Trigger/Content Warning: mentions of self-harm, mentions of forced hospitalization

"You're giving me an ultimatum?" I asked, incredulous.

Dimitri nodded. "I don't have a choice.

"You can't make me," I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

He met my gaze. "I can. And I will. Please don't force my hand, Roza. I'm not doing this to hurt you; I just want to help you."

His eyes were pleading, the hurt evident in them. I couldn't help but cave.

"Fine," I said. "I'll go back to therapy."

"Thank you, Roza," Dimitri said. He tentatively took a step closer to me, and I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around him. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I murmured, my voice muffled by his chest. "I promise I'll try."

Dimitri didn't leave my side for the rest of the day, and by dinner time, I had a list of new therapists in the Austin area to try out. We went together to pick up the kids from daycare and decided to go out for dinner as a family instead of cooking something.

Katerina scarfed her food down, and Levi ate a few bites of his chicken nuggets and a fry before Katerina begged to go play in the indoor playground. Dimitri helped her wipe her hands before letting her go and play.

"I'm sorry if you felt like I was pushing you earlier," Dimitri murmured, reaching across the table to hold my hand. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I need you. They need you."

I squeezed his hand. "I know. I'm sorry for earlier. Everything has been overwhelming lately."

"I'm also sorry if you felt like I haven't been there for you lately. I want you to be able to come to me and share with me."

I looked away. "I don't want to burden you. You have your own stuff."

"Roza, look at me. You're never a burden. You can come to me any time, with whatever. A problem shared is a problem halved," Dimitri said.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Will you grab Katya from the playground? I think we could use an early night."

"Of course."

Dimitri wrangled Katerina from the playground while I cleaned up Levi and our table. Dimitri met me at the door with Katerina in his arms, and both kids were asleep by the time we pulled into our driveway. Dimitri took Katerina, and I took Levi, and we went our separate ways to tuck them into bed.

Dimitri was already in our bedroom when I finished nursing Levi and putting him down for the night. He was rereading a Western that I was sure he had read at least three times before.

"Dimitri?"

He looked up from his book. "Yes?"

"Thank you," I said. "For caring."

Dimitri set his book aside, holding out his arms, and I crawled into them, resting my head on his chest.

"I love you, Roza," he said. "I vowed to love you through sickness and health, and I don't plan on breaking that vow. Ever."

"I know I'm hard to love," I whispered.

"Look at me."

I leaned back so that I could look up at him.

"You're not hard to love, Roza. Loving you is the easiest decision that I make every day. Please never forget that. Do we have our challenges? Of course, everybody does. But we always come out on top, and we always will."

I nodded, leaning forward to kiss him. "I love you. 'Til death do us part."

"'Til death do us part."

Over the next three weeks, I went to eight new therapists, not booking a follow-up appointment with any of them. I hated every session and walked out feeling worse. I didn't even have my usual coping methods because Dimitri started regularly checking in on my baths and showers, ensuring that I never had the water too hot. He also had someone come in to lower the temperature on our water heater so that it wouldn't go scorching for very long. The hot water now started getting cold after being on high blast for eight minutes.

Whenever Dimitri asked me about the therapy sessions, I would give him a half-truth. That particular therapist wasn't for me, but the session had helped. I hated lying to him, but I hated that he had given me an ultimatum even more. I couldn't keep doing this. As I was on the way to the ninth therapist, I decided that I wouldn't keep doing it. I couldn't stand putting myself through another agonizing session only to come out and feel worse.

I drove past the new therapist's office, tired of striking out on finding someone new. I had at least an hour before Dimitri was expecting me to be home, and I planned to take advantage of that time to take time for myself. Dimitri had switched some of his hours to remote so that he could be at the house with me, and he was practically one step from following me to my classes each day.

I drove to Mount Bonnell instead, climbing the trail to the top of the overlook. I sat on the edge, watching boats on the Colorado River below. I set an alarm on my phone so that I could get home in time, and it went off sooner than I wanted to leave. I debated texting Dimitri and letting him know that I would be staying out, but I knew he would worry. I took the stairs back to my car, vowing to come back to watch the sunset.

"Where have you been?" Dimitri asked as I walked through the door and into the living room. He was sitting on the couch, his lunch plate on the side table beside him.

"I was at my appointment," I said.

"Don't lie to me, Roza."

"I'm not lying," I snapped.

Dimitri sighed. "I know you didn't go to therapy today. Please, just tell me the truth."

Realization dawned on me. "Are you tracking me?"

He didn't hesitate. "Yes. I set up our phones to share our locations."

"And you didn't tell me?" I wanted to be furious, but I couldn't summon enough anger. "You don't trust me?"

"You promised that you would try," Dimitri reminded me, not answering my question.

I crossed my arms. "I did try. It didn't work."

"It didn't work, or you didn't want it to work?" Dimitri asked.

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"No, Roza," he said. "And I don't want to fight. I just want you to get better. I need you. Katerina and Levi need you."

"You don't think I don't know that?" I hissed. "All I think about is them."

"Then we need you to get better for them," Dimitri begged. "Do it for me."

"There's nothing left for me to do," I said. "I've exhausted practically every therapist in Austin."

"Not every option," he said. "There's still the in-patient option."

I glared at him. "That's not an option."

"The deal was therapy or in-patient. If you're giving up on therapy, then that is the only option."

"What about my classes, Dimitri?" I argued. "Or going to see Lissa for spring break next week?"

"Lissa will understand," Dimitri said. "And so will your professors. It'll be a medical absence, and it'll be approved."

"It doesn't matter," I said. "I won't go."

Dimitri narrowed his eyes. "Rose, I will pick you up and put you in the car if I have to. You need help."

"I'd like to see you try," I snapped, knowing that he wouldn't be able to stand the thought of hurting me.

"Please don't make me do this," he whispered. "I don't want to hurt you."

I shook my head. "I'm not going."

Dimitri sighed; his face resigned.

I turned away, confident that I had talked Dimitri down. I wasn't expecting him to come up behind me, effortlessly picking me up into his arms.

"Dimitri! Put me down!"

I tried kicking out with my legs, but even as my feet connected with his shins, he continued holding me tight. He carried me to his car, shifting my weight to open the backseat door with one hand while still maintaining his grip on me. I didn't fight him as he got me into the backseat, deciding that I would make a run for it as soon as the door shut. He buckled me in and shut the door. Before he could climb in the front, I attempted to open the door, forgetting about the child lock until I realized the door wasn't budging.

On the way to the hospital, I begged him not to take me, begged him to turn the car around, but he wouldn't listen. I was sobbing in the back seat, and even though I couldn't see his face, I knew from the shaking of his shoulders that he was crying, too.

When we got to the facility, Dimitri pleaded with me once more. "Please just walk, Roza. Don't make me carry you again."

I agreed, wiping my tears away. Maybe I could convince the nurses that I was fine, and they'd let me go. I let Dimitri lead me into the facility, trying to fix my features so it didn't visibly show the mental breakdown that I had on the way here.

I wasn't successful. The nurses took one look at me and took me back for a consultation. The doctor that I spoke with asked me a few questions about my history of self-harm, and the scars on my arms meant that I couldn't lie. A half-hour later, they released me from the consultation and took Dimitri back instead. I paced the waiting room, anxious to know what he was telling them. I kept glancing at the nurses, fighting the urge to make a run for it, knowing that that would definitely get me admitted.

Dimitri reappeared ten minutes later, a stack of papers in his hand. I knew from the look on his face that they were admitting me. A nurse followed behind Dimitri, another stack of papers in her hand. I could see a medical wristband poking out at the top of the stack.

"I'll give you a few moments to say goodbye," the nurse said. "But we're admitting you in the next five minutes, Rose."

"You can take me now," I said. "I have nothing to say."

"Are you sure?" the nurse asked me. "You're being admitted for a minimum of 72 hours, but the doctors might choose to hold you longer if they deem it necessary."

"I'm sure."

Dimitri's face was etched with pain, but he respected my decision. "Please remember that I love you, Roza."

"Wait, I have one thing to say," I said to the nurse before looking back at Dimitri. "I won't forgive you for this."

There was pain in Dimitri's voice as he spoke. "I know. But you need this. I love you."