Callie POV

"That's about it," I shrugged, suggesting there was nothing more to say, after I had told her everything about the point from when we got the call to the moment we got him to the hospital. She had a lot of questions in between and, like my mom had suggested, I answered all of them honestly.

"You want to tell me what happened, after you got him to hospital?" Bishop questioned, but afterwards elaborated "We have multiple eyewitnesses that said you had expressed some very strong feelings about his case, after you handed him off to the medial staff," she turned a few pages back and read out quoting me word by word "Don't bother saving him. This son of bitch deserved that. He likes them young. The World would be a better place without him." Bishop then turned back to the page she had written in before "But then, barely a minute later, you had a small panic attack in the middle of the emergency room."

A brittle smile and breaking eye contact – was my reaction. That way, I gave myself a moment to think about the answer. Looking behind me, I checked to see how far I was from the back of the ambulance. Seeing that it was only a small step behind, I walked to it and took a seat on the back of the ambulance.

At this point, I was not sure if she was aware of my connection to Liam. Bishop hadn't said anything and nothing in her behavior suggested it. It certainly didn't feel like she was treating me in a special way. If it could be avoided, I would rather keep the past in the past and not bring it up anymore than I already had.

"Yeah, that was not very professional of me," I admitted while keeping my gaze down to the floor, it definitely was not my proudest moment

"It's a very strong opinion. Especially for someone you just met,"

The moment of truth.

I pushed my lips together and shook my head not being able to say it. It was much harder than I thought it would be. Bringing up past never was, but I had been sure, that I had dealt with it. I simply did not like to talk about it.

"Did you know-" it seemed the detective got tired of waiting, she was looking for answers, but her phone buzzing cut her off and gave me a few more moments to prepare.

"Excuse me," Bishop said, taking her phone out of her coats pocket and stepping a few steps away to answer it.

"Sure," I mumbled, rubbing my palms against my tights

While the detective spoke, I leaned forward and tried to see around the ambulance to see if we still had the privacy. The thing with firehouse is that everyone was really chatty and everyone indulged in gossip. The last thing that I wanted was for everyone here to know my past. Like it or not, most people starts to treat you differently once they know. And I didn't want my colleagues to know. I had made a good impression. I have established myself here. Everyone respected me as a woman, as a colleague, as a paramedic. I didn't want anyone to doubt me or question my ability or think they need to protect me.

When I saw Ned, a paramedic from next shift, entering the hanger, I started to bite my thumb nail. His shift doesn't start in 2 hours, what was he doing here so early.

"Everything okay?" Bishop asked, startling me.

I stopped biting my nail and pulled my hand away from my mouth "Yes, yeah...of course." I turned to her and did my best to smile at her. Bishop watched me, but said nothing. The look in her eye had changed. Something had changed.

The phone call...She definitely had learned something about me during that call. Hearing footsteps, I leaned to look around the ambulance again. Ned had stopped by the firemen, started to shake their hands. I overheard him say "-no, just, dropping my bad and then heading out. I'm going to go check out a place not far from here-" I knew he was looking for a new apartment, so that made sense.

"Callie?"

My head snapped back at the detective "Sorry, yeah...yes-"

She glanced to my colleagues, then back to me. Bishop tilted her head down and walked closer towards me "We can go...someplace else. Someplace more quiet, if that makes you feel more comfortable."

I stared back at her, a little dumbfounded, a little scared.

"I assume," she said a little quieter "You don't want your colleagues overhearing, what we are about to talk about next,"

"You know?"

Bishop nodded her head and raised her hand up,the one she was holding her phone, up a bit "Some part of it, yes. My colleague just told informed me over the phone, what she found out about you. But I still would like for you to fill in the gaps," That told me she may know some part of my history with Liam, I just didn't know which one.

I considered my options about the locations.

"So?" Bishop tilted her head. I got up and gestured her to follow me. We went to a corner of the hangar and I stood with my back against it, so I could see if anyone was coming up. For the time being, it was safe. No one was anywhere near us. No one really came this way, there was not much here, so this place felt a lot more safer than the back of the ambulance.

"You have history with Liam Olmstead," it wasn't a question, more like a statement she wanted me to elaborate on

"You could say that, yes." I admitted pushing my hands in pants pockets "I used to live with him. Not him exclusively, but his family. I grew up as a foster kid. Bouncing from home to home. Met him, when I was 13. Lived with his family for almost a year."

"What was the reason why you were taken out of the Olmstead foster home?"

"I wasn't exactly taken out...more like I, I-well," pausing, I tried to keep calm and composed

"Placed in new foster home?" Bishop guessed

"No, arrested for aggravated assault and damaging property," it looked like Bishop was starting to connect dots in her mind. My record was sealed, so she might not have any information on that. That is, unless the detectives could get that stuff unsealed, but that would require a judge signature and a good reason. Yeah, I doubt they knew what was in my record, just the fact that I had one.

"Those are some serious crimes," She said, but not in a accusing way, she wrote something down in her notepad and asked "Did it have anything to do with Liam?"

I glanced down to the floor between us "It had everything to do with Liam."

"Can you elaborate?"

"Liam raped me," I stated, with a blank facial expression. It was nothing new to me. Years had past. I had dealt with it, I just didn't like going around announcing it to people. The fact that I was raped, was on need to know basis. And only few people in my life fit the list.

When I looked up to her, I saw sympathy in Bishop eyes "I'm sorry that happened to you." I shrugged back, her words didn't really mean much to me. A complete stranger, a detective, it's not like she cared about me.

"Did those thing happen back to back? Your rape and arrest?"

I shook my head "No. Some week or two in between. One day I lost it. He was coming on to me again and I just..." I looked down to the floor thinking about it "My mom used the word - snapped." I looked up to the detective, she nodded understanding "He touched me, tried to kiss me and I snapped. I grabbed a bat, smashed his car and his knee cup."

Bishop flipped a page in her notepad and said "What can you tell me about Liam? What was he like? How would you describe him?"

"He was charming. Funny. Friendly. Smooth talker – knew exactly what to tell me, what I wanted to hear. Liam paid me attention, which was something that no one had done in years. Not even his parents paid me that much attention. He exploited my weakness by making me feel...special and what I then thought - loved. Often, he would hide candy bars or other snacks in my school bag, with little notes attached to them, so that I would think of him."

"He lived at the house at that time?"

"Yeah. He was full time student, but he still lived at home. Drove to and back to classes each day. It was rare that he missed breakfast or dinner at the house."

"Did anything else happen between you two before the day he raped you?"

"We had kissed a couple of times. He had convinced me that it would be our little secret. I know it was wrong, it was against the rules, but when someone handsome and older pays attention to you..." I admitted, now feeling ashamed of my young self for falling for his lies

Bishop nodded her head back knowingly, but without any judgment written in her eyes "Worst kind of predator. He was irresistible. Charming, handsome and older. Everything teenage girls dream about. And you were in especially fragile part of your life."

"What about his parents? Did they ever suspect anything?"

"Suspect - no, I don't think so. At least they never talked to me about it. Instead, they blamed me for everything. I was the monster, the uncontrollable, troubled foster kid. Liam was their golden boy. He could never do no wrong in his eyes. So, it was only logical when they blamed me. Said I was sexually volatile, came on to their son. Liam was innocent in all of it."

"Have you had any contact with Liam since then?"

"We ran into each other two times after the trial ended. One time at park, other at parking lot next to a mall. But it was years ago. After I got a restraining order out, I never saw him. That is untill today."

"About the trial," Bishop said "You pressed charged only about half a year after. What changed, what made you make the statement then? Did you saw Liam again or-"

I was thinking about an answer, when I saw that Beth and what I assumed the other detective walked out of the firehouse. They said their goodbyes. Beth remained standing by the entrance, when she saw me still talking, but the detective was coming our way. I retreated back to my little shell, took a small step back, put my hands in my pockets and waited to see if the detective would be questioning me as well. Two set of ears, was way more scarier.

Bishop looked over her shoulder, hearing the footsteps and me retreating "5 minutes, Arch." she told him, he stopped, gave a little nod and turned back around. He walked pass Beth, who still stood by the doors, looking my way.

"You were saying?"

"I was placed in a new foster home, after I was released from Juvenile Detention. And the new foster family...they were...well, they were one of good ones. The Scotts," I said the last part with a little smile

"Ah," Bishop breathed out and smiled back

"My foster mom, she was a cop - the cop, that had arrested me. I think she had a feeling what Liam had done to me, the day she arrested me. One day I just felt safe enough and trusted her enough to tell her about it. And her being a cop and my foster parent, she had inform the CPS and...everyone else. I lost the trail, but...you know. At least it's on his record, so people could know what kind of person he really is."

"Do you have any idea if Olmsteads fostered after you?"

"I don't know. My mom might know, but if she did, she never told me."

"You said your mom is a cop, which precinct? I would like to have a small chat with her as well."

"Uh, 14th," I looked at the time "But her shift already ended like 2 hours ago."

Bishop scribbled it down "I know it must not have been easy today-"

Pressing my lips firmly together, I shook my head "Professionally – no, it was not difficult." Bishop observed me closely, as I had detained a long pause, but remained quiet.

"Personally – it was a nightmare. He begged me to save him; to help him. And I did, I even held his hand. Despite the fact, when I had begged him to stop...to just stop - he ignored me!"

"That says a lot about your character, about what kind of person you are."

"I don't know about that," I said just as an alarm sounded out, saying ambulance was requested "Sorry-" I pointed up towards the alarm "Got to go."

"Thank you for your time, Ms. Scott Ellis. You were very helpful." Bishop said closing her notepad and putting it in her coats inner pocket

I climbed in the ambulance, Beth was already in it "You okay?"

"Yeah, all good," I smiled back at Beth, before I started the engine

I was walking to the car after my shift, when Lena called me. The last time I talked to Lena, was last weekend, when we had gone over for a BBQ. But I could not recall, when we had last spoken on the phone, so I was curious as to what was the reason for this call.

"Did I miss a BBQ you hosted?" I asked, answering the call, while unlocking the car

"No, you did not miss anything. But I hope you have next Thursday marked in your planner. Frankie is so excited and she wants everyone there."

"5 alerts on phone and a big circle is drawn over the date in the calendar. I'm not going to miss Frankie's first play!" I assured her, tossed my bag to the passenger seat and sat inside, closing the doors behind.

"Good. You better not!" Lena warned me playfully

"Or what...mama bear or mama tiger is going to chase me down?" I smirked putting the keys in ignition

"Something like that," I could tell Lena was smiling on the other side

"So...what's up?"

"Stef told me," Lena broke the ice, concern was heard in her voice and I could picture clearly the loving and worried look in her eyes "I just wanted to hear how you were doing."

The light in the car, from when the doors were opened, turned off and I was left sitting alone in the dark car. I leaned back in the seat, as I thought about it myself. After the detective left, I felt much calmer. Thoughts about Liam had stopped, which I connected to the fact that I had simply worked myself up about how I was going to be connected to the case.

Instead of answering her straight away, I sighed loudly and deeply "I was all over the place today. Felt and thought all sort of things. Pardon my French – but it just sucks!"

"What does, exactly?"

"That Liam hurt another girl. It makes me so..." I shook my head not being able to find the right word for it and tried again "I wish I could turn back time and do things differently. Act smarter. Be braver. Anything that could have stopped today from happening."

"Honey, I know you know this – it was not your fault. Not back then and not now. "

"I know, I know," I nodded my head vigorously as I had learned that a long time ago "All those what ifs come to mind, you know," after shifting in my seat, I moved the phone to my other ear "When I was talking to the detective today, I realized something."

"What was it?" Lena inquired

"Even thought I will never forget it, I have forgiven him for hurting me."

"I'm truly happy to hear it, Callie. Forgiveness is the best revenge," Lena said wisely "It's infuriating to the person who had hurt you, seeing you living your life to fullest, being happy, finding love."

"But why can't I forgive him for hurting the girl?"

"Because it's not your to give. It's up to the girl, to forgive him. You can only support her."

I let Lena's words sink in for a moment as I watched the dark street in front of me "Thank you for checking up on me. Means a lot. Knowing I have people, who always got my back, besides my mom."

"Oh, honey," Lena breathed out quietly "I'm always here, if you need me. We all care about you deeply."

"I would love to talk to you more, but I have to get home, otherwise mom will worry about me."

"Drive careful! We love you, Callie!"

"And I love all of you! Tell everyone I said hi!"

"Hey, Callie!" Nurse Abby greeted with me a big smile "What are you doing here so late? Isn't your shift over?" we were standing in the middle of a hallway. She was one of the nurses, who had worked, when we had brought in Liam and the girl. Unlike me, she was still working, dressed in her scrubs. But weirdly enough, looking much more lively than I did.

Abby worked in the emergency room, meaning, she was one of the nurses I get to see on daily basis, when we bring in new patients. We try to keep a friendly relationship with the nurses and doctors in the ER. If we are not in a hurry, we sometimes stay for a minute or two to just chat, ask about their day. We had a very professional relationship only. I wouldn't call us friends, but I was pretty sure we would greet each other if we met on the street or mall.

"It is. I'm here on a courtesy, I guess."

"Oh?" she raised her eyebrow

"I was a completely out of line today after we brought in Liam, the, uh, scissors guy. I had no right to say what I said to you guys. Telling you to let him die. I was upset and," i scratched my brow "It was very wrong of me. And I wanted to apologize. Not just to you, but to everyone, who was there...but you're the first one that I have met and I-"

"Most of them have gone home,"

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense." It was late, close to 9pm.

"Don't worry, I will relay your message."

"Tell them, I'm sorry for how I acted and what I said. That will never happen again. I didn't mean to make your job harder than it already is. I'm sorry. I hope you guys don't hate me and can forgive me."

"We don't hate you. We were a little surprised, sure. But sometimes, this job does that. It gets to the best of us. And, apology accepted, everything is forgiven. Now," she pointed down to my left hand "Is that-?"

"Yes," I raised up the cake, that I had bought on the way here "I bought this for you. As an apology. I know you all have a sweet tooth."

"That we do," She smiled back. I handed the cake to her. Abby promised to put it in fridge and not eat all of it herself.

"Is there any chance I could see her? The girl?" I asked

"Sorry, the visiting hours are over. You have to come in tomorrow,"

"Did he? Was she...?" I cleared my throat

Nurse Abby tilted her head a little, watching me, then replied "You know I can't disclose that information about my patients."

"Right. Sorry. Sorry, I knew that. I'm going to go before I say something else..." I said already walking backwards "I'm sorry," I turned around and walked away. I heard her call my name, but I did not turn around.

Once outside, I stopped. I had only done one of the three things I wanted to. Not a good track record. The thought of going back in crossed my mind, but then again, what would I do. Visiting hours are done for the done. Even if I came back tomorrow, there was no way of knowing if the girl might actually want to see and talk to me. Liam was a whole different story. He was most likely in ICU and only family members were allowed to see him.

In the end, I turned around and went back in. I found Abby sitting behind the registration desk. She smiled to me as I walked up to her.

"Can you, deliver a note for me?" I asked, tapping my fingers at the counter

"I can do that,"

I asked for a paper and pen, walked a bit to the side and started to write my note. First, Liam. I kept it very short and to the point.

I forgive you for what you did to me. P.S. I win!

No need to write my name. He will know who it's from. So I folded the paper, wrote "To Liam" on one of the sides, then sided it to the side and took the second paper.

Kim,

you don't know me. We only met briefly today.

I started to write, but then scratched it over. It didn't feel right. I tried to write it differently but ended up scratching that as well. It was hard, putting what I wanted to say in words. Realizing that I had used up the paper with my drafts, I asked for a new paper. But the same thing happened with my second paper. I wrote a few sentences and then scratched it all out, because it didn't read right. Everything I wrote sounded cheesy and stupid.

"Can I please have another?" I asked Abby as I scrunched the paper up in a ball and threw it in the bin.

"What are you trying to write there?" Abby asked, but I knew she was just teasing me, not really asking me to explain

"I don't know. I'm starting to think this was a stupid idea," I took the paper and tried again.

This time, I only wrote "It does get better. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a week or a month. But it does get better. One day, you will wake up and the pain will be gone, it won't be the first thing on your mind when you open your eyes you will be able to forgive him for what he did. And trust me, when I say, that forgiveness is the best revenge. Never forget - it wasn't your fault."

That will do, I thought to myself as I folded the paper and wrote "To Kim" on one of the sides.

"Here," I handed the notes and the pen back to Abby "Please give these notes to them."

"I will," Abby said setting them aside for now. I said my goodbyes and this time left the hospital for good.

Mom was glad to see me enter the living room. I dropped my bag by the entrance and walked over to the couch, where she was sitting, watching TV.

"Where's Cooper?" I looked around after not seeing or hearing him

"Upstairs. Looking up where he can order some part for his car. He was underneath it till dawn, trying to see what was broken," Mom explained, while I slumped down next to her. After kicking my shoes off, I extended my legs over to moms lap. She placed her hand on my legs and started to gently rub her hands up and down my shins.

Mom turned the TV on mute and asked "How are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess," I said without much hesitation. Even though the day was hard, it ended on a good note for me, which balanced out the bad. "I stopped at the hospital after my shift."

My statement clearly took mom by surprise, her eyebrow raised a bit and forehead frowned up "Really? Why?"

"I wanted to apologize for what I had said to the nurses and doctors. After all, we go to the hospital almost every day. Hated the idea, that they thought I was trying to play god, by telling them what to do."

"How did that go?" Mom wondered, looking at me carefully

"Most of them had gone home already, except for this one nurse. She heard me out and promised to tell the others that I had stopped by. I felt a lot better after I talked to her."

"That was nice of you."

"Yeah,"I decided not to talk about how I messed up the last part of that conversation

"I also left a note for the girl and Liam, because the visiting hours were long over," Moms eyes grew a bit bigger at the mention of both of them "The short version, respectively, forgiveness is the best revenge and I forgive him."

"Once again, I'm so proud of you!" Mom made sure to remind me as she patted my hand softly

After writing that short message to Liam, it felt like I finally found closures. I felt a lot stronger, confident and free than I had felt ever before. There was no shadow hanging over me, no ghosts following me and haunting me, no demons lurking at me from the dark. All the people, who are in my life, have helped me achieve this. They showed me the way, when I had no idea, where to go. They shined light, when I was walking in the dark alone. They held my hand and supported me, while I faced my past. Letting all those people in, was the best decision I have ever made.

AN: Honestly, I have no idea what to do. This is the 191st chapter in the AU. My goal and my wish was to reach 200. It's so close, I can almost reach it, but at the same time, it feels too far. I want to reach 200 so badly, but I don't know how!

The problem is that usually, when I write a chapter, I can imagine the next one in my mind. There is an image, scene, words...something in my mind, but as I wrote this, I don't see anything. I have no idea what I could write as the last 9, I have no idea how to give this AU the end it deserves.

UGH *Banging my head at my desk

Because I'm so useless right now, my only options, is to turn to you. Please, PM what you think I should do. Push throught this drought or end it here?