I couldn't sleep that night, and I tossed and turned for hours before finally giving up on sleeping. I stared at the ceiling until the nurses came to wake the patients. A few other people were in the common area when I walked out of the room, but I didn't try to join their groups, instead choosing to sit by myself. The nurses served trays of food that the kitchen had sent, and I mostly pushed mine around my plate. As we ate, the nurses had patients come up one by one to get their vitals checked and go over their schedule for the day. When it was my turn, the nurse taking my vitals shared that I would be the first person to talk to the doctor that morning, and shortly after our breakfast trays were cleared, a nurse took me to his office.

"Good morning, Rose," the doctor said, gesturing for me to take a seat in front of his desk. "I'm Dr. Hayes."

"Hi."

"Why don't you tell me a little bit about what's going on?" he said, glancing down at the papers on his desk. "It looks like you were admitted last night?"

I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms. "I'm only here because my husband dragged me here against my will. I don't want to be here. I'm fine."

Dr. Hayes nodded. "Okay. Why don't you talk me through why your husband brought you here?"

"He doesn't trust me," I said. "That's why he brought me here."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

"Look, no offense, but I've tried more therapists than I can count, and they don't help. They haven't helped for a while now. I don't want their pity; that's not why I was seeing them."

Dr. Hayes leaned back in his chair. "Why would they pity you? What have you been through?"

I didn't say anything; surprisingly, Dr. Hayes didn't push. I didn't cover my surprise quickly, and Dr. Hayes arched an eyebrow.

"Were you expecting a different reaction?"

Reluctantly, I nodded. "It's not what I was expecting. Most push for answers."

"I've found that that never helps anything. I'm here to help you, whether you want that help or not. Pushing you to share when you're not ready doesn't help anything."

I mulled over his words, feeling at ease in a therapist's office for the first time in a while. Maybe this stay wouldn't be as bad as I expected, especially if I kept my distance.

"We can talk about whatever you want to talk about in these sessions, Rose," Dr. Hayes said. "I tend to keep shorter sessions, as I've found that those work better with the patients we see here, but I have flexibility if we ever need a longer session. We'll typically meet a couple of times a day and a few times throughout the week."

I nodded, already trying to figure out ways that I could keep my distance while also working towards being discharged. The session ended shortly after that, and a nurse escorted me back to the common area where other patients were mingling. I kept to myself, not wanting to bother anyone.

The next two days passed in a monotonous blur: wake up, eat breakfast, go to therapy, eat lunch, go to therapy, eat dinner, and attempt to sleep. I quickly learned that I wouldn't be able to get out of here by keeping my distance. I also quickly learned that the nurses were watching everything.

On the third day, Dr. Hayes started our sessions by asking why I hadn't tried to make friends with the other patients in the ward. I shrugged, and we sat in silence until I finally answered.

"I don't feel like I need to make friends here," I said. I didn't voice it, but the group of people reminded me of the girls I had spent years in captivity with at the Underground House, except there were no Mias or Audreys here.

"Why not?"

I shrugged again. "I like to keep to myself. I have a group of friends outside of here, and I don't want or need any others."

"That's understandable," Dr. Hayes said. "Let's talk about your friends from home a bit. Who are they?"

"My best friend is Lissa," I said after a moment. "She lives in California. We've known each other since we were in kindergarten."

"Is being in Texas your first time being away from her for an extended period?"

"No."

Dr. Hayes waited, but I didn't elaborate.

"Who else?"

"Mia and Audrey," I said. "Audrey is also in California, but Mia is here in Austin. I met them both a few years ago."

"And they know each other as well?"

I nodded. "They met each other first, actually."

"What's your relationship with them like versus your relationship with Lissa? Do they all know each other?"

"Lissa's met them briefly, but they haven't interacted much," I said. "I met them at different periods in my life, and the relationship I have with Audrey and Mia is very different from that with Lissa."

"Different how?"

"Lissa and I became friends as children and were there for each other for years as we grew up. Mia, Audrey, and I became friends through trauma. We didn't have any other choice."

"I'd like to circle back to that when you're more comfortable talking about it," Dr. Hayes said. "In the meantime, I'd like you to start thinking about medication. There are a couple of options that we could start you on."

He grabbed a couple of pamphlets from his desk and handed them to me. "Read these and let me know what you think. We can chat about it during our session tomorrow."

I nodded and stood up to leave, letting the nurse escort me back to the ward. That night, after dinner, I stayed out in the common room instead of going back into my room. I even ended up joining another group of girls who looked to be around my age and colored with them. We didn't talk much, which was nice.

That night, I also read through the medication pamphlets that Dr. Hayes had given me. At the beginning of our session the next day, he helped me weigh the pros and cons before deciding to try Lexapro. Before he could bring up Audrey and Mia again, I quickly changed the topic to visitation hours, asking him when they'd be.

"We offer visitation three times a week. We have two hours of visitation on Saturdays and Sundays and an hour on Wednesdays," he said, glancing at his watch. "Hours for today start at 1:30pm, actually. Tomorrow, they'll start at 1pm."

"Are there any restrictions on who can visit?"

"Can you be more specific?"

"Are children able to visit?" I said, biting my lip. "I have a daughter and a son, and I would like to see them."

"As long as they are accompanied by their legal guardian or parent, outside of you, then they are allowed to be here," he said. "How old are they?"

"My daughter just turned four about a month ago, and my son turned 1 in December," I said.

"Are they yours and your husband's?"

I shook my head. "He's not their biological father, but he might as well be."

"Are you in contact with their biological father?"

"He's dead. I killed him - in self-defense." I added the last part hastily, but Dr. Hayes didn't visibly react.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Rose," he said. "I'm sure that wasn't easy to do and recover from. How long ago did that happen?"

"Last May."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

I started to shake my head no before blurting out, "He kidnapped me and held me hostage for three years."

"Your children were conceived during that time?"

I nodded. "My daughter was conceived fairly soon into my abduction. I got pregnant a few times during my time there, but I either miscarried or was forced to have an abortion. My son was conceived the same night I was rescued."

"Thank you for your vulnerability. I imagine that it can't be easy talking about this," Dr Hayes said. "You mentioned building relationships through trauma yesterday. Did you meet Audrey and Mia during this time?"

"Yes," I said, unsurprised that our conversation had looped back around to them. "There were ten girls down there. There's a court case on it that'll give you all of the information. His name was—"

Dr. Hayes cut me off. "I'd rather hear what you're comfortable sharing. I don't need to know anything that you don't want me to know."

I stared at him, shocked. "What?"

"I feel that it would be violating your trust to search for information that you're not comfortable sharing. It's obvious that this is a difficult situation to talk about, and I want to respect that."

I didn't say anything for a moment. "Thank you."

Dr. Hayes nodded. "It's almost lunchtime, so I don't want to hold you, but I would like to visit this again after visitation hours if you're comfortable talking about it. If not, I'd like to talk more about your husband and how you ended up here."

I nodded, thankful for the heads up to prepare what I wanted to share. I left his office, feeling a bit better. I picked at my food during lunch and only managed to eat about a third of my meal. I was nervous about seeing Dimitri, especially after what I had said to him when I had last seen him. Rationally, I understood his concern, but I was still pissed that he had dragged me here. I didn't want to see him, but I wanted to see my children. I had been given time over the past few days to pump, but it wasn't the same, and I missed being able to feed Levi directly.

When visitation hours rolled around, I sat nervously for the nurses to take patients to the day room. We were waiting for close to five minutes before someone came to get us. The nurses started escorting patients who had visitors, and I continued to sit there anxiously, waiting for my name to be called.

"Rose, you have a visitor," a nurse said.

"Who?"

She glanced down at her clipboard. "Your husband, Dimitri."

"Just him?"

She nodded.

I crossed my arms. "I don't want to see him."

The nurse's eyebrows furrowed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I'm sure."

"Okay. I'll let him know," she said. "Would you like me to pass along a message?"

I started to shake my head before thinking better of it. "Will you tell him that I want to see Katya and Levi?"

She nodded, repeating their names back to me to confirm that she had them right before she disappeared from the room. She returned a couple of minutes later with something bundled up in her arms.

"He said he'd bring them tomorrow," she said. "He also asked me to give you this."

She held out the bundle, and I took it, realizing that it was one of Dimitri's oversized shirts that I would wear when pregnant with Levi. Subconsciously, I brought it to my nose and inhaled deeply. It smelled like Dimitri and home, and I could even faintly smell the baby scent that I still associated with my children. My eyes prickled with tears, and I quickly retreated to my room, not wanting anyone to see me cry. I traded out my shirt for the one that the nurse had given me and curled up in my bed, letting the tears consume me.