David Velazquest. Seventeen and jacked, with flowing white locks that covered his square jawed face, David was the jock of the house. Every family big enough has one. He was the captain of every sports team imaginable (except for the girl ones, of course) and had both set and shattered many records in the county, indeed, even the state. He was a great athlete and would probably go pro one day, but he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. In fact, he was something of a meathead, and Delilah and the others picked on him about it. His nickname at home was Caveman, devised by Johnny because "He's big, dumb, and ugly" and every time someone made a stupid mistake, the boys refered to it as "Pulling a David."
David was essentially Leo's second in command. Naturally, he was skilled in MMA, karate, and every other fighting style you can imagine. He spent most of his free time training at the gym or watching MMA and boxing.
Oh, and pro wrestling. Everyone in the family loved pro wrestling, a passion they had inherited from their father, Jason. Dad was a huge mark from way back; he'd been watching since he was a kid, and had been to tons of shows. He was watching the night The Undertaker had his first match in the WWF and fondly remembered reaching out and touching him as he made his way to the ring. "It was magical," Dad would say in breathy, dreamy tones, "I didn't wash my hand for a month." Every week, Dad, Delilah, and the others would gather around the TV to watch wrestling. They watched every show from every promotion that they could get: WWE, AEW, NJPW, Impact, OVW, NWA Powerrr, and even CWA - Clown Wrestling Association, where everyone dressed as clowns and had goofy matches that would make Jim Cornette's head explode.
Despite being a meathead jock, David was a total bro and had a heart of gold. Anyway, he was a good dude. He didn't like bullies, could get along with almost anyone, and didn't look down at people for being fat or nerdy or whatever. Don't tell anyone this because it might hurt his street cred and make him mad, but he also really liked small, cute animals. He had a book on his nightstand called The ABCs of the Zoo. It was meant for toddlers and had a picture of an animal for every letter in the alphabet (Alpaca for A and so on). David would spend hours looking at the pictures and giggling like a little girl. "Kitty," he would say and stroke the picture of the kitten with his finger. "Pretty kitty. K-A-T that spells cat."
It was actually kind of wholesome anyway our story starts with David who went to the bathroom took his whiz, washed his hands, and brushed his teeth while he was at it.
Downstairs, David went into the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar from the pantry. In the living room, Larry and Sammy were sitting on the couch with a couple microwaved breakfast sandwiches using the TV. Larry had Sammy in his lap and the two were watching a recording of the family's favorite TV show, 'WWA World Wrestling Association'. David was actually a little interested in watching it himself. David decided to sneak up on his brothers who were watching grown men and women with colorful costumes and identities throw each other around a ring and act out soap operatic story-lines for the moment. As he got closer, hearing Larry yelling out, "And he goes for the body slam! Can Sammy get out of this one?!" followed by a thud from the couch cushion while his youngest brother Sammy giggled.
Heh, cute. He really did love his little bros. He run over and picked both of them up to throw on the couch, yelling out some fake commentary as he did so. He heard both Larry and Sammy squeal with delight at getting to wrestle with him.
One of his favorite things to do was playing sports with his family wrestling was one of their favorite pastimes, but honestly he liked playing any kind of sports with his family since there was so many of them they were able to make teams out of it. They played football, hockey, they even had a hoop to play basketball speaking of basketballs one of his younger brothers Johnny like spinning one on his hand he remembered he didn't always have it perhaps it was a gift from Lynn Jr.? Those two are always hanging out David also like hanging out with Lynn Jr. as well she likes to train with David for times whenever she wanted to get some extra practicing For an upcoming game.
Another thing David like doing was driving his Seafoam green 1970-73 Firebird. He got his driver license months ago after he did he helped drive his family to places Delilah to her job at dad's comic book store the Comic Book Nook, Frankie to the planetarium, Luis to The Burnt Bean for his meeting with the Morticians Club they used to hold meeting at the cemetery, but Luis suggested a more warm and none disease ridden place.
In the four months that he helped them out, David became an expert driver. He was young but he was such a darn good driver however he never thought he'd wind up teaching someone as old as him how to handle a motor vehicle, yet here he was, strapped into the passenger seat or Vanzilla while Leni sat behind the wheel. Leni was wearing her special driving outfit. She was tapping her chin and looking at the dash panel with a confused expression.
It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and they were in the vast parking lot of the old K-Mart on Route 10. The store went out of business last year after a decade of being a local punchline for having low quality stuff, empty shelves, and trashy sales associates, and it had stood empty ever since. Unless you count the two months last year Spirit Halloween rented it. Luis freaking loved Spirit Halloween. It had all the best masks, costumes, and decorations. If you got him in there, he'd make it rain like an old lady at Hobby Lobby.
One day he was wrapping up playing basketball in the Loud House driveway with Johnny and Lynn Jr. she recruited him to play a game of HORSE with her. Johnny was pretty good at basketball, but she was better, and beat David beat Lynn. "Ready for round two?" Lynn Jr. asked with a cocky smile.
David was about to answer, but saw Leni walking by with a hammer, nails, and boards she tripped and made a mess.
David run up his girlfriend, "Leni! Are you ok? What are you doing with all this stuff?"
Leni rubbed her head, "I need a ride to the mall, so Lori told me to make her bed, which is weird, cause I'm pretty sure she already has one."
David was confused, "Wait. Lori makes you do chores for rides?
Lynn Jr. walked up with Johnny following, "Yeah Miss in charge makes us do junk for her. I'm sick of sanding Lori's calluses! Ugh, barf!"
Johnny spun his basketball, "Aren't you old enough to drive yourself to the mall?"
Leni looked away, "Yeah, but I failed the driving test 12 times. Everyone's given up on teaching me. Dad's still mad about the Fire Hydrant Paperboy Nun Incident."
Flashback to said incident. Leni has crashed Vanzilla into a tree and set a fire hydrant to spring a leak with a nun screaming at the top of her lungs in a panic and a paper boy is hanging by a branch.
Leni looked towards her dad, "Should I leave a note?"
Lynn Sr. is riding shotgun with his face covered with an airbag and sobbing over his daughter's failure. Back to the present.
David rubbed his chin, "What if I teach you to drive?"
Leni got excited, "Wow! You have your license?"
David punched his chest, "Yeah, I'm the world's awesomest driver ever!"
Leni grew eager, "FUN!"
Johnny blew a raspberry. "You teach Leni to drive? Okay."
"What?" David asked. "I could and you know it."
"No you couldn't. She can't even drive a lawnmower." Johnny said with a smirk.
Flashback to when Leni tried mowing the lawn with a driving lawnmower.
Leni was panicking, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Make it stop! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" She drives the mower through the hedges while shrieking her head off; end of flashback.
"Wanna bet on it?" David asked.
To his surprise, Johnny did; he bet a $100 dollar Burpin' Burger gift card that David couldn't apply his skills to helping Leni get her license. That offended the heck out of David so he took the challenge; Johnny really thought he couldn't teach her, huh? Okay then, get ready to be proved wrong, White Hair. David was confident that he could teach Leni.
David couldn't help but feel for her. Leni was kind of...well...Leni-ish, but he was David-ish so If anyone could teach her it was him.
Back to now. Leni tapped her chin and brushed her teeth nervously over her bottom lip. David often compared his girlfriend Leni to Spongebob Squarepants. She had taken her drivers' test a good dozen times and had miserably failed each go around. One of the last time she took a test, she made the driving instructor jump from the car out of terror. It was only by the grace of God that she didn't slam into the gas pumps outside of Flip's and turn downtown into one big weenie roast (I think you're looking for THAT gas station...Super Weenie-Mart?).
It was weird. Driving is easy as frick.
Finally giving up, she turned to David. "What do I do?"
"Okay," David said, "First to get started. You put on your seatbelt. You can't drive if you're not alive."
David watches her as she puts on her seatbelt, "Next you put your hands at ten and two on the wheel."
"But I only have ten fingers. How do I add two?"
"No silly," David said patiently, "It's a saying thingy. Imagine the wheel is a big clock. Put your hands where the 10 and the 2 would be."
Leni smiled. "Oh, okay." She turned to the wheel and stared derpily at it, "But there aren't any numbers on the steering wheel! I'm just gonna put my hands here."
She puts her hands on the 10 and 2 o'clock position anyway.
"Okay," she piped, "I'm ready." She hunched over the wheel, furrowed her brow determinedly, and turned the wheel from side to side. "WAIT! I need my special driving smoothie!" She grabs a smoothie and takes a sip, "It's a soy pumpkin cookie crumble cream. It's seasonal!"
David smiled, "Great. You're fueled up! ready?"
Leni grabbed the wheel, "I, like, have the need for speed."
David stopped her. "To start with, you need to have a need for safety."
He made her check all the mirrors. He adjusted the one on his side so that she could see better, then helped her with the rearview. "You need to see the whole back window. On your side, you need to see just a little sliver of car."
When she was finished, she looked at him. "Now what?"
"Now you start the car, put your foot on the brake, and put it in drive." David said.
Leni looked confused at the pedals.
David noticed her confusion, "The middle pedal is the brake Leni. What does the brake pedal do?"
Leni doesn't know.
David gets worried, but something crazy happens he gets a idea," Leni! White shoes after Labor Day!"
Leni looks disgusted, "Ew, stop!"
David smiled, "Exactly! Imagine the brake pedal is a white high heel shoe."
Leni twisted the keys in the ignition and the van's engine coughed into life, the frame vibrating like the vehicle was going to explode into a million pieces. Leni put it in drive and looked at him. "Now ease off the brake."
Nodding, Leni eased off the brake and the van crept forward. "I did it."
David smiled, "Sweet! Now the gas pedal. What does the gas pedal do?"
Leni doesn't know.
David poses like a 60's dancer, "Boots from the 60's."
Leni smiled, "Go-Go!"
She toed the gas and they started to roll.
"Keep it straight," David said. He looked down at Leni's feet and frowned. "Your left foot is on the white heel."
"Yeah." Leni said.
"Get that foot out of there. You use your right foot only."
"But what if I have to stop quickly?" she asked and looked at him.
"Eyes on the road," he ordered.
Leni faced forward again.
"You only use your right foot and only the very tippy top of it, not the whole foot. You want to toe the Go-Go." He checked her foot again. "Which you're doing good right now. Your foot could stand to be a little lower, though."
She moved it and David made a circle with his thumb and forefinger. "Perfect. Now, when you're driving, you want to keep your eyes straight and focused in the distance. That way you have a wider field of vision and can see everything that's going down."
"Right." Leni said.
"Turn left at this stop sign."
Leni doesn't know.
"I mean, turn to your good side." David said.
Leni gets it and turns to her good side.
Even later, after close analysis, David wouldn't be able to figure out what exactly happened next, but for some reason, Leni sped up as she approached the stop sign and jerked the wheel hard to the left. The van skidded, the tires kicking up clouds of smoke on the pavement, and started to roll. David's heart rocketed into his mouth and he held on for dear life as the van tipped. The world spun around once, then twice, then finally, they landed right side up the van rocking heavily from side to side. Leni gripped the wheel tightly, her face white with fear, and David sucked great gulps of air into his heaving lungs. "Oops," Leni said sheepishly.
David's first instinct was to let out a loud scream of excitement asking her to do it again, but he stopped himself because that likely would not be helpful, "That was epic, but we should check the van for damage."
They hopped out and walked around the van, meeting up at the front end. Shockingly, there wasn't a scratch on her...at least not a scratch that hadn't been there before. "Yay," Leni said. She clapped her hands and jumped up and down.
"No! Not yay." David said. "You took that turn way too fast. You didn't even stop. You're supposed to come to a full stop at stop signs. If this was a real road, you could have gone in front of someone and they could have hit us. Right now we could be fighting for our lives. Driving is no joke, Leni. Safety really does come first because if you aren't safe, you're dead."
Leni lowered her head like a scolded dog and David instantly felt bad. She had to hear this, though; she needed to know how important road safety was, for her own good and for the good of other drivers. "I know," she said heavily.
"You're not the first person this sort of thing has happened to," he said, softening his tone. He hugged her and kissed her on forehead and she looked at him with a hopeful glimmer. "Come on, let's get back to it."
They got back into the van and put their seatbelts on. "Remember what I told you. Hands at 10 and 2, right foot only, toe the Go-Go."
"Okay," Leni said. She took a series of deep breaths and stole a quick look at him. "I'm a little nervous. It's really nice of you to help me and I want to make you proud."
"I'm very proud of you." David said.
She blushed.
Putting the van in drive again, she pulled onto the service road leading to the street, narrowed her eyes in concentration, and navigated the van toward the end of the lane. At the last minute, David had her turn right at a stop sign. "A little shaky," he said, "but better than the last one. Keep a tight grip on the wheel and control the car. You have to do it in one smooth motion."
"Got it," Leni said, sounding resolved.
They worked on turns and braking for most of the afternoon, and later, at home, Leni hummed with energy like a transformer box. "I've never had so much fun behind the wheel," she said, "I can't wait to go out tomorrow."
Monday afternoon, they worked a little more on turns and braking, David guiding her with the care and patience of a learned scholar. Someone had left a shopping car parked near one of the spaces, and David had her pull up alongside it. "Now we're gonna parallel park. What you gotta do is turn the wheel to your good side one full turn and back up. When you're at a 45 degree angle, turn it twice to the left and back in"
She looked confused.
"Here, let me show you." David said.
They switched seats and David had her watch closely as he parallel parked. He did it four times, twice so she could watch how he manipulated the wheel and twice so that she could see how he maneuvered the van. "This looks really tricky," she worried.
"It's not," David promised. "Once you get the hang of it, it's the easiest thing in the world."
Leni took a deep breath and nodded.
For the next two hours, they worked on parallel parking. The first couple dozen times, she was way off, and almost wrecked the van into a light pole. After that, however, she started to improve. She would never be great at parallel parking, but as long as she could do it well enough to pass the test, David didn't care.
On Saturday They started out small, driving up and down a maze of side streets and eventually graduating to secondary streets. Once she got in the groove, Leni was actually a decent driver. Her turns were still shaky and she sometimes forgot the turn signal when she was changing lanes, but overall, she actually did well. David was impressed.
That night, David and Leni sat on his bed and pored over the driver's handbook. David quizzed her and she read all the signs and rules of the road. "When's your next test?" David asked.
"Monday," she said.
That was the day after tomorrow.
"Alright," David said, "I will help you."
And help her he did. For the next forty-eight hours, they spent almost every waking moment driving and studying the driver's manual. She was hit or miss with turns but her parallel parking game was on point. "I'm really proud of you, Leni," David said. "You're doing great."
Leni beamed. "Thank you, David."
The day of the test, David accompanied her and Mr. Loud to the DMV. They waited behind a line of cars parked at the curb for the driving instructor and David took the opportunity to give Leni a pep talk. When the instructor showed up, David and Mr. Loud got out and stood on the curb while Leni took the instructor on a brief drive. "I hope she passes," Mr. Loud worried.
"She will," David said, "I believe in her."
For what seemed like forever, David and Mr. Loud waited in suspense. Finally, the car appeared and parked in front of them. The driver side window buzzed down and Leni stuck her head out. "I passed!" she cried.
Mr. Loud cheered and David beamed proudly. "I knew you could do it. I'm proud you!"
She got out of the car and he swept her into a big hug. Leni hugged him back. "Thank you, David for everything. I'm proud of me too! Turns out I could do it all along. I just needed a little confidence. It was pretty scary, but totes worth it for this hug."
"It was my pleasure, now let's get your gift." David said.
Leni was confused. Eventually the three made their way towards a car dealership Leni's eyes widen, "OMgosh! are you getting me a car?!"
David scratched his cheek, "Yeah I figured what's the point of having a license if you didn't have a car? I was saving for one myself, but my grandpa gave me one so I figured why not put the money towards giving you a car."
Leni hugged David and started kissing him all over his face, "D-DAVID!" Leni didn't just hug David. She started to plant kisses all over his face, surprising him greatly and making him feel embarrassed.
"L-Leni! G-geez…" Leni giggled and continued to kiss David, his red face turning even redder. She wouldn't let up.
After getting out of the car Leni looked around eventually she saw a car that screamed to her it was a seafoam green fiat 500.
Leni jumped up and down, "David can we get this one it's tots adorable?"
David looked it over, "I like it, but isn't a little run down?"
Leni smiled and put her hands together, "It's okay Lana is totes good with cars we can just have her fix it."
David did know Lana knew her way around a toolbox, "Okay Leni if you want this car we'll buy it let's head to the dealer guy."
After making their purchase Leni decided she wanted to drive her new car back home, the two waved goodbye to Lynn Sr. as they drove out of the car dealership.
"David thanks for helping me without your help I wouldn't even have a car right now you're the best boyfriend ever." Leni said.
David smiled, "Yeah I am the best boyfriend ever and you're the best girlfriend ever too! Now come on let's head home I have a gift card from my little bro to pick up."
The two second oldest of their big families drove off into the sunset as they headed home.
THE END.