Two days go by.
Cassie Howard can guarantee they are the longest two days of her life. She calls and texts, she cries and mopes. And hears nothing back.
Lexi watches from the other side of the room her sister lying in her old bed, cathartic. Other than to use the toilet, Lexi has not seen her move despite her many attempts to try and get her to come downstairs or go for a walk. Her sister, who always went out of her way to look so perfect and beautiful, looked an absolute mess. Greasy hair tied up in a bun, an old t-shirt of Nate's as a pyjama, bruised arms and dark circles under her eyes.
Suze comes up every once in a while, but her anecdotes and unsolicited advice did very little to calm down the emotional mess that was her daughter. She would try and force a sandwich down Cassie's throat with little success.
"Alright, Gandhi." She would tease. "Stop this nonsense and eat your food, you're pregnant for Christ's sake."
So Cassie would take a few nibbles and then go back to crying or sleeping or trying to call Nate for the hundredth time with no success. She contemplated calling his family a few times as well, but was too worried they also hated her now. She felt her life slowly crashing down, her soul slowly decomposing on her childhood bed. This is what dying must feel like.
Cassie felt alone and scared, which made Lexi feel angry and frustrated.
Despite the sea of anger that had divided the two sisters in the last few months, Lexi could feel Cassie's pain and anguish in her own bones. She had always been like that, an empath at heart. And whenever her loved ones were sad, Lexi too felt herself suffer with them.
Lexi mused on how their life would be once Cassie had her baby. Would she move into the spare room where Suze kept her creepy doll collection? Or maybe Lexi would move in there and give Cassie the bigger room for her and the baby. She imagined it would be hard with the late night feedings and constant crying. She pictured the three of them taking turns rocking the baby and changing diapers.
She thought it would make a funny sitcom, one boy raised by three very different women. Suze, the free spirited matriarch, drinking wine for breakfast. Cassie, his hopeless romantic mother, dating a different guy each episode. Lexi, his studious aunt, being the voice of reason. All of them, teaching him to be a man. She would even feature Cassie's annoying little dog, that constantly nibbled on her shoes and kept peeing on Suze's nice curtains.
"I'm worried about your sister, Lex." Suze would admit while blowing smoke out the window, her cigarette and tired eyes as a sign of the little sleep she got the night before. "If that kid breaks up with her, it's going to be bad."
"Yeah, but wouldn't it be better if they broke up? She'll be hurt, but we'll be there for her." Lexi argued incredulously. How could their mom possibly be okay with him coming back for Cassie?
"No way, your sister will do something dumb for sure." Suze responded. "Hopefully they make up soon."
And Lexi wondered what hope they both had in life when their own mother could not see how much better off Cassie would be without Nate. She loved her mother to death, but sometimes she wondered how different their lives would have turned out if both their parents had taken a more active role in disciplining them.
She wondered what this meant for Cassie's baby, what example they would be able to give. Would he be kind but emotionally unstable like his mother? Would he be violent and psychotic like his father?
"What am I going to do?" Cassie would wail, while Lexi soothingly rubbed her back. "I can't have this baby without him."
And no matter how many times Lexi would tell her she would be fine, Cassie could only see her life as over.
By the time Sunday came around, Cassie had finally showered and moved from the bed to the couch. An improvement. An improvement which saw Suze encourage Lexi to go to Rue's birthday as she had planned before her sister's life imploded.
"You should go, Lex." Cassie reassured her. "I'll be fine."
So Lexi put on her cute summer dress and rode her bike to the bowling alley to spend time with her friends. She let herself believe for a short time that life was looking better. Her sister was back, Nate would hopefully be out of their life, and her best friend was clean and celebrating her birthday. She got to smile and laugh and dance.
And she rode her way home giddy after her night out.
She skipped her way up the front door steps, her key chains jiggling excitingly from the movement. The house was silent despite it not being super late. She expected Cassie's dog to come running to the door barking like a little maniac, but she managed to walk through the foyer without any attention. Had it not been for the faint light she could see coming from the kitchen, she would have assumed everyone was asleep.
Following the light led her to a silent Suze, sitting in darkness in the dining room. Her face was slightly visible from the little bit of light coming from the kitchen. In front of her, a bottle of rose sat painfully empty and a cloud of cigarette smoke wrapped around her form.
"What's going on?" Lexi would ask, making her presence known. Her mother's glassy eyed looked her way briefly before returning to stare into the empty room. "Where's Cassie?"
"She's gone." Suze let out a smoky breath. "Nate finally showed up and she left."
"What?" Lexi could feel her heart beating fast and her palms starting to sweat. "Are you crazy? Why would you let her go with him? He assaulted her." She felt her feet move quickly towards her mother, now standing right beside her.
But Suze's stance remained impassive and her questions were left unanswered.
Lexi's eyes filled with tears as she tried to make sense of her pain. A part of her felt she had lost her sister all over again, despite having just regained her. A part of her felt angered at herself for believing their life to be a quirky little show instead of a fucking train wreck.
"You have no idea what you have just done, mom." She finally found the strength to say in between tears.
Sometimes we get so tired of pretending like you're so strong
Everyone you love has gone and decided that you're so wrong