"What do you do all day, at work?"
Hiccup peered at Astrid, who was regarding him thoughtfully.
They were sitting on a couch in his living room. Or rather, he was sitting. She had draped herself over him. Both legs were resting on his lower thighs and her arms wrapped around his torso, with her chest nestled against his.
"A few things, though paperwork takes up most of my time, especially with the leg. Why?"
She smirked, and her voice dropped to just above a whisper. "Was just wondering how often you think about me."
"I'm thinking about you right now. Particularly with this elaborate pose you're in right now. Does that count?"
"Yes, I think so. But that's a cop-out answer."
"Oh, I definitely think of you when I'm at work. Mostly about how beautiful you look when you're sleeping."
He kissed her on the cheek, and her smirk became a real smile.
"Good answer, babe. Now I have another question but it can wait. What do you want for takeout? I'm thinking pizza."
"Sounds good to me."
They ordered, and after the pizza arrived, Hiccup looked over at Astrid, mid pizza slice.
"What was your other question? You said you had one?"
Astrid blinked and swallowed. "Oh right, yeah. What kind of dress do you want me to wear for our wedding? And when?"
"Valentine's day. That gives us five months."
Astrid blinked again before a smile adorned her features. "Valentine's day?"
Hiccup shrugged. "What can I say? I'm the romantic sort. Which reminds me that I have a question too, but it can wait. About the dress, I think that's more your area of expertise. I don't know anything about dresses. I'd only know what looks good."
Astrid nodded, part of the way through another pizza slice and swallowed again, wiping the corners of her mouth clean of tomato sauce with the back of her hand. "Valentine's day could work. And that's what I'm asking. What dress do you think would look good?"
"Oh! Okay. Uh, do you have some pictures to compare? We can get it done after we finish our pizzas."
Astrid nodded, raising the rest of her pizza slice as if it were a glass and she was making a toast, to which Hiccup laughed and did the same. "Cheers to that."
"Cheers, milady."
…
Hiccup opened the door to his office, then stopped, still in the doorway as he caught sight of the person sitting behind his desk.
His cousin had his feet up on his desk, a broad grin filled with both amusement and malice as he locked eyes with Hiccup.
"Hey there desk jockey!" Snotlout mocked, spreading his arms out. "Long time no see!"
Hiccup said nothing, simply staring, before turning around with a sigh, shutting and locking the door and leaving in search of Thuggory.
On the way, he bumped into the soldier in training he was betting on. "Sorry sir!"
"No harm done. Have you seen any MPs anywhere?"
"Uh, I'm still getting used to all the terms, sir. What does MP mean again?"
"MP means Military Police. Same as regular police except for jurisdiction and uniform. They wear red berets. Seen any?"
The younger man's eyes lit up. "Oh! I saw a guy a few minutes ago. He looked like he was in a hurry somewhere."
"Did he have unruly black hair and look ready to punch anyone in his way?"
"Uh, yeah. You know him?"
"Yes. His name's Thuggory, for future reference. Thanks for your help. Oh, and good luck with bootcamp. I have a feeling you'll survive, even if you don't feel the same way. Gotta go."
"Thanks sir!" Hiccup heard as he hurried onwards.
He found Thuggory in his office, sitting at his desk, the layout of the room mirroring that of his own.
"What time today did Snotlout get here?"
"Thirty minutes before closing time yesterday. You had already left."
"Do you have something to do with him being in his office? I heard you were seen running; almost like you wanted to make yourself scarce."
"What would you do if I said yes?"
"I'd ask you to get him out of there and warn you that if I'm forced to interact with him again directly, I will have you court martialed for interfering with an officer. We'll never be friends. Get that through your dense head."
"If you can get on friendly terms with Astrid, you can do the same with Snotlout."
"Alright, I'm getting you court martialed on that alone. You actually compared the two."
He stepped out of the doorway and shut the door, then turned away, managing about ten steps before Thuggory wrenched the door open again and caught up with him.
"Alright! Alright. I'll take care of Snotlout and not bother you again. Where is he?"
Hiccup tossed him a key. "Locked in my office. That should make it clear how little I want to be near him. If you need me, I'll be at Astrid's office."
…
Hearing knocking, Astrid opened her office door, only to smile at her visitor.
"Hey~"
"Good morning milady. Any patients today?"
"One besides you… if he shows up. He's due in five minutes."
Hiccup peered past her, seeing gauze and plasters littering the room. "What happened?"
Astrid sighed. "You already know and that's why I have a feeling he won't show," she rolled her eyes, then continued. "He wasn't happy to get directed. He said, and I quote: 'I didn't survive Iraq and Afghanistan to get talked down to by some little girl'."
"Hmm. Well, if he shows up, I'll have a word. Want any help getting this place tidied up in the meantime?"
Astrid nodded happily. "Yes please; to both things."
"Alright."
Less than two minutes later, they were done, and just as Hiccup picked up the last roll of gauze, the PA system beeped to life.
"This is Captain Thuggory. To any military police nearby, come to Haddock's office, ASAP."
Hiccup groaned to the ceiling. "Fucking Hell, Snotlout. What did you do?!"
"Snotlout? He's in your office?"
"Yeah, more's the pity. I might just need to find a new office, because I think my current one has been defiled by his presence."
Astrid laughed. "Well, maybe you could move in with me? If only there was room…"
She seemed surprisingly glum about the notion.
"Didn't know you missed me that much," Hiccup teased.
Astrid did not laugh, or even smile. Instead, she fiddled with her hands.
"Hiccup…" She sighed and looked him in the eye. "I'm being transferred. To Faslane naval base. We won't be together for a while."
"Oh… right… when do you leave?"
"On the weekend."
"Well then. We better make use of the time we have left, right?"
Astrid brightened up, gradually. "You're not mad? That we can't see each other?"
"I will be. But not at you," Hiccup told her, then dipped his head to whisper in her ear.
"Twenty minutes and I'm taking you to bed."
He punctuated his words by nipping her ear lobe.
Astrid shivered. "But what about-"
He pressed his forehead to hers. "I don't think Byrd will mind. If he does, he will answer to me regarding why he wasn't around on time for his appointment with you. This is the army after all. We don't tolerate time wasters."
Astrid, currently the more logical of the duo, countered this. "There's a contradiction here, babe. If I'm not around, I'll be wasting his-"
Hiccup silenced her with a kiss. Firm and desperate, pushing her up against a wall in her office. Then he drew back, smirking inwardly when Astrid's lips chased his.
"Twenty minutes and your ass is mine, milady. In the meantime…" He sighed wearily. "I should probably go see what Snotlout did to my office."
"If it's anything like what Byrd did to mine, feel free to kill him."
"The tricky part would be not doing that. See you soon."
"Bye!" She turned away, Hiccup slapped her rear and strolled away.
Astrid jumped, glaring at his back as he went away whistling, purposefully not looking back but knowing about her reaction, if his smirk was any indication.
She bit her lip and her eyes sparkled deviously as she watched him leave.
Twenty minutes. His punishment will be sweet.
…
"You tore up government property," Hiccup noted, seeing the strips of paper on the floor.
Then he turned to face the culprit. "Why, Snotlout? What exactly did you hope to gain from that?"
Snotlout didn't intend to answer if how he crossed his arms was any indication.
When it became clear that Hiccup would not receive an answer, he nodded at Thuggory.
"Make a note of what he did. I want it known to the tribunal that I recommend Snotlout be suspended if not kicked out entirely."
"Yes sir," said Thuggory. Turning to the two MPs who were restraining Snotlout, one hand on each shoulder between them, he added. "Make it so."
They all departed and Hiccup remained, gazing at the strips of paper; the remains of various sheets of paperwork and the overturned chair behind his desk.
"Hang on… how the fuck did he get in my office to begin with? I always lock it when I leave. Did I forget or…?"
Hiccup sped after Snotlout's entourage, catching up with them quickly as of course they hadn't gotten far. "Hold it! Search Snotlout's pockets. I think he has a key to my office."
One of the MPs reached into a pocket and pulled out a Swiss army knife. "We searched him already, and found this, sir."
Hiccup blinked and looked at Snotlout. "You possess enough brain power to use one of those as a lock pick?"
Snotlout's face went red. "Oh fuck you," he growled.
"I'd rather not thank you. I think that's your domain, given what you've just done. Carry on, gentlemen. I've got to see about a woman."