes the baby can come. But sometimes, he or she is just gonna hafta wait."

Gohan took a hefty breath and locked eyes with his father. "This is so confusing, Daddy. I used to be able to depend on my emotions making sense. Now...I mean, I'm mad and sad and yet still excited and intrigued by the baby. I mean, when you said I could help with the room—it was neat. It's still neat that I'm gonna make something the baby'll see first. But I'm still..." he heaved a deep sigh again. "It's...complicated."

Goku shrugged. "Emotions are. If an animal dies, I'm sad it's gone, happy it's not suffering, frustrated we couldn't help it in time...you can have lots of different emotions, son. Just tell me, maybe, that you're feeling a lot of things so we can go and let you vent and talk and work through it, okay? It's new territory for me too but—" he stopped suddenly and snapped his fingers. "That's what the lady called it! Just came back to me."

Gohan smiled. Memory did that sometimes. "What Daddy?"

"Valid." He laid his forehead on his son's. "No matter what anyone says you SHOULD feel—your emotions are valid."

Notes:

So, I think this can be the confusing part for a lot of people—the emotions that seem so mean and cruel but fact of the matter is—we feel what we feel. There's appropriate ways to express them but what you feel should never be invalidated.

Chapter 19

Chapter Text

Bulma was giddy.

Granted, quite a few things had that effect on her but being able to have a girls' day out—no, WEEKEND— was definitely one that never failed to plant a smile on her face. She and ChiChi definitely had their spats from time to time but it was a great friendship overall. They definitely could both empathize with the birthing and rearing of a half-Saiyan child! Aside from that very common ground, the more they learned about one another, the more they liked one another.

Bulma left her plane running, engine rumbling. One nice thing about the countryside. She never had to worry about anyone trying to swipe it. There was no one around for miles, save a handful of animals and if THEY started to steal her things, that was another matter altogether!

That said, she was still a bit taken aback when the familiar house came into view. They had done some hefty work on it! She could make out the bare bones of at least three new rooms and the material for painting and roofing was starting to take shape on the lawn. Curiosity winning out, she took that angle to approach.

Shouting to be heard over the breaking of wood, scrapping and lifting, Bulma hollered "Hello!" If she hadn't known the workers to have exceptional hearing, she would have thought she'd had been missed entirely.

Yet a smaller head poked over the collection of frames and dust. "Oh! Hi, Bulma!"

Chuckling, she remarked "Hi to you too, Sanddust Head."

Gohan gave a cheeky grin and tossed his head from side to side, letting the puffs of dust fall away. "Whatcha doing here?"

Bulma gave a smile without any attempt to hide it. "Your mom and I are taking a girls' weekend, didn't she tell you?"

"She tol' me." A new voice chimed in, as Goku came up behind his son. "Figured I'd keep it as a surprise for Gohan." Beaming down at his son, Goku ruffled the boy's hair. "Mom and Bulma will do their girl stuff and you and I can have a weekend, sound good?"

Oh, the grin that took Gohan's face could have lit up the universe. "Just is, Daddy?!"

"Just us, kiddo."

Turning to face Bulma, Gohan intoned "Want me to find Mom for you?"

OOO

"Nice to get away from all that pounding and cutting?"

ChiChi leaned back, grateful for the soft cushioning. It was a rare thing to get to ride in a jet—certainly not something she engaged in very often! As much as she and Bulma often hung out, it was an odd thing to allow herself to be treated. ChiChi felt greedy for doing it even if Bulma insisted. But she finally gave in on this offer. A weekend of shopping, good food and some potential spa treatment was simply too good to pass up.

"Ah, the noise you get used to after a while," ChiChi admitted with a stretch. Her stomach was showing but not quite as rounded as it would be. She still had a few months after all and if this one was anything like their brother, the growth always exploded near the end. "And Gohan has really gotten into it. Picking colors, talking about furniture...it's the first time I've seen him excited for the baby."

With a wide grin, Bulma squealed a bit. "Awesome! Is he still only calling it a sister?"

ChiChi winced a bit. "Hard not to notice that, eh?"

"Just seemed like he grabbed that idea and clung to it."

ChiChi nodded. "Well, he's still holding onto it. It's either 'sister' or 'the baby.'"

Bulma nodded. "He talked anymore on why?"

A shake of the head. "No. Goku and I have asked him but he just says a girl would be "better." He's doing a lot better with telling us when he's feeling upset or sad but there is something there he won't break on yet." She looked a bit downtrodden. "Maybe Goku can weasel it out of him this weekend but...that's one area where he takes after me."

Bulma made no comment to that, despite the truth of it, and simply remarked, "Well, maybe he'll be right and it will be a sister. You wouldn't turn down a little girl, would you?"

Starry eyed, ChiChi let herself drift. "A little girl would be wonderful but I don't know, Bulma. This one feels like a boy." She glanced around her friend "But then, that's one of our tasks this weekend, right? Long as you still want to do the party?"

Bulma beamed again, kicked her feet lightly. "You know I do! And you're sure you don't want to know?"

"Not until the party, Bulma. Let me find out with Goku and Gohan. But you have fun with the planning."

"Ooo, you know I will."

OOO

"That's it, Daddy! This room is done!"

Goku wiped his forehead with the back of his wrist. "Nice timing, Gohan! Looks pretty good, don't you think?"

Glancing about, Gohan could agree with that—larger than they had planned but that would be good in the long run. They'd made his room a great deal bigger so it seemed only fair that the baby should have the same. Windows were a must, Gohan had insisted so two wide openings were carved from the bamboo and wood to accommodate them.

"I think so, Daddy. So the windows and paint and furniture next?"

Stretching skyward, Goku grinned, "Well, I think we've earned a little break, what do you think?"

Gohan gave his father a cheeky grin in response. "Spar?"

"Then a nice dip in the lake before lunch sounds good to me, how about you?"

In answer, Gohan threw away the scarf around his neck that had been keeping dust out of his lungs and took to the sky. "Then you have to catch me, Daddy!" Then in a flash of gold, he turned Super Saiyan and left a sonic boom in his wake.

"'ey! No head start, little cheater!"

But quickly the father was in the air, pursuing his son. Finding him was easy; the boy wasn't even trying to hide his energy and that blatant trait clued Goku in enough time stop the fist before it hit his face.

A quick kick and light ki push back followed by "Oh, you'll have to do better than THAT," and the fight was on.

Gohan had grown so much over the years. With every punch the boy landed, Goku grinned like a fool. Gohan more than matched his power and he was a smart thinker. It didn't take him long to realize that his father was vulnerable the brief second after Instant Transmission and he took full advantage of that, despite not knowing the technique himself.

Though not for lack of pleading; Gohan had asked Goku numerous times to teach it to him but the Saiyan has slays avoided the request. ChiChi had been adamant on the fact that she did not want a teenager—-wow, was his son really going to be teenager soon? Was this was it felt like to be old?—being able to pop in and out on a whim.

But Gohan was responsible. He always had been and that hadn't changed. If anything, he was proving he was a smart thinker, strategic and maybe...with all that was going on, he deserved a bone or two thrown his way. Would likely take him some time to learn the technique in any event.

Though this WAS the boy that learned Super Saiyan, full control of the form and even surpassed it in less than a year. Though the control over that second form was less than perfected.

Goku pondered that.

"Hey, Gohan!"

His son stopped in mid attack, withdrew, hovering just a few feet away. "Yeah?"

"Why don't we try out that other form of yours? You haven't used it a lot and-"

"No." There was a deep snap to that response, like it was on fire. "No."

Goku cocked his head, let his Super Saiyan fade away. "Mind telling me why? Aren't you the same kiddo that told me that IF I was right and you could surpass me that you—"

"I don't like that form, Dad."

Ooo, Dad not Daddy. He was treading thin ice here and he definitely didn't want their weekend ruined. "Okay."

He didn't press, didn't push but Gohan gave him a bit more to work with regardless. "It scares me. _I_ scare me in that form."

Goku nodded, approached and wrapped his arms around his son. "Hey. Gohan. If you don't want to, you don't want to. But can you do something for me?"

Setting his father with a suspicious look as the man was quite good at making him do things that he didn't want to do, Gohan asked a cautious "What?"

Goku's face stayed calm and he gently pushed some stray strands from Gohan's eyes. Boy needed another haircut! "I want you to think about the other times you were afraid. The other times you thought you couldn't do something because you were scared."

Gohan opened his mouth but Goku put his palm over the boy's mouth.

"Cool it, let me finish. I don't want you to answer right now. I just want you to think about it and I'll ask you later. And tell me what makes this form so much scarier. Think you can do that for me?"

A bit deflated, the boy gave a nod. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Good." Goku gently pulled back a bit "Oh and Gohan? One more thing."

Curiosity peaked. "What?"

The playful grin took his father's face as he gestured to the waterfall behind them. "Hold your breath."

That said, Goku grabbed his son and hurled him to the water below. Gohan had taken the man's advice and after nearly colluding with the lake bottom—his father's throw was nothing to sneeze at—he plowed back up through the water, giving a laugh and a gasp all at once. His dark hair fell into his eyes and pushing it back, he sent a glare up to his father though punctuated it with a smile. "Lots of fish down there, Daddy. How 'bout a fish fry?"

Goku dove in just beside him with a "If you can catch a bigger fish than me, Daddy might have daifuku stashed somewhere."

Gohan vanished below before Goku finished his offer.

OOO

"Good stuff, huh Gohan?"

The boy turned from his position on the ground, licking the remains of the sweet from his lips. "You should get daifuku more often, Daddy."

The Saiyan snorted with slight amusement. "You'd never eat anything good for you if I kept it stocked."

"Would so," Gohan dropped his argument though, setting his eyes on the stars above. Lunch had been great and while they did go back to some more cutting and working and planning, dinner had been another challenge—one that Gohan emerged victorious for when he dropped a pterodactyl at his father's feet. Goku, never one to break his word, had supplied another reward of stuffed mochi.

Now though, with late night rolling in, the work of the day had taken its toll. Gohan was pretty certain that he might fall asleep right here on the grass and be completely fine with it.

"Hey Gohan, how about we sleep somewhere special tonight?"

Gohan blinked, moved to half sit up. "Like where? No roof on any of the rooms yet."

Goku grinned "Nope but we'll be able to fix that before your mom comes home. Naw, I'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight." That said, he stood up and called out loud "Flying Nimbus!"

Gohan blinked and stood himself as the yellow cloud tore across the sky and stopped just above them. It looked a little bigger than last Gohan remembered it. "Did Nimbus grow?"

Goku laughed. "Guess you could say that. I asked ol' Master Korin if I could add to Nimbus from big Nimbus. That way if we needa go somewhere, we don't always hafta take that car." Goku lowered his voice as if he was imparting a large secret. "Your Mom loves it but it's a little slow for me."

Giggling lightly, Gohan jumped up and landed on the cloud which immediately took his weight. It was bouncy as always but the half Saiyan child could definitely see the appeal for it as a bed. Leaning over to look at his father, he teased "Well then where are you gonna sleep, Daddy?"

Jumping up himself, Goku gently shoved his son "Aw, move over, silly."

Gohan did so and as soon as Goku laid down, arms folded behind his head, he mimicked his father, half nuzzling into his side. It was reminiscent of some of the cold nights in the Time Chamber. It brought back rather pleasant memories. Half turning to his side, burying his face into Goku's side, Gohan remarked, "I like weekends like this, Daddy."

A warm chuckle and then one of Goku's hands settled in Gohan's hair and gently massaged his scalp. "Me too, little man. We'll make sure we keep doing them every so often, okay?"

Gohan was soft in response "Just us?"

Setting his son with a look, Goku continued his little massage as Gohan leaned a bit further into his side. It was times like this he really missed Gohan's tail. He used to be able to knock him out cold with that. "'Member what I said 'bout that?"

With a sleepy nod, Gohan answered. "Sometimes us. Sometimes us and the baby. Sometimes you and the baby."

Goku nodded "Yep, good memory. I know it's not gonna be the same but we'll still have times for just us, I promise."

"Good. I doubt a sister'll want to do camping and fishing anyway."

Goku frowned. That was something he'd noticed and he knew ChiChi did too. Gohan always called the baby a sister or just the baby. "Well, you never know. Your mom was pretty feisty." Goku paused, treading carefully. "And it might be a brother."

Oh, Gohan's ki reacted to that. It reacted intensely to that. As if Goku had just told him that he would be in a battle for his life. "Gohan?"

"Not a brother." The words were sharp. "I bet it's a sister."

"But...you never know. A brother wouldn't be that bad, would it?" He gave a light smile to his words.

"...bet it's a sister, Dad."

Goku frowned, again. There was that switch again from Daddy to Dad. "Well, maybe you're right. A brother would still be fun though."

Gohan didn't reply to that and judging by the way he turned himself nearly into a ball, it was evident that he was not going to talk anymore. Goku was surprised that Gohan let him push him this far. He would need to try another angle. Much as Gohan had opened up a lot since their little talk, he still clammed on this and on the Super Saiyan 2 issue.

Lady said he would probably do that. Said there were always topics harder to talk about and he'd have to be really patient. Well, he could certainly do that and Gohan hadn't outright refused to think about the Super Saiyan 2 so that was ...something. Better than nothing!

As they laid there, Gohan's breathing turning heavy and Goku glancing at the stars, he opted for one final push.

"Hey, son?"

A light mumble responded though Gohan didn't open his eyes. Kiddo was almost completely out. "..'eah?"

"Didja think about what I said earlier? 'Bout why this new level is different from the other times you've gotten scared? Cause you just plowed on through the other times!"

There was quiet and Goku for a moment was sure Gohan had just conked out but then he got a response "'ifferent. 'Ade me 'ifferent."

Luckily, Goku was well accustomed to translating his son's half asleep babbles. "Made you different? Eh, but you were still my Gohan. How'd it change that."

The boy hard turned and dug his hands tight into his father's shirt. "Murderer."

Chapter 20

Chapter Text

"Daddy, what else can I do for Mom?"

Goku turned from his painting, eyeing his son. Despite his best efforts, Gohan had refused to talk anymore on either the Super Saiyan 2 form or on the prospect of a brother instead of a sister. He'd all but shut down completely when you brought it up. Goku knew that was abnormal and he knew his son needed to process whatever was scaring him so badly about it but the boy refused to crack.

Technically, he supposed he could have searched his mind, like he did with Krillin on Namek. However, that was not only draining but invading. If he wanted his son to be open and honest with him then doing something like that would absolutely ravage any chance.

So, he would just need to keep trying in whatever ways he could. Any time Gohan showed enthusiasm over his mother's pregnancy and the coming baby, he was quick to encourage it. So, with green paint smearing his face, Goku grinned at his son.

"I think your mom is gonna be plenty happy to have the house done, Gohan."

Kicking at the ground, Gohan agreed with a nod. "I know but I wanted to have something for her when she came home. Nothing big but just...something. Cause you know Bulma is gonna spoil her."

Goku rubbed the back of his head with a laugh. "Oh, I know she will. Bulma wants to plan the Shower Party. Your mom said she wanted to surprise us at the party and Bulma was her partner in crime."

Gohan had to admit that a small nugget of anxiety settled in his stomach at that. What kind of surprise? Wasn't having a baby enough of a surprise?

"She doesn't have two in there, does she?" Gohan's tone was reluctant.

Goku laughed out loud. "Nope. Just one. Don't blame you for asking though. Your mom ain't told me much but I'm bettin' she's gonna tell us if you're getting a brother or a sister."

If that was meant to help, it didn't. So many things ran through Gohan's head. If it was a boy...if it was a boy...

Breathing felt hard, like he was in a thick mist and someone was pressing on his chest. He could hear his father, calling to him, but it felt far away. Like over miles and miles of space. Yet he knew he was close.

If it's a boy, you know what that means for you.

Gohan winced, visibly and emotionally. That self depreciating voice that had become more and more quiet the more he'd spoken with his parents was talking again and it was louder than ever. He'd never told them about it but after Daddy started talking with him about feelings and being honest and stuff, he'd looked it up himself. Guess it wasn't unusual for some people to have self-depreciating thoughts and that damn voice was his.

He'd almost forgotten about it and now here it was again, louder than ever. If he thought it would make a difference, he'd have cursed it out.

You know what'll happen if it's a boy. You know what that will mean for YOU.

No, shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I can't trust anything you say!

Isn't that rich? Aren't I you? Who can you trust if not yourself?

Not you! You're...you're a part of me that lies and says things that aren't true.

Then why are you so afraid of it?

Afraid...yes, he was afraid. So desperately afraid. Afraid it was right, afraid it would be proved right, afraid to face that fact and...

Hot. It was hot. And breathing wasn't getting any easier. Strained, like it wasn't coming fast enough, like no matter what he did, there simply wasn't enough air and it was getting hard to focus. Like when he'd been slammed into the ground by Freeza and thought his skull was going to crack. Like that only on his chest. His heart felt fast, like he was in a battle but he wasn't and—

Air! Air! He needed air! Why couldn't he breathe? Why wouldn't that vice shut up and...and...air, just let him breathe!

Smell.

A smell that was hard to place at first but then he recognized it. That was the wild wind, sweat and pollen smell of his father. With a slight acidic scent of paint.

"In with me." It was soft, relaxed and Gohan felt his father pull on his hand—sweaty as it was—and lay it on his father's belly.

"In and out with me, son."

Gohan's fingers tingled as his father's stomach expanded out with an inhale and he struggled to mimic it. His father's fingers tapped on his nose.

"In through here. Out through here." His fingers tapped the boy's lips. "Just focus on that."

Gohan tried. Breathing through his nose, he tried to just feel that and just hear his father.

"Taste it. Hold it."

Taste it? Well, yeah, anything you took into your mouth had a taste no matter how small and Gohan had Saiyan senses. There was a slight hint of orange to it—must have come from the nearby groves.

"And out with me."

Open the lips, let it slip out. It was rather mechanical but it was sufficient. He was getting air and the toughness of his father's tattered shirt under his skin helped to.

In.

Hold.

Taste.

Focus.

Out.

In.

Hold.

Taste.

Focus.

Out.

Gohan counted five more cycles before he felt comfortable enough to pull away and look up at his father.

Nothing but concern greeted him. "Are you okay, son?"

No. No,he wasn't. He should be. By all accounts he should be but he wasn't. But to say why and to realize it was true...he couldn't do that. He couldn't do anything right now. If he told his father, he'd just...well, the prospect of having those thoughts confirmed just terrified him. He tried to focus on all the times they'd talked before and how no, no, what he feared would never come to pass—

Murderer

Gohan broke down into tears, big fat ones that ran down his face and his voice cracked and broke and the more he sobbed, the more he tried to stop sobbing and the harder they came.

At some point, Goku picked him up and he found refuge in his father's shoulder but no other words left his mouth.

OOO

"I don't think we should make it a big fiasco."

ChiChi turned from her position by the stove and eyed her husband. He'd been seated at the table since she came home and she'd asked where Gohan was so she could thank him for the new rooms, Goku'd told her to let him sleep.

"What do you mean?" Wiping her hands on a towel, she approached, resting her hands on the table. "I thought you said a party to celebrate the baby AND Gohan would be a good thing."

"Is it a boy, ChiChi?"

The human woman scoffed. "I don't know—"

"ChiChi, this is important, is it a boy?!"

Ooo, there was a sharpness today that voice she was unaccustomed to. Her voice sank slightly. "I gave the results to Bulma. She wanted to make it into a cake or something for the party so we'd ALL be surprised." Her eyes fell. "I thought it was a sweet offer."

"If it's a boy, you and I need to tell Gohan. He doesn't need to find out surrounded by people."

ChiChi frowned. "Is he still..."

"It's something deeper, Chi. I dunno what it is and your stubborn son won't tell me. But if it's a boy, we're gonna need to work with Gohan, help him process it." Leaning back, he sighed. "Maybe it is a girl and we won't have to worry about it."

Sitting down in a chair, ChiChi shook her head. "I don't know for sure. It feels like a boy, for what that's worth. I didn't wanna know so I could be surprised." Her face fell considerably. "But I can ask Bulma. But shouldn't we still celebrate?"

Goku gave her a smile, took hold of her hands. "'Course we will. I still think havin' a party is good—'pecially if we're celebrating Gohan too!" He eyed her. "And if you wanna be surprised, Bulma can just tell me. I just think if it's a boy, I needa prep Gohan for it."

"Well, that party is for Gohan too! He's going to be the big brother. That's worth celebratin' as much as the baby is!" Her eyes softened and age tightened her grip on Goku's hands. "Goku...is it...do you think it'll be that bad a reaction if Gohan finds out its a boy?"

Pulling away, Goku put his hands to his face, rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I've been tryin' to wrestle the reason from him all weekend. I don't know much more except he's afraid. Like, really, really scared." Goku's face looked decades older. "And he won't...or feels like he can't tell me. My little man can't tell me."

The two parents were silent for a long time.

ChiChi swallowed and stood. "Why don't we talk to Bulma? I...I really would like to be surprised but if Gohan needs us to—"

Standing, Goku put his hands on her shoulders. "If it's important to you to be surprised at the party, then we'll make sure you are. I'll talk to Bulma. Then I'll talk to Gohan before we do the party, okay?"

ChiChi glanced over her shoulder and Goku wrapped his arms around her. "Goku, I want him to be happy and I KNOW he'll be such a good big brother." She laid her hands on her stomach, which had slowly begun to grow. "Be patient with him, little one. But you're so lucky you'll get him for a brother."

Goku held her tight for a while.

Chapter 21

Chapter Text

"Hey Bulma!"

The voice was familiar though the blue haired scientist was rather surprised to see him. Well, not completely surprised. After all, they were gathering for the party later that day. Much as she supposed she should have waited a little longer, she knew ChiChi was busting at the seams to find out. It seemed only fair to let her know as soon as she could!

So when Goku popped his head around the corner, she turned from her ordering of food for that afternoon and gave him a smile. "Well, if it isn't the proud Papa."

Goku laughed a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yep. Always have been."

Shaking her head, she stood "What's up, Goku? We only have a few hours. Couldn't contain yourself?"

Goku shook his head. "Believe me, I've been trying to get over here for the past three days."

She cocked her head, "Three days? What took so long then?"

Goku grinned sheepishly. "Well, the first day, Gohan was insistent on spoiling ChiChi all day. So we were going on picnics, he was gathering fruit and meat for her and I think we went all over the globe gettin' her dinner."

Bulma gave a warm grin. "Did she cook?"

"Nope. Gohan and I did. With step by step instruction." He laughed. "We actually managed to not burn it and ChiChi was happy not to have to stand up for so long."

He went in after a brief pause "Then the next day, the little irrigation channel we made for that garden went all crazy and started flooding everything. I think we lost 'bout half of what we planted and Gohan and I spent all day fixin' and replantin.' Kiddo slept like a rock though."

Bulma shook her head "I'm surprised that mountain tries to mess with you anymore. But you got it fixed?"

"Yep. Gohan figured out how to harden the channel with our ki so now none of the Earth messes with it!" A look of pure pride took his face. "He's a smart kid."

Nodding in agreement, Bulma consented. "He is. I see it every time we meet up. So that was the first two days. I bet you were busy. So was I, shopping! So what happened yesterday then?"

Goku winced. "Pregnancy kicked ChiChi hard. She ain't had no mood swings or nothin' but yesterday she was getting all nauseous—poor Gohan thought it was his cookin'—and so we were just trying to make her feel better. I hadda tell Gohan that sometimes pregnancy does that." He half poured at Bulma. "Ain't fair though. You guys go through enough birthin' the baby."

"Isn't that the truth?" Bulma shook her head. "Is she better today?"

"Yep. All perky today. Well, except her ankles." A nostalgic look took his eyes, "Her ankles always hurt with Gohan and yesterday they started swellin' a storm so must just be a pregnancy thing with her."

Bulma sat back in her chair, letting it roll back a bit. "Well good! You should spoil her; carrying a half Saiyan kid is no picnic and has he even started to kick her yet?"

"Not yet. Squirmin' though!" He eyed Bulma. "That's why I came Bulma. 'Bout this party."

She stood again. "Oh, c'mon, it's for ChiChi and Gohan and you! You shoulda seen how excited she got when I opened that envelope! She's biting to know, Goku and I've got the perfect way to tell her!"

"What is it, Bulma?"

She set him with a look. "Really? I thought it was ChiChi that was gonna be all impatient."

"Bulma." Letting out a breath, he said, "ChiChi wants to be surprised but Gohan is still strugglin' with this. Lots more than I betcha is normal. But he ain't tellin' me why. I dunno if he can tell me why. He's gettin' better but...this weekend when I tried to get 'me on board for a brother, he started to panic, had trouble breathin' and all that."

Her face paled some. "Still? Even after workin' with him?" She frowned. "Thought he was more open minded than that."

Oh, the look she got could have withered a field. "My Gohan IS open minded. Usually. He's the sweetest boy I know. There's somethin' else goin' on Bulma." He eyed her, paced a bit. "He's afraid. I can't get out of him what for. But it's somethin' unusual. Somethin' deeper. Somethin' that's got him scared to death and it's somethin' about a brother not a sister."

Bulma nodded, said nothing.

"So, I want to be able to celebrate. I think showin' Gohan that being a big brother is something that he gets celebrated for because of who he is..I think that's real important, Bulma." He paused, faced her "But if it's a boy, I needa prepare him before we all come over today. I needa let him know."

Bulma gave a nod again. "I can move the gender reveal stuff aside for later. We can celebrate Gohan first then do something smaller for you guys for the baby. Because I know ChiChi still wants that."

Goku nodded "She does and she oughta have that. But I know that Gohan wouldn't be actin' like this for no reason. So I gotta help him too."

Amazing, the human woman thought. Who'd have thought Goku would grow up to be so wise? When he'd approached her about a therapist to help him work with Gohan—as much as they could—she'd been thrown for a loop. For all his failings, his paternal love was on point.

Taking a deep breath, Bulma locked eyes with him.

"It's a boy."

OOO

Goku's trip home was focused and deliberate. He knew they'd be leaving with the Ox King for the party in late afternoon so he might have just enough time to try and calm Gohan down before the party. His son wasn't selfish. It wasn't in his nature and even if he could be a little clingy sometimes...after everything his son had lived through, Goku felt that to be entirely justified. Heck, Gohan had tried, unsuccessfully, to keep all this to himself so that it didn't ruin their enjoyment of it. The idea that he had all these feelings and he'd willingly eat them all for someone else. Not a lot of people would do that.

Then there was...he'd said 'murderer' that night. Goku knew he'd heard him right and as much as he wanted to think it was some crazy nightmare, he knew it wasn't. But that didn't tell him a whole lot only that there were some dark things in his son's mind and he couldn't fix them.

Then there was also the obvious.

Another boy! He was gonna have a second son! Oh, what would this one be like? Like Gohan? Like ChiChi? Like him? Some weirdo mix or none of it?

Goku didn't care. Despite the circumstances, he couldn't resist a "woo-hoo!" and one or two loop de loops. If he hadn't needed time to plan his approach, he'd have instant transmitted but now he was glad he didn't. He wanted time to celebrate too so he didn't blab to ChiChi.

"Another boy! Alright! Me and Gohan are gonna have so much fun with him! And ChiChi too! Aw, man! So glad I came back!"

Oh, the things he would have missed if Gohan hadn't talked some sense into him. He didn't even want to really think about it!

He did want to think about what was to come. He could imagine the trouble two boys would get into but it made him smile all the same. He did miss Gohan being little so being able to have that again...

He might have squealed a little.

Goku!

Screeching to a stop in midair, it took him a moment to process. "King Kai?"

I need to talk to you now!

"Aw, can't it wait, King Kai? I'm a little busy today!"

Well, considering it's YOUR FAULT, no, it can't wait!

Goku groaned out loud but after a slight pause, focused on the deity's energy and vanished.

OOO

He reappeared on a large planet, must have been that Grand Kai's planet that he'd been told about. King Kai was standing right in front of him, sipping from a soda.

Channeling just a wee bit of his exhaustion the last few days, Goku mimicked his wife a bit, hands on his hips. "What?!"

The small blue man scoffed a little "Well, excuse me! Sorry to inconvenience you, Home Wrecker!"

Goku let out his breath through his teeth. "C'mon, I already said sorry! I gotta wait for the dragonballs to bring you back and bring your planet back!"

"And you didn't think to use the other wish on the Namekian dragonballs when you came back?!" He folded his arms with a snort.

"Uh...no? Sorry, wasn't thinkin' 'bout that."

A look bordering on offended glanced back at him.

"Look, King Kai, what is it? You said it was my fault and it was important so what is it? I got things to do tonight!"

That seemed to at least reorient him to the topic at hand. "When my planet blew up, Goku it blew a seal on something else."

Goku eyed him, cocked his head. "Your planet was a seal?"

"Not exactly but the gravity and position—" he blinked at Goku's dumbfounded face. "Let's just say yes, for all purposes, yes, it was a seal."

Scratching his head, Goku asked "So what came out?"

King Kai almost looked embarrassed. "A bit hard to say. It's been so long—"

"You don't even remember what you sealed away?!"

"Hey!" Came the protest. "We hafta monitor a lot of things. All we know is that it took multiple Kais and a lot of old warriors to seal them away! We're talking on par with Perfect Cell here, Goku! Maybe more!"

For perhaps one of the few times in his life, such a prospect did not ignite Goku's blood. "Really? Now?"

"Well, we're trying to figure out where they went off to..."

"And who they ARE?"

"...yes. That too. They definitely weren't sealed away for being the galaxy's best friend who brings cookies."

Goku glanced upward a moment. "My son saved the world from Cell. I died and came back. Before that, we had Freeza, Vegeta, the Androids. When I was a kid, there was that shrimpy blue emperor guy, the Red Ribbon Army, King Piccolo..."

King Kai eyed him. "Yeah, earth is appealing..."

"Look." Goku's tone was very heavy and even. "My wife's pregnant. My son is dealing with a lot of changes and emotional stuff right now. I'll keep my senses out for any weird ki or anything but..." Putting two fingers to his forehead, he all but snapped. "YOU'RE Lord of the Worlds. YOU all are the Kai. It's your job to handle these threats and stuff, right?"

"Well, yes but—"

"Then do your job." And with that, he was gone.

OOO

Reappearing outside his home, just by the forest edge, Goku heaved a sigh of relief. Felt a little bad about cutting King Kai off like he did but he had his own problems! Why was it his job to save the galaxy every single time? They had Kai to do that.

Besides, he had things he'd rather focus on right now.

Like...

"Gohan! ChiChi?"

Silence. No running feet. No shouting, no screaming about him being late. In fact, it had been the animal and land ki that had guided him home. He'd become so commonplace that he never bothered to think about what ki he was locking on.

As he walked inside though, he saw no signs of life aside from a note on the fridge.

Dad came and took us early. Will meet you at Bulma's.

"Crap."

Chapter 22

Chapter Text

Gohan wasn't real sure what to make of it but the party was pretty welcoming thus far. He'd expected it to be decked out in blue or pink, depending and he was a bit ashamed that his heart felt as if a weight were lifted off it when he saw neither. He instead found the room covered in greens and yellows, no huge signs declaring the baby or anything like that.

A portion of him felt relieved. The little inner voice had not shut up once, not since his father had brought it up. His logical side knew that the chances of a brother was nearly equal to a sister but as much as he tried to come to terms with it, he could not. He knew, from the research he'd done (though he knew it was perhaps skewed as all research was) that a brother would perhaps be nearly the same experience as a sister...

But he could not believe it.

So, as they began to gather and Bulma's workers brought out enough food to make Gohan's mouth water, he found himself searching, even subconsciously for a sign that it was a girl. He shouldn't have; Bulma was an expert.

"Hey, there he is!"

Turning around once then twice, Gohan blinked "Huh?"

Bulma smiled and rushed him, giving him a large hug with a ruffle to his hair. "You silly! You ARE the soon-to-be-big brother, right?"

Cocking a brow, he replied cautiously "Well, yeah. But we're celebrating the baby, right?" It still made his mouth feel like sand but he swallowed it away. This was for his mother and father. He could endure it.

"Sure," Bulma said with a shrug "But it's for you too. Becoming an older brother is something worth celebrating too!"

Was it? He couldn't really feel it but he smiled, nonetheless. "Is it, Bulma?

"Of course!" ChiChi made her way over and hugged him. "Where do you think your sibling is going to see how to be strong, smart and caring?"

Gohan eyed her. "You and Dad."

She smiled, gently stroked his hair back. "Partially yes but through you too! They'll have it right in front of them! They'll get to see how wonderful it looks! You're going to play a big part in this Gohan, one that your father and I can't do!"

At that, the other guests began to gather and Gohan was glad for the distraction because his mother's words fell like stone on his stomach. He knew her purpose just like he knew the purpose of the congratulations that began to rain on his ears. He was meant to feel happy, proud. Perhaps not excited but intrigued by the prospect of being a learning curve to a new member.

If it was a sister, he could perhaps get behind that. He wouldn't lie that he had begun to imagine seeing a sister grow up under his mother's gaze, as he did and leaning on him and his father. He imagined her watching him walk his path with awe and admiration but choosing a different angle to lead her own life. Perhaps that was unfair because he knew all too well—his own mother was proof of it—that her being a girl did not mean that she would not be drawn to the martial arts but he clung tight to that denial. That possibility of her path being different from his. That...he could not break from that. They had to have different paths.

And if it was a boy?

He couldn't...would not...consider it.

"Have you talked with your folks about names, Gohan?"

Shifting his attention to the voice, he shook his head at Yamcha. "Uh Uh. They haven't mentioned names to me."

The older man smiled. "Well, that was tough for them with you. I bet they'd welcome the help."

The prospect was intriguing but he was no good at girl names. Maybe after his mom? She'd like that. He voiced such. "A girl should have a name like Mom or maybe after Grandma?"

ChiChi gave Yamcha a grateful look. She'd been trying to get Bulma's attention but wasn't having a lot of luck but this break let her wander off. "Maybe. Why don't you ask Grandpa what he thinks?"

Her father, always fairly clued in, made his way over "A girl named after my wife? Oh, that would be a lovely idea! Did I ever tell you about her, Gohan?"

ChiChi gratefully left the group with her father and rushed to Bulma's side, catching her arm. The blue haired scientist smiled. "Hey ChiChi, where's Goku?"

She frowned, folded her arms tight over her chest. "That's the problem. He didn't make back home before Dad came to pick us up. He wanted to treat us a little. Did you see Gohan's new drawing pad and pens?" She had bitten down the impulse to ask why not a journal or writing book—she was not going to fixate on that anymore but old habits were hard to bury sometimes. Seeing Gohan smile at the prospect of just drawing helped.

Bulma blinked and asked "So, he didn't talk to Gohan?"

ChiChi shook her head. "No, not yet. That's what I wanted to ask you..."

The blue haired scientist beamed, "No worries, ChiChi. I moved the gender reveal stuff so we can do it later, once Goku gets here and talks to him. You'll still get your surprise but we'll work with Gohan on it."

ChiChi nodded, glanced about the room. She saw Yamcha, Puar, Oolong, Master Roshi (wisely keeping his distance) Piccolo, Yajirobe (stuffing his face) her father, Bulma's father, Tights but no Vegeta or Trunks. She set her friend with a slightly baffled look, "Where's Vegeta and Trunks?"

A coy smile. "Mom wanted to help with the desserts and details. I didn't want anything happening like when you told us you were expecting so I handed Trunks to Vegeta and told him that he was at a prime age to learn the Saiyan tongue. He might not learn it properly if he never hears it. Imagine that, a prince of the Saiyan race not knowing its language? Rather scandalous and pitiful, I'd say."

Despite herself, ChiChi smiled. "And he took the bait?"

"Oh, full force."

"Won't Trunks get bored?" She had to admit, the idea of leaving a baby alone with Vegeta did not sit well with her. Though, she supposed Bulma knew him better than most.

"Not for a while," Bulma took a sip of the water and soda on the table while ChiChi piled some hors d'oeuvres on her plate. "He's at the age where anything that sounds different or odd is hilarious to him. Ever heard the Saiyan tongue?" When ChiChi shook her head, Bulma went on "It's a very gravelly sounding language. Trunks and Vegeta will occupy themselves for a while."

Nodding, ChiChi took a bite of cracker, still watching Gohan with the others. He was laughing, smiling, something she missed seeing so much. But, should they be so accomading? She'd be thinking on it the last few days even though she knew the mother in her couldn't bear to see him hurt when she could help it. All the same, it was nice to have a moment to ponder it.

"Am I right, you think, to be so gentle with him?" ChiChi's words were gentle. "You know, I can't stand to see him hurt but I wonder sometimes if being forward with him about how things will be would be better?" But then, she wondered, there was that panic attack Goku told her about...

Bulma was quiet a moment. "If you'd asked me that yesterday, I would have agreed with you."

"You don't now?"

She shook her head. "I don't. Not after what Goku told me. If I thought it was just a kid being jealous and unsure or something like that, then yeah, I'd say after some time, just thrusting the truth on him might be the wake up call. But I don't think that's what going on."

ChiChi eyed her, tracing the punch glass with her finger. "No?"

"No. This is irrational, beyond what even extreme jealousy does. I think there's something deeper. Something here." She tapped the side of her head. "Let's face it, Gohan's been through a lot. That can sometimes...knock some things around." Bulma set her eyes on the boy she considered to be her nephew. "I mean, this is the kid that didn't falter against Freeza, who stood and faced Androids down and who evaporated Cell down to the last molecule." She took a breath "And he has a panic attack when he talks about possibly getting a brother? He refuses to delve into why. He bottles up most of his feelings—but he's getting better on that, Goku said, right?" ChiChi nodded but gave a so-so gesture with her hand. Bulma shook her head again. "Something is amiss HERE." She pointed to her temple again. "And just throwing the news on him and saying "deal with it!" Uh Uh. If he was capable of dealing with it, he would be."

ChiChi bit her lip and Bulma gently took her hand. "I wouldn't take someone that had been attacked by dogs and throw them in a room full of them and expect them to be fine. Not without months and months of preparation, therapy and gradual exposure. I wouldn't take someone with anorexia, throw them in a room full of mirrors and tell them to just believe they weren't fat. Wish it worked that way but it doesn't. Brain doesn't work that way. If Gohan's got some kind of cognitive...misinformation or something, just telling him to accept something won't do anything."

ChiChi eyed her. "So...what do we do?"

Bulma sighed. "What we have been doing. I know it's frustrating and irritating but there is no shortcut. Doesn't mean we stop life or that we can't let you and Goku celebrate this kiddo," she grinned at ChiChi's belly. "But it just means we have to be careful and mindful."

The human woman nodded. "Do you think it's this training? These battles?"

"Can't say for sure." She meant that. While most people would say that it definitely had to be the violence, Bulma wasn't so sure. Gohan had shown remarkable resilience to it and she suspected his Saiyan blood had something to do with that. Vegeta has even told her that the Saiyan mind was not easily disturbed by trauma and war which she supposed made sense from a biological viewpoint. Granted, Gohan was half Saiyan but...The baby coming had definitely triggered it but that had so many possibilities. "It could have been building for a while. We won't know until Gohan starts telling us." She hugged her friend. "Don't worry. It might take us some time but we'll figure it out."

Her embrace was appreciated. "You know a lot more 'bout the mind than I do, Bulma." ChiChi confessed.

The scientist took on a proud face. "Soon as I started working on inventions that messed with the body, I figured I better take some biology. No expert though!"

"No," ChiChi set her plate down, cleaned her fingers and her hands. "But you know more than me or Goku. Could this...misinformation really make him this scared?"

"Sure." Bulma thought a moment. "Think of it like your mind interprets the world through a lens. If your lens becomes cracked or miscolored, it doesn't matter how many times I tell you the rock over there is a rock. If the crack in your lens makes it look like a monster, you'll see a monster. So you have to fix the lens."

That made sense. Much as it did not help ChiChi, it did make sense. It seemed her maternal instinct was proved right yet again. That was slightly empowering.

Hearing Gohan give a sudden giggle helped too.

Wrapping her arm around ChiChi, Bulma advised. "C'mon, lets go enjoy this!"

OOO

The displacement of air in the midst of the chattering group only served to temporarily throw people for a loop. Gohan was all smiles when his father faded into view. "Daddy, what took you so long?!"

Goku recovered fairly quickly and scooped his son up, tossing him skyward, though being mindful—he didn't want to break Bulma's ceiling. When the boy fell back down, he laughed as he caught an armful of boy "Well, you all took off without me! And I hadda chase off this dinosaur from the garden!"

Bulma smiled "I can give you a fence or something for it."

Gohan shook his head "Naw, Bulma. Daddy and I can make a stone barrier or something. Think that would work?"

Goku laughed "Well, it's a pretty big dinosaur but you're pretty smart. I'm sure we'll figure it out." He spied his wife and greeted her a moment "Sorry, I'm late."

Despite herself, ChiChi smiled. "Goku, you'll be late for your own funeral."

The Saiyan laughed, rubbed the back of his head. "Did I miss anything?"

Krillin snorted. "Just your kiddo raiding the food."

Gohan grinned sheepishly. "Bulma said I could!" He felt fully entitled with that knowledge and when his father gave him a pout, he countered "There's still plenty, Daddy unless Yajirobe ate it all!"

The ronin looked up at the sound of his name "Eh?"

Goku groaned "Oh, c'mon! Didn't you leave me any?"

"Everyone for themselves, Goku."

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Give me some credit, Goku. I planned for that. We've got plenty."

Light took Goku's face again. "Oh, good!"

Thus the tension broke. Goku led the way to the table though, it was notable he waited until his son came with him. Bulma could see deliberate attempt when it was in her face and quickly drew the others away. After all, there were plenty of things to discuss.

"So, ChiChi how did the nursery room turn out?"

OOO

"What did you wanna talk about, Daddy?"

Goku smiled, trying to keep the warmth in his eyes even though nerves must have been radiating through his ki. "What makes you think I want to talk to you about—" Goku stopped, amended his statement. "Nope, not gonna lie to you. You're right. I do wanna talk to you. Figured gettin' some good food first would help."

Gohan didn't argue that. Food was always a comfort and while Bulma's cooks were certainly not as good as his mother's cooking, they definitely tasted good. Especially the sweets! Bulma always used more chocolate and cream than his parents usually thought was good for him.

"Is it about the baby, Daddy?"

Goku gave his son a gentle squeeze. "You're still my smart kiddo. It is. I know you're not real thrilled talking about it but it's important."

Nerves stirred in Gohan's gut. He'd never really lost them though the food and laughing and teasing certainly provided good distraction. The inner voice that had been silent or at least minimal for the duration of the time here was suddenly shouting. Shouting, screaming and howling about how this was what he had been dreading.

The baby has finally won them out! It's going to all be about the baby now. All about the baby!

"What about the baby?" He managed.

Goku gently laid a hand on his son's head, rubbing his head like he'd always done. Gohan allowed himself to savor it for a moment.

"I know that preparing for the baby has given you a lot to try and process and figure out, son. It's a big change."

A change he never wanted. A change he did not want. A change he would have been fine without except he was no longer enough for his parents. He was no longer enough.

"But I wanted to talk to you about—"

"Bulma! You forgot the lovely surprise!"

The sound of Mrs. Briefs and the rustling of her movement, plus the clatter as she pushed by some chairs nearly drowned out Bulma's cries.

"Mom! No! I said we weren't doing that anymore!"

"Oh? But you worked so hard on it!" As she spoke, she stumbled forward and the large box she carried slipped and its top opened. "C'mon just let's see it go!"

Before Bulma could even reach her mother, the activated invention within sprung to life. It was a slender looking thing—a dragon, obviously modeled after Shenlong. Same colors and everything. Bulma had intended to play tribute to the journey that had eventually led Goku and ChiChi together.

But—no, no, no!

The dragon flew as fluidly as something made of nuts and bolts could. Hover technology had all but been invented by Capsule Corp after all.

Bulma looked to Goku with something akin to panic while Gohan followed the invention with his eyes, utterly distracted from whatever his father had been about to say.

The small dragon flew up and around, darting down and up and around. It seemed to be scanning the room before finally settling on ChiChi and it spun in a neat circle over her head.

"Your wish has been granted."

Then, in a flurry of sparks, it ignited into blue fire.

"Congratulations on your baby boy!"

Chapter 23

Chapter Text

Time stopped.

Well, at least for Gohan it seemed to stop. He was abruptly aware of the environment—everything seemed loud and chaotic even though there was very little shouting aside from his mother's squeal. Commotion from his grandfather about getting another grandson and congratulations abound but it was all very muted, as if heard through miles of water.

Almost distantly, like he was an observer outside of himself, he felt his fingers wrestle the blue confetti from his hair and brush it off his shoulders. He heard his own voice but it didn't feel like he was saying it—it felt robotic, without emotion: "Congratulations, Mom. A new boy." And without even knowing how or when he said: "A better one."

That statement, said so nonchalantly, acted as a catalyst and he felt himself slam back into his body, like he'd been thrown from a good distance away. Suddenly, everything was loud, everything was distracting but nothing was louder than that voice in his head.

See? Your time is done. Fate has given them another boy. And why shouldn't it? Newer, stronger, better.

Better.

Gohan tried to remember what he'd learned, about how siblings were supposedly individuals and how they were not dependent on one another but it fell to deaf ears. All he could remember was that...

Was that...

Screaming. Lots of screaming. And sobbing. Crying. Hysterical crying. The kind of crying that only happens when the entire world has ceased to make sense and the very foundations upon which your livelihood was buried crumbled under your feet. It was a deep seated cry, one that erupted from the heart far more than from the chest or throat.

But so so shrill. Like...like the sound a wounded animal made. The sound that when you heard it, the only humane thing to do was to put the creature out of its misery. If you were to leave such a creature to continue to howl out so much pain and suffering, you were truly a dreadful person.

It took Gohan a moment to realize that horrible noise was coming from him. It all felt so distant. It was only when his throat felt like it was going to tear open that he even made the connection he had something to do with that noise. Raw, scratchy, painful and Gohan could feel the slightest acidic taste. Like iron almost. Blood.

But he couldn't even see anymore. Not because he had closed his eyes or anything but because his entire vision had turned white. Pure white, with nothing to be seen for miles around. Like the Room of Spirit and Time except he knew there were people and things but he couldn't see them, almost couldn't be bothered. He really couldn't even tell WHAT he was even thinking. So many thoughts blazing by at rapid speed that all he could do was feel:

Pain.

Hurt.

Fear.

Sadness...no, deeper.

Grief.

Guilt.

Anger.

And so many others that were all of those in one and yet none of them at all. He couldn't name them; he felt he could not even grasp them. They were flying by at a speed he could not follow. He was alone, lost. Lost amid the torture of his own emotions.

Get away. He needed to get away. He had to get away.

Go where? Why? Say what? Excuse himself? He didn't think he even had to capacity to speak anymore, let alone do anything resembling explaining. Too hard. Too hard to think. Too hard.

Just run.

So he did. He ran. Or at least he was pretty sure he was running. It was still so white and he felt so...separate from himself. He could feel a light buzzing in the ears and he felt some mild bruising and pressure from something but he couldn't really focus. It didn't seem worth the trouble. Just get away, anyway possible.

His ki fired and he was relieved as the air embraced him. Go high. Higher. Higher. Higher. So high he could barely breathe and it became so cold that some of that white haze faded and he could just barely make out the slender line of black and dark blue that marked the barrier between atmosphere and the cold of outer space. That explained why breathing was so hard. Not much to draw from.

Gohan let his ki drop so that gravity pulled him down, just a bit. Enough to be out of the zone where breathing was a struggle. Letting his body fall and the cold cutting his flesh, that damn voice was back.

It's over. Your time is done. Your place is lost.

Nonononono!

You know it's true. The new one will be better. The new one is unmarked. The new one isn't a failure.

Shut up!

You know it's true. You've been denying it this whole time but you cannot do it anymore. The baby will come and whether they realize it or not, they will place you two in comparison. And you shall always come up lacking. As you have always come up lacking.

It hurt. It burned. It throbbed. His entire chest hurt and it was a hurt born from the soul. The kind of bleeding that you couldn't stop and seemed to zap all semblance of strength from you. It was like someone had hit him right in his core and he'd never felt so afraid. He may have screamed out for his father but he didn't know. All he knew was that all these emotions were making him afraid and it was a deep seated fear not easily shook. Because in his innermost self, much as he said otherwise, he believed the voice.

He didn't know what to do. Perhaps, on some level, he knew that he needed to cling to reason, that he needed to process but he was too far gone in his emotions to make that possible. His emotions were an ocean and currently he was drowning in them. The intensity made him quiver and he felt like a little child again, helpless to do much about it save cry for his father and weep.

Then, deeper, deeper in his spirit, a feeling, a call he had heard but ignored. A call he pretended did not exist and terrified him far more than the self depreciating voice did, much as he despised it.

THEN LET ME BACK OUT.

No. Stay there. I don't want you.

YOU DO. ALL THESE EMOTIONS...SO CONFUSING, SO OVERWHELMING. FAR TOO MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT.

I don't need you.

OH BUT TO LOSE YOURSELF! LOSE YOURSELF IN THE POWER! REMEMBER HOW THAT FELT—RAW POWER. NO WORRY, NO CONNECTION, NO—

I don't want to lose myself again! I can't lose myself again! I won't lose myself again!

YOU'D RATHER STAY AS YOU ARE? DOESN'T IT HURT, BLEED, ACHE?

...course it does.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE IT STOP. YOU REMEMBER THAT WHAT IT FELT LIKE. LIMITLESS. POWERFUL.

...I don't need—

WITHOUT EQUAL.

It wasn't just that inner...source now. He felt that self depreciating voice too, loud as ever.

You are outmatched. The new baby is better.

WITHOUT EQUAL.

The new baby is everything you are not! The new baby is beyond what you will ever be! You've a stain on your soul that he will never have!

LET THE POWER FLOOD YOU AGAIN! BE WITHOUT EQUAL AGAIN!

Gohan caved.

He felt it in him again. That deep, roaring strength that turned his muscles to steel and his reflexes to lightning. Felt the breeze that swept through his hair and burned it to the color of sun. As his vision cleared, sparks of lightning danced across his vision.

For a moment, Gohan found he could relish in it. The feeling of absolute superiority. The knowledge of knowing he had no equal in the world. The security of being full of pride.

It felt...alien. This sense of utter confidence. It made his stomach twist but he wanted to swim in the feeling. He wanted to bathe in it.

"Gohan?! There you are!"

Turning, his eyes shimmering amid shed tears and the sunlight, he met his father in mid air.

"Woo hoo! Look at you! I told you that you could do it! Look at that! I tol' ya!"

The praise fell on deaf ears. Gohan set him with the same cold stare he remembered from months ago. "I didn't want to."

"But ya did." Goku paused a moment, scratched the back of his head. "You left really upset. You...you weren't supposed to find out that way. I was supposed to talk to you first-"

"But it is a boy."

Goku nodded. "It is. But that ain't gonna change anything, son!"

"It changes EVERYTHING!"

Gohan's fist sent his father back a couple yards before the Saiyan father gathered himself, shaking his palm that had stopped the punch. A horrific bruise was already spreading. "Ayie, yie, yie! That's a nice right hook!"

Gohan didn't seem amused and when he struck again, Goku found his bones nearly gave with the blow. In a short time, he called up Super Saiyan but even full power Super Saiyan was faltering.

And Gohan's expression never changed.

"Look, Gohan, I know you're mad and upset—"

"You don't understand! You don't understand all of it!" He threw a blast to emphasize his point and his opponent merely backhanded it. Oh, if this warrior thought he was going to surpass him, he had another thing coming. He was far beyond him! Far beyond anyone!

Except maybe this baby.

No! Gohan drowned in the power again even as he screamed "The baby takes away everything! Everything! It's everything I can't be and I'll never match that! My place is gone and nothing you say will change that!"

"The new baby isn't taking your spot—"

A fist to his face stopped any further conversation and Gohan followed that up with a hit, a kick, a blast and the two of them collided with the earth. No talk. Just fight.

Fight. Kick. Punch again!

And he kept punching.

Even when his opponent stopped fighting back.

Gohan finally stopped, stood upright and waited for signs of life that he might need to eliminate. Challenge eliminated.

The gall. Trying to explain to him what was happening! The issue of the baby was only between him and his parents!

That IS your parent!A small voice screamed at him, a buzzing that had nearly been lost amid the power rush. He'd been deaf to it up until now. But now it thundered so loud he nearly stumbled to his knees.

STOP IT!

His parent? The power rushing through his veins, so drunk on power, blinked in surprise and his vision, only just beginning to clear and so fixated on the blood lust in his veins, finally started to operate normally.

And as the bloodlust and power stalled and the extra form faded away to level one, Gohan saw his fists coated in blood.

Not his.

The crumbled form of his father, hair matted with blood and still as ice cut into his heart and the golden fell to black.

Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

Falling to his knees, Gohan wretched his father's form up into his arms. "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Wake up! Wake up!"

When Goku didn't stir, Gohan's heart stilled. "Daddy! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't...I was just...I didn't want to feel anything and—Daddy just wake up! Please!"

Tears ran down his face and he sobbed. "DADDY!"

On an empty battlefield. Where Goku had whisked Cell away. Calling and screaming knowing it wouldn't be answered.

"Did it again...I did it again..."

A hand finally settled in his hair and breath blew on his ear. "Man...that form is...somethin' else..."

Stiffening, Gohan pulled back just enough that his father's bloodied smile greeted him. "Da-Daddy?"

"I'll be 'Kay, Gohan." He smiled. "Just quick visit to Korin or Dende."

"But I..." Gohan shook like he was lost in a storm. "I...I...I..."

Goku spoke and there was no anger in his voice. "I 'member the rage...Son."

"Why didn't you...why did..."

Goku gently brushed his son's tear stained face. "Ya had so much tears and yellin' bundled up in you that...thought lettin' you punch some of it out might help."

"No! No, it doesn't help!"

"Sure did. You can talk now." Goku argued. He sat up with Gohan's help. "That power's somethin' else but your ol' man's been doing this a lot longer. The Saiyan blood lust stops if your target falls. Ain't too hard to pause my ki long enough to trick that." He stopped, groaned as blood seeped through his lips.

Gohan just stared at his hands, still coated in a sticky red color. He felt sick, terribly sick to his stomach. "Daddy..."

A finger gently touched his chin and Goku's words were breezy, full of blood and aching breathing. "But we needa talk..."

"Daddy, Korin or Dende. We hafta get you to them!" Gohan's words were rapid and panicked as the rich red blood stained the man's clothes and skin. Blood he'd..

Goku didn't budge under Gohan's pulling. "Daddy, c'mon!"

"And I will. AFTER you tell me all the pain that's right there." Goku laid a finger over Gohan's heart. "That's the deal, my little man. If you want me to fix this pain..." he gestured to his battered body with a deep groan, "you tell me what hurts you so bad."

Chapter 24

Chapter Text

Gohan sat there, dumbfounded, staring at his father. Staring at the blood, the bruises, hearing the sound of his father's labored breathing as broken ribs moved with each breath. Every detail about him said that he needed Korin or Dende now but Gohan was also acutely aware of his father's seldom known stubborn streak. If Daddy said they wouldn't go until he talked, they wouldn't.

So, he sat there, trying best to articulate himself even as his mind would not stop screaming at him over what he had done. Over what he had done AGAIN.

It came with a low whimper then a gentle sob. His hair fell in front of his eyes and his heart ached. "I know you want me to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to be happy about a baby and I've tried. I know it doesn't seem like it but I have. I tried lying to myself. I tried getting excited over a sister...everything I could think of doing but my heart isn't cooperatin'!"

Goku just nodded, lay a hand on his son's face. Gohan clung to it tightly, his one solid anchor in the mess of emotions. "So what is your heart sayin' son? No filters. I wanna know, full force."

Trembling, his heart racing behind his ribs, Gohan went on. "Doesn't matter what you all say—EVERYONE compares siblings of the same sex. At some point. Because it even happens with same sex siblings. And...I was proud of being your son, Daddy. But I'll never match up to this baby."

"Gohan-"

"Cause the baby's not a murderer." There. He'd said it. "The baby hasn't killed its father." He looked up, tears in his eyes. "And I can't compete with that."

Eyes softening, Goku tilted his son's chin up, "Gohan. You didn't kill me."

"I nearly just did again!" Gohan shouted back, voice broken. "And I didn't kill Cell when I should have! I let the bloodlust control me! And you DIED for it!"

Goku stayed quiet a moment. "Gohan," he finally said. "Do you remember what I said to you on Namek, after I turned Super Saiyan the very first time?"

Blinking, Gohan asked, "Huh?"

Goku smiled. "C'mon, I know you remember it 'cause that was the first time I raised my voice at you."

The boy paused. Thought.

"Do as I tell you right now before I lose what little sense of reason I have left!"

He remembered that. It had stuck with him ever since that day. "You tol' me to go, to leave before you lost what little reason you had left."

Goku nodded. "I meant it too. I could feel what little self control I had slipping. That was one reason I stayed on Yardrat so long before I came home. When I looked at you on Namek...I started to forget you were my son." He shuddered, physically. "The blind rage just overpowers you. I toyed with Freeza when I should have just killed him and most of that reason was because of that bloodlust. That's the price we pay for Super Saiyan."

Gohan looked at him "But we learned to control Super Saiyan—"

"Super Saiyan. Not Super Saiyan 2." Goku corrected him. "If anything, what happened was my fault. I saw you tapping into it in the Time Chamber. I should have taught you to hone it, control it. Controlling Super Saiyan the first time was hard enough—I lost myself to it—and you were tapping into a level far beyond it. And you're still just a kiddo."

Gohan eyed his father, tears still staining his cheeks. Goku reached out, pulled him into his lap. "Gohan, tell me, when you entered that form either this time or the first time, did you lose track of who I was? Where you were?"

After a momentary pause, Gohan nodded. "It was like...I knew you at first but then it was just—fight. Like that was all I knew. And seeing fear...seeing the kind of damage I could do...that's why I toyed with Cell. I...I should have known better."

Goku shook his head. "Gohan, you're not listening. When you first hit that state, you lose yourself on the emotions, you drown in them. And if the main emotion is rage...well, what was it you told me 'bout anger you read in those books?"

Face deflated still, Gohan complied. "When we're angry, our frontal lobe shuts down a little. That's here." He pointed to his forehead. "And that where we do all our reasoning, all our rationalization."

Goku smiled, "So when we first enter Super Saiyan—any form of it—we're kinda all animal thinking, aren't we?"

"...guess." Gohan bit his lip "Especially if we're in battle. Animalistic brain takes over unless we know how to control it."

"And you remember how long it took when you first went Super Saiyan before you could focus or plan?"

"...long time." He stares at his hands, at the blood, until Goku covered them with his own hands.

"Gohan. Knowing what you know about what that form does to us, knowing we hadn't expected Super Saiyan 2 to be so powerful, knowing that you really couldn't think straight and were just following instinct and your Saiyan blood makes that fight not flight...what else could you have done, huh?"

Gohan considered. He should have thought the battle out but being drowned in adrenaline made that impossible. He should have been better trained but he didn't even realize he'd the ability to tap into the form let alone train to control it—controlling Super Saiyan took him weeks in the time chamber—without the threat of a battle on top of it. Achieving a new form in a life threatening battle was one of the worst ways to do it, he was utterly convinced.

Then there was this time. He knew maybe that it was a risk but the desire to not feel...it had felt like he was bleeding to death and the only way to stop it was to not feel at all. He never believed it would take away his ability to even recognize his father. He barely remembered anything his father had said to him in the Cell battle so maybe he should have but...much like his father, the prospect of not recognizing your family anymore was beyond comprehension.

And all those emotions he had...they were compounded ten, twenty, thirty, fifty times only without his ability to filter them. He had been wrong about the form. He thought it would push away everything but the sense of power but it didn't. It just transformed all those emotions into physical power. All that anger and fear and sadness and grief and loss became energy for his fists.

Tears still in his eyes, Gohan rubbed at his nose. "I did the only thing I knew to do. The only thing I could think of to do." He lowered his head a bit more. "It was all I knew how to do."

Goku leaned forward, forehead against his son's. "If there was nothin' else you coulda done, why do you torture yourself?"

When Gohan didn't answer, Goku asked again. "If there was no other way you coulda done that battle, why do you torture yourself for something you didn't know and didn't understand?"

After a moment, Gohan gave a shaky reply. "I...I dunno, Daddy. I dunno why I..." he swallowed the tears in his thrust. They burned like fire. "I...I dunno why I do that." Looking up at his father, face wet and eyes red, he finally relented.

"Help me."

Chapter 25

Chapter Text

"Alrighty! Much better!"

Goku beat on his chest once or twice then gave the cat master a hand bow. "Thanks a whole bunch, Master Korin! Just what I needed!"

The small cat gave him a cynical look. "Odd even for you to get all torn up wearing nice clothes."

Goku looked down at the suit that ChiChi had been insistent on and yep, it was near in shambles. "Eh...it's a complicated thing, Master Korin. You still have those clothes I left up here a few months back?"

Korin tottled to the corner and came back with some of his tan farming clothes. "You're lucky I didn't throw them out the window after you."

Goku just laughed as he took hold of them and stripped off his torn outfit. Korin didn't make much of a reaction but then, he'd grown used to this. "Aw, you even washed 'em for me!"

"DID NOT!" Came the sharp denial. "They were just stinking up the place."

"You're a softie..."

The cat stormed off with a low grunt but didn't go far. Instead, he sat next to Gohan who had been nursing the cup of tea Korin had given him as if it would shatter in his hands. He'd disintegrated the towels he'd used to clean up, promising to return with "better ones" before the week was out.

Setting Goku with a knowing look, Korin asked. "So, is this 'complicated' stuff have anything to do with your son?" He changed his vision to Gohan. "The poison in your ki is suffocating."

Biting his lip, Gohan lowered his cup, went into a humble bow. "Forgive me-"

Korin shook his paw back and forth. "It's an observation, Kid. Not an attack."

Goku approached and sat, wrapping his arm around Gohan. "One reason I came here instead of to Dende, Master Korin. You taught me a lot. Kami talked about ki and all that stuff but patience, self awareness...I got a lot of that from you and Master Roshi."

Korin snorted. "Glad you got something from us."

But Goku didn't laugh. "My son's got some ideas in his head about himself that aren't good. But he wants help getting them out."

Korin took this to heart. "And a therapist isn't exactly an option for you guys."

Goku sighed. "I've been getting tips from this one lady and I think they do help but there's only so much she can without really delving into his past and..."

Korin nodded "And they probably would think he'd lost his mind." He looked the boy over. "Don't know if they'd completely understand even without all that craziness. He's got Saiyan blood too. Makes it different than just plain ol' human."

Paddling over again, Korin took hold of the boy's hands. "I'll see what I can offer—long as you can be truthful with me."

Gohan nodded. "Yes Sir, I promise."

Korin looked the boy in the face, eyes focused. It was true, he had learned the nuances of the mind over the years. It was one way he figured out that it was the journey that was important more so than the destination. It had been Goku's climbing and descending Korin's tower that honed his speed and reflexes, not the Holy Water.

Gohan was a different animal but motivation was always the first thing to address. "Do you want my help, Gohan?"

The boy looked a but surprised at first then slowly nodded. "I was...I thought for the longest time I didn't need any help. Wanted to believe that, anyway. But after today...normal people don't do what I did."

"Normal is a foolish concept." Korin advised. "Changes all the time and you'll get a different answer depending on who you ask. What do YOU want?"

Silence reigned a long moment. Gohan had made a promise; he was loathe to break it no matter how much it felt wrong. Considering his response, he answered, "To feel like...well to not be afraid of being forgotten or less than my brother. I want to be able to feel proud and happy and not so...not happy with myself." It felt like that was a bunch of scattered words but it sad the closest he could verbalize. "I'm sorry. It's hard to... put into words."

Korin just nodded. "Mind and spirit are rarely easy to understand. Took your father three years to master what Kami had to teach him."

Goku rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah. It was kinda hard to wrap my head around. You're way ahead of where I was, Son."

Korin tapped the ground with his stick a moment. "I may have a means to let us get to the crux of this. But I need your word, Gohan."

"My word?"

"Yes. Your word. There's a method of prodding the ki, of getting down to its core. I rarely use it because it's a risky venture but given hoe much distress you're in, it might be worth the risk." He waited for the boy to nod understanding "But it's really important that you let your mind be open. If you start putting up barriers, you can get lost in there and not even I'll be able to get you out. You understand?"

Gohan found these situations were always precarious especially when he didn't know for sure what Korin was referring to. Yet he'd also learned that for all their idiosyncrasies, his father's old masters were to be respected and trusted. "I will do what I can, Master Korin. I think...I sometimes bring up these barriers without meaning to."

Korin nodded "If you recognize them, you can also pull them down again. It's gonna mean being completely honest with yourself. Can you do that?"

Gohan considered. It was so hard to be sure what was truth sometimes. But he did know he didn't want to hurt his father again, he genuinely wanted to feel good again and he wanted their family to be able to celebrate, in earnest and truly mean all of it. With a glance at his father, drawing reassurance from his smile, Gohan nodded. "Yes Sir."

Korin walked down the room a bit, saying, "Try to get as calm as you can. I'll be right back." He slipped away into a dark doorway that Gohan had never paid attention to before.

Relax? Get calm? How was he supposed to do that? The thoughts had not stopped racing since he dropped out of Super Saiyan though the words of his father had dulled their influence somewhat. Now, while he was willing to take any aid he was offered, how could he he...

Strong hands on his shoulders made him lean backward, hair falling limp and he gazed up into his father's eyes. "Hey." The baritone burned warm in his ears. "It's gonna be okay."

It was so hard to believe that. With all his emotions flooding this way and that, it felt nearly impossible to stay grounded. "What if I get swept away like Korin said?" He admitted. He HAD said that he would be honest. "What if I can't maintain it and never see you or Mom again because I lost myself?"

Least then they'd not have me to deal withcame the bitter thought. He wanted to choke it, force it down. His father didn't need to hear that.

But...wasn't that how all this built in the first place? Hiding? Shame?

Gohan forced his mouth to move even while his mind screamed he would just confirm what he didn't want to hear and the seed of fear made his knees shake. "Least then you wouldn't have to worry about all this. You'd have the new baby and just move on."

Gah, that felt rough to say. Yet, oddly cathartic.

His father's arms wrapped around him tightly. "No. Because we'd be looking for you until we found you. This baby will be his person just like you are. If he disappeared, you wouldn't replace him. And he isn't going to replace you. You've got your own little place in my heart. And no one but you is allowed there."

Gohan looked up at his father. "But he's going to be better than me."

Goku shook his head. "Gohan, he can't be 'better' than you because I'm not comparing you. You're you and he's him. Real simple."

Lowering his head, Gohan confessed. "It doesn't feel that way. And I don't know why."

Goku squeezed him a little tighter. "And that's why we're gonna help you. Remember what happened when you were little and you cut your knee it something? Or busted your lip in training?"

A small smile. "Yeah. You'd tell me it needed the three way cure. You'd wash it, put medicine on it and then you'd kiss it. You or Mom." It was one of Gohan's fondest memories.

Goku grinned in that way so unique to him then took one of the cloths lying near the bikes nearby, drenched it and gently wiped the sweat from his son's brow. "And that's what we'll do again. Maybe we'll hafta change the bandages a lot. But it'll heal."

Korin returned at that point, dragging a large pot behind him. It had to be at least four feet across, perhaps more. After a moment, Goku recognized it. "Hey, that looks like what I jumped into to find the Ultra Divine Water!"

"Works similar too." Korin finally stopped, panting a bit. "Gohan, let me see your hand."

The boy offered it up, albeit nervously.

"Conjure up some ki for me." He ordered. "Just a wee bit."

After a moment, Gohan obeyed. The small ball of white light shimmered, hovering under its own power. Korin pointed to the lip of the container. "Release it in here."

The small dot of ki collided with the cool water and the water boiled, turned a brilliant white and when it cleared, Gohan was staring at himself.

But a self that was bruised, bleeding, crying and coated in dirt, grime. When Gohan lifted his hands to his mouth in shock, the wrists of his reflection did the same and he could see iron shackles binding him. His eyes were clouded, white and glazed.

"M-Master Korin."

"It unveils what hides behind the mask." The Master said simply. "In order to heal it, you have to find the wound." He stepped back. "It's not the end of the healing. It's just the beginning. Can't heal until you know what's hurting. Find the bleeding wound."

Gohan looked up at his father, trembling. Fear rolled off him. Determination, yes, but fear. He reached out, clung tight to the man's hand.

Goku turned to the cat. "Can I go with him?"

The Master looked surprised a long moment then smiled. "You can. It might be better if you did. Easier to stay grounded if you have a solid rock with you."

Gohan nodded up at his father and Goku scooped his son up, pulling him tight into his chest. Gohan wrapped his arms tight around him, taking comfort in scent and feel. "You ready for this, Gohan?"

He swallowed. "I don't know but...I want to try."

Goku nuzzled him a moment, brushing their noses. "We're going together. We're gonna figure this out together. Remember in the Time Chamber? We built that power together and we're going to make your heart better together. Do you trust me?"

For perhaps the first time in a while, no doubt clouded his thoughts and Gohan nodded. "I do, Daddy."

Goku turned to Korin. "Same way as the other jars?"

"Yes—"

Goku grinned at Gohan, "Gotcha! Let's do it, Gohan."

That said, Goku tightened his grip on his son and with a yelp, leapt into the air and vanished into the wide pool of water.

Chapter 26

Chapter Text

It was cool. Empty and temperate but without any defining features. Much like the Time Chamber had been, so empty of anything but the small living quarters, this place felt the same. There was something similar to ground and air but it felt heavy and yet also without purchase.

Gohan gradually gestured his father to put him down though he maintained a solid grip on the man's arm. "Is this supposed to be my ki?"

"Sort of." Goku considered his previous experience with Korin's magic pots. "It kinda...well, it takes thoughts and emotions and makes 'em solid. Something to interact with. That's my best guess." He considered, glancing around, "When I went for the Ultra Divine water, it tempted me with what was in my heart so it must be able to read it."

So, it was metaphoric. Understandable, he supposed. Korin had said he needed to stay open minded, to not try and hide any thought that came his way but instead to just let it come. Waves of thought he supposed. If it was hard for him to identify why he fought so hard against this change, it made it all the harder to engage in it. To change it. If he could see the root of it—even in some metaphorical sense—then he could maybe work with it.

So far, nothing was showing; they weren't engaging with anything. Was he supposed to focus his mind on something? He felt great trepidation at that thought and tightened his grip on his father's arm.

Yes, he wanted help but all the same, he was terrified.

When he and Goku took to walking, his father considered then asked "So when you found out about the baby being a boy, what went through your head Kiddo?"

Immediately, the landscape changed. It grew hot, nearly smoldering and yet a sharp icy breeze cut through as sharp as razors. Gohan yelped a bit at it and accepted Goku pulling him slightly into his side, offering what little protection he could.

The voice came then, the voice Gohan had grown slightly accustomed to over the past few months. But it was so loud here. Booming, deafening.

Your time is done! They've made a NEW son! One that's better, stronger, kinder. One that makes YOU obsolete!

Gohan trembled against his father's side. Goku gently reached down and stroked the boy's hair back. Gohan glanced up at him, tears in his eyes. Hearing it out loud hurt more than he imagined it could. It was one thing to have to tolerate it in his own mind but to have to screamed aloud—

"Not true." Goku's words were fierce and full of fire. "Not true! I ain't gonna love this new baby more or less. My love for Gohan ain't changed any!"

It will be better. It won't be a murderer!

Gohan clutched his father tightly but his mind also drifted back to what they had talked about—the way the rage could blind you. The way the first transformation made you lose yourself. The way that he had misinterpreted things. The way he...

"Not...a murderer." His voice was meek, small but he stated it all the same. "Not a murderer."

You should have known!

It was more than just a voice now. The entire landscape seemed full of dark tentacles, slinking around like serpents. The air felt heavy and hard to breathe. As if it were weighed down with poison. Heavy, salty and oppressing.

You should have known! You should have done more! You should have done more!

Hail, but not hail, fell like burning fire but it never touched them. Gohan glanced up at his father but even Goku looked astounded. Reaching out, the half Saiyan gave a half yelp of surprise when something shimmery, like a forcefield, met his fingers and sent a feeling of...relief? throughout his body. It was hard to describe. Not quite contentness but a feeling of being removed of a burden. Of not carrying a weight when you had done so for so long.

I did the only thing I knew to do. The only thing I could think of to do. It was all I knew how to do.

The sudden repetition of what he'd told his father earlier felt alien and unclear. He nearly didn't recognize it as his own voice. Curious, he reached out and brushed the small protective shield again.

If there was nothin' else you coulda done, why do you torture yourself?

Of course. If they were in his mind then any memories or things he experienced would have a manifestation as well. Thus simple conversation he and his father had engaged in—it had literally created a defense from the onslaught of this self doubting voice. A rather effective one at that.

Because it was right. The more Gohan had time to process it, the more it made sense. It was so easy to lose yourself in emotion—especially pain, grief and sadness. The events of the Cell Games were literally drenched in such things. Now, with his father guiding him in processing it—the emotions were not as drowning. He hadn't been prepared for the onslaught that Super Saiyan 2 came with. He hadn't been prepared for the raw drowning power that took his reason over like a virus.

Maybe he'd made some mistakes. Maybe Daddy'd made some mistakes. Maybe they'd ALL made some mistakes. But one thing was clearer to him now than it had been in months: he hadn't killed his father. Much as him dying had hurt and made his heart cry and grieve, he was not at fault for it.

"Not a murderer!" Gohan repeated it and his voice rang harder this time. "I'm not a murderer!"

It felt weird to say it out loud. Good but weird. He felt his innards churn a bit, the same feeling he felt when he lied. But he knew he wasn't lying. Daddy wouldn't lie to him and logic wouldn't lie to him. Yet it still felt it. He was feeling like a liar for admitting he wasn't a murderer.

But...he HAD killed Cell. And the Cell Juniors. But that was defense, not murder. He was pretty sure that distinction was cut and dry.

He could hear them though. All around him. Cell's pompous, smooth and haughty taunts. The laughter of the Cell Juniors as they tortured his friends and family. He'd protected his family. Protected the earth. Right? Right?

What had seemed so clear to him on Namek...against the Saiyans...against Garlic Junior...it should have been even more clear now. By all REASON, he knew was clear but his emotions...why were they twisting his thoughts around? Making him doubt himself? Making him doubt what he knew was true?

He'd not noticed it before but his mind was telling him contradicting things. With the baby, with his own self worth, with this...

Validation...he needed validation.

Gohan turned, looked up at his father, seeking that reassurance. "Daddy...I...I didn't want to kill them but they were trying to kill you and Krillin and Piccolo and..."

Murderer!

Goku scooped his son up, looked him in the eye. "Gohan. You were stopping them from killing you. And me. And your Mom and the Earth. Remember what 16 told you?"

16...

Almost instantaneously, the Android's booming voice echoed throughout the chamber. "It is not a sin to fight for the right cause. There are those who words alone will not reach."

Gohan nodded. "I remember."

Goku pressed his forehead on his son's. "Sometimes fightin' and killin'...sometimes we don't got a choice in that. I know you know I love fightin' but do you really think I love killin'?"

Gohan shook his head. "I know you don't."

"You're right, I don't. I'd rather people attackin' us would just leave but sometimes, that don't happen." He smiled, sadly. "I've made my share of mistakes son. But I want you to know that you refusing to let Cell kill anyone else...that was right."

Gohan wrapped his arms tight around his father. Whenever Daddy explained something he always seemed to make it make sense. It always seemed so simple afterwards, like it should have been obvious to him. Maybe he should have been able to reassure himself but right now, with his heart so raw, he didn't know if he could. The idea of being here alone—he shivered, immensely thankful his father had come.

"Look what we've done already though, little man." Goku's voice was soft and warm, soothing to his ear. "You and I just talked through the battle with Cell and look what that's done." He gestured to the small dome currently protecting them. "Your mind mighta gotten all twisted around with some things but your good heart, your ability to think...it's still here. I think you're just drowning in all this...stuff."

Gohan felt that to be an accurate description. It felt so overwhelming, so much like there could not possibly be an answer to it. But when he could talk—openly and honestly—with someone that could redirect and challenge him and not make him feel silly or foolish—

It will never be good enough!

The booming sound from all around made Gohan's ears ring. He might have even cried out as he slammed his hands over them, trying to drown the sound. He briefly felt the ground sway beneath his feet.

It's never enough. YOU will never be good enough! Nothing you do is EVER good enough!

With what could only be described as a sickening crack, the ground gave way beneath him and the two Saiyans fell. Gohan stretched out for his father but it was like being swept up by a cyclone. That voice was now a churning sea and Gohan hit the waves hard.

Cold. Wet. Fierce and unrelenting. With each thundering "Never good enough!" Gohan lost more of his orientation. He was swept under the water and came up sputtering and struggling. He couldn't focus enough to fly and even if he did, it was like the sky itself would become water waves to crash down upon him.

It was an endless exhausting battle.

The third time Gohan managed to surface, he cried out, "Daddy! Daddy!"

But Goku was gone.

He was alone.

Chapter 27

Chapter Text

Goku tumbled head over heels amid foam and froth for far longer than should have been necessary. The water he fell into was dark—more like paint than water to be frank. It was cold and had a deep heavy feeling to it. Like it was weighed down with more than its own mass.

Surfacing, Goku took in a deep inhale of air, his eyes darting to and fro. He saw dark air, dark waves, with only the breaking of foam to bring any light to the place but most important, he didn't see who he sought. "Gohan!" His voice was almost swallowed by the emptiness in the air. "Gohan, where are you?! Answer me!"

Nothing. It was highly likely that the poor boy didn't hear him at all. The way the voice carried or lack there of created a crushing sense of isolation. It made GOKU uncomfortable and he'd lived alone for quite a few of his early years. This was a different kind of alone, one that cut you.

"Gohan!"

Nothing.

Drifting there amid the dark sea, Goku felt a sense of powerlessness. It wasn't something he felt very often. He had grown to despise it when it did come. If he couldn't find Gohan then how were they going to get out of here and get home and...

Fear.

Not from him although that was certainly stirring in his chest. This was elsewhere. Around him—under him—the sea. The sea he was currently thrashing about in was physical fear.

Goku had done his best to listen when he spoke to the therapy lady. He hadn't fully grasped everything she'd said though not for lack of trying. But he did recall her saying that fear was a primal emotion and that anger was usually used to cover up fear.

Then there was something else she'd said—fear always was based in loss. In some way. Goku wasn't sure he understood that but he did understand that this metaphorical sea was hiding something that was hurting his son and hurting him deeply.

If they were to get out of here, they had to find the root. Or maybe several roots. It wouldn't fix it—much as Goku wished it would—but it would tell them what needed fixed. Basic sense there. Hard to fix a leak if you don't know where it is or hard to patch a wound if you don't know where it's cut.

Goku inhaled and dove.

He didn't really know what he expected to find but when the sea suddenly vanished and he was floating in sky, he had to save that it wasn't what he expected. This was much clearer. He could make out familiar trees and rocks...

'Please, I don't know what to do!'

He recognized that voice. That was Gohan. But not the Gohan he knew. This was...Goku's heart felt heavy.

"That's my little Gohan!"

He had to maneuver a bit before he finally spied him. Yep! This must have been right after he died...the first time. Gohan was the right age for it. Goku felt a pang of nostalgia. Man, it had been so long. But there he was, small, with that surcoat and hat.

And Piccolo.

Goku frowned. He'd grown so used to Piccolo as a friend that seeing him like this with the glint of darkness to him felt surreal. He plowed deeper and the image in front of him glimmered and distorted before it vanished. He was left amid darkness.

Not for long though.

The area around him shifted and now he was standing in a pool of water and Piccolo, this younger Piccolo, appeared, his unconscious son grasped under his arm like a sack of potatoes.

Though he couldn't interact with a memory, Goku still instinctively leapt forward when the Namekian tossed his son into the water.

Still snapped at him too. "Piccolo! What the hell!?"

Gohan woke up quick enough, gasping and choking. Goku immediately went to wrap his arms around him only for it to touch nothing. "Right...memory."

"Your father's dead. He died saving you."

That voice while it came out as a simple snappy statement echoed here like a gunshot. Goku nearly had to cover his ears.

Piccolo...are you—my son's four right now! And you're gonna tell him that!

And whether intentioned or not, four year old Gohan's memory interpreted that in one simple way—your father's dead because of you.Goku didn't even need to hear it. The very landscape itself gave that away. It was...himself. The grass and lake and everything almost took on a grotesque version of himself as he'd been against Raditz. Clawing. Digging at the ground, all of them inching towards Gohan.

"Daddy died for me?"

Why didn't you listen?

Goku yelped, in surprise. The voice he was hearing was his but not his. It sounded like him but it was distorted and gurgly. The sound your throat made when it was filled with blood he realized abruptly.

Gohan was four the first time he heard that. He was four when he learned blood made your voice sound funny.

Why didn't you listen to me? If you'd listened, I'd still be alive!

He'd never told Gohan that. Never even thought it because it simply wasn't true! Didn't make a lick of difference that Gohan had not left. The result would have been the same! ChiChi woulda made sure he understood that, knew that! Or Krillin or Bulma...

But Piccolo was not that type; he wasn't even aware of such things back then. He was still so drenched in a desire for domination that the feelings of others were not important. Yet, even knowing that and knowing how much he had grown, as Goku watched his son weep in sorrow, he felt nothing but contempt for Piccolo.

"Shut up or I'll slit your throat!"

Darkness took the landscape, raw and unyielding terror. The fear of not just being alone but being alone with someone that as far as Gohan knew would as soon kill him as look at him.

And hearing that, feeling that even with Gohan's respect and love for Piccolo now, that this memory was still soaked in fear and uncertainty, Goku gritted his teeth.

He's barely more than a toddler, Piccolo. He's...he was a baby.

Granted, that was more ChiChi's phrase than his but Gohan at this point HAD been. Goku has indulged him probably a little too much but this was...Gohan had already been through a day! THIS was what happened? Goku had never thought about what it probably meant when he found out Piccolo had trained his son. Especially with how much Gohan obviously respected him. He'd never asked...

"I want Daddy to teach me!"

Goku's heart fell. Oh, the many, many times he had pleaded with ChiChi to let him reach his son. To let him show him the basics that his grandfather had taught him. Much as he loved the training that they'd done together, the time in the Time Chamber...those first lessons on basics had been denied to him and he would forever mourn that. Hearing his son ask for it made him smile.

"Too bad. Your father is a strong fighter, but he will be an unsuitable teacher. He's too soft for this. It's obvious, just looking at how coddled you are."

Goku shuddered when the atmosphere trembled, grew cold and unfriendly. Maybe Piccolo was right on the one hand but Gohan was only four. As Goku stood there, he felt that unforgiving voice chant again

What's wrong with me?

"Nothin'!" Goku shouted skyward. "There ain't nothin' wrong with you, Gohan! You were four! Four!"

He felt that wind shift and twist and blow. It became increasingly difficult to keep his feet planted. The imagery around him turned black and began to crumble, breaking apart piece by piece. Yet Piccolo stayed the prominent figure, appearing darker and more demon like as Goku waited.

"If you're still alive in six months, I'll teach you how to fight."

Goku's heart stopped.Piccolo you did not...tell me you did not...

"You can't just leave me alone out here! Please! What am I supposed to do?!"

"Sometimes life is cruel. And don't you forget it."

Then, just like that, Piccolo left, leaving a sobbing Gohan reaching out after him, pleading for him "don't leave me!" He tripped and stumbled and pleaded, screaming into the sky about 'what am I supposed to do? I dunno what to do!'

Like ice broken, the ground gave way and Goku fell deeper. Deeper into his son's memories, thoughts, dreams. Yet all he could think on was what he just saw.

Piccolo...left him.

Goku never thought such a thing. With the way Gohan nearly idolized Piccolo, the way Piccolo was so protective of him. The way they obviously loved one another (Gohan has referred to him as "kind of a green Uncle" on several occasions) even though Piccolo would never dare admit it. Goku had no doubt the Piccolo he knew now had nothing but his son's best interests at heart.

But hearing the heart numbing fear in his son's voice...

"Please! Please! Don't leave me!" well into the evening as his son cried for ANYONE to hear him...anyone to save him...anyone to comfort him.

Goku felt his eyes turn aqua and had Piccolo been there before him, the Saiyan father had no idea what he would have done.

Chapter 28

Chapter Text

"Daddy!"

Gohan didn't know why he bothered. After all, he knew if there was any chance of his father could answer or get to him, he would have already. Their separation was not for lack of trying on either individual's part. Yet, facts were the same. They were separated and he was alone.

It was a horrific and ghastly feeling. Gohan had learned a while ago that while battle produced all kinds of emotions—and not all of them exciting—there was no worse feeling than being utterly and completely alone. The prospect that you could simply die or be lost and no one but the animals would know was not an easy emotion to cope with. Maybe that was why he was so clingy to his father even if he wanted to be seen as mature and grown up and able to contribute.

The sea churned and rolled and Gohan took in a deep inhale as it pulled him under. This was his mind, his ki, his problem. Surely he could figure it out so that he and his father could leave and go home. And didn't he promise to bare his mind, to not put up any barriers, not try to fool himself?

Gohan didn't know what to delve into though. That was the hard part. He wanted to feel better about this baby, he wanted to feel better about his connection to his family but how did you do that? How did you stop emotion or understand emotion when you couldn't even pinpoint where it was coming from?

Gohan considered...his father had approached his distress with the battle against Cell with logic. It took some digging to get around the rationalizations that Gohan had created but ultimately, it had worked. Gohan was not fool enough to believe it was one and done—he'd likely have to remind himself several times until it finally clicked—but seeing for himself what that change in thought could do. It was encouraging.

That left him drifting still though. That was one victory. He needed to get to the root of this. How did one do that? Drift? Ask questions? Think on past experiences?

He was going to have to look at himself.

Closing his eyes, Gohan considered. He was a smart kid and he knew that when he'd found out about the baby, that he was going to be jealous. That was normal. He suspected almost every older sibling was jealous at least in some sense.

But for him...it felt like an attack. Like someone was invading what was only his and should only be his because if they got in deeper, his parents might like them better.

Okay, okay so that was jealousy. But it was...deeper than that. What if he was replaced because the new baby was better?

Better at what?

Everything

The trembling around him made Gohan shiver. But the voice was right. That was his fear. His deep fear. That no matter what he did, he would not match up to someone new. And why would he be able to?

If it wasn't for me, Tien would still be alive.

It hurts, doesn't it?!

Gohan yelped and out of reflex, covered his ears.

But Piccolo's reprimand was in his heart not his ears.

I just froze...

It hurts, doesn't it?

I'm not ready...

Just go home...

Gohan sank, clutching himself into a tight ball. It wasn't the deaths, the violence or any of that which clung to his consciousness. It was Piccolo's dismissal. It was him saying, without words, that he wasn't good enough. He wasn't doing what he was supposed to do.

He never was good enough.

Oh, look at that! A 90! All that studying paid off! But—

That dreaded word.

I know you can do better!

Better. Faster. It was always improvement. Do it better. Do it faster. Make it higher. Make it more impressive.

Better. Better.

Not good enough. Not good enough.

He could see her face. Mom. The way she would smile and her eyes would light up whenever his scores came back. Then how she would look at him.

This is wonderful but I know you can do even better! You just need less distractions! You're my smart boy!

He just wanted to be good enough. Why wasn't he ever good enough? Why wasn't a 90 good enough? Why wasn't trying in his first battle good enough..

The enemy won't give you breaks! The enemy will lie and cheat!

But...you're not the enemy Mr. Piccolo.

Those training days had been hard. Gohan had grown from it; he was grateful for it. But the way it was done...every time he thought he'd achieved something, every time he felt good about how he'd grown...

Well, at least you're not crying anymore.

Great. You can fly. Now learn to dodge and fight in the air.

Don't be a fool. Stop using your eyes. Do you see anyone else struggling?

Gohan wept. He'd buried those pieces of it because he genuinely did care for Piccolo and there were periods when that hard outer shell came down—he'd gotten better at over the years and Piccolo had grown softer. But it still hurt.

The best training he'd had with Piccolo had been the three years before the Androids. Gohan used to think it was because he'd learned Piccolo's training style and while maybe that was part of it, a much deeper piece was his father had been there to buffer the worst of it.

Not the physical hardship. That he had grown accustomed to. He could take a punch and a kick and come back for more. He did so. Frequently.

It was the words.

When he'd been literally crawling on his hands and knees, bleeding and bruised and Piccolo had left withNot strong enough. Not fast enough.

Daddy had always picked him up and nuzzled him like a puppy amid Piccolo's 'you're ruining my hard work with him!' And said "Wow! You did a lot better than yesterday, son!"

Daddy's praise never felt empty. If he hadn't done as well as he could have, he told him. But he also told him when he did do well and when he did improve.

Mom...was learning. Gohan tried to focus on that. She acknowledged that the way she hyper focused hadn't been the best and she was trying. Gohan loved her for that. He could tell it felt weird and awkward and that she had to keep reminding herself but she was trying.

But words already said still stuck.

Be better.

Be stronger.

Be faster.

On Namek, he'd no been strong enough. His power, his reaction time. How many died because if it?

Shoulda been stronger. Shoulda been faster.

When they'd had peace, for a time, when Daddy had been in space. He'd wanted to impress Mom, wanted to make her proud. He'd come just below the cut off mark for a cram school she wanted for him.

Not smart enough. Not good enough.

Everyone he loved. He was always failing them in one way or another though certainly not for lack of trying. But it was never enough. It was never enough.

It would never BE enough.

Mom was changing. Trying to.

Piccolo had tried to soften.

The battles had stopped...for now.

But facts were facts.

Not good enough.

Not strong enough.

Not smart enough.

Not fast enough.

Do better.

Be better.

Better or nothing.

Better or nothing.

Better or nothing.

"Perfect...or nothing."

Chapter 29

Chapter Text

The more Goku uncovered, the more his heart ached. He'd known that his son had endured a lot but seeing it play out before him, in no particular order, just made it worse. Just when he thought he'd seen it all, something else would pop up.

That looks like it hurts.

The world around Goku shifted and spun as it had become want to do in their realm. He saw his son, it must have been after Piccolo left him to fend for himself—clothed in a gi similar to his with a sword nearly as big as he was (really, Piccolo? He's four...) trying to figure out food and water and shelter.

And he came upon an injured long necked dinosaur. Goku had to admit, he found himself smiling with pride when his son's first inclination was to help the creature with a trick HE'D taught him.

That pride turned to horror when his son tried to take on carnivorous dinosaur with only a cursory notion of how to use that sword. All Gohan knew of swords was what they'd read in books or seen in movies.

But the landscape turned dark and heavy when Gohan had awoken to find only the bones of the friend he'd tried to save.

Failure was hard. It was always hard. But to be suddenly thrust into it without warning and without any support. Goku could only imagine what...

Not good enough.

Not strong enough.

Not fast enough.

If you were better, he'd be alive.

Goku wanted to strangle that voice. He wanted to cast it down and scream that his son was always good because he was always Gohan. And that was enough!

But he didn't have that kind of power here.

The world shimmered, twisted and cut like glass. Goku was almost afraid that he would get sliced open by the way the atmosphere just seemed to fall away like snow. He was never quite sure what he would find the deeper he went. Some memories were surface, some deeper.

He spared your life, twice!

He shouldn't have been so soft, should he? Which leads to the question of what to do with his son.

Goku covered his eyes as the colors around him became subtle shapes. Never quite solid and definitely more solidified than before. But they were jagged, like the edges were razors. The overall feeling he got from this was pain. Unimaginable pain.

Destroy him now so he doesn't destroy me one day?

Goku could faintly see Piccolo, Bulma, Namekians. But his son and Vegeta were the center focus of this memory. Gohan—with that odd silly bowl haircut that ChiChi insisted made him look dignified—and Vegeta when he was nothing but piss and vinegar.

And his son...so young. So much had happened since then but seeing him now, all Goku wanted to do was put himself better Vegeta and his son. There was so much anger in Gohan's face, so much frustration. The entire area seemed to scream of his intolerance of whatever Vegeta was talking about...

My dad'll be back, you watch!

Your dad is history, Kid!

Wait...was this what happened after he stayed to destroy Freeza on Namek? THIS is what happened? Bulma and Piccolo had neglected to ever tell him about this..

Then...as if spurred by a fire, Gohan sprung at Vegeta. He got a knee to the gut for his trouble but then he was right back up again.

Are you challenging me, Kid? I wouldn't recommend it. It's your call, go ahead.

Oh, Goku knew Vegeta was spiteful but that smirk he was carrying made the Saiyan sick to his stomach. But Gohan was all ChiChi's son right now: not backing down and full of of fire.

Made Goku swell with pride.

My dad'll take care of you. And he WILL be back!

Then, just like before, Gohan sprung forward. But this time, his reflexes were on point. Fists flying, ki up and no shortage of shouts. As expected though, Vegeta blocked every blow.

Until the one where he didn't and Gohan's lunch then kick sent the Saiyan Prince onto his back.

Maybe it was silly as these were memories—events that had already transpired—but Goku jumped up and down and squealed. "Woo hoo! Go, my Gohan!"

But things did not remain that way. Maybe Goku should have expected it but it still made him sick to see it. It was one thing in a battle but against a child. Goku could not imagine the callousness they took.

The relentless beating Vegeta laid on his son. First with the punches and kicks but then to grab the boy by the hair and just...

Punch after punch after punch.

And Gohan...his brave little Gohan just took it.

"Vegeta! Stop it! Stop it!" Goku shouted and screamed and even lunged at the younger visage of the Saiyan Prince, eyes green and hair gold and without any pity in his heart.

When Gohan wheezed and blood dripped from his face, Goku struck at Vegeta again. He passed through him again. Goku had been angry before.

Now, he was livid.

"Vegeta, stop it!" His voice was less verbiage and more growl. "I said stop it!"

Gohan hit the ground, nearly bounced from the impact. Goku dropped down beside him and cursed this place from preventing him from holding him. The bloody lips, the eyes that would turn black surely, the broken nose...Gohan was five!

Then, the entire landscape turned dark and heavy.

Pity. What a waste of talent.

"Waste of—Gohan stood up to you! Gohan made you bleed. You were right, you're afraid of what he might be. What he DID become! You have no room to talk, you arrogant bastard!"

Yelling was supposed to make him feel better but Goku felt nothing. All he felt was that all this happened while he was on Namek and he wasn't there. If he'd been there, Vegeta never would have laid a hand on his son.

Waste of talent. Waste of talent. Waste of talent.

It wasn't Vegeta's voice any longer. It was that loud, booming tone that permeated everything here. It didn't matter that Gohan had been five. It didn't matter that Vegeta had been fighting far longer than the boy had been alive.

Waste of talent. Faced with defending your father's honor. And you fail at that.

You always fail.

Goku screamed out to the void. "Gohan, you didn't fail at anything! You don't have to do something perfect for it to mean something. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect!"

The void seemed to swallow it.

I need you Dad.

Goku's heart ached. The desperation in that cry. It was full of pain, it was hurting and it was like fire to his spirit. How...how often had Gohan cried for him?

Daddy! Mommy!

Tempted to cover his ears, Goku made himself listen. He knew all too well that those shouts were of fear, pain, loss. How many times had Gohan called for him, called for ChiChi and they hadn't been able to answer?

The ground caved.

Goku blinked, looking around. This felt more...intimate. The more memories he went through, the more intense they got. He was sinking deeper into his son's psyche. Sinking deeper and deeper but he was starting to see the pattern.

Perfection. The need to do something perfectly or it was not worth anything. If Gohan failed at something, rather than take it as a lesson or a teaching moment, he processed it as utter defeat. As a reflection on himself. As if to do otherwise was unacceptable.

It made no logical sense to Goku at least at first but the more he thought about it—his son was faced with situations without support without help and told in no uncertain terms that to fail could mean death. He'd already been told that his best was not good enough even if it was "good." He'd already been told to always strive for better.

And then he saw death. In so many ways.

Could his brain interpret it any other way? Be perfect or die.

Survivalist at its finest. The brain once it was out of survival didn't just abandon what had kept it alive.

He—him, Gohan and ChiChi—they had to reorient it.

"Gohan!" He called again. "Can you hear me? I think I understand..."

The world shifted, twisted.

Goku hit his knees when the entire room suddenly felt like it was filled with lead. It was hard to breathe and every single one of his muscles burned. It was like...like...

Betrayal.

That was the only word he could think of. The only thing that described everything suddenly being against you and the deep, throbbing pain that he was certain was going to make his heart start bleeding.

I can't do it, Daddy...

What are you? A coward?!

It rained. Each drop burned like acid.

Goku grabbed at his chest. He'd...he'd said that. He'd said that to his scared five year old. To his barely more than a baby that had just seen so many people die.

He'd...said that.

He hadn't meant it. He'd never meant it. He wanted Gohan to get up because if he didn't, he was going to die. He'd said it to get Gohan to move. That was all he wanted. Gohan to move. Gohan to live.

But it had cut him this deep...

"I don't think you're a coward, Son. I never thought that. I..."

Goku crouched low. How did he fix this? He hadn't been able to interact with other memories. He hadn't...

How did he fix this? Start with the most basic thing he could do, he supposed.

Looking up, Goku declared, voice so loud it made his throat ache. "Gohan! I was wrong! And I'm sorry."

It felt like the rain became a wave, a smothering wave but then it broke, rising up into cliffs of roaring water on each side. It left a pathway of dark mud, spines and tendrils. Each one, Goku could hear or see those old memories. The ones that haunted and kept his son locked in this state of mind.

But just out of reach, at the other end of the path, he saw his son.

Gohan was retching, coughing up water that wasn't water. Shaking, trembling. What had he seen since they'd been separated? What had he faced?

"Gohan!"

Taking a running step forward, Goku yelped when he hit liquid hot barriers. Invisible. Solid. And when he hit it and fell back, his consciousness was flooded with so many emotions. Pain, fear, anger, loss, loneliness, doubt.

Sitting back up, with a solid shake of his head, Goku reached out again.

The same thing and the barrier did not budge. It did not even acknowledge his presence. This was not like the outside world. His physical strength carried no weight here.

He could still see his son, staring right at him. The small pathway had shrunk, the ever tossing waves forming a small tunnel of pouring rain through which one would have to crawl.

It hit Goku like a ton of bricks.

These were Gohan's perceived faults, his doubts, anger, sadness at himself over things he thought he had failed had. Things he thought was wrong with him.

He was going to have to face them and call them out for what they were. Lies. Distortions. Misinterpretations. Fight the false images his heart and brain had been feeding him.

But Goku couldn't get to Gohan to help him.

Gohan would have to come to him.

Chapter 30

Chapter Text

Falling.

Drifting.

No ground, no air, no nothing.

It felt so much simpler this way. He didn't have to worry about anything. He didn't have to prove anything. He didn't have to feel anything.

Well, that last one he wasn't so sure he liked. He didn't mind the thought of not feeling pain, sadness or sorrow anymore but not feeling anything meant he couldn't feel happy or excited or...loved.

The last one was practically calling him. He remembered that all too well and despite the pain he'd been through, that always seemed to balance it out. There was literally no feeling that compared to falling asleep on the couch with his head on Daddy's lap and Mom coming up with a warm blanket. Nothing compared to it.

Except maybe...no, not quite as good but there was something to be said for feeling accomplished. For reveling in achieving something that took blood, sweat and tears. Super Saiyan was that for him. For so long, it seemed an unachievable goal, something only his father or Vegeta could tackle. Then, amid so much pain and struggle, he'd done it. Felt that raw power course through his veins. Felt the ability to stop anyone trying to hurt those he cared about.

Then he'd made it his natural state.

Those days adjusting and getting used to it was hard. Harder than almost anything else he's done even beyond turning Super Saiyan the first time. The first few days, he'd even broken down crying at how utterly painful it was and how much of a strain it was. His father as always, just kept pushing, encouraging. It was a torturous amount of time—trying to train and eat and bathe all while keeping a form that vibrated with power.

But eventually like snapping a binding rope or finally crushing through a dam, they'd done it. Everything became so much easier. The power was HIS. He controlled IT, not the other way around. Maybe it was a small thing but he was so proud of that. He'd set out with a goal and he'd done it! He'd done it! They'd come in here with a goal to get better, stronger, faster and he'd done it!

What happened to your beautiful black hair?! Who gave you permission to dye it? My little boy's turned into a delinquent!

His heart had sunk and it sank now at the memory. Dad had said Mom night not have been happy but she'd said if they were gonna do it, they better get strong. They had. He had. So why was it that he never got recognition from her for it? Maybe it was silly but the fighter side of him was just as important as the academic side. He was proud to be known as smart but he was also proud to be known as strong.

Couldn't Mom say that at least once?

What are you, a coward? You're going to let them die for nothing? Is that what Piccolo taught you?

Gohan opened his eyes and gasped a deep sob into his throat. That was probably the worst thing ever said to him. He had tried so hard...fought so hard. But he'd been afraid. He'd tried so hard not to be afraid but...

His father had always been his strongest cheerleader. That was something that he had always clung to. No matter what. For nearly all his life, it had never failed him but this moment, this single moment amid his memories, it always felt like weight pulling him down, cutting and burning and oh, he had tried as hard as he could and he was sorry that he couldn't be braver. That he couldn't have been stronger. That...

"Gohan!"

Blinking, eyes open amid black, suffocating abyss, Gohan took a sharp inhale of surprise. The heavy water choked his lungs. That was Daddy though! And not the memory-Daddy but Daddy-Daddy.

"I was wrong! And I'm sorry!"

How he knew it related to that moment, that singular painful moment, Gohan wasn't sure. But he did know. And like water being released from a barrier, he flopped onto sudden solid ground, hacking a good portion of dark water in the process.

But solid ground. No drowning weight, no impossible pressure. Just a moment to breathe. He allowed it to cover him. A moment to just breathe and be.

Perhaps it was a small thing but that 'I'm sorry' and 'I was wrong,' carried more weight to it than anything else he had been forced to face here. The phrase that weighed down his heart, this feeling of failure—that he had even for a moment made his father ashamed—that simple little phrase:I'm sorry and I was wrong.

That memory no longer held power over him.

Maybe he put too much stock in what other people thought or said but when you grew up being pulled so many different directions—do this, do better, be this, no be this...how could anyone blame him? Most children found out who they were when they were little and he was still figuring it out. He grew up knowing that if he didn't want to get yelled at or reprimanded, he had to do better.

But maybe that didn't make it true?

It was an odd and frightening concept. Much as he hated the pressure from his mother, from Piccolo and from just life, he thought he understood it. He thought he could make it make sense.

Except it didn't anymore, did it?

Was that why this happened now? Because all these past things had been lingering and building and the new baby just called everything into focus no matter how much he tried to ignore it?

"Gohan!"

Shaking his head, the boy lifted it. The waters had shifted and swirled and now it looked like an endless wall of waves with a swirling tunnel carved from the middle. Just on the other side, he could see his father. Pounding on something Gohan could not see, calling to him. Gohan could hear him, at least faintly but Daddy couldn't get to him.

Moving to stand, Gohan made his way to the swirling tunnel. It felt cold, threatening and suffocating. There was a slimy residue covering the ground, kind of like when you found seaweed coating coral and rocks. The entrance seemed a lot smaller than it did a minute ago.

His father was still standing just on the other side. It was an odd look to see on his father's face—fear, anger, sadness but overall, just pure desperation. He wanted to break his way through and run to him but he couldn't.

Which meant it was up to Gohan.

He looked up and down, cautious then slowly reached out, letting his fingers penetrate the soft film that seemed to block the entryway. Before he could lose his nerve, he stepped inside, his feet crunching and nearly slipping under the wet foundation.

That feeling he always got when that inner voice would scream at him was sudden overwhelming. He sank to his knees and whimpered, covering his ears.

Better!

Do better!

Be faster!

Be smarter!

Be stronger!

Hurts doesn't it?

Go home. Go home.

My little boy's become a delinquent.

They died because you were a coward!

All at once. All so much. He didn't want to listen. He didn't want to hear it. Daddy has said that his death wasn't his fault so did that mean all of this wasn't either?

Better! Better! Do better!

"Gohan!"

He looked up through tears eyes and saw his father so close yet so far. He had stretched out his hand to him and was monitoring him forward.

"You can do it, little man. I know it sounds horrible but those voices ain't right. You've never had to be perfect."

What?

It was like a thunderclap. A sudden noise that silenced all else.

"I mean it, little man. Nobody's perfect. I never wanted you to be perfect. I know your mom and I made some mistakes but she and I only just wanted you to have the best chance. She loves you for being Gohan, not because of what you do." He added, "You being Gohan is all you have to be. I know these stupid voices are sayin' different but they're wrong. Just be my Gohan."

It felt like fire now, raining down on his back. It burnt and it made everything smell like smoke and blood. Yet he moved his hands forward. Standing felt out of his range of skill right now. So, he'd crawl.

Daddy said he didn't have to be perfect but...but...

Piccolo had been right. He was a coward. He'd frozen and Tien, Chiaotzu, Yamcha...his cowardice had cost them their lives. He should have...he could have...

Hey, take it easy on him, Piccolo.

A new voice. One that he had not forgotten but that had buried itself among the scolding and censures. One that, perhaps, lingered more brightly than even the failures he felt were on his heart.

I mean, given his age and all, I'd say it's a miracle he's even out here. I mean, if it were me, I'd have been long gone by now!

Looking upward, Gohan let out a low half sob and half sigh of relief.

"Krillin."

It had been Krillin that told him that. And before him now, so faint it looked like a ghost, was Krillin, repeating it again. Again and again and each time he did, the flaming heat and freezing cold hit Gohan a little less intensely.

Krillin hadn't said he had to be perfect. He'd said that what he'd done had been great. Worthy of praise. That he was proud to stand by his side. That he was good no matter the mistakes he'd made. That Yamcha, a close friend of Krillin,

I can't undo it. But I can say I'm sorry.

His mother had said that, only a few weeks ago. That apology had lingered in his heart. She was right. Moms and Dads made mistakes. Frequently even. Much as the things she had said or done before in the interest of what was best for him still hurt, that statement made them sting less. Because it reminded him that she knew better now. She wanted to do better now. Sure, the events of the padt

So...didn't it make sense then if his mother and father could make mistakes and errors...if they weren't perfect than surely, he didn't have to be?

But...that was so hard. So hard to do and remember and even now, with these memories rushing through his head, his heart ached. Would...would this really help? Could it? It seemed impossible.

"Gohan!"

Again, he looked up.

His father hadn't moved and was still gesturing to him. "C'mon, Son! Look at you go! Look how far you've come!"

Chancing a glance back, Gohan saw that despite having to do this in his hands and knees, he was a good ways in. He was moving forward. He was able to resist...

Your father's history, Kid.

Waste of talent.

Waste of my time.

You could do better.

Go home.

It hurts, doesn't it?

It hurts, doesn't it?

It hurts

Some part of him, deep in his heart, fought back. Fought against the accusations, fought against the distorted memories that he knew—knew—couldn't be all true.

After all, Daddy and Mom didn't lie and Krillin wouldn't have lied to his face...was this like his interpretation of the Cell battle? Untruths that his mind has clung to?

Krillin believed he was good as he was. Mom might still have some work to do but she didn't want him to link his worth to how well he did. She loved him, he knew it. And Daddy...

I want you to do the best that you can and no matter what, I'll always be proud of you.

It was like there was an explosion. The walls of water exploded outward, scattering old memories—distorted memories—in any direction and Gohan was left sitting there, crouched down as the remains of the tunnel rained down around him.

That time in the Time Chamber.

As hard as it was, as trying on his body as it was, Gohan held those many, many days in such high regard. He remembered falling to his knees, exhausted only to be told about how the passion in his efforts that day were encouraging.

To be told that him lasting longer than yesterday was "the real victory" even though he would hit Super Saiyan for several more weeks.

He remembered his father listening, intensely, as Gohan asked and blabbed about ki and what could they truly do with ki outside of battle and how he'd love to explore that when it was peaceful again.

How he used to sit on the end of his father's bed, feigning that he was cold when he really only wanted the closeness, and would fall asleep against his father's chest to the MSN's stories if his trips around the world and about how they'd take one themselves one day and see what Gohan thought.

You fail at everything! You're never good enough! You'll never be good enough!

Gohan pushed back against that voice and shouted as he made his way to his feet, "No! No, I don't fail everything. I'm good enough."

It felt wrong. Like, he was telling a lie or sneaking out against rules. He felt a little sick to his stomach in actuality. Saying it aloud made his legs quiver.

"Yes!"

Gohan looked up again and his father was all smiles. "Yes! You tell them, little man. You're enough. Cause you're Gohan. That's all you hafta be!"

Gohan took a few more steps towards his father, knees still quivering and now, he stopped, panting. The fractured pieces of water around him were moving, swirling and instead of reforming into walls of thundering water, he saw the mangled forms of Yamcha and Tien. He saw a monstrous form of his mother and father. He saw twisted and darker versions of Cell, Freeza and Raditz.

Too weak

Too clumsy

Cowardly

Failure

Your fault, your fault, your fault!

Gohan inhaled and locked eyes with his father. The man had moved to sit on his knees and was gently urging the boy on, gently. "Just because they say it, little man, doesn't make it true."

Gohan wanted to believe it. But it felt so overwhelming, all these old memories. Did he really believe he wasn't at fault? He didn't know honestly. It was all so much and he WANTED to believe it but...but he'd only just managed to figure out the battle with Cell. It wasn't so easy as saying "oh, well, I just won't believe that anymore." Your mind didn't just give up thoughts that easily.

But this idea—that he didn't need to be perfect—that felt achievable. That felt more truth than lie for the first time in a long time. Not full force but...more than it had before.

The hissing of the forms surrounding him suddenly felt hot. The feeling that happened when ki was being gathered for attack. It felt that the fire that had rained on his back.

You let us die!

Yamcha. Or this twisted form of Yamcha. Twisting his already burned and decaying arms only to launch a ball of intensity at him.

But it never hit him.

Gohan blinked, surprised, and gaped at the ghostly visage of Krillin. And once again, he heard that comforting tone: "I think it's a miracle he's even here...I would have been long gone!" Then another, warm and welcoming. "Chin up, little buddy."

Another step forward and this time, the image of Krillin walked with him. Yamcha or Image Yamcha's attacks did not penetrate Krillin. And with each attack, Gohan heard his friend again "Wow, you're a lot stronger than you look!" and "Little buddy, you got this."

Step forward again. A step closer.

No! I will not! You're not going to end up in a gang like your father! You're going to get an education and be worth more than just muscle! Do you hear me?!

Gohan winced and withdrew. Yes, yes. Study, get smarter, be better. Be better. Be smarter. Be...

"I never wanted anything but you to be the best you could be. I had...some wrong ideas on how to tell you that, Gohan."

Opening his eyes, he saw, just like with Krillin, a shadowy version of his mother. Solid by his side and countering each shout of the twisted version of his mother with one of her own. Words Gohan recalled from the several talks they had engaged in over the past few months.

"I only wanted you to have the best chance to be everything you could be. But I never stopped to ask WHAT that was. I...am still learning, Gohan. But I want you to know right now, that I love you. I love you so much. And forgive me for ever, even for a second, making you think that was something you had to earn."

This shadowy version of his mother caught the twisted version as she approached, martial arts stance solid. She didn't come any closer to him and Gohan kept walking.

These memories...these thoughts...these were the ones he needed to give power to. He needed them to be at the forefront, helping him. Helping him walk this gauntlet. He swallowed and reached out, his fingers touching a light film that just separated him from his father.

Goku looked right back him, eyes warm. He knelt, so they looked eye to him. And the Saiyan repeated the words that had shattered the tunnel of doubt.

"And no matter what, I'll always be proud of you."

Gohan swallowed, tears in his eyes. He pushed against the light film and he spoke out—to his father, to his own dark thoughts ultimately to himself:

"I...just have to be the best I can. It's not...perfect or nothing. It's...do the best that you can."

The world around them began to crack, the foundations of inflexibility challenged. Gohan spoke again, louder, fiercer.

"I...I just have to be the best I can be."

The film in front of him began to melt, drip like frozen snow giving way to spring.

"I don't...have to be perfect."

Then with a leap, he was wrapped up in his father's arm and he sobbed, as fiercely as if he had been reborn. Because, in a sense, he had.

"I don't have to be perfect."

His father's chin laid into his hair. "Nope. Just Gohan. That's special enough."

Gohan just repeated, sobbing and laughing all the same. As if a huge weight had fallen from his back and shattered around his feet. There was still pain, still trials to be overcome.

But he could breathe.

"I don't have to be perfect."

Chapter 31

Chapter Text

ChiChi stood silently over the many different pamphlets and brochures. She'd separated them into different piles—the 'no way', the 'maybe' and the 'please, please please!' She and Gohan had briefly discussed them though not to the extent that she'd wanted.

In a swift movement, she swept her hand over them all, sending them into the nearby trash can before sitting, rather suddenly in the nearby chair and resting her head onto her left hand. The baby inside her squirmed a little bit and she allowed a half smile at the reminder, resting her other hand on the rounded belly.

The soft pad of feet made her look up and the soft glow of the few lamps they'd left on made Goku's face shine. It would have been romantic in under any other circumstance. As it was, it only served to illuminate his exhaustion.

He flopped down next to her in the empty chair, though still offered her one of his warm, slow smiles. He did not give those very often and usually they were directed at her. Usually, this would have filled her with giddiness but not today.

"Is he asleep?"

Goku nodded. "Out like a light. Can't say I blame him. Korin's little ki exploration would knock anybody out." He added, almost apologetically, "Sorry, I shoulda told you but I thought if we could get to the bottom of things then—"

ChiChi looked down at her fingernails, tapping the table and shook her head, "Don't be sorry, Goku. If I'd have thought we coulda found an answer right then, I dunno if I'd have thought to call you either." She looked up at her husband, eyes damp. "Did...did I really do so much damage to him?"

Goku reached out, took her hands. "I tol' ya the truth, Chi. Yeah...all the pushin' and studyin' and wantin' him to do better...ya just went about it wrong. I know you were tryin' to make his future all bright and make sure he was happy. And Gohan knows it too!"

"Goku, you told me that my own words were weighing him down! A twisted version of ME was attacking him!" She shuddered. While she was grateful for Goku for telling her, it had cut her deep. The concept of her son being afraid...truly afraid...of her like that...

Goku's fingers reached up and gently brushed her hair aside. "And it was also a version of you that protected him, Chi."

She stared at him. "What?"

"When he was makin' his way towards me. It was the you that said you were sorry and that you loved him. That ChiChi came right on in and ooo, that ChiChi wasn't budging!" He meant what he said. "Gohan knows you're tryin' to fix old things you used to do."

She nodded. "I never knew it had grown that bad." She looked at the packets of paper in the trash. "I only wanted to give him the best chance he could have. I thought gettin' an education would do that and havin' the best marks would do that." She squeezed her husband's hands. "I shoulda taken your advice, Goku and just focused on lovin' him."

Goku shook his head. "Chi. You do love him and Gohan knows it. And you're showin' him how much you love him because you're fixin' this. You decidin' to fix this was a big ol' part in helping Gohan come out better. He knows now. And you showing him that it's okay to be wrong and to fix it...YOU helped him do that."

ChiChi felt a bit comforted by that. "Thank you. I'm glad I..." she shook her head. No, she was not going to focus on herself right now. "So...feeling like he has to be perfect? That's what was the root of all this?"

Goku nodded, letting his hands fall flat. "Yeah, seems like it. Now, Gohan knows that he don't have to but I know from talking with that therapy lady that thoughts don't change overnight. But now Gohan knows how to know it when he sees it."

ChiChi nodded. "So...what can we do?"

Goku frowned. "I wanna take him to see the therapy lady. I know she can't deal with the battles and stuff that he's seen but the building his self esteem and working on this idea of having to be perfect. Maybe she can give us some ideas if nothin' else."

ChiChi was agreeable to that. It was unlikely that her son could do a full therapy session—not given their lifestyle—but getting any ideas that they might be able to work with—well, then that's what they would do! "Would he be open to it?"

Goku nodded, "I think so. Might ask me to go with him but that's okay. If it'll help him, I don't got no problem with that."

ChiChi just nodded, still looking at her hands. She knew it did no good to linger but if they wanted Gohan to be honest then didn't that start with them? With her and Goku?

"You know, I was considering lightening up on the studies...maybe letting him follow you and learn if he wanted when you all went to Master Roshi's that day."

Goku eyed her, baffled but he didn't interrupt her.

"I saw how much you wanted to share it with him and even if he was still my anxious little boy, I'd hafta to be blind not to see how he idolized you." A low smile took her face. "He'd come to me when you were out and show me what he'd seen you doing." She bit her lower lip. "I shoulda let you two bond more..."

Goku eyed her, seriousness in his eyes. "ChiChi. What is it?"

She ground her hands into tight fists. "I was gonna tell ya when you came home that you could maybe start showin' him some things. I'd finally tol' myself that she was wrong."

By now, Goku's eyes were tinting light green. "Who? That who was wrong?"

ChiChi met his eyes. She never could resist him when he became this passionate. It was one of the things she loved about him. "Remember when we went lookin' for the Bansho Fan when Papa's castle caught fire? When you were goin' to get snow from Mount Frappe, I stayed with Grandma Hakkake. She tol' me that she was going to tell me how to be a good wife."

Goku blinked. "Ya didn't need anyone to tell you that, Chi!"

"Well, I didn't know what I was gettin' into!" She protested. "I didn't have a Mama to show me. And she was makin' sense—said that if I was a good cook and kept the house clean that it'd make you happy."

"Chi—"

"And she tol' me that if I thought I was gonna be able to still be the same then I was wrong. She said that if I wanted my family to be safe, happy then cookin', cleanin' and studyin' for our kids was what I'd have to do because the world don't respect martial arts anymore."

Goku took her hands again, sat on his knees on the ground, "ChiChi..."

"I thought that...that maybe she was wrong. After all, it'd been four years and nothin' was happening. Maybe I could relax some, huh? Especially now that Gohan wasn't a baby anymore...But then...the day I wanted to...to loosen up, to be more like I used to be—you died and Piccolo took Gohan. And all I could think was—the spirits or the world or whatever makes all these things happen had heard my thoughts. And were punishin' me for not listening."

"Aw, Chi!" Goku shook his head. "It didn't have nothing to do with that."

Tears fell from her eyes. "What was I 'posed to think, Goku? You were gone, I had no idea where our little boy was and then...there was Namek and that damned Freeza..." she ground her teeth. "I hadda blame something! Blame someone! Anyone! There hadda be something I could do to keep it from happenin' again!" She grasped her hair, tightly at the temples, shaking. "You know what it feels like to be helpless? To hafta sit and watch everyone you love rushin' into danger and know that you can't do nothin' to stop it. I couldn't do...anything. So...if Grandma Hakkake was right—I had somethin' I could do to stop it! It was stupid and made no sense but it was...something..." She shook her head. "Guess Gohan ain't the only one that learned to live in a lie."

Goku gently tilted her chin up. "Chi...it wasn't your fault."

The woman sniffed, rubbed her eyes and an odd smile returned to her. "I...I know that now. And I know that Grandma Hakkake can't have been right. Being a good wife and mother means my family loves themselves. My job's to help them do that. And I wasn't doing that. "

"ChiChi, you—"

"Not the best way I could, anyway." She rubbed her face. "But...but now I know. Now you know. Now, Gohan knows. And this little one will know too." She took a breath and that fiery spirit burned in her face. "I made mistakes and I gotta fix them."

Goku swallowed. "ChiChi, why didn't you tell me that she tol' you this stuff? I woulda tol' you that the way you were is the best wife ever."

She laughed, with true emotion. "I'm sure you would have, Goku. If I knew then what I know now..."

Goku softened his look and lay one of his kisses on her lips. "Me too." He grinned at her even though his heart ached. His son and his wife had been fed all these lies and he'd somehow missed it. His job was to protect them and he couldn't help feeling he'd failed at it. "But, we know now."

She nodded, rested her forehead on his. "We do."

They stayed that way for a time, just silently relishing in one another. For ChiChi, it felt like the weight she'd been carrying for a decade was gone. But Goku had walked with her, carrying it with her, unknowingly, all because he loved her.

She cursed Hakkake. Deeply. Passionately. As she had herself several times and how her son had been doing for years.

But this was changing. It all was changing.

"Why don't you talk to Gohan tomorrow? Take a picnic out with him?" Goku's gentle baritone soothed her ear. "I know you both probably need some time together."

She raised a brow. "He'll want you here too."

"Oh, I'll be here later. Maybe I'll catch something yummy for us for lunch." He beamed and stood back up.

"What about the mornin'?"

Setting a dark gaze outside in the direction of Mount Frappe, his voice was cold. "I got some people to talk to."

Chapter 32

Chapter Text

"Mom, are you okay?"

ChiChi laughed, lightly and despite everything, she really felt it. In spite of everything, she truly felt it. Her son, despite dealing with so much in his life, still cared enough to ask about her well being. Knowing what kind of form her words had taken on for him, it touched her heart all the more.

"I'm fine, sweetie. I'm glad we get this time together." She carried the rolled up blanket and her son had the baskets layered on his shoulders. It reminded her of how Goku would carry things and her smile grew all the more because of it. She used to keep such things to herself, felt that it would turn Gohan's head the wrong way—that he wouldn't strive to be better. But with everything Goku told her...was it really so bad if her son wanted to make a living off the land? Or as a martial artist? What Grandma Hakkake had told her wasn't true. And even if it was...their family wasn't like other families.

And she was coming to terms with the fact that such a thing was not only okay but something to be celebrated. In all the world, no one else was like her Goku or her Gohan. Her smile grew at such a prospect. Too much time spent fantasizing over what they weren't that she nearly missed what they were.

She was lucky to have them.

"Gohan, I'm so proud of you."

The boy turned, stared at her. There was utter shock in his eyes and that cut her heart. Had she truly been so selective with her praise? She'd never bothered to think about it. Had taken too much to heart that she shouldn't have.

Well, no more of that!

"I know I haven't been good about telling you." She went in before he could answer. "I've been trying to do better but you need to know that I am proud of you. Not just because of school or things like that. You're strong Gohan, in so many ways. You remind me so much of your father."

Oh, those bright eyes all but outshone the sun. "Really, you think so Mom?"

Walking a bit faster to catch up with him, she nodded. "I've always seen it. I should have told you before how proud I am at what you've done. Cause I have been." She sighed and eyed him. "Remember when I said that I had some false ideas in my head that I was trying to get rid of? It's all from that and I'm so sorry, Gohan."

The boy considered this. "Dad tol' you about what happened at Korin's." It was a statement, not a question.

ChiChi nodded as they reached their destination—that old apple tree. Spreading out the blanket, one she had patched up herself, ChiChi set herself down though slower than normal and Gohan flopped down beside her.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I never meant for anything but you having the best chance you could have. To do better than me and your father could." She reached out, stroked his hair. "I believed some old wives' tale about what I should do, how I should act, how a family should look."

Gohan eyed her. "You said you learned to cook from an old woman in the woods, can't remember her name though."

ChiChi smiled. "You've such a good memory. I can't have told you about that too much."

"You didn't but I always liked hearing it. 'Bout you and Daddy going to get the Bansho Fan to save Grandpa and his castle."

ChiChi huffed a bit but with a giggle "And my wedding dress."

Gohan grinned. "Yep. Daddy said that was real important to you."

She nodded, "It was. Lost my own mother before I could remember her so it was all I had of her." She leaned back against the tree. "Maybe that was why I thought I had to take Grandma Hakkake at her word. I didn't have a mother so..." she shook her head. "Don't matter much now. No matter why I did it, I did it."

She shifted, eyed her son. "I needa change that. You and Goku are my family. We're not like anybody else and that's okay." She felt odd saying it but she knew more than ever that this was what she needed to do. Her family was the best thing that ever happened to her and it was time they knew that! She gently laid her hands on Gohan's cheeks. "Do that Super whatever your father taught you."

Gohan eyed her. "You sure?"

She nodded. "Yes. I've always just shouted about it and that's not fair." She took a breath. "Lemme see it with my mind not all muddled and without my mind already made up."

Gohan paused, a moment more and truthfully, ChiChi couldn't blame him. After all, how many other times had she wept or screamed. She'd never stopped to consider what it meant. Okay, maybe others might think it was representative of something else...rebellion or whatever but she knew her Gohan better than that!

"Go on. You and your dad worked so hard for it."And all I could think about was you breaking dishes...

There was a slight further delay but then Gohan closed his eyes, focused and as he reopened them, she saw those dark irises glitter and sparkle before a cool blueness rushed in, spreading like a wave to overtake the black until a color unlike anything ChiChi laid eyes on before gazed back at her. There was power, intensity, battle hardened readiness but she also saw her little boy that rushed to protect the smallest animal and now held the ability to do it.

Then there was the hair. It was subtle at first then they rose into peaked spikes and that golden color started at the base, then swirled up and over and through, dotting each hair until it shone like the sun. It reminded her of a painting, subtle but swift and the resulting light warmed her face.

"Did you make that more thematic for me?" She raised a brow as her son's cheeks turned red.

"Maybe a little?" He offered. "Daddy and I experimented a lot in the Room of Spirit and Time. Once I learned to go Super Saiyan, I wanted to see what else I could do with it."

Exploration, curiosity, ingenuity. All things that she'd always admired in her son but never tried to see outside of books. "Well, color me impressed, Gohan." Her eyes were soft. "I bet there's a lot you can do that would just blow me away."

Gohan eyed her and took a bite of the many array of foods spread before him. "But neither Daddy or I can cook. You know what it's like eating Daddy's cooking for a year?"

Despite herself, ChiChi laughed. "Oh, my poor boy. Your father is many things and given a campfire he can do miracles but the kitchen is not his forte."

Gohan smiled. "Maybe you can reach me that."

ChiChi nodded with a smile of her own. She'd seen her son's lack of understanding in the kitchen. But that didn't mean he couldn't try and that didn't mean that she would not love to teach him. "Let's say we start tonight with dinner, hmm? You can help me."

Beaming at her, Gohan shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth and the two of them spent some time simply enjoying the fresh fruits, meats and breads that ChiChi had brought.

After a few moments, she eyed her son. "You know, Gohan, looks like I forgot something."

He paused, noodles half to his mouth. "Huh? Forgot what, Mom?"

She gestured to their spread. "Rice, noodles, vegetables...no fish. It's a crime to have all this and no fish!" She laid back again, hand on her stomach. "Now who do I know that could fix THAT?"

Catching on right away, Gohan leapt to his feet. "Lake's not far Mom! I'll bring back plenty of fish!" All energy, he rose to the air. "You want the big tuna?"

She smiled, glad more than anything to see such happiness and pride on his face. She knew all too well that there would be times it would fade and they'd need to fix that. But this was a start. He had many skills. It was high time she praised them! "You're the wilderness expert. You pick."

Taking off like a shot, Gohan called, "Be back soon, Mom!"

As he disappeared and she heard the telltale sound of splashing water, she took a deep inhale. There was a niceness to this that she'd not felt in a long time. No pressure to be what a family should be but rather to just...be.

To be her. To be Gohan. To be Goku. And whatever this little boy in her belly would be. Yes, she could still feel the draw to be what the stories, what people, what society said they should be but she found, focusing on how happy Gohan looked made it all the easier to push that voice aside.

What of her and Goku then? Oh. Her life had been lovely in their times of peace but now, she had time to ponder—all those times that she had been full of frustration and rage. So sure that she was right and not wanting to hear anything different.

When they'd first gotten married and they'd come to Mount Paouz—Goku had built up the tiny house by hand. Much like he had now. She remembered their early days. When she'd first found out she was pregnant, they'd both been thrilled and she remembered taking off with Goku on Nimbus, seeking out the Dragon balls. Their goal has been the four star ball, an heirloom to give to Gohan.

It wouldn't be long before they could seek them out again. Gohan deserved to have his heirloom back.

And perhaps they could give another to this child. Much as the dragon balls caused commotion and mayhem, they had also brought Goku into her life. He was so honest, so vibrant, so full of life.

When had she turned a blind eye to it?

Was she too old to find herself again? To find the self she had been before? She was a cook and a mother and a wife but was she still her? The her that seemed so distant yet as if she was calling to her?

"Mom! Mom!"

She looked up, a wide smile to her face as Gohan reappeared, dragging two large fish with him. They flopped on the ground a bit until he slammed his fist sharply into one, making it go still.

Goku had done that on their voyage around the world, so happy that he could cook for her for once. The grin he carried then was mirrored in her son now.

"I can fix them up, Mom. If you don't mind them roasted."

Warmth in her voice, she handed him a knife. "That's my favorite way."

She meant that too. Much as she had learned how to boil, fry, fillet and dozens of other ways to prepare a fish, nothing compared to Goku or Gohan making it for her. Cooking, she'd found, was as much about the process as the end result. She found herself all smiles as her son fussed about, setting the fish on large spits and set the timbre and kindling ablaze for a small fire.

"Gohan?" She asked as he reached a pause.

He turned, glanced at her, "Yeah, Mom?"

"It...it makes me so happy to see you so happy. To see you just being you." She stood and walked over to him, held him close. "I know there was so much we couldn't control but I could have controlled me—"

"Mom." Gohan interrupted her. "I know you did what you thought was best. You and Daddy always do. You made mistakes and you're fixing them. I won't say it doesn't still hurt and that I won't needs fix some things I used to believe but..." he paused, willingly considered a moment, "But I forgive you."

ChiChi wept, tears falling like rain and she buried her face in his hair. Maybe the baby was making her more emotional but to hear that after all the damage..."You put me to shame, Gohan."

"Shouldn't." Gohan argued. "You had all mixed up thoughts too. You're gonna struggle to fix them too but we'll do it together, I know it! You, me, Daddy...we can do it."

She hugged him tighter. "We can. We will." She pulled away. "I lost myself a long time ago I think. When we had those moments of peace...that ol' ChiChi that made a pledge to your father—she came out, a bit. She's still there."

Gohan grinned, "Course she is, Mom. In that ki based place...it was layers. Layers and layers of memory and thought and feelings. But the real me is still there. Still here." He put a hand to his chest. "So I just needa urge him out. I...it's scary. I mean, I'm excited. I want to...when I said...when I said...I don't have to be perfect...it was like seeing myself for the first time. Scary but...amazing." He shook his head. "You and Daddy'll help me and me and Daddy will help you."

ChiChi nuzzled him a bit until he squirmed to get away. "Thank you, Gohan. We will. We're a tough bunch. I know we will. Just wish I knew where to start sometimes."

Gohan eyed her, considered his answer. "Well, what were you like when you and Daddy got married?"

"What was I like?" What a question. It brought back so many memories. "Naive. But happy. So ready to just take on the world and see what it had to offer. Not sure of what I wanted or what we wanted but wanting to figure it out together. Explore. Be wild." She paused.

Gohan grinned, eyes wide no doubt picturing as best he could such a figure. He cut off large chunks of the fish, passing it to her as he sat down with a plate of his own. Swallowing, he asked, "Be wild?"

ChiChi took a bite, savored the taste before slipping amid her memories. She'd given up those ways, thought she had to. Thought it had to be that way. Had bound her hair and hardened her heart and readied herself to be the best she could be. The best wife, the best mother. Nothing but the best—

She stopped, mid ponder. Her hand shook a bit, trembled and shoveled more into her mouth to try and stay the thought. But it would not leave. It echoed, thundered at her, as loud and relentless as the roar of the beasts that plowed through Mount Paouz.

To keep her family happy and safe, she had to be the best wife. The best mother. Nothing but the best.

Nothing but the best.

And what did that sound like?

Perfect or nothing.

An odd feeling rushed through her. Not rage, not anger per say but a sense of importance. A sense of determination and absoluteness. She set her plate down and stood, looking down at her son.

"We explored. We traveled around the world, Goku showed me all over the mountain. He showed me where the secret spots were, introduced me to the animals that knew him inside out. I showed him where I grew up. We went up and up north, as far as we could manage and half froze to death. We found the dragon balls, sought out the four star, the three and six star." She spun on her heel. "We -lived.-" Tears ran as she felt that joy, that sense of freedom, of feeling like nothing was impossible because it was her and Goku. Whatever the world wanted didn't matter. "Kami offered his position to Goku, offered to make us God and Goddess."

Gohan's eyes were alive and he stood, pushing their plates together. "No! He did?!"

"He did. But Goku said no. Said trainin' there had been boring enough. Said his home was here." She smiled, eyes all aglow. "And he was right."

Hovering upward, Gohan reached over and hugged her tight. "Daddy's always been smarter than people think. I think he made the right call."

"He sure did."

Gohan looked up at her. "You said you wanted to capture that feeling again, Mom. Find yourself again." He cupped his mouth. "Nimbus!"

After a moment, the loyal yellow cloud appeared and Gohan flopped onto it. Patting the space next to him, he said, "Daddy'll find us real easy when he's ready. But maybe we needa go find you again, Mom. You and Daddy went north. How 'bout we go South?"

ChiChi stood there, silent a moment, hands on her stomach.

Gohan moved to his knees. "I'll protect you, Mom. I...nothing will hurt you or little...brother." That was said with some hesitation. But then, as if reminding himself, Gohan sat up. "I promise." That was said with more assurance. "C'mon, Mom. Whatta you think?"

ChiChi placed one hand on the cloud, doubting. How could she ride it anymore? After what she'd done? Confused as she was? Scared as she was but she'd still—

Gohan gently grasped her arm and pulled. She collapsed onto the cloud and sank before bouncing back up. The fluffy cloud almost seemed to purr, as if happy to see her again.

Gohan grinned. "I've always wanted to explore with you, Mom. Daddy and I do it all the time. What do you say?"

After a moment of drowning in the joy in his face, ChiChi reached up and tore her tie loose, letting her black hair fall loose around and past her shoulders. Pointing south, she commanded, "Go, Nimbus!"

And in a flurry of speed that took the breath from her lungs, they left the mountain behind them.

They laughed together.

Chapter 33

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

It was a loud bang.
More like a clap of thunder than anything else, but a strong clap of thunder. When the storm was close enough that you could taste it in your mouth. For sensitive ears, as his were, it produced a ringing that passed from ear to jaw to teeth.
Piccolo wasn't focused on that.
He was focused on getting to his feet, spitting out a little blood and setting his eyes on what had managed to get close enough without him realizing it. Especially since his rejoining with Kami, he was significantly more aware than before.
But that didn't stop him from colliding face first into the dirt and having the wind knocked out of him by the sharp blow to his back. It wasn't a lethal blow but rather one designed to garner attention. It had certainly done that!
Turning as he rose to his feet, attack at ready, he was nearly blinded by the sudden golden light flooding his face. It took a moment before he recognized Goku, hair brightly shining with the gold of Super Saiyan.
But it was the eyes that alerted Piccolo.
Dark blue, nearly azure, cold and calculated, a look Piccolo could not remember ever seeing in the Saiyan's eyes. Not against Freeza, not against the Androids, not against Cell or Vegeta. It was a darkness that he had never seen Goku's eyes take.

Well, that wasn't entirely true…
The only thing that came close was the glance he had caught when Goku faced off against Raditz. He had been close enough to hear but too far away to truly get a good look. But he suspected, by the tone in Goku's voice, he would have seen something similar to this kind of fire.
"Goku?" He kept his tone as monotone as he could but he was fairly certain that a hint of unease slipped into it. Plus, no holds barred, he was angry. He didn't mind a spar and he certainly was one to appreciate making him feel on his toes but this was different. "What the hell was THAT about?"
"He was four, Piccolo."
Goku's eyes were narrowed, focused. There was energy to his aura that bordered on electric. He was also slowly pacing towards the Namekian, in steady, slow steps that made Piccolo exceptionally uncomfortable. He did not feel like an ally right now and the Namkian was rather astounded how much that bothered him.

"Goku, what are you talking about?"

"Gohan." Goku's voice rumbled. "He was four, Piccolo."

After a moment, the Namekian finally connected with the purpose of this visit as well as the utter rage that was bubbling under Goku's skin. He barely had time to comment though before another blow was flying at his face. As Piccolo shifted to the side, dodged, he found the mere force and ki from Goku's blow cut into his skin, letting a thin line of blood flow loose.

Goku spun around, struck again and this time, he was not holding back. His raw speed and the power he had harnessed in the Time Chamber came out full force and while it was not at Gohan's utterly ridiculous levels, it was enough to make Piccolo realize that as strong as he was, he had a long way to go.

Goku dominated him and it was quite clear that this was no spar.

"He was four, Piccolo! Four! What the HELL were you thinking?!"

Piccolo finally got a reprieve when Goku stopped his blows long enough for him to gather his breath. Apparently, as angry as Goku was, he also wanted answered and he could hardly get those if he pounded Piccolo within an inch of his life. The concept did not offer the Namek much reassurance but he still met the man with a dark and solid look.

"We didn't have the time, Goku. You were dead and there was a power inside your son that I had to bring out. If I didn't—"

"And why did that involve abandoning him!?" Goku's face was nearly red and the golden of the Super Saiyan aura gave him the appearance of an oncoming forest fire—flickering, warm and a silent doom creeping towards you. Piccolo would not have been surprised if he were burned by it. Goku's face suddenly being so close he could feel his breath on his face took way more surprise out of him than he was comfortable with. "Abandoning him? Leaving him to fend for himself? Letting him cry and scream for help? Piccolo, he was a baby!"

"Goku, he couldn't afford to be anymore!" Piccolo met Goku's intensity with his own. "Whether you like it or not! The Saiyans were coming. And your boy had power! Power beyond what you or I or anyone had! I _had_ to bring it out. And that meant your boy couldn't be a baby anymore."

"He should never have been anywhere near that battle!" Goku's fist was caught in Piccolo's hand and his anger came in the sound of roars in his voice. "He should have gone home to his mother! He was a child, not a soldier! You had no right turnin' him into one! You had no right teachin' him how cruel the world was. You HAD NO RIGHT!" Goku spat his next words out like they tasted bad. "We had him out of diapers for a YEAR when you stole him, Piccolo. That's it! You had no right! You. Had. No. Right."

Goku's fist connected three, then four times with Piccolo's face, his leg delivered a blow to the Namek's side and followed it up with a ki blast that Piccolo just barely deflected. His speed would have sparked both envy and respect from the Namekian on any other day.

Today, it sparked fear.

Recovering as best as he could, Piccolo countered with a blow of his own. "And how long were you planning to keep him in that bubble? How long—"

"As long as I could!" Goku charged. "As long as he could remain a child! He should have been worrying about monsters under his bed, not 'bout real monsters tryin' to kill him!" Blow, kick, punch, ki, "He shoulda been curled up in ChiChi's lap, waitin' for me to come home."

Piccolo threw a blow and snarled. "There was no time for that! Gohan was VITAL in that battle—"

"BECAUSE YOU MADE HIM BE!" Goku was all screams now. "YOU MADE HIM VITAL. YOU HAD NO RIGHT! HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO SEE THAT! TOO YOUNG TO HAFTA DEAL WITH THAT!" Goku threw a punch, then another and another and before long Piccolo could not even track them with his ki. He could felt them when they hit. "YOU HAD NO RIGHT!"

It seemed to last forever before Piccolo managed to put an arm up to stop the next blow. "You're getting angry at me for making him a key player in my plan? That's rich. What about Cell?!"

Oh, Goku's face was blood red now, his eyes ablaze. "I made a mistake with that. I shoulda told Gohan. I shoulda trained him more. I shoulda prepared him more." He admitted that. He was not innocent but… "But my mistake doesn't make yours okay!"

"So what's the difference between you and me—"

"I'M HIS FATHER!"

The next blow sent Piccolo into the mountain cliffs behind him and far faster than he should have been able to move, Goku was there, right in front of him. "You had no right. ChiChi didn't okay it. Neither did I. You had no right. By the time Cell came along, Gohan was old enough to know when he wanted to help but he was four. Piccolo, he couldn't tie his shoes, take a bath on his own. None of that. He couldn't consent." Goku rarely found himself using that kind of vocabulary but he'd learned a lot over the years—and the counselor-lady used that a lot too—and he could not think another word that fit. "He couldn't say yes. All that pain you put him through, how scared he was…"

Piccolo narrowed his eyes. "Yet he survived and he's stronger for it."

"You say that like it's an excuse. It's not. Gohan survived in SPITE of what you did. Not because of it." He snarled, eyes rabid. "You treated him like a soldier, like he was supposed to know all these things and you left bruises and cuts and all kinds of things on him for it! That's not how training works. It didn't have to be that way!" Goku grabbed Piccolo's left hand, Saiyan fangs oddly prominent. "How 'bout I take a finger for every mark you left on him? Seems 'bout as fair as what you did." The fact that this was not fair at all was not lost on either party.

Goku considered, even tightened his grip, let his fingers grow just hot enough with ki that Piccolo considered that he might be serious. He'd not seen this type of power from him before, he supposed he had every right to suspect this might change too. "You taught him about fighting to survive, you made everything about surviving. You ignored what he needed. That's not what a good master does, Piccolo!"

The Namek had to admit that a piece of him felt guilt over that. He certainly was not the same person he had been back then and he had learned how Gohan learned. What worked and what didn't and Goku was right on one thing. Gohan was so eager to please that you didn't need to be as harsh as he had been. But he'd not known that and look where they were now…

"It wasn't supposed to be like that! He was supposed to learn about martial arts as something fun, something special!"

Goku's next blow just missed Piccolo's head and given the trembling of his arm, it was evident, that was purposeful. He'd missed on purpose. So close that the rock shards cut the Namekian's cheek. Piccolo finally let his nerves relax when Goku's hair faded to black and panting, head hung low, the Saiyan sank to his knees.

"Martial arts was my thing, Piccolo." His voice had lost all its anger, all its fervor. "Grandpa poured a love for it into me and all I wanted was to pass that onto my son. To let him learn from me about what made it so special, what made it so important and why it meant so much." Looking up at Piccolo with eyes that the Namekian could only describe as the most heartbroken he'd ever seen, "You took that away from me."

Piccolo considered a lot of different responses. None of them felt right. So, he kept silent instead.

After what felt like forever, Goku stood. "You're not the same person you were then. I know you aren't. I know that you'd give your life for my son."

"I would. I have." Piccolo didn't say anything beyond that. It didn't seem right to.

"I know. But…what you did to him then…" Goku swallowed. "I trust you, Piccolo. Somehow, we became something like friends over the years. But I don't think I can forgive you."

That was hit to Piccolo's heart that he never thought he would feel, least of all from Goku. After all, they were allies but when had they become friends?

Gradually, it seemed. Over the years. Because hearing those words now, from Goku, hurt him. Deeply. It cut. After everything, after how they worked together in all those battles, after the risks he took for Goku, he was going to stand there …

But, he could also not argue his reasoning. Much as Piccolo still maintained that he had done what was right, would he have done it the same now? He couldn't lie to himself and say yes. Would he still have been harsh? Still have been hard? Yes. But as he was back then? Probably not. He admitted that the thought of someone doing to Gohan what he did to him, even knowing how strong Gohan was, made his heart tight.

And he wasn't the boy's father.

"That's your right." Piccolo remarked. "But you ought to know this, Goku. I…didn't leave Gohan. Not…entirely."

Goku eyed him, suspiciously and Piccolo felt color flood his face. "I…wanted to. I tried to. But I kept checking back on him. I gave him a sword, clothing. Food…occasionally. So, yes, I left him to fend for himself but not completely alone."

Goku took in this new information with a stoic face. "Why? If you were going to watch over him, why leave him?" He pouted, "That did more damage than anything else you know."

Scoffing, turning his head, Piccolo remarked, "Your kid did something to me. I still don't know how he did it. I didn't want to look at that. It was easier when I wanted to kill you." He scowled, deeper. "So I kept away as long as I could. Your son ran back to me."

Blinking, Goku asked, "Huh?"

"He figured out how to get off that island. He ran all the way back here, back to your wife. But he didn't run to her. He turned and ran to me, said he needed to fight."

Goku, oddly enough, was not as surprised as he might have been. "Gohan has always been about helping others. If he thought you could help him do that…" Shaking his head, the Saiyan remarked. "He never should have been in that position though. He never should have HAD to decide that." He didn't know if what he said before…about not forgiving Piccolo…was false or not. He felt, deeply, that despite Piccolo's intentions, he had done so much damage, hurt his son so much even if he meant to do good…how could he forgive that? Goku had forgiven so much before but this…this felt beyond even what his heart could do. At least right now, with Gohan's tears and pain still ringing in his ears.

All the same, he appreciated the honesty. Taking this at face value, Goku eyed the Namek. "I…appreciate what you did, Piccolo. But I hate how you did it. And I hate that you decided to do it and yes, if I'd been alive, Gohan would never have entered that battle."

"You are too soft on him."

"Maybe. But that's my choice to make, not yours." Goku stood, eyed him. "Like I said, Piccolo. I trust you. I still consider you a friend, because you're different than you used to be and because you mean something to Gohan. Right now, I don't know if I can forgive you. Maybe one day. But you took something precious from me…you hurt the most important thing to me—I don't care what your intentions were, you still hurt him and I'm having to help him piece himself back together—I don't know if I'm ready for that."

Piccolo simply nodded.

"I won't say you can't train him. You're a good teacher to him now and I have to deal with that. I've seen it. You've got talent and I'd be lyin' to say that you didn't teach him a lot. But you don't train him without me there."

Piccolo eyed him, "You think you have to play chaperon now?"

"No. I CHOOSE to. For now. Maybe for a short time, maybe forever but Gohan's my son, not yours. If I choose to be there, then I need to be there." Warmth, though filtered through a bit of cold frost coated Goku's eyes. He looked at Piccolo differently than he had a day ago and he suspected that now, he would forever see him different. It ached and he was sad it had to be so but knowing what Piccolo did…he could not stop the father in him from hissing and spitting at the memory. But, Piccolo WAS different and he was changing and he was, more or less, a good person now. And Gohan, his sweet Gohan, did love the man so. So…what to do?

Goku extended his hand nonetheless. "I may not forgive you but you're important to my Gohan. That makes you important to me." He considered "And maybe we can get back what weird friendship we had before all this one day. I don't know. But for my Gohan, I can try."

Piccolo wasn't sure of such an arrangement; it would certainly complicate things. All the same though, seeing Goku no longer looking at him with eyes full of fire and ash eased the pain in him that was not caused by the Saiyan's punches.

He took the hand clasp. "Good enough."

Notes:

I have a feeling some people may not like Goku's "I don't know if I can forgive you" bit but for me, I think if there is anything that would be hard for him to forgive, it's this. Just because someone has changed, doesn't mean you have to forgive them. But maybe Goku will one day...

Chapter 34

Chapter Text

"It's not as bad as it looks."

Goku turned, gave Bulma a sheepish smile. "You know he didn't mean to, right?"

The human woman shook her head. "Goku, he's practically my nephew. Boy doesn't have a mean bone in his body. I know he didn't. Gohan was in a panic. So he ran. Didn't matter that there were walls in the way."

Goku looked over the path. Yes, Gohan had ran. It had been pure adrenaline pumped panic. He'd only just been trying to get away. The fact that Bulma's wall had been in his path was irrelevant. So, as a result, there were crumbling pieces of stone, wood and glass where he'd plowed from the party room. If what Gohan had told him was accurate—and he had no reason to think it wasn't—his son had slipped into a simply blindness of emotion.

"Sorry about that, Bulma."

The human woman made a dismissive move with her hand. "Eh, don't worry about it. Been wanting an excuse to add in some more skylights and windows anyway." She grinned. "They bring in the glass tomorrow!" She paused, asked, "How is he doing?"

"Better." Goku admitted. "Korin helped us uncover a lot of stuff. Lots to unpack. We're gonna go see that therapist again, see if she has any ideas." The Saiyan pouted. "Not fair, Bulma. My kiddo really needs to talk to someone but no one would understand."

Bulma gave him a cool smile. "I know. But we'll just have to do the best we can. You know I'll help how I can." Shaking her head, she said, "I about strangled my mother."

Goku smiled, despite himself. "Glad you didn't. Wish we could have done it an easier way but it made us make progress." At her silent inquiry, he said, "Gohan needs to learn to stop being a perfectionist. Makes him judge himself way too hard and I think because of that, he was doing way too much comparin' between him and the baby. He's still has a lot to deal with but...we're workin' on it."

Bulma shook her head. "He's always carried way too much on his shoulders. Sorry it had to come to light like that but at least it has."

Goku gave her a nod. Her support as a friend had always been important so seeing her smile at what they were doing made him even more convinced it was the right thing.

She looked him up and down. "What happened to you, by the way? Sparring?"

Looking down at his torn clothes, dirty face and bloody body, he gave a low laugh. His spat with Piccolo had done a number on him. "Eh, nothing major. Just settling some things." He turned serious. "Where's Vegeta?"

Bulma gestured over her shoulder. "Same place he always is, that damned gravity room. Surprised that Trunks still recognizes him. Why?"

"Nothing. Just need to talk."

She gave him a skeptical look. She knew Goku well enough and it was rare to see that kind of emotion in his eyes. It was nearly alive, sparkling like lightning. Having a child now herself, she knew the emergence of a Papa Wolf when she saw it. "Well, don't let me stop you. But Hose off first. I don't need you dripping blood through my house."

OOO

"Look, Mom!"

ChiChi turned her head, following her son's gaze. It settled on large icebergs, reflecting blue and white amid the sunlight. The landscape was full of chilly air and her breath came out in puffs.

But the company was wonderful.

Putting her hands on his shoulders, she smiled, "Wow. Look at that."

"Icebergs are bigger down here than up North." He remarked. "Even the scientists don't really know why."

ChiChi eyed him, smiling at his enthusiasm. Her Gohan would explore the whole world if she'd let him. She remembered Goku talking about taking him on a trip around the world, following Goku's old training path. She could only imagine the things he would point out. Maybe they could still do that, once the baby was big enough.

"Why do you think it is?" She asked to his wild curiosity.

Gohan grinned at her, "Not sure. I'd have to explore it to find out!"

ChiChi considered, caught her breath when the child inside her gave a kick. "Well, why don't you?"

Gohan stared at her, "Huh?"

"We're here, ain't we?" She eased the cloud down closer to the icy presence. "I know you can use that ki to stay warm. So...go look around."

Gohan blinked at her before bursting into a grin. "Really?"

"Why not? That curiosity of yours has always been your driving point. So, embrace it a little." She smiled at him. "I made the mistake of thinkin' that only school books could teach you but that's been proven all kinds of wrong. And...you're happy doing this. You've shown me that you can take care of yourself so...go on."

With that, Gohan kept into the air, caught himself with his ki and all but plowed deeper into the icy world below. He took pause a moment though, turned around, "Mom! Tell Nimbus to take you with me! It's like those little exploration books you used to read me, remember?"

Her face warmed in memory, despite the icy weather. Oh, she did remember that. The three of them at night, after everyone's bellies were full and after Gohan had taken his bath (usually with Goku getting just as wet as he did) they would huddle before the fire. Gohan would always request a minimum of three stories, with one to be reserved for when he was actually in the bed. Some would be Goku's tales of his adventures but Gohan would also ask for her to read to him from simple stories of the world and the brave explorers that first ventured there.

"I remember. Did we have one about the Southern Ice Lands?"

Gohan nodded, vibrantly. "We did, Mom! They said they were mostly unexplored but there was supposed to be a red river in here somewhere." He gave her that smile again, asking, "C'mon!"

She considered. The prospect of becoming the very explorer that her toddler son had held in such high regard made her giddy at heart. But delving deep into frozen caverns was a bit of a tight squeeze even for nimble Nimbus. "Not sure Nimbus and I can fit."

Gohan hovered close to her and offered her his hand. After a moment, she accepted and when she stepped off that cloud, her son held her tight even as she threw her arms around his neck.

"You used to carry me all over the place, Mom. My turn."

Her heart warmed. How had she and Goku been blessed with such a boy? And now with a second one? The anxiety fled after a moment, even with her feet swaying in the air. Her son wouldn't drop her. Of that, she had no doubt. She trusted him.

"Alright, Gohan, let's go find that Red River."

OOO

The door opening behind him triggered the immediate shut off of all the additional gravity. The Saiyan Prince's frustration came out in a low growl. "Woman, I said not to bother me!"

The blow to his face as he turned around effectively made him see stars and crash backward into the control panel. It was not what he'd been expecting, that much was certain but he also recognized the blow. Definitely NOT the Woman.

"Kakarot."

He didn't get the opportunity to say anything else before Goku's fist collided with his stomach before he even had a chance to rise to his feet. Both blood and shock came out in his cough. Fighting he knew by heart but this approach felt alien for compassionate Kakarot.

"What's the matter, Vegeta?" There was a different tone to Goku's voice. Cold, dark, unyielding. "You seem to get a kick out of beating on those weaker than you. Taking it should be just as easy."

Ooo, that forced Vegeta up, hair already golden. "Don't you...are you proclaiming that you're stronger than me?! Did that fight against Cell show you nothing?"

He charged and Goku waited. He waited until a split second before Vegeta would collide then phased out, Instant Transmission placing him directly behind the Saiyan Prince, allowing him to land a sharp blow to the back of his skull.

"Yeah, that battle showed me lots." Goku waited for Vegeta to whirl about to face him—he didn't have to wait long—before stating, with absolute authority "I'm a LOT stronger than you." Despite himself, Goku let a dark grin take his face. "And Gohan is a lot stronger than ME."

Oh, Vegeta's distaste was practically tangible. The way he launched himself right back into the fight told Goku all he needed to know. All the same though, Goku's distain was just as visible and the way he refused to pull his punches was proof of it.

"Did it make you feel better? Beating on a kid?" Goku's tried and failed to keep the anger from his voice. "Without me around to take your frustrations out on, you figured my son was the better choice?"

"Your brat was—"

Goku stopped his words with a punch, took a kick for his trouble and doubled around again. "My boy was six. Scared and confused and having just faced down the monster that killed our race. When he knew he had no chance of winning. You can't say as much."

Vegeta snarled, his eyes green. "Don't you preach to me about Freeza!"

" Fine." Goku dodged again but took an uppercut for the trouble, launching himself a bit higher in the air and drew up identical blasts in each hand as he let his hair turn gold. "I'll not worry 'bout him."

In a flash, utilizing instant transmission without the telltale symbol of his fingers to his forehead, Goku rematerialized at Vegeta's back. Letting both blasts loose at near point blank range, ignoring the shouts of pain, Goku shot upward and delivered a kick to the Saitan's skull.

Vegeta might have strength and skill but Goku had variety. Much as the Saoyan's fighting was to be respected, Goku held no respect for him right now so taking advantage of him having all but memorized Vegeta's moves felt natural.

"I'll worry 'bout the fact you felt the need to pound on my son for no damn good reason. It wasn't a fight, it wasn't a battle. He called you out and you wanted to pound on him for it!"

Vegeta's voice came out stressed and pressured. "The brat made the mistake of challenging me..."

A fist to the gut and a kick to the knee enough to push the kneecap off sent him down. He popped the bone back with a grunt but Goku was already coming back at him again.

A fierce ki blast erupted from the Prince's hands but the way Goku all but danced around it was infuriating. He was NOT this far behind him! He could not be! Rage powered another jolt forward and yes, he grinned when it collided directly with the other Saiyan's face.

Goku's tone came with conviction. "He challenged you because you felt like talkin' down about someone that couldn't even defend themselves cause they ain't there was a good idea."

"Kakarot, if you're expecting me to coddle your son—" A blast took some of the side hairs from Goku's head. "You're more a fool than I thought."

Goku's face appeared as if from nowhere with how fast he moved and a good head butt took Vegeta's breath away.

"No. In fact, I don't want you near my son." He narrowed his eyes, the green tint to them making him appear to nearly hum with power.

Vegeta scoffed, spat towards the ground. "You will ruin what power he has. A true Saiyan is born from blood, sweat and tears." His sudden strike took Goku off guard, sending him colliding against the wall, the wind cut from his lungs. "Raditz perhaps had the right idea."

Fire was born in Goku's eyes. "I'm a Saiyan but I'm more earthling than Saiyan. So's my son. So I don't care what you think. But I'm makin' something really clear to you. I wasn't there then. I'm here now. So I'll make it simple—Don't touch my son." He leapt back and Vegeta recognized the hand motions before the words.

"Ka...me..."

Vegeta took on his own stance. "All this for a brat..."

"Ha...me..."

Vegeta readied his own blast, pouring ki into the building attack when Goku again vanished from sight, a fist suddenly came upwards from the ground, breaking his gathered energy apart and then two feet plowed right at him—

"HA!"

The familiar blast, rather than generating from Goku's hands erupted when the Saiyan's feet made contact with Vegeta's chin. Since when could you fire a kame wave from your feet?!

Goku's fist grasping Vegeta by the hair and slamming him face down felt oddly familiar. After all, he HAD held the brat by the hair during their confrontation after Namek. Vegeta was wise enough to know that such a thing was not merely coincidence.

How had it come to this? He was a Saiyan Prince! Yet, he'd failed against a enemy that held his own cells—failed to surpass his rival—been utterly stomped by his rival's half breed son—failed to protect his own son—

Spitting up blood, weary and spent, Vegeta turned, glared at the Saiyan behind him. "If you're so full of anger, why don't you be a Saiyan and finish me off. I can smell the desire in you."

Goku stood there, stoic. "I came here to tell you to stay away from my son. Not to kill you." Vegeta was right in a sense though. Even standing where he was, looking down at Vegeta, bleeding and broken, all Goku could see was his little boy, crying, bleeding, broken. All Gohan wanted was his father home.

Goku closed his eyes. He'd only stayed away as long as he had to learn to control his Super Saiyan form. Instant Transmission had been a perk but not the reason. But hearing Gohan cry for him in those memories, it had broken his heart in two.

Snapping his eyes open, he set his sights on Vegeta. "If Trunks grows up without a father in his life, it won't be because of me."

Fingers to his forehead and he was gone.

OOO

"It looks like..." Gohan considered saying blood but no. No point bringing in that kind of comparison. "It's like strawberries."

ChiChi despite herself, chuckled, nudged her son lightly. "Gohan. If you think it looks like blood, it looks like blood. Your Mom isn't an idiot."

Blushing, Gohan laughed "Sorry...yeah, it does."

After much exploration and using his ki several times to warm both of them up, they'd discovered the red river. It wasn't inside the ice per say but rather a small peak so it looked a bit like a volcano.

"I bet it's rust."

ChiChi looked to her son. "Rust?"

"Well, iron." He floated a bit closer and let the color flood their faces. Seeing it up close was amazing. It used to be just a story but now he and his mom were here. It wasn't just seeing the place—it getting to see it with her and watching her face lit up too. "I mean...except lava which would melt it, what else could turn it red like that?" He sniffed. "And it's got that acidic smell that blood does."

ChiChi considered, taking a whiff of the air herself. She got a wee bit of the scent her son was referring to but she felt a bit lost. "Well, you did get your father's nose." She lowered her eyes then allowed a smile "So...it wasn't the taste of pickled vegetables you hated them, was it?"

Gohan wrinkled his nose. "Not really. It's the smell. Daddy said he just got used to the smell."

The human woman shook her head, "Sometimes, I forget the kind of hearing and smell you have. Though that makes your cooking more of a mystery."

The boy scowled though with warmth to his eyes. "Just cause I can identify what something smells like doesn't mean I can re-create it. I can draw an air car but I promise I can't build one."

Laughing a bit, ChiChi squeezed him a bit tighter "Well, we'll have to see if I can at least get you to cook better than your father."

As if on cue, the air next to them suddenly displaced and Goku popped into view.

ChiChi yelped in surprise, "Goku! I swear, useful as that is, I hate it!"

Gohan just shifted a bit, well used to being surprised.

Goku screeched and immediately raised his ki. "Ayie! Cold! Cold! What are you two doin' here?" Even as he spoke, he reached out and Gohan passed his mother over to his father who settled her in a bridal carry.

Gohan hovered a bit, "Mom and I were talkin' and decided we should do some exploring.' Like you two used to do."

ChiChi looked up and gently tweaked Goku's nose. "Gohan was reminding me of how we used to be and maybe I could stand to reclaim some of that. A visit here seemed to be a good starting part. The Blood River was true, see?" She gestured to the natural formation beneath them.

Goku eyed her and he grinned, a wide grin. There was a joy in her eyes that he had not seen in years and it did his heart good to see it again. Leave it to his Gohan to convince her to loosen up and really explore what who she was, in full.

Looking up at his son, he reached out and Gohan immediately clung to Goku like a monkey. "Glad you two were havin' fun."

"Did you finish at Bulma's?" ChiChi eyed him, "Looks like you got caught up sparrin'!" She gave him a good up and down, "Your clothes look like they're gonna fall right off ya!"

"Not 'xactly, Chi." He promised. "I'll tell ya later. But…" he pouted. "You all said you'd save me some of your picnic."

With laughter in her eyes, she remarked, "Goku, look at the sky. Look at ya watch, it's long past time for lunch." She looked to Gohan, "But maybe if we head home, everyone gets cleaned up…why don't we all cook together tonight?"

Goku and Gohan eyed each other. The kitchen was usually ChiChi's domain, one that they rarely tried to invade. "You sure, Chi?" Goku inquired gently. "I mean, that's usually your…"

Shaking her head, she said, "No more. It's as much your kitchen as mine. I may know a lotta stuff 'bout cooking but you two got your own talents too. And if there's anything that these last few days have taught me is that we're only gonna get better together. So, let's start now."

Chapter 35

Chapter Text

"Is that...roasted vegetables, Mom?"

ChiChi made her way to the table, a big grin on her face even as she laid one hand on her belly subconsciously. It seemed to round a grow a bit more each day and now that Gohan had stopped feeling threatened by it, her cheeriness was much more apparent.

"It is. As I recall, you told me you liked those more than pickled, didn't you?"

Gohan smiled, brightly as he took his place at the table, eyes shimmering. "I did."

"Well, we've been trying to listen more, aren't we?"

Goku gave her a smile of his own. "Yep! Seems to be workin' so far!"

Sitting down herself, the family of three gave a short 'thank you for the food' to ChiChi, the mountain and others, then dove in. The variety had only grown since ChiChi had invited them to join her in the kitchen and while the majority of the cooking still fell to her hand, the interconnection was deeply improved.

"How's...the baby, Mom?" Gohan asked between bites. He still could not say he excited about the prospect but curiosity was beginning to win out and he took that as a good thing. "I mean...can you tell?"

His mother finished her bite and set down her drink. "Sort of. He's an active little thing." She rubbed her stomach. "You can feel him kick if you want, Gohan-"

"No." He said it firmly and so suddenly. After a moment's pause, he amended. "I mean...not yet, Mom."

Goku reached over and ruffled his son's hair. "Suit yourself. Feels really neat though."

Shaking his head violently, Gohan remarked, "Maybe later. Do you get a picture of him or something? An ultrasound?"

ChiChi nodded, smiling again at her son's understanding. "We do. I have an appointment next week. Did you want to come?"

Gohan paused, tapped his fingers on the table. The prospect of the baby was getting easier to handle but he didn't know if seeing it move around...well, he just didn't feel ready for that. Maybe it was silly but he didn't. Processing the baby coming, processing his brother was coming...it was complicated and it was easier for him to tackle it a piece at a time.

"Can...I just see the ultrasound this time? And...maybe go next time?" Gradual steps. That was what he needed to do. Might have seemed silly to some people but he figured small steps were better than no steps.

Was that enough? "Is that okay? Or—"

ChiChi reached across the table and gently clasped his hand, "Sweetie, if that's what you're comfortable with, that's what we'll do. I'm glad you're showing you're interested!"

The boy managed a smile, reminding himself, once again, that being perfect and pleasing everyone was not the goal. It was so tedious at times! He kept falling back to it and having to remind himself that wasn't accurate.

"I'm trying to be. Still not sure about a lot of things but I'm trying." He meant that. "I think it's getting easier though."

Goku swallowed a handful of chopped fruits. "Ain't nothing going on up here" he gently tapped his son's forehead, "that you needa talk about?"

Shaking his head, Gohan remarked. "No. I still hafta remind myself that I don't have to be perfect or that I don't have to please everyone but it's getting better, I think." He bit his lip. He should have left off 'I think' but there was still a nugget of uncertainty that he could not shake.

"It'll take a bit." Goku plunged forward. "Do you remember havin' any bad dreams last night?"

Gotham shook his head. He was actually surprised by that. He should have been, or so he thought. It was a rather unusual question to ask though. "Uh uh. Why?"

ChiChi answered. "You woke up last night, screaming. But when we ran in there, you were just sitting upright. Almost seemed like you weren't awake so we were just wondering."

Blinking, Gohan felt his skin turn hot. "Oh. I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry, Son." Goku gently clapped his shoulder. "We're just makin' sure, okay?"

Gohan nodded, thought back. "I don't really remember a lot of my dreams last night. There weren't even weird ones."

And just like that, a smile and laughter amid the warm smells and sweet clattering. Breakfast talk gave way to discussion on plans for the day, a time for training, a time for studying and maybe even some night time walks through the mountain. It had been a long time since they'd done that and it was deeply missed.

By the time Gohan went into the washroom to get dressed—get studying out of the way first!—he'd all but forgotten about the question about last night. Scrubbing off was always minimal in the morning—just enough to get the grime of night sweats off—especially if he s d Daddy were going to train later, but it was as he was stripping to rinse off that he felt it.

An odd sensation, centered in his stomach and tingling. Not painful but similar to when he dug into his Super Saiyan form though not nearly as intense. It felt more mild but yet familiar at the same time. Maybe something like this happened last night and that's what made him cry out...?

Turning about, grabbing his towel, Gohan paused in mid step at the familiar brown curled appendage slinking around his legs. It had been a long time...almost six years now but...

"My tail...grew back?"

When? How? Why?

Yet, a part of him was glad. His tail had always been a source of pride for him, a reminder that he held his father's blood—ever since he'd learned his father had one as a kid.

Well, maybe this was one perk to be glad of.

OOO

"He's doing better, I think."

Goku nodded as he pushed himself up in another thumbed push up as ChiChi cleaned. He'd offered but ChiChi made it clear that washing dishes was still not something she felt he or Gohan could manage.

Well, he wasn't going to argue.

"I think so." Goku stopped, sat up and stretched. "But it's not fixed yet. I wanna talk to that therapist lady again. She gave me some good ideas."

"You're sure there's no way he can't just talk to her? Like session-talk?" ChiChi turned, wiped her hands on her apron, leaning against the stove. "I mean, that's really what he needs."

Sighing, Goku agreed. "I know, Chi. But I dunno how deep she'll dig. I mean, how much will it help Gohan if he's so worried about saying the wrong thing?" He knew as much as ChiChi that a real therapist was what their son truly needed but how did you talk about Androids and monsters and your father dying and...well, Gohan would be too worried to really get much out of it!

Heaving a deep sigh, she nodded. "I wish people had paid more attention when we were kids, Goku. If the world knew about King Piccolo , the Saiyans coming...it wouldn't be this so hard." Her eyes were wet. "I want him to get better and we don't have enough to help him like deserves!"

Standing to his feet, Goku approached and hugged her tight. "I know. But we'll just do the best we can, 'Kay? This lady is pretty nice. Maybe she'll be able to coach us on our own—"

"Mom? Daddy?"

The two turned and Gohan slinked into the room, just in his boxers, hair still wet. He was clutching a familiar furry limb in one hand. Yet there was a low warmth in his eyes.

"...it grew back."

Goku blinked "Well, how about that!" He caught the mild joy in Gohan's eyes. They used to talk about it and Gohan had confessed, a few times, that he wished it had grown back. And now it had! "Missed it, didn't ya?"

ChiChi put her hands to her mouth. How long had it been? And why now? What if the therapist withdrew because of that tail? Goku looked human and so did her son but—

"How is he supposed to get the therapist to help him now?! He would have looked human befo—" ChiChi caught herself. Yes, yes, this might make things difficult but look how much Gohan loved his tail.

And the Saiyan half of him was part of her son. What other people thought didn't matter! She HAD to stop worrying about that!

Oh, his eyes, "Gohan, I'm sorry. I didn't.,"

But the boy was running, swiftly, down the hall, for his room. Despite her size, ChiChi followed, "Gohan! Please, I didn't mean..."

"Too much! Too much!"

The door shut firm and hard.

"Gohan?"

"No!" The boy covered his ears. He felt a fool for it, not to mention feeling much younger than he was and add a good feeling of ungrateful on top of it.

But mainly anxious. Like he felt nothing but nervous energy coursing through his blood. It was a struggle to stay in base and he couldn't take anything else. He tried to do breathing, like Dad had showed him that one time but it wasn't helping at all! It had helped last time, why not now?

"Gohan!"

Oh, she sounded so worried and remorseful and Gohan felt even worse for knowing that him not answering her was making it worse. Her feeling bad over that slip (and he was fighting the same thing; he KNEW it was slip) ...HE was to blame for it. His fault.

But he couldn't focus on that right now. He couldn't. He couldn't!

Too much, too much, too much!

It was an odd choice but Gohan slinked until he passed under the bottom of his bed and there, he re-covered his ears, shut his eyes tight. The darkness was comforting. The silence was comforting. Just close everything else out.

"Gohan."

That wasn't Mom. That was Dad. But Gohan couldn't move. No. He needed to stay here until everything stopped feeling like it was going to suffocate him. Much as he wouldn't mind his father's presence right now.

"Gohan. I know it feels like you can't handle anything right now. So, if you wanna stay under there, that's okay. I'll just sit here in case you wanna talk. That okay?"

Much as he didn't want to think about anything, just let everything go blank and black, please, please, please—it did not seem right to not respond.

So he twapped his tail once.

That tail. That damn tail. That was what started this whole mess! But...but he wanted his tail back. Had for a long time. Maybe it was stupid but with everything else right now, it felt like a perk, like something special for just him.

But look what it had done...

Everything was fine. He and his parents were getting along, they were spending nights together and he thought, for a time, that he was doing okay. That he could use the exercises that he knew, maybe go with Dad to see about a few more to help...given their limitation on talking in depth with someone...and then they'd move on with their lives.

But what Mom had said out there—he knew she didn't mean it, knew she regretted it. Even now, he could faintly hear her crying, saying "I'm sorry!"

Didn't matter though. Gohan heard it and that got his mind whirling. He tried to refocus, to remember what Mom had said wasn't true—she was even apologizing for it—but it was like a snowball effect. All those inner thoughts that he thought had died away had risen to a concert. Too hard to focus, too hard to try calm down.

So here he was, under his bed and that was where he remained.

Now, with no noise, just quiet, it was getting a little easier to make the inner thoughts be quiet. He could counter them with what he and Daddy had been trying and with what he'd experienced at Korin's. It was slow moving but effective. So, slowly, one by one, he countered those nasty untruths.

Now though, there was a new player in the game—

Talk to someone? If you say the wrong thing, they'll think you're crazy. They'll take you away from your parents. And your brother? Him too. And it'll be because of you...

Sure, let's just push our problems onto someone else.

Talk to—

We need you to talk to us.

Yes. Yes. Building up, containing...that solved nothing!

Gohan stuck his tail out from under the bed and just beat it twice on the floor. Almost immediately, he felt his father's touch and it helped soothe some of the shouting.

"Daddy." He finally said. "I don't want anyone to make me leave you and Mom. Or take my baby brother when he's born."

Goku's warm baritone resounded, "Gohan, no one is going to make you leave."

Sliding himself out, slowly, a light coating of dust on his nose, he sat up. "If they hear half of what I've seen, they'll think I'm crazy. And they'll think you and Mom are being bad parents but you're not and no one will understand unless they've lived through what we did!" He rubbed his nose. "But the world just wants to forget that stuff and..." he grabbed his ears so tight they turned red. "Thought I was doing better!"

Goku's hand gently brushed his hair back. "You are, son. But doing better doesn't mean these kinda things stop. Just means they get less intense and happen less."

Gohan considered. "Did I yell at Mom?" He didn't remember doing that but..

"No." Goku shook his head. "You were trying to listen to her, I saw it in your face but then you musta felt all overwhelmed because you started shoutin' 'bout it being 'too much' and ran in here."

Gohan looked up at his father. "It did. I thought all those thoughts were going away but...guess I'm still broken."

Goku tilted his chin up. "Not broken, son. Just need a little help. Nothing wrong with that."

Pouting, Gohan remarked "Lots of good that does when no one can offer it to you."

Goku shook his head. "We'll figure it out. Come with me tomorrow, son and we'll see what this lady can offer us. I've been talking to her and she's given me some pointers. But you should talk to her. Maybe we can't talk like I wish we could but if she can give us some tips, well, we'll make that work."

Gohan nodded, though unconvinced.

Goku's hand gently fell into his son's hair. "Hey, look at me, little man."

Having never been able to resist that name, Gohan did so and the warm confidence that gazed down at him soothed the low key panic in his heart.

"You're my son. I promise, we're gonna help you learn to work through this, no matter what we have to do. Do you trust me?"

There it was. That one question that only ever had one answer. "'Course I do."

"Good. So trust me on this, okay? If I hafta go search the galaxy to find someone that can help you, I will. You're doing better. You've got a ways to go but don't you ever think of this..."he gestured to the scattering of books and other items in Gohan's anxious dash under the bed "As a failure. A setback? Sure. But not a failure."

Gohan accepted the offered embrace and when ChiChi made her way in, he leaned into her too.

Chapter 36

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

It looked nice enough. A simple brick building with some flowers out front and a long path that led to the entrance. People scurried by on their way to the grocery story next door or across the street to the pastry shop which smelled so...so...good.

"Can we get a pastry afterwards?" Gohan asked it cautiously, still clinging to his father's jeans as if they were walking into an unknown dimension full of monsters and demons and maintaining close contact with family was of the utmost importance.

ChiChi, dressed in a green cheongsam with her hair left loose (a look she was beginning to use more and more) lay a hand on her son's shoulder and gave Goku a smile, "I think we could manage that, don't you think, Goku?"

The Saiyan grinned. "I think it's a requirement, Chi!"

Warmth filled Gohan's eyes a moment at that and the three of them made their way inside. There were a small set of stairs that curled to a small office door. Gohan trotted inbetween both his parents, tail half wrapped around his waist. It felt weird to be out of his usual clothes; he didn't wear jeans all that often but given this was a first impression, maybe it was best not to wear a gi.

Or not. He didn't know. Daddy chose jeans so he did the same.

Opening the small door, the family filed in (Goku ducked his head, grinning that he didn't 'wack it' this time!) and approached the small desk.

Gohan glanced about. It was a small waiting room, with green upholstered chairs, small tables, and a collection of magazines and books. In the corner, he saw a small colorfully carpeted section that had a dollhouse, plush animals and various other toys strewn everywhere.

The woman behind the counter smiled when she saw them. Older woman with black hair lined with silver and glasses that just barely cling to her nose. Looking down, she said, "Well, this must be Gohan!"

Blushing a bit, Gohan nodded, subconsciously rubbing his tail "Yes Ma'am. Daddy said he's been talkin' to one of your therapists to get tips to help me and...and we thought I should talk to her some."

The woman smiled. "Ah yes, he's seen Chiyu a few times. She told me that you might stop by but she's not here today. But she told us that Naoru could probably help you more than she could anyway! If you're open to it."

Gohan looked up at his father then his mother then back to the woman. "Can...Daddy come in with me?"

"Of course. Whatever makes you comfortable. And if you decide you'd like to come back later and talk to Chiyu instead, you can do that too." She looked at Goku. "How does that sound?"

Goku smiled at his son. "Sound good, Gohan? Wanna meet Ms. Naoru and see what she has to say?"

After a pause, though only a small one, Gohan nodded. He wanted to get better and Daddy was with him. He tried to push down all the thoughts about potentially saying the wrong thing. This was to get some advice on what they could do at home. It would be alright.

"Sure, we'll talk with Ms. Naoru. Chi, do you mind waitin'?"

ChiChi smiled, "I'll be fine. You two go on and when we're done. We'll go to that pastry shop and get some lunch and dessert, how about that?"

After two nods of acceptance, the older woman (who stated her name was Kiku over the phone) called up Naoru and stated the Son Family was here for her. There was a minimumal wait, perhaps 5 minutes until the door opened and a young woman with brown hair pulled in a ponytail stepped out of a side door. She had on a simple green dress and vest and spoke with a slight twang. "Son Gohan?"

Gohan stepped forward, his father just behind him, "Yes Ma'am?"

"Hello, Gohan! I'm Naoru. It's nice to meet you. Is this your father?"

Gohan nodded. "This is my Daddy. Is it okay if he comes in too?"

"Of course! If that's what you want." She smiled at Goku and for a moment, it was like her eyes sparkled in recognition. But neither Gohan nor Goku had seen her before. But it faded quickly. "Won't you join me in my office?" She walked through the small door and after a slight pause and a smile of encouragement from ChiChi, the two men followed.

"Lovely family, Miss ChiChi." Kiku offered. "And unless I miss my guess, expected to grow by one more soon?"

ChiChi grinned, laid a hand on her stomach. "Yes, another boy."

"Wonderful! I'm sure Naoru will be able to help your oldest. I know adjusting can be hard, especially with such a wide age gap. How old is your oldest? Fourteen?"

ChiChi shook her head with tears in her eyes. "No, but I know he looks it. He turned eleven this year."

"Only eleven?" She shook her head in disbelief. "Well, he certainly looks much older than that! The younger the better to fix these kind if problems though."

ChiChi nodded simply. "Old habits die hard, that's for sure." She pondered a moment just silently standing there, tapping her nails on the counter. Much as Gohan had things to sort through, she did too. Her anger and impulsive nature for one. She didn't even know why she reacted as strongly as she did sometimes. She just...did.

And now that she knew what damage it did and what damage it COULD do, well, she hardly had an excuse anymore. The look Gohan had given her haunted her. She was supposed to be helping, not making it harder! She was trying. As best she could, as best she knew how...

"Ms. Kiku? I know we made arrangements for my Gohan. Are there any other openings, perhaps with another therapist? I...have some things to work on myself."

OOO

The room was pretty bright. Lots of windows actually and some potted plants. Three plush chairs including a bean bag chair and scattered large pillows on the ground. Some colored art on the wall and a dish full of small wrapped chocolates in front of the chairs.

Ms. Naoru took a seat and held the dish out. "Feel free."

Gohan grinned, looked up at his father. Sweets, especially chocolate, were a treat for him. Hard to get out on the mountain!

"Go on, but don't take all of 'em." Even as he spoke, Goku took a handful himself.

Once they ate one or two, Goku asked, "Thanks for seeing us. Ms. Kiku said you offered?"

Nodding firmly, she said, "Pro bono. Mr. Son."

"Pro...?"

Gohan looked up "It's Latin, Daddy. It means 'for the good.' Means she'll see us for free." Gohan stared at her, "Ehy?"

Almost immediately, he added "Not...not that we're ungrateful but..."

Naoru just smiled. "Well, I did talk with Chiyu about you. She mentioned that your father here had been coming, looking for advice and tips. But you'd never come for a full on session."

Goku swallowed. "Yeah, Gohan hadn't felt okay with it." He wrapped his arm around his son, making a subconscious statement that he would not allow anything to proceed that did such a thing.

Her eyes remained kind. "Out of fear of not being believed?"

"Well..." she was partially right. But that wasn't really where his fear lay—

"Or fear that you might say something that would be misinterpreted and people would think untruths about your family? Truths that could put your family in danger it doesn't deserve?"

Gohan felt his face pale and his mouth drop a little. He swallowed, did a false cough to try and recover but the overall shock was clearly painted on his face.

Goku was more direct. "Wow. You're good."

Shaking her head, the woman said, "The reason I asked to meet with you is because I've made a bit of a reputation for myself working with people that have seen things the world likes to pretend don't exist."

Gohan eyed her. "Like?"

"Oh...like the highway store held up by a blond woman, a black haired man and a huge towering man with orange hair that had far too much strength. Or those who had the misfortune of being close to the cities where those alien pods crashed. Or the few hidden folk that lived to talk about what happened in Gingertown."

The two Saiyans stared at her. Goku finally caught his nerves. "I didn't think anybody remembered or dealt with they stuff."

She leaned forward. "Not many do. Me, a handful of other people here. I think the world likes to stick its head in the sand and pretend to forget." She touched her temple. "But the mind and heart don't forget. Those people need help healing just like anyone else. So when I saw there wasn't a group dedicated to that, well, that became my focus." She looked from one to the other. "And when I heard the name Son Goku, I saw it as my chance to help...in what little way I could."

The younger of the two spoke, "You looked like you knew my Daddy. But I know you don't. So, what does Daddy have to do with you wanting to help me?"

Again, his face blushed. "I'm sorry, Ms. Naoru. I'm not trying to be rude..."

"It's alright to ask questions," She reassured him. "Given what you have seen...I can only guess at it...you're being protective of yourself, of your family. If you knowing my why makes you feel more at ease, then I'll gladly tell you."

After a moment to consider, the boy nodded. "If you could tell me..." he was more than a little astounded and encouraged by her. She was talking about the Androids, about the Saiyans. How much she knew, he didn't know but the very prospect that she accepted these things as fact meant he would not have to lie...

"Of course. When I was young, about your age actually Gohan, my family and I lived in Central City, in the Palace of the King. My father was the Captain of the Guard. And when King Piccolo attacked, he fell."

Goku stared but he didn't interrupt her.

"My mother and I managed to take my father's body and flee when King Piccolo was making demands. We figured the safest place would be with my grandparents. At West City."

Gohan blinked. "Daddy told me about that story. That was the first place King Piccolo tried to destroy."

"It was. And I wasn't able to do anything about it. But then came a three eyed man and oh, the fight he put up—"

Goku grinned, "Yep! Good ol' Tien!"

She nodded. "But even ge fell but then from the sky came a boy dressed in orange, with spiky hair and a tail. I didn't see all of it. It wasn't safe. But I know that my grandparents and I lived that day because of Son Goku."

She wiped her eyes. "And I'm sure that my father awoke from cold death because of you too. Don't know how but I know it had to be. And I know we owe our lives not to Mr. Satan. I don't need video to know that." Her voice rang like a bell. "If I can offer my services to help those that dared to try and protect us, little as that might be, then I will." She took a breath. "But that is all up to you. If all you want are tips, I can offer that but I'd like to do more than that, if you'll let me."

Gohan looked up at his father. The Saiyan looked equal parts stunned and relieved. He never dreamed that there might be someone that could understand...truly...understand. But something that lived through King Piccolo, someone who KNEW the role he played in his defeat. Someone that had been touched by the Dragonballs in a way that memory could not forget.

Goku gave a nod. "Whatta you think, Gohan?"

Gohan looked at her. Considered her story, felt her ki. Heard the sincerity in her voice. And he felt hope spread through his whole being.

"Yes."

Notes:

For those interested, in keeping with the tradition of Dragonball having punny names..

Chiyu: healing, recovery
Kiku: to listen, listening
Naoru: to be cured, to be healed

Chapter 37

Chapter Text

"Hey, Chi?"

The human woman turned from her place at the stove, setting her spoon aside. Wiping off her hands, she accepted Goku taking hold of them. "What is it, Goku?"

"When we came out today, Grandma Kiku said you were in the back. Did something happen or...?"

The woman smiled, "Yes but not what you think. I just think that maybe I could do some work on myself too. So, I asked if someone could help me with that."

Goku blinked, surprised. "I didn't think that—" He rubbed his neck. "I..."

"Oh, Goku, it's something I decided on my own. Especially after what happened the other day. When I just reacted like I did." Her eyes downcast.

"But you didn't mean that..."

"No," She agreed. "I didn't. But I still have my old habits, my old way of thinking and I need to break that. Gohan is a sweet boy and more understanding than either of us deserve—"

"Can agree with that," he said with a nod.

"But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be doing everything that I can to fix what I see as a problem. I see what I've been doing but it wouldn't do me any good to know it and not really do anything about it, would it?"

Goku shrugged. "I guess not. I just don't want you to...well, I don't like it when either you or Gohan feel bad about yourselves." His face drew into a low pout. "I want you two to be happy!"

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pushed herself up to her tiptoes and brushed noses with him. "I am happy, Goku. So is Gohan. Having things we hafta fix doesn't mean you don't make us happy. It just means we hafta fix some things."

Goku smiled at her, encouraged by her words. "Can I help?"

"Sweetheart," she kissed his nose, something that always made him giggle like a little bit. "I'm sure you'll be helping us more than you can imagine the next few months. But don't stress over it. If I need help, I'll ask you. Gohan too." She paused, considered "But I appreciate you checking in."

Goku grinned. "Well, I'll keep doing that! Did the lady tell you anything you had to do?"

She shook her head. "Nothing difficult. First thing is just to figure out what the issue is. And well, I know that's me being impulsive." She eyed Goku. "I know I can be. Dangerously so. It just never occurred to me how that might be hurtin' you or Gohan. So, I needa curve it!"

Scratching his head, Goku asked. "How do you do that?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure yet. Ms. Setsudo—that's her name—told me that we give off symptoms we don't even wanna realize. Like clenching our fists and things like that. I've just gotten so used to just runnin' with it that I don't notice. So I have to learn what they are first."

"Oh. So like things you do when you get mad?"

ChiChi nodded. "Yeah. So I hafta bring her a list and then she's gonna teach me how to recognize them before it builds up so much." She shrugged. "Other things too but she said to focus on one thing at a time." She giggled a bit; Goku's face when he was listening intently always made her smile. "I'll let you know after next visit what we can do together to help, okay?"

Made sense to him. Especially if you were learning new stuff, trying to do too much at once was absolutely overwhelming. He liked a challenge, no mistake but even he knew when to call it quits. Having to help her and Gohan was important but they needed to get a hang on what they needed to do first. So, much as he wanted to fix it now, he'd have to wait.

"Well, if you need help, I can help. Your left eyebrow does this weird little twitch thing when you're starting to get mad." Goku hoped that was useful and not insulting. He kinda found it cute, to be honest, if not for what followed.

Turning to look at him, she mimicked what he was describing, "Like that?"

"Yep! Lil' more twitchy though."

Oh, only her Goku could describe something as "a little more twitchy" and she'd have no problem knowing what he meant. "Well, I'll add that to my list." Turning back to her stove, she remarked, "Can you go get Gohan?"

"Eatin' soon?" He asked, eyes bright. Food was always something he looked forward to and since they'd starting talking more and combining their ideas, meals became even more wonderful. Right now, given they were shifting gradually from summer to autumn, that meant more stews as the cold weather started to arrive. Goku and Gohan always looked forward to those.

ChiChi gave him her gentle smile. "Soon enough. You've got enough time to wash up beforehand."

"Woo hoo!" Goku jumped from the floor and made his way to his son's room. The boy had wasted no time in adapting it to his tastes and it made Goku smile. Maybe having a place special for his own would help. The small little paintings he put on the walls always drew a smile.

Knocking once, Goku waited and when he wasn't told to wait, slowly pushed the door in. Gohan was pretty good about letting them know if he needed more time before opening the door. So, he took the silence as an okay.

Goku came upon his son lying on his bed, staring at some paper, tapping his pen against his cheek. His tail swayed back and forth, a typical thinking stance. Goku'd almost forgotten that stance and was glad to see it again.

Walking up behind him, Goku asked. "Studyin'?" He hoped not actually. Way too much going on right now to worry about school. He and ChiChi needed to reach a consensus on what to do about that for the future but it was low on their list of priorities right now. School would be there when they decided. Gohan was advanced enough that some time off wouldn't kill him.

Shaking his head, Gohan said "Mom said to not worry about it right now until we get...the other stuff sorted." Sitting up, he turned to face his father. "Ms. Naoru tol' me to start with making a baseline for my feelings, right? So...write down what I'm proud of myself for."

"Oh. Well, whatcha got so far?" Goku paused, considered. "Unless you don't wanna tell me."

Gohan smiled. "Ah, I can tell you, Daddy." He handed the paper over and Goku accepted it, looking over his son's neat penmanship.

"I'm good with animals." Goku read it aloud. "I'm good at reading. I'm good at drawing." Goku stopped, turned the paper over once or twice. "Oh, that's it?"

Nodding, head down, Gohan said, "I wanted to write some other things down but it didn't feel right." He turned red in the face. "Felt like I was bragging."

Goku set the paper down and gently poked his son's nose. "Hey, it's only bragging if you're trying to make someone feel bad. Is that what you're doing?"

Shaking his head, Gohan said, "No."

"'Kay, so what are you trying to do?"

Gohan considered. "See where I stand so I know what to work on. So then she knows what we need to work on."

Goku nodded. "Makes sense to me. So, how is it braggin'?"

Gohan sighed heavily and wound his tail so he could nervously clutch it. "I guess it's not...not in that way anyway but it feels...wrong." He looked up, eyes downcast. "I wanna get this assignment right though..."

Goku took a seat next to his son. "Gohan. You're not gettin' graded on this. It's to help you." He took one of the boy's hands. "You're worried 'bout her judgin' you, ain't ya?"

Tail twitching, Gohan nodded. "And I know she won't. I mean, I felt totally okay when we were talking but it's still here." He tapped his temple. "And it's hard to get it to stop."

The Saiyan father considered. "How long you been workin' on this? Since we came home?"

Nodding, Gohan rubbed at his eyes. "I thought I should. When she explained it, I thought no problem! But...it's hard. Harder than I thought it would be. What's she gonna say if I show up with just two or three things?"

Goku tilted his head, "Probably good job and now we know what we hafta work on."

Gohan blinked. Considered. It certainly made sense. After all, the therapist hadn't told him he had to fill a page or anything. Just 'what you can identify.' She'd even said, now that he focused in it, "Don't worry about length. Just worry about being honest."

And here he was, trying to overdo, overachieve, all because the prospect of doing less than made him feel physically ill. The idea that someone might think him lazy or it trying hard enough...it was deeply embedded in his spirit.

"I'm doing it again, aren't I, Daddy? The...the do best, do best thing?"

Goku pulled the boy tight into his side. "Yeah, you are. But we're working on that. That's what she's gonna help you with, right?"

Nodding, face half pressed into his father's chest, Gohan remarked, "Yeah..." He didn't like waiting, he didn't like the idea that he couldn't fix this now even if he knew, all too well, such a thing would take weeks.

"So, why don't you take a break? Maybe you'll think of more tomorrow. 'Sides, it's gotta be like trainin' in a way. Gotta retrain your brain and you'll get it all burnt out if you don't give it a break." Goku wrapped his arm around his son's torso and lifted him up, flipping him a little so he hung upside down. "So...Daddy says take a break!"

Gohan yelped, first in surprise then pleasure. "Daddy!" He laughed. "Put me down!"

"What?" Came the teasing call. "Didn't hear ya!" Goku ran his fingers lightly over the boy's ribs and grinned when the high pitched squeal erupted from his throat. "What was that?"

"Daddy!" Gohan wheezed. "Che-ater! Che-ater!" He squirmed but as per usual, his father had a vice like grip. But he also was in a unique position. Maneuvering his newly acquired tail, Gohan brushed it against his father's own ribs and into the armpits.

Now it was Goku squealing!

"Ack! You call ME cheater?!" He accused even as he dropped Gohan lightly to the bed. The boy stood and jumped, clambering over to sit on his father's shoulders like a little monkey. Goku glanced up at him and Gohan gave him a cheeky grin, the first he'd seen in days.

"Eh, I guess you win this round. If your Mom hadn't sent me in to get you for dinner, we'd be settling this." The light kidding threat in his voice just made Gohan beam and hug the man's head.

"Well, maybe after dinner, I'll take that break you mentioned, Daddy and we can end this. If you're not scared..." He tickled his father's neck with his tail.

"Oh, you're going down, little man."

Chapter 38

Chapter Text

"I was supposed to be getting better!"
Goku winced, approached and laid his hands on her shoulders. "Chi, it's okay. You're tryin'."
"Tryin' and failin'," she mused though she did lean into his grip. "Heck, I've snapped at you more since I started this therapy than before!"
"Same with me, Mom."
She turned at the small voice. Gohan crept into the kitchen, cautiously as if making sure a dangerous predator were subdued and that broke her heart. All the same though, he came to the table and sat down, taking her hands. "Ms. Naoru told me and Dad—" he paused, considered then pushed on, "She tol' me that when you start to look at things you hafta change, when you start changing them, when you look at some of the things that hurt you...you're gonna hurt more for a little bit before you get better."
Gohan had nearly wept at that; the prospect of feeling worse than he did now was heart breaking. Naoru had explained though...trauma and emotional pain was similar to an infected wound. Removing the cause or even locating it involved digging that hurt and made you bleed. Then, you had to drain the infection which would hurt. But once all was said and done, healing could begin.
Gohan understood it but he also hated it. In a way, maybe Mom having undergo something similar would make him feel less isolated with it. Healing together was a nice concept. He gave his mother what he thought was an encouraging smile, trying to push her previous outburst away. It had not been directed at him but it hurt all the same.
She was trying though.
Sighing heavily, ChiChi nodded, "I was tol' the same. Just didn't think it would work like this." She sighed, looked up at Goku, "I'm sorry, Goku."
The Saiyan gave her a smile, nuzzled her head a bit. "Eh, it's okay, Chi. It's gonna be a little tough for a bit but that's okay. Whatcha supposed to be doin'? Can I help?"
Smiling, she replied, "Well, last visit, she helped me break down when I get upset. Minute by minute, second by second. So I'm 'posed to speak out when I first notice I'm getting mad."
"Oh, well, that sounds easy."
Gohan shook his head. "I mean, it should be Daddy but it's not."
Goku eyed his son. "Oh. Did Naoru give you somethin' like that too?"
"...kinda. Mom has to work on her impulsive anger and reacting. I'm supposed to work on not letting my self doubt build up. She gave me exercises to do. On that, on what happened with the Saiyans...she gave me a lot but tol' me to just focus on what I could do." Gohan pouted, but I'm also supposed to tell you when it starts to get bad." He lowered his head. "I...don't always do so well on that."
Goku considered, thought, scratched his head. "Well, so you and your mom hafta know when to talk so it doesn't get all built up. You'll both look like a puffer fish at this rate!" Scrunching up his face and puckering his lips, Goku made a light gurgle in his throat.
ChiChi giggled.
Gohan laughed.
The baby kicked.
Goku beamed. "That's better!" He leaned over, gave ChiChi a peck on the nose then reached out and ruffled his son's hair. "We'll hafta make it easier for you guys to tell me...us...when you're gettin' all bottled up."
The two nodded. "That's the hard part." Gohan confessed. "I guess...I'm so used to wanting to keep it to myself."
ChiChi sighed. "And I'm so used to just lettin' it build." She shook her head. "I thought the physical things...the fists and teeth clenched and red face, I was so sure it'd be easy to spot. But it ain't."
Goku scratched his head then smiled "Well, duh. You two have anyways been alike in that way. When you get sad or mad or whatever. It always starts inside." He considered a longer moment. "Do you notice the feelings first then?"
Gohan and ChiChi exchanged glances. "...maybe." Gohan answered. "I mean, sometimes I think I do. I guess." He frowned. "Guess I haven't thought about it." He stood, ran back to his room a moment then cane back, a paper in hand. "She gave me this chart to try and find my signs." He unfolded it and there was a large chart I Know I'm Feeling —with Gohan's crisp handwriting filling in "Self Doubt" in the blank spot—When:
There was room to right or draw below and much like ChiChi had described, he'd put a few little statements down—"I try to be by myself," or "I don't want to eat as much."
"I guess we could add how we're feeling too." Now that his father had brought it up, it seemed silly to have neglected it. When he was beginning to feel overwhelmed (that was another sheet) he'd feel a sense of foreboding. He'd feel very anxious, twitchy even—to use a word Daddy used sometimes.
ChiChi nodded. "You're doing very well with that." She looked up at Goku. "I'll start adding that to mine too and we'll get this all figured out."
Goku grinned. "I'll be thinkin' too. We'll figure out a way that we can start tacklin' these problems, you'll see."
ChiChi grinned and gave him a gentle kiss before turning to her son. "Your dad and I'll be headin' to the doctor 'fore too long, Gohan. We'll bring back some dinner, okay?"
He nodded. They'd been talking about this appointment for a bit. "Okay, Mom. Just lemme know if I need to do anything—if you start running late or something."
"Doubt that'll happen." Goku turned to his son. "But we'll let you know." He paused, considered a moment then said, "You sure you wanna just wait at home, Son?"
Gohan almost answered immediately but then caught himself. Assumptions. Don't ever respond before you were done listening. It was a hard habit to break—especially for him. Not for the same reason as most people though. He always wanted to jump ahead to please. Even now, the prospect of saying yes was tempting if only to see his father's face light up.

No, though. He didn't think he could. Not yet. He and Ms. Naoru were making progress…he was working on himself, working on how he saw himself, working on how he judged himself, working on how he valued himself. He was making strides but much like his mother, there was much to undo and much to learn for the first time.

Maybe he no longer dreaded the baby—his brother—coming but he didn't think he was ready to face it, in true up-front fashion, just yet.

Taking a breath, Gohan shook his head, "Not yet. I…I'm sorry. I was hoping that maybe I would have changed my mind but…"

Goku just smiled, that warm smile of his and gently reached out, ruffling the boy's hair. "You're workin' on a lot, son. I was just offerin', seeing if you maybe were ready yet."

ChiChi smiled, "We'll bring home some pictures and we can start with that, okay?"

Nodding, if a bit reluctantly, Gohan remarked, "One step at a time." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Wish I could take larger steps but…I'm tryin'."

OOO

Gohan stared at the paper in front of him before slowly pushing it back. He had been working since his parents left for the appointment on his journaling, on his counseling worksheets. It had seemed only right until as he worked through his latest exercises, he paused to think about WHY he was focusing on the counseling right now.

He felt guilty.

Because he hadn't gone with them, even though he truly didn't think he was ready for that and he was perseverating on disappointing them, on making them feel sad, on making them feel rejected. It was that emotional fortune telling thing Ms. Naoru had talked about.

Sometimes, our minds jump to conclusions. Conclusions that have no basis in reality but it's easier for our minds to cope by pretending they do. We call them cognitive distortions. When you imagine you know exactly what someone is going to think and say and feel and do, we call that fortune telling.

Gohan had identified that he did that a lot. Almost as much as he did another one—discounting the positive. Finding reasons why something he had done that he might be proud of "didn't count" in his mind.

It was exhausting.

Well, he wasn't going to feed that distortion. He had recognized it and that was good. That meant he needed to distract himself, get his mind focused on something else, anything else. The mountain certainly did not like the resources for activities but he needed something that would keep him focused yet was not forcing him to be super calculative.

A strong knock at the door surprised him.

His mother and father would have just come in. And it was way too early for them to be back already. They didn't exactly have a lot of neighbors up here. The prospect of it being Grandpa crossed his mind briefly but no, Grandpa had to deal with his kingdom a lot more now and he always called before he came over, since they could be anywhere on the mountain.

Curiosity won and Gohan bounded out of his room and towards the front of the house. He felt out with his ki and after a moment of prodding, a grin spread over his face. Grasping the door handle, he pulled back and was met with a beaming Yamcha.

"Heya Kiddo. Just you?"

"Mom and Dad went to an appointment. What are you doing here, Yamcha?"

The martial artist grinned, tossing a baseball up and down in his left hand. "Need me a partner to help me work on my swing and my pitch. Kinda hard to find at the League. Most of the time my throws will knock them out if I really try. THAT'S no fun. Think you can spare me a half hour?"

Well, ask and you shall receive, apparently.

"Count me in!"

Chapter 39

Chapter Text

"That too hard?"

Yamcha laughed though he did rub his palm a little. Kid had an awesome throw. Not that it surprised him. After all, he WAS, as of right now, the strongest fighter on the planet. It was nice to have a partner where he could really put his all against.

"Naw, you're good, Kid. I like a nice challenge." Winding up his arm, Yamcha sent a fast ball back at the boy who caught it one handed, though with a smile. "See? You got a knack for it!"

Gohan threw the ball back and asked "What made you stop by, Yamcha? We don't see you a whole lot but you and Krillin have been hanging around a lot."

"Gettin' sick of me?" Came the teasing question.

Shaking his head, Gohan caught the next throw. "No. I like it when you come over. You and Krillin or the others. But I know it's kinda outta the way for you so I was just wondering..."

"Hey, maybe I like to hang out with you, Kiddo. Your dad might as well be my brother, you know." He caught the next throw back. "And I'm glad cause you're good company."

Blushing a bit, Gohan said, "Thanks."

A few moments passed with just the ball whistling through the air and the sound of impact on leather. Yamcha waited for an opening.

"How you doing with all this, Kid? Your parents tol' me that you're working on some stuff."

Nodding, Gohan replied. "I am. Dad found me a therapist that was there when King Piccolo attacked. So she understands. And Mom is seeing this other lady." Ball left glove.

Ball hit glove. "Sounds good to me!" Yamcha tossed the ball up and down a bit. "Is it helping?"

Gohan nodded again. "I think so. But the beginning is always hardest she says. So Mom's had some outbursts and...I have too." He bit his lip. "That's why I didn't go with them for the appointment today. I don't wanna see the ultrasound. Not yet." He paused "One thing I've been learnin' is to know my limits and I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

Instead of shame or contempt, the human smiled. "Well, you're workin' at it. Are you better than before?"

"...Yeah."

"So. Celebrate that!" Yamcha caught the ball again on its return then sat on the ground, pulled out a capsule, unveiling a rather extensive lunch of fried chicken and more sides than was medically advised. "Your parents won't mind if I feed ya, will they?"

Gohan grinned. Even if the answer was yes, he had to admit the smell of fried chicken would have been enough to convert him. So, instead, he flopped down with a drooling smirk. "They won't care." He added, "They're bringing home dinner but lunch comes first!" This looked a lot better than the simple leftovers he was going to heat up!

"Good." Yamcha passed a plate to the boy and the two of them began to fill and empty their plates. There was a nice serenity to it. It had been a while since Gohan had gotten the chance to...well, play like this.

"Hey, Yamcha?"

"Mmm?"

"Did you and my dad do this kind of stuff? Like ...I dunno just hang out like this?"

Swallowing, the man smiled, "Sure! Not as much once he started trainin' and doing his around the world trip stuff but your ol' man is always up for a meal and a fun time,"

With a warmth to his eyes, Gohan nodded. "Yeah, he is."

Considering a moment, Yamcha asked, "Got any friends your age you can pal around with?"

Shaking his head, Gohan said with a bite into a chicken leg. "Not really. I mean, there's kids in the villages nearby but we aren't friends. Not like you and Dad and Krillin are." He swallowed and began to peruse the available drinks, "That's one reason they want me to go to regular school now. I mean, it was cause Dad and I talked 'bout me being able to play and train and stuff too but both Dad and Mom want me to make friends."

Yamcha nodded. "Sounds like a solid plan to be."

Gohan nodded, eyes downcast. "I...it is. I mean, _I_ want friends like Daddy has. But it's scary and..." he bit his lip. "And school would start in April." He trembled a bit, though not noticeably. "And everyone else will have gotten so used to the school. All but me."

"Most of 'em, yeah." Yamcha wasn't gonna lie. There might be a handful of kids new but overall, not a lot of kids switched schools mid way or almost done unless they had to.

Gohan frowned. "Mom'll have the baby in either December or January. So I guess me going to school would help—they'd just have HIM to worry about." He looked up, cheeks red. "And that makes me mad. That's stupid, huh?"

Yamcha smiled, a warm, gentle smile. "No. Not stupid. Normal. I know you've been dealing with a lot, Gohan but I promise you that being jealous of the baby—least a little bit—is normal." He added "And being kinda mad that your parents would be with your brother and not you is normal."

The boy nodded. "Maybe that's what this is now. I...I'm working on how I feel about myself, on letting Mom and Daddy know how I feel and I do think it's getting better. But I dunno if I can handle school, friends, the new baby and all this emotional stuff." He rubbed his temples. "Way too much stuff. I guess that's done if this too. Just...so...much...and it feels like it's all at once. Maybe I should be able to handle it but I'm not that good at it yet." He silenced himself with a chicken leg. Much as he wanted to say he had mastered what the therapist had been teaching him, he hadn't. Not by a long shot. It would take time. And the baby and school and friends and...all of it.

It felt like drowning.

Yamcha considered. "It's a lot of stuff to deal with, that for sure. You're gonna be...what, sixth grade?"

"Yes. Near as age constraints go." Gohan laughed a bit. "Time Chamber kinda messes things up but yeah. Last year of primary."

Taking a bite of corn, the older man thought. "Here's a thought you might ask of your folks. You're a pretty advanced Kiddo." Yamcha wasn't sure how well his suggestion would take but given everything that had happened, it only seemed right to try! "Not much slows you down."

Gohan let his lips upturn a little. It still felt good to get that praise.

"Why not see if you can just keep your skills sharp this year by doing stuff at home, like you've been doing. Then next year, once all this craziness has settled, you can go into Junior High. That way everyone in your year'll be new and nervous. Equal footin'." He added "And it'll give you all some time to get used to this new baby and routine and stuff. Think your mom would go for that?"

Gohan had been thinking some on that himself if he was to be honest. He was afraid she'd just see it as him trying to slip out of their deal but now that she was working on her own things and their whole family was talking...actually communicating...maybe she could see the logic in it.

Being able to help with the baby...well, maybe that would make him feel more...well, okay about it. He'd gotten to the point that he didn't automatically think of the baby being better than him—though he had to correct those thoughts sometimes still, especially at night—but it seemed so intangible still. So real but not real.

Maybe...maybe when his parents got home they could talk about that? About this? About all these emotions he had and wasn't real sure what to do with?

A sinking fear still settled in his gut. He knew his mom was doing better but he still had an odd hesitation. An unjust one perhaps and he tried to talk it down. It'd be easier if it wasn't just him asking and...

"Yamcha? Will you stay and help me ask?"

There. He'd said it. Asked for help because damn it, his nerves and inner thoughts were suddenly all jittery—

A hand fell on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw some definite uncertainty in Yamcha's face. He knew that he and Mom hadn't always gotten along. But the man just nodded.

"Sure, Kid. Sure."

Chapter 40

Chapter Text

Goku and ChiChi arrived home to the sound of laughing in the front yard. That was certainly a welcomed sound. Both parents loved the sound of their son's laugh over pretty much anything else. Rounding the corner, they were surprised to see he wasn't alone!

"Yamcha!" Goku waved. "What are you doing here?"

Gohan beamed and gently nudged the older man as they stood together. "Getting his butt whooped at Shiritori!" He tore from the man's side, rushing to greet his parents with a warm hug to each though he avoided his mother's rounded stomach as much as he 't want to accidentally hurt her, he rationalized to himself.

The ex-bandit held up his hands. "Hey! I admitted defeat! You twist words better than a politician!"

Gohan stick out his tongue lightly, before looking at his parents. "Did the appointment go okay?"

Goku grinned. "Sure did. Your mom and brother are doin' just fine!"

ChiChi reached down and gently ruffled her son's hair. "We brought home the pictures to show you after dinner if you want."

Gohan stiffened a bit but nodded. He'd agreed to the pictures and he needed to stick to that. He would handle all those emotions when they came. "What took you guys so long anyway?"

Goku laughed. "Your mom insisted on picking up a few things for the baby's room. Boring stuff like clothes." He added. "And we figured you wouldn't exactly miss that."

Despite himself, Gohan laughed. "No, probably not."

ChiChi eyed Yamcha. "Thanks for keeping him company. I hope he was good..."

"Aw, the kid is always good. Is a good throw with a baseball too!" Yamcha held up the remains of a baseball, split three separate ways. "A nice hit with the bat too!"

"Wish we'd known you were here," she added. "We would have picked up an extra plate—"

"Aw, no problem." Yamcha paused and after a look to Gohan, he pushed forward. "I won't bug you guys at dinner but before you eat, Gohan has something he wants to discuss with you. We talked about it earlier."

ChiChi eyed her son, taking note of the nerves practically painted on his face. "Oh? Well, let's put dinner in the kitchen and talk then."

Gohan nodded and when Yamcha followed them in, he took hold of the man's hand. Seemed silly but having someone on his side made him feel empowered. By the time his parents both came back to the living room and sat down, he could almost swallow again.

"Must be something important," Goku said simply. No judgement, just an observation. "What's up?"

Gohan took a breath, looked up at Yamcha who nodded to him and kept a grip on the boy's hand. Turning back to his parents, Gohan said, "Can you promise me that you'll listen to everything I say before you answer?"

Goku and ChiChi exchanged glances. That was something they'd been working on together—communication. It was nice to see Gohan continue to use it. ChiChi had to admit that sometimes it was difficult but if this was so important to her son, she needed to really focus. "We'll wait."

Gohan looked down, seemingly trying to gather his thoughts. The silence ate at the nerves a little bit but one thing ALL of them had been learning was that some silence in conversation was good—it gave you time to reflect and truly focus and deliver your response. Less miscommunication to be sure.

After a time, Gohan looked up. "Yamcha and I started talking about it and...well, I was thinking about how everything is happening together—you and me, Mom working on ourselves, building and adding onto the house, the new—my brother coming and that's on top of all the holidays we usually have at New Year's. It feels...overwhelming."

ChiChi almost replied but bit her tongue. It was obvious that Gohan wasn't done yet. So, she gave him time to process.

"And I was thinking...this year would mean I went into sixth grade. That's the last year of primary school. But I'm already pretty ahead of everyone. So...what if I take this year to just keep my skills sharp and...start junior high next year?"

The room was quiet. Gohan took a heavy breath. "That's what I wanted to talk about. I just...it's so much stuff and I wanna...I wanna he able to work through it without being the brand new kid. Without having to try to make friends when I'm still figuring myself out. So...could we do that?"

Yamcha rested a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Pretty well said to me." He looked at the two parents. "Makes a lot of sense if you think about it. What do you say?"

Goku, as usual, responded first. "I think that's something we could do..."

"Goku!" ChiChi broke in. "I...a year off from school?"

"Not off." Goku said. "'Member. Listen to what's said not for what you hear." That had been their mantra. ChiChi's therapist had given it to her one day and she'd begun to post it around the house when she could. It was a very helpful method for identifying assumptions and even Goku had found it helpful! ChiChi, just by nature of being more impulsive, needed practice to break that habit. Listen for what was truly said...not your interpretation of it.

ChiChi paused. This was something that she had been working on. Her therapist called it "fortune telling" where she assumed she knew what everyone was thinking and feeling which made it so much easier to act in response. She'd made a vow to stop that, to work on that. She didn't want her son to feel worse because of what she said or did. In her mind, this was most important. She gave her husband a gentle look for reminding her. Goku had an amazing memory and when she told him hints that she was trying to learn, he somehow always remembered them and could recall them when her memory failed and old habits took over.

ChiChi took the advice, exhaled a breath, cleared her mind then said, "Gohan, I must have blocked that...I'm sorry. I told you I would listen until the end but I started assuming. Can you say that again?" It still felt weird but she had to admit, it usually made their conversations so much easier! Harder to get mad when everyone's real intentions were clear. They had struggled with this—quite a bit—as old habits were hard to break but the end result was oh so satisfying. There were less shouting matches now, less conflict, less tension. "I'm sorry that I stopped listening but I'm listening now."

It might have been frustrating to some but for Gohan, it was a huge change. Instead of charging forward on her assumption, Mom asked to clarify. He would have repeated himself a hundred times if need be!

"I wouldn't not be doing any schooling, Mom. I'd do it at home, like I used to. Working on the skills that Junior High requires. But doing it at home would let me figure out these emotions and deal with all this change." He swallowed. "And then next school year, I'd go to Junior High. That way, I'd be starting off the same as everyone else."

ChiChi considered this. Her son was right. They were going through so many changes right now. She supposed that she'd just assumed the wonderful things about a public school—Gohan had seemed encouraged about the prospect but then again, that had been before the baby and the unveiling of these emotional trials. And much as she tried to think otherwise, school came with pressure.

She and Goku had fought about this kind of thing before, several times. But their last one, right after Cell had been particularly verbal and intense. It had taken Gohan suddenly rushing out of the house to draw both of the back to the present. They'd agreed to a compromise then but now, presented with not only an appeal but information that backed it up...

"I agree with your father."

Both Gohan and Goku stated, surprised, "You do?"

Yamcha obviously was a bit taken aback as well but stayed silent.

"Well, you're right. And I know we could use an extra hand when your brother's that young." ChiChi reached out, took her son's hands. "And I know you're working through some things right now. I don't want school to be a burden for you. It's supposed to give you a future, give you friends..." she shook her head. "I think givin' you some time to deal with all this ain't askin' too much."

Eyes alight, Gohan asked, "Really?"

Goku reached over and pulled Gohan into his arms, smiling, "Really-really. It'll give us a whole year to get all settled! You, me, Mom and your brother!" He looked up, "Thanks for the idea, Yamcha!"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, all I did was listen and discuss. But your kid's always fun to do that with."

ChiChi stood, "Well, I'm glad Gohan has someone he can rely on." Goku and a Gohan stood next and Gohan approached and wrapped his arms around Yamcha.

"Thanks, Yamcha."

Grinning, he offered the boy the split ball. "Next time, we'll really see how far you can chuck that thing, okay?"

Smiling, Gohan nodded, "Deal!"

ChiChi stepped forward, smiled at her son, "Go help your father unload dinner. I'll be there in a minute. You leave some fruit for be!"

"Okay, Mom." It was pretty easy to read the room. Gohan and Goku vanished into the kitchen as ChiChi followed Yamcha outside. The father and son exchanged unknowing glances but it was quite apparent that this was something the Son Matriarch and Yamcha had to handle. They had hardly been close but Goku didn't think Yamcha had been disrespectful at all. Far from it! The fact that his friends wanted to be involved with his son and his family made him giddy.

He also trusted his wife though. For all her faults—she had a kind heart. She just needed some help reeling it in sometimes.

"Thank you." She said amid the twilight. "I know I'm not...the easiest person to bring up an idea like that with. And I haven't always been nicest to you."

The ex-bandit smiled, a bit nervously but with genuine affection. "Well, I can't say I've never earned some of your ire, ChiChi. Especially right after Piccolo took Gohan. I might not have been there but once I found out...I should have done more."

The hunan woman sighed "I won't say I don't wish you and Krillin and everyone had just tol' me. But I guess we didn't have the greatest relationship then. Not exactly something you'd want to tell a Mother."

Shrugging, Yamcha said, "No but leaving you to worry wasn't exactly okay either. For my part, I'm sorry for that."

ChiChi nodded. "I'm findin' that I had a lotta ideas that weren't right either. Maybe what happened soured me to it but I DID fall in love with a martial artist. And I'm startin' to remember why." She stopped, paused. "You rushed to help my Gohan against Cell. You knew you were outmatched, didn't you?"

Yamcha nodded. "Oh, completely. No guessing on that. Cell was even better than Goku but Gohan was better than him. Your boy surpassed all of us, even Goku which I didn't think anybody could do. Good thing he's got such a big heart."

"But you went anyway." She repeated. "Knowing you were outmatched, you went anyway. For my Gohan."

Yamcha grinned. "He's a great kid. Not just cause he's Goku's kid and Goku might as well be a brother but because he's him. If I could help even a little, I wanted to."

Maybe they had made mistakes and weren't great about making some decisions but this man...and the others too...they may well have been a reason she HAD a family. Someone that stood up when she couldn't be there. That, for all their faults, would lay down their lives for her Goku, her Gohan. And yes, for this coming little one too.

Choosing to remain quiet a moment more, ChiChi looked at the man, smiled, "Well, donc'ha be a stranger, hear me?" She added, "Cause family ain't strangers."

Chapter 41

Chapter Text

"Mom? Daddy?"

The two parents turned from their current conversation. The night had worn on and worn on and as much as Goku and ChiChi were itching to show the ultrasound off, Gohan was avoiding it. Hard to tell if it was purposeful or unintentional but they decided not to push.

ChiChi wondered if pushing would be better but she'd actually asked her therapist that last time. Pushing, if done, she'd be told coukd result in a person locking down even more. There was a difference between pushing and encouraging. The latter was what you wanted to do.

So, both she and Goku had taken to praise whenever Gohan did something that was accepting towards the new baby or the changes that would be happening. It was slow going but that was something that they ALL had been made acutely aware of—changing of thought and emotion were slow moving. It was quite possible that Gohan would still be unsure and emotionally fractured when the baby arrived. That was okay. The important thing was to make progress.

Goku greeted his son with a smile, "You still up, little man?"

Nodding, the boy made his way over, clammering up over the sheets and comforter and planting himself in between his parents. "Yeah, couldn't sleep."

"Did you sneak another pie slice?" ChiChi had a warm tone to her voice, despite the accusation. Sugar was definitely something that, without fail, kept her son AND husband up.

"Uh uh," he insisted with a shake of the head. "Wanted to but didn't." He frowned, sat back, wrapped his arms tight about his legs. "Can...I mean, I DID promise you that I'd look at the ultrasound."

The two parents exchanged a knowing look over his head but rather than reaching for the packet on her bedside table, ChiChi asked. "Why didn't you ask earlier?"

Biting his lower lip, Gohan confessed, "Guess...guess I'm still afraid to see it."

Goku reached over, gently stroked the boy's hair back. "Whatcha so afraid of?"

Shrugging, Gohan replied, rather honestly. "That's the thing. I really dunno. I mean, I know the baby is real. Me looking at a picture isn't gonna make it less real. Or more real. Heck, I can feel his ki right now." He meant that too. He could. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore. "But...maybe there's some piece of me that thinks..." he went quiet.

ChiChi waited a moment then gently asked. "Thinks what, Gohan?"

The boy chewed on his lower lip. "...this is hard," he admitted. "I don't want to sound like I'm selfish."

Goku gently leaned over and pressed his forehead on his son's. "Hey, 'member what we said?"

"Your emotions are your emotions. They're not good, they're not bad. They just are."

It was something Gohan learned at the very beginning of his sessions—many of which he asked his father to be present for. They even made a habit of saying it at the beginning and end of each session.

Applying it was much harder. "I guess I'm still afraid that I'm gonna be obsolete now. Not as good. Not as important." He tapped his head. "I've been working on fighting those thoughts but I can't lie and say they aren't there."

Goku pondered this. "Well, let's try that other exercise she talked about. Where you take the ideas and argue 'em out?"

Gohan nodded, wound his tail around his hands. He was still getting into the habit of doing this. Both his parents were always glad to help him but it became emotionally exhausting. All the same though, he knew in order for him to start doing it himself, automatically, he had to keep doing it when they came up.

"So, what's the first thought buggin' you when you think about the baby?" ChiChi's voice was soft as she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. When had he gotten so big?

"That now the baby will be better than me and you and Daddy will love them more."

Goku asked "Kay. What do you have to back up the idea we'll love them more?"

Gohan considered. "Every time you even mention the baby, you get really happy." He added, "You smile more, you talk really fast and you want to talk about what he'll do once he's here."

ChiChi asked, "And?"

"And..." he paused, "I'm not going to be as good as he is—"

Goku gently tapped his nose. "Evidence. What do you have to back that up."

"Well...he hadn't made the mistakes I have."

"No one has." ChiChi reminded him. "Because we all make our own mistakes."

Gohan considered. This was always the hard part but the necessary part. "I...I guess I'm scared that he'll like things I don't like so Mom you'll like him better. Or he'll be better at training than I am so Daddy'll like him better." He bit his lip and wrung his tail. "And I don't wanna lose that."

Goku paused before asking, "What has happened before that makes you think our love is gonna change because of what changes in our life?"

Evidence. Evidence had to be factual. What had happened? When he...

"Mom was really angry any time I wanted to hi train with you. She said I should study and not worry about being a brainless brute."

ChiChi squeezed her eyes shut her did not answer. No matter what she said NOW, she couldn't argue that, yes, she'd said that in the past. That was the hardest part of this—while she'd had good intentions, hearing it now, with a new outlook, hurt.

But all they could do was press forward.

"And if I did what she wanted, she'd smile and laugh and be happy." Fingering the fur of his tail, he mused. "I just wanted her to like me. I thought she'd be proud of me when I mastered Super Saiyan but instead she got angry because I wasn't the black haired little boy anymore. And when you didn't come home right away after Freeza, I thought I did something wrong."

Goku waited and ChiChi waited. When Gohan didn't add anything else, Goku asked. "And what's happened to make you think our love won't change?"

Gohan spoke out, "Mom said she was sorry she used to act that way. She said that she shouldn't have acted like she did. She started to ask me what I wanted and ate listened. She watched me paint yesterday for a long time. You always tol' me you'd always be proud of me, Daddy. You always would tell me what I was doing better at in training. You'd listen to me talk about my books I liked or about what I saw new." He added "And you said if you'd come home right away, you were scared you would have hurt us." He looked down.

Quiet once more.

"Okay." ChiChi gently pushed her son's hair back. "So, knowing all that, what makes more sense?"

Gohan managed a small smile. "That you two love me no matter what we go through or what I do. That a new baby is a change but some things don't change."

Goku laid back against the headboard and Gohan curled into his side. "So, when you get those thoughts, what's something you can change them to that makes more sense?" He felt he'd gotten pretty good at this even if it had to be done very frequently. It hurt his heart each time but Ms. Naoru had said that repetitive reminders and constant exercises was how thoughts changed. Gohan got frustrated occasionally but Goku kept at it.

He wouldn't let his boy get away without treating a wound that was infected and this was just the same.

Gohan was quiet, relishing in just lying against his father's chest. It was always difficult muscling through those thoughts and applying evidence and logic but he had to admit, they worked. This part—coming up with a new thought to replace the old one—took a bit of configuring. However, after some time considering what he'd said, Gohan stated,

"When things change, it's scary but Mom and Daddy will always love me." He added, "They might be busy, or stressed but they'll find time for me. I just have to be patient." He considered "And always remember there might be another reason." That last one was most important. When riled up or scared or frustrated, jumping with the first emotional response was easy. But it rarely ended well.

Him letting it gather and simmer didn't help either. All things he needed to fix, needed to do. Maybe some reminders? That would make it easier. Hard to think straight when you felt so overwhelmed.

But there was something he could do right now.

"Can I see the picture of my brother?"

ChiChi and Goku smiled and placing her hands on his shoulders, the mother asked, "Are you sure, Gohan? If you're not ready yet, it's okay."

Nodding, Gohan said. "I'm ready. I can...I want to see my brother."

After a moment delay but with a nod from Goku, ChiChi pulled a folder from the side table, maneuvering the flaps open before pulling a colored photo between the group of three.

Gohan looked at it for a long time. It was odd, seeing it. What they'd been talking about for months suddenly had a face, albeit a weird looking face. He could feel those thoughts brewing, festering but he pushed them back withWhen things change, it's scary but Mom and Daddy will always love me.

Now, faced with the boy growing inside his mother, an odd feeling stirred in his heart. Just like he loved and looked up to his parents, to Yamcha, to Krillin.

Would this boy do the same for him?

It was an utterly alien feeling. The prospect that someone might look to HIM with the awe and respect that he always tried to reflect.

"Do you think he'll like me?"

A warm laugh next to his ear and ChiChi squeezed him. "Oh, sweetie, he'll love you."

Goku grinned. "Might drive you a bit up the wall sometimes but he's going to love you. He's gonna be a real lucky kid, gettin' someone like you for a big brother!"

Big Brother. Such an odd thought and yet, for once, Gohan didn't feel a rejection at such a thing. Someone looking up to HIM—self pride still felt wrong so often but now, he allowed himself to savor it a moment.

Gently passing the photo back to his mother, he paused, a moment longer, staring at her rounded belly. Before he lost his nerve, he stretched a hand outward, "Can I?"

Eyes shimmering, ChiChi gently guided her son's hand to rest on her stomach, as Goku gently placed his own over Gohan's. At first, nothing but then it was a light pressure, a low push against his palm.

Gohan squeaked, a bit. "Is that him?" It was odd. This, out of all things, suddenly made everything real. "Is that my brother?"

Goku smiled, gently guided the boy's hand after the motion. "Yep. See? He's happy 'cause he knows it's his brother."

Happy? Happy because of him?

ChiChi leaned over and lightly kissed her son's head. "He's been wanting to meet you for a while. But he's patient. He knew you loved him just like he loves you."

"But he doesn't know me yet."

"Don't need to." Goku leaned over and pressed his cheek against his son's. "He knows your his big brother. That's all he needs to know."

Gohan stayed quiet, just savoring the odd movement against his palm. Thus little life was going to be HIS brother. His little life to help, to guide.

To protect.

For the first time since that morning meal all those months ago, Gohan's heart felt light. Not happy or at least not JUST happy.

Was he...

Excited?

"...hi Baby Brother. My name's Gohan."

Chapter 42

Chapter Text

"Hey Goku!"

The Saiyan turned, his arms full of canvas, paper, glue, paint and plastic wrap. He held a handful of paintbrushes in his mouth. "Mmh?"

Despite herself, ChiChi laughed. "Maybe I should ask Bulma to call back later."

Shaking his head, Goku tilted his head to the side, gesturing to his chin and ear. Shaking her head with a laugh, ChiChi slipped the phone into one of the few spaces on his shoulder. He leaned in and mouthed "Mmh?" Into the speaker.

Bulma laughed herself on the other end. "Goku, are you busy?" The Saiyan shook his head back and forth, a habit even though he knew she couldn't see him. But both ChiChi and Gohan did that too so he didn't think it was that weird.

"I finally managed to pry some information out of Vegeta. Remember you asked me why Gohan's tail suddenly grew back?"

"Mm-mm."

"Oh, Vegeta was kinda huffy about it. I think he misses his more than he likes to admit. But anyway, he said that tails are linked to strength and bonding. So, since Gohan is going through so much, his body might have thought that he needed more strength. You said he broke down even at Super Saiyan 2, right?"

"Mmm hmm."

"So, it's probably his body reacting to the stress, trying to help him. Least now you have an answer for him."

"Mm hmm."

Bulma laughed again. "Good talking to you, Goku. I'll try you guys later." The click of the phone sounded and Goku turned back to his wife.

She reached up, removed the phone then pulled the brushes from Goku's mouth. "What did she say?"

"Said his body's trying to help him so his tail grew back. Said it can happen when you're stressed even in your strongest form or somethin'." Smiling, Goku advised, "So, normal, I guess."

ChiChi looked him up and down, "And what exactly are YOU up to?"

Grinning, the Saiyan said, "Tol' ya that Gohan and I are workin' on a project. We'll show ya later, 'Kay?"

Shaking her head, ChiChi gave him a peck on the cheek. "Alright, keep your secrets. But be careful."

"Always!" He took the brushes back in his teeth then darted outside, making his way across the yard, through the bamboo and finally stopping under the trees. The opening was a familiar one—he'd cut the tree down a while ago and so the remaining stump provided a nice surface for what they needed.

His son was lying belly down on the tree remains, tail swaying back and forth as he watched the birds and other animals dart to and fro. Hearing the crunch of grass, the boy turned, giggled.

"Daddy, I coulda helped you!" He walked over, taking the handful of paint bottles and paper from his father's hand, freeing Goku to remove the paint brushes from his mouth. The Saiyan followed, laying the supplies down on the large tree trunk as his son scrambled to make space. "What's all this for, anyway, Daddy?"

"A lotta things." Goku sat down and pulled a small stack of canvas. He handed three of them to Gohan. "That's for you to make reminders for yourself."

"Reminders?"

"Yep. To stop. To think. To consider other angles. Might help you when you're all overwhelmed." He gently ruffled the boy's hair. "That way you can remember if you can't find me or Mom."

Gohan looked down at the sheets. "Oh, so we'll put 'em in my room and stuff?"

"Anywhere you think you need 'em." Goku produced another paper, a bit longer. "I want you to do the stuff that makes you calm down and feel better on this one. We'll put it up too." He winked at his son "I betcha thought your ol' man was half awake in those sessions, eh? Nope!"

Gohan considered, thinking. "Do I hafta write it out?"

"Write it, draw it, sing it, whatever will help you." Goku grinned. "I thought you might like to make it into a cool like comic or somethin'." He pondered, tapping his chin "Or those collages that you used to do and we'd put 'em on the fridge."

Grinning right back, Gohan looked at his options. The canvas was large and his father had included a huge range of paints and colors. It could certainly be as creative as he wanted. The prospect of putting down everything he could think of to help when he felt like he was losing footing was something they had discussed a few times but had not yet done. He'd assumed it would just be a straight up list, almost like a check sheet but he liked this a whole lot better.

Besides, a picture was a lot easier to process when you were upset than words!

Picking up a brush, Gohan started.

OOO

Goku watched his son for a while. The boy always looked so relaxed when he was drawing or painting. It kind of reminded him of when Gohan was little and how involved he would get in a project.

There was a slight difference though. Gohan was slightly reserved, being cautious over his clothes and the paints. Understandable maybe but Goku hated any time his son felt the need to censor himself. Everything that had been happening only served to reinforce that belief.

"Hey, Gohan!"

The boy stopped, looked up at him, "Yeah?"

"It's good weather right now, take off your shirt and shorts so you don't have to worry about gettin' 'em dirty. We'll soak in the old barrel tub before we go in, okay?"

As he spoke, Goku stripped off his own outer clothes, just leaving his boxers and his undershirt. After a moment's pause, his son did the same (though he moved their clothes to hang on a tree branch not too far away). Goku returned to his own projects—something he'd been brainstorming on for several days.

They'd talked about needing to know when to ask for help, when to let each other know that they were reaching a boiling or breaking point. Much as Goku never had trouble just outright saying it, Gohan and ChiChi sometimes struggled. So, he was determined to find a means of making it easier, of making it obvious when they needed to get help without reducing it to "well, you just need to say it!"

That's one thing Bulma had said the other day and as much as Goku loved her and truly treasured her intellect, sometimes he pondered if she was as smart as she declared.

If it was THAT easy, they woulda done that by now!

He understood that she was trying to help but that was about as helpful as telling a toddler Gohan in mid-tantrum to "calm down." Just didn't work.

But maybe this would help. He could certainly give it his best shot and if Gohan was helping him to make it, maybe it would courage him to use it. Goku was learning almost as much as his son was.

"Yie!" Goku yelped suddenly and sat up, pulling at the ache in his finger. It took a moment but a large splinter worked its way out of his skin. All things considered, it wasn't that painful—more surprising—but it certainly caught Gohan's eye.

"Those hurt, Daddy." He said with all the authority afforded him by his eleven years. "That was a long one! How'd you get that?!"

Goku laughed, shaking his hand out. "Probably making a rocking chair for your mom. It always takes a few nicks out of me."

Gohan eyed him. "You're making a new one. What about the one still in the living room?"

Goku let a warm smile spread over his face. "That's yours. If you wanna share it, that's nice but that's yours, little man." He added, "I made that one for your mom when she was carrying you."

A low blush but one of happiness and worth took Gohan's face. Maybe it was a silly thing but the gesture itself meant so much to him. While he felt more excited about the prospect of the baby than before, it was still...a light to his heart knowing the baby wouldn't get the old chair he used to cuddle with Mom or Daddy in.

"Same reason Mom wanted to get a lot of baby stuff the other day," Goku went on. "Sure, we still have your ol' baby clothes and toys but those are yours. 'Til you tell us otherwise."

"...thank you, Daddy."

The Saiyan reached over, ruffled his son's hair. "I know it seems like we're gonna he buying a lot of stuff for the the baby but you get some stuff too. But you're gonna hafta tell us."

Gohan perked up suddenly.

Goku read those eyes "Oh, you got something in mind?"

A low smile that spread from ear to ear took the boy's face. "Maybe...and it doesn't even cost any money, Daddy!"

Goku raised a brow at him, intrigued. "Oh? Well, lay it on me then!"

"I wanna learn Instant Transmission."

Chapter 43

Chapter Text

"Instant transmission?"

Gohan nodded, firm and sure. "Yeah! You taught me the Kamehameha in the Time Chamber, I learned the masenko from Piccolo and Krillin taught me the kienzan. But I wanna learn THAT move."

Goku laughed, a bit. "Okay but why that move?"

"Why?" Gohan seemed aghast, as if simply asking such a question was absurd. "Cause it's cool, Daddy!"

Why he was expecting a deeper answer than that, Goku really wasn't sure. Maybe because of everything they had endured. But the prospect made him laugh all the same. "That's it? Because it's 'cool'?" Well, his son WAS just a boy and what a wonderful feeling that was—to see his child ACT like a child instead of as if the entire world was resting on his shoulders.

It should never have had to be that way.

"Well, and I think you could do a lot of stuff with it. You use it all the time. I wanna be able to do that!" He paused, tapped his paint brush tip against his face, ignoring the smears of red it was polishing over his cheek. "Please, Daddy?"

Well, much as Goku could be hard and firm when he needed to be, a version of his son currently swaying his tail back and forth, half painting his own face and protruding his lip far more than he needed to was proving quite hard to resist. Maybe it would be more helpful than he thought!

"Well...it's not an easy thing to accomplish." Goku began.

Gohan sat up, setting his brush down. "I know it won't be easy Daddy. It was hard for you but I wanna do it! Gives me something to strive for!"

"Slow down, little speed demon!" Reaching out, he took a dap of yellow paint and dotted his son's nose with it. "I didn't say no, did I?"

"...no. You didn't." Grin spreading, Gohan asked, tail swaying, "So is that a yes?"

Flopping back next to his own projects, Goku teasingly remarked, "Well, I dunno..."

"Daddy!" Gohan pounced over, landing in his father's lap. Planting hands already smeared in paint on the man's chest, he demanded. "Stop teasin' me!"

"Hey! I'M the one teasin'?" Goku grinned, "Sure wasn't me pullin' a puppy dog face, was it?"

Pouting again, Gohan half crumbled, spraying himself across his father's lap, face buried in the man's thigh as he remarked, "Daddy's mean!" In an entirely too exaggerated vocal tone that felt almost alien because of how long it had been since he used it. For extra good measure, he twapped his tail on the ground once.

That felt so good to hear!

Rolling his eyes though with a smile, Goku caught the tip of the boy's tail and gently tickled it until he got a low giggle that Gohan tried to smother with little success. It had been a while since they could just goof around like this.

Rolling onto his back, Gohan relented, "Okay, maybe Daddy isn't THAT mean."

Giving the boy a gentle dig to the ribs, Goku retorted "Well, so glad we cleared that up." He waited a moment then added "Maybe instant transmission would be good for you to learn actually."

Gohan tilted his head, intrigued and hopeful. "Really?"

Nodding with seriousness in his eyes, Goku clarified. "Instant transmission is different from those other techniques. There's a different approach to it. For attacks, you manipulate ki. To use Instant Transmission, you hafta understand and interpret ki." He eyed his son and gently pressed his nose, leaving a new paint smear in its wake. "Takes some spiritual soul searching to get the hang of it. That's kinda what you and Mom have started doin' right?"

Gohan gave a nod. "Yeah, in a way. We're looking over thoughts and behaviors and stuff and changing the ones that hurt."

Goku smiled, "You're doin' pretty good at that too." He ruffled the boy's hair a moment. "So this'll be kinda like that but...different too." He scratched his temple. "It's kinda hard to explain."

Gohan just wrapped his arms around his father's neck. "So...you'll show me? You'll teach me?"

Goku took on a stern look "Long as you keep workin' hard on this," he gently tapped the boy's temple and then just over his heart, "I think I can teach you."

"Yes!" Gohan grinned, brightly. "You're the best Daddy ever!"

Goku shook his head and responded with a laugh, "How many Daddies do you know?"

"Enough to know you're the best!" Came the cheeky response.

Goku smiled again, adding "Well, it'll take us a bit for you to really get the hang of it. 'Member how hard Super Saiyan was? I don't want you half killin' yourself like in the Time Chamber, okay?"

Gohan pouted but he couldn't exactly argue solid facts. He HAD poured himself so much into that training that he was in solid pain for hours at night. Daddy had finally put a stop to him all but murdering his body but Gohan's stubbornness had continued to manifest—just in different ways.

It had finally come to a head when he'd ventured out into the whiteness against his father's advice and nearly died in the process (he was pretty sure that had contributed to him getting a fever) and the utter fear in his father's eyes when they finally found one another again had done more than any punishment would.

Not that there wasn't one of those too.

So, Daddy's request carried more weight now than it would have a year ago and Gohan hoped that was reflected in his answer. He kept strong eyes on his father as he nodded, "I know now, Daddy. And...well, I'm supposed to work on the not-perfection stuff anyway, right?"

With a slight squeeze, Goku replied, "That's right. So guess this'll be a good exercise for all of us, huh?"

With a nod that was equal parts enthusiasm and anticipation, Gohan asked "Can we start now?"

Laughing a bit, Goku shook his head. "We needa finish this first." He gestured time their layers of canvas. Gohan looked over his father's and the confusion on his face forced another laugh from Goku. "Maybe you can help me make it look better?"

Planting himself next to his father, Gohan asked, "What were you tryin' for, Daddy?"

"A mountain and the ocean." He answered simply. "Paintin' has never been my strong point. Think you can fix 'em up for me?"

Snorting a little but without much other verbalization, Gohan considered the projects before him. One had the cone shape obviously meant to serve as the base and the other had splotches of blue paint. "I think I can help out, Daddy"

"Good! Knew you could! And later, we'll go get some rocks and shells and stuff. Stop by the sea and some mountains up north a little bit! You'd like that, right?"

Eyeing his father with curiosity, Gohan asked. "Why?" Not wanting to look rude, he added "I mean, yeah! I'd love to go around to the ocean but...why? Why shells and rocks?"

"Cause I need little baskets or somethin' to hold things." He said this plainly as if it explained all other details. "And things to put IN the baskets."

Gohan was just more confused. "Daddy, what are you makin' that needs all that?" He eyed the canvas. "What're you makin'?"

"Somethin' to help you and your mom. I betcha you and I can get it done for tomorrow and then we'll show it off!" Ruffling the boy's hair again, Goku promised "Then I'll let ya know what it is."

What an odd circumstance! To be working on a project without knowing the end product?! Yet, there was an excitement about it as well. Much like Gohan had been discussing with Ms. Naoru—it was the journey to be praised, not the destination.

That was hard. Harder than he liked to admit, even now, he was trying to focus on what his dad could possibly be up to help make the best end result.

"Stop that."

Looking up, Gohan was met with the soft but stern tone of his father. "I can tell you're tryin' to click all the boxes or see what would be the best thing to focus on to make it the best of the best of the best—stop it." Goku pulled the boy into his side and Gohan settled on the man's thigh. "I know that's hard for you. You struggle in the meetings with Ms. Naoru when she makes ya focus on that."

Nodding, Gohan looked at him, "Is that why you're not tellin' me?"

"Sorta. Other reason too but yeah. But you and I are gonna have fun gettin' the stuff and paintin' and writin' and you're gonna like the DOIN' not just the end." Eyes warm, he said, "You think you can do that?"

Gohan paused, reached over and pulled up his small collage he'd made of ways to calm his anxieties and with a sharp nod, said, "Let's do this then, Daddy."

Chapter 44

Chapter Text

"Can we look now?"

A bumbling laugh, "Not yet, not yet!"

They must have been a sight—Goku walking slowly with his hands firmly planted over his wife and son's eyes. They were all really good sports about it though. ChiChi had to go a little slower because of the growing baby but she indulged her husband. He had been so excited, stating that he'd finished something to help them both. Knowing how creative and unorthodox he could be, her curiosity was sufficiently whetted.

As for Gohan, well, he was still a boy and boys were drawn to surprises like moths to a flame. There wasn't much to be surprised about, far as a Gohan thought though because he'd helped his father make all the artwork yesterday and he KNEW that had something to do with this, but he was excited nonetheless!

After a few moments longer than was necessary, Goku giggled and removed his hands. "Okay, take a look!"

Opening his eyes, Gohan blinked, taking in the new additions that had been put up along the living room wall. He recognized one as the reddish mountain he had made with his father's help and the other was the cool ocean, complete with layers—getting gradually darker and darker. But now, the mountain portrait had small clay cup holders in it, at random levels. The ocean display had similar in tiny little nets.

Below both on the table where they put keys, loose change and other things were two baskets. One was filled with the odd shaped rocks they'd found and painted all kinds of shades and the other was filled with the sea shells that they'd given the same treatment.

At the odd silence, Goku felt inclined to explain. "Gohan helped paint the scenery. He did real good, didn't he?"

Cheeks red, Gohan smiled nonetheless when Mom said "He has a real eye for that."

"Well, remember when we were talkin' the other night and you two tol' me that sometimes it's hard to say when you're feelin' somethin' or how bad you're feelin' it?" Goku pointed behind him. "That's what these are for."

Gohan and ChiChi exchanged glances, quiet and unsure before ChiChi asked "Oh? How do that work then?"

Goku pulled a handful of the rocks from basket and pointed to the little cups. "Well, the therapist lady of yours said that anger built like a volcano right? And you've been learning how to tell when it's building but sometimes it's hard for you to say. Well, now, you don't hafta say. You just—" he dropped a rock in one of the cups "And then come hand me or Gohan another rock to tell us. And we can see where you're at when the words don't work so good."

ChiChi considered this with a warm smile. It WOULD be her a Goku that decided if words didn't work then use something else. That was a hard concept for a lot of people but not her Goku. His response to any barrier was to either plow through it or find a way around it. Reaching out, she took a rock from his hand and approached the mountain picture. "So if I feel myself starting to boil over, I put it around the level I feel," she slipped one into the cup at the lowest level "And then give you one?"

Nodding, Goku clarified. "Yep! Then that'll tell me I needa come check the rocks and see what you're feeling. That way if you don't feel like you can talk right now, I can still help you!"

Smiling brightly, ChiChi gave him a peck to the cheek. "You're so sweet. Was this your idea?"

"Yeah. Last time I went with Gohan, the therapist-lady said sometimes it's harder to put feelings into words. But this way you don't have to and I'll know you need some help."

Gohan looked over the ocean board himself. It made sense, total sense and he remembered the exact conversation his father was referencing. She'd talked about how sometimes we ignored what we thought were little things but they could build and build and build until it only took one thing to make you feel overwhelmed. That was his real problem—feeling overwhelmed, feeling insignificant. Hence, the ocean.

It was a good thought though, the more he considered it. Sometimes, especially for him, words WERE hard when he was feeling so much at once but he could re-center and re-focus if he could get help. Sometimes it was just something to distract him, sometimes it needed to be something physical.

But without a doubt, the hardest part was the asking. The recognizing. He was getting better at the latter and the prospect of being able to just hand over a shell, no explanation, felt...well, freeing.

Smiling at his father, he stretched up and put his shell in the highest basket. For him, the deeper in the ocean you went, the more he needed help but right now...he was good. "So this was what all your little projects yesterday were, huh?"

Grinning sheepishly, Goku admitted "Guilty." Turning a bit more serious, he pulled Gohan up to rest on his hip and wrapped his other arm around his wife. "I wanna help. However I can. And if that means makin' it easier for you to ask...well, that's what we'll do."

ChiChi shook her head but with affection and hugged him tight, accidentally squeezing Gohan's leg in between them (though it didn't seem to bother him.) After a moment, she suddenly jerked back, surprised and put her hand to her stomach.

Gohan reached down and rubbed his leg. "Hey! Little Brother kicked me! THROUGH Mom's stomach! Doesn't that hurt?"

ChiChi chuckled, "A little bit. Maybe he wanted in on the hug too?"

Goku laughed and laid his hand on his wife's belly. The baby inside stirred some and Goku squeaked like a small bird. "Guess so!"

Gohan looked at the rounded belly with slight apprehension but quickly disrupted it. Hugging tight to his father, he asked "So...how much longer is he gonna be in there, Mom?"

Happy, smiling and bright in the face, ChiChi answered, "Well, we're just startin' to see fall, right?"

Gohan nodded "It's starting to cool off and I bet the leaves are gonna change soon! Maybe we'll get one or two more storms?"

Goku grinned and ruffled the boy's hair "I think the rains are come and gone but you never know."

ChiChi let them converse a bit then said "Well, your brother should be coming about the start of winter, around December. Unless he's like you and stays in a few more weeks!"

Gohan considered that. Time was wearing on but he felt more...okay with it. Not what he would call happy with it but okay. Content. It was kind of nice to see his parents happy and excited and being able to at least be happy with them.

Especially after the fiasco he'd started with the baby shower. He still felt bad about that. But maybe...

"Hey, lemme down, Daddy." He added "Please?"

Goku complied and the boy turned to him "Can I call Bulma and ask her about that personal time she promised me?"

ChiChi laughed "She promised to spoil you too? I thought it was just Yamcha and Krillin."

Giving her his best smile which was nothing to sneeze at, Gohan gently pushed his father "Bulma says they hafta make up for the four years they didn't know I was around. And I could pick up some stuff the baby needs."

Goku eyed him, "What're you planning?"

"Nothin'!" He pouted "I just thought it'd give you guys some time together and maybe I could help but ..."

ChiChi reached over, gave him a tight squeeze "Go on and bug Bulma. Maybe a date day would be good for me and your father."

Gohan didn't wait to hear otherwise, darting to the phone in the kitchen. Goku leaned over, whispered to ChiChi "Chances he's up to somethin'?"

"Hundred percent." She looked up, grinned. "But let him think he's bein' clever."

If Gohan was privy to their talk, he made no mention of it but as soon as Bulma answered, he said "Bulma, I got a special project. Think you can help?"

Chapter 45

Chapter Text

"Better?"

ChiChi stopped, took a deep inhale and handed the stone back to Goku in answer. He took her hand, pulled her close and the two nearly merged into one with how close they became. They were both sweaty, dirty and a tangled mess of emotions and muscles but the closeness mattered more than anything else.

"Been a long time but it helps." ChiChi flexed her wrist a bit. Anger and frustration built up easily lately but she found that Goku's little stone system was very helpful. If she felt too frustrated or angry or irritable to talk, he would know by the delivery of the stone and would find a way to help her expel that energy so they could talk.

Sparring (or rather her throwing punches and Goku catching them) had become a recent activity and she'd forgotten how much of a release it could be. By the time they'd gone a good ten minutes, she was exhausted but her mind felt clear. She conveyed as much, pulling back from her husband.

"I'm glad it helps!" Goku's smile, as per usual, was infectious. The man was impossible to stay angry at and the way he put her and Gohan before everything else made her warm throughout her body. "Did you wanna talk now?"

She considered "Is Gohan back from Bulma's yet?"

Goku stopped, felt out with his ki then shook his head. "Nope. I can still feel him dartin' around Capsule Corp."

ChiChi nodded, "Let's take a walk then, by the lake."

Goku was always down for a trip through the mountain so after grabbing a water bottle for each of them, the couple headed off. The trees passed overhead and a few animals jolted across the path but otherwise, they were alone.

"I'm feeling a little let down," she finally said.

Goku eyed her, "Let down?"

She nodded, a low color to her cheeks. "It's a silly thing but well, I guess I've been thinking about the party at Bulma's and...I don't blame Gohan but I'm still upset that it got ruined." She smiled a little "He apologized to me so many times for it but...well, the party was still ruined, whether he wanted it to be or not."

Goku considered. "I'm sorry," he finally said.

Shaking her head, she remarked "Don't be. Like I said, I don't blame Gohan. Especially now that I've learned all this stuff about how emotions and the brain and everything process. The way he blanked—he couldn't have processed right then if he wanted to. It just makes me sad." Her eyes lowered "If I'd known then what we know now, we could have made it so much easier for him."

"I know. But at least we know now." Goku pouted. "I don't like it when you're sad. Can I make you happy?"

Laughing, she gently pushed his shoulder, "Goku, you always make me happy. 'Cause you're you." She eyed him, though with a soft edge to her eyes. "I'm not asking you to fix it, Goku." She paused, considered. "Didn't Gohan's therapist bring that up?"

He stopped, rubbed his chin a moment "Oh. This is a "just listen" moment!" He grinned, pleased with himself for recalling that term. Gohan's therapist had indeed mentioned it several times—sometimes, people just needed to talk about their emotions so that they were not bottled up. It didn't mean they wanted an answer or advice or anything like that. They just needed a listening ear. That was a hard concept for Goku because if someone he loved was hurting, then naturally he wanted to fix it.

But this wasn't one of those times. "This is a listening moment," he repeated, hooking his wife's elbow with his arm.

Nodding, with a smile, ChiChi laid her head on his shoulder. "Yes. Just listen. I don't need Gohan to feel bad about it because I already know he does. He's apologized so much for it. It wouldn't do any good to bring it up to him. He already knows it hurt me. I already know that wasn't his intent. I just...needed to vent some."

Goku smiled at her, gently rubbed her shoulder as they came upon the lake. Shifting to sit side by side, the two removed their shoes and slid their feet into the cool water.

"Ooo!" ChiChi laughed a bit "Autumn is definitely here!" But she leaned back a bit on her elbows and sighed happily. "Hard to believe, just a few more months and we'll be a family of four!"

Goku smiled, rolled onto his side and looked at her. He'd not seen her so happy in a long time. That was the look he wanted to see on her all the time—glowing, enthusiastic, at ease, happy. So much had happened that he'd nearly forgotten how wonderful just these tiny moments could be—just the two of them and the mountain.

A low giggle snapped him outta his thoughts. ChiChi was laughing at him, but that girlish giggle that he used to hear when they first got married. She'd pushed it aside for so long. So focused on being the perfect mother, the perfect wife. He still remembered when she'd said she didn't like it because her accent coated it and she would snort sometimes.

"What are you starin' at, Goku?" She laughed again.

"Do that giggle again, Chi." He grinned. "I like the giggle."

Her face flushed and she protested "That giggle makes me sound like a pig."

Goku shook his head and gently wrapped his arms around her, letting his hands rest on her belly. The baby stirred a little but not much. "Does not. And even if it did, pigs are cute."

ChiChi gave him a half-hearted glare but couldn't find the gumption to be mad. She knew what he meant. So, she relaxed instead, against his chest. "You're a tease."

"Nu-Uh," he insisted with a grin. "Not me!"

Reaching up and flicking his hair out of his eyes a moment, she insisted, "Oh, yes, you are." She snuggled back a bit and if Goku's hands would shift occasionally from her stomach to her breasts then that was not something she was going to protest.

"Been thinking a lot ChiChi," he said simply. "All this stuff with the therapists and Gohan and everything...I guess I used to just think you knew stuff so I wouldn't think I needed to ask or tell you. But I'm tryin' to stop doin' that."

The human woman smiled, "Well, I think all of us had some communication issues, including me. Maybe you just assumed things but so did I. So did Gohan. But we're doing better." She waved one of Goku's painted stones. "These help. Gohan been using his?"

"A little bit. We did some sparrin' the other day but he also tol' me he just wanted to sit with me. So, we did. He asked you for anything yet?"

She shook her head, "No but I expect that. He's startin' to talk with me more...just to talk and connect." She smiled again despite a hint of sadness. "You and Gohan have a bond, Goku. Me and him...we used to have one, when he was a little thing. But life changed that. Changed us." She reached up, tweaked his nose. "So, we're making a new bond. And it's goin' good!" She expanded her smile a little "Just is gonna take some time but that's okay."

Goku nodded, rested his head against hers, cheek to cheek. "Good. I want both of you, happy. You just tell me what you need." He rubbed the back of his head a moment. "Sometimes I'm kinda clueless when you just give me hints. Even if I'm tryin'."

"I know. But that's part of what makes you you and I love you." ChiChi reached upward again and planted a kiss by his ear before stopping and whispering to him in a low tone.

Goku blinked. "Oh. But...won't that hurt the baby?"

With a sly grin, ChiChi shook her head, "I promise it won't, Goku. And you oughta know I'm not made of glass."

Goku laughed. "That's true. You sure ain't that!" He paused, reached out with his ki. Nope, Gohan was still busy with Bulma and it felt like there were a few other folks there. They'd be busy a while.

That time, when he wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her back, his hands purposely cupped something besides her belly.

Chapter 46

Chapter Text

"It's a little unusual for you to ask to see me alone, Gohan."

The boy nodded, smiled up at the woman before him. He had grown accustomed to these sessions by now. She was right though, despite having been coming for quite some time, he still felt best and most at ease when his father came in with him. Today though, he'd asked to go alone.

"Yeah, I guess this is the first time, huh?"

Ms. Naoru nodded, "Near as I can recollect. Any particular reason why?"

"I wanted your opinion on something and if it goes the way I want, I want it to be a surprise. So, I can't tell Daddy." He eyed her, nervously, "Can we keep this a secret?"

She eyed him, considering his answer. "Well, so long as it's not dangerous to you or anyone else, everything said in here stays in here." She eyed him, "So, what has been on your mind, Gohan?"

He looked down at his fingers. "The baby shower. When I…ran out and ruined everything." He'd told her about this before, not long after he first started sessions. It had been firm on his mind then and despite all his success, it remained there.

The woman did not comment, just nodded, indicating him to continue.

"I told Mom that I was sorry and she said she forgave me but I still feel bad."

Ms. Naoru nodded, "Well, why don't we touch on that?" She offered. "What is it that you feel bad about?"

He stared at her, "Well, I…I ruined it. I heard it was a boy and I ran out, I totally ruined Bulma's wall, Daddy had to come after me and it was supposed to be something fun! We were supposed to be celebrating but I ruined it!"

"So, what I'm hearing is that you think you should have acted differently?" She asked, softly.

"Well, yeah. But I didn't." He lowered his eyes. "I should have and I didn't."

The woman considered before she went on, "Gohan, as I recall, didn't you tell me that when you heard 'baby boy' you feel like everything went blank? That you could no longer see, no longer hear, it was just solid white?"

Nodding in response, Gohan replied, "Yeah. It was…I was scared and afraid and angry and all kinds of things but it was like I wasn't there but I was there. It felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get away and I just chose the fastest way—"

"Did you realize you were plowing through walls?"

Gohan, again, paused, thought back. "…no. I mean, looking back on it, I—"

"I'm not talking about in retrospect." She clarified gently. "I mean, in the moment, did you realize that by running away you were destroying walls?"

The boy sat there, quiet, considering. With everything that had happened, he could still picture that moment perfectly. He shook his head back and forth. "But that's silly. I mean, I was in a room, how could I not know that?"

"Well, we have a term for that, Gohan."

The boy looked at her, eyes hungry for explanation. "You do?"

She nodded, "We call it disassociation. Do you know what that is?"

Thinking, Gohan pondered it. He had heard the word, though only in select movies or books. "Isn't that what happens when people with PTSD think they're back in whatever gave them PTSD?"

She smiled, "It can be, yes. Flashbacks are certainly a form of disassociation. They are not the only form though. Dissassociation is when the mind, well, distances itself. Sometimes from emotions, sometimes from situations, sometimes from people. A lot of times people can't recall what happened when they disassociate or they might have limited recollection. Like, you said that while you could still feel and understand how you were feeling inside, you couldn't see or hear or get anything from outside yourself, could you?"

Gohan shook his head, "No. And that was scary too."

"I'm sure it was. Tell me, Gohan. You've got a good mind for things like this. Why do you think you disassociated?"

Going quiet for a long moment, Gohan considered, rocking slightly back and forth. He'd found that kind of thing helped when he was nervous as did holding his tail so he gathered the furry appendage in his hand as he processed what Ms. Naoru had said. After what seemed like a very long time to him, he said softly, "I…I dunno. I'm sorry."

"Why be sorry?" She asked. "How do we learn? By knowing it all?"

He smiled again. That had become a common phrase at home when he was slipping into perfectionism again. "No. We learn by asking. And I don't know this one."

"Well, then let's fix that, shall we?" She paused, said, "As with everything, there can be a lot of reasons people disassociate but I think in your case, it was pretty simple—protection."

"Protection?"

She nodded firmly. "Our brains are rather bothersome at times but they always have one key goal—keep us alive. If it can't do that physically, it will try to do so mentally. Most of us grow up hearing 'fight or flight."

Gohan nodded. Even before the whole mess of his childhood happened, he knew that phrase. "Yeah, we all have it. Animals and us."

"Well, you should know that it's actually fight, flight, or freeze."

Gohan blinked at her. "Or freeze?"

Another nod. "Or freeze. Fight and flight are the first responses because they are the most likely to be successful. But if neither one of those are the best options, the brain shuts us down, keeps us still, keeps us small."

Now this Gohan could understand. "When I was in the wilderness, the first time a snake crawled on me, I froze." He had not thought about that in a long time. Seemed so silly that there used to be a time when a snake would have scared him. "I guess I was trying to stay safe, without even knowing it." Somehow, that knowledge was not as comforting as he thought it should have been. "But…I still destroyed Mom's party. Shouldn't I have known better? Done better?"

Ms. Naoru took a moment to consider her response. "You live in the mountains, don't you?" She smiled, "With all kinds of animals, am I right?"

Gohan blinked, a bit baffled by the change of topic but given that this woman had yet to fail him, he went along with the conversation. "Yeah, there's all kinds of animals."

Sitting back a bit, she said, "So, tell me—if you were to sneak up on animal while it was sleeping or eating, what would it do?"

Eyeing her with more than a touch of confusion, Gohan remarked, "Bite me, most likely. Or run away."

"And whose fault would that be? Yours or the animal's?"

Gohan frowned, "Well, mine for getting bit. You don't mess with an animal if they're sleepin' or eatin.' They're on alert so of course they're gonna react."

Nodding, Ms. Naoru knelt forward a bit, making them more eye to eye. "Well, I hate to tell you Gohan but you and I are more animalistic than we like to think we are. What you described to me as happening at the party is every single symptom of what we call amygdala hijack."

Blinking, Gohan repeated, "Amygdala hijack?"

Reaching over to her desk, she dug through one of the drawers and pulled out a small poster with what looked like the brain but with different colored sections. "Yes. Do you know what the amygdala is?"

"It's a section inside the brain that controls emotions." He answered. "I used to know more but I didn't completely understand it when I read on it and I think I've forgotten about a lot of it." He pushed down the slight shame he felt at that admission. No…no. He had no reason to feel shame, he reminded himself. The very existence of the charts in front of him told him that even professionals could not always remember. He was not a professional. So, therefore, he wasn't expected to remember all that.

After a few short breaths, he settled and focused.

"That's fine. We'll keep it simple." She reassured him. "And good job doing some mental reframing right now," She gave him a wink of encouragement. "You're right though. It does have a great deal to do with emotions but that's not all it does." She pointed to the small green spot on the picture, probably about the size of her thumbnail. "This is the amygdala. Doesn't look like much does it?"

Shaking his head, Gohan said, "Looks like a pea almost."

"It does, a bit." She agreed. "Well, one of the most important things that this 'pea' does is evaluate danger. When you encounter something dangerous, normally, this little gland starts your adrenaline pumping and gets you ready to fight or flee." She swallowed. "But normally, this," she pointed to the front of the picture, colored in purple, of the large portion of the front of the brain. "This is the frontal lobe. Do you know what the frontal lobe does?"

Nodding firmly, he said, "That's where we do all our rationalization." He added, "Where we do our logical thinking."

"Right. So normally, in a dangerous situation, once the amygdala kicks on, the frontal lobes also kick in. They evaluate, they judge to see what's happening and to see if there is really danger. If there's not, they shut the amygdala off." Simplistic explanation but sufficient for the situation.

Gohan nodded, following that pretty easily.

"But when you've been through a LOT of danger, like you have, we have what we call amygdala hijack. Instead of the frontal lobes kicking on to evaluate danger, they shut off instead. Because, well, in the past, the amygdala has determined that fight or flight was needed more often than not. So, the brain has made its own little short cut. The amygdala…or your emotions…rule instead of fully evaluating the situation. Instead of figuring out if there's danger, it's just assumed there is. And when these," she gestured to the purple section again, "are off, rationalization, calming down, thinking logically…that's all gone." She added, "Sometimes we call it the 'animal brain' because in this state, all you're thinking of-all you're CAPABLE of thinking of- is survival, whether that be escape or fight." She added, "Ever see people on television being brought out of a dangerous situation? They often aren't capable of saying much, just crying or repeating phrases over and over. Because the brain's region that lets you process higher level thinking has been turned off. In fight or flight, it's deemed unnecessary."

Realization settled in Gohan's eyes. "Or freeze if you can't do either."

Smiling with a nod, Ms. Naoru nodded, "Correct. So, at the party, for a multitude of reasons, your brain shut down to protect itself. Once the freeze was deemed no longer useful, flight kicked in." She spoke softly, gently. "And without those frontal lobes to make choices and rationalizations, the body just pumps adrenaline and says 'get away.' That's what you did. So, much as you may not like the idea, you were in no more control at that moment than you are when you jerk your hand away from a hot stove."

"But I wasn't IN any danger!"

"Ah," she raised a finger, to set her point "That's where you're wrong but this is also where SO many people get confused. You weren't in PHYSICAL danger, Gohan. But given what you were going through, given what level of recovery you were at, you were very much in emotional danger, as far as your brain was concerned." Her eyes were focused, serious. "And our brains cannot tell the difference."

Gohan eyed her, a bit surprised. "They…can't?"

Shaking her head, she again went to her desk, this time pulling out a book and flipping through page after page until she finally settled on what she had been seeking out. Opening it up, she pointed to three identical graphs of what Gohan recognized as some kind of brain wave patterns.

Pointing first at the one on the far left, Ms. Naoru said, "Fear."

Then the middle one, "Excitement."

Then the last one, "Anxiety."

Gohan considered this, wholeheartedly. "They're the same."

She nodded, "They are. Because regardless of the cause, the brain prepares the body the same way. Unfortunately, we have given certain emotions like 'excitement' the social okay but things like anger, fear…not so much." She went on, "And an emotional threat to the body is regarded with just as much response as if it were a physical threat."

Handing the book back, Gohan stared at his hands, "But…I still have to take accountability, I still have to take responsibility for what I did…." He trailed off.

The woman was quiet a long moment then said, "Gohan, what is accountability to you?"

He looked up at her. "Well, I guess…admitting what I did and making it right."

"I see. You've already said that you've apologized to your mother, right? And I believe you said that you were working with Bulma about the holes in the wall?"

He nodded.

"And you've never denied that you were the one that caused the damage?"

"No, never. I…it was my doing." He admitted though that the concept and understanding that his body had been reacting, that it had been doing what it felt like it needed to do gave a sense of relief to his heart. Angry and sad and scared as he had been, he didn't feel he would ever want harm to come to anyone celebrating. That wasn't him. "I always agreed with that."

"So, what else must you do to take responsibility?"

He paused, considered, looking down at his hands. "I…I dunno."

"Gohan, if I may, can I make a suggestion to you?"

Nodding fiercely, he looked at her, "Please."

"I don't think what you're suggesting is accountability. What you're suggesting is retribution."

He eyed her, "Retribution?"

"Yes, punishment in simpler terms, given that you have already taken steps to make amends, have admitted to having caused the damage and have reached out to the person you hurt…all you feel left that you can do is call fire and pain down on yourself." She shook her head, "Unfortunately, we usually fall into that when we need not. Tell me this, after what we've discussed today, thinking back to that day, do you think your body would have let you react any differently?"

He went quiet, considered. If nothing else changed, if everything had gone as he had remembered. Shame flooded his face as tears filled his eyes, "No. I mean, I think NOW I could have done something, but back then? Back how I felt then? What I knew and understood then? What my parents knew then? No."

"So, if there was nothing else you could have done, why do you punish yourself so?"

Gohan stayed quiet, soft and somber. "I guess…I feel like someone should pay for it."

"Is it not already being dealt with, as much as it can be?"

A slow, reluctant nod. "I…it is. Much as I can. I can't undo it but I'm doing everything else I can think of." He eyed her. "But…does this mean I'll always do this? That I'll always be a danger to people?"

Taking hold of his hands gently, she replied, "Oh, I think you know the answer to that. Did you not just say that if you were subjected to that situation now, it would be different?"

"..yes."

"Why is that?"

"Well, I'd know it would bother me…and bother me in a really bad way so I wouldn't have gone or I would have gone outside or something."

"Good." She leaned back. "Gohan, just because your brain has learned to automatically react like this, doesn't mean it has to stay that way. What we've been doing, what your parents have been doing with you—that's the first step."

"What is?"

"Recognizing and accepting what you feel for one. Realizing when your moods are deep or shallow. Knowing and asking for help before it gets so deep that your brain interprets danger." She met his eyes, hope and gentleness in her own, "Your brain has developed a shortcut because it still thinks that shortcut is necessary. If we work on getting it to slow down, calm down and refocus when it is feeling a little bit overwhelmed, it will relearn the evaluation process and it will become much easier when it's a LOT overwhelmed."

Counting on his fingers, Gohan suddenly smiled, "Like Daddy's little scale."

"Oh?"

Nodding, he said, "Daddy made a scale for me and Mom, they're in the living room. When I feel a little overwhelmed, I mark the scale and then go hand a symbol to Mom or Dad. Then they can help me. And I can rank high or low depending on what I feel."

"Well, look at that! Your father is a wise man."

Now his smile grew, "Yeah, he is."

She waited a moment then said, "So, where we go from here is up to you, Gohan. If you want to continue to think and feel that you ought to be punished for something your body did entirely on its own, well, that is your choice. But in my experience, clinging to something you cannot change does little but weigh down the present."

The boy considered, thinking, head down, twisting his tail in his hands. Daddy had forgiven so many people throughout his life-people that, by all intents and purposes—did not deserve it.

But wait…what did it mean to DESERVE forgiveness? Daddy had extended it without any such promise from them. It was something Daddy gave, not something they earned. Sure, they went on to do good things with their lives but that wasn't a requirement.

If Daddy could forgive Tien, Piccolo, even Vegeta to some extent…

"Can you help me learn to forgive myself?"

Chapter 47

Chapter Text

Reframe.

Retell.

Reclaim.

Gohan pushed his journal aside, grimacing and rubbing his forehead. He'd lost track of time as of late and it suddenly occurred to him that he had been attacking this self forgiveness thing as if it were a school assignment. As if it had to be done now, and done right and be over with.

Even though Ms. Naoru TOLD him that it would take time, he would backslide and it was okay to take a break from it. She'd even TOLD him to make SURE he took a break from it and didn't drown himself in it.

But he wanted to fix it. He needed to fix it. He...

A surge of anger at himself made Gohan flop his head down on his desk. "Idiot." He shouted to himself, amid the muffled space created by wood and arm. "Idiot Gohan."

He knew this would be hard. He knew it. He also knew, deep down, that he would be digging through lots of emotions towards lots of different people. That was okay, that was normal.

Maybe this was enough for tonight.

Pushing the writing aside, Gohan flopped down on his bed without so much as another thought. For as much as emotional health was beneficial, few people realized how utterly exhausting it could be. He felt as worn as if he had been training all day except the weariness was in his mind, leaving him fuzzy and heavy as lead.

Sleep.

"What are you, a coward?"

The accusation stung and Gohan wasn't sure if his inability to move was spurred by the absolute wreck his body was or the weight his father's words suddenly piled on his heart. A coward? Daddy thought he was a coward?

Has he said coward? Or had it been some other word? Jackass? Moron? Idiot? Did it even matter? Daddy had always been rock, the one he could always rely on. He'd never raised his voice at him and now...now...

The disappointment felt like would drown him and when Goku turned to look at him, the elder man's face was twisted, snarled into a frightening glare, a scowl that made the boy's stomach sink.

"Coward. Fool. Moron."

The entire landscape shattered away, fell apart like broken glass.

"He does not wish to be brought back. He will return under his own time."

The thundering voice of Shenlong cut his heart. Not come back? Why? Why wouldn't he want to come back? Was there something wrong with them? Was there something wrong with HIM?

Why didn't he want to come home? Surely, after that mess in Namek, he would he anxious to rush back to Mount Paouz, right? He wanted to be back with his family!

Right? Right?

"Tell your Mom I'm sorry."

"Don't wish me back, okay, guys?"

That moment...it would never stop feeling like a knife to the heart. Like every pain he had accumulated in the battle with Cell had suddenly been thrust onto his heart. Why? They had plans. They'd made plans. They'd promised. HE'D promised.

Then, out of nowhere, in front of him, halo and all was his father. Gohan reached for him, screeched after him. "Daddy, come home! I still need you!"

The man stared at him, silent, unyielding before vanishing in a flash of cloud and smoke.

"Daddy!"

Gohan jerked awake with a scream and shout. Sweat poured off his face and his heart ached from thumping so hard. It wasn't that nightmares were unknown to him—far from it. He'd grown accustomed to them. But these dreams...dreams that built and twisted on memories.

"Gohan?"

The door opened and both his parents came rushing in, ChiChi in front despite her—well, waddling stance now. Taking a seat on the bed, she reached out and stroked his sweaty hair back even as Goku knelt by his other side.

"What happened, little man? Haven't heard you shout like that in a long time."

Gohan looked at him and oh so many things rushed through his head. Bad things, good things, scary things. Things he wanted to say and was terrified to say.

Yet words failed him.

Reaching out to the bedside table, he grasped one of the colored seashells. While most of them were kept in the living room, he and his mom had a handful they kept on hand. Gohan held it a moment then just let it fall to the ground. That was the lowest place yet could think of right now...

"Okay," ChiChi settled herself. "Emotionally drowning?"

Gohan managed a nod.

That said, both parents settled themselves near him and wrapped their arms around him. The tightness was comforting and Gohan set his thoughts on just what he could feel, what he could smell, what he could hear and see.

Mom still had the lingering smell of smoke from when she'd cooked dinner. Daddy's arms had a tinge of callousness to them—built up over the years. He could hear both their heartbeats. It was an anchoring hum. Focusing, settling into that, letting that become a rock made it easier for the other emotions to wash off. Not gone but to...sort of drain away.

After a time, Gohan spoke, "I had a dream about you, Daddy."

Goku cocked his head, "'Bout me? That's what scared you this bad?"

Shaking his head, Gohan admitted. "What I feel scares me."

ChiChi looked at Goku, "Goku, why don't you go mix that cinnamon milk we all like. I think we could all use some."

The Saiyan father nodded and stood, ruffling his son's hair gently as he went. After his footsteps passed down the hall, ChiChi addressed her son,

"What are you feeling, Gohan?"

"I...I dunno. It was about the time he didn't come right back from Namek. And when he...yelled at me on the battlefield. And when...he didn't wanna come home after Cell." He winced. "But Daddy and I talked 'bout that last one! We talked 'bout it lots! So why is it popping up to bug me now?"

The Son matriarch remained quiet a moment, thinking. "What were you doing before bed?"

"Exercises. To process stuff that's happened. Ms. Naoru says that's how you come to terms with it. And to come to terms with yourself. You have to look at it, all sides of it."

ChiChi nodded, "I've heard similar. Sounds like that's what was happenin' in your dream to me."

"Huh?"

"Let's think, Gohan." She offered, gently. "You remember that conversation you and I had—about how you wanted to be your own person and do both studyin' and trainin' and how you told me how some of the things I did hurt you." She bit her lip "After you and your father came back from Master Korin's."

He nodded, "I made you cry. I'm sorry." He remembered that in detail. The almost horrific realization in her eyes. The depth of regret in her face. He'd known that he needed to tell her. He'd told her about sadness, anger, shame...

Shaking her head, ChiChi said "Well, I'm not. I needed to hear it. I had no idea it had affected you so badly. It sounds like you're finally at that point with your father."

Gohan gaped at her. "Wha...?"

"I know you, Gohan. You mighta told your father how sad you were when he finally came back after Cell but did you ever talk about your other feelings?"

"Other..."

"Your doubt. Your confusion. Your anger." ChiChi knew those emotions had been there because she'd seen it. She'd felt it herself. When Goku had come back, not just after Cell but the times before...she'd been happy and thrilled but also angry and confused and sad. She was never one to keep those feelings under wraps and they'd always dealt with them. Though now she knew better ways to do that.

Her son though. He was a different story. He kept things bottled and contained. She doubted Gohan always knew for himself when those emotions bubbled up.

"Mom, if I had...those feelings...wouldn't I have had to deal with them already?" There was genuine wonder in his tone. "I mean, all my other emotions have been coming up. It's been weeks since Korin's. Wouldn't they have come up before now?"

The woman considered then said "Unless they were pushed down deep. Your father told me that while you were separated in the dimension at Korin's that he heard some things between you and him on a battlefield."

Gohan blinked, eyes wide. He thought he'd heard something like that too but he'd pushed it aside, ignored it. Pretended it didn't happen. It had worked wonderful until his dreams pulled it up to the surface again.

"You've been doin' so good, sweetie." ChiChi gently pushed a stray hair out of her son's face. "And you've been digging into things that make you uncomfortable because you want to get better. But I'm sure Ms. Naoru told you that this was the hard part, the digging and uncovering. I know mine did."

"...she did." Gohan eyed her, looking more than a little lost. "But I don't get it. Why would I be able to talk to you about this kind of stuff but the idea of doing it with Daddy feels so much...harder?" Did that makes him a bad person? Was the fact he had confronted his mother with this first without issue and was struggling at the thought of doing the same with his father an indication he was a terrible son?!

"Your father has always been your protector." There was no anger in ChiChi's voice, just a quiet realization. "Even when you were a baby, he was always the one that struggled being a bad guy, being a disciplinarian." Shaking her head with a smile, ChiChi remarked, "He got the hang of it but your father was always like some kind of God to you, Gohan. I see it all the time. But he's not perfect, just like I'm not. Just like you're not. That's a hard image to break."

It made sense. It made a lot of sense. It made too much sense. So many emotions roiling in his gut that he needed to let out but how could he? "Daddy and you have been helping me so much! How can I just unleash anger at him now?"

"Well, one at a time, prob'ly works best."

Goku's familiar baritone reentered the atmosphere and he made his way back in, this time with three steaming mugs of cinnamon milk in hand. Gohan stared at him as he came on and set them on the desk. When the man knelt in front of him and took his hands, Gohan shook.

"Gohan, are you afraid I'll be upset?"

Oh, if he was...Gohan managed a simple nod.

"Well, I'll tell you right now, I won't be. When I came back after Cell, one thing was real clear to me—sometimes, well, my priorities had been a little wacky. Your mom and I discussed it. It's only fair you get to as well."

It was like a well inside of him, something churning that had always been there and slowly grown over the years but he'd ignored it. Pretended it wasn't there.

"But...it's over. Done like the shower."

Goku shook his head. "You and Mom and I talked about the shower, remember? We all talked 'bout it and how we all felt and we said our sorrys but you haven't told me all YOU'VE felt, Gohan. About a lot of things."

Goku's eyes were soft. "And I can't really make it right unless I know what all those things did to you, can I?"

Like a surge of energy, like an all-encompassing ocean wave, the well of emotion Gohan had kept so well hidden and maintained, erupted.

Chapter 48

Chapter Text

"Did you mean what you called me?" There was a haunting pause to the boy's voice. "On the battlefield against Vegeta?" Shame pooled in Gohan's heart because so much time had passed but he couldn't deny it still pecked at his thoughts nor that he'd never really brought it up. Ms. Naoru had said sometimes old events had more impact than we realized and if you had means to address it, then do.

But asking it was still hard.

But Goku's face was contorted in confusion. "What I called you?"

Nodding, Gohan fought the desire to shout and scream. Was Daddy playing dumb? Was he teasing him? No. No, that wasn't what Daddy did and didn't Ms. Naoru say that you had to be clear and concise? That sometimes what was crystal clear to you was a mystery to others? Much as his parents loved him and understood him, they weren't in his head. "After Vegeta threw me down at you. When we were both bleeding and broken and I told you I couldn't do it anymore...you called me a coward. Did you mean that?"

ChiChi set her husband with eyes full of fire but Goku wasn't paying attention to her. All his eyes were on his son and after a moment, he answered, his voice low and soft. "That's always bothered you, hasn't it?"

Nodding briefly, Gohan said, "I...it was my first time fighting and I wanted to do something right. I wanted you to be proud of me. But I guess that was gettin' uppity, huh?"

Shaking his head, Goku replied "Why would that be bein' uppity?" He sat on the bed after a moment and said, "No. I don't think you're a coward. You're a lot of things but you ain't never lacked for bravery no matter what your brain likes to tell ya."

Flabbergasted, Gohan retorted "Then why tell me that?!" Did he KNOW how that kept him up at night? Did he know how he'd second guess himself, trying to be sure he wasn't being a coward? Did he know—

"To getcha to move." Goku kept his tone level, soft understanding apparent in it. "It was your first battle and if I'd had my way, you wouldn't have been near it. But you were and I could see ya freezin' up. I could see you startin' to panic. So I hadda do somethin' to get you focused again." Here Goku's eyes went low, almost dark. "I didn't have a lotta time to think or I woulda said anythin' else." He reached out and ruffled the boy's hair. "I was wrong."

That was such a simple statement but it meant oh so much. Hearing from his father that no, that statement was not a reflection of hidden inner thoughts but rather spoken in frustration and desperation—all something understandable on a battlefield—was a surge of validation to his heart. "Wrong?"

"Yeah, wrong. I shoulda tried somethin' else. Your full name usually works pretty good. Guess I wasn't thinkin' real clear myself. Hard to do on a battlefield when you're all beat up." He tilted the boy's chin up. "But no. You are a lot of things, son but never a coward."

It was an odd thing. It didn't remove the pain of the words but it...made them seem less powerful. Gohan really didn't know how to describe it but it felt like just knowing that his father didn't harbor those kind of thoughts about him, knowing that his father knew how much it hurt him and knowing his father was sorry that he'd hurt him...that was a powerful feeling. Validation he supposed was the best word for it. Knowing that what you felt was acknowledged and important.

The swirling pool inside him still churned but with significantly less rage.

Goku took a sip of the drinks he'd brought and said. "What else, Gohan? I know you've got a lot of emotions in you and you can let 'em out at me. Let's tackle 'em."

That was just like Dad. Plow ahead, grab life and wrestle it down. He was right, though. He'd already torn the scab off this metaphorical wound. But now they had to drain and cleanse it. He'd felt so much better once he and Mom did that. That became his chant, his mantra. Push through these emotions, release them, tackle them. Look how much his relationship with Mom had improved and he and Dad already had a strong bond.

And if they were going to work through this, he needed to be honest and upfront. Ms. Naoru always said that working through emotions was hard and exhausting but the rewards were always plentiful. He'd SEEN that with Mom. Their relationship was better now than it had been in years. Did that mean he and Daddy could be even closer after they got through all this?

If he could get through this?

Gohan kept that thought tucked into his mind.

"Why didn't you come home?" Gohan's voice was calculated, measured but it was impossible to miss the anger and hurt in it. "After Namek. We had Porunga. He said you refused. Why? Why did you not wanna come home?" Gohan learned into his mother's grip a little. He knew this was something he was going to have to do eventually—after all, he'd confronted his mother with the things she'd hurt him with—but this felt so much harder. But Daddy was letting him. He was just...waiting for it. "Was it because the training was better?" He asked that slowly, hesitantly. "Was what the Yardrats could teach you better than being with me or Mom?"

Goku didn't answer him because the boy obviously wasn't done yet. He saw it in his eyes, felt it in his ki, heard it in his voice.

So he waited.

"Was that what you wanted? Just an excuse to run off and leave us alone? We didn't know where you were, why you didn't come home and the last time I saw you, Super Saiyan had consumed you, Dad!" His hands shook slightly. "Is that how Super Saiyan 2 looked to you, Dad? Cause I didn't recognize you anymore. You told me to go and I understand why but...but...after all that, when you didn't come home, I thought whatever had happened to you had won you over. Eaten you up like some monster."

ChiChi stroked her son's hair back. "It was scary for both of us, Goku." She advised softly "I told him you'd be home again but I don't know if he believed me."

"I wanted to." Gohan's voice choked. "I wanted to but I didn't know because when I left Namek I didn't recognize Dad anymore." He turned, looked his father hard in the face, approached him and hit Goku's chest. Not hard, not with true intent to hurt but with frustration. "Why? You just left us hanging and didn't show back up for over a year! Did you just expect us to keep going like nothing was wrong? You're important here Dad but you left us! You left Mom! You left ME!" At that, his voice broke, again. "You abandoned me again!"

Goku's face softened. "That was never what I was tryin' to do."

"Then why? Why did you stay away? Are we that terrible? Mom's a good wife! I try to be a good son—"

"You are—"

"Then why do people keep abandoning me?!" It was an odd emotion Gohan felt rising in his chest and if he'd the presence of mind to process it, he might have stumbled onto something quite profound. Yet lost amid the emotion he'd kept barricaded in his heart, it was all he could do to simply let it flow free. The fact he felt safe enough to do so was a monumental occasion in itself.

Each individual working through trauma has a lie or altered truth they have come to depend on. Gohan's therapist had mentioned that while addressing his self esteem and perfectionism were ways of getting at the root, he might find himself exposing deeper secrets and needs outside of the therapy room. The all-or-nothing truth, the belief that had colored each sight and feeling one saw, was the true element that had to be altered. The true statement that needed amending from its white or black frame to something more reasonable and rational. In a sense, the umbrella under which all other irrational thoughts and perceptions fell. The root that branched into numerous behaviors and ideas.

The lie or fractured lens as Gohan had come to call it was, unlike popular belief might state, not formed needlessly. The viewpoint, the black-or-white thinking was a survival mechanism. It had kept him alive, it had kept him sane. She'd explained that to him that the issue was that the survival thought processes did not work well outside the survival situation.

"So, what's mine?" He'd asked her a few times.

She'd smiled, warmly. "We don't know yet. Perfectionism is a piece of it and self esteem is a piece of it so let's start there, okay? We'll get to the root of it, together."

"Gohan." His father's solid baritone cut through his panic, through his rushing heartbeat. It brought him back to the moment, back to the room and not just adrift amid so many emotions. "Gohan, I wanted to come home." There was genuine heart in that voice. "I missed you and your Mom and the house and all of it."

"...then why?" Rubbing at his nose, Gohan asked again, "Why?"

"Instant Transmission was a perk, somethin' extra. I stayed away as long as I did to figure out Super Saiyan." Eyes warm, Goku traced his son's jaw. "When I saw you on Namek that first time, it was like looking through a fog. Like I was drownin', I tol' you to run off and leave, 'member?"

Gohan nodded. "I remember."

"You remember why?"

After a brief pause, Gohan answered "You told me to go before you lost what little reason you still had."

Goku nodded. "It terrified me, Gohan. I wanted to come home and I was actually plannin' to leave Yardrat soon as I could sit up but then I thought 'bout what would happen if I slipped into that form again before I could control it. I might hurt you or your mom and I couldn't do that. That's why I stayed. The Yardrats know spiritual stuff. They helped me harness it."

"You didn't tell us." Gohan's accusation felt equal parts frustrated and sincere. "You couldn't have at least told Porunga you'd come home when you were ready?"

Scratching his head, Goku replied. "I thought I did tell 'em that. Didn't know for sure though. Talkin' to a dragon mentally is a weird feelin'. But I told him to tell you I'd be home after I got control of this power of mine."

ChiChi let her eyes soften. "Porunga told us you'd return at your own time."

Goku scowled. "Dragon doesn't listen too well..." He refocused on his son. "I'm sorry, Gohan. I wish I could have been sure you understood. But if you can listen now—I've never stayed away from you and your mom because I wanted to. My favorite place to be is home with you!"

The anger within Gohan seemed to dull somewhat, though not entirely. "I...I hear you, Daddy. I know you didn't mean to make us worry—I think Mom and I always knew that—but I'm still angry it happened."

Goku smiled. "Good. That's okay. Anger isn't a bad thing, Gohan. You can be mad things happened, you can be mad at me, you can be mad at the world. That's okay."

What a revolutionary thought. Anger had seemed for so long to him as this beast that must be contained but hearing now that even if there was no one to be angry at, that it was still his right to BE angry...it was validating. It was comforting. It made him feel heard.

"Thank you, Daddy."

The older man smiled at his son. "You work through what you need to work through. That's why me and your mom are here."

Gohan nodded against the soft comforting voice and his whole body shook. The reassurance helped but he knew they weren't done yet. Not quite. He knew this was the final piece, the final trial to be matched and then maybe, he could be at ease with his past and move on. He knew it had to be addressed even though they'd talked about it before. They'd talked about it a lot. But not...like this. Not with such understanding of emotions and communication and...

"You wanted to stay dead."

Goku closed his eyes heavily. He knew this was coming. He suspected there was some weight still to get out about this. He and Gohan had discussed it but not in depth or detail. Hurt too much for both of them. But he knew it was coming.

"I didn't want to stay dead, Son. I thought it might protect you and Mom if I did though."

Gohan wrung his hands. He grabbed his tail. He had so many thoughts traveling through his mind. So many things..."I'm sorry...I'm sorry I'm being a pain."

"Hey!" ChiChi spoke out firmly from his other side "None of that. This is what we've all been learnin' to do, remember?" She whispered, gently, "It's hard but we'll work through this, right?"

Goku pulled Gohan onto his lap. The boy didn't protest. "Right! We sure ain't experts yet but I think we're gettin' better. You ain't a pain."

That helped some. Gohan rested his head on his father's chest. "I know you told me that you were tryin' to protect us, Daddy."

ChiChi scoffed, if only a little. "Thinks with his heart not his head sometimes," but her voice was full of compassion and Goku met her gaze with a sheepish grin. "But he never meant to hurt us."

"But..." Gohan heaved a heavy sigh as if the weight of the world was settled on his shoulders. "It wasn't because...of me?"

Goku set his son with a look, looking down at him even as Gohan looked up and their eyes met. "Because of you? Why would that have anything to do with it? Are you talkin' about the fight with Cell?"

A slow, cautious bob of the head.

"Gohan, I was so proud of you. It wasn't right for me to just...leave it all to you but I knew you were the only one that could do it. I knew if I hadda stay away, you could take care of things for me. I never once thought of leavin' because of somethin' you did."

Gohan lowered his gaze and went quiet. He heard the words and rationally, he understood them. After all, they'd talked about this before. He understood needing to get control over a transformation state—he understood that far too well— he understood his father had been dead when Piccolo took him.

He understood all this and he pleaded with his mind to finally comprehend. To accept it. To let it be as it was. Yet, somehow, deep down, he also knew he wasn't quite there yet.

He'd learned to tell his parents what he was feeling. He'd learned to accept that sometimes feelings just "were" and to let them come and flow. He'd learned he didn't have to be perfect.

Except his brain still screamed at him if he thought he could do better. Even when there wasn't anything to be won by being better. Even if he had literally collapsed trying. He tried to beat the thoughts back and he was getting better at. Reframing it. Fixing it. But they came so often...

We're still looking for your lens. The singular, overlapping thought that creates all your other thoughts. Think of it like a map, in a way. We're going to tackle the thoughts that are causing you pain but they're also going to be what leads up to the source.

The core belief. The core belief that dictated everything he saw and thought and interpreted. The core belief that even though he knew in his heart his father and mother never meant to do him harm, he still took it to heart, still interpreted it as...as...as...

Gohan's mind was a tumble of thoughts.

"It felt like you were abandoning me. Abandoning Mom." He swallowed. "Abandoning us both. But I know you don't do that that's what it felt like." Biting his lower lip, he said, "I didn't wanna be abandoned again."

ChiChi looked to her husband and the man gently traced his son's cheek. "Gohan...you've said that a lot. Abandon." Goku's voice trembled slightly as he spoke. "Least from what I've noticed. Chi?"

The woman nodded and gently turned her son's head so she could meet his eyes. "You have. Can you talk about that, Gohan?" It was still a awkward but vital practice to notice those kinds of patterns. That was how you uncovered things.

Still reeling a bit, Gohan ran his fingers over his tail to center himself. "Did I?" He knew he had—both his parents wouldn't have mentioned it if he didn't. He hadn't been keeping track but he supposed maybe he had been saying that a lot. "I guess I feel like that a lot. Felt like you were gonna abandon me after Cell even though I know you love me. Felt like you were gonna abandon us after Namek even though you always came home before. But...that was before—well, all of this mess."

ChiChi gently pushed a hair behind her ear. "What changed though, Gohan?"

Think. Think. Think. So many things. So much at once. He fought against the feelings and thoughts, tried to make them make sense. But it was a wave, as if it had been blocked for years and now, it was right in front of him.

When he'd failed against Cell, Dad was gonna leave.

That's not why and you know it. And you bested Cell, remember?

I went back to fight Freeza on Namek and failed. Daddy was so mad and not Daddy and then he didn't come home.

He JUST told us why!

Where was everyone when Piccolo took me?

Dead or...

"No one came for me." Gohan said suddenly. "When Piccolo took me. No one came for me. I know Daddy was dead—don't know if I really understood what that meant then though. What does 'dead' mean to a four year old?"

He remembered feeling cold, terrified and so utterly sure something horrible would happen because how could it not if he was alone? How could it not with no one to help him? Why wasn't Daddy helping him?

"I thought Mom would come." He said softly. "If Daddy couldn't come, then Mom would. That's what I kept telling myself. Mom will come. Mom will come." He turned, looked at her. "Why didn't you?"

ChiChi's eyes were soft. "As soon as I found out, I looked. I looked everywhere I could think to look. If I'd known Bulma'd had something to track you, I'd have used it in an instant." Her eyes were wet. "I didn't even find out you were taken until days after." Her voice went sour. Much as she admitted that Goku's friends had been loyal to her family, that misstep was one that she still found so very hard to forgive.

"You didn't?" Gohan stared at her. "They...didn't tell you?" His heart raced.

"Eventually." She amended, arms folded. "Once I went out and confronted them about it. Then your Grandpa and I were out, looking. Looking anywhere and everywhere. When you finally showed us that island Piccolo dropped you at, I was livid to myself because I landed on that thing so many times."

Gohan paled. She'd been there? On that same island? They might have passed each other and not known it?! The prospect made him feel ill. The idea he might have been able to go home...

But no, no, Piccolo would have...

Gohan grasped at his head, frustrated, angry and overwhelmed.

"Gohan, talk to us." Daddy's voice. "Talk to me."

"He left me alone. Piccolo. He told me that if I survived, he'd train me. I hoped you'd come or Mom or Grandpa. Or someone. They didn't. No one came. No one came for me."

It was an odd thing because it was like all his past experiences, his self doubts, his self talk, in the span of a second, as he combed over the events of his life, something clicked into place.

The lens was suddenly right in front of him. It was staring him in the face and he both felt like a fool for not seeing it and wanting to cry at the prospect of finally being able to fix and wanting to just slump to the floor in despair as he saw those dozens and dozens of branches that sprung from it. They were illlogical connections and he knew this on some level but it didn't matter.

His mind had created his lens years ago when he was a scared little boy in the wilderness and it had formed so many assumptions off balance because of it. His self doubt, his self hate, his perfectionism. It all ran back here. It all tied back here. That simple moment in the wilderness when Gohan's mind decided he had to survive and to survive, it had to make sense of why no one came.

"Piccolo trained me 'cause I was good enough." He said suddenly. "When I wasn't strong enough 'gainst Vegeta people die hadda leave to go fix it. When we weren't good enough against Freeza, Daddy went away. When I wasn't good enough against Cell Daddy went away. When I'm not good enough, people abandon me. Be good, be better or be abandoned."

Gohan turned to his father, flung his arms tight around the man's neck and sobbed. "Be better or be abandoned. Be better or be abandoned."

Chapter 49

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry."

It was such a seemingly small thing but there was so much emotion behind those words that it fell like a punch. Yet, not. No, a punch hurt and this did not. This was the opposite of hurt. It felt good, it felt warm and it felt...

Safe.

Safe. What an odd feeling to have. Gohan had not even realized over the years how alien that feeling had become. Not out of any fault of his parents but simply by nature of their lives. Yet here, wrapped so tightly in his mother's lap (a much more tight fit than it once was)and father's arms that he felt more cocoon than boy, he wept from relief.

"Not your fault, Daddy." Gohan felt inclined to offer. "Not yours either, Mom."

"Our job was to protect you." ChiChi's voice cracked. "Our job has always been to protect you. And we've failed at that." She stopped herself a moment then stroked his hair. "All this time and not once did I think about how many times you've been left—by no fault of your own."

Gohan looked up at her and while there was pain in his eyes, there was also relief. Not the usual type of relief but a relief that was born from being heard and the knowledge that your pain was not dismissed. An odd thought maybe but there was power in simply being told 'I see your pain now.' For Gohan, there was also power in knowing what it was. Faced with the influx of all his emotions, he felt oddly drained but accomplished. One wouldn't think that digging through your feelings could be so utterly exhausting but it was. He felt like curling up into a ball and just sleeping. But no, not yet.

The big question remained. They found the problem, the source, the lie. So now what?

Daddy hadn't really said much since the outburst but he was obviously thinking. The ruffled brow, the narrowed eyes, the tapping fingers—that was his thinking face. Not just a usual thinking face but a really in-depth thinking face. It wasn't something you saw on him very often.

"Gohan, I'm sorry." His voice sounded heavy, weighed down. "All this time. I can spot a battle wound a mile away but I never thought about how the coming, going and no explanation...never thought about how that would play games with your head." He knelt in front of the bed, taking his son's hands in a tight grip. "Can't undo that. Much as I want to, I know I can't. But I can try to fix this now. 'Member what your therapist says?"

Gohan smiled. A genuine smile. "What is learned can he unlearned."

"Right." Standing again, Goku remarked "Maybe we oughta talk to her all together. Now that we've figured this little bit out. This is that big lie she was talkin' 'bout." He met his son's eyes. "If you want to."

Nodding in agreement, Gohan said "I think we should. Maybe she can help us figure out things to do besides just the stuff I'm already doing." He knew that what he was doing still needed to continue but he also knew there were other options too. Other methods of tackling his misthinking. That's always what it boiled down to—the way he thought influenced his emotions. Emotions you could not change. Thinking you could. So change one to change the other.

And he'd noticed the biggest change when his father and mother started using those charts and they would challenge his thoughts together. They would challenge Mom's beliefs together. They would adjust together. They would tackle triggers together.

While, yes, he was the one that had the disturbing and intruding thoughts, it was his family that was the client, the patient. His therapist had mentioned that once.

"It's a spider web, Gohan.

He looked at her, eyes baffled. "A spider's web?"

"Yes." Reaching into her drawer, she withdrew a series of colored rubber bands that she intertwined and twisted on her fingers until they did resemble a spider's web. Holding it out to him, she said, "Let's say the red one is your mother. The green is you and the blue is your father. Pluck the red one."

He did so.

The entire collection of strands vibrated.

"See? One affects the other. That's why I'm so glad your parents are actively involved. It's not just a matter of correcting your thinking. It's a matter of addressing the whole family." She smiled. "So many people initially resist it. They don't want to hear things they should have done or that their way needs help. But that's how you fix this. To fix one strand, you address and strengthen the whole web."

Goku stood, looked over at his wife, "I'll call tomorrow and we'll see if we can get in this week and see what we need to do." Reaching down, he ran his fingers over Gohan's tail, as he used to do so often when he was small. "We'll fix this, I promise."

Nodding, Gohan replied and took his father's hand. "It's not your fault, Daddy."

"But it's not-not my fault either." He gently pulled away. "Not your fault, not Mom's, not mine then whose is it? Who do I blame? Who do I..." Goku sighed, flopped on the ground, pressing his back against the bed, looking utterly defeated. "This isn't an enemy I can punch."

Looking up at his mother a moment, Gohan slid from her lap and landed on the floor where he forced his way into his father's lap, flopping down like a tired puppy. Looking up, waving his tail slightly, Gohan said. "No, it's not but that's okay, Daddy."

"It shouldn't be." Goku argued. "My job is to make sure you and your mom are happy and safe. To make sure you don't hurt. But I can't make you stop hurtin' from this right now. I can't make it go away. But if I can't do that, I can usually make whatever hurt you hurt too." His eyes fell. "But I can't do that neither. Because it's not a person, it's just...lots of things. Lots of things and places and people made you hurt. I couldn't stop them then and I can't stop it now. I'm...powerless." A sudden realization came over him. One that filled his heart with guilt. Guilt so thick he nearly choked on it. "And I'm sorry you ever had to feel this way, Gohan."

Gohan nuzzled his head into his father's chest. "Daddy. My mind got a little scrambled. But remember what YOU told. I'm not broken. Just need a little help. And don't we all need a little help sometimes?" He looked up, met the man's eyes. "And I'm lucky enough to have a Mom and Dad that love me enough to help me." Hugging himself close to his father, he took comfort in the familiar smell, the strong arms around him. The safety. Yes, it was possible to be safe, no matter what his frantic mind had become convinced of. It was and he just needed to remember that. Needed to learn...re-learn it.

Forget the false facts.

"What's learned can we unlearned."

Chapter 50

Chapter Text

"Your turn, Gohan,"

The boy picked up the set of dice and tossed them, announcing "Seven," once they settled. Moving his purple piece—a small star atop a round base, he moved forward, landing on an orange colored space. "Positive Thoughts."

ChiChi selected from the stack of cards and read, "What is something you did today that you're proud of?"

They'd begun to make a game night, like they used to when Gohan was a little thing and several nights a week, like tonight, they used the therapy games that the counselors had recommended. They made them a bit more fun to work on things and by establishing rules and rewards, their open communication was improving. ChiChi made a special dessert as incentive for the winner.

The counselor had been thrilled at their steps forward. One would have thought that there would have been more time spent on "should have done this" or "could have done that" but the way she'd explained it made a lot of sense—you could spend time on the past and going through all the things you would have done different but ultimately, they changed nothing. Instead, take what those experiences taught you and see how you can apply it towards the future.

Reviewing past events, she said, was used when someone needed to realize their own impact, their own choices but that had not been an issue with this family. They were well aware of the cause and effect of their choices. In fact, they tended to contribute blame on themselves—especially Gohan—where there was none.

Were there events they needed to process? Sure and they would do that individually in therapy. Gohan, for instance, had a lot of emotion to sort through but one of the hardest elements of any therapy was the realization of powerlessness.

Could ChiChi and Goku have taught Gohan to be a bit more self-reliant? Sure. But given what they'd lived through in the 23rd Tournament, was it understandable why they didn't?

Yes.

And in the moment, could they have said or done anything to change the outcome of Raditz' arrival?

No.

Could ChiChi have done anything more than she did when she found out her son was taken? She'd all but scorched the earth looking for him. With the information she had and the emotional knowledge she had, at that time, could she have done more?

No.

Could Goku have done anything else after he died without condemning them all to die later when the Saiyans came?

No.

Could they blame Piccolo? Yes, for some things. And in some ways, ChiChi especially supposed she always would. But it also couldn't be denied that if Gohan hadn't been there in the battle and if Piccolo had not readied him like he did, Goku would likely have died. And what then?

Was it right?

Was it fair?

No. No it wasn't. But it...just was.

Could the Son Matriarch could go over and over in her head how they could have done this or that instead? Yeah, she could. But what did that do for her? It gave her anxiety and anger and fear. And it changed nothing.

In some cases, with so many factors in play, there was no person or event to blame. Sometimes there were many but perhaps more frightening, sometimes, there were none. Piccolo could be blamed for the initial event perhaps but everything that set that in play? That fell outside the family's control.

Like Goku had said, they were powerless in that aspect.

Powerlessness was a terrible feeling. One that no one liked to feel. But it was a necessary acceptance to overcome the past. Acceptance of what you did was all you could do IN THAT MOMENT.

We make the best decisions we can in the moments we said.

The knowledge we had then. The emotional control we had then. The insight we had then.

And we change moment to moment.

Some people would linger in anger, in guilt, in sadness. Some people would need time to work through those emotions but in the counselor's opinion, Gohan had already started to do that—he'd confronted ChiChi and Goku on the experiences that had made his life so difficult and they'd acknowledged it. What so many people didn't understand was that this stage was not necessarily finding someone to blame, it was finding someone to validate. To say, "I see your pain and I acknowledge it." And they'd done that.

Could Gohan find someone to blame? Well, for some things yes—but for others no. And much like his mother would only bring herself anxiety by entertaining all the "ifs"so it would be the same with Gohan. Maybe that wasn't the right choice for everyone but if his current state was any indication, choosing radical acceptance of what had happened seemed the right choice for Gohan. Not the perfect choice but the best of what he had.

Gohan would likely have periods of anger, of sadness and that would be normal. Unlike so many movies and books, not everything was resolved with an explosion of anger and finger pointing. It was much more nuanced than that.

Process, center, reframe, move forward. Repeat as needed.

"Something I'm proud of?" Gohan repeated the question, tapping his fingers. This was getting easier over time, with repetition and practice but that question always made him stumble. He felt conceited answering it.

Silence reigned.

"Gohan, what are you thinking?"

His father's inquiry was rather welcomed. While they'd all begun to give more time to think before making assumptions, they'd also all begun to watch one another for signs of distress. Gohan didn't always notice when he started his own but his parents sure did. Looking down, he realized he was wringing his tail.

"I...I guess I feel like I'm being conceited if I answer that." This was another new thing they'd started. If you had troubling thoughts, instead of 'not bothering anyone' with them, you would be open about them. That took prodding for Gohan. Much as he was working on not "worrying so much what people thought" it was a tough shift. Reminders and gentle prods like this helped. "That it's silly to be proud of little things."

ChiChi set the card down and asked, "Tell me Gohan, do you think your father is silly when he's happy to have accomplished something? You know our first year of marriage, it took him a long time to get the hang of a shower?"

Now that was a funny sight to picture and Gohan found himself giggling. "He did?"

"Yep!" Goku didn't seem phased at all but then that was his way. "I kept floodin' the bathroom."

ChiChi shook her head with a smile. "But then one day, he prances in the kitchen, still dripping from the shower, saying "I did it Chi!"

Despite himself, Gohan smiled brightly. "And he was proud of it."

"'Course I was." Goku reached over, gently tossled his boy's hair. "It was somethin' new for me that took a little bit and I figured it out! Nothin' wrong with being proud of that." Goku turned serious but his face stayed warm. "The rest of the world don't get to decide what you're proud of. Only you do."

That was some food for thought. After another pause, Gohan said. "Well, then...I'm proud that I'm starting to work on myself. That I'm able to talk about what I'm feeling instead of keeping it all bundled up. That's what I'm proud of."

Leaning over, ChiChi kissed his forehead. "And a good choice to be proud of! That ain't an easy path but you're workin' so hard at it!"

Blushing a bit, Gohan remarked, "It...kinda feels wrong to be proud of it."

Goku stroked the boy's head. "And it'll feel like that for a little bit." He took hold of the dice himself. "But it gets easier, kinda like combatin' those thoughts?"

Nodding, Gohan said, "It is gettin' easier." He bit his lip. "It's hard but it's gettin' easier." Looking up, he said, "She DID say I needed to do self-compassion more. So, questions like that are good! Even if I don't like 'em."

Goku gave him a wink. "Well, that's how we grow, isn't it, Little Man?" Tossing the dice down, he moved his own piece. "I didn't wake up one day as World Champion. I lost. A lot. Fell a lot. But you move forward. Bit by bit. Step by step."

ChiChi gently squeezed the boy's shoulder. "And the best thing is that you don't have to grow alone."

Chapter 51

Chapter Text

ChiChi made her way across the grounds quietly. Moving bamboo aside, she pushed her way through the familiar foliage. The child inside her turned once or twice before settling and she was glad for it. One thing she didn't need right now was to be kicked continuously in the ribs like this little one was fond of doing. Luckily, he seemed to catch onto her urgency and went into his usual sleeping pattern.

It didn't take long for ChiChi to locate her target. The falling trees and rumbling earth were a dead giveaway. It was something ashes grown accustomed to though the time of night for it was unusual.

She knew why though.

Slipping through another grove of trees, and less easily than she'd been able to several months ago, she came upon her husband, hair aglow, muscles tensed and piles of broken and fractured wood at his feet.

And the big hole he was currently standing in.

Making her way to the edge, she called down, "Goku?"

Shifting his eyes upward, he wiped the seriousness from them with a smile. "Sorry, Chi. I can probably make this a swimming pool if you want. Or a big ol' garden."

Sitting down, she pushed her way forward, sliding down in the dirt and mud. She'd need to change clothes but right now this was more important. As her feet hit the ground, Goku caught her gently in his arms. "Did I wake ya up?"

Shaking her head, ChiChi remarked. "Saw you weren't in bed so I thought I'd see why." She took his hands in her own. "Goku, are you out here torturin' yourself?"

Sighing, he shook his head. "Not on purpose. I know there ain't no use in that. But I get energy 'bout it all the same. Thinkin' 'bout Gohan." Goku folded, seemed very young. Like he was the teenager she found at the 23rd Martial Arts Tournament. "I wanna take it away, Chi. All that pain and doubt Gohan has. I wanna take it away. I wanna go back and undo everything!" He shuddered, dug his arms into a self bear hug so tight it HAD to hurt. "But I can't. All this strength, all this power and I can't do a damn thing."

Clutching his hand tightly, she amended. "We can't undo it but we can move forward with him. We can help him work through all he's been through. We can help him remember that he don't have to be perfect. We can do ALL that, Goku."

Smiling lightly at her, he said, "Wish there was more."

"I know. Me too. But we'll do what we can and we'll learn and we'll work together." She stood up on her tiptoes. "And we've always gotten through everything before and we will now too."

Pulling her close and relieving her feet of having to support most of her weight, he said. "You're right. You usually are. But it still helps to hear it."

ChiChi gently flicked his nose. "That's somethin' we both still gotta grow at but that's okay. Listenin'...really listenin'. Sometimes I'm right. Sometimes you are." She held him tight. "It'll be alright, Goku. Our Gohan has a stout heart. And we're here with him."

That seemed so little to do when there was so much pain in his son's eyes but what else could they do? Undoing the past was too tricky and while Goku would gladly have transferred all his son's pain to himself if only to alleviate it from him, there was one thing he'd learned from all those therapist visits.

It wasn't just coming to terms with the past. It wasn't just correcting your mindset. It was preparation for the future. With the way their life was, to think it wouldn't throw other events at them to test their resolve was foolish. This was not just vital for Gohan to learn to process his emotions—and with growing up, Goku knew there'd be a LOT of those—but to learn to handle whatever NEW troubles came his way.

As powerful as Goku was and as much as he tried, he was not omnipresent.

The father in Goku wanted to protect Gohan, shield him away but life had taught him that no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to. He could do one of two things—try and shelter him anyway and fail or stand by his side and help him prepare.

And if you were prepared and had learned how to process and handle all the emotions both pleasant and unpleasant that you were dealt, less time was spent hurting and more time spent smiling.

He preferred they do the latter together.

OOO

"How are you doing, Kiddo?"

Gohan gave Bulma a smile. Strained but genuine. "Okay usually." He answered. He'd managed to get her alone while his parents visited with Krillin and baby Trunks. He could hear them in the next room. "We have good days and bad days but I'm working at it. It's exhausting but it is getting easier."

Bulma sat across from him at the table. "If you don't mind talking, what are you tackling right now?"

Oddly enough, much as Bulma could gossip, he felt safe telling her these things. She had her morals and one of those meant that she would keep things this important to herself. "Reframing. Processing. Taking the times I felt abandoned and challenging the assumptions. Looking over what I really had control over and what I didn't." He paused. "And mourning."

"Mourning?"

Nodding, he said, "Mourning what I wanted but didn't get. What we might have had." He felt more than a little unsure on that one still. "And refocusing energy on positive stuff." Here, he dropped his tone, looking at the gathering of his parents. "Did...you got my message the other day, right?"

She grinned, a sly grin. "Been working at it. So...we're still on?"

Nodding, he said, "Yeah. I already talked to Krillin and Yamcha on gettin' Mom and Dad away. It's gonna take a bit of doin' though. I think I could maybe urge them a little bit."

"Gohan," Bulma had a soft tone to her voice. "Are you ready for this? You've been working through a lot and I know you want to refocus and do something—"

"I'll be okay, Bulma. I've got tools now." He pointed to his head. "I'm gonna make myself a little book tonight to carry with me. Or a box. Fill it with things you can do that way if you forget, you can read them."

"Sounds like a good idea." She asked again "But I know you've been working on a lot of stuff, especially the last week since your little epiphany." She smiled, moved his hair out of his face. "And that's good. But I also know it can be hard."

Not arguing, Gohan nodded. "It is. It can be. But Mom and Dad are real good at making it fun. We do it together a lot of the time. We play games, we earn rewards, we take breaks." Taking a deep inhale, he said "And the only one way I'm gonna get better is by challenging these bad thoughts. And I think...no, I know a good way to do that is with something exciting. And, yeah, I don't know exactly what I'm feeling yet but the other night, I think I was excited. Or at least curious. So...yeah. Yeah. I'm ready."

Chapter 52

Chapter Text

Gohan inhaled deep, exhaled and then returned to work. He had only a small amount of time to get everything in order but it was important he get it done. It had taken some doing to convince his parents to go out for the morning. They wanted to make sure he was alright and it was only after asking them about getting some items for the baby before moving became too much of a burden, that they agreed.

That didn't mean his nerves faded though.

"Gohan? What do you think?"

Turning, Gohan cast his fears and doubts aside. Refocus. Recenter. He could deal with the churning emotions later. Repeat the same mantra—he was worthy by nature, not by acts. It took a moment but the harsh self criticism would slowly fade.

Center your energy on this! He told himself. You're the one that wanted this. So show yourself you still want it!

"That's perfect Bulma!"

He meant that too. Leave it to Bulma to create colorful decorations. She was never at a loss to provide party supplies. So, he was glad to have her to call on for this little surprise. As soon as he'd explained it, she was gung ho.

Gohan looked around—it wasn't as fancy as maybe Bulma's had been but there was a certain love to it—small tents set up to hold tables for gifts and food, a small storage capsule where cooking was taking place, blue and gold decorations draped over trees abd poles (he'd set those up himself) and now people were starting to arrive.

Krillin and Yamcha. Then Bulma's parents, dragging along Vegeta and baby Trunks. Grandpa came a little later by car, laughing as he landed.

"Gohan! Look at all this!"

Smiling as he accepted the welcomed hug, Gohan asked, "Do you think they'll like it, Grandpa?"

"Like it? Your mother is going to cry!" He laughed again, a loud boisterous sound. "Is everyone here?"

"Almost. Piccolo said he'd be here but he's always late. So, we just have to wait for Mom and Dad to come home. Gives me enough time to finish the last surprise." He didn't elaborate further than that, instead slipping into the capsule kitchen and going to his private project.

Cooking was NOT his strength. It never had been. He could fix a basic fish over a fire but even in the wilderness, he got most of his sustenance from plants. The meat or fish was a perk.

Tonight needed to be different. He was determined that it would be. He had accepted that he had been in a panic, an adrenaline blind when he'd ruined his parents' baby shower but he'd also learned that there was a difference between shame and guilt.

Shame was disgust at yourself for being yourself. Guilt was feeling bad over something you did or something that happened. While he had not meant to ruin that party, he had. There was a certain freedom that came with that acknowledgment—not admitting right or wrong but simply saying what was. Given how his mental state was then, it was a miracle that things had not gone worse. Giving up control, admitting that there had been nothing more at the moment he could have done, was the hardest thing to learn.

He couldn't undo that. But he had made the decision to replace a new party for them. It had not been a decision easy for him, namely because he didn't know what so much focus on the baby would do to his emotions.

He didn't...hate the idea of the baby anymore. Not all the time anyway. It mainly came at night when it was harder for his brain to shut up. Insomnia became more frequent but they were working on ways to handle that and the reframing WAS working—taking thoughts and making them into something that made more sense, things that were more logic based and less distorted by emotions. It wasn't easy—it was exhausting actually—but it was working.

When they'd made that realization—that his fears were stemmed from the fear of being abandoned—it was much easier to see that his reaction to the baby was a symptom and not the cause. But that also meant looking back at things he had not looked at before. Digging into his reactions that he had pushed down deep. Looking back at events that hurt so much to think about, let alone process!

But a healing wound always hurt.

Not for today though. Just like anything, if you focused on it all the time, you would burn out. Gohan didn't want to think on that today. Thinking on something else, something that brought you joy.

Like how surprised and happy his parents would be when they came home and found this celebration waiting for them. Like how thrilled they'd be to get to celebrate his little brother. Like how proud Mom would be that he managed to perfect meringue!

Speaking of which...

Gohan eyed the bowl in front of him like an enemy. Making pie was complicated but so far he'd managed to create the apples and lemon mixture correctly. At least as far as he could tell. They tasted fine.

So he just needed to make the meringue. As he began to gather ingredients though, he felt the familiar ping of his father's ki. Home, already?

Dad must have felt all the ki gathered here. Gohan cursed to himself.Idiot! Why didn't you consider THAT?

Well, he could tell at himself for that later. For now, he rushed back outside where apparently Krillin and the others had felt the energy too because the last of the decorations had gone up with lightning speed and people were ducking behind trees and bushes. Gohan felt the available ki slowly drop, even Vegeta's, though his was being suppressed under duress it felt like (thanks Bulma!) and Gohan stood in the center of it all and waited.

At least Dad wasn't using direct transmission. He said he preferred not to use it with Mom unless he had to. Because, well, what would that do to a baby? Wasn't exactly something they had tests on.

But he could hear them close. Dad was a fast flier. They would be heading out of those trees (the best landing place except right by the house was just inside a clearing in the trees and Mom loved a little nature before she went inside especially she'd become pregnant. Maybe little brother loved trees too) any minute.

Why was he so nervous? Did he really have cause to be so nervous? After all, he was trying to do good. He was trying to make up for something that while perhaps not something he had conscious control over—at least as he was at the time—was still something that was supposed to be special. Maybe he couldn't undo what happened but he could try to make up for it.

What if he had a breakdown again? What if nothing went the way he planned? What if he just ended up making this worse? What if...

No! Stop! Stop!

Gohan said it aloud, "stop!" Not loudly, but firmly to himself. Sometimes a verbal command helped it to sink in more. He would NOT be playing the what if game today!

"Stop what, Gohan?"

The branches parted and a moment later, his mother and father walked through, a few packages stacked in Dad's arms. They paused in mid step—and mid sentence actually—as their eyes glanced around.

The blue ribbons. The tents. The smell of appetizers and food cooking. The tiny circles set up for fun games.

And in the center of it all, a large blue and gold banner reading "Congratulations on your second boy!"

Gohan stood awkwardly underneath it, face colored but hope bleeding out of his eyes. "Surprise?"

Chapter 53

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

ChiChi didn't know what she was expecting when they came home but it definitely wasn't this. Leaving Gohan felt so wrong but he'd assured them that going on shopping trips alone were different than the other times abandonment had crept into his mind. It was nice for her and Goku to have time together and a shopping trip and lunch out had been a much needed break. Since they'd begun to improve their communication skills, their time together was something they both enjoyed significantly more than before.

It was a bit like being young teenagers again! That spark and energy that ChiChi had thought just faded with time had returned full force and she felt giddy more often than not. She was sure some of it had to do with the baby but it went deeper than that. She was...enjoying...rather than judging.

All the same though, when she saw Goku starting to frown and focus, it worried her. He was still keeping tabs on their son, at least as much as he could with this kind of distance, and it was pretty clear that something was amiss. When she asked him, her husband only said he felt a lot of his friends around the house. Not necessarily unusual especially lately as they'd been trying to lend their help wherever they could but they normally tried to give them a heads up.

Eventually, curiosity got the best of both of them and they ventured back home. Goku had brought them back a few feet from the house, stating he didn't want to startle anyone. But when they'd pulled the branches aside, ChiChi had almost broken down.

Banners. Decorations. Tents set up for food and games. A gathering of their friends and family, all looking more than a little caught off guard. Yet happiness, excitement and enthusiasm bled off the atmosphere.

And at the center of it was Gohan. Looking remarkably small amid all the hustle, he stood tall as he could under the large blue colored banners and announced with an edge of concern to his voice. "Surprise?"

"I'll say!" Goku found his voice first and walked into the gathering, scooping Gohan up to rest on his shoulder. "What's all this, little man?"

"A…a party. For you, Mom. And my brother." He took a breath, a bit surprised that the thoughts that usually took such great pleasure in trying to lie to him were remarkably quiet. Not gone—he could hear a pinprick of them still—but the lessened intensity made his face light up, to beam as it hadn't in months. "I wanted to give you all a chance to have that…shower you wanted."

ChiChi brought his hands to her mouth and they quivered. "Oh, Gohan…" Tears welled up in her eyes but she was smiling. Almost bursting it looked like. Daddy set him back down so she could rush him with a hug and she wasted no time in doing so.

"My sweet boy," she spoke it softly, almost like a secret between the two of them as she lay a kiss on his head. "You didn't have to do this for us."

"I know. But I wanted to." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I know what happened was because I had a ton of stuff I hadn't dealt with but it still hurt you." He looked at her then towards his father. "You too, Daddy." Biting his lip, he said "I know it's not the same as the one Bulma had planned but…"

"Better." Goku assured him and thumbed his son's nose. "Because YOU planned it. That makes it special."

Allowing himself a moment more to linger in the wonderful feeling of praise, Gohan grinned and said "If it's a party, we need to party!"

That appeared to be the triggering word because less than a moment later, Bulma was dragging both of them towards a cleared area with balloons and pillows and water and buckets of items.

As she began to rally people to the purpose of the game (you blew up a balloon to make a pregnant belly then had to maneuver around and try to pick up the items and avoid the pitfalls without popping or losing the balloon) Gohan paused, feeling a looming presence just above him.

Looking up, he spied Piccolo lingering in one of the trees near the house.

"Hey Piccolo." Smiling, he said, "I knew you'd come."

"I'm here but I'm not doing THAT, kid." The Namekian pointed to the group where Bulma had already gotten a rather large balloon under her own shirt and Krillin and Yamcha were following suit, with faces red as apples.

ChiChi looked ready to bust a guy, holding her rounded belly. She was, naturally, the judge.

"Aw, looks fun. But you don't have to." Gohan smiled. At least he'd come.

The awkwardness in the air was unmistakable.

"Your dad tell you about our little spat?"

"Yeah," Gohan had been surprised and yet not surprised. But what surprised him the most was his own feelings on it. Knowing Daddy confronted Piccolo on what happened was one thing but as he started to sort through his own emotions on the matter, he was rather astounded by what he uncovered.

"And what do you think, Kid?"

Gohan considered, looked up at his mentor. "I still love you Piccolo. You're still like an Uncle to me!" He paused.

"But?"

"But I can't say I'm not angry." Sighing, he said, "I've got a lot of emotions about that. I'm mad at you for taking me from Mom. You had no right to do that no matter how vital it was. It still wasn't right. I'm angry you left me there. I'm angry at how you trained me. You were cruel, Piccolo. Sometimes you needed to be. But not all the time. Sometimes I think you got a kick out of it."

Shrugging, the Namekian said, "With how I was then, I can't say that's not possible."

"I'm mad I didn't get to learn from Daddy. I'm sad I didn't start with his techniques. I'm more suited to them."

Piccolo was quiet. "In some ways, I guess you are." He admitted part of him ached to admit that because seeing Gohan embrace his attacks and fighting style still brought a smile to his face. To see how Gohan took to his ways so easily.

"But." Gohan turned to face him completely. "I'm glad too that I got to learn beside you. I'm glad we became friends. I also know sometimes you'd drop food for me. Not the best food but food. And I'm glad that you're who you are now, Piccolo. I'm proud to have learned from you."

"Thought you were angry you learned from me first."

"I am." Gohan stated proudly. "They're called contradictory emotions. When you feel two things or more that don't seem like that match all at once. It's called being ambivalent. That's how I feel about our first year training. There was so much good. But so much bad too. I still love you." He grinned at Piccolo's awkwardness and said "I still consider you an Uncle, a teacher and you were my first master. And I can't deny you helped make me who I am and who I needed to be in that battle." He sighed "But I feel mixed about that first year. Not now. I love having you around and I still trust you. But I don't know what I feel about that first year."

Piccolo huffed. "I don't understand a lot of this, Gohan. Seems foolishness to me. If something in the past bothers you, leave it there." He frowned. "Seems ridiculous to linger on it."

"Not that simple, Piccolo. Stuff we go through does things to us. Sometimes it's stuff we recognize but lots of the time, it's sneakier than that. And it changes how we think. Sometimes cause we just wanna live but the way we think that lets us live doesn't just go away when you're not in danger anymore. You have to fix it." Gohan considered for a moment then said "Kinda like when you can't kill an enemy and get obsessed about doing it."

Blanching a bit, Piccolo scoffed. "Different entirely."

Shaking his head, Gohan smiled but said nothing else. "If you say so. But don't worry, I still care about you, Piccolo."

"Hey, Gohan!" Bulma's voice interrupted the conversation. "You have to try this pregnancy belly too! I wanna get pictures of you and Goku together."

Spying his father with a huge balloon stuffed under his shirt had Gohan in stitches. Enough that he didn't even care he'd look just as silly.

He rushed over.

OOO

"C'mon, c'mon."

Biting his tongue, Gohan cursed the baking profession with every ounce of his being. He'd watched his mother cook all time, read the books backwards and forward and now, here he was in the final step for the special pie for the party and nature was not cooperating.

The book made the meringue sounds so easy to do. He flipped through it, rechecking his steps. Nothing. He hadn't done anything wrong as far as he could tell.

So why did his meringue look flat and lifeless? And why did the try before that resemble hair frayed by lightning?

He heard chattering from outside his little tent. They'd be wrapping up the last game soon. This was one of the most important parts. He'd gathered the ingredients for the pie himself. He'd put it together himself. He'd painstakingly carved the pie edges.

And now, it looked like it was going to just be a fancy tart.

Gohan slunk to the ground, rested his arms on his knees and cried. Maybe it was a silly thing to cry over but this was for his parents. For his parents and yes, for his little brother. So far, the surprise had gone fairly well, despite them showing up early, and the games were going off without a hitch.

But he had planned on presenting the pie as the cherry on top so to speak. As much as he was not a good cook, this had been a step forward. A symbol, a sign that he was ready and willing and yes, had accepted this on coming change.

The fact this was failing came as a crushing blow and if it hadn't been tied to something so emotionally charged, he doubted he would have sank so under it. But this was important and he had worked so hard for it and it did mean so much…

"Gohan—baby, what's wrong?"

Lifting his head, Gohan was met with his mother, waddling her way in. How did mothers and fathers do that? Know that they needed to come see you like that? Was it some innate power you got once a baby was born?

ChiChi made her way over and Gohan scrambled to stand. Knowing Mom she'd try to kneel or sit next to him snd it was no secret that such a thing was getting harder and harder for her to do. "Mom, why are you in here, it's not ready yet—"

"When you tol' us it would only be a minute, I knew somethin' was wrong when it was more than a minute." She reached out and rubbed the tears off his cheeks. "What's wrong?" Looking around for an explanation herself, her eyes fell on the mixing bowl. "What happened?"

"Dunno." Pressing his fists into his eyes to cease the flow of tears, Gohan confessed. "I reread the directions but it's not working. And it was supposed to be a surprise for you and Dad!"

Eyes warm, ChiChi planted a soft kiss on his forehead. "Oh, Gohan. You didn't have to go to all this trouble. You already threw us a great party."

"But….I know you and Dad love fruit cakes snd this one was supposed to be perfect."

ChiChi smiled. "Meringue is hard, son. Even if you've done it a bunch. The rest of this looks wonderful." She rolled her sleeves up, pushed the bowl aside and pulled the ingredients forward. "So why don't we make the meringue together, eh?"

Gohan blinked, looked at her. Yes. Of course Mom would know. Mom could make anything in a kitchen.

"Really, Mama? You don't mind telling back your own dessert?"

ChiChi stared at him for so long that Gohan began to wonder if he'd said something wrong. But right when he was ready to ask, she choked out.

"You haven't called me Mama since you were four."

Taken aback for a moment, Gohan returned her stare. He hadn't thought too much on the topic but now that she brought it up, he supposed it was true. After the mess with the Saiyans and Namek, she had been Mother or Mom.

But now, standing by her side, feeling the genuine support she gave towards him, those no longer fit. The rough nature of their relationship while not without its issues still had smoother and cooled and the prospect of her helping him felt as natural as it had those many years ago.

"I…think I like Mama better if it's okay with you."

Notes:

So sorry for this long delay. This chapter gave me such trouble.

Chapter 54

Chapter Text

"Goku, he'll eat the whole thing at this rate." But there was no poison in her words. If anything, ChiChi was nearly laughing.

"Well," Goku grinned. "He went to all the trouble of arranging the party. Shouldn't he get first dibs on the leftovers?"

Not much of an argument for that.

Gohan was hardly going to argue. While dessert had not turned out like he planned, bringing out a surprise his mother had helped him perfect nearly had more punch to it. Daddy had made short work of it!

Cleaning up after the celebration had been more of a chore but one the boy insisted on doing. After all, nothing worse than having to clean up at your own party and he didn't think asking the guests sounded right either.

So, exhausted but happy, he felt getting a portion of the leftovers was an appropriate reward.

"Gohan, we wanted to talk to you." Goku's voice was firm but gentle.

Swallowing, the boy pushed the plate aside. "About what, Daddy?"

ChiChi took a seat, her bulging belly becoming more and more of a hassle. Much as it was fun to play the game of having a pregnant belly in the party, she didn't have the option to remove it.

Seeing her at the party was the first time it really hit Gohan.

"About the party." Her eyes wet, ChiChi took her son by the hand. "Gohan, you didn't have to do all that."

"I know." His answer was immediate. "But I wanted to."

Goku leaned over. "You're a sweet kid. Biggest heart I know of." His face was warm and full of understanding. "But we just don't want you thinkin' you owed us anythin'."

Gohan nodded. "I know Daddy. My therapist and I talked about it. I still feel regret about what happened at Bulma's party but not shame."

ChiChi inquired, more for Gohan's benefit of reinforcing the idea than her own. "And what's the difference between them?"

"Shame means you feel bad about who you are. Like there's something wrong with you. Regret is feeling bad about something you did."

Goku caught onto ChiChi's goal quickly like he always did. "And what do you regret?"

Gohan considered. Much as he wanted to just blurt out what he thought, taking time to consider and weigh his emotions was something he'd been working on. "I'm sorry that I made it so the party had to end because I broke Bulma's wall. I'm sorry I couldn't feel excited about the baby even though everyone else did. I'm sorry I made it so you and Mama couldn't celebrate like you ought to be able to." He paused at this, pondering his next set of words. "I can't undo that so I thought I'd give you a chance to celebrate. Even if it's a little late. Long as the baby's not out yet, that's okay, right?"

Shaking his head, Goku laughed "Little man, you didn't have to do anything. But I'm sure glad you did!"

Gohan grinned. A true genuine grin. "Me too. I loved seeing your faces. I think Bulma got it on camera too." He turned to his mother "And Mama helped save the dessert."

With a light airy laugh of her own, ChiChi wagged her finger in false censure. "I will not take credit for that. You did almost all the hard work."

"But you fixed the meringue part. That's the best part!"

With a shake of the head, she disagreed. "Just the part that takes experience to master. But meringue by itself isn't much of anything. You need the pie."

With that, the conversation drifted to the numerous gifts, cards and stack of baby name suggestions.

The latter has been a real surprise but it also made Goku and ChiChi realize they'd not truly begun to consider name possibilities. Gohan had laughed and said it didn't surprise him. So, he figured maybe a little help.

"Why don't you help us, Gohan?" Goku pushed a stack of the cards towards him. "They went kinda crazy. Maybe help us throw out the 'nopes'?"

Happy to be involved, Gohan took hold of them as his mother pulled out her notepad to jot down potentials. Occasionally, she would stop and grab at her belly as his brother made movements and Gohan would wince along with her. The bigger her belly got, the more he wondered, rather genuinely, if a good kick would dislodge her intestines.

"I think these are from Grandpa." Gohan shook his head. "They all have Ox in them."

ChiChi laughed. "Yeah, that would be your Grandpa. He hasn't given up."

"We're not really gonna name my brother Ox Junior, are we?"

Goku snorted, a loud chuckle in his throat and the two parents shook their heads nearly in unison. "Add that to the rejected pile."

Gohan wasted no time in doing so. There were several that had "ox" in the name. There were a few that seemed related to undergarments (probably Bulma) and a few others that while not necessarily bad, didn't exactly feel right.

By the time they'd parted through the long list of cards, there were three sitting on the table.

Gohan stared at them for a moment then burst out laughing. A deep series of guffaws.

"What's so funny?" His parents inquired together. It was so nice to hear him laugh. There always found their son's laugh one of the best sounds.

"These are all from us!"

Goku reached over, plucking the cards from the boy's hands abs flipping through them. Sure enough, he recognized Gohan, ChiChi and his writing. "Guess it is!"

Shaking her head, ChiChi laughed. "So we could have saved paper…oh, well. So what do we have?"

The boy and Goku looked over the suggestions, eyes a sparkle. "We have Chido, Godan and Goten."

The woman considered. "No guess who came up with what, is there?"

Goku pouted, almost looked insulted. "Aw, I thought Chido was good!"

Gohan giggled. "Daddy, it kinda sounds like a brand of chips."

Scratching his head a moment, Goku retorted. "I was trying to give your Mom some credit. She's gotta birth the boy!"

ChiChi smiled, hand on her rounded belly. "A nice effort but I don't think it's quite right. Maybe this one will pick his name like Gohan did." Smiling down at her belly, the child inside gave a sharp kick of agreement.

Gohan eyed her. "How long is it now?"

The woman took his hand. "He's due in three weeks but it could happen earlier. You came early. If your brother is anything like you, we'll be seeing him soon."

Soon. Three weeks. Gohan had been so caught up in the party planning he'd not really considered the time frame was so close. In three weeks, the baby brother would no longer be a thought, a possibility.

He would be here.

Uncertainty settled in his gut. He'd thought he was beyond that, beyond his feelings of fear, anger. He had been excited, hesitant but excited.

Now, all those emotions came rushing back, flooding his mind. He focused, reevaluated, but he still felt lost, drifting.

Sliding his chair back, Gohan walked from the room and took hold of one of his marker tokens, dropping it to the deeper part of his mood board. Not completely near the bottom but low regardless.

A hand settled on his shoulder and a moment later, a smaller hand joined it on his other shoulder. "What do you need, Gohan?" Daddy's voice was centered and he clung to it.

"I'm still excited," Gohan answered to the unspoken questions, pulling strength from the nearby presence. "I am. But now it's more…I dunno…real? If that makes sense."

"I think so too," Goku's tone was level. "The closer it gets, the more real it gets. Kinda does feel like a dream at first."

"What's gonna start happening?" Gohan's voice was heightened. Not quite panicked but certainly not calm as it had been. And he didn't know why. After all, he wasn't going to be pushing the kid out! "The closer it gets? I mean, I know he's moving and your ankles and back hurt…"

ChiChi answered quickly. "I'll get contractions when it gets closer to the birth. We might have a few false labors—where we think the baby's coming but he's not. But we may not."

"When you go to the hospital for the baby…do I have to go?"

The sudden question was like cold water. Goku and ChiChi looked physically struck and a rush of guilt and shame washed over Gohan. Too mentally exhausted to fight it, he sank to his knees.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm a bad son! I'm supposed to wanna help Mom and meet my brother and it's exciting but it's new and different and nothing will be the same and I'm scared! What if it's a bad different? What if it doesn't go okay? I dunno what I'm gonna feel when I meet him! I wanna be happy! I think I'll be happy! But what if I'm not?!"

"What if you are?" ChiChi kept her response calm though the prospect of her son not wanting to be there for the birth cut and it cut deep. But he was trying. He was trying to cope with all these emotions and when he had just come to terms with some pretty harsh truths about his childhood. Was it really so surprising he didn't want to face the catalyst of all this change head on?

"I dunno!" Gohan's response was rapid, swift. He wasn't thinking straight. Not because he didn't want to but because his mind was so flooded with emotion that he wasn't sure what to do.

Goku knelt, pulled his son tight into his chest. "So it's okay not to know. If you don't wanna be there, we ain't gonna make you." Maybe he should have asked ChiChi before making that promise but it seemed to make the most sense at the moment. If he didn't wanna be there, he didn't have to be.

"But don't decide right now, okay, little man? If you decide you don't wanna be, fine but let's take time to think about it." He held the boy tight. "For now, just recenter. I'm here. Mom's here. It's okay."

Gohan clung to him tight. He wanted to throw out the shame, challenge it, force the wonderful excitement he'd managed to have for the past few weeks to take center stage again. He wanted to be happy about this again!

But he was exhausted. So he just wept.

Chapter 55

Chapter Text

Gohan stared at the ceiling. Sleep was intermittent and despite his best efforts, the anxiety wouldn't leave his head. It had been a long time since it kept him awake this much.

Gohan rolled into his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow. The change in position didn't really do too much, aside from make the temperature a wee bit more palatable.

His mind refused to quiet. He pondered, ran through all kinds of scenarios and yet the anxiety would not stop. It had been a while since that happened. He'd found talking, music, stretching, sketching, coloring…all kinds of things would help him to refocus and recenter.

This felt like—

Like a trigger. Like when he'd been at the baby shower.

But how did that make sense? What was there that could have triggered him?

He was happy! Excited even for the baby. Well, sort of. More so than he had been for a long time.

So, why did the idea of going to the hospital when his mom was going to give birth cause THIS kind of reaction?

Giving up on sleep, Gohan kicked his sheets off and padded out of his room, down to the living room. Plopping down in front of the large windows, he opened them a crack, letting the sweet mountain air flood in. The feeling on his face, the scent helped to flood out those annoying thoughts.

Now what? It was obvious that something about Mom going to the hospital was pulling up emotions that were sending those feelings spiraling. But what? And why? He'd been to the hospital before. The people were nice, as much as one could expect, and even the food hadn't been terrible. Not Mom-tier but nothing really was.

Okay. Sit. Think. Review.

Maybe it wasn't the best choice to do this in the middle of the night but he reasoned that he wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep anyway. Might as well do something constructive.

So…the hospital. What was it about the hospital that bugged him so much? That got all those negative emotions flowing? It had to be something. Something he'd not considered before. Something he was overlooking.

"Okay." He spoke quietly to himself, still gazing outside. "Stupid brain. What's bugging you so much?"

Closing his eyes, Gohan focused. Hospitals. He'd been in them a few times. Never an enjoyable experience, because let's face it, no one wanted to be poked and prodded, especially if they were hurt or sick.

A shrill scream. One that had stuck in his mind. Him, a little five year old sitting next to his mother in the waiting room while they had been trying to patch up what was left of his father. Mom had said Dad was overreacting and even Krillin had seemed embarrassed for him ("Guy gets half killed and it's the needle he can't stand?") but Gohan had only heard his father howl in pain.

A crack. One right after the other—pop, pop, pop.

Daddy screeched.

Those had to have been ribs. Only bone made a sound like that. A crushing, snapping sound. And blood. So much blood, oozing from places it had no right to be exiting from.

Blood smelled like iron. Like a rusty foam on the tongue.

And Daddy was so still, just lying there where Vegeta threw him. And no matter what Gohan did, it was all he could to stay conscious. Daddy, get up. Please, get up. I'm afraid. I'm scared! I'm scared! Daddy, don't die!

Gohan broke from his memories with a shaky scream. Not too loud but enough it shook his lungs.

Looking around, Gohan steadied his heart. He was here. Not out on that bloodied battlefield watching his father be killed slowly right in front of him.

Was that it? Was it because the hospital was the reminder of that first battle? Of when he saw, with his own eyes, that his father was not a god? That he could be beaten?

When Daddy turned red and black because of the blood? Did you know certain kinds of blood was nearly black? Or that it could squirt out like a fountain?

Gohan knew.

"Gohan?"

The boy turned at the voice. His father was standing in the doorway and he could hear his mother right behind him.

"Gohan?" His father's voice called to him again. "Are you okay? What's the matter?"

Gohan stood, left the window open and ran to his father throwing his arms tight around him and shivered in his tears.

"It's where you were dead." He babbled.

"Huh?"

"The…the hospital. After you…after Vegeta hurt you so bad, they took you there. And I could hear you. It's where you were dying. Where you screamed cause they were hurting you and I couldn't stop it and I don't wanna feel that anymore! I don't wanna go back there! Don't make me go back!"

Goku held him tight.