AN: Hello, everyone. Got some free time out of this Covid-19 situation.
Hope you enjoy :) Stay safe everyone, stay inside!
Stef POV
I opened the front doors and had just gotten one step into the house, when I heard Lena call out before I could even see her "Callie, is that you?"
When I was two steps in, I saw Lena sitting at the end of dinning room table, with her laptop in front of her and bunch of paperwork surrounding her. She sat facing the window to see the street.
"Sorry, to disappoint you, love. It's just me," I dropped my bag by the stairs and went straight towards her to give her a kiss "Where's the little one?" I asked looking around, not seeing or hearing her. She's usually making some kind of ruckus somewhere. Could hear her mile away.
"Don't know," Lena said, running her hand over her hair
"Don't know?" that was a very unlikely answer to hear from her, made me screw up my face
"I had an emergency meeting. I called Callie, to ask if she can babysit Frankie for an hour or two-" she typed something on her laptop and did the very well know shortcut Ctrl+S to save the file she was working on, before starting to close all tabs, programs and files. All I saw was a big Excel file with bunch of numbers. Looked like she was working on some financial document.
Lena continued once the file was saved "She agreed, came over with Beth and the three of them left."
"Ah," I nodded "I'm sure she's fine, love," I started to unbutton my uniform shirt and turned to leave for upstairs "I'll hop in the shower-"
"Aren't you worried?" Lena called after me. As I looked back to her, I saw her turned in her seat, with the right elbow pressed at the top of of the chair. She looked all worried, no idea about what.
I continued to slowly unbutton my shirt "About what, love?" I questioned, not seeing what the fuss was all about "You just told me, she's with Callie and Beth. They are more than capable of looking after our daughter for few hours. I bet they took Frankie to see the firehouse finally. She's been begging Callie to do that for ages."
Begging was a nice way to put it. Frankie had been nagging Callie about it every time she has come over the last few times. It was only matter of time before Callie gave in. Today might have been that day. Beth being with them made it all more likely.
"They should have been home by now," Lena said after glancing to the clock on her still open laptop
Looking at the watch on my arm myself, I saw that it was getting close to being 6pm. It was getting a bit late for Frankie to be outside, but she was not alone, so it didn't worry me.
"They are probably on their way back home," I reasoned just as I opened the last button on my shirt and took it off, putting it on the banister by the stairs
"Callie's not picking up her phone," I heard slight panic in Lena's voice
"Maybe her phone is on silent or she simply didn't hear it ring. Give her another call in 5 minutes or so," I replied, as I turned around once again to head upstairs and take that shower. I really wanted to wash the sweat and dirt off my body. Had to chase down a suspect not even two hours ago.
"Stef!" I heard a chair being pushed back, it scratched against the floorboard. Turning back to Lena, I found her up on her feet and walking towards me. She stopped before she could reach me. Unnatural to her, she started to fidget with her fingers.
Her behavior was what me got worried, because I had never seen her like this. I figured something serious or worrisome must be on her mind.
"Lena, love, what's going on?"
"Do you trust her? Callie? Do you fully trust her...after what she did?"
I watched her closely and saw enough to understand what this was all about "I do but...it seems that, you don't."
Lena swallowed back and I saw tears glistering in her eyes. This was eating her up. She slowly and barely shook her head.
"I thought I did," Lena admitted a moment later, her voice quiet and slow "But when I saw Frankie walk away with Callie...I realized, that I don't. Not fully, not like before..." I remained silent, allowing Lena to say what was on her heart, what she had been holding in for so long
"And it's not just because she stole from us. Sometimes it feels like, wherever Callie goes, trouble follows. That kid has been through so much in her short life and before you say anything, I know-" she paused briefly and gestured with her hands, putting emphasis on it "I know, most of it was not her fault. I know that! But it feels like bad things happen to her, sometimes even to people around her. And I can't help but to be scared, worried about my baby girl being with her-"
"She has made some mistakes. Sure," I said and glanced to the wall, where the sobriety chips Callie had given me stood, reminding us of the last big mistake she made "But she's making it up for it."
I smiled to myself, as I remembered a very fond memory of Callie. Lena picked up on it and commented quietly "What? What is it?"
"Do you remember, when we went on the very first trip with Amy and Callie?"
"I do,"
"Callie was furious with us and we didn't understand why. Few days in the trip, Amy told us to take Callie for a hike and talk it out-" I started to reminisce, hoping that it will remind Lena of the same memory
Lena gasped, remembering the conversation we had with the girl back then "Everyone deserves a second chance."
I smiled at her "You have to give her a chance, love, to earn your trust back. And Frankie is good hands with Callie, because I know that girl would do everything to keep her safe. Besides, she has a pepper spray, a whistle, a baton and a taser!"
Lena chuckled at the end and let out a relieved sigh. She came over to me and gave me a kiss "Thank you, for talking some sense into me. I know I was being irrational-"
"It's okay, love. We all have these kind of moments. I'm just glad I could help," I leaned in to give her a tight hug
"You smell really bad," Lena said pulling out of the hug "Go take that shower," she patted my chest and kissed my cheek
"With your permission, my lady," I did a little bow and felt Lena slap my upper hand while giggling
~0~0~0~
When I returned downstairs 20 minutes later, I found Frankie, Callie, Beth and Lena all sitting around the kitchen table, chatting. Frankie was doing most of the talking. There was a cup of tea in front of Callie and Beth, but a glass of milk for Frankie. Lena had even put some cookies out, they stood on a small place in the middle of the table.
"Mom! Mom!" Frankie called out when she saw me, jumped down the stool and run up to hug me "I sat in a firetruck! It was so big and I was so tiny compared to it! Callie, show mom the photos!"
"I already sent the photos over to Lena," Callie said handing me her phone so I could look at the photos "To the right," she commented quietly, before I started to swipe and returned her attention back to the cup of tea
Three were about a dozen of photos of Frankie posing in the fire trucks, in the back of the ambulance, with her feet in the big fire men boots and jackets, holding water hose, sliding down the pole, some with actual firefighters and paramedics I did not recognize (must be from other shifts) and few other similar nature photos. In all of them, however, Frankie had the biggest grin on I had ever seen.
"You look like you had good time, yes?" I stroke Frankie's hair
She nodded her head vigorously "I had the best time! It was the best day ever!"
"Best day, huh? I'm happy for you," I leaned down and kissed Frankie's head. The smile on her face widened, not sure how it was possible, because she was already smiling from one ear to other.
Damn, if she goes down the same path as Callie or me, my hair will turn white in matter of seconds. I won't be able to take it. It's one thing that I put my life on line every day, but if my baby girl wants to do that as well by being either a firefighter or paramedic…No thank you!
I snapped out of my thought just in time to hear Callie's reply to Lena "-just didn't sleep at my place last night, feel a little bit tired is all."
Lena raised her eyebrow at her, surprised, but there was no surprise evident in Beth's face "Erm, so where did you sleep last night, missy?" I quickly joined the conversation, placing the phone back in front of her and walked around the table to sit opposite Callie and Beth. Frankie climbed in my lap.
"Uhh," Callie blanked for a second "N-Nowhere. I mean-" she scratched the back of her neck. Beth just sat and watched (by the looks enjoyed) how Callie tried to talk her way out of this one.
"You know. At h-home. I was home at my mothers...Amy's place- " Callie chuckled nervously, she took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly trying to salvage the situation "I stayed with my mom."
"Huh, really?" I asked not believing it for one second. I glanced to Lena, to find that she had come to the same exact conclusion as I had.
Callie looked between me and Lena, before she hung her head down, realizing that we saw right through her
"Ugh, fine. We went out last night," she nodded her head towards Beth "Met this one person from work at a bar-" Callie broke and started to say "I hit it off with the guy," her eyes darted between me and Lena, probably looking to see if we were judging her life choices. There was no judgment, definitely not from me. By the looks, not from Lena as well.
"Ooh, tell me more," I sang out. Happy that she was getting her life back, going out and having fun, meeting people. Of course, part of me was also worried for her, I did see that girl as my daughter and I didn't want anything bad happening to her. But it was about time she got back to dating.
"He looked cute!" Frankie spoke up. Now I was surprised as I did not understand how Frankie had seen him or met him
"Frankie!" Callie hissed at the girl, upset that she blabbed too much
"Oops!" Frankie said quietly and looked up to me "I was not suppose to say that the guy came over to firehouse, looking for her."
"Frankie!" Callie hissed again, her cheeks reddened, Beth just burst out laughing next to her
"Oops. Sorry Callie," Frankie said slowly
"He came looking for you?" Lena asked, intrigued, as she leaned on the table
"Callie left the guys place without even giving him her number," Beth explained, while Callie was busy burying her head in her palms "He came looking for her, thinking she might have a shift today. Instead, he finds her playing with Frankie with the water hose. The guy-" Beth leans back with a smirk on her face "Heart eyes! Heart eyes as he watches them play."
"He liked you," Lena smiled
"Beth! Don't -don't -" Callie turned to her friend, desperate
"They exchanged numbers. And they are going on a date this Sunday,"
"Oh my god!" Callie sighed and lowered her head to the table, hiding from everyone
"I think she likes him too," Beth said placing her hand on Callie's back and rubbed circles on it, comforting her.
"Well, do you? Like him?" I asked, not being able to contain my enthusiasm and interest any longer
"I'm not talking about this," Callie declared. Her avoidance of talking about the topic only told me one thing, she did like him back, though, she was not ready to admit it just yet.
Callie lifted her head up from the table and gestured to Frankie "Frankie sat in a firetruck today. Did you tell them that you pulled the horn?"
"Na-ha," Frankie shook her head "I pulled the horn and it sooooo loud. I thought my ears would pop. But it was so cool," That was all it took for us to divert away from the topic of Callie's dating life. The girl was clearly not ready to talk about it, so we weren't going to push her. Once she's ready, I'm sure we will hear all about it.
~0~0~0~
"That's me, right there," Beth said from the back seat "You can stop here," I heard her open the safety belt as I slowly pulled the car to the side of the road
"Thank you for driving me home," Beth said
I looked in the rear view mirror to see Beth looking right back at me "Thank you for looking after Frankie. We appreciate it very much."
"Ah, no worries. I was just tagging along Callie," Beth downplayed and patted Callie's shoulder "I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!"
"Bye, Beth," Callie and I both said at the same time, before she climbed out of the car and closed the doors behind her. I waited to see Beth walk into the apartment building, before pulling out.
"She's a nice kid," I commented quietly
"Wouldn't say that she's a kid, exactly-" Callie replied with a small chuckle
"She's around your age. You're a kid. That means, she's a kid as well."
"Admit it, you're just old!"
"How dare you. I'm at the prime of my age," I said in fake hurt, Callie just laughed. As the laughter dimmed down, we sat in comfortable silence for a while. That was, until Callie spoke up as she glanced to me "Can I ask you something?"
"Always," I replied keeping my eyes on the road
"Is Lena...does she hate me?"
"What?" I briefly glanced to her, shocked that she would ever think that, slowed the car down a little bit, so that I could focus a little bit more on the conversation "No! Of course not. Why do you-"
"I just got a strange feeling from her. First, when I picked up Frankie at the school and then, when I brought her back. She looked like she regretted calling me. And, I don't know, wary of me, I guess. Little bit distant... It's hard to explain," Callie shrugged at the end
I let out a breath
"So I was right?" Callie reacted to my first response
"No!" I quickly interjected, not wanting for her to get any ideas "Love, it's not that. It's-"
"Please, just tell me. Whatever it is, whatever I did to hurt her, just tell me. I want to make it right," Callie pleaded, when I hesitated with my reply as I was looking for words, for how to explain without hurting her
I briefly glanced her way. She was looking expectant of me. Waiting for answer.
"She may need a little bit more time to..." I took in a breath, before I finished "warm up to you again," I tried to put it as delicate as possible. Feelings were about to get hurt, but I wanted to avoid that.
I heard Callie mumbled quietly to herself "Warm up to me?" From the quick glance her way, I saw her face all frowned up
"Trust you completely after you stole from us."
"Oh," the girl breathed out
"I already spoke to her about it, love," I tried to quickly assure her "It's going to be okay. Just give her a little bit more time. Today, you watching Frankie, was a step in the right direction, okay?"
Callie remained silent as she stared down to the floor, too wrapped up in her thoughts to answer to me. I could see that she was hurt, deeply.
"Hey now," I took my right hand off the wheel and reached over to her "It's going to be okay. She still loves you, still cares for you. She just-"
"Doesn't trust me. I get it," Callie nodded back and looked out the passenger side window "I deserve that. No one to blame but myself for that."
I took my hand back briefly as I needed to switch the gears and make a turn, but once done, I placed my hand right back on her palm that rested on her left leg.
"I expected it from you," Callie admitted as she glanced to me "I had accepted the fact that you will hate me for it, not..." she hung her head down and added quietly "Lena. Wasn't expecting that," she raised her right hand up and brushed it against her cheek. Tear. She wiped away a tear.
"It will be all right, love. She'll come around," I consoled her. We were getting close to her apartment building as well. Two more blocks and we're there. I though about taking a detour, just so I could talk to the girl for a bit longer. I knew that once we will reach her apartment, she will not just sit and talk to me in the car.
"Do you want me to stay away-"
"We don't want that. Lena doesn't want that. I already told you when you first came to apologize, you are still very much welcomed in our home and you are still our family. We love you," I replied, gave her palm one last squeeze, before I took my hand back as I needed to make one last turn
Callie watched me for a while, before nodded her head "Please, tell her that I'm sorry, when you get back."
"I will, love," I assured her stopping the car right in front of her apartment building
"Thank you for the ride," Callie smiled sadly at me, before reaching for her seat belt "I had a really nice time watching Frankie. We hadn't spent that much time together recently, with all that's been going on and...I had missed that kid."
I smiled back at her "I know. She looked like she had a tons of fun with you. I'm guessing you can expect to babysit her for an hour or two in the near future as well."
"I would like that very much," the sadness finally disappeared from her face and I saw a real, genuine smile "I'll see you later. Bye."
"Bye, love." I watched her leave and same as with Beth, waited for her to enter her apartment building. Callie briefly looked over her shoulder to me and gave me a little wave, before opening the front doors and walking in.
Now that I knew she was safe back home, I could drive back home. But I didn't. Not right away. I sat in the car for a minute or two, just watching where Callie left off, before driving away.
Callie POV
I went up to my apartment and got inside. Didn't take my shoes off. Didn't turn on the light. Didn't enter further inside. I remained standing by the doors, with my back to them. Thinking back to all that had happened today.
While my head was full of thoughts, only one stood out. I didn't want to be here alone right now, I didn't want to sit and mope around, trying to numb my emotions so that I don't have to cry or think about what I have done or said wrong.
All I wanted, was to feel something other than that.
So I turned around, exited my apartment, went out to the street and started walking. With a very specific destination on my mind. I knew there was a chance, that I was going to regret it later on, but that's for future me to deal with. Right now, I needed to take my mind off things. There are only handful of ways I could achieve it at this hour. But only one seemed truly acceptable.
I found the apartment building that I was looking for quite easily. I traced back the path in my mind, it was still fresh in my mind as I had walked it this morning. Getting inside the building was a bit harder, because you needed to know a door code. A minute into waiting, a group of young woman all walked out, dressed up like going to a club or some party. High heels, short skirt, make-up, shirts with big cleavage, hair done.
I slipped in the apartment building and made my way up the stairs. Didn't take the elevator, because I didn't want standing around and waiting for it come down. Standing still makes all kind of thoughts come to my mind. No, I needed to keep moving, active. I needed to keep busy.
As I walked down the hallway, I felt my hands getting a bit clammy and my heart began to beat a little harder and faster inside my chest.
When I reached the apartment, I paused briefly. I think I heard some noise, not sure of TV or music, inside the apartment. I raised my hand up, pulled my hand in fist and knocked on the door three times. Hopefully, loud enough for him to hear it.
Took a step back and waited. Nervously. Shifting my weight from one foot to other constantly. My fingers tapping my leg in an unknown rhythm. Biting my lower lip.
Heard footsteps approaching the door. But nothing happened. That's when I realized, he probably was looking through the door peep hole to see who it was. After all, it was pretty late for visitors.
Chain rattling and key turning was heard next.
Issac opened the door. Bare feet, wearing sweatpants and t-shirt. His hair a little messy.
"Callie? What are you doing here?" He looked both ways of the hallway, before his eyes stopped on me
"Here's the thing, I don't think that I am ready for a real date-"
"I-" he opened his mouth, wanting to reply but I hushed him
"Dating or new relationship in general actually. You seem like a very good guy. You treated me with more respect and dignity, than some people who I have actually lived with for years. And you barely even knew me. The thing is, dating and being in relationships takes up a lot of your time and energy. It takes a lot out of everyone to be fully committed, fully...present, supporting, caring and getting to know one another. I'm trying to be as honest as I can with you right now, and it is taking-" I pulled my hands in fists and for the first time caught my breath
"-so much out of me. To open up like this." I let out a long sigh, hopefully, he will see how hard this in on me
"If you knew me for more than a day, you would know that I have these walls around me. I have been fighting with myself everyday, for the past-" I lightly shook my head as I tried to count back the years "-ten if not more years, to let people in. Trust me, I want to let you in. I do. But..."
I let my arms fall back down to my sides "I'm not ready. While to you, the bombing probably is far in the past, to me, it is not. I still have nightmares about it. Every day I look in the mirror, I see my scars and I am reminded of what happened – that I was one step away from death, of what I put my family and friends through, of the struggles with my recovery-"
I shifted in my place, briefly glanced to the hallway, where the stairs and elevator was, to form my thoughts.
"I found out barely half an hour ago, that a person, my friends, who is so close to my heart that I see her as family, no longer fully trusts me. All because of one mistake, one thing I did while I was in recovery. I have regretted the action ever since and I'm still living with the consequences."
"That's sounds-" Issac wanted to speak up, he probably thought i was done, but I was not. I just needed to catch my breath
"I had gotten addicted to pain medication," I admitted quietly, not proud of it at all
"I'm so sorry," Issac said quietly
"What I'm trying to say is that, I'm messed up. Even though I'm back to work, I'm still living with the consequences of all that has happened. Once a week I still go to therapy. I attend AA group for addiction. Still do physical therapy. Slowly I am starting to get back on my own two feet, but I'm not fully there yet. And it wouldn't be fair for you to deal with my baggage as well."
I shook my head, thinking of the horror I would put the other person through , this time Issac, if we started a new relationship. It sent shivers down my spine "No. I don't want to to put you through that. I'm not ready to be back to dating, let alone staring a new relationship."
Issac stood silent. He looked a little taken aback and shocked by everything I just laid out on him, but he still stood listening to me. He hadn't slammed the doors in my face.
I paused, as I took in the appearance of the man, that I haven't really gotten out of my head the whole day. There was one thing I still hadn't said to him. And it was the hardest part yet.
I bit my lip and told my myself to just say it. I started it, I needed to finish it.
"But the thing is-" I started, I needed to say everything that was on my mind "-I like you."
"So, where does that leaves us?" Issac asked
Long silence fell upon us as we stood in the hallway, looking at one another. He was waiting for to answer. I was scared of how he will respond to what I was about to say to him. I swallowed back a lump in my throat.
"Do you want to have sex with me?"
"Only if that is what you really want," Issac replied "Are you sober?"
"I'm sober and I want to have sex with you," I stated loud and clear
Issac opened the doors a bit wider and stepped aside, letting me in. I smiled and walked inside.
He closed and locked the doors behind me.