Callie POV

"My family doesn't want anything to do with me," A young man named Austin in my support group shared as he stood on the small podium in front of all of the other members of the group.

I was sitting at the last row, by the aisle, with a paper cup containing green tea in my now, only listening, not sharing. Was not ready to get up there just yet.

When I shifted in my seat, Duke next to me, looked up, wondering if we were leaving. I shook my head and Duke went back to his previous position with his head laid down on his front paws. Last time I came here, I had asked if I could bring my dog with. It was allowed. Neither of the group members had objected, no one was allergic. Toady, after our evening walk, instead of going home I brought Duke with me to the support group meeting.

Austin took in a breath and continued "They told me that loud and clear, when I spoke to them."

He was wearing a short sleeve shirt and there were still visible marks on the inside of his elbows and forearms where he had injected himself with the drugs. Anything he could have gotten his hands on. The dark circles underneath his eyes and the dry and unhealthy looking skin told me he has had rough couple of weeks, if not months.

"They still haven't forgiven me for what I did last time and I doubt they will ever will," Austin said. His features told me he was reliving that conversation in his mind as he spoke. It obviously still haunted him. Must have happened recently.

"I took the money my parents had saved up for my younger sister so she could go to university and spent it on cocaine." Austin explained and I could hear the whole group react to it. There were sighs and head shakes and quiet "Oh, no" or "Fuck". But despite all that, there was no judgment and no shaming him. Because all the people here, including me, had done something stupid to get the drugs.

"But I'm going to try and make up for it. I got this job at a warehouse the other week," he continued as he scratched his forearms "I plan on giving all the money that I ear to my sister. So she can go study. She's really smart...smarter than me. My little sister is going to change the word...I can feel."

I zoned out, no longer listening to what was being said, when I glanced down to Duke, who had let out a big yawn. He was bored. It was almost as if he was asking me with his eyes – can we go now, I want to go back to the park.

"Soon buddy," I whispered to him as I reached down at scratched his nose

"Thank you, Austin," the group organized said as Austin stepped down from the podium "Anyone else want to share anything tonight?"

"I would," Some middle aged man sitting three rows in front of me raised his arm up. I had seen him here few times before. Must be a regular as well. Never heard him share before though. It was not required of course.

"Hi, my name is Billy," the man introduced himself, he looked nervous as he looked over the people gathered here today "I'm an addict. Have been clean for over 14 months now. Back when I was still using, I too did some unimaginable things. The event, that turned my life around, was about 16 months ago. My life at that point was already fallen apart. Wife had left me, taken our daughter with her. I had lost my job. Was about to lose the house because I couldn't pay the mortgage. I had asked my best friend for money, again. Lied to him, telling it was for a new suit, because I had a job interview, while in fact I would have used that money to buy some more drugs I could snort. He of course, no loner believed me. I had asked him for money few times before. In total, I owed him more than 5 grand at that point. Anyway, when he refused to give me any more money, we got into an argument. It escalated quite quickly to a physical fight. I attacked him." Billy paused and looked down to the podium he stood at. The veins in his arms pop out from the tight grip he had on the podium.

"I broke his jaw," he stated a moment later, remorse written all over his face "He had to have two surgeries. For weeks, he couldn't eat, couldn't drink, couldn't speak..."

Deep in my thoughts, I no longer listened to Billy's story. Compared to the stories I have heard here, not just from Austin and Billy, my wrong doing to Stef seemed minor. All I did was take few small pills. It wasn't like Stef was actively using them and needed them at the moment anyway. I didn't physically injury anyone or steal thousands of dollars that was meant for someone's else education.

I had been avoiding seeing and talking to Stef for weeks now. Always made excuses to myself that I was busy and didn't have time between all of the doctor appointments, therapy sessions, group sessions like the one I am at now and doing physical therapy. Besides, Stef was working and had her own family stuff she needed to take care of. So it wasn't like I could just pop in whenever I wanted. Sure, I could have spoken to her, when I had gone to the station to surprise mom last week. But, I didn't want to ruin that moment.

In all honestly, I just wasn't prepared to see her. I was avoiding her, till I get my courage up. Till I figure out a way how to make up to her and prove that I was getting better. I wanted to show her the progress that I had already made. Going to talk to her, thinking she would just blindly believe me, was no longer an option. I ruined the trust we had for each other. Now I had to build it back up, brick by brick.

But, after listening to the stories here today, I vowed to myself, that I will do it today. If these guys could do it, after how they had fucked up, I should be able to do it as well. I couldn't keep dragging it out. I needed to face her. No matter the consequences.

~0~0~0~

I tightened the grip on Duke's leash as we neared our destination. My pace had gotten slower the closer we got. For some reason, I kept looking over my shoulder, as if i was looking for my only way out. But it was just a street. The same street that I have walked and driven thousand of times. It was not like I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

"Duke, slower," I whispered to my dog, who had once again stared to walk in front of me, slightly pulling me forward faster than I would like to. He looked back at me confused, when I had pulled on his leash, and must have sensed my anxiety levels raising, because the next moment, he was walking close to my side, brushing against my leg.

I stopped dead in my tracks the moment I saw the end of Stef's car parked in the driveway.

"Oh god!" I tilted my head back, closed my eyes and exhaled. Starting to feel hot all of a sudden, I pinched my loose shirt by the collar and pulled on it couple of times. I had felt much more confident about this at the group meeting. Probably had hyped myself up too much.

"I can't do this!" I said opening my eyes and turning on my heel to head back home

While my body was going one direction, my left arm, that was holding Duke's leash, was pointing backwards, because Duke did not budge.

"Duke, I can't. I don't know what to say. We'll come back some other time," I explained to him, but he just glanced back to the Adams Foster house that was right there, right in front of us.

He barked, looked back and whimpered at me, as if begging me to not leave.

"I'm not ready...this was a mistake."

Duke barked again. I pulled on his leash wanting to get out of this place as soon as possible. But he, took a stand, by sitting down, that way telling me he's not leaving. Stubborn dog. Of all the days I had decided to take Duke with me, it had to be today.

I paced back and forth, around Duke. It took more than a full 5 minutes till I gathered enough courage to walk up to the house. By that time, I was sure all of the grannies in the neighborhood had noticed me and had started gossiping about me.

Walking up to the house, didn't change much. I froze once again, when Duke and I reached the start of the path the lead up to the house, just by the mailbox.

No matter how hard I wanted, I couldn't make myself walk up the path and knock on the door. The fear of not knowing how Stef would react seeing me was paralyzing and terrified me.

It was not just that.

I stood there looking at the house that at one time had felt like a second home to me.

Usually I would remember all of the good memories that happened there. The good moments. Reunion with Jude. Time spent with Jude and other kids. The countless of celebrations, BBQ and meet ups. Now, however, there is just one memory that comes to mind and it's not a good one.

Looking at the house, felt like looking at a broken vase, that was glued back together. Only the lines where it had been glued were visible. And it was all that I could see. Everyone could see the damage that was done. Pretending that it was going to be the same, was kind of pathetic to think about it.

It would not come as a surprise to me, if I would no longer be welcome here. Those would be the consequences I would deserve for betraying their trust like I did – to never take a step inside the house ever again.

There was movement in the house, I saw it through the living room and dinning room widows. The small curtain that covered the window by the door had moved. Yet, no one came out, at least not right away. Maybe whoever had seen me, thought I was coming in and they were simply giving me the time I need to make the move.

"Fuck," I breathed out as I saw how the front doors were opened and Stef appear in the doorway. Judgment time was here. Not being able to move a muscle I watched how Stef came out and approached me.

"Hey," Stef said casually as if nothing was wrong, when she stopped some few steps in front of me. Duke's tail started to wiggle, I felt the wind it generated.

"He-" I chocked up, not being able to greet her back.

My eyes quickly traveled down to the ground as I wrapped the leash around my wrist more tighter, so that it dug into my palm more. The pain came as a relief, honestly. It was something else to focus on. Something that kept me grounded. Funny. Not so long ago, I wanted the pain to stop. Now I welcomed it like an old friend.

"Aren't you going to come in?" Stef gestured back to the house, to the open front doors

I cleared my throat a few times, in hopes that I won't lose my voice this time "N-n...no," I shook my head back and forth, without looking up

"Why not?" Stef questioned, sounding genuinely surprised

"Best if I not," I said and finally glanced up to her. Not for long, because once I saw how Stef was looking at me, I quickly looked back down to my feet. It felt safer for some reason.

"Don't want to intrude."

"Callie, you're not-"

"Best if I not!" I repeated with more intensity and certainty, when I heard that Stef was about to reason back, and wrapped the leash around my palm one more time, cutting the blood supply to my palm even more.

I did not trust myself to be in that house. I knew there were no more pills in our home, mom and Cooper had gotten rid of all of it. Anything for that matter, that could get me tempted. Here, for all I knew, Stef still had those 3 pills there. And as much as I wanted to believe that I was clean, that I was better, I still did not fully trust myself. The cravings were not there now, but I was afraid that I will get the them back if I step a foot in this house. All it takes, is a one small slip. One moment of weakness. I did not want to risk it for I didn't think I was strong enough. Not yet at least.

"O-okey," Stef fully turned towards me and clasped her hands in front of her

"How about we let this a bit more loose, huh?" she reached for the leash in my hand. I flinched a little once I felt her fingers brush up against my hands.

"M-hmm," I managed to hum out as her fingers worked to set the leash loose and took it out of my hand. Stef let the leash down but didn't unhook it from Duke's collar, probably expecting for Duke to run inside. But he did not. He remained sitting by my leg. The leash hung down to the ground.

Stef watched me for a while, till she finally asked "How are you?"

I shrugged my shoulders not knowing how to reply "Fine, I guess," my reply earned a little chuckle from Stef "Better than I was few weeks ago."

"Saw you at the precinct the other day. Wanted to go say hi, but I did not want to interrupt your long overdue meeting with mom!"

"Yeah, I..." my mouth had gotten very dry all of a sudden, it got hard to speak "Wanted to surprise mom. I had been...away for a while."

"Mhm," Stef hummed, but didn't say anything else, letting me speak on

"I was at this...clinic. For a week. Trying to get clean," I explained gingerly, not knowing for sure how Stef knew.

"Are you?" Stef asked. When I briefly looked up, I saw her raised her brow.

Once again, I averted my look down "Yeah...yes, I am," I reached in my pants pocket and pulled out the two coins I had with me. I had been carrying them around me wherever I go, ever since I got them. They were a good reminder of what I went through.

I fidgeted them between my fingers while I spoke "It's been 15 days," I raised the coin up to show them to her briefly "I got both at the clinic. One day clean chip and for finishing the 7 day detox chip," Extending my arm out, I handed the coins to her

Stef took them gladly from my hand to examine them both, not knowing that I wasn't planning on taking them back. I had figured this was going to be my way getting her trust back. It's going to be a slow process as the next chip I will get will only be on the 30 days clean. But at least this way she knows that I'm doing everything to stay clean, to try and get better and not repeat the same mistakes.

"I know it's not much, but...at the moment it's all that I have. All the proof that I can give you, that I'm clean and I intend it stay that way."

Stef's head snapped up to me

"I am sorry for what I did, Stef!" I blurt out as our eyes met for the first time "For stealing, for lying, for breaking your trust, for everything. That day, I made a conscious decision to take your pills. At that time, I simply didn't care that they did not belong to me. I had to have them no matter. Now," I shook my head as I paused "I no longer understand what was I thinking. What I did was unacceptable, it was not okay." I quickly licked my lips before I continued "If I could take it back, I would. In a heartbeat."

"It was not you."

"It was me!" I retorted

"It was not the real you. Not the Callie Scott Ellis that I know," Stef paused, then gestured to me "This," she smiled at me, it was bright and warm "This is the real you. The one that is standing in front of me right now, apologizing. Sincerely. This is the Callie that I know. The one that owes up to her mistakes no matter how hard it is!"

After a little beat, Stef continued "Love, you were under the influence of very powerful drugs. Yes, they took the pain away, but they also messed with your brain. You were desperate and desperate people do desperate thing. Unimaginable things. Things that you wouldn't normally do if it weren't for those drugs, for the addiction."

For the love of God, I could understand why Stef was being so reasonable and forgiving "But you were my friend and I exploited your friendship-"

"Were?" Stef cut in, her eyebrow quirk up and eyes locked me me, like a hawk locks on to it's prey

I tilted my head and started to fidget with my hands.

At my silence, Stef took a step closer to me "Do you honestly think, we are no longer friends?"

"I screwed up big time," I said in a small voice as I kept looking down "If I were you, I wouldn't want someone like me in your life. In your families life!"

Stef reached over and with her index and thumb gently took a hold of my chin, then raised it up, till I was looking up at her "Well thank God you are not me! Because I still very much want you in my and in my family's life!" She let go of my chin, but my eyes still remained staring into hers.

"But I-"

"No!" Stef shushed me and placed her palm on my upper arms, holding me "There is nothing you could do that will ever makes us not want you in our lives. You hear me, nothing!" Then, after a pause, after she had gazed to my eyes for time longer than 3 seconds "I forgive you, Callie!"

The firm tone and the certainty in her voice surprised me to my core. My mouth parted and closed few times as I processed the words that just came out of Stef's mouth. Coming over here, I never thought that I would hear the word – forgive. This went much better than I had anticipated. It baffled me and left me speechless for a long time. How could she forgive me, when I haven't even forgiven myself for what I have done.

I knew that forgiveness didn't mean forgetting. She wasn't condoning what I did, either. I still had a long way to go to earn her trust back and make up for it. Still, it meant so much hearing her say it. If she hadn't, I might never forgive myself. Not that I just forgave myself. No, not at all. The guilt and remorse and shame was still there. Will be for a while. But at least I can start working on it.

The relief I felt was indescribable.

"I never thought...I didn't think you would. Ever!" I whispered out, holding the tears back. Barely.

Stef, probably seeing that I was very close to pulling away, pulled me in a hug. A hand on the back of my head, cradled me close to her, making me feel the warmth of her body and the love that she had for me.

Don't know exactly for how long she held me. Felt like an eternity, but at a same time it could have been just a second or two. All I knew, was that I needed this hug. It was the final proof I needed, that Stef really had forgiven me and doesn't hate me.

"Can you call my mom, please?" I sniffed, when we pulled apart, one hand wiping my running nose and tears from my cheeks. Stef tilted her head to one side, curious, her hands still rested on my upper arms.

I still hadn't bought a new phone. Actually, now that I thought about it, I don't even know if I still have my old phone. Or the sim card at least. Till now, I really had no real use of it. If I wasn't home, I was with somebody. Mostly with mom, Cooper or my grandparents. For a while I had to keep away from technology, it hurt my eyes and caused headache just to look at TV screen or laptop.

"I should have been home by now. She doesn't know I'm here. I don't want her to worry."

"Sure," Stef nodded and slid her hands down my arms. Turning around, she took a grip of my right and gently pulled me in the direction of the house "Come on inside."

"I can't-" I wanted to protest

Stef took one glance to Duke, whistled at him and nodded towards the house. Duke jumped up and ran into the house, the leash dragging behind him.

"It's okay, love. Trust me," Stef told me, suddenly, easily convincing me I don't have anything to fear. She got me and will watch out for me. Another gentle tug on my arm and I started to follow her into the house.