Ginny Weasley sat sandwiched between the twins in the back of a Ministry car on her way to her second year of Hogwarts, and she wasn't sure she ever dreaded anything more.
The summer had been one of forgetting, and she'd almost been successful.
Except as the return to Hogwarts became inevitable, so did the nightmares. Nightmares of Tom Riddle and lost hours and the cold stone of the Chamber. The dreadful sound of the pipes dripping and the Basilisk slithering through them just like Tom's voice did in the back of her mind played over and over in her head each night, seeping into even her waking hours as September first arrived.
Guiltily Ginny ached for a version of Tom back in her pocket to share her unease with - a version of Tom that wasn't evil. He'd been the perfect friend and confidant, until he wasn't.
Her mind raced through all kinds of scenarios of Tom finding her by some other means, even though Dumbledore ensured her that Tom Riddle was gone, destroyed by none other than Harry Potter.
Maybe she'd be drawn to some other artefact filled with dark magic, calling out to the same part of her twisted soul that had pulled her towards Tom Riddle's diary in the first place. Or maybe he'd wander the halls at Hogwarts as some sort of ghost that only she could see, taking control of her in the middle of the night and-
"Mum, I think you forgot to remove the silencing charm on Ginny," Fred's voice cut through her spiralling thoughts.
Mum snapped around from the front seat. "I did not put a- "
"Kidding Mum, kidding. I just think it's odd the chattiest Weasley has hardly said a word on the best day of the year." Fred nudged her shoulder gently.
"I'm nervous for the train," Ginny admitted, feeling her cheeks redden. But it wasn't just the train. She was nervous for everything. She felt her insides screaming out and focused hard on her hands wrapped together in her lap. Why did everyone act like nothing was wrong, when last time she was at Hogwarts everything was wrong?
"Don't be, you're not the one that has to drive it," George grinned at her.
Ginny decided to commit to her excuse. "I don't know who to sit with," she whined lamely, and it wasn't a lie. She spent too much time pouring herself into an untrustworthy friend last year to make many others.
"You'll be fine, Ron will let you sit with them. And if he's a prat about it - "
"Which he always is - " Fred added.
"- you can come find us. We'll be with Lee Jordan. He spent the holiday in Australia, I'll bet he has some wicked stories."
Ginny nodded vaguely, letting herself feel hopeful despite the growing knot in her stomach. When they reached the station, the twins helped her load her trunk onto a trolley and they followed the rest of the Weasley family plus Harry and Hermione through the station. She fought the pounding in her chest as they neared platform nine and three-quarters.
She numbly watched as Dad and Harry disappeared into the barrier. Her attention shifted when she felt Percy's hand give hers a squeeze.
"C'mon Gin, I'll go with you. We'll take it at a run."
Ginny made a decision. Once she made it through the barrier onto the platform, she'd put last year behind her once and for all. A fresh start, a new Ginny. She nodded to Percy, and with a deep breath, pumped her legs hard behind her to keep up with her older brother as they pushed the trolley through the barrier.
She panted as they entered onto the busy platform, the cacophony of friends cheerily reuniting and families sharing heartfelt goodbyes filling her ears. Percy's eyes immediately began to scan the crowd.
"Ah, there's Penelope!" He let go of their trolley to smooth his hair over, and Ginny's eye caught Harry's. She quickly turned away to hide her laughter as she watched her brother puff his chest out to saunter over to meet his girlfriend.
New Ginny, Cool Ginny, Brave Ginny. Definitely not Possessed By You-Know-Who Ginny. She could do this. She followed Harry and Ron as they led the way towards the end of the train.
Fred winked at her as he stowed her luggage on the rack right by Ron's, and then they all returned to the platform to say their final goodbyes.
"Remember what I said, Ginny. Never trust anything that can think for itself if-"
"If you can't see where it keeps its brain. I know, Dad." Ginny finished. She shoved the shame down deep into her belly, where New Cool Brave Ginny wouldn't feel it.
"Good girl," Dad smiled warily at her as he planted a wet kiss to her forehead. Mum gave her a squeeze so tight she thought her ribs might snap. Ginny saw worry that hadn't been there this morning now apparent on both her parents' faces. She pulled away from the embrace to return to the train before she could let their anxiety sweep over to her.
This would work out just fine. Fred's trick gave her an excuse to follow back towards Ron and Hermione, the train was about to take off, Harry had just jumped on to join them and -
She watched Harry lean in to mutter something to Ron and Hermione. Her eyes caught Ron's and her stomach twisted, knowing just what he would say next.
"Go away, Ginny," said Ron. Ginny narrowed her eyes.
"Oh, that's nice," she huffed in reply, turning quickly to hide her irritation. She was not about to beg him to let her stay with him, no matter how terrified she felt. Definitely not in front of Harry.
She stalked away in the opposite direction, fighting back a sudden stinging in her eyes. The twins would let her join them, she reminded herself, if she could find them.
Dread grew with each door she passed. Every compartment seemed full of faces she didn't know and friends laughing happily together. At this rate, she'd end up sitting with a bunch of over-eager first-years.
Get over yourself, Ginny. Next open space you'll sit in, no matter who it is.
It came to the last compartment of the carriage. A lone figure leaned against the window. Heart pounding, Ginny raised her hand to knock as she slid open the door.
A pudgy, sandy-haired boy lifted his head. A warm smile brightened across his face. "Ginny! Hi!"
Ginny felt her shoulders relax. Neville Longbottom. Cool? No. Harmless? Yes. "Hi Neville. Can I sit with you?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course." Neville sat up straighter in his seat. The sudden movement startled the toad in his lap. He clumsily dove across the bench to capture it before it could leap away. "I'm surprised you're not with Harry, Ron and Hermione. Where are they?"
Ginny bit back a grimace as she slumped into the seat across from him. New Ginny. Brave Ginny, she reminded herself. "Ron's too cool to hang out with me. You know, two time school hero and all." She kept her voice light despite the flush she felt heating her face.
If Neville noticed, he ignored this, preoccupied with trying to keep the wriggling toad from escaping his hands. "That's lame. Well I'm glad to have someone to sit with. The Patil's were in here earlier but Parvati hates Trevor so it really freaked her out when he jumped onto her head… You don't mind, do you?"
The toad croaked his disapproval. Ginny bit back a laugh. "No. I love animals," she said earnestly.
"You can hold him, if you'd like," he said, leaning forward to hold the creature out towards her. She looked up in surprise, knowing how much Neville prized Trevor.
"Yeah, sure." She watched in wonder as the toad readily jumped into her hands. Maybe Trevor didn't sense the evil that lingered inside of her. Ginny lifted him to eye level, giggling as he let out another loud croak.
"I think he likes you. He doesn't sit still often. How was your summer?"
"We went to Egypt to visit Bill, my oldest brother. He's a Curse-Breaker. So that was pretty cool I guess," she shrugged, feigning ignorance.
"You guess? I spent my whole summer with Gran. I think the most exciting thing I did was go to Diagon Alley to get my books for this year," he laughed. "Tell me everything about Egypt, I've never been."
And so she did. From the tombs to mutant skeletons to the twins trying to shove Percy into a pyramid, leaving out the bits about Mum not letting her go into the deepest ones.
Neville listened, laughing along with her and asking questions and treating her so normal. Then he offered a round of Exploding Snap, and didn't even ask for his toad back, seemingly completely unbothered by the monster sitting across from him with his favourite thing right between her bare hands.
The gnawing in her chest continued to bubble as she watched Neville fumble around in his knapsack for his cards.
"Aren't you afraid to be here with me?" Ginny blurted when she couldn't take it anymore.
The rummaging paused. "No." He frowned at her. "Should I be?"
"Well no, but I…" Was possessed by a dark wizard and petrified a ghost, a cat, and two students. She swallowed tightly.
"Had something really horrible happen to you?" Neville set his knapsack back down and looked at her with an earnesty that made Ginny's chest pull. "Last year wasn't your fault."
That was what everyone kept telling her. Yet her mind raced through the same arguments against herself that she'd repeated all summer - if she hadn't been so trusting, if she had told Dumbledore as soon as she started suspecting something was wrong, if she hadn't written in that damned diary in the first place… She found herself unable to meet Neville's kind eyes and focused instead on the toad in her hands.
"What if it was?" She said in a quiet voice. "What if the reason I was so drawn to dark magic was because at my core I'm… bad."
Neville's gaze softened at her. "You didn't do those things. Dark magic can take hold of anyone, and if it was dark magic bewitched by You-Know-Who, older and wiser wizards could have easily fallen under it. If anything, it's a testament to how good you are that you survived it."
Whether it was his trusting face, or the fact that Ginny really didn't have anything to lose by confiding in Neville Longbottom, the worries that had built up all summer came tumbling out.
"I'm behind in everything. I missed so much class, I don't have any friends, and no one's going to want to hang out with the freak who was possessed by You-Know-Who and spent the better part of last year petrifying muggleborns. I never wanted to do those things but not everyone knows that, and I'm afraid it's somehow all going to happen again. That I'll do bad things again. Everyone keeps telling me I'll be fine but… I'm so scared, Neville."
Neville stared at her. Dread settled into her stomach with each silent second that passed. Trevor hopped back over to Neville's side of the compartment with a soft croak. Now you've done it. Even Neville Longbottom knows you belong in the loony ward at St. Mungo's.
"Of course you are," he said simply. Ginny blinked back at him. "I'd be scared out of my wits if I were in your shoes. What happened to you last year was bloody terrifying. All things considered, you seem to be handling things really well."
Ginny felt the tightness in her chest loosen, like the invisible weight that had been crushing her bones had been lifted ever so slightly. Everyone had been telling her not to worry, everything would be fine, she needed to be brave and move on. But hearing someone actually acknowledge just how mad it all was made her somehow feel more sane.
"I know it's different, but I didn't have a great first year, either."
"Really?" This surprised Ginny. While Neville wasn't exactly popular, she felt like he always had friends to sit and study with.
"Not everyone does. I was rubbish in my classes, I kept losing house points and so all of Gryffindor was always mad at me, I had trouble making friends…" His cheeks had turned slightly pink. "Point is, I know everyone makes it seem like Hogwarts is the best place in the world. And it is great. But it can be hard sometimes, too."
"I never thought of it that way," she said quietly. Her brothers only ever talked about how amazing school was. It made her feel so wrong to not share their excitement at going back this year. That someone else understood the feeling, even just a bit, gave her a comfort she didn't realise she'd desperately been seeking.
"You'll have no trouble making friends. If anything, people will think you're the coolest person on campus for having survived what happened."
While Ginny doubted this, it did make her laugh. She felt a genuine smile pulling at her lips for the first time that day.
Neville's green eyes brightened, an idea coming to his face. "Hey, let me see if I can find Seamus and Dean. Snap's better with four."
Before Ginny could protest, Neville disappeared, returning not long after with Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas at his side. Her heart racing started again. She thought Dean may have been muggleborn, someone who she could have attacked last year.
But as Dean entered the compartment, he slid right next to Ginny with no hesitations. "I hear we're about to have a tourney going," he grinned at her.
They played several rounds of the game, rotating partners and swapping stories from the summer. As the time passed, Ginny felt her anxiety ease. Whether Neville had said something to the two boys or not Ginny didn't know, but they too treated her perfectly normal.
She learned about Seamus's family in Ireland and Dean's obsession with a muggle sport called football, which sounded ridiculous to her, but she enjoyed hearing about all the same.
Their laughter came to a pause when the train started moving slower and slower.
"We can't be there yet, can we?" asked Seamus, standing up from his seat to look out the window. The train screeched to a sudden stop, their cards falling all over the compartment. They all scrambled to try and collect them, but a moment later, all of the lights went out. Ginny let out an involuntary shout of surprise.
"I'm going to go see if I can figure out what's going on," Neville said, climbing over the group and exiting the compartment. She felt a deep fear creeping back into her bones that she tried to ignore.
It's nothing. The lights will come back on any second.
Ginny felt increasingly awkward sitting in the dark silence with Seamus and Dean. She focused hard on her breathing as a way of reminding herself she was still here, she wasn't the cause of whatever was happening. But it did little to quell the pounding in her chest.
When she couldn't take it anymore, she stood abruptly. "I'm uh… going to go find Ron."
She headed back down the corridor, trying to remember which compartment her brother had slid into. Ginny turned left where she thought she remembered seeing the trio disappear to, slamming into a body instead and letting out a shout of pain.
"Who's that?" Came a girl's voice.
"Who's that?" Ginny asked back.
"Ginny?" She let out a sigh of relief.
"Hermione?"
"What are you doing?"
"I was looking for Ron —"
"Come in and sit down —" Ginny felt Hermione roughly pulling her into the compartment. In the darkness she started to sit -
"Not here!" she heard Harry's hurried voice. "I'm here!"
Ginny jumped up at the sound, tripping onto a set of feet and landing hard into someone else's lap.
"Ouch!" shouted Neville.
"Quiet!" said a hoarse voice suddenly. This voice was much deeper than the others in the compartment. Ginny felt a movement stir next to her. None of them spoke.
There was crackling noise next to her. A soft light filled the compartment, illuminating the person beside her. An older man, she realised, held a handful of flames that shone on a very tired looking face.
"Stay where you are," said the man, and he moved slowly to his feet with his wand extended.
"Sorry," Ginny whispered to Neville, sliding off of him and into the now empty corner where the man sat before. She was grateful for the lack of light - she could feel how warm her cheeks were with embarrassment.
Her attention shifted to the compartment door, seemingly sliding open on its own. Ginny bit back a whimper at the sight of a large, cloaked figure, moving into the space, illuminated only by the softly crackling flames in the man's hand.
A sudden, overwhelming sensation of coldness filled her, as though it were building up from within her stomach and spreading through her entire body. It was the same chill that had taken control of her as she lay on the stone of the Chamber, Tom Riddle rising from the diary…
No, no, no, no, no…
Ginny vaguely registered Harry sliding down from his seat, his body twitching horribly. She had to help him -
"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go." The man's voice cut through her thoughts. But the creature didn't leave, and she felt a deep emptiness sucking her further downward, back into the Chamber, where the pipes dripped and the Basilisk slid over the wet floor, Tom Riddle's voice a whisper in the back of her mind…
Something bright shot out of the man's wand, and then the creature turned away. Ginny shut her eyes tight as warmth crept slowly back into her body. Her arms wrapped tight around her stomach, trying to still the violent shaking that had taken her over.
Not real, not real, not real.
She wasn't sure how long she sat like that until she noticed the lights back on, the train moving once more. Her eyes opened to see Harry on the ground, Ron slapping his face to wake him. The compartment suddenly felt very bright.
"What happened? Where's that — that thing? Who screamed?" Harry stammered.
Ginny looked over to him. Had there been screaming? She thought she might be sick.
"No one screamed," answered Ron nervously. Ginny wasn't sure if this answer made her feel better or worse.
"But I heard screaming —"
A loud snap made her jump. The man was breaking pieces off an enormous slab of chocolate. "Here," he said, handing a piece to Harry. "Eat it. It'll help."
Harry asked the question on everyone's mind. "What was that thing?"
"A dementor," said the man. Ginny's blood ran cold. She'd heard of dementors from Dad. He said they were awful creatures. She understood why now. "One of the dementors of Azkaban."
The man was now handing out the remaining pieces of chocolate to each of them. Ginny watched her hand take one, unsure what to do with it. Who was this person?
"Eat," he repeated. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me …" He strolled past Harry and disappeared into the corridor.
"Are you sure you're okay, Harry?" said Hermione, watching Harry anxiously.
"I don't get it. … What happened?" said Harry, wiping sweat off his face. He looked terribly pale. Ginny felt some solace that she wasn't the only one who felt awful from the presence of the dementor.
Ginny found herself struggling to listen as Hermione and Ron recapped the events. Professor Lupin, they called the man. She looked back down at the chocolate in her hand, still sceptical of it.
Her mind still reeled from what had just happened. She wasn't in the chamber. It was just the dementor, tricking her mind. She felt tears welling that she desperately tried to push down.
"It was horrible," said Neville next to her, in a higher voice than usual. "Did you feel how cold it got when it came in?" Ginny nodded numbly.
"I felt weird," said Ron with a shudder. "Like I'd never be cheerful again. …"
Ginny bit hard onto her knuckle, trying to keep herself still. It had felt so real. She was supposed to be moving on from this, not being reminded of it all so soon. Despite her efforts, a stifled sob rippled through her. She felt Hermione's arm wrap tightly around her.
"You should have the chocolate," the older girl said soothingly. "It really does help." If Hermione trusted this Professor Lupin, Ginny supposed she could too. To her surprise, a warmth flowed back through her as she took a bite, calming her trembling body.
They remained nearly silent for the remainder of the ride. Ginny felt grateful to leave the suffocating compartment when the train stopped at Hogsmeade. Neville stayed by her side as everyone scrambled to get outside.
A gust of cold air bit at Ginny's skin. Freezing rain fell quickly, doing little to boost her spirits. She scanned around for Ron, Harry, and Hermione, but had already been separated from them once more in the rush of students pushing along towards the carriages.
"Hey, you okay?" Neville asked her quietly. "That was really awful."
"I'm fine," she muttered, hoping he wouldn't hear the tremor in her voice. This was most certainly not New Cool Brave Ginny.
"This way," he nodded towards a muddy path that led towards hundreds of stagecoaches, away from where Hagrid was calling for the first years. "We can sit together." She felt an internal rush of gratitude. Without Ron, she was glad to have Neville with her.
Eager to get out of the freezing rain, they climbed into the first one carriage they could
"Longbottom, Weasley, what a surprise," came an all too familiar drawl. Ginny bit back a groan. Draco Malfoy, on the other hand, looked positively delighted, pale grey eyes glinting mischievously.
He sat between Crabbe and Goyle, who snickered. Ginny's eyes flashed towards the door, but the carriage began moving on its own. She couldn't think of anyone she'd be less pleased to run into in this state. Neville seemed to share the sentiment, his face gone as pale as it had been on the train. They took their place across from the three Slytherins.
"New boyfriend, Weasley? Potter no longer interested after you tried to kill all the mudbloods in school?" A flash of anger rushed through her. Malfoy carelessly leaned back in his seat, legs spread wide enough to take up just as much space as Crabbe and Goyle despite being half their size. "Or was it the whole 'working with the Dark Lord' part of it that put him off?"
Crabbe and Goyle laughed loudly, and Ginny felt her face heat furiously.
"You're just upset the great Heir of Slytherin ended up being a Gryffindor girl. Seems Salazar Slytherin wasn't as picky as everyone thought," she spat. The words tasted vile on her tongue, but she didn't care.
Her anger subsided to a sudden dread taking grip of her. Looking out the window Ginny realised why: two dementors stood flanking the iron gates marking the path up towards the castle. She shut her eyes tight, leaning against the window as the same darkness from before threatened to overcome her. Chills sprouted across her whole body.
"Hear that, Longbottom? So proud of the work she did for the Dark Lord last year, you're sure it's safe to share a carriage with her?" Malfoy's sneering sounded very far away from her.
Ginny wanted to retort, but could focus on little but trying to breathe evenly to keep the wave of nausea rolling through her at bay. She wished she had another piece of chocolate from Professor Lupin.
"I think you're confusing her with someone else, Malfoy," Neville responded for her, his tone cooler than she'd ever heard. "Ginny didn't choose to be a follower of You-Know-Who, you must be mixing her up with your father."
"Careful with your accusations, Longbottom," Malfoy growled. Ginny wrapped her arms tight around her waist in a vain attempt to thwart the trembling that threatened to overtake her body again. Not here, not now.
"What's up with her now?" Came the low gruff of either Crabbe or Goyle, not familiar enough with the two cronies to tell one apart from the other.
"Dementor on the train," Neville said gravely. "It came into our compartment."
Ginny didn't have to open her eyes to feel the sudden unease in the carriage. "It went into your compartment? Whatever for?" Malfoy's voice sounded higher pitched than before.
"Looking for Sirius Black, I think. It was really terrible. It got so close to Harry that he fainted."
Ginny's eyes popped open in warning. She had a feeling Harry absolutely did not want Malfoy knowing this piece of information. Neville caught her gaze, cheeks turning pink at his mistake. It was too late. Malfoy and his gaggle burst into laughter.
"The great Harry Potter, fainting at a dementor! Oh Longbottom, you've made my year before it's even started!"
Neville's flush transcended to an angry red. "You would have too, if one ever got that close to you. It would have mistaken you for someone who belongs in Azkaban."
For once, Malfoy seemed to have nothing to say, crossing his arms indignantly over his chest. He muttered a nasty word to Crabbe and Goyle, who glowered back at the two Gryffindors.
They sat in a silent standstill for the remainder of the ride. Ginny had never felt more relieved than when bumps of the carriage rolled to a stop.
Malfoy eyed her warily as her legs wobbled when Ginny stood. She mustered the energy to shoot him a glare, which he shrugged off with a roll of his shoulders and an irritating smirk. He was apparently no longer spooked by the mention of dementors and ready to start his year of terrorising the campus.
Ginny didn't resist when Neville reached his hand to help her down from the carriage. Put the train ride behind. You can try again at New Ginny when you step out the door. Past the dementors once more her head felt clearer. She took a deep breath as her feet hit the gravel.
"Don't let what Malfoy said get to you," Neville said seriously as they began walking up the path towards the castle. "You know he's a git. If you'd have seen his face, you would have known he was just as freaked out about the dementors as we were."
Ginny gave a small nod, trying to push behind the nerves building in her stomach. "Thanks for standing up to him. I don't think I've ever heard someone get him to shut up before."
"Any excuse to tell him off," he shrugged, but the smile on his face was earnest. Ginny tried to return it, unable to get the expression to reach her eyes. Malfoy may have been trying to get a rise from her, but his words were an unhelpful reminder that not everyone would so easily forget the end of last year.
This didn't get past Neville who stopped in his tracks, letting students push around them to enter the Great Hall. "I meant what I said earlier," he said, his voice softer. "Don't worry about everyone else, alright? A million things happen at Hogwarts every day, by the end of the feast I'll bet no one even remembers last year."
Ginny nodded.
"I'm serious. Seamus and Dean already think you're great." He spoke with such conviction Ginny decided to let herself believe him. The reassurance warmed her. "Others will too."
"And…" Neville looked down at his feet before meeting her eyes once more. "I know I'm not exactly cool or anything, but if it means anything to you, I think you're pretty awesome."
Her face brightened, tension sliding away to make room for New Cool Brave Ginny. She wasn't sure how to convey her gratitude for the words and comfort he brought her today. Ginny had seen a side of Neville Longbottom it seemed others had little chance to experience. Someone who was thoughtful and kind, selfless and brave.
"If it means anything to you, I think you're pretty awesome too, Neville."
His smile told her it did.