A Sovereign Summer, Chapter 7
Chapter 7, In Which Ginevra Molly Weasley Has a Rather Portentous Dream
Ginevra Molly Weasley, known to all and sundry as Ginny, unless you wanted a taste of her favorite hexes-the most well-known of which, of course, was the Bat-Bogey-was not having a good summer. Granted, it was better than the summer after her first year, the memory of which caused her to shudder and immediately turn her mind to other things. But that didn't mean it wasn't turning out to be awful. To be fair, the weather was beautiful, and looked like it would continue, with warm, even hot, days, and cool nights, which helped her sleep better. But that was the rub-her sleep. The summer she turned twelve had been characterized, more than anything, by screaming nightmares. Every night either her mum or dad would have to sit by her, hold her hand, and sing her lullabies. She hadn't ever told them her secret, though; it wasn't really the lullabies that helped her sleep.
This summer the nightmares seemed to have returned with a vengeance. They tended to include parts of all the bad times in Ginny's life; the Chamber, the end of the Tri-Wizard tournament when Harry reappeared on the Quidditch Pitch holding Cedric's lifeless body; the sight of Harry's scarred and bleeding hand after his detentions with Umbridge. And now they included the battle in the Department of Mysteries, with the Death Eaters casting curses, and the desperate fight they had to try to stay alive, let alone escape. Tonight, for example, Ginny had dreamed that Bellatrix had started to cast a spell at Ginny, as had happened in the real fight, but this time, Harry hadn't stepped in front of her, and the spell had hit her. In her dream it was the Cruciatus Curse, and it hurt more than anything, but what made it even worse was that dream Harry started screaming in her place, as if the spell were hurting him rather than her. She had been rather happy to wake up from that.
Knowing it would be awhile before she could calm down enough to get to sleep again, she wrapped her robe around her, covering up the faded Quidditch jersey she slept in, which had once been Charlie's, and headed down to the kitchen. She had been wearing that particular shirt to sleep in for quite some time, ever since she had told her mother that she was "too old to sleep in flannel pajamas with feet and little fluffy bunnies". Her reasons for continuing to wear it were somewhat confusing, even to herself. She loved her brother, that was for sure, but every night when she pulled it over her head, looked in the mirror, and saw the words "Gryffindor Seeker", the little thrill of happiness that coursed through her definitely wasn't a feeling that any type of brother ever caused his sister.
In the kitchen she padded over to the stove and started the kettle to boiling. Hot chocolate was just the thing to help her relax. She had heard of something called caffeine, and Hermione had mentioned that chocolate contained it, and that hot chocolate should in no way contribute to relaxation, but Ginny was sure that her mother's hot chocolate recipe took that into account. Whatever it was, she was grateful for the help that it gave her.
The candles in the kitchen, turned down to their nighttime setting, gave off a soft glow, and the slow susurrus that her mother's clock gave off, comprised of the combination of all the hands, except her own of course, breathing slowly and deeply, indicating the state of each represented family member, gave her a warm, comforting feeling, as if all were right with the world. Of course, there was still that nightmare to deal with, so as she waited for the water to heat, she turned her mind into its practiced course of relaxation.
First, she built up a mental picture of the scene. She had been crumpled to the floor, with that stupid broken ankle. Bellatrix LeStrange had seen her there, and the wild look in her eyes had turned evilly happy, as if there were nothing better she wanted to do than to take advantage of the red-headed girl. The crazed madwoman had advanced on her, and in her dream had cast the curse right away. She forced herself to replace the dream image with reality. Harry had seen what was happening, and lunged over to stand between the woman and the girl. Ginny hadn't been able to see his face, but his voice, as he challenged Bellatrix, was forceful and somewhat dangerous. Ginny closed her eyes, letting the memory wash over her. She had felt so. . . maybe important was the word she was looking for. Important to Harry, that he would face down the crazed lunatic to protect her. At the time she had figured it was just his 'saving people thing' asserting itself, but there had been signs, little signs, that maybe there had been some other reason for his interference. As he had helped her to her feet later, he had looked at her with pride, but it was alloyed with a possessiveness that Ginny had been shocked to see. At first she had convinced herself that he was just taking care of her as a brother would do to a sister. But then, on the way home, when she had mentioned that she had chosen Dean Thomas, something flashed in his eyes that made her think that perhaps Harry hadn't really been thinking of her as a sister at all.
The teakettle whistled softly, alerting her to its state of readiness, and she moved to finish the rest of her preparations. Drink made, she seated herself at the table again, and sipped slowly. Her mind drifted back again to the fight in the Ministry, and to her own reactions to Harry's actions. If anyone else had presumed to come between her and her adversary, she would have given them the fight of their life, for trying to protect her. But with Harry, somehow it had been different. The attitude he had been projecting had been one of covering a downed comrade rather than protecting the weak little girl, and that, Ginny found, had made all the difference.
As always, spending enough quiet minutes thinking of Harry, (she had found through the past years that it didn't really matter what she thought about him, just that she thought about him in her life), helped her regain peace. The summer after the Chamber she had realized the calming effect of his presence in her mind, and spent many nights fantasizing of possible futures. Eventually she had realized something very important; as much as she loved Harry from afar, he wasn't really ready for a relationship with anyone, especially someone like her, who would not be in it for a quick snog. So, she forced herself to keep him in the back of her mind, and spent her time learning, and growing, while surreptitiously watching him to make sure he was all right. Well, in the back of her mind while it was daytime. At night, though, when the nightmares would hit, she would bring those thoughts to the forefront and ponder them some more. It was in this way that she had been able to monitor his life. She doubted if even Hermione knew how easily Ginny could read Harry's moods during the school year. Of course, every summer he had to spend time at the Dursleys (Ginny always pronounced that name with a couple rather descriptive epithets in her own mind), she would wonder what state he would be in when he returned to the Burrow, and it would take a while to figure him out again. But she had gotten very good at this, and found that it gave her a certain sense of proprietariness towards the boy. Sure, Hermione and Ron might spend more time with him, but they weren't the ones that were able to help him last year when he was so wrapped up in his own misery during that Christmas, nor help him talk to his Godfather. She was rather proud that she had been able to join the group that went to the Ministry, with a minimum of fuss from Harry, and hoped that this next year she'd continue to be a part of the group, although she wasn't hanging all her hopes on the possibility.
She went to take another sip of her hot chocolate, and realized that she had finished it all. Sighing, she rose and put the mug in the sink, to be washed by the flannel that lived there, and wandered over to the clock. Whispering quietly, she removed the obscuring charm that her mother had placed on Harry's hand. It read Doing Time, but Happy, which Ginny hadn't ever seen before. Puzzled, she obscured the hand again and climbed the stairs to her bedroom, pondering what could be helping Harry be happy on Privet Drive.
She crawled into her bed, allowed herself a moment to think about what it would be like to be crawling in next to her husband, who always had messy black hair and piercingly green eyes in her imagination, and settled down to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.
While it was true that she had no further nightmares that night, it would not be true to say that it was the most peaceful sleep she had ever had. For, as soon as she had slipped into the dreaming state, she found herself in a wide, flower-filled meadow. She looked down, and saw that she was barefoot, which never bothered her, and wearing a gauzy white sundress and, of all things, a straw hat. The scent of the wildflowers was enough to lift her heart, and the air was redolent with the buzz of honeybees.
"Pleasant place, isn't it?" came a sweet voice from right next to her.
"Yes, it's lovely. Do you know it?" Ginny asked, accepting the presence as one would a long-time friend that one hasn't seen in awhile.
"Of course. It's the meadow behind my house."
"Really? I'd love to visit it someday, where is it?" Ginny inquired.
"Godric's Hollow," came the answer, and Ginny turned to face the other person so quickly that, if it hadn't been a dream, she would have given herself a crick in her neck.
Standing next to her was a young woman, only slightly taller than Ginny herself was. The other girl had deep red hair, so dark as to appear brown in shadow. She was slim, as Ginny was, but more womanly, as if she had finished her growing, and Ginny found herself envying her figure. Then the other girl turned to look at Ginny, and Ginny gasped. Those were Harry's eyes. Ginny immediately reached a conclusion.
"Lily? I mean, Mrs. Potter? Are you. . . Um, is that really you?"
The other woman laughed, a merry, carefree laugh that made Ginny want to laugh along. "Yes, I am she. I am the one that passed along these eyes to your Harry, the one that managed to protect him from Voldemort's Killing Curse, and the one that has chosen to visit you in a dream. Any other questions?"
Ginny smiled. She thought maybe she would really like Harry's mum. "I never thought I'd dream about you. Are you really here?"
"After a manner, yes. Will you walk with me? I have quite a few things I need to talk to you about, and I always find it easier to talk while walking, it makes it much less formal."
Ginny nodded, and they started to stroll along. Ginny noticed that Lily wasn't wearing shoes either, and liked her even more.
"Lily. . . Mrs. Potter, I mean-"
"Please, Miss Weasley, call me Lily. Any time someone says 'Mrs. Potter' I look around to see if James' mother is here. And may I call you Ginny?"
"Of course!"
"Thank you. Now, what were you going to say?"
"Um, oh, yeah, you said that you were here after a manner. What do you mean by that?"
Lily sighed. "That's kind of complicated, but the gist of it is that I needed to talk to you, so it was granted me. You see, Harry came pretty close to dying this week."
Ginny gasped. "Oh no! What happened?"
"He had given up on life, to put it bluntly. He had just lost Sirius, due to what he thought were his own errors. He had just been told the Prophecy-"
"Harry knows the Prophecy? How? It got destroyed in the fight!"
"Yes, the record was destroyed, but the Headmaster knows what it says, and told Harry right after bringing him back from the Ministry. I personally think that was colossally bad timing, but he has his reasons, I guess."
Ginny's face darkened. "What? Right after the fight? You mean Professor Dumbledore didn't even give Harry time to get healed or anything before telling him what it said?"
Lily nodded. "Yes, like I said, colossally bad timing. Even worse when you know what the prophecy said."
"Let me guess, Harry has to fight Voldemort, right?"
Lily nodded again. "Good guess. There are some details, but the gist of it is that Harry is the one that has to defeat Voldemort. How did you know?"
"It wasn't that hard-why else would Voldemort keep coming after Harry? And why else would Harry keep finding himself in situations where he has to fight him?"
"True. The power behind the prophecies makes it possible for them to be fulfilled, and you've noticed that power operating in his life. Well, anyway, there was one other reason that he had given up on life, but we'll get to that in a minute. Anyway, he had chosen to just lie in his bed and let himself go, and was pretty close to succeeding. If you had taken the time to check his hand earlier this week, it would have been on Mortal Peril." Lily looked at Ginny sideways, to see how the younger girl took the subtle rebuke.
Ginny bowed her head, ashamed. "I know, I should have. I just, it's been rather hectic getting back into the rhythm of home, and it's only tonight that I thought of doing it."
"I'm not judging you, Ginny, but don't forget to keep watch over that man of yours."
"But, but he's not my man! And he's not my Harry either!"
"Ah, but you wish he were, don't you?"
Ginny was well-known for her blushes, and this was one of the brighter ones. "Yes," she mumbled. Then she looked back up at Lily and spoke more clearly. "Yes, I do wish he were mine, but I'm not going to sit around like a princess in a tower and just wait for him to do something."
"So you're not Rapunzel, then."
"Who?"
"Rapunzel. She was a princess in a Muggle fairy tale who waited in a tower and let her hair grow really long so that when a prince finally came to rescue her, he could climb up her hair."
Ginny just stared. "What a stupid princess! If the hair was that long, she could have cut it off, made a rope, and climbed down herself. You see, that's exactly why princesses are so stupid-they always just wait for the prince to come rescue them!"
"Hmmm. And you don't like that, then?"
"No! The stupid girl should be able to fight for herself. Sitting around waiting for someone else to come just proves that you're really not worth. . rescuing. . . anyway. . ." and with that, Ginny burst into tears.
Lily put her arms around the girl and patted her on the back whispering meaningless phrases that all mothers seem to just know; maybe the act of motherhood instills them into their heads.
After Ginny had calmed down a bit, Lily spoke. "And you think that because Harry had to rescue you, he's going to think that you're worthless?"
Ginny just nodded, shamefaced. "I love him so much, but he's going to decide that he can find someone better than a silly little girl who writes in diaries and gets possessed. Sure, I might be okay for some things, I play Quidditch pretty well, and I can hold my own in a fight, but when he really looks at me, he's just going to see that little girl, down in the Chamber, and pass me over for Cho bloody Chang!"
Lily smiled. "Oh, Ginny. I'm so sorry that you feel that way about yourself. I can understand what you're thinking. We're all plagued by doubts about our own self-worth. I spent a lot of time ignoring James because I didn't believe that he could be interested in me, a poor Muggle-born, when he was this rich, handsome heir to an important family. If I'd just given him a chance, though, to explain, we could have been together so much sooner. And as for Harry, I think you're selling him a little short. Has he ever brought up anything that would indicate he thinks you're still a silly little girl?"
Ginny shook her head.
"And he won't. In fact, if you ask him, I bet he'll tell you how proud he is of you for standing up to Riddle for a whole year. I mean, that took a lot of power, courage, and determination, and he's not stupid. I think it'll do both of you a lot of good to sit down and discuss this."
Ginny nodded, then shook her head. "But, he's not interested in me, or at least, I don't think he is."
"Ginny, let's be honest, okay? Harry really hasn't had a lot of experience with girls. That Chang girl was the completely wrong person to teach him about relationships. She needed something that Harry didn't have, and Harry needed someone who would be a partner, not a princess in a tower." They shared a wry grin at the reference. "You have the unique ability to empathize with Harry with regards to Voldemort. You were both possessed by him-"
Ginny gasped. "What? When was Harry. . . I didn't know!"
"When Dumbledore and Harry were in the atrium with Voldemort and Bellatrix, Voldemort temporarily possessed Harry. But he was driven out by Harry's thoughts of his friends. Harry thought of the people he loved, and Voldemort couldn't stand that, and fled. But you see, you two can support each other in ways that no-one else can. And you know yourself that he's starting to notice you as more than just a little sister, right?"
Ginny nodded. "That's true. I just wish I knew more. Every time he comes back from his Aunt's house, I have to work pretty hard to learn him again."
Lily chuckled. "That's true, but I think that this year it might be a little bit easier. You see, for the past two nights, and tonight also, he's been receiving visits from people. Cedric was first, then Sirius. Tonight his father is visiting him."
Ginny was stunned. "You mean, like you're visiting me?"
"No. Because Harry was so close to death, we're actually able to visit him in our spirit bodies. This means that he can actually feel us, and talk to us when he's awake."
"That's wonderful!" Ginny exclaimed. "He'll be so happy! Oh, he's going to be so much better this year, thank you, thank you!" She threw her arms around Lily and hugged her as hard as she could.
"Yes, I thought you'd be happy about that. I get to visit him tomorrow, but I wanted to visit with you first. The result of our conversation will make a difference in what I talk to him about, so I need to discuss some serious things with you, okay?"
Ginny sobered, then nodded. "Of course, Lily. I'll do whatever it takes to help Harry."
"All right, then." They had approached the edge of the meadow by now, and started to meander through the trees. "Now, you mentioned that you love Harry. Are you completely sure that what you feel is love? It's not just some crush that you have on The Boy Who Lived, is it?"
Ginny blushed again. "Well, it used to be. But as I've watched him, and especially this past year as I've become friends with him, I've found that I don't know anyone named The Boy Who Lived. But I do know Harry James Potter, moody, courageous, handsome, kind Harry Potter. And I love him. I can't think of anyone who even comes close to measuring up to him."
"What about, what was his name? Michael Corner?"
"Oh, well, Michael asked me out, and since Harry wasn't interested in me, I agreed. I wanted Harry, but didn't want to be that princess in the tower. So I went out with him."
"Did you like him? Or maybe love him?"
"Sure I liked him, but that's all it ever was. I never even came close to thinking I loved him. In fact, we broke up because he kept telling me he loved me, and I never told him the same." Ginny paused. "Well, that and I didn't like kissing him very much, which made him rather upset."
Lily smiled. "Yeah, kissing someone you don't really care for is boring at best. Okay, so, what about this Dean Thomas chap?"
"Dean's a nice guy. He's handsome, and talented, and I thought we could have a fun time together while I was waiting for something better. We agreed to write over the summer, and I'm going to ride with him back to school in the fall, and if things worked out, then I would probably be his girlfriend. But what you're saying makes me think that I should probably cut that relationship off, right?"
Lily got a thoughtful look on her face. "No," she said slowly. "I don't think you should dump Dean just like that. It's not going to hurt Harry to know that you have other options. I'm of the opinion that you two would be perfect for each other, and I think that eventually my darling son will wake up to that realization too. But if it takes a long time, why not go out with Dean and have fun in the meantime? So, I'd say just keep writing him; follow through on your plans, and see what happens."
Ginny nodded, sad at the thought of waiting even longer, but hopeful that even Lily approved of a possible relationship with Harry.
"But Ginny, what I really want to find out from you is how much you'll be willing to go through for Harry. He's got a hard road ahead of him, and I think that if you are there beside him, he'll be able to make it to the end with much less trouble than he would have if he were alone. But, before you answer, I really need to know for sure how you feel. If you were to date him for awhile, then leave when the going got tough, I think it would destroy him."
Ginny couldn't help it. Lily's words stung her right in her self-esteem. "How could you say that?! I would never leave Harry to do this alone! Even if we're not dating, I plan on fighting alongside him whenever he has to fight! I did it at the Ministry, and I'll do it any time in the future! He's done everything for me, and I plan on doing the same for him! I'd even die for him if he needed me to!"
Ginny stopped, mortified at having shouted at her (hopefully) future mother-in-law. Then she realized what she had said at the end, and her blush deepened even more. The next thing she felt was Lily's arms around her, embracing her as a mother holds her own daughter.
"Thank you, Ginny. You've erased any doubts I might have had. You truly are worthy to be Harry's mate, and I look forward to being able to call you my daughter."
They stood there for awhile, then Lily pulled back a bit. "Now, you're just about ready to wake up, so I just have a few more things to say. First of all, Harry has a problem with touching people affectionately. My cursed sister and her family only ever touched him to hurt him, and he still has a hard time understanding why anyone would want to hug him, or touch him in any way that wasn't hurtful. He tolerates your mother, and Hermione, but doesn't really like it. You're going to have to help him with that. I'll try my best, tomorrow night, to help him understand a little better, but it'll be you, and, to a lesser extent, your mother, who will really help heal those years of neglect. Hermione might help too, but it'll primarily be you."
Ginny nodded. She looked forward to that challenge, especially if it involved being able to hug Harry.
"Okay, secondly, remember I mentioned that there was another reason Harry was wasting away? It was because, subconsciously, he had given up on love. He heard that you were going to be dating Dean Thomas, and that kind of took the heart out of him. He had started to notice you, and then saw that you were, in his opinion, out of reach. Harry would never overtly move in on a friend, so he just decided that he didn't have any chance with you."
Ginny gasped. She wished so hard that she could go back in time and reconsider her words on the train. When she'd said she'd chosen Dean, she had really only done so to bother Ron. If she'd known how Harry would take it, she wouldn't have even dreamed of saying anything like that. "No," she vowed, "I'm not going to let that get in the way. I need to make sure he knows that I'm not dating Dean yet; that we just have an agreement to become better friends." She looked hesitantly at Lily. "Will that be enough? Or do I need to just take him aside and tell him that I'm available and ask if he wants me?"
Lily giggled, which endeared her even more to Ginny. "I think if you just let him know that you and Dean aren't really a done deal, that'll be enough. Although, I'd love to see his face if you did it the other way."
Ginny laughed with her, imagining how beet red Harry would turn if she were that blatantly honest.
Eventually, Lily sighed again. "Well, I'm just about out of time, and your mum is calling. . ."
Ginny concentrated and heard faint cries of, "Breakfast's ready! Come and get it before we throw it to the hogs!"
"But, I don't want you to leave! Will we be able to talk again?" Ginny had really come to like Lily, as a friend as well as a prospective mother-in-law.
"I'm sorry, Ginny, but I don't know the answer to that. Perhaps in the future, if you really need me." Lily looked very sad now. "And, Ginny, I'm really sorry about this, but you're not going to remember that I really visited you. It's just going to seem like a dream. My best advice is to write down as much of this as you can as soon as you wake up, so that you can remember the important parts."
Ginny started to cry. "But, that's just not fair! I want to remember you, and what to do with Harry, and. . ."
Lily put her arms around the young girl again. "I know, Ginny, and I wish it could be different. But remember, I'll always be watching over you two, and even if you can't see me, I'll be a part of your life. I love you, my dear." And with that, the dream faded, and Ginny sat up in bed.
Must write this down, she said to herself, and grabbed for her journal (not a diary), and a quill, and started jotting down notes as quickly as she could:
1. Help Harry get used to touch.
2. Tell Harry the truth about Dean's and my arrangement.
3. Check Harry's hand on the clock.
4. Fight at Harry's side.
5. Harry was possessed too; we can help each other.
6.
But the dream was slipping away from her, and she couldn't think of anything else to write down. Finally, not remembering exactly how she knew it, she wrote:
6. Lily loves me.
And then she went down to breakfast, feeling happier than she had in a long time.