Cassie was completely miserable.

By now she felt like her baby had outgrown her tummy and her insides felt like a crushed car in a compactor. Even breathing was hard, with this constant heavy feeling in her lungs.

She had done her nesting phase, maniacally cleaning their home, baby proofing every corner, watching videos on how to train puppies to behave around babies.

She was ready and waiting. Ready and waiting to meet her baby.

And it all started with a little tummy ache.

But pregnancy had brought lots of fun little ailments, from a sore back, to heartburn, to swollen ankles, and lots of other unglamorous feelings. And she had already embarrassed herself once freaking out over what had ended up being fake contractions.

So, she kind of didn't think that much of it.

Nate was attending a college 40 minutes from East Highland, which meant his mornings started pretty early and his evenings finished pretty late. Cassie had been quite impressed with his commitment to all the responsibilities in his life- school, work, sport. Perhaps pregnancy had made her extra lethargic, but she could not imagine getting as much done in a day as her husband.

As part of his new collegial life, Nate had been kind of sucked back into the party scene he had successfully left behind over summer. She tried not to let it worry her too much- this time it was more of a social necessity than a coping mechanism for him, she would tell herself. It was college, it was the start of the semester, of course there would be lots of parties and alcohol and late nights. McKay's social calendar had been much the same when they first dated.

Gemma had warned her about allowing Nate so much freedom again, and Cassie found it quite amusing that Gemma thought she had any control over Nate's freedom.

Still, she checked his pockets for signs of unmistakable plastic zip lock bags and rolled up notes, and let out a breath of relief each time she found nothing more than some crumbled receipts and used tissues.

That day, she kissed Nate goodbye in the early hours of the morning and tried to get a bit more of a sleep. The change in season had brought a slight morning cool which made her wrap herself a little tighter in bed. Secretly, the cooler temperature had been a godsend for Cassie whose body currently ran a few degrees hotter than everyone else around her. So much so that she had driven Nate crazy all summer complaining about the temperature in their bedroom.

There was nothing remarkable about her day. She had taken Pumpkin for a (slow) walk around the neighbourhood and then came back to a huge pile of laundry to wash, iron and fold. Her life was made up of a monotony she often resented and would probably come to miss once the arrival of her son upended her days. It was domestic and lonely and not what she expected from life at 18.

Somedays, she envied Nate.

Not his life per se, well aware how stretched thin he was between his many commitments. But she envied the diversity of his daily life- new college friends, new classes, new parties. In comparison, Cassie felt like a caged bird.

She had voiced her boredom to Nate here and there, only to be met with his annoyance and scolding and something along the lines of he wished he had time to feel bored, but he was too busy providing for them to feel bored.

Which in turn made her feel really guilty for saying anything in the first place.

So her days were filled with folding laundry and cleaning and cooking and walking her dog.

There was an unmistakable pop she felt when she got up to use the bathroom, followed by a trickle down her legs, which finally clued her in on the fact that she may have been in labour.

Her first call went to Nate, obviously.

Her next call went to her Mom.

She could hear the agitation in Suze's voice as her mom ran around her house looking for her car keys. And Cassie, with the occasional sharp (and slightly excruciating) pain, was in no mood to deal with her mother's flightiness.

"Mom, hurry the fuck up, okay?!" She would shout one final time.

Nate had saved her from calling Marsha, who had left her a voicemail letting her know she was on her way to pick her up and drive her to the hospital. For that, Cassie was glad- as the idea of getting in the car with Suze and her questionable sobriety had her feeling a little nervous.

Once at the hospital, though, Suze had really lived up to her mom role and had fretted over Cassie non-stop. She was there to fix her pillows, to help her find a comfortable spot or to let her scream into her arm after a painful contraction. Suze's motherly attentions had given Cassie a warm feeling inside. It made her want to cosy up to her Mom and take a deep breath of her hair, which always smelled of the coconut hair mask she loved, and bottle up this feeling of love she felt in that moment.

Lexi, who Cassie had not spoken to in weeks, was in LA for a playwright workshop she had been selected for. It was clear Suze was extremely proud of Lexi, as she praised her youngest's accomplishment to a random nurse. And had it not been for the uncomfortable pain she was in, Cassie would probably have allowed herself to feel a little sadder over the fact that her mom seemed to be so proud of Lexi yet so disappointed in Cassie's own life choices.

But she had a baby to push out.

Nate's arrival finally came, and along with it the sad news that Cassie still had a while before pushing her baby out. So they all settled into an awkward game of waiting. So far, giving birth had felt like a highly anticlimactic process- there had been a mad rush to get her here, only to now all sit and wait for her to be dilated enough to push.

There was something unnerving about a room full of people that mostly dislike each other trying to make small talk while she breathed through each contraction. Cassie found it amusing that for two very un-united families, there sure were a lot of relatives lingering around her that day.

It had also been a while since her mother and Nate had been in a room together, and Cassie was glad her current predicament had made her oblivious to the tense stares and passive aggressive interactions between the two. It was no secret that her mother was not a fan of her husband. And her husband disliked anyone who didn't constantly sing his praises.

And apparently everyone had a differing opinion of what Cassie should be doing right now:

Walk. Don't walk.

Lie down. Stand up.

Take the epidural. Don't take the epidural.

The Moms also didn't help her feel more relaxed, with Marsha telling her about pushing out three macrosomic boys and Suze telling her about pooping herself while pushing out Lexi. None of it was what she wanted to hear.

Minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days, as day turned to evening and when one final jab of her privates had come with the positive news that she was finally ready to push.

If she had spent the last few days desperately wanting to push her baby out, the moment the pushing began, Cassie wished she could take it all back. It was an excruciating crossroad, where pushing was incredibly painful, but the more she pushed the closer she would be to the pain easing.

But a long day of waiting for this moment had her feeling exhausted and in pain, and like pushing any longer would feel like dying.

"Just one more push, Cassie." The doctor had encouraged from between her legs, after she had asked to take a rest. "You're almost there."

"His head is half out, sweetie." Suze had added, poking her head behind the blanket to look at Cassie's progress. "Cassie, you have to push."

"I can't do it." She cried on Nate's shoulder, breathing shakily. "It hurts too much."

Regardless of her feelings, of her pain, of her fear, those surrounding her in that moment knew time was of the essence. And as nurses and mothers encouraged her to push through, Nate had grabbed Cassie's face firmly to look at him.

There was a moment, right then and there, shared between the two that made a lasting impression on Suze.

Because until then, she didn't really understand their relationship. She couldn't see them as something real. Sure, Cassie fell pretty quick and hard for any loser that gave her a bit of attention. But she also got over them pretty quickly, she would get bored and move on to someone else.

But she had been uncharacteristically anchored to Nate.

It didn't make sense until she saw Nate calm Cassie down at that moment. As her head shook to say no, Nate's would nod to say yes. Who knows, maybe it was his experience as a high school quarterback that had helped him, but Suze was surprised (if not shocked) at the way this 18 year old punk - who had been nothing but a jackass until now - had taken control of the situation so maturely.

"Hey- you've got this, okay? Remember what we said, it's pain with a purpose…so you need to push and just scream the pain out, okay? Squeeze my hand if you need to. Take a deep breath." He instructed her calmly, taking in a deep breath with her, his face close to touching her's.

And when the doctor had counted to three Cassie had pushed and screamed and squeezed with all her might.

It was the most atrocious feeling, followed by the most beautiful of sounds as their son's cries engulfed the room to make his presence known.

"He's here." The nurse announced to the young parents. "Daddy, want to come cut the cord?"

Suze watched as Nate had let go of Cassie's crying face after a soft round of I love yous.

And in that moment, as she witnessed her grandson being born, as she watched a nervous Nate hold his son for the first time, as she kissed Cassie's sweaty head, as she shared a teary hug with Marsha, Suze felt for the first time that maybe everything would be okay.

When the silence isn't quiet and it feels like it's getting hard to breathe

And I know you feel like dying but I promise we'll take the world to its feet