Chapter Eighteen
Who Said I Was Leaving?
Carolyn was standing in the quiet of the living room, using the poker to stir the fire into life. The children were in bed and Martha had gone out to the movies with Ed Peevey.
The Captain materialised in the window embrace to watch her thoughtfully. He leaned against the pillar beside him. He might be dead, but he could still keenly appreciate the elegantly slender lines of Carolyn's back and legs. He had rarely seen anything more beautiful or desirable. Not even on a ship…
He sighed. 'If only I were still alive…'
He compressed his lips and then said, "Well, Madam. You haven't told me who is the lucky man?"
As if he didn't already know the name of the unwanted interloper. He linked his fingers before him, but his attention was still on her back view and her soft beauty. He couldn't look away and didn't wish to do so.
Unaware of his sensual absorption, Carolyn was still looking into the fire. "Oh, I think his name is Mark Helmore." She straightened to put the poker back on its rack.
"You think?" The Captain straightened with exasperated astonishment. "You don't know?"
He felt swamped in a rising sea of jealousy. 'Who is this new man? Are there now two of them vying for her favours? Where did they meet her and how?'
Carolyn laughed softly. "What's in a name? I've really been too busy. I afraid I haven't been paying that much attention. But I guess I'll soon need to do so if this affair goes on much longer."
"Affair?" The Captain advanced to lean on the end of the couch. "But you do find him attractive, I presume?"
"Oh, I suppose so…" Carolyn replied, walking away from him. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
"Yes, indeed…" the Captain replied grimly, stroking his chin. "Quite. Tell me…"
He followed her across the room. "Is he, as they say, well-situated?"
Carolyn turned to him, totally mystified. "Well, I haven't checked his Dun and Bradstreet, if that's what you're asking. Why should I? It doesn't matter to me."
The Captain scowled. "Well, I think it's very important to know if he can support you. I would have thought such a question would be vital to any future together."
"Oh, I don't intend to ask for support." Carolyn laughed, turning on a nearby lamp. "Why would I?"
"Well, I hope you don't intend to support him," the Captain declared sternly, looking completely baffled by the unexpected turn of events. "This may be the twentieth century, but I'm sure some things are still the same. A man must be able to take care of those he seeks to woo. Else, he is nothing more than a confounded mountebank and a bare-faced swindler. I will countenance neither such in my house."
"Well, I hardly think his family expects that from us." Carolyn laughed, walking toward the chair set beside the fireplace. "They're not from around here."
She picked up the copy of the manuscript she'd brought downstairs to read. "But right now, we have more important matters to discuss."
She held the pages out to him. "I want to go over your alterations. Martha has added her own, as well. She's very keen to read the rest of it as soon as we have it all down on paper."
She hesitated then raised her brows. "And you did promise me another dream…"
The Captain regarded her with total confusion. "I can't tell if you're being serious or not. The manuscript can wait. This is a discussion you should be having with the one who matters."
"Why should I be so serious?" Carolyn demanded. "But anything concerning my children, I take very seriously indeed. And, right now, their future depends on this work."
She waved the manuscript. "Therefore, can we please get on with it, Captain? We're already too far behind."
"You seem determined to be frivolous." He ignored her pleas. "In that case, Madam," he replied stiffly. "All that remains is for me to tender my sincerest wishes for your happiness and wish you good night."
He vanished immediately, leaving Carolyn to stare after him with bemusement. "Now, what's gotten into him?" she demanded to know as she settled down and opened the pages of the manuscript. "All I asked for was another dream."
She shook her head. "Men!"
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Confining himself to the wheelhouse, the Captain slowly opened the same old sea chest that had contained the silk gown he'd used to try and frighten away Madame Tibaldi.
"All to no avail…" He sighed.
The medium and her unwelcome séance seemed to have upset the delicate balance of the house. Her stories about the visions she'd seen had made him yearn for more and want more than had seemed possible before. He knew if he could sleep, he would not. He would toss and turn until the dawn and still have no answers to what plagued him so.
The long road ahead still seemed arduous and winding. And now it appeared that affairs of the heart were swiftly overtaking him. Brady O'Flynn and this new man, Helmore, were both flesh and blood. They were well ahead of him by that singular advantage, alone.
They could give Carolyn everything and more. They could also take her away from the house and all it contained.
"Blast…" He glared down at the contents of the chest as he felt his dusty heart contract with an unfathomable longing.
The chest was filled with other items, large and small, all carefully wrapped in old brocades or silk shawls. They were securely tied up with strong cords.
On the top of the collection was a large parcel wrapped in a dark blue and steel grey brocade, tied with a yellow sash cord that had once held back curtaining. The captain carefully picked the item up, bringing it onto his knees as he sat beside the trunk. He held it, gazing down at it pensively.
Jonathan appeared in the half-open doorway, looking downcast. "Permission to come abroad, Sir." He was ready for bed in dressing gown and slippers.
"Permission granted," the Captain replied slowly, looking up from the parcel in his hands.
The boy entered the room. "You didn't come into my room to say goodnight to me. Where were you?"
"I'm sorry, lad." The Captain sighed roughly. "But it seems things are changing around here. And not for the better. You may soon have no further need of me."
"It's not fair! Everybody knows secrets, but me," Jonathan declared. "I'm beginning I feel like I'm not even here!"
"So am I," his ghostly friend replied with a morose look. "I'll miss you greatly, lad. You were the first one, in over one hundred years, not to be afraid of me."
"Oh, are you going away somewhere too?" Jonathan asked sadly. "How come?"
"No, I will remain here, in this house. I have nowhere else to go. But I think you may be shipping out," the Captain replied as he looked over the parcel in his hands. "I fear it will become inevitable. Though the direction of your going seems to be divided between two compass points right now."
"Blast!" Jonathan declared with feeling. "I don't want to be shipped anywhere. I love it here. I love being with you."
"My sentiments exactly, lad," the Captain replied, nodding sagely. "But we are both caught up in the careless winds of change and they have always been fickle and unpredictable. Just like the women in our lives."
"Yeah…" Jonathan stared at his ghostly friend with deep concern as he wiped one hand across his eyes. "Double blast…"
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Carolyn gave up her lonesome vigil downstairs and entered her bedroom. She wanted to talk to the Captain. She needed to find out what was bugging him so badly that he couldn't work with her. She needed him.
She stopped at the sight of a handsome, cut crystal punch bowl and elegant silver spoon that stood proudly in the middle of her desk. She put aside the manuscript she was carrying and frowned down at the unexpected gift.
She handled it carefully, looking at it from all angles. "Oh, how lovely. But where did this come from?" It looked oddly familiar, but she couldn't put her finger on why it did.
The Captain appeared in front of the fireplace, watching her critically. "The crystal is Waterford. The silver, early Georgian. Both are valuable and have been greatly valued by me. I thought they were most suitable."
Carolyn looked up at his serious tone. She frowned in confusion. "Suitable? For what?"
He shook his head. "I decided they would be a fitting memento to help you on your journey over new seas and to far horizons," he concluded.
"Journey?" Carolyn stared at him. "What journey? And what seas?"
He sighed impatiently. "Why, the seas of matrimony, of course."
"Oh, you're putting me on!" Carolyn declared with a small laugh. "What is all this, truly?"
She frowned. "Does this have something to do with Captain Webster? Have you done something and you don't want to tell me?"
"My dear, you have always brought warmth and grace to this ship," the Captain assured her stiffly. "I shall remember you during the long, lonely reaches of the night. Mayhap, one day in the far distant future, I might even begin to forget you…" His frowning expression was deeply serious.
"Well, I'm very touched by such a sweeping and generous sentiment," Carolyn replied. "But I wasn't planning on going anywhere. What's gotten into you, tonight? You've done nothing but mope around all day and snipe at me."
She turned to him. "I can do without that, you know. If there's something thorny on your mind, Captain, I would appreciate it if you would spit it out so we may deal with whatever it is. I hate it when you go all squirrelly on me."
"Squirrelly?" The Captain regarded her with confusion and more than a little anger. "Forgive me, Madam. But you're not planning on going anywhere?" He looked scandalised.
Carolyn struggled to make sense of it all. "What is all this? Why are you suddenly so anxious to get rid of me? What have I done?"
"Well, of all the utterly preposterous…" The Captain stalked across the room. "Typically female thing to say!"
Carolyn turned to him. "Out of a clear blue sky you give me a silver spoon and a crystal punch bowl and then tell me goodbye! I mean, if you're trying to break the lease then just tell me!"
The Captain came closer to her. "Well, you don't expect to marry and settle down here, do you? I think he might have something to say about that!"
"Marry and settle — Certainly not!" Carolyn glared at him.
"Which!" the Captain demanded grimly, waving an imperious finger at her.
"Neither!" Carolyn snapped back. "How could I? Why should I?"
"You mean, you don't intend to even get married?" The Captain waved his finger around in front of her in agitation, his gaze aflame with indignation.
"Well, who would I marry?" Carolyn demanded to know. "Claymore?"
"But you said…" The Captain looked confused. "At least, I thought you said…" He floundered in confusion. "That your problem was… love…"
He sighed heavily. "I heard you on the telephone last night. I admit I listened in while that blasted pirate, O'Flynn, schmoozed you with his oh-so-innocent party invitation. As if he didn't have other things in his mind that he wanted to propose to you."
He threw up one hand. "Then, today, there is this new man, this confounded Mark Helmore. Just how many men are you planning on entertaining while you remain under my roof?"
He turned back to her. "I can only wonder that you do not also invite that blasted Sean Callahan back here simply to prove your point!"
"I…" Carolyn stared up at him, her mind in bewildered turmoil.
She felt lost for words and totally confused by the torrent of confusion and outrage he'd displayed. At that moment, he was just like any human man faced with events that appeared to have gotten beyond his control.
She swallowed tightly as enlightenment dawned. 'If I didn't know better…'
"Ah, I see…" She shook her head and pointed to herself. "You thought I was in —" She began to laugh, seeing the utterly silly side of it all. "Oh, for Pete's sake! That's so totally ridiculous. And impossible and completely untrue."
"Impossible, ridiculous and untrue…" the Captain echoed. "Which part?"
"Why, all of it," Carolyn stressed. "Where on earth did you come up with such a foolish notion that I was falling in love with another man? With anyone else!"
She put out one hand to lay it gently on the arm of his jacket. "No man I have ever met - or ever will meet - could compare to you. Surely you know that by now?"
She sighed as she moved her hand down to touch her fingers to his. "You must know that and accept it as the truth. To believe anything else is totally ridiculous and deeply hurtful. I would never betray your love. Never."
"Yes, it is…" The Captain inhaled deeply. "Ridiculous. Totally ridiculous…" He stared down at the electric connection between them.
"I'm not the least bit interested in Brady O'Flynn. Though I think he wishes I was. But he means nothing to me."
She sighed. "And when it comes to Mark Helmore, I was talking about Candy," she continued softly. "That is what is so ridiculous about it. She's in love with him, not me. He's only a new boy at her school."
"Well, I'm glad it was only Candy," the Captain replied, slowly curling his fingers around hers. "I was going out of my mind."
Carolyn gave his hand a small tug. "Just because I'm a mother doesn't mean a man can't be interested in me. Brady O'Flynn does have eyes and I was a little flattered by his attention. But that was all. Candy wants to go to his daughter's party and I'll take her there. We'll have a lovely afternoon, then we will leave."
The Captain concentrated on the tenuous connection between them. "Oh, my dear. You're so delightfully and wonderfully human if you think O'Flynn will be happy with such pathetic crumbs." He placed his free hand over hers.
"He'll have to be." Carolyn turned her hand within his. "Candy is human too. And she's the one who's fallen in love and is mooning around. She seems to be barely in this world at all."
Emboldened by their shared connection, the Captain removed his hand from hers and stroked his fingers up her arm until he reached her shoulder. He drew her closer, looking down into her eyes.
"I was fully prepared to give you up for love," he said softly. "If your heart was truly in it."
"No, you weren't," she replied gently. "You would have thrown everything in my path to prevent me from leaving this house. Storms, floods, power failures, flat tyres. You would have moved heaven and earth to stop me."
"Yes, I would…" he agreed softly with a rueful smile as he lowered his head to kiss her lips with slow and sensuous intent.
The silence in the room lengthened and deepened as they stood close together. Carolyn raised one hand to cup his bearded cheek. It was she who finally broke the tenuous connection, simply from the need to breathe.
She pressed her forehead to his. "But I could never leave you…" she said. "It would be impossible…"
"I'm sorry…" he said then, feeling himself beginning to fade. "But when I saw O'Flynn look at you in the same way Callahan did… I couldn't bear it. They are both men of flesh and blood, while I…" He sighed deeply and shook his head.
"I know…" Carolyn took a small step backwards. "But men like Brady and Sean will continue to look at me in the same way many women would have looked at you when you were alive. It doesn't mean that I want to be looking back. You'll have to accept my word for that. I stay with you because I want to."
"Forgive me for being such a blind, crass fool?" he asked, watching her walk away toward the bedroom mirror.
"Always…" Carolyn replied as she picked up her hairbrush. "But truly, there is nothing to forgive. And remember, it's Candy who's caught up in this tangled throes of her first love. She will need us both when the inevitable crash comes."
The Captain looked after her with longing. "What can a ten-year-old possibly know about real love? How it must be between a man and the woman he adores?"
"I think enough to be deeply hurt," Carolyn replied to his mirrored image as she tidied her hair for something mundane to do. "She's so vulnerable and I just hope he likes her. She is putting everything she has into him. I hope he notices."
The look in his blue eyes reflected his inner thoughts and she found herself becoming lost in them. She wanted to look away but couldn't. The intimate memory of their kiss was still on her lips.
"Of course, he will," the Captain replied softly. "Madam, any daughter of yours couldn't miss…" Their gazes tangled in the mirror and, for a long time, neither could look away.
Carolyn finally lowered her hairbrush and turned to him. "I brought the manuscript up with me. If you're now in the right mood to look at it. You weren't before…"
When he didn't immediately reply, she walked away to the closet and gathered her nightwear from the closet. "I was just thinking while we have the time…"
"Ah, thinking…" The Captain watched her. "In a man, that is a logical exercise with an inevitable and right conclusion. But for a woman to do the same…" He raised one denying shoulder.
"Oh, please do stop being so… so, nineteenth-century!" Carolyn complained.
"My apologies, Madam…" The ghost bowed his head as he stared at her. "I did not mean to strike a tender nerve and overset you. I was merely making an observation. It seems we are at constant odds, tonight."
He glanced at the bedside clock. "It wants but a few minutes to nine. I know we are nearing the final part of the tale and you did say that Miss Lacey is waiting impatiently for the last of the chapters and the inevitable romantic conclusion."
Carolyn nodded quickly. "Yes, I did say that, and she is." She sighed. "We do not have much to do now to complete the final draft of the work. Then we will be done with it." Disappointment coloured her tone.
The Captain shook his head. "If it is your wish, we may continue with our literary works and flesh out the final chapters to Miss Lacey's satisfaction. Then we will await her positive response."
Carolyn stared at him. "I didn't mean what I said. You've been nothing but kind and helpful. I'm sorry…"
Her shoulders slumped as her fingers tightened on her nightwear. "It's just that all this upset with Martha almost leaving us forever and then you getting the wrong idea about everything…"
She glanced back at the beautiful crystal bowl. Now she knew where she'd seen it before. It had been the punch bowl in her dream when they had danced together on the front lawn.
"How odd…" She bit her bottom lip.
She moved closer to him. "If you hadn't intervened in time, then we would have lost Martha. It doesn't bear thinking about. I know now how tenuous all life can truly be. That we must strive to make the best of every moment in time."
"Ah, there are no perfect lives, my dear…" The Captain shook his head regretfully. "There are only perfect moments. So, we must treasure them when they happen for us and feel blessed."
"Blessed…" Carolyn nodded jerkily. "Yes, I…"
She put aside her nightwear on the bed and walked slowly back toward him. He watched her closely but he made no move to step backwards and away from her.
"Madam…" he said softly in a warning tone. "What are you about now?"
"You were invisible when kissed my cheek the other night," she replied. "And before that, I know now that you kissed my lips while I was asleep. I'm sure that's taking an unfair advantage of the situation."
He stared at her, his blue eyes darkening with need and a fathomless look of wanting. "It was the one, true advantage I possessed…"
"And then you kissed me tonight and it was wonderful. I never wanted it to end. I wanted more. But, Daniel… at times, I feel afraid…" Carolyn said softly as her fingers settled once again on the sleeve of his naval jacket.
"Of what? Afraid of me? Oh, my dear, please don't be," he whispered as he looked down at the tenuous connection. "It doesn't matter what I am. And you already know who I am."
Carolyn's lips trembled. "You're Daniel…" she replied softly. "I never want to lose you. I know I couldn't bear it…"
"Such an event would also destroy me, my dear lady…" He moved closer. "You are the only woman I have ever truly wanted." He sighed. "Or needed…"
He lifted his free hand and extended his forefinger. In a slow and careful motion that tore at her heart, he traced the line of her cheek from her temple to the point of her chin.
"You beguile me with your beauty and your grace…" He used that same gossamer touch to tip her face up to his.
"You are everything to me…" Carolyn stroked her hand along his sleeve and then drifted onto the tanned skin of his hand.
Again, that sensation of his ghostly flesh being more corporeal than incorporeal accelerated her breathing. She pushed her fingers between his and curled them around, seeking a warmth she still could not find.
Emboldened by the intimacy of her gesture, Daniel lifted her hand and kissed the backs of her fingers as he'd once done in her wonderful dream. The air in the room suddenly became heated and close.
Carolyn drew a ragged breath. "Dance with me," she begged. "Like we did before…"
"I…" Daniel looked up at her, her fingers still held within his clasp.
"Please…" she begged. "Just for a moment or two. You waltz so beautifully and I just want to know we can…"
"Ah, my dear…" Daniel sighed, unable to resist the entreaty of her green eyes.
He advanced his free hand to her waist and settled it there as he tightened his clasp on her fingers. From nowhere, came the soft strands of the same waltz that had played that night when they'd danced together on the front lawn of the house.
Carolyn looked up into his eyes, so intense and blue. "'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight…'" she quoted the Elizabeth Barrett Browning sonnet softly. "I've always loved those lines…"
"Mmmm…" Daniel nodded, not taking his eyes from hers as they danced slowly in a circle. "'I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life…'"
He shook his head. "Such true and honest words…"
"Yes…" Carolyn's breathing hitched as she felt the seeming solidness of him beneath her fingers begin to dissolve.
"I must go now," Daniel told her with deep regret. "We have already had more this evening than I thought was even possible. I can stay no longer..."
"I know…" Carolyn drew his upraised hand to her lips and kissed him quickly. "I wish you could stay."
"Me, too…" He smiled down at her as he began to dissolve further. "But some things are still as immutable as the stars…"
"Goodnight, Daniel…" Carolyn said then, as she stepped slowly backwards, and the music faded away.
"Goodnight, Carolyn…" He smiled at her and sighed. "Sweet dreams…"
"Yes, please. One final dream. For our research, of course…" Carolyn nodded jerkily as he vanished completely, leaving her feeling cold and bereft.
She prayed that he'd heard her. That he would consent to give her a continuation of their shared dream. That he would allow them to be together in that world as they could not be in this one.
"Yes, please, Captain. I wish to go back once more…" she repeated her plea before she turned away to gather her nightwear and retire to the bathroom to change.
※※※※※
Daniel materialised in the bedroom some hours later. He'd taken his time to restore his energies from the unexpected closeness of the evening and all it implied. To have her in his arms and to have been able to kiss her in that way had been beyond magical.
He cursed his streak of raw jealousy. Carolyn was right, of course. He would have moved heaven and earth to keep her with him. But only if she wished to stay.
He'd told her that on the very first night they met. "M'dear, when you really want to go, I won't be able to stop you…" he repeated softly.
The shadowed bedroom was in silence. Wan bands of pale moonlight lay across the carpet and the bed. He moved forward and stopped to look down at Carolyn. As was her nightly habit, she was asleep on her side with her cheek resting on one hand tucked beneath her face.
"Ah, my dear…" He sighed, knowing he had raised Carolyn's expectations of him by dancing with her.
It had taken all his strength to hold her and dance with her as they had that night of the cotillion out on the front lawn. Though he had no memory of her fever dream, Carolyn had told him all about it and how lovely it was. He knew she yearned to go back there, and for a few precious moments out of time, they did.
"Your spirited beauty is cherished and adored to the very depths of my soul…" He sank onto the end of the bed and leaned back against the footboard.
He'd heard her soft plea for a sweet dream as he had faded out. He was deeply aware of what Carolyn had asked of him. It was beyond time to go back. Back to the Mary Anne and the continuation of their dream adventures aboard that stout little ship and finally continue what they had so innocently started.
Carolyn wanted to dream once more, and he could no longer deny her that right. One final dream, for the sake of research, she'd said.
She was right, of course. They still had a manuscript to complete. But once that event had been accomplished, it would also leave her without any further need to dream. For all the closeness such dreams allowed. Truly, a two-edged sword that cut deeply.
"Carolyn…" He sighed her name. And, in those dreams, he would be able to touch her, kiss her, and hold her for as long, and as often, as he wished.
He shook his head slowly as he raised one hand and began to move it through the air once more, like a conductor controlling an invisible orchestra. His lips curved in an ironic smile. "That is if she will ever allow me to get close enough to try…"
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