AN: Never expected you guys to react so strongly. Hope, I can redeem Lena with this chapter.

I have re watched few clips of The Fosters on Youtube. It reminded me how little scenes of Lena and Callie we got, given the fact that she was in fact the one that picked her up from Juvie. In fact most Lena scenes with Callie, included Stef as well. There's barely any scenes to draw inspiration from.

Happy to see new readers have joined, glad to see the old ones still enjoying it. Thank you for your continuous support.

Hope you enjoy :)

Callie POV

I was breathing heavily. My whole body was covered in sweat. Felt a drop of it slowly rolling down my temple. But my hands were busy, so it fell down and landed on my arm. My hair was somehow sticking to my skin, but at the same time in my face.

My calf's felt like they were burning. Had a feeling that the right one was few seconds away from getting a cramp.

It was hot in the room. The air was stuffy. Felt a light breeze from the opened window. The fresh air helped a little.

Kind of wish I could exercise with even less clothing, but I was already wearing just sport tights and a bra. I had discarded the shirt and shoes I was wearing, when I had returned from my run.

I glanced to the phone on the table as it counted away the seconds. It had barely gotten past the 3 minute mark, felt like I had been doing this for a lot longer.

Grinned my teeth as I pushed through the pain as I continued to jump with the jump rope. I was having a good run, hadn't broken the jump once. That was until I thought about Lena again.

"Ahh," I hissed in pain, when the jumping rope hit my arm, leaving a red mark on my skin

In frustration and anger, I threw the jumping rope across the room. I ran my hand over my hair, pushing the strays of sweaty hair away from my face, then pulled my hair that was in ponytail, away from my skin on my neck it had stuck to. With my hands on my hips, I paced back and forth the apartment, trying hard to think of anything else but Lena and her mistrust in me. But I kept circling back to it.

The one-night stand I had with Issac the other day, had helped only for a short period of time. Even during work the following day, my mind often wandered towards the Lena issue. Especially, when were sitting in the firehouse waiting for the next call. I had tried to occupy myself by watching stupid TV shows and browsing the internet this morning. When I had realized, that didn't work as well, I went for a run. Trying to clear my head.

Here I was, more than hour and half into exercising, but still no matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she doesn't trust me.

I was hurt for I didn't understand why. All I wanted was for things to go back to the way they were. I needed to fix this and Lena was the only one, who could tell me what I needed to do.

I grabbed the water bottle and drank the little water what was left there, then stared at the discarded shoes and shirt on the floor.

If I don't put my mind at ease and fix this, I was afraid that it might lead me down a darker path – drowning myself in alcohol or drugs. I had promised myself, my mom and everyone I loved, that I would not go down that path ever again.

I needed to speak to her – I needed answers. It was the only way how to deal with it. Properly.

A minute later, I find myself locking the apartment and running towards the staircase. Once I got out to the street, I turned in the direction of the Adams Foster house and started to run towards it.

~0~0~0~

I arrived at the house at dusk. My mouth was dry from all the running. The Sun had inconveniently been in front of me the whole time. The heat from the asphalt hadn't helped at all. I hadn't stopped once on my way here, so now I finally started to feel that I was very low on energy and in desperate need of some water. Adding the fact that I had already gone on a run before I decided to run here, I was surprised that I hadn't just collapsed somewhere on the way.

I jumped up the three steps and banged on the doors, loudly. I had seen Lena through the living room window, she was watching the TV. Trying to catch my breath, I started to pace around the front porch as I waited her to open the door.

The doors opened, when I was with my back to them.

"Callie?" I heard Lena's voice and turned around to find her standing in the open doors "What are you doing here so late? Is everything okay?" After she had few seconds of a good look of me, she asked "Did you run here?"

"I need to speak to you," I stated ignoring all of her questions. I was here for a reason. A very specific reason. Not going to waste any time answering questions.

"Of course. Come on in," Lena stepped aside, letting me in. I walked pass her heading straight into the living room. At the last second stopped myself from bumping my shoulder into hers. Walked through it all the way to the far side of the room.

The TV was still on, muted, but still playing.

"You look like you could use a drink. Do you want some water or tea?"

"What I need-" I turned to face her "-is for you to give me some answers."

Lena took the small step down to enter the living fully "I have been meaning to talk to you myself, actually."

"Oh, have you, really?" I took her statement with a grain of salt, not really sure how I felt about her right now

"Yes," Lean took another step towards me "Stef told me about the conversation you two had in the car the other day. I'm sorry I didn't go speak to you myself. I wanted to, trust me, but I-"

"Trust you?" I spit back with attitude, angered by her choice of words – how dare she say that "You want me to trust you—when you clearly don't trust me!" I was sure, Lena noticed the little crack in my voice when I had to hold my emotions down.

"Callie, tha-" Lena shook her head as she started to move closer to me, trying to explain or excuse her actions.

I raised my hand up, gesturing for her to stop. I didn't want to be too close to her, I needed to maintain a distance between us.

"I know that, you and I didn't have the best start," I pointed between the two of us "But I thought that...despite the differences we had at the beginning, we still had something special. I thought you were my friend- " I pressed my hand against my chest "I thought you were my family."

"We are!" Lena insisted "Of course we are a family. I love you, sweetheart."

I found myself shaking my head "You have always been more wary and distant of me than Stef."

Lena didn't deny it "That's simply the way I am. It...it takes time for me to warm up to new people. It doesn't come to me as natural as it does for Stef."

"From the stories I've heard, you didn't have any problem with warming up to others. Not Jude, not the twins or even Brandon. No, you just...fell in love with them the moment you met them. But not me-"

"The situations...it was not the same-" Lena tried to explain herself, but I was having none of it. Felt like I needed to vent it all out, all the pent up emotions.

"It's exactly the same!" I yelled pointing my finger down and stomping my foot "None of us, were yours, when we first met you. But only I met the more judgmental, the more distant and cold you!"

"From the moment I first stepped a foot in this house, I knew you were going to be the one that I would have to try to impress the hardest. I knew you were always judging me. My every word, every action, every decision I ever made. Every time I got in trouble at school, I got to see the Mena Lena. While others always got away just with a warming from you. I never got warnings with you – always straight to detentions. Every time I misbehaved while here along with the others kids here – I was the one called out on it. The blame was always put on me first. Always!"

Lena had taken a little step back and was just listening to me for the moment. Standing pretty much still, her arms by her sides. Eyes locked on me. Thought I saw her clench her jaw a moment ago.

Seeing how calm and composed she looked, I realized I should probably stop yelling and lower my voice a little bit. It had gotten louder and angrier as I had went on, my emotions taking over.

"I always tried to do...to be my best while around you, but a lot of time, it felt like my best, was never enough for you. You always expected...more from me," I continued in a lot slower manner as I tried my best to contain my emotions in a more acceptable manner

I glanced to my left, where there kitchen was and got instantly reminded by the conversation that took place there the first time I came back after I stole from them.

"You stood-" I pointed towards the kitchen "You stood right there! Right there – and you told me that you forgive me and trust me-" I looked back at her "But it was all a big lie-"

"Callie-" Lena breathed out

I shook my head vigorously, trying to get across that I was not done yet "I have done everything I can! I have apologized a thousand times. All the sobriety chips I earn, I give straight to Stef to prove to you both, that I am clean and that I will never do anything like that ever again. A day doesn't go by that I don't regret what I did. I have told you before but I can tell you again – if I could take it back, I would. I don't know what else to do to get your trust back, to have you forgive me for real this time-" I sounded desperate at the end, I was desperate "Please, tell me what to do!"

"Nothing. There is nothing you can do," Lena replied

I didn't even know I was on the verge of tears. But as soon as the words registered in my brain, the tears started to fall. My knees got weak. I hand went out to grip the backrest of the armchair, to steady myself, but it didn't do any good.

As the breath escaped my mouth, I dropped to my knees sobbing at the realization that I fucked up this relationship for good and no amount of apologizing will ever fix it.

~0~0~0~

I was on my knees and hands, sobbing, rocking back and forth, when I felt arms wrap around me. Holding me, cradling me. I tried to push them away, for I knew it was Lena, who was trying to console me.

I wanted to not need her right now. I needed to get a hold of my emotions and walk away with at least some dignity left. If only it was that easy...

"Shhh, shhh," I heard in my ear over and over again as I uncontrollable sobs had taken over my and I was crying my heart out. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. My chest even hurt a little from it. It was hard to catch a breath to get the much needed air in my lungs between my cries. Head pulsed.

I gave up on fighting her eventually, because it simply got too hard. Too impossible to do it. I felt my hair being stroked, later on she was rubbing my back. And before I knew it, I felt being gently rocked back and forth in a soothing and calming motion, while being held between her arms as sweet nothing was being whispered in my ear again and again, and again until I will eventually stop crying.

~0~0~0~

Had no idea how much time passed, till my sobs started to die out and my mind started to clear again.

At first, I thought, I wanted this relationship only because of Jude. This woman took Jude in. Loves him like he's her flesh and blood, loves him unconditionally. Puts his needs in front of her own. Cares deeply about him. There have been countless of times, when Jude has told me stories about how Lena helped him. Encouraged him to come to terms with him being gay. Supported him through everything.

But no, it's not just because of Jude. I have always looked up to Lena, myself. I could probably think of ten if not twenty words to describe Lena at the top of my head. Nurturing and gentle came to mind first as she was literally holding me in her arms, comforting me, despite the fact that I had just yelled at her and was smelly and sweaty from the run here. But it all comes down to one simple thing, really, I can't imagine not having her in my life. Not being able to call or just come here and talk to her. About anything, really.

Despite how much I hurt right now, I wanted tho have Lena in my life.

Stef and I had just clicked, almost instantly. We were in a ways very similar to one another. Starting from being suborn, down to us always trying to protect the ones we love. I could relate to Ste very easily. It didn't take no effort actually. But I hadn't met anyone like Lena before. In a way, I valued friendship with Lena a little bit more than with Stef, because of the rough start we had. We both had to work to turn that relationship into a friendship and I was proud of it. The rough start we had only told me one thing - when it came down it, Lena would fight for this friendship. Just like I was fighting for it right now. Deep down, I knew Lena was going to fight for it as well. It may not be obvious to me right now, but I knew she would. I will not be the only one to fight for it.

If life had turned out differently, it would have been Lena picking me up at the Juvie, instead of Amy. Not Stef. That I was certain of. Can't explain it, but knew it was true. I could picture her vividly standing in the parking lot of the Juvie, talking to David, when I was getting out of Juvie. She's the one that sees something in me, that makes her want to help me. Lena doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve like Stef does, but it doesn't mean, she loves any less.

Lena maneuvered a little, then felt her tuck my hair behind my ears, so she could see me better. To be honest, I would feel more comfortable hidden away from her look.

I raised my arm up and covered my eyes, but Lena gently took my hand and lowered it.

"I didn't get to finish," Lena said softly, the moment I allowed myself to look back at her. Seeing the way she was looking at me, made me avert my eyes downward, quickly. The look she was giving me was too soft. Too full of love. Too much for me right now.

"Look at me, honey. Can you, please, look at me?"

I sniffed some more, took in a new ragged breaths and slowly raised my head to look her in the eye. Felt my eyes burning with more tears, my face felt all puffy. I probably looked horrible.

Lena stared into my eyes for a few seconds as if she was admiring me, before she said "There is nothing you can do, because like you said, you already did everything you possibly could. It's not your fault. This-" Lena paused and sighed heavily "This is on me. "

I blinked, not saying anything for a moment, as I was confused and surprised about what I was hearing.

"You don't hate me?" I asked finally being able to form words

"Callie, I could never hate you." The hair, Lena tucked behind my ear, fell back out. Lena stirred a little and tucked it back behind my ear. She then moved to sit with her back against the couch, I remained on my knees next to her.

"You're not the only one struggling, okay," Lena said. It took me a a moment, before I understand that she was waiting for some sort of reply from me. I nodded my head back slowly, still not believing it fully. Wiped my face in the hem of my shirts sleeve as much as I could to clean up.

"To be completely honest with you, I don't fully understand it myself," she began to explain "I'm having an internal struggle with myself. In my mind, I understand why you did what you did. It wasn't...you. Not the real you. Oxycontin- " Lena shook her head "It's a very dangerous medication. It messed with your brain. You got addicted to the feeling that it brought, the relief that you felt, it numbed everything. You were in pain, felt desperate. The addiction won you over. "

My knees started to hurt, so I moved and sat next to her, with my back against the couch side and legs stretched out as I continued to listen to her.

"But it still hurt," she glanced towards me for a brief moment "What you did. Despite all that, it still hurt. It turned out, I was more hurt, then I initially thought. It had felt very...personal. As if you had reached inside my chest and taken a little piece of my heart with you."

Never knew how much she was hurt by this. If it had really felt as bad as she had described, no wonder she needed a little bit more time to recover from it. Her mind and her heart was in a conflict. It's never an easy conflict to resolve. I remember reading about similar problem a long time ago, when I was preparing for the Liam trial. The conflict between the heart and the mind had been described like your parents fighting, your father and mother arguing, whom would you follow, whose side will you take. The best course of action would be for you to take a step back and pause. Give the two a moment to resolve it. When you recheck later, you know what to do. When I had woken up the day of Liam's trial, I knew exactly what I was going to say to the judge. It was crystal clear to me what path I had needed to take.

I speculated, that Lena had not taken that needed pause to reflect on things. She had pushed towards the mind thing, but it had backfired. Her heart had not yet heal properly.

We sat in silence for a short period of time, till Lena spoke up again "I think, I never really allowed myself to properly deal with it. There had been so much stuff happening, that I hadn't had the time to sit down and...think or cry about what happened and why. Not just the pills stuff, but all that happened before as well. "

"I know what you mean," I replied, my voice still hoarse from all the crying, Lena tilted her head a little as she was all ears to listen to me "I thought I had gotten over Liam. I thought I had put in the past, when I first told Amy about it. Looking back at it now, that's only when I first started to deal with it."

"Yeah, I..." I looked down to my hands then glanced up to Lena "I understand, not dealing with stuff, until it kind of comes back and bite you in the ass."

She blindly reached for my hand and squeezed it.

Floorboard creaked in the hallway, making me look towards it, wondering if Frankie or Stef was going to walk in. But I heard no other footsteps, no voices afterwards. After watching the hallway for few more seconds, I glanced back to Lena.

"I remember Stef talking to me about it, going through all of the emotions. She let it all out, while I was just...being there for her," Lena slowly shook her head as she remembered "I listened to Jude, when he expressed how scared he was for you. I sat with Frankie and spoke to her about what happened, of what it all meant. I told B over the phone. Talked to the twins, trying to console them that you will not go down the same path as their birth mom did. But I never talked to anyone about how it made me feel, what I thought of it all, how it affected me."

"You're talking about it now," I said gingerly, hoping that this was the start for her to fully forgive me

Lena smiled at me and reached for my hand, to squeeze it "I am, indeed. It's a start,"

I knew that, I wasn't going to be the person she will pour her heart out about it. That was clearly going to be Stef. But I was just glad, that she started this conversation with me. It gave me hope, she will continue to have it Stef later on.

For a moment, I thought about asking how much more time she'll going to need to trust me again fully. In the end, decided against it, because no one can put time on it. No one can predict such things, not me, not Lena herself, not some doctor in fancy white coats or anyone else.

A moment passed with us sitting in each others company

"Why did you forgive me then?" I asked, bravely, feeling now was the best time to ask it

"You needed to hear it," Lena replied almost instantly, she didn't have to think or wander about it "It was important to you. You were fresh out of rehab. Still very...fragile, vulnerable, feeling guilty and blaming yourself. Hated seeing you like that. You feeling accepted, loved...you being safe and healthy and happy came first. Figured my full forgiveness and trust in you will come back eventually anyway, so there was no real reason to hurt you then and there-"

"It really did mean a lot to hear you both say it," I confirmed, thinking back to that day.

Back then, it meant everything to me. The scary reality is, I would have probably started re-using to numb the pain and all the feelings for I hadn't been strong enough to deal with it the right way. With so fresh out of rehab, the thought of going back down that road again to use it cope with everything, seemed very tempting. It would be much more easier than to actually try to talk about it.

"We're going to be okay, right?" I questioned warily as I looked at her

"Yeah," Lena smiled at me before she lowered her head to mine and wrapped her arm around my shoulder "We're going to be okay, love. Just, give me a little bit more time - we'll be all right."

I closed my eyes as I enjoyed the half hug.

"Oww," a cry from the hallway caught both of our attentions. That was followed my light footsteps coming down the stairs and Frankie appearing in the doorway, wearing her pajamas and holding a comb in her hair. Her hair was all wet and wild, going in all directions.

"Mama, can you do my hair? Mom doesn't know how,"

"Hey, I know how. I have fought your hair tangles your whole life-" I heard Stef before I saw her "You're hair is just more…" she appeared in the doorway behind Frankie and gestured towards the wild hair on Frankie's head "...it's just...more disheveled than usual!"

Frankie squinted her eyes at her mom, who made a face right back at her "I don't know what that means,"

I laughed at the two of them, as I slowly got up to my feet "I should probably go."

Frankie turned back to Lena "Mama – will you do my hair?"

As Lena was getting up herself, she glanced to me, before she replied to her daughter "I need to drive Callie back home. I'm sure mom can untangle the tangles in your hair, if you just give her another chance-"

"She keeps pulling on it, it hurts." Frankie protested

"Stef, use that hair spray – the pink bottle. It's on the upper shelf-" Lena gave Stef a hint

"Ah, got it," Stef nodded back and showed thumbs up "I think I can manage,"

"I'll go get the keys-" Lena told me, touching my upper arm briefly as she passed me, before disappearing upstairs

"You two okay?" Stef asked standing with her hands placed on Frankie's shoulders. Had a feeling the two of them had been sitting on the stairs and listening on. At least on the last half of the conversation. I did cause quite the noise in here. It would be strange, if Stef had missed it.

"I think so. Or at least on the right path,"

"That's good," Stef smiled at me

Lena came back down with her purse. I said my goodbyes and we were out of the door the next moment.

~0~0~0~

We had turned out on the main road, when Lena spoke up, continuing the conversation from earlier

"I think, from the moment I met you, I have indeed looked at you a little bit differently, than the other kids. They were all just children, when I met them. All under the age of 7."

I glanced over to her. It was already dark outside. I could barely see her. Only when we drove under the street light, I saw a full view of her her. Her features.

"I met Brandon, when Stef brought him to enroll in school. He was stuck in the middle of his parents divorce, thinking it was his fault. B always tried to please both of them, be the perfect kid, in hopes that his parents would stay together, not be angry with one another. At that time, he simply didn't know...didn't understand what was happening. He was hurting and everyone could see it. B was never good at hiding or keeping his emotions to himself."

Noticed that Lena's grip on the steering wheel changed. She gripped it a bit more tighter before letting the steering wheel go with the right hand only to grip the shift gear instead.

"Met the twins, when they were both in foster care, after foster home number 3. The first time I saw them, they were sitting by Stef's desk in the precinct. Their foster parents had just dropped them off, not wanting to deal with them any longer. Both scared of what was going to happen to them, if they will have a roof over their head for the night and some food in their bellies. Mariana didn't speak at all, Jesus was trying to protect his little sister, but he was just as scared as he was, at that time living with un-diagnosed ADHD. Both suffering from abandonment and trust issues."

I glanced down to my lap, thinking how rough the twins childhood had been. They both were lucky they found Lena and Stef so soon in their childhood. If they had lived in the foster care till teenage years, I'm sure they had been all kind of messed up.

"Your brother, sweet little Jude, had just lost his mom and in a way, his father as well," Lena turned to look at me for the first time, since she started to speak about meeting the kids "Separated from the only family he had left-"

We held eye contact for a short moment, neither saying anything. There was no need for words. We both knew of what she spoke.

Lena looked back to the street in front and continued on speaking "Jude was confused and scared. He kept asking, when his mom will come back. It took him a few weeks to fully understand, that he will never see his mom ever again. When he finally did came to that realization, he couldn't stop crying. Jude was grief-stiffen and very understandably so. Loosing his mom at such a young age. Just old enough to remember loosing her, but not old enough to have too many memories of her. There were countless nights, he woke up crying for his mom to come hold him, kiss him one last time. In addition, he was silently mourning the lose of you as well. All by himself."

With that thought of my brother on my mind, I swallowed. Gosh, I wished I had been there for him. I would have held him through the night. Kiss away the bad dreams he had. Tell him stories about her.

I wiped away the tear that was slowly falling down my cheek and turned to look at Lena.

"When I met you, I didn't see...a kid that needed my help," Lena shook her head "You didn't need me, like the other kids had. What I saw instead, was this...young woman who living what appeared to me a very good life."

"My life was still pretty messed up," I said quietly, knowing I didn't have to reminded me, but felt like I needed to

Lena nodded "I know," we stopped at a red light "But at that time, I had no idea what you had been through. All I had to go on, was what I saw. The longer I knew you, the more I got to know the real you, all the things that you went through when you were in foster care. Meeting Malloc was the first wake-up call, that you may not have had the good and easy life I first imagined you had. I saw how much he frightened you—frightened Amy. Witnessed first hand of what he could do, what he did to you! Soon I came to realization that you might actually have had the most traumatic childhood of all of you. I will only ever know the tip of the iceberg with you, only what you allow us to know. And that...that shocked me to my core, knowing that you have been through so much hardship in your short life..."

The light turned green and Lena continued to drive me home "All I wanted, was to see you thrive. Not just academically, but with your life in general. Because that's what you deserve - to come out of it stronger. That's why I treated you a little bit differently. Always saw you as the more responsible one. Expected a little bit more from you than the others and was a bit harder on you. I wanted to help you...achieve it. At the start, I didn't even know, what my role in your life was going to be like. I knew how to be a mother, a school principal, a teacher…You already had a mom, so I leaned more towards the principal/teacher thing. It took me a while to realize, that it would not work as well. That all you needed me to be was a friend."

Lena paused briefly "I apologize if I hurt you, it was never my intention," she glanced to me as long as she could, being behind the wheel.

"It's okay. You meant well,"

"But I approached it the wrong way. And for that, I am sorry."

I smiled up to her, accepting her apology without saying anything.

"And I'm going to work on...my issues," Lena added, in a much softer and delicate voice "I promise. Know that, this is my struggle. You already did everything right on your part."

"Okay," I whispered out, nodding my head

We stopped at another red light. This time, Lena leaned over to place a gentle kiss on my temple "I love you."

"Love you too," I said back, but then quickly pointed out "Green!"

Lena pulled on my street, when the phone that I had put in my tights waistline pocket on my back, made a ding sound, suggesting I got a new message. By the time I had fished the phone out of the small pocket, making sure I do not drop my keys in the process, Lena stopped the car by the apartment.

The timing, when I had looked at the screen and Lena had glanced over to me, was perfect for her to see the short message I had gotten from Issac

Busy? Wanna have sex?

"I'm no expert, but I think, that no longer counts as one-night stand," Lena said pointing down to my phone

"Friends with benefits?" I said in a whisper, with a smirk on my lips as I typed back My place or yours? to Issac