Life 1:7
After returning to camp, Runningwind found that his mind was swarming with a myriad of thoughts, about his apprentice's condition, about what it meant to be immortal, about how impossible this all was, about how inadequate he felt to be the one to handle it. Snakepaw briefly asked if there was anything else he could do. Unknowing of how to handle the apprentice, Runningwindd just suggested Snakepaw go and help the elders.
"Well, technically I'm more elderly than any of them. I bet they had my spryness at their age, but ok. I'll go and keep them happy. You can count on me." Snakepaw replied with his familiar exuberance, dashing off to his new task.
"His smile, such a tragic façade." Runningwind thought to himself. How could anyone be happy with a life eternally filled with suffering? This was all too much for him. He needed to talk to Bluestar. Firepaw seemed to be in the same situation, so Runningwind gestured for him to follow. They soon found themselves within Bluestar's den. Bluestar, somehow having sensed something like this was going to happen to them today, just waited patiently for Runningwind to speak.
"Snakepaw told us everything today." Runningwind mewed, still reeling from the reveal and finding it difficult to put his thoughts into words.
"You're going to have to tell me more. I can't help you unless I know how much Snakepaw told you. I need to know for sure." Bluestar replied, hinting at the strange condition surrounding knowing of Snakepaw's true life.
"Snakepaw is old… Like, really old. He's been here with us since even before the clans. He told us about what he was, a cat forever cursed to never grow up and always come back… How can he stand to survive like that?" Runningwind mewed, his voice heavy with emotion.
"I'm surprised. Snakepaw isn't usually able to tell many cats about his past except a select few who always somehow become heavily involved in prophecy. How did he manage it?" Bluestar asked, ignoring Runningwind's inquiry.
"He took us to this tree. He called it the Place Where We Touch the Stars. It was powerful, like the Moonstone. It felt, for lack of a better word, divine. Everything felt so in focus and clear. There's really nothing like it. He said the spirits there would help to let me overcome the condition. It worked, but that place seemed to have lost its power." Runningwind answered, reveling in the memory of that tree. For some reason, he just knew that seeing that place would forever be a cherished memory, even if it was just a fleeting visit.
"Snakepaw once told me he knew of secret places of power. I'm just surprised he decided to use that one. Usually, he reserves sharing his past for a visit to the Moonstone or sneaks them over to Fourtrees to call on the spirits who founded the clans. You must be something special to him." Bluestar mewed, clearly reminiscing on a trip she went on with Redtail. She snapped out of her daze after a moment and fixed Runningwind with a look. "Now what has you concerned?"
"It's just… How do I even help someone like him? Not that I don't want to, but he's just so… sad. I can't even imagine watching my friends grow old without me, let alone see them one day just become my enemy. Can we even matter to him if we're nothing more than a flash of lightning to his eternally stormy life? I want to help him. I really do, but what good am I in comparison to what he's already experienced." Runningwind rambled, feeling the full weight of what Bluestar requested of him.
Bluestar, knowing that Runningwind would continue to spiral if he continued, smacked him lightly to get his attention. Runningwind responded with pleading eyes, looking for an answer. Bluestar let out a huff. As sad as it was, there was no cure to Snakepaw's cycle, but she could offer advice. "Let me tell you something important. More cats than are even in the clan right now have tried to free Snakepaw. None have succeeded. Going all the way back to your first question, how can he even stand this… The answer is that he cherishes these small moments. What you call brief flashes of lightning are experiences that he holds tight to. He may not remember us forever, but while he does, he tries to live in our honor. Like seeing a flower bloom in the spring. Is the moment not beautiful even if it is fleeting? Is it not worth witnessing because it only lasts a short while? This is how Snakepaw views us. To him, we are something utterly beautiful. We are a nirvana he can never attain. He'll never grow up to love or have kits of his own, but he enjoys seeing ours. It was fascinating when he told me so long ago that the reason he grew to like me so much was because my own great grandmother looked so much like me and was once his mentor. At the same time, he's chosen to forgo ever really growing up and maturing. He will forever be bound to the body of an apprentice, so he chooses to act like one. Tell me, what was it he did with you that made him truly happy?" Bluestar queried after her lecture on Snakepaw's nature.
Runningwind, wiping his eye for a moment, gave a somewhat choked response. "Well… He liked when he taught me how to turn off a tree. He just looked so excited that someone was taking him seriously."
Bluestar turned her attention to Firepaw, who thus far had been silently listening. "And you Firepaw?" She asked.
"He likes to prank me. While I was originally mad that he made fun of me when we first met, I think I get it now. He wanted to befriend me as an apprentice and not some ancient cat. Will knowing what he is change things?" Firepaw inquired after giving his answer.
Bluestar tilted her head in thought on how to properly respond. "Yes and no. Snakepaw will remain the same, but you will never see him the same way again. You may try to justify or even berate him for acting so kittish, but he has his charms. I think he works so hard to keep us happy is because of what Runningwind said, we're gone in a flash to him. He wants to make the most of every moment with us. Making it worse is just how short one of his lives is. He'll never fully see one of our lives. He disappears for about two years, and by then you'll have grown and have your own kits. If there is one thing I learned from Snakepaw, it is that one should try to find enjoyment in their life, even if they have been through their fair share of tragedy. That's why the best advice I can give you about him is to enjoy your time together, because we never know when he'll be gone again."