Callie POV
I had been waiting for this day for 7 months – my first official day back.
The excitement I felt right before I pushed open the doors was indescribable and uncontrollable. My whole body was trembling lightly because of it. Couldn't keep the smile off my face. Eyes were beaming joy. I had barely been able to go to sleep last night. Had felt so excited. Like a little kid the night before Christmas. As I was going to work this morning, I got a call from mom and multiple texts from everyone else, wishing me a happy and good first day back. That just added to my excitement.
The doors swung close behind me. I looked around and no one even batted an eye my direction. My shoulders slumped down and I let my arms hung down by my arms.
Everyone was busy doing god knows what that no one noticed me walk in.
"I'm back!" I sang out and dropped the bag by my feet loudly to get everyone's attention. Nothing. Well, barely nothing, one of the squad guys lifted his head up, gave a little head nod my direction and then resumed to do his crossword puzzle in the newspaper. As if it was just another casual day at the firehouse.
"Come on? Seriously?" I asked walking deeper in the room, they were obviously playing a prank on me. That I was sure off. "I don't even get a smile from Kyle?" I asked, gesturing towards him
When I had reached the couch level, I saw in my peripheral vision, how everyone around me moved and the next thing I know, confetti is flying everywhere. Someone had pulled out partly blowers and the high-pitched, cheerful sound rung out in the room. Music started to play. A banner at the far side of the room appeared after Beth had pulled a lever or something, and it read
Bye-bye Lewis!
Lewis was the partner of Beth whom she had whined about. My substitute while I was gone. The one that didn't talk and was driving Beth crazy.
"Nice banner," I shouted out for Beth through all the noise and cheers and talk
She pointed up to it with a big grin "Don't like it?" Beth looked up to it and pretended to be shocked that it did not read a welcome message "Oh, my bad...that was not for you! That's from previous party. This is for you!"
Beth pulled the lever again and another banner well down, this time simply reading
Welcome back, kid!
"Thank you," I briefly touched my heart and gestured the hand to her, expressing my gratitude
Before I could wrap my head around what was happening, who was talking me, I was pulled in ginormous hug by all of them. I was in the center of it, everyone else gathered around me. Expressing how glad that I was back and healthy.
"You gave us all a scare, kid. Please, please don't ever do that again," The squad lieutenant, Leo, said to me
A lower, deeper voice cut through all of the sound and the group hug quickly dispersed, when Captain Jennings called my name. I turned around on my heel and walked over to him
"Yes, sir," I stood with a straight back, hands crossed in front of me.
"Glad to have you back," He said seriously, then extended his hand out to me. I quickly shook it, he smiled back at me.
"Carry on," He said to everyone, before he turned around and went back towards his office
"We got you a cake!" Kyle exclaimed and ran to the kitchen area
"Cake, at 8am?" I asked, yet I was fully down for it. Kyle carried out a big cake and set it on the counter. There was something written on the cake with the frosting. The letters were white, the main color of the cake looked like flames or something of fire.
I stepped closer to read the writing:
Thanks for not blowing up. With love, Your Firehouse 11
"Too soon?" Kyle asked warily, trying to read my reaction
"I told you it was too soon," I heard one the guys whispered behind me. I could feel the tension in the room raising. It was a well known fact that firehouse often play pranks on each other. Dark humor or actually any humor was often used to deal with hard stuff after the job. It was easier to deal with the heavy stuff if it is laced with humor.
I laughed out, enjoying the dark humor, surprising them "I love it, thank you!" It has been over half a year, I had dealt with what happened. Besides, knowing everyone here, I knew it came from their heart as a light humor to brighten the mood up.
I felt the tension leave the room as I heard few of them sigh in relief behind me "Who went to order it?" I asked curious looking around everyone
"I did," Beth stepped forward "And boy did I get stares from the woman who took my order," she laughed walking around the counter
Beth handed me knife to cut the cake. Then she helped me put it on plates and give everyone a piece. Once I was sure everyone in this room had gotten a piece, I put on another one on a plate carried it out for Captain.
Knocked on the door frame to get his attention first, before entering. He looked up, saw me and took of his reading glasses as he leaned back in his black leather chair.
"A piece of the cake, Captain," I raised the cake up a little bit
"Ah, thank you. I would have gone after it myself, eventually."
"By the rate the guys are eating it, there won't be anything left in a minute," I said handing the plate over to him
He set it down in front of him while I remained standing in front of his table "Also, I wanted to thank you for organizing the half-day at the dispatch center. It was not only a great experience, but it also..."
I shifted in my stance and briefly glanced down to my feet, thinking to myself how to express myself. In the end, I decided to be real honest with him "Well, I was at a point in my life, where I kind of felt stuck and worried about my future. This exchange helped a lot to get out of that...slump I was in. And I wanted you to know I really appreciate you setting it up for me. Thank you."
"Stop it," he waved his hand at me "It was nothing. Besides, it was your mother, who asked if something like that was even possible."
"Well, I already thanked my mother multiple times after that day. So..." I chuckled lightly, suggesting he was the next person in line I wanted to thank
"You are very welcome."
"It might just be my opinion, but these kind of exchanges...we should have few more of them."
Captain looked thoughtful for a moment, before he replied "Noted. Now go back to your welcome back party!"
He didn't have to tell me twice. I went back and joined the others at the long table, eating cake, talking and laughing.
~0~0~0~
I took a little step back. Felt the bench behind me with my legs, so I sat down. Resting my towel and the toiletries in my lap.
Finally, I had some time to breath and rest and reflect back on my first day back. It had been a handful. Even thought we had a clear morning and could have my little welcome back party uninterrupted, afterwards, it was one call after another. Felt like today had been one long run.
We had multiple little calls, but they followed one another so close, that we barely had time to sit down between. And while none was as serious as a bomb exploding in a park and paralyzing the whole city, they still required our full attention and focus, and lots of energy.
The last call was the most fresh one in my memory. It had been a time sensitive one. A woman's heart had stopped. She wasn't even that old. Looked to be around my moms age. Now that I have time to think back to it, physically she resembled mom as well. She had been out on a run. Only a block from her house as we learned from the people (neighbors) who had called for help. The woman crashed two time while en rout to hospital.
When it happened for the first time, I remember pressing down on her chest. My arms and back ached from the constant compression. Felt sweat slowly drip down my back. It soaked my shirt. I felt how the ribs broke underneath my hands. Heard them snap. But I kept going.
The worst part of the job, is the fact that, we don't always get to know how certain case ends some time. Were our efforts even worth it? We may never know or we might as well receive a complaint about her broken ribs or a thank you note from her or her family. It can go so many ways.
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths in and out. Thinking positive thoughts about the woman and her family. Silently praying that she pulls through and gets to see and talk to her family and friends again. Say how much she loves them, hear how much they love her.
I snapped out of my thoughts and opened my eyes, when felt a hand on my shoulder.
The first thing I see as I open them, is Beth crouched down in front of me. Her eyes full of concern as she observed me closely.
"I'm fine," I said automatically out of a bad habit, even thought Beth didn't even say anything to me
She watched me for a a while, felt her squeeze my shoulder softly "You had a hard first day back."
"Yeah," I agreed quietly, tilting my head down to look at the floor
"It's okay to not be okay. You do know that, right?"
I nodded my head slowly and whispered out "Yep." I did know it. There were good days and bad days. Days when we lose people and days when we save people. I knew very well, that it was okay to feel whatever you feel. That there was no shame in that. It was okay to cry or be angry about it. Talking about it could help, but it was also okay to not talk about it, allow it for brain to process it first. Deal with it on your own or share it with the people close to you.
"If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here."
I looked up to her and smiled "I know. Thanks."
Beth smiled back at me, removed her hand from my shoulder, stood up and went over to her locker. For a while, I watched how she got ready for a shower. Then, I scratched my brow with the back of my thumb "She kind of looked like my mom."
Beth looked over her shoulder to me
"The woman, whose ribs I broke when I tried to revive her."
"Yeah, she kind of did," Beth closed the locker, holding everything she needed for the shower in her hands "But she was not your mom. Amy is okay. Probably bickering with Stef about what donuts to buy or something-"
I got up and followed Beth to the showers, chuckling a little bit about what she just said "Cops don't actually eat that much donuts. At least the ones in moms precinct don't. Whenever I brought them over, I usually got to take them back home and eat them by myself."
"Yeah, Hollywood really did screw them over," Beth joked back
"Fireman, on the other hand-" I smirked at her as we got undressed for the shower
"Yeah!" Beth said dreamy as she stepped under the water "All hot and steamy, with 6-packs and those V lines..."
"And very handy as well," I added hopping in the shower as well. After a few minutes, I asked "You going out tonight?"
"I am. Want to join?" Beth glanced to me and raised her eyebrow
"Yes, that is...if you will take me," I said as I continued to wash my body
"Sure I will."
"Which place you like to go to now?"
"Bad Alibi. It opened some two months ago."
"You have to send me the address as I have never heard of it before."
"Not too far from my place. Why don't we meet up at my place around 8pm?"
"Sounds good to me," I agreed as we both stepped out of the showers
~0~0~0~
The bar was not super fancy from what I gathered from Beth, so I decided to go with a simple, dark red long sleeve blouse, black jeans and high ankle black boots, leaving my slightly curled up hair open. Beth had chosen herself a very similar outfit, just instead of a blouse, it was a short sleeved blouse and a leather jacket on top.
Beth had made blue lagoon cocktails at her place. We each had one and some few snacks, before we even headed out.
The bar was some 20minute walk away from Beth's place. Located in what looked to be an old fire station or some sort of warehouse. Red brick building, high ceiling, big windows. The street up front was full of cars, but that might be because I saw no parking lot near by.
At the entrance of the bar, I was asked for an ID to see if I was of age. Beth had a good laugh about that. Beth and apparently also the bouncer, both thought that I have a baby face. Which, I know, they aren't exactly wrong. I do have that youth look. Don't look that much different than I did when I was 16 or 17.
The place wasn't packed full. There were still some open tables and spots at the bar. Beth and I decided to sit at the bar. I was surprised about the music that was playing there. It was not some club hits or dance music. It was a range of different kind of genres. Some from the old, some new time. I liked it a lot more than club or dance or remix.
We both got seats at the bar and Beth ordered cocktails for us. Our conversations had been mostly been super casual.
That is, up until Beth ordered the second round of cocktails.
"So," Beth took a sip of her drink, licked her lips and then turned to me "When was the last time you got laid?"
I chocked on my drink and nearly had to spit it out. If we had been outside or in a well lit room, she would probably see my cheeks turn bright red. Beth held the gaze, waiting for an answer from me. No one, and I mean no one, had asked that bluntly about my sex life. I was not used to that, but it felt like Beth had absolutely no problem about bringing that subject up. At least, 3 drinks in, she had no problem talking about it. Sex, wasn't something I was talking about daily or freely. To me it had always felt like a very personal thing. One that people didn't discuss on the regular.
"Um..." I dragged out, at first trying to give myself time to think about how to respond. But as time went on, I started to think less about how to get out of this conversation and more about, what the actual answer to the question would be. Because the longer I thought about it, the more clearer it got me, that it had been over a year.
"Well?" Beth probed as the revelation came to me
"A year," I said and quickly put the straw between my lips to suck in the alcoholic beverage, so that I wouldn't have to answer instantly if she asked me back something. When no question followed right after, I swallowed and added "Maybe, closer to year and a half actually."
"Wow," Beth said quietly "That's pretty long time."
"Well, the last 7 months-" I felt the urge to explain
"I know," Beth quickly interjected, telling me I don't have to remind her about it
"And before that, I was trying to get over my ex, Gavin. We had been together for like 3 years-"
"Hey, no need to explain yourself," Beth patted my palm, she turned on the stool and scanned the room "That's why we are here. To find you someone who you could-"
"I don't really—I'm not sure that-" I cut her short
"Let me guess, you don't do one-night stands?" Beth turned to me and raised her eyebrow up a bit as she waited for an answer
I nodded my head
"Have you had a one-night stand before?"
I shook my head back
"Then how can you know?"
I shrugged "I guess...I don't."
It wasn't that I was completely oppose the idea. It was like Beth said, how could I know. Maybe casual sex is exactly what I need right now to get the tension, stress and worry out of my body. Being in a relationship takes a lot of time. There is a commitment, you need to constantly work on it for the relationship to work. Trust needs to be established. It's a lot. With me just being back to work, I might not be 100% ready to jump into a relationship as well.
Casual sex, on the other hand, there is no commitment. It's just raw feelings. Desire. Passion. Not to say that that isn't in a relationship, but it's different. After an hour, you can just leave. Never look back. Don't have to text or call the other person. No strings attached.
"I could...try it. I do miss sex," I said after a while of thinking about it
Beth grinned at me and then we both turned to scan the room "See anyone you like?"
Worry instantly washed over me and the excitement I felt a minute ago about the idea of having a one night stand disappeared instantly "I don't think it's going to be that simple, Beth."
"Why not?" Beth asked, genuinely sounding surprised
"I may like them, they may like me. But, when they see..." I saw the exactly moment Beth realized why I had my doubts about it, the look in her eyes changed "...me, they might no longer like me."
"Well," Beth turned on the stool facing me. She set her glass on the bar and placed her hands on my knees "I have seen your scars and I still like you."
"It's not..that's not the same, Beth! You know that! You knew me, were my friend before. And you don't want to sleep with me!"
I paused for a little white.
It looked like Beth was ready to say something back, but I continued, stopping her.
"The people here, they are complete strangers to me. People have sex with people they find attractive. Sure, I might find someone here, who actually wants to sleep with me. We might even make it to a bed together. But they will run, the moment my clothes are off. No one is going to want to have sex with me, when they see my scars!"
Beth opened her mouth, but we both cut our conversation short, when we realized that someone was standing right next to me. We both slowly turned our heads to look at the person.
"I saw you across the room and I thought I say hi, but...I feel like I might have interrupted something," I recognized the person as Isaac Walsh
He was one of the 9-1-1 operators that we met few days back during the work exchange program. He was around 5,9 (1,80cm). Black, slightly curly hair. Black frame glasses. Wide shoulders, hips a bit more narrow. Tonight, he was wearing a simple dark grey t-shirt and dark pants, with sneakers.
We had talked briefly. First about the job, he had told us about some of his experiences. Talked about the struggles of the job, how he copes with what happens on the job. The conversation had briefly moved away from his job as he had showed interest about our job and my life, how I got there, but it was interrupted by a new call.
After that, we had spoken to other people there. And soon the day had ended.
"Hi, hey!" Beth snapped out first and greeted him with a smile "You come here often?"
"This is the second time I have been here. I'm out with my friends," Isaac pointed over to a group of guys at the table that seated 6 people "Actually, we're out celebrating my 25th birthday."
"Happy birthday," I smiled to him, Beth congratulated him as well.
"Thanks, thanks," he beamed back "You two here alone?"
"Yeah, a girls night out, if you may," Beth replied, when I hadn't. I had been kind of dumbstruck by his jawline and his icy blue eyes. Beth patted my knee and I blurt out "Yeah, it's just the two of us."
"You are welcome to join us," Issac said, gesturing towards the table
Beth and I both glanced to each other. She was giving me a look. I frowned, not sure what she was getting at.
"Excuse us, for a moment," Beth jumped down from the stool and pulled on my hand "We'll be right back."
"Sure thing," Issac said, stepping aside, as Beth pulled me after her. We maneuvered through the crowd of people, to the back of the bar.
"You like him!" Beth said once we were in the bathroom
"A little, yeah," I admitted warily "You could tell?"
"Girl, you were fucking him with your eyes- "
"I was not-" I stuttered back, shocked of the accusation. The doors to one stall opened and a woman walked out. She gave us both a dirty look. Beth and I paused our conversation, till the woman walked out. We both shared a "Ew, gross" when the woman had left without washing her hands.
Once we were alone, Beth picked up right where we left off "You were eating him up! Staring at him, biting your lip-" My fingers quickly went up to my lips to touch them. Yes, I do feel them tingling, now that Beth said.
"Here!" Beth reached in her jeans pocket and pulled something out. She took my hand and put the object in my palm.
"What the hell, Beth-" I exclaimed as I tried to shove the small pack back to Beth. She definitely saw my red cheeks this time.
Beth pushed my hand back to me, not taking it back "That's just for safety. If you get lucky," She pointed to the condom in my hand
"I feel like you might actually need it more than me," I muttered quietly, knowing that Beth actually did one night stands regular on days out like these
"I have a few more," Beth smirked and patted her pocket, briefly opening it to show that she had at least two more with him.
"How many do you carry with you!?" I exclaimed slightly shocked, but at the same time, not really. Because I knew that Beth was smart and if she was going out, she was going out prepared.
"Look, Callie"Beth brought the subject back to the on hand one "We're out here tonight to have good time, have fun, relax, meet new people, chat. Are we not?"
I agreed, nodding my head back.
"From what I remember about him and from our small interaction tonight, Issac seems like good company. And obviously nice to look at. If his friends are anything like him, we might be in for a good time."
"I don't know, Beth," I shook my head, not convinced that anything can happen between me and Isaac tonight. I might find him attractive, but I did not get any hints that he might be attracted or even just a little bit interested in me.
I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat, just by the thought of it.
"Cal, nothing need to happen. We can just go there, have a chat with them and leave, if that's what you want."
"Nothing needs to happen?"
"No," Beth stated back "Not unless you want to."
"Okay," I put the condom in my pants pocket. Beth grinned at me.
Better safe than sorry after all. I had not come prepared like Beth. If things do go down the road, I want to make sure I don't catch anything to get pregnant from one a stand. Not that I'm convinced that it will actually get that far.
"Okay, lets go have some fun!" Beth patted my shoulder excited before she pushed the door open