Content warning: mentions of Rose's past with Adrian + the trauma, mentions of sex

The following week found me in Makenzie's office again.

"Hello, Rose," Makenzie said as I sat down on her couch. "How are you feeling today? It's been a couple of weeks since our last session."

"Nervous," I said, playing with the ring around my finger. I felt my cheeks heat up as I thought about why I was here.

"Do you remember the breathing techniques we talked about when you were here previously?"

I nodded.

Breathe in for four seconds. Hold your breath for seven. Breathe out for eight.

I continued to play with my ring as I did the breathing exercises, and I saw Makenzie's eyes tracked to it.

"Congratulations to you and Dimitri. Have you picked a date yet?"

I shook my head. "I just recently said yes. He originally proposed a few months ago, but I said no, thought that I was too broken to be with him permanently. I still think that sometimes, but he's done so much for me."

"Did you say yes only because of everything he's done for you?" she asked cautiously.

Part of me wanted to be angry at the assumption, but I knew how my words sounded.

"No," I said. "I said yes because I love him, and I want to be with him. Katerina and Levi adore him, and he's such a good father to them and hasn't complained once about them not being biologically his, and I don't think I could find a better man to settle down with. I think I want to eventually have at least one more child, maybe two, but only with him. I can't see it happening with anybody else."

Makenzie smiled. "Good. That's really great, Rose. You've made a lot of progress since I first saw you."

Neither of us said anything for a moment before Makenzie continued.

"So why did you reach out to set up this session? We haven't had very many since your breakthrough, so this came as a bit of a shock to me. Was there something in particular that you wanted to discuss?"

I felt my cheeks get hot again. "I need help working through my trauma with Adrian so I can have sex with Dimitri. We've tried a couple of times, but I keep freaking out and putting a stop to it, and I don't know what to do. He says it's not a deal-breaker, but I can't help but feel like it won't be enough one day."

Makenzie wrote something down before leaning back in her chair. "Rose, I'm going to ask you a personal question, and I want you to answer honestly."

I nodded.

"Have you masturbated since you were rescued?"

I blushed again and shook my head. "No, I haven't had much time to think about it, and it hasn't been a pressing need, compared to all of the other needs in my life."

"One of the first steps is going to be getting comfortable with your body. That's not to say that you can't keep trying with Dimitri, but it's definitely a step that you should start working on. I also think that you would benefit from a joint session with Dimitri. Not only do you need to express your fears to Dimitri about this, but I do have some tips, and it would be best to talk to both of you. I assume he's in the waiting room. Do you mind if I go get him?"

"Yeah, you can go get him," I said, nerves piling up again. I practiced my breathing and tried not to twist my ring, not wanting the rub the skin raw.

Makenzie left the room and came back a few moments later with Dimitri in tow.

"Roza? Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, my cheeks feeling even hotter. "Makenzie thought it would be best to speak to both of us about how to make progress with our sex life."

Dimitri's eyebrows shot up, but he took the seat next to me on the couch and grabbed my hand. "Okay." He squeezed my hand, and I relaxed a little bit.

Makenzie settled back into her chair and grabbed her notepad. "Firstly, Rose, you need to express your fears to Dimitri. You both need to have an open and honest relationship with each other for the necessary trust to build and grow to allow you to be intimate in the way that you want."

"What fears, Roza?" Dimitri asked when I didn't say anything.

I looked away. "That it won't be enough. That not having sex will eventually break us."

Dimitri squeezed my hand. "Roza, look at me."

I met his eyes and saw the love radiating from them.

"I know it's hard for you to believe, but I'm here for the long haul. Sex isn't even on my list of deal-breakers, and it's definitely something that I can live without if it means that I get to have you in my life," he said.

"You keep saying that, but I can't help but feel like it's not true," I said, frustration leaking into my voice. "My entire world revolved around sex for three years, and being in that environment makes it so fucking hard to believe that you'd be okay with never having sex again. And I hate comparing us to that hellhole, but I'm just stuck in the never-ending loop."

"Roza," he said, his eyes never leaving mine. "I love you, and I'll reassure you every day if I need to that sex isn't a deal-breaker. You mean the world to me, and so do Katerina and Levi. I'd be stupid to throw all of that away for something as insignificant as sex. I have a hand, and I know how to get myself off when the occasion arises."

He said the last part with a small smile, and I blushed again.

"I recommend that you continue to talk out your fears when they rear their ugly heads," Makenzie said. "That'll only strengthen your bond. As for attempting sex, I think you need to stop focusing on going all the way. It's unrealistic to think that you can just jump into having penetrative sex. Start slow and work your way up. There are other forms of sex and other things that can be done that allows you to be intimate and build up the trust before taking the final leap."

"That makes sense," Dimitri said, nodded. "It's a lot of expectations to jump into immediately, and we knew that it wasn't going to work out the first time that we tried, but I never considered easing into it with different forms of sex."

"I think that might work," I said, a small smile on my face. "It'll be easier cause none of that is contaminated by Adrian. He never took into consideration anybody else's pleasure, which makes sense considering the situation that he kept us in. I think I would still need to work up to the more intimate forms of sex, but I think it'll be a start."

"Another suggestion is to stop looking at it as failed attempts, especially if you attempted and succeeded with another form of sex. Being in the mindset of thinking that anything that isn't penetrative sex is a failure will only harm you in the long run.

"And Rose, you can always schedule a session whenever you need it if you need to talk through anything, related to Adrian or this. I'm not advertised as a sex therapist, but I've done self-study and attended conferences, so my door is always open to you," Makenzie said.

We checked out at the front desk after thanking Makenzie, and I texted our babysitter, Ani, to check in on the kids once we got to the car.

"Are you hungry?" Dimitri questioned, starting up the car.

The clock on the stereo showed that I was almost one in the afternoon, and my stomach rumbled.

Dimitri laughed. "I'll take that as a yes. Do you want to swing by the house and pick up the kids, go out by ourselves, or eat at home?"

"I texted Ani, and she said the kids are sound asleep," I said. "I think going out, just the two of us, sounds great. We can make it a date."

Dimitri smiled at me. "I like the sound of that. We haven't been on too many of those lately."

I took his hand that was resting on the center console and squeezed it. "Thank you for being there and being patient."

"There's nothing to thank me for, Roza," he said. "I promised that I was here for the long haul, and I'll do everything for the rest of my life to prove that to you if I need to."

I leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you."

Dimitri cupped my face with his free hand, kissing me again. "I love you too. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."