[Scene: Saturday at the Crown. Naru, Umino and Zoi are having parfaits. Usagi is sipping on a tall glass of soda water while studying her math book]

Motoki: [To Usagi] Are you sure I can't get you a parfait?

Naru: Not until she learns percentages.

Usagi: [grumbles] Which will be never. [eyes Naru's chocolate parfait with lust in her eyes]

Zoi: Um... this so good. I got pumpkin pie. It's got pumpkin icecream, whipped cream, and pumpkin chiffon. [pulls out one of the cookie wafers] These are supposed to taste like pie crust, but I think it' shortbread. [holds it out to Usagi] Does this taste like shortbread to you?

[Usagi greedily eyes the cookie wafer dripping with pumpkin icecream. She reaches for it but Zoi snatches it away]

Zoi: Oh, that's right. You can't have any parfait until you finish all your homework.

[Zoi eats the wafer]

Usagi: [crying] That was evil! You are so evil!

Naru: [eyes Usagi's blank sheet of homework] Percentages are easy. You just convert the number to a decimal and do multiplication.

Usagi: You're assuming I know how to do multiplication.

Umino: You're joking, right?

[Usagi slumps her head down on the table until her pigtails are hanging off the other side shakes her head sadly]

Zoi: How did you get through elementary school?

Usagi: I memorized the multiplication tables right before I had a test, and forgot them right afterward. It was ok when that was all I had to do but now there is all this other stuff...

Umino: You ARE joking, right.

[Usagi shakes her head sadly again]

Zoi: By any chance have you been diagnosed with a learning disorder?

Usagio: Yeah, I have. It's called "being really, really, really, REALLY dumb."

Umino: I don't think you're THAT dumb. Two really's would have been sufficient.

Naru: Umino, that's not helpful.

Usagi: [sighs] I don't understand how you three brainiacs can stand to sit at the same table as a dunce like me...[teary-eyed] No wonder Mamoru wants us to break up.

Zoi: Mamoru doesn't want to break up with you. Have you spoken to him recently?

Usagi: [bitter] No.

Zoi: [shocked] No?

Usagi: No.

Zoi: [flabbergasted] He promised he'd call you!

Usagi: [groans without looking up] Oh. So he's taking your calls, too?

Zoi: Oh for heavensakes. This is getting ridiculous. [Gets out his phone] I'll call him right now and then hand the phone over to you.

[Dials Mamoru]

Mamoru: [creaky] Hello?

Zoi: Hello, Mamoru. It's me, Zoi-

*click*

[Usagi raises her head slightly to regard Zoi's perplexed expression]

Zoi: That's weird. We got cut off. I'll try again.

[He dials Mamoru and hangs up when the phone rings five times then goes to voicemail]

[Zoi sets down his phone with a shrug]

Umino: Low battery, maybe?

Zoi: I guess. I'll give it another hour.

[Zoi's phone rings. He looks and sees it's Susan Chiba.]

Zoi: Hello?

Aunt Sue: [stern] Why do you keep calling my nephew? Is there something you want?

Zoi: Hi Aunt Sue. I'm here at the Crown with Usagi. We wanted to check if Mamoru is ok.

Aunt Sue: He's not. He's very sick at the moment and he doesn't need you calling him!

Zoi: Ok, sorry about that. I thought he was getting better by now. Tell him-

*click*

Zoi: Well that was harsh.

Usagi: What was?

Zoi: Mamoru's Aunt Sue got all snippity and then hung up on me.

Usagi: [shrugs] It sounds about right to me.

Zoi: [giggles nervously as he puts his phone away] Oh, well. I guess I've worn out my welcome at Casa da Chiba.

Umino: [frantic] Anywhooo, is anyone here EVER going to help me out with my date?

Zoi: Oh, yeah, when is it?

Umino: I haven't made it yet. I have to figure out how to keep her from scaring her away, first. She hasn't figured out that, as a girl, she's supposed to find me utterly repulsive.

Zoi: Usagi and Naru don't find you utterly repulsive.

Usagi: [still facedown on the table] Yes. We do.

Umino: [Unoffended] See? What did I tell you? I'm Cute Girl Kryponite! I just know I'm going to do something creepy or say something stupid and scare her away... I'm practically throwing up now, trying to figure out what I'm going to say to her... I should just cancel, right now, so I can end this on a positive note.

Usagi: [muffled since her face is still on the table] take her to the movies.

Umino: What?

Usagi: [sits up] If you're afraid to talk to her, take her to the movies. That way you can sit there in silence, for the first few hours..They are showing some nice PG-rated family-friendly films in the park this month... You can buy her an icecream afterward and go for a walk with her as you discuss the movie for the rest of the date.

Umino: Usagi, that's genius!

Usagi: Just don't try to kiss her like you tried to kiss me that one time in the eighth grade.

Umino: [blushes] Oh, don't worry. Just the thought of kissing her is making me see black spots.

[Zoi sneaks a peek at Naru. She looks thoughtful, but under the table she is twisting her napkin in her lap so hard it is practically tearing.]

[Motoki comes by with a tray of drinks]

Motoki: [To Usagi] Are you sure I can't interest you in a parfait?

Usagi: [mournful] No, thanks. If I can't be smart enough for Mamoru, at least I'll be thin enough for him.

Motoki: Oh, well. Here's another complimentary soda water for you. I may have snuck a couple maraschino cherries and squeeze of lime into it. [winks at Usagi] And for the rest of you, here is the check. [places a folded paper in the center of the table] No rush. Take your time.

Usagi: [grabs the check] I'll get this.

Naru: You didn't have anything.

Usagi: That's ok. You don't know how happy I am to be out of my room and sitting with my friends. Besides, it's not much. Only $19, even...[gets out a couple of twenties]...Aw, look at the cute little smiley face Motoki drew under his name. He's so great... I'm going to leave him a 35% tip.

[Usagi writes $6.65 on the tip line]

[The others stare at her.]

Usagi: What?

Zoi: Should we tell her?

[Naru shakes her head at Zoi, then looks at Usagi]

Naru: Usagi, what is 35% of 19?

Usagi: I don't know.

Zoi: If a $35 blouse is on sale for 15% off, how much does it cost?

Usagi: With or without sales tax?

Zoi: Without.

Usagi: $29.75.

Zoi: [To Umino and Naru] Is that right?

Umino: [nods] If we bought a dozen macarons, and I had one, Zoi had five, and Naru had 20% more than Zoi, how many does that leave for you?

Usagi: [outraged] None! You ate them all! Just like I didn't get a parfait!

[Usagi's three friends take a deep breath]

Usagi: What?

Naru: Usagi. You just did a bunch of percentage problems. In your head.

Usagi: What?...Noooo. That wasn't math! That was shopping!

Naru: Shopping is math.

Usagi: Then...how come I'm good at shopping and bad at math?

Zoi: [shrugs] Because someone once told you pretty girl are supposed to be bad at math and you believed them?

Usagi: Huh. [Looks at her homework and chews her pencil] Let's see...If I change all the numbers into desserts...this suddenly becomes VERY easy!

[Usagi works on her homework and grins]

Usagi: Only now I'm making myself hungry... Oh, Motoki! I think I'll have a parfait after all!